0215 Female Led Relationships: An FLR Is NOT Always Whips and Chains

///// RE-RELEASE/////

In this back catalog re-release of Krystine’s FLR Podcast, I talk about power exchange in a female-led relationship and how different that can look from one couple to another.

A lot of people still hear “female-led relationship” and automatically think BDSM, whips, chains, abuse, or some extreme version of domination. I want to help break that stigma. Yes, some FLRs include BDSM, chastity, humiliation, ruined orgasms, financial control, or other forms of power exchange. But not all of them do, and they sure do not have to.

In this episode, I talk about how an FLR can be defined by whatever works for the people actually living it. Maybe the woman is the breadwinner. Maybe she makes the decisions. Maybe she controls the money. Maybe she delegates the money management because she does not want to deal with it. Maybe the relationship is equal in day-to-day life, but she takes full control in the bedroom. Maybe the dynamic is 24/7. Maybe it is not.

I also talk about our own relationship and how, from the outside, we might look backwards compared to what people expect from an FLR. My husband is the primary breadwinner, and I handle a lot of the home life. But he is still deeply attentive, service-minded, supportive, and committed to making my life better. That is part of our power exchange.

The biggest point is that you get to make your FLR your own. There is no single correct version. There is no rulebook that says your dynamic has to look extreme, sexual, public, or perfectly labeled. The level of power exchange in your relationship is determined by you and your partner, and the only hard rule is that it has to be consensual.

5 Talking Points

1. FLR does not have to mean BDSM
   I talk about how female-led relationships have traditionally been associated with BDSM, but that definition is too narrow. An FLR can include kink, but it does not have to.
2. You get to define your own power exchange
   Every couple gets to decide what female leadership looks like for them. It might involve money, decision-making, service, bedroom control, domestic roles, or emotional support.
3. There is no single correct FLR structure
   Some relationships may look traditionally female-led from the outside, while others may not. What matters is not how outsiders label it. What matters is whether the dynamic works for the people living it.
4. Power exchange can benefit both partners
   I talk about why some men may enjoy letting go of control, especially if they carry a lot of responsibility in daily life. For some submissive men, being told what to do and serving their partner can bring fulfillment, peace, and purpose.
5. Confidence is one of the biggest gifts FLR has given me
   For me, one of the biggest benefits of this relationship has not just been power or control. It has been confidence. This dynamic has helped me feel stronger, sexier, more grounded, and more certain in the life I am choosing.

To find that Audio versions of the FLR Skool courses, just click here.

