0211 Female Led Relationships: Cuckolding Myths: What People Get Completely Wrong

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This week I’m revisiting a conversation that still gets a ton of reaction — cuckolding.

And more specifically… the myths people refuse to let go of.

If you’ve spent any time online, you’ve seen the comments:

“That’s not real love.”
 “He must be weak.”
 “That would destroy any relationship.”

So let’s actually talk about it.

In this episode, I break down some of the most common misconceptions around cuckolding and what it actually looks like inside a real relationship — not porn, not fantasy, not internet outrage.

We talk about what cuckolding really is, how it can exist in a consensual dynamic, and why so many people misunderstand it before ever asking a single question. 

I also get into a few big ones that come up constantly:

The idea that a woman can’t love her partner if she’s with other people.
 The assumption that cuckold men are insecure or weak.
 And the belief that this kind of dynamic replaces intimacy inside a relationship.

None of that has been true in my experience.

What I’ve seen — and what we’ve lived — is that these dynamics require communication, trust, and a strong foundation. Without that, nothing works anyway.

We also talk about how porn has completely distorted expectations, why many men misunderstand what this dynamic actually is, and how couples can explore it slowly instead of jumping straight into something they’re not ready for.

And just as important…

We talk about the fact that this is not for everyone.

You don’t have to understand it.
You don’t have to agree with it.
But you also don’t need to tear down people who choose it.

At the end of the day, every relationship is different.

And if something works for two consenting adults who communicate openly and respect each other — that’s what matters.

