Cultivating Connection: Raising a Tight-Knit Family with David Gilliland

Imagine saying "no" to countless things just to be able to powerfully say "yes" to what truly matters. In this episode, we had the pleasure of speaking with David Gilliland, a father who has done just that. By cultivating a culture of friendship and intentionality, David has successfully raised eight daughters into a tight-knit family.

As we delved into the intentional planning and growth strategies that David and his wife employ, we discovered how they maintain a strong bond with their children. From daily walks to weekly check-ins and a focus on serving each other, they've built a family life that revolves around their shared values and goals. David also opens up about the importance of vulnerability in parenting, teaching his children that it's okay to make mistakes and rely on their parents for guidance.

We also explored how David's family navigates transitions and tackles challenges together. With unique approaches such as "question and answer" nights for their teens, they've fostered a nurturing environment where open communication thrives. Listen in as David shares his wisdom on connecting with your children one small step at a time and how to not let discouragement stand in the way of making a change.

David's organization is hosting an event for business owners in August to teach leadership in all aspects of life. Kirk will be presenting there as well. If you'd like more information, please follow the link! 

https://growwithelite.com/elite-live-august/

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Transcript

Cory Moore: 0:02

Welcome to the Gentlemen Project podcast. I'm Cory Moore.

Kirk Chugg: 0:05

And I'm Kirk Chugg. Today in the podcast studio we have David Gilliland. We have known each other for a number of years but have just recently reconnected And David is one of the most purposeful people that I think I've ever run into. If you look at the comments and the reviews and recommendations on his LinkedIn profile, you'll find people that say things like he's my favorite human ever.

Kirk Chugg: 0:31

I don't know if he's looking at me like I don't even know that these recommendations are even on there, but he is a very, very purposeful dad And that's why we've got him on the podcast today, because he has a life experience that I think a lot of us will garner and glean a lot of wisdom from. He's the father of eight daughters from only one wife. He has a I think everybody's, yet you can pick your job off the floor now eight daughters from 20 to eight in that in that age range. So, david, thanks for joining us on the podcast today. I'm really looking forward to a conversation with you today.

David Gilliland: 1:11

I am delighted to talk with the two of you.

Kirk Chugg: 1:14

Give us a little bit of like short background about, like, what do you do for a living and what occupies your time when you're not being a dad to eight daughters.

David Gilliland: 1:24

So my brother and I own and run elite entrepreneurs. So our work is to help the seven figure business owners to grow their business and get to that eight figures without losing their minds. All right, there's just some challenges that come when you get more and more people and it starts to crush you or they can lift with you and it's powerful. So a lot of vision, a lot of strategy, a lot of organizing that team and really co-creating with a great team of people around you, that's what we do. We teach people how to do that.

Kirk Chugg: 1:53

And you've done that for years, yes, and worked with a lot of CEOs and helping them kind of work on this balance of how you stay sane while being a family man and being business, or I'm sure you work with women as well. So Absolutely.

Cory Moore: 2:11

So tell us a little bit about your story, like where did you grow up and what made you the man you are today.

David Gilliland: 2:17

Yeah, i grew up in Phoenix in a construction family, so we were general and electric contractors and since I was little, our family, when we were going to do something, we were going to work. Work was always a part of it. It was often serving other places. We didn't have a farm, so the cows didn't demand it, so the jobs were running well and I didn't have to be there on the weekends fixing lights that went in or hauling trash or something like that. And we were. we were serving. We were serving either in our church and our community. My, my mom made sure we served each other, so that's that's what we were doing. We grew up a lot of play, a lot of work. That's that was. that was our family, and it was a large family 10 kids.

David Gilliland: 3:06

I came from and I'm one of one of the oldest in that bunch and we just really became best friends. That set a big stage for me. So I watched that in my grandparents my father and his family and my mom and her family and that's just blood down through. We wanted our children to be best friends and you know those are the lifelong ones for us and that's what we built.

Kirk Chugg: 3:33

Okay, so I'm going to delve into that just a little bit, because I think all of us want our for our kids to be friends, and anybody who has kids knows that that's not always the case. So how do you teach that, and what type of? is it through the service that you talked about, like? is it? what other things have you done that have helped this culture of friendship between siblings?