Or FLRSkool Subscribe

Transcript

0:17

I don't know what the fuck's up with that. I used to attribute it to my hormones. Attribute a lot of things to my hormones. This podcast is intended for mature audiences only. If you're not 18 years of age or older, there are thousands of other podcasts you can listen to and you can come back and visit us when you are 18. This podcast is meant solely for entertainment. We are not licensed doctors, lawyers, or therapists. We simply have a fascination with the lifestyle and I'd love to share it with you and get your thoughts and opinions. Welcome back, episode 15. We are going to talk about power exchange in a female-led relationship, how that varies and different aspects of a female-led relationship. Kind of continuing on with the episode, not last week, because that was the Hot Mess Express, but the weekend or the week before where we talked about levels. I believe my subbie and I talked about levels. I'm kind of going to talk a little bit more about different dynamics and things like that. But first, let's talk housekeeping.♪ Housekeeping ♪ Yes. I've been struggling with some headaches lately. I don't know what the fuck's up with that. I just attribute it to my hormones. Attribute a lot of things to my hormones. All right, so I tried to be more organized this week. Let's see if I can do it. God, this chair is fucking loud. We ordered another chair. So hopefully that one will be quieter because this one is real creaky. So if you hear creaking, that's what it is. Or my body, I'm fucking old. Just kidding. I'm only 42. All right. So anybody who might be new, what is a female-led relationship? Traditionally, it was known as a type of BDSM relationship with a dominant woman and a submissive male. I would like to think that that definition or that belief of a female-led relationship has changed significantly as time has gone on. I mean, purposely. I would like to hopefully think that someday people can think of a female-led relationship without necessarily always associating it with a BDSM relationship because I truly think that not all female-led relationships involve BDSM and they sure don't have to, which is kind of something that I wanna touch on today. But a major goal of this podcast is to kind of get more information out about, who's from Minnesota? Get more information out there about female-led relationships and kind of get rid of the stigma that people automatically assume that means whips and chains or the husband is abused or mistreated. I mean, listen, you can mistreat your husband if that's your dynamic, my subbie loves it. So yes, that is my goal of this podcast. I would really like to make a female-led relationship more of a mainstream thing where, or a mainstream dynamic where people don't automatically associate it with whips and chains, 2022 goals. Oh, so different dynamics that could be labeled as an FLR. And listen, you can have whatever relationship you want. You sure don't have to label it. It doesn't have to have a label. Like some people might say, well, I'm in a female-led relationship because I'm the breadwinner. I make all the money in the relationship. And great, if that's what your definition of a female-led relationship is, fucking run with it. I love it. Good for you. But it could be, so the definition, you kind of make it your own. And I've said this multiple times. It could be because the woman is the breadwinner, they choose to label themselves as a female-led relationship. It could be the woman making all of the decisions. The woman's thoughts and feelings take priority over the male's or the woman's sexual wants and needs take priority over her man's as they should. So the woman has full financial control. We've talked about different levels of financial control. You could have all control as much as having a power of attorney so that your submissive owns nothing, has no financial right to anything. Or it could be as simple as the submissive deposits his paychecks or his paychecks go directly into the dominance or your wife's, however you want to fucking say it. The checks just go in there and she controls all of the money and determines where the money goes, takes care of the bills. And like I've said before too, it could be something where maybe the woman doesn't want to handle all of that stuff. And she says, listen, I want to know everything that's going on, but I want you to handle it. You take care of it. That can still be labeled as a female led relationship simply because you had the control and you delegated that control to your partner because it's something that you don't want to do or you don't enjoy doing. Or maybe it's stressful for you or I mean, fuck, how much anxiety does money cause some people? It's a real fucker. Another dynamic would be where, like I said, the woman is the breadwinner and the husband stays home and takes care of all the domestic duties. And it doesn't have to be a husband partner. I'm just, just go with me here. I'm not meaning to leave anybody out or piss anybody off. I'm just talking. So the woman works all day or works the full-time job, sole breadwinner. The husband stays home, takes care of the kids, handles all the domestic duties, grocery shopping, childcare, getting the kids where they need to be, all of those things. Now that is one way, but it sure doesn't have to be just like that. Like for instance, our relationship, my husband is the sole breadwinner. He is really the only one making money. I just take care of the house, which I think from the outside, like really if people observed our female led relationship, they'd be like, what the fuck? You really have to make it your own and just kind of go with the ebbs and flows. I mean, last week I was on the hot mess express and he knows me well enough to just kind of go with it and do what