Transcript

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So let's, so, so, so. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. This week, we are going to discuss myths about cuckolding. But first, let's address some housekeeping, shall we?♪ Housekeeping ♪ ♪ Housekeeping ♪ First housekeeping issue, all of you fantastic listeners, oh mine. We need to get our questions all rounded up for our Q&A episode coming up. So you can leave a voicemail. If you leave a voicemail and you give us permission, we can add it to the episode and answer the question that way, or you can just email me. All of my contact info is in the show notes. Because my subbie is the bomb. I think that is it for housekeeping. Let's dive into the top three cuckolding myths. But first, let's talk about what is cuckolding in case you're new here. Traditionally, a cuckold is a man who, well, it used to be oblivious to his wife's adultery, but today it means something quite different. Basically, cuckolding is a sexual activity, which I'm reading this from, it's health.com backslash sex backslash cuckold. I'm not quoting it word for word, but I really liked their definition for somebody who maybe doesn't know what a cuckold is or what cuckolding is. And I'm really trying not to say cuckolding. That's what it sounds like, but I'm really trying not to. It's my Minnesota accent. Okay, so somebody, the cuck, gets turned on by their partner, the cuckoldress, having sex with another person, the bull. That kind of knocks out all three of those words all in one shot. The contemporary cuckold isn't necessarily a cisgender or heterosexual male and is completely on board with their partner's affairs. It is a kink or fetish unique to every couple. I wanted to make sure and get that in there because you create your own dynamic. There was one other thing from this article. From a psychological standpoint, cuckolding usually emphasizes degradation or humiliation of the partner who is being cuckolded. And again, any gender identity is acceptable here. I wanted to include that part specifically because when I'm doing my podcast, I generally refer to male, female, or like me and my subbie. I'm just talking about my life. I try not to be overly gender specific. I'm not doing it to be insulting or offend anyone. I'm just talking about my dynamic most of the time, which includes my husband who's a male and me who's a female. You take it and you run with it. It can be any gender. I'm just specifically talking about ours. I wanted to point that out. I don't know why. It just seemed like it was something that I should point out. It seemed important. The other thing I wanted to mention, like many sexual fetishes, there are varying degrees of cuckolding. You don't need to go as far as watching your partner have sex with another person. You might get pleasure from listening to your partner talk about having sex with someone else, either real or imagined. Hearing the details of your partner's fantasies about sex with other people or about their previous sexual encounters can be a good way to dip your toes into cuckolding if you're not sure how deep you wanna go. I think this is a great jumping point. I think initially, if you're thinking about tiptoeing into cuckolding, you should talk about it first. Communication is always key, but have those conversations, whether it's real or imagined. In the beginning, I used to tell my subbie stories about past things that had happened with previous partners or things that I had done when I was young with men or whatever, and he really enjoyed that, and that kind of helped open the gate to talking about cuckolding or going more in depth about it. I kinda knew from the get-go that was one of the first things he said that I could be with anybody except for, there was like two or three people on the list, which I was in agreeance with two of the three, and probably three of the three. Okay. So this next one, the top three cuckolding myths, this is myths and facts. I will have this website listed in the show notes as well. Hi, my subbie will have it. But I thought these were fantastic because a few of these that I read are very similar to what I get on TikTok, which was where I get the most feedback about my podcast or when I bring up hot button subjects like cuckolding, pegging, all of those things, the real controversial things. And oddly enough, male chastity is not really a hot button topic. It is more the cuckolding and chastity. So let's talk about those more so that we can get those more mainstreamed and people stop being such assholes about it. Like, listen, if you don't understand something, that's fine. Fucking ask questions. And if you don't wanna learn, then shut your fucking mouth. That's how I feel about it. So at the beginning of the article says, I like to listen to those of you who are reading my articles. Comments are fantastic, provided they're constructive because you can get an idea of how people are thinking. And lately there has been a lot of chatter about her, I think it's a her, chatter about my article, top reasons cuckolding can kill your relationship, which is great. And a couple of the comments brought up some myths I wanted to dispel about the cuckold lifestyle. Rather than send you over to the article to read them, I brought them over here. Okay, I'm going to put my glasses on for this, I think. Oh, I'll just back up. That'll work. Okay, this says, Mikey wrote, whatever happened to fidelity in a relationship? If my girlfriend ever suggested cuckolding to our relationship, oh, if my girlfriend ever suggested cuckolding, our relationship would be over, no discussions. I am only for monogamous relationships. How can she love you when she's having sex with other men? In my opinion, it can't be done no matter how much you try to talk yourself. I think it's no matter how much you try to talk yourself that it can. And then it looks like Roy wrote underneath. I agree with Mikey here. It seems like cuckolding is more of