David Gilliland: 3:59

So you guys have been in business. So the word strategy comes to mind. for me, strategy tells us what we have to say no to, the thousands of things you have to say no to, to powerfully say yes to one thing you care about. So for us, doing things together and including everybody is a high priority. So this doesn't work for everyone. You've got to figure your own strategy out. But we couldn't run around doing the soccer mom, soccer dad thing, where every child is in every different sport and you're running all sorts of directions. It just doesn't work for us. We couldn't say yes to every single activity that was happening at a church thing, or every single thing that was happening in the neighborhood, or every time the friends called and said can we play? We had to schedule time for those things, just enough. what was needed, how they could help and be a blessing to others around them. Yes, but we do strong, powerful yeses when multiples of them can be together doing, and even bigger when it's the entire family. So we do almost everything together.

David Gilliland: 5:13

I can. Tuesday nights during the winter time, we'd schedule a gym and it was our sports night. None of us play. well, okay, we do it for exposure, for fun, and we're doing kick ball or whatever else you know, and but our big enough to do that's right, we've got teams. We don't even need anyone else to do any of the sports that we're wanting to play, so we just we get in, we dive in, we do stuff together and we pull them from school to go and do things together as a family on the regular.

David Gilliland: 5:46

That's just what we do.

Kirk Chugg: 5:47

What are some of those things that you pull your kids out of school for? I'm just curious.

David Gilliland: 5:52

Well, we pulled our kids out of one year of school and took them to the rainforest in Brazil, forced them into a culture where they didn't speak the language, and they spent five months on the Amazon learning to love people and learning to love differently. So that's one of our family purposes. We used to be a where the gill lends we serve. We would just say where the gill lends. My daughters would say we serve you know kind of rolling their eyes.

David Gilliland: 6:20

And then then, after 20 years of that game, we changed it to where the gill lends and they say we love. Oh, we took them to Brazil to learn a different way of loving. I hear in the US you kind of have to prove yourself before you're let in.

David Gilliland: 6:35

There it's your lead in until you prove you don't belong And we wanted our girls to know that's another good way to love. There's lots of ways, and so we've. We did something like that. We, instead of playing with their friends in the summer, one year we took them and lived in an orphanage in Mexico. Now they had to learn a new language.

David Gilliland: 6:54

Crazy, challenging, right, wonderful tears that would come to their eyes because it's really hard and they're frustrating. Like you can do this, you can do hard things, but we did it together And their memories that last a lifetime. And we've done some other trips like that to other countries that have been very powerful, helpful to them, but more so just in the neighborhood, when, when someone needs something, the whole family shows up to help move. We're all weeding the yard together. In fact, we're weeding our own yard together. Anyway, that's. That's the kind of thing. It's just a lot of together. Thanksgiving time we are taking all of Wednesday off to do nothing but make pie all day, 15 different flavors of pie, right, and the girls just love it And I'm not complaining.

Kirk Chugg: 7:45

So you don't look like you eat a lot of pie. So together right.

Cory Moore: 7:50

That's cool. You almost have to do that with eight kids And you grew up in a big family. But as you're saying that, i'm thinking to myself. I have my kids go on 15,000 different directions because I only have three. It's a little easier. At the same time, even if I had two, i have three. That togetherness is still so important, right? It doesn't really matter how many you have. If you have one, do it together.

David Gilliland: 8:16

Yeah.

Cory Moore: 8:16

Right, So I think that's a good lesson learned for me is just to think okay, how can we do more together? And we're pretty tight and our kids get along really well, But I love. I love what your head's at with. Let's focus on what do we say no to so that we can say yes to things that we're doing as a family. I'm sure there's lots of people who could learn from that, from that lesson. Is that what your parents did with something similar to that?

David Gilliland: 8:44

Somewhat We're a bit extreme.

Cory Moore: 8:46

Yeah.

David Gilliland: 8:48

We've taken it to that next level. My wife Her master's is in marriage, family, human development. She's thought about these things, she studies these things And we talk about it and argue about it and work through it and figure it out together a lot.

David Gilliland: 9:03

And always reanalyzing it. As the kids got older. We had to change and shift how we did it, and so we've been developing it as we go. But my parents both sets of parents do have a strong pull to say let's bring the family together as much as they can. And that has passed through, and I think that's how we build generation after generation.