needs to be done to help me through it. He's supportive and understanding. Now this week, I'm feeling a little bit better and things kind of get more back to normal. But even still, he goes out and works and then he comes home and works because his production hat never really leaves his head. He is all about all of this, the podcast, all of the small businesses we're trying to get going, all of that. He is constantly thinking of different ways to get my name out there, get content out there, all of the things. I cook and clean. I mean, we by definition have the most backwards female led relationship probably out there. And he still does the things that need to be done. He still is very attentive to me. He rubs my feet. On the weekends when he's not outside of the home working, he will bring me my Celsius. Or if we don't have any, he will go get me some. And let me tell you, that's a hell of a sacrifice right now when in the morning sometimes it's like negative 14 and then the wind's blowing your fucking snot right out of your nose, freezing it halfway out. He does take very good care of me as I take very good care of him. We just don't have the traditional female led relationship. And I think that's my whole point is that people hear female led relationship and just assume it has to be this way, this way, this way. And it sure doesn't. So what are some, I mean, and listen, okay, so that's my next topic. I just scrolled in my notes and I'm all excited to talk about this one. You can have just a female led relationship strictly in the bedroom if that's what you choose. I am finding more and more women are more confident being dominant in the bedroom than they are in day-to-day life. And if that's how you wanna start out or if that's how your relationship, that encompasses the whole female led relationship that the woman takes control in the bedroom, that's perfect. That's exactly as it should be. Don't ever let anybody tell you that your female led relationship isn't right because you're not living it day-to-day or you're only living it in the bedroom. If that's what works for you and that's what satisfies you and your partner, perfect, it's amazing. Some women and men do that. They have equal day-to-day control, equal responsibilities, equal, I mean, they're equal in getting kids where they need to be if they have kids or school, sports responsibilities, whatever, and then the woman totally dominates in the bedroom, which, I mean, really, what's more sexy than a dominant woman in the bedroom? Is there really anything? I don't think so. Another thing I wanted to touch on is it seems as though there's probably so many more female led relationships out there that just aren't labeled female led relationships. I think that there has been an increase in female led relationships. Now, my opinion is that I think a lot of men or just society in general still have the view of men being the dominant and women being the submissive and perfect, that works for some people. However, I also wonder if that increases a man's interest in being in a female led relationship because he almost views it as taboo because he's giving control to the woman and that's just not something that men do. I disagree. All men should let women control them. It's fun. Just my opinion. In all seriousness, it's not for everyone and that's fine. Okay, let's really quick go over, this might be a shorty. Let's go over really quick. What are the benefits for a man in a female led relationship? Because I think people from the outside looking in don't understand why a man would ever wanna do this. Why would a man want to let a woman control everything? I hear a lot or I get a lot of feedback or I've just heard in the past, whatever, or email. High stress businessmen or like high, I don't know, big business. I don't even know what you fucking call them because I'm drawn absolute blank. But like the big wigs, the men that are in control of a lot or owners of companies or big executives. How about that? Big wig executives. There's the word I couldn't think of. Ta-da, it's here. So I think big wig executives who have to have so much control and power or have so much control and power on a day-to-day basis, I personally think they enjoy being able to just let go and let somebody else make decisions and let somebody else just control things so they can have like a time out, let their fucking mind relax a little bit. I can't imagine the day-to-day. And just men in general. It doesn't have to be a high exec guy or some big wig business owner or whatever. I think just men in general, going back to society, seeing them as the dominant, feel a lot of pressure to do all the things. And sometimes it's nice to not have to do all the things, to not have to make the decisions, to not have to make the choices on important things, even simple things. Sometimes it's just nice to be told what to do. Not for me. Nice to be told what to do and just do it. And it's almost mindless. But in that same sense, I think that like from my subbie personally, I think that one, it gives him a sense of fulfillment to do nice things for me, to make my days go by better, to make my days easier, to make my life easier. He gets a sense of happiness and fulfillment from that. Like he's told me, I don't know how many times, that his main goal in life is to do whatever it takes to make my life better or to make me happy, which is quite flattering. And sometimes a real hard concept to grasp because I don't know that anybody has ever loved me quite like he loves me. And sometimes it can be a tough pill to swallow. Another benefit to a female-led relationship, if you choose to incorporate this into your relationship is like ruined orgasms. And yes, I need to refer to my notes, being humiliated. The being humiliated part is not for everyone. I