a psychological perversion rather than an enjoyable lifestyle. I'm assuming Dr. Sue here is female. So obviously you would love the lifestyle because you get to enjoy multiple dicks where your cuck boy husband would watch. The reason it is not possible to love someone while having sex with others is because of oxytocin, which is a bonding hormone released by the human neurochemical transmitter, which promotes pair bonding between two people. This is usually released during sexual climax. So go figure. Most men who accept this lifestyle usually have low self-esteem or they've watched too much porn that they can't differentiate reality from fantasy. But if it works for you, more power to you. For me though, I'd like to have my girl all to myself and not share her with other guys. Okay, so just off those two comments alone, the first thing that stood out to me was men who accept this lifestyle usually have low self-esteem or they watch too much porn they can't differentiate reality from fantasy. First of all, I would venture to say that any man who is interested in cuckolding is probably anything but insecure. I would say it takes a very secure man to allow his partner to go sleep with someone else. I don't think insecurity plays a part in cuckolding at all. I also truly believe that there are people that are having sex every single day that are not in love with the person that they're having sex with or even have feelings. Sex can be just a physical activity. There could be no connection at all. You're literally just looking for somebody to fuck, end of story, and you never have to see them again. I think it happens all the time. I don't agree with either of these comments but these are the comments that I also get. Like I said, I get the most feedback from my TikTok from people when I post cuckolding videos and that is our relationship would be over if she ever suggested that you must be weak or whatever that was. Well, here's another thing. Most of the emails that I get from people about cuckolding, people who reach out to me via email, it is the man who is suggesting it to the woman and the woman is not able to get on board with it because she's so devoted to her man. She cannot grasp the concept that he would ever want her to sleep with another man. Some men just want her to sleep with other women and that's a whole nother topic for another episode because I just don't fucking understand how it's any different if she's sleeping with a man or a woman, it's the same concept. But I understand the way society views it and so on stepping off my soapbox. And I lost my total train of thought. But normally it is the man who emails me and says that the woman can't get on board, that she can't understand why he would want her to sleep with someone else because she loves him and doesn't want to sleep with anybody else. The article says, okay, let me start off by addressing what is clearly some hostile feelings regarding the subject of cuckolding. Mikey and Roy, you guys need to chill out. No one is making you do this, so why are you so incensed by it? Fuck, I can't read either. As long as it's not being done to you, you're good. Let people live their lives as they see fit, regardless of whether or not you agree with how they do it, just as you said, Roy. But Mikey and Roy also bring up some common myths that get perpetuated over and over and really need to stop. Myth one, a woman cannot possibly love her husband if she has sex with other men, not true. The article says, I shouldn't have to tell you that in this day and age, there are many ways in which people can love one another and express those feelings. Of course, a wife can love her husband and have sex with other men. It isn't a man's most common, whoops. Isn't it a man's most common comeback to say it was just sex when he's caught cheating? Why is it okay, why, sorry. Why is it okay for a man to say this, but not a woman? And in this case, she's not cheating because her husband not only allows it, but enjoys her sexual freedom. Cuckolding is not about what you see in porn. It's about a loving relationship whereby a woman for whatever reason between that couple has sex with men other than her husband, something men have been doing for a millennia. But it's interesting that when a woman decides she's going to be sexually free, that men get offended and angry about it. That is a fucking valid point. I have this conversation with my daughter all the time, not all the time, but we've had this discussion about, you know, why is it okay for men or not even men? Why is it okay for the boys in high school to go fuck anyone they want? And I don't know if it's this much, I don't know if it's this way as much now in high school as it was like when I was in high school. Oh my gosh, if a girl was sleeping with boys or whatever, she was a huge slut, but like all the jocks that were fucking nailing every girl they could get their dick in, oh, he's such a stud. Like, can we end that? Women enjoy sex just as much as men do and maybe we enjoy multiple partners. Why does that make us any different? It's very frustrating. Cuckolding is simply an offshoot of swinging with the female in power. So how is swinging okay with men, but cuckolding isn't? Women are still having sex with other men with their husband's permission, but the minute a woman controls her sex life and her man's, but the minute a woman controls her sex life and her man's, that just blows the misogynistic mind. When a man is adamant that his wife, girlfriend or significant other will not ever, never, ever, never fuck another man, that tells me he's insecure. I think I mentioned something about that earlier. If you were a truly secure monogamous man, you wouldn't worry about what other people are doing because you know you have a solid relationship. Most secure guys just say, that's cool, but it's not for me or us. And that's the end of the subject. They don't go trolling websites about alternative lifestyles and then freak out