Cory Moore: 9:27

So what are the things on purpose? So you talked about really like work hard, play hard together Kind of your parents did that And serving together and spending time together. You said you and your wife are talking about how do we all change over time? Like as our kids get older, our focus and our emphasis kind of has to change because they're in different stages of their life. So is this something you do on purpose? Do you sit down once a month with your wife Or is this by osmosis, like hey, when we're together we're talking about how to better parent.

David Gilliland: 9:59

OK, so I don't know if you've ever heard of Gottman and some of his research and work out there, But there's this magic six hours that Gottman talks about for couples, And so that's something your audience can listen to or look up and find out. But we have daily. I get home from work And before I go and embrace all the kids, my wife and I go on a walk. We catch up from the day. We hear what's going on in each other's lives and in the children, whatever else and what plans are happening, And we get in sync And that's a walk around the neighborhood And if it's been a rough day there's going to be a long walk around the neighborhood And the kids have a job now to make the meal, make sure when we come in, we have dinner ready, and so we're going on a walk.

David Gilliland: 10:46

That's happening every day, then every week we're going to have a Sunday. She and I are going to weekly what's happening? Where's this?

Cory Moore: 10:56

going.

David Gilliland: 10:56

So these are parts of it. There's other things to that Gottman's magic six. But every week, a focused time of what are we building towards every day, reconnecting where we're at, and then we tend to pull aside. It happens by accident. We say we want to plan it, but it never really does right. Life gets crazy, but every quarter, just like you do with your business, you take that time to think the long term strategic focus Where are we going? What's the big stuff we have to build three years from now? It's not about reacting to here and now if you want to build something great, and so that's what we're doing Every quarter.

David Gilliland: 11:32

If we didn't take the time, life breaks us to the point that, no, that's it. I'm not going into work. Today It's going to be eight hours And we're going to crank through some stuff And we're going to talk about the big picture And we're going to clean things up between us to make sure we're on the same page. And then we get intentional about where we're going with the kids, each one of them. What does our oldest need? What's the next one? Where are they at? How are we going to help them? What topic should we discuss As we eat meals together and in our eating of meals we train.

David Gilliland: 12:07

We're teaching values and skills. So breakfast there's going to be a breakfast discussion. We're going to talk about stuff And sometimes we're going to talk about so what is love Exactly? We're going to talk about something like let's talk about integrity or let's talk about I'll teach them what values are in a business sense. Here's your purpose, here's your core values, here's a mission and why you use it, why you have a long-term goal. What is strategy? How do you organize a team So we'll teach them things? we know She teaches them things from marriage and family Really powerful stuff. So we just do little five-minute, 10-minute discussions every morning And then at night we're reviewing things, different topics depending on the day of the week. We have themes that we follow, but pretty intentional about teaching and talking together And talk about it.

Cory Moore: 12:57

That's awesome. I'm thrilled about this. So in business, certainly, when you plan, you do your strategic planning, as we call it in the business world, and if you do that really well and you're super focused on it, even if you only succeed in half of what you plan to do, it's going to be way better than if you never did strategic planning. Same thing in your personal life If you plan your week out, you plan your day out. The chances are you're going to have a great week. Same thing with your family If you're planning it all out.

Cory Moore: 13:33

This is what I've learned. I'm not even close to as good as you are with your wife, so I'm taking notes as we go here, but I'm thinking to myself with my business experience, personal experience, in planning my weeks and my years and whatever that. if you planned, as you're talking about, hey, what should we do with each kid? Where do we see them in three years? What do they need help with? What values do our kids need? What can we do this week or this day to help them? And you actually did that pre-planning. Like I said, even if half of your plans came to fruition, it'll be 100% better than if you didn't plan at all It feels like to me, based on my experience, is that similar to you.

David Gilliland: 14:14

It's exactly how that feels, because, if nothing more, it changes the way I talk with my daughters, because we already talked together about where we were headed. So, instead of me driving down the same path, i'll always drive down the same old rut, right? This reminds me. oh wait, a second. This one needed a little extra care and love. She needed more support right now. She actually though those things should be corrected someday. today it's not needed. Hold back, david. So just talking about where we're going, for each of them matters, and then together we could never have taken a trip and disappeared for a chunk of time, not knowing if we could contact people back here without having planned that out, dreamed about it, thought about it, planned it.