didn't think it was going to be for me. It is so hard from my standpoint to humiliate my subbie when his whole goal in life is to make me happy. Like I couldn't understand why he wanted to be humiliated as part of our dynamic. Sometimes I still struggle with it, especially when I'm a hormonal mess because then I'm just so emotional. I'm like, I can't be mean to you. You're the person that I love so much. Yeah, I get over it real quick. As soon as those hormones run their course, I have grown to very much enjoy some of the humiliation. I'm also very intentional about showing my appreciation for him. While I do humiliate him on different, I mean, they're just little digs here and there that, I mean, from the outside probably sound pretty mean, but he enjoys them. But I probably do it on a daily basis. He'll say something and I'll just be like, well, we have our often, never, and rarely game that we play. Like for instance, on the couple episodes ago, I was trying to scroll up with my iPad pencil on my iPad and it wasn't working. And I said something like, that's not gonna work. I'll just use my finger. And he said often. Well, we said it at the same time. It's just, it's kind of a game. I don't know if I've talked about it on here before. It's a game that we play kind of, the kids never really catch on to what we're saying or doing, but it's just different. He'll say something that is not sexual at all and we make it sexual and then rate it on an often, rarely, or never. It's anyway. Yeah, that's our game. So if you ever hear us say that in the podcast when we're together, the often, rarely, or never, that's what it's all about. I don't know where I was before I started with my story. I think the humiliation, going back to that, for me, it was a real struggle with the humiliation because in the beginning, I was so in love with this man. He was perfect. He did so many nice things for me, always took care of me. And now he wants me to humiliate him and degrade him. And I think I just had to change my perspective on it. And I know I've talked about this in past episodes, so I may be repeating myself, but it's actually bringing him joy. He very much enjoys that. It also makes him more attentive to me. And I keep saying, I don't know how he could possibly be more attentive because he's extremely attentive. Caged, not caged, whatever the case may be, but you throw in some digs and some humiliation and he bucks straight up. He's a good subbie. There are some obvious benefits for a female in a female-led relationship. Obviously, she has all the power and the control and the freedom. Personally, for me, the biggest benefit of our female-led relationship really has nothing to do with the power or the freedom. It has everything to do with the confidence that I've achieved, which again, last week wavered significantly. I blame hormones. I always blame hormones, but I'm a hundred times more confident in myself since being in a relationship with my subbie and starting this dynamic than I ever have been in my entire life. I wear things I never would have worn. I do things I never would have imagined myself doing. And I'm confident in myself and in my life choices. I may not be overly confident about my appearance, but there has not been a day where I thought, why the fuck do we live this way? I'm confident in talking about other people, talking to other people about our dynamic. In the beginning, it was a little rough, but as time goes on, like I truly 100% stand behind and believe in the positive things that come out of a female-led relationship. And I think that more people would if they took the time to just really focus on what a female-led relationship is. Not everybody is going to understand and that's fine. And not everybody's gonna wanna do, I mean, not everybody wants to be in a female-led relationship and that's okay. But I don't know, this has been really, this dynamic has been the best thing that has ever happened to me on so many levels and not even a sexual aspect of it. I mean, sex is good, but just emotionally confidence and again, dominant, confident women are sexy as fuck. Like, I don't know that I've ever, I'm never really overly confident in my appearance, but I don't know that I've ever felt more sexy. Like my subbie makes me feel so sexy. This relationship has really given me the confidence or has given me more confidence in the sexiness aspect of myself. I mean, I have to feel somewhat sexy if I'm gonna do erotic voiceover. If I don't feel sexy, it's gonna be such a dud. Anyway, that's a little bit of rambling. Kind of just to sum it up, just the level of power exchange that you have in your female-led relationship is determined by you. There is no right or wrong. It can be on so many different levels. You can have, and you don't have to give it levels. You can just do what works for you and it's perfect. I mean, if you want to tie your subbie up in a dungeon and whip him with a riding crop or a whip, I mean, I would like to be your friend. It can be whatever level. It doesn't have to be all extreme or it's not leading your submissive around by a leash, which again, I would love to do that, but you determine the amount of power exchange you have in your female-led relationship. It is totally yours to make your own and there is no right or wrong to any type of female-led relationship unless one of the parties is not consenting. That's not okay. I think that wraps it up. I don't know if that was an accurate summation, but it's where my brain's working with today. I hope everybody has a fantastic week, stays healthy, and again, all my contact info is plastered everywhere. If you have any questions or just want to chat, do not hesitate to reach out. Everybody stay healthy. We are trying. And we will chat soon. Love you all. Thanks for listening. Mwah.