on those who engage in them. So Mikey, you may want to do some soul searching. I think that is a fantastic, I mean, I agree with everything that was said and I said the same thing, that in a cuckolding relationship, the cuck is not an insecure person. They are very confident, very secure or they wouldn't be a cuck. And that's just my opinion. Myth two, the wife never has sex with her husband. Yes, this is a very common one. This is a porn myth. Cuckolding has become quite bastardized because of male influence. Very submissive men don't want their wives to have sex with them. So they make up this garbage about not having sex with their wives. When cuckolding is done in a safe, sane and of course, consensual manner, you always have sex with your husband because you're not replacing them. See males read some fiction or watch porn. I think it's supposed to be some males. Some males read some fiction or watch porn and think you are automatic scholars on cuckolding. When in fact, what you read and what you watch is so far from reality that for many of you, you get disappointed when you see that's not what it's all about. Now that is psychological perversion. So on that note, I get this a lot too with chastity that women will say, well, I don't wanna lock my husband in chastity because we won't ever have sex and I like having sex. This is your dynamic. Do it however you want. If you wanna fuck your husband three nights a week and lock him up the other whatever, or lock them up as soon as you're done having sex and have sex as much as you want. Totally acceptable. You are dynamic. You make it your own. Just like people stepping into or thinking about trying out cuckolding. I by far am no expert. I have minimal experience with this mainly because I'm a freak about the state of the world currently. But I am not opposed to the idea. And there are ways that you can give, like there's things that I do that give my subbie the same excitement or give him a slice of what he may feel if we ever really dove back into cuckolding hardcore. We've experienced things in the past. Again, I'm no expert, but I mean, there's small things that I can do that kind of keep that fire alive. I mean, and if that was all I ever did for the rest of my life, he would be 100% content and 100% happy. And content maybe isn't the right word because I don't want it to seem as though he's settling. There's things you can do to create the excitement that comes with the cuckolding experience. There's things that don't require actually involving a third person into the relationship so you can still, I mean, I don't know how to say this. Like there are scenes that you can play or things that you can say to just kind of get the experience and see if it's something that you wanna participate in. Cuckolding doesn't always have to be run right to it and have sex with somebody. I mean, there's steps you can take to be sure that that's something that you wanna do. I'm a jealous person. I don't like when my subbie shows affection to other people, most other people. There's a few that it's acceptable, but I'm a jealous person, I don't share well. So this works out for us. Again, it's not for everybody. There are so many other dynamics out there that you can try. It doesn't have to be this and I'm rambling so I'm done. Okay, so kind of on the topic that I just said, she says here, most cuckold couples engage in this sex. Most cuckold couples engage in sex this way maybe six times a year. It's not every night that, it's not every night the way it is portrayed. Who the fuck has time for that shit? True fucking story. And I'll argue this one till the cows come home. You aren't cuckolding at all if you're not, you aren't cuckolding at all if you're not having sex with somebody. You're not having sex with your spouse. At that point, you're in full-time, at that point, you're in a full-time dom-sub relationship. Sexual dysfunction nonwithstanding. I don't really know what that means. I'm not sure what that's implying. So that blows your oxytocin argument out of the water because you are still being intimate with one another. Now, not having sex with your partner, I don't know that's sex necessarily. I mean, there's two sides to this coin. First one, you don't necessarily have to have sex with each other. You can be intimate with each other without actually having the penetration or intercourse, especially if chastity is something that you practice regularly, like it's your lifestyle, not just your dynamic. There are things that you can do to be intimate with each other to make that connection. However, on that same note, I would prefer after a play session with a bull, I like to have sex with my subbie. It's just like when swingers talk about the reconnection sex or the sex after a play date or whatever. It's a fantastic connection. It's so fucking hot. And it really just kind of enforces the connection you have with your partner. And I think to a certain extent, even just reassures both parties, like, you know, this is worth it. I don't know. I guess I don't know how to explain it, but it reassures or reconnects you both and kind of enforces that. I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say, but me personally, after sex with a bull, I prefer to have sex with my subbie afterwards. I think it's important for our relationship because we enjoy that connection or we crave that connection that the two of us have. And again, we achieve that connection without actual intercourse, but in situations like that. Anyway, you know what I'm saying. Myth three, cuckold men are weak and poor. I've kind of addressed this. I don't want to beat a dead horse, but it says, Roy, you do a lot of assuming in your comment like this. I'm assuming Dr. Sue here is female. So obviously you would love the lifestyle because you get to enjoy multiple dicks while your cuck boy husband would watch. And most men who accept this lifestyle, usually have low self-esteem. I address that. I disagree