David Gilliland: 15:10

And you can't do that saying so, what's coming up next month?

Cory Moore: 15:15

Yeah, no way.

David Gilliland: 15:16

Those are years out. Right, I had to prepare my business that it could do what it needed to do with me being gone.

Kirk Chugg: 15:24

Don't you have something else planned coming up this summer? What are your summer plans?

David Gilliland: 15:28

We're actually, so we're headed back down to the same state, in Brazil this time. We haven't been back for three, four years. But we're headed back down to that same state, just a village, just a little more remote than the last one, and we're going to take our niece with us so she can experience this a little bit too. So now the kids, all my kids, speak Portuguese now, so it's not really that same thing, but they'll go down there and we'll figure out what's needed And we'll be there for maybe eight weeks.

Cory Moore: 16:02

So it's a shorter trip. How did that change them? These some of these trips? how has it affected your girls?

David Gilliland: 16:10

They know they can do anything. They just don't have limits. So it's fun to watch that. They can talk to people they had not known before And my girls were really active, out loud, rambunctious kids with each other and then kind of hold back a lot around others And they learned to wait a second. It's OK. I can reach out to people in a different way. I can love sooner, bring people in sooner And I can eat food that's got bugs in it And right there there can be iguanas run through the middle of our house And it doesn't matter that a roach just flew at me. They're just tough kids. So I think it helped a lot. And they came back and they realized, wow, all the people we met out there were so happy and they have nothing. They came back to our house and our house is humble here And it feels like a mansion to them And they don't need stuff. They just don't. So it's kind of neat to see them. They're disconnected. They hardly ever touch a phone And they just connect with people and do stuff.

Cory Moore: 17:21

Now And you think that's a lot of is from the trips.

David Gilliland: 17:25

A lot of it's from the intentionality all along the way. The trip was supportive.

Cory Moore: 17:29

Gotcha.

David Gilliland: 17:31

So that's been stuff we've done since they were little.

Kirk Chugg: 17:35

So I mean listening to you, you would think that this is like the best dad that you've ever heard of, has this amazing relationship with his wife that doesn't make many mistakes. But I want to ask you, david Oh, you were talking about me, i was talking about you. I thought you were talking about some mythical one that we were going to discuss. I know you don't see yourself that way, but I think for anybody listening to the podcast it sounds that way Like if I could just implement one of the things that you've talked about today, my family would be better and stronger for it. So hopefully that's motivational. Talk to us about some of the challenges that you've had and the things that you've had to fight through and some of the vulnerable moments that you've had as a dad of eight, married to the same woman the whole time. What are some of the things that you have learned and some of the things that have really been difficult for you?

David Gilliland: 18:32

If you don't lay out all your cards, you're holding anything back. Then there's something that's unreal in your relationship with your wife or your spouse, right, If you're a woman listening to this.

David Gilliland: 18:46

So until I brought my weaknesses to my wife and together shared those and asked for help, I think it was an impediment and definitely was in our emotional intimacy and ability to really talk, because I had a barrier up right, so my own vices needed to be brought out, clear and open and talk through, and I think our oldest was about 10 when each of us shared, even with our kids hey, we've been through some tough things in life and we're not perfect. We want you to know. And it was because we were trying to help in our community in some of those same efforts and we're like we're going to come out and tell the community. We need to tell our kids first and talk with them. And so we did.

David Gilliland: 19:35

We talked through some of the traumas and issues that had come in life because of let's see what's the kind word Well, let's say not kind word because of sexual assault that had happened before, because of vices in pornography and other things like that, some of those sexual addictions that pull at you. and to be able to have a real frank conversation with each other and then to say to your kids hey, we really actually do understand this stuff. We're going to teach you some things that are going to help you rock this world.

David Gilliland: 20:10

And even if you have a mistake, it's okay, you can get better, and we're firm believers in our religion, so for us we turn them like Jesus has got this. Don't try to do this alone.

David Gilliland: 20:25

And he loves you just as much. If you've had problems, don't worry, so do we And you can trust and talk with us And we've had some great conversations with our kids in their own struggles and issues because they know, hey, mom and dad aren't perfect, right, And you can imagine that can rock some things around inside of a marriage. That can be a bumpy thing And it just builds strength when you're open with each other on that.

David Gilliland: 20:52

So I'd say that's one area, yeah, have I been perfect? No. And then when I make my kids cry because I'm being insensitive, i do that a lot, right. And so I have a job and it's the thing that I brought in. I was like I want to do this. This is the next step I want to bring within my own family is I want to be the dad that apologizes. So I get on the level with the kid and I say I'm so sorry, i did this That wasn't in line with what we've always taught and what you deserve. And it doesn't matter that I had things I was right about, right? No, the way I delivered it did not send the right message. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? Ask my kids to come and forgive me. I try to do that on the regular. I probably don't do it enough, because there's only so many minutes in a day and there's enough things to apologize for. Keep me busy.

David Gilliland: 21:48

I think, that's really powerful.

Kirk Chugg: 21:50

Yeah.

Cory Moore: 21:50

I'm the same way. I'm always trying to say I'm sorry. I don't think I've been as good, though, at being vulnerable with my kids, and I think what you talked about there, where you say, hey, these are the mistakes I've made, right out in the open with your kids, is huge. I think it's. I think, honestly, i'm thinking you know, if more parents did that explained Hey, i've had my vices, i've had my issues. Here's what they were.

Cory Moore: 22:13

When kids don't feel like there's this perfect world out there that they see on social media, that they see what like if you if you're not talking about being human as an apparent then you're kind of telling your kids Oh, look, we're, this is a, these are our expectations and we're perfect. Now, no parent actually thinks that, but that's what the kids are perceiving. You want me to be at this level and you've never told me one bad thing you've ever done, and so I have to be perfect, because my parents are perfect and everything I see out there is you know only what the good that people want to see. So I feel like that's a really important conversation. I feel like what you just told us is actually huge, because if your kids are, know that you're imperfect that you're, you're apologizing, you're telling them Hey, here's some mistakes I've made. When they make mistakes, it's a whole different ballgame. They can come to you because you weren't perfect, that I'd been out and ask my parents for some help, right? Or I'm not going to just think, oh, the whole world's falling down on me. Look at my parents, they're doing fine and they weren't perfect.

Cory Moore: 23:19

You know, I think that conversation that you just mentioned was something that more parents should do, and it's not going to be easy for people. Wouldn't be easy for me. Right, most my kids know most of my vices, but I wouldn't say all of them. So I, you know, i'm kind of looking in inside right now going, yeah, corey, that would be a good sit down for you to have so that they realize that you're not perfect. You know you're. They already know I'm far from it, but but even even more so. So I'm glad you shared that.

David Gilliland: 23:48

Well, i'll warn you if you do it, one of the kids actually hears you. This is no different than any other time. You tell your children something, one of them hears it and the others didn't get it, so you end up having to do it over and over and over.

David Gilliland: 24:00

This isn't. It's like that same false thought You know everyone talks about. Oh yeah, I had the talk with my parents and hopefully you talk about sex with your children a whole lot more than just one time, mostly because they don't know that they're not listening, Just like they're not listening when you ask them to take out the trash. They're not listening half the time. One of them hears it, not the others, And I've got eight of them, and so you know it's a repeat thing.

David Gilliland: 24:26

We're bringing them back and we're talking about in another areas.

Kirk Chugg: 24:28

There's a lot to a lot of areas of life, but what is your method of spending one on one time with eight daughters?

David Gilliland: 24:41

Oh, it's mostly shot right now. Thanks for bringing that up So.

Cory Moore: 24:46

They do everything as a family.

Kirk Chugg: 24:48

I know, i heard that, i heard that.

David Gilliland: 24:50

So for the first, oh man, first dozen plus years, i was scheduling in one on one time. And we were doing one on one time, yeah, meaning like I take them out, we'd do daddy daughter dates. Right, my wife would have special time with each of the kids and It's not working right now on that, and so I have this, the 15 year old. She's learning to drive, so she's also learning to shop. So when we go shopping, she drives, she drives the cart to that way I can count the time, because they don't need 40 hours. What That's crazy.