wholeheartedly. And I will argue that till the cows come home. She responds, the only thing you got right was, yes, I am a woman, but Roy is not the only one who thinks this way about cuckold men. Men are, many men automatically go to the cuck boy monkeyer as a way to demean the male. I don't know if I'm reading some of these words right. English is a hard language for me today. Notice how it is said as though Roy is spitting the word out. It disgusts him that men would engage in this behavior and Roy has the right to feel that way. It's cool. Oh, that's not what I meant. And Roy has the right to feel that way. It's cool. But Roy isn't the one who looks at men who enjoy cuckolding with, vitriol? Vitriol? I don't know. Some people may think because a man wants to see his wife enjoy her sexual freedom and power, that makes him weak. Nothing can be farther from the truth. When done correctly, it takes balls of steel for a man to watch his wife have sex with another man and not only not freak out, but actually enjoy himself. My husband is in no way weak or wimpy. He is quite dominant at work, just like every other male. He's not even that submissive. He just enjoys occasionally watching me have fun with other men and he makes very good money. That's another wacky part to this. It's like men think that any guy who would participate in this is somehow mentally incapacitated and therefore must only work for a minimum wage. Not true. Most cuckold men are corporate heads and business owners. But I will say that Roy is correct in one aspect. They watched too much porn and that they can't differentiate reality from fantasy. For so many of you boys who really want this type of lifestyle, you have based it on some of the most bullshit I've seen. You allow other men to come into your relationships and your lives and turn it upside down. You have this perverted idea that you're loaning your wife to other men to be sexually obliterated. That's not submissive behavior. That's just twisted voyeurism. And as I've said before, you need to ask yourself why you hate your wife so much that you want to see her, why you want to see her sexually annihilated by men with giant cocks. But in the end, Roy sums it up perfectly. But if it works for you, more power to you. For me though, I'd like to have my girl all to myself and not share her with other guys. It may not be for you, but don't disparage those who enjoy it. Okay, so that's the end of that, but I thought that was a good article. Okay, so to kind of sum it up, and let me say this before I do any summations. Ladies, if cuckolding is something that your man is interested in and you are not comfortable with it, I would say, talk about it. Talk about it ad nauseum, about it. If it's something that you might be interested in, look at it from a different perspective. This is where I struggled in the beginning. And then my subbie said something to me that really resonated. It's a true form of submission for me, is what he told me. He said that seeing me being fulfilled and getting enjoyment that he could never provide me brings him joy and makes him feel, it makes him feel good because I'm getting the enjoyment that I deserve. So looking at it from a different perspective, don't focus on how could my partner ever want me to be with somebody else? Why doesn't he just want me all to himself? Think of it as he wants to get you the best orgasm possible or try different things. It's like trying different sex toys. Everybody fucks different to a point. He's offering you the sexual freedom and excitement. And I think looking at it from a different perspective really will help you see the benefits to it. And again, it is absolutely not for everyone and I'm not trying to push cuckolding on anyone. But I think me as a woman, I had a real hard time in the beginning accepting why I'd never been with anybody that was willing to just let me be with other men and not care. Most of the people I'd been with in the past were jealous or I guess too fucking lazy to give a shit and I was raising kids by myself. So there's that. Let's sum this up. I mean, the biggest myth of all of this is that the cuck is weak and that is not the case at all. And you can have a healthy relationship and still sleep with other people. You just have to have a strong foundation that revolves around communication. There is a lot of emotions that can go behind. There's a lot of emotions that go with sleeping with other people that are not your spouse. Be sure that you guys are on the same page and discussing things that come up, emotions that come up that maybe you weren't prepared for because that will absolutely happen. And I mean, the biggest tip of all, who gives a fuck what anybody thinks? Just be safe, know who you're sleeping with and protect yourself. Me personally, in any type of cuckolding experience, I choose to have my subbie there. I've said it a hundred times. He's like my safety blanket and I'm able to relax more when he's there. Not to mention, I think it's fucking hot when he watches. So, I mean, there's that. Also the myth that you don't love your husband or partner if you're having sex with other people. Absolutely not fucking true. I've never loved anybody like I love my subbie. All right. I think that sums it up and I'm never fucking doing a podcast at 2 p.m. ever again because my brain turns to shit. I hope everybody has a fantastic week. I am itching. I hope everybody has a fantastic week. I am setting up some interviews for this podcast. I'm just trying to firm down dates when I can do it. So hopefully we will have other people on the podcast episodes probably coming towards the beginning of the year, January, 2022. It's a big year for me and everybody else, I hope. So be good human beings, stay healthy, be kind. Have a fantastic week. Don't hesitate to reach out if you have questions, concerns, comments, whatever the case may be. You have my contact info in the show notes. Take care and we will chat soon. Love you all. Mwah.