Cory Moore: 25:28

So I count the shopping cart.

David Gilliland: 25:30

Sometimes I make her actually signal with her hands, like dad, don't make me signal in the store. I love it.

Kirk Chugg: 25:37

I have two boys who are drivers at right now. That's a good idea.

David Gilliland: 25:40

And so so I'll get one on one time with her that way, right.

David Gilliland: 25:44

Anytime I'm running in there and we try to bring somebody with us, we'll go, and we, when we're doing work in the home, we try to work alongside one of them for a while, chit chat work, then migrate over to another one, chit chat work, right, it's difficult We do when we feel like we're disconnecting a little bit, we'll pull one into our room and just have them sit on the bed and chat And they'll just talk. If it's, if it's a late at night and they're supposed to be in bed, they're ready to talk, and so that's a perfect little time for it.

David Gilliland: 26:15

Ruins my sleep, but builds other things.

Kirk Chugg: 26:19

That's actually a pretty good hack there, because when kids don't want to go to bed, they'll, they'll talk, they'll talk right, then They know it gets.

David Gilliland: 26:26

they can stay up a little longer.

Kirk Chugg: 26:28

All of a sudden, the more they talk, the less they'll lose The longer they get to stay up. Uh, tell us a little bit about the, the intentionality that your wife has brought to your relationship. I know that you said that she is kind of the glue that has held the family together and propelled some of these ideas forward. Talk to us about her role in your relationship and in your family unit.

David Gilliland: 26:54

Um, i, i want to be generous with myself And I'll say a full equal in absolutely everything. Uh, but I, i admire her, uh, admire just who she is, and I've never known anyone who loves as deeply as she does. I used to think I was like that, i had empathy, i don't right, used to think I loved, and I was like, oh, i'd never seen anyone love so deeply. Uh, but she thinks her brain's always working. Mine is not. I do empty, enter the emptiness box where I just don't think.

David Gilliland: 27:34

Sometimes She is always thinking, and she focuses it so many of the times on how we will intentionally do this next thing, and so she's always thinking about it, and in our walks we're talking about it, and on Sunday we're talking about it, we're rethinking it and we look at some of the patterns. We set up rhythms, just like you do in any organization. But these rhythms that you follow, we look at the rhythms. Are they serving us or not? Each one of them will revisit, probably annually, that it's like tear it all down, if we were rebuilding from start. And she thinks that way.

David Gilliland: 28:12

So she thinks, anyway, she's brilliant. She thinks systemically, meaning what are the things touching this? And that's what my discipline came from too, and so we think more than like oh, they're doing A, do B to fix it, so it's now C. Like no, it's actually the food they're eating, it's the time they're getting into bed, it's the materials they're reading, it's these other things also. We need to shift everything if we're going to get it to work better, to help the child succeed. So I just think the role is she's always thinking about it, she comes up with great ideas. We bounce them back and forth. Sometimes I hear and listen well, and sometimes I don't get it. I think I frustrate at times, and other times I probably add a good idea to with her and then we embrace that, we plan it in and we start doing it.

David Gilliland: 29:11

Some days she's teaching some topics and other times she's asked me to come up with some things to share. She's like why don't you share some things from your profession? Teach them a few things. I'm going to bore my children with my profession, which that's exactly what it does, but they're still being taught it.

Kirk Chugg: 29:27

And one in eight might be listening.

David Gilliland: 29:29

Yeah, but it's a win because next time it'll be another one of the eight. Right, it's just repetition and We have one thing that we instituted when the kids, when the girls, became teenagers. It's been a big deal for us because a lot of people talk about, oh, teenage years. There's this pain behind it, or fear. We have wonderful teenage kids, but we use this thing called question and answer, and it's Sunday night. The younger go to bed, all the teens, well, 12-year-old and up, they stay up and they get to ask any question they want. Everything's a go And a lot of times our answer is I don't know. But if we do know, we're sharing, we're having this conversation, we get to hear their questions. That's a good place to be because it's like they also keep each other in check. They're helping each other. Think through it right.

David Gilliland: 30:32

And that's been a lot of fun is these question and answer times. Sometimes they don't come with questions and then we're like, all right, you're not going to talk about questions. And then we're going to talk about physical intimacy Like, oh no, we'll come up with questions.

David Gilliland: 30:45

Right And I go. Well, if you're not ready for it, we'll talk about dating. We're going to talk about consent and we're going to talk about what abuse looks like. We're going to talk about the joy and the happiness that can come through Really connecting with your spouse and so many different angles I go, oh my goodness not again I like. Well, then, come up with your own questions So we have some fun conversations tonight.

Cory Moore: 31:08

That's a really good idea. Now your oldest is 20, right, yeah, you said. And so how about this transition? So you're going through the same transition we kind of are with our oldest. So there's the teenage years, and then there's the I'm not going to be at home soon Yeah, launching, yeah, the launching years, i would call it, and Kirk and I are kind of on the verge of that as we speak. You know, a year away, or six months away or whatever, we're close And you've sounds like have you done the launch as the 20 year old not at home anymore, or is she at home still?

David Gilliland: 31:40

Well, she is back at home for another two weeks, So but she's she, I say at home, she sleeps at home, She is fully launched. She's fully launched financially, can take care of herself. Oh, that's impressive. Working, schooling. She can do all that. She's already done that before and manages it. And then the second one is launched and was often on her own and working and schooling, and now is serving a mission for our church And so very cool. So, yeah, yeah, we've, we've launched a couple. What, what do you want to talk about?

Cory Moore: 32:15

Well, i guess I mean my question is, you know, like I'm in this stage of like, how much freedom do I give or not give? you know, And of course, mostly you want to trust that you raise some right and that they're going to make the right decisions. And you know, quite frankly, they have to make some mistakes in order to grow up. You know, it's just part of that whole launch thing, but you don't want to make any big mistakes, you know, you hope. Granted, if they do, maybe that's what's best for them. But I guess for me it's just like trying to play that balancing act of how much freedom do I give them or not, you know, and where does that end? And I have a specific in my world. My daughter, on her own, got into this NYU six week program, which is she'll be 16, turning 17 during the program. So six weeks at NYU without her parents, and it's pretty hard curriculum and there's curfews and dorms and all that. But I'm kind of like at this moment of oh no she's going to be gone.

Cory Moore: 33:15

Is she ready for this? And in a lot of ways I think she is. another way she makes mistakes every day where I'm on, you're not ready for this, you know you lied about this, or you're not doing your homework here or whatever, Right. And so, yeah, I'm because I think we're both in this moment of what's worked, what hasn't worked, any advice you might give on on that moment in time in life.

David Gilliland: 33:37

Well, i can't give advice, because you and your wife are going to come up with what works with your daughter together. But what we did was we actually spent a couple of hours just outlining and we titled it Launch Academy. Right, and we're like, okay, what do they really need to learn to launch And what are the things we wish we had taught more, that we're going to continue this conversation, and so we wrote out almost like a curriculum of hey, here's topics that were important to us or them in their situation, and we've used it twice now.

David Gilliland: 34:18

Right, worked through that, spent that couple of hours thinking about it, let it settle for a bit, came back revisited, added some things, and then we would bring them in and have some conversations and I do mean some conversations over four or five weeks. Right, this piece, this hour, the next week, another hour, one of ours would shock some listeners, probably, but that's when I find this like okay, we're going to set up your Facebook account. They never got to do social before. Then. It's part of the launch and you know what? they're not far behind, and so what we walk them through is like let me show you some things that are really cool, that can really help you in connecting with some people. Let me show you some things that will kill your time. Let me show you some things that will sap your soul. These were things that have been hard on me and I want you to know about right. So, if you want to use it, here's some skills. So one of the times was actually setting up their social accounts that they actually wanted or would need at some point a little bit, and so they learned some of those things right. Others they'd already learned to go shopping because, right, i do that with my 16 year olds, so they've already kind of figured out how to do all that kind of stuff. We teach them a little bit about you.

David Gilliland: 35:35

Just go down topics. There's all sorts of dating. Dating is its own thing When they're launching. We call it Stage 2 dating. Stage 1 dating just getting to know everyone. These are friends, these are high school kids. You're not looking for a mate. Stage 2 dating it's a different game. It doesn't mean that your boundaries have to change And teaching our children about some of those things. So we have a special thing just for dating and that takes a lot of time. We do it when they're 14, 15, turning 16. All that time they're getting one level And then when they're 19, 20, 21, they're getting the next level we're teaching them about. You know, hoping to keep the conversation open is always what we're after.

David Gilliland: 36:24

Keep the conversation open. But that's what we do. We actually. I mean, we're kind of nerds that way. Right, you're just teaching lessons all the time. It looks like that's conversations, but we're talking through them, we're seeing how they're doing, and they do mostly well, but the reality is they're going to get to make their mistakes, just like we did right, and so it's fun to watch.

Cory Moore: 36:45

Going to be a launch Academy to discussion at the Moore home this week.

Kirk Chugg: 36:51

That's great stuff. Is there any chance that your daughters will listen to this podcast?

David Gilliland: 36:59

I would say none unless I send it to him.

Kirk Chugg: 37:03

Yeah.

David Gilliland: 37:03

So sure.

Kirk Chugg: 37:04

I'll send it to him, so maybe Why not? Would you talk to them This is, if they were in the room about your role as a dad, as their dad?

David Gilliland: 37:15

I will share a message to them as a group, more than happy to. They have unknowingly taught me more about being a good human Then probably anything else ever could. Because I see so quickly on their faces The response of yeah, david, this might have worked for you in the past When the stakes were low, but this matters now. I see it on their faces and I like, oh, that was, that was not who I want to be. That's helped a lot.

David Gilliland: 37:50

And then, on the other side, to the amount of joy. I mean those girls, they are just, they're wonderful. They are wonderful pain sometimes And they don't get their stuff done When they want to come and snuggle their daddy, and it's priceless. They want to tell me about the things they're excited about and their eyes are dancing. I could just hold that moment forever. Some of the things that connect in their minds. They're brilliant. They know things that I didn't even know. Like you're like 12, really, but I'm just top things through my interaction with them and through that, time has changed me. Forever grateful to him. And then I also let him know that. And when.

David Gilliland: 38:40

I get older, you're going to have to change my pants as much as I changed yours, so something to look forward to, something like the last law.

Cory Moore: 38:50

It's like the last lesson in the lunch. Don't forget, don't forget.

David Gilliland: 38:54

It's not going to be that long until it's your turn. It's going to be messy.

Kirk Chugg: 39:01

Well, there's been so much good content in this today and so much inspiration and, hopefully, transformation for people that are listening to Take one thing out of this right, take the small bite And move forward with that one thing And then reevaluate and then pick one more thing.

Kirk Chugg: 39:26

Sometimes I think I feel, sitting here with you, david, that I have so much to learn from you, even being in the space that Corey and I are in, that I feel inadequate in some ways, that I haven't done some of these things with my kids, that they they feel that I feel Like I've missed the opportunity, and I know that that's not the feeling that will motivate me to change.

Kirk Chugg: 39:58

That's the feeling that's going to motivate me to stay the same. So, if you're listening to the podcast and you've heard David today talk about these amazing ideas and the partnership that he has with his wife and the daily walks and the things that that they've done in their family, it's probably been a slog at times to get through some of those things, to become what their family unit is and what they do. So don't let that be a discouragement. Let it be a motivation that you can just choose one of those things today to go do and to try and to motivate you to have a better connection with your children so that they can launch and maybe take a launch Academy course. Sounds like it needs to be published, david.

David Gilliland: 40:50

The things we do every time we're not doing Again. These are the things that are the. They're like lifeboats for us. We break apart when we're not doing. So it's not that, oh look, we've come to some perfect way and everyone needs it. Now we found the things that were necessary for us to not be crushed. So that's us. You'll find things. If the, if you're solo in it, then you know, pull God into it, or pull in that trusted friend, pull in another person to talk with a little bit and wrestle with or if you don't have anyone, just sit and think and let those ideas come in.

David Gilliland: 41:37

Think with an open heart of what's next. Just take a little bit of time to think. You'll find something that works for you so you're not crushed. Instead, you can thrive a little bit Again. Ours were necessary for us and they've been. They've been powerful for us. So really, really grateful that we've gone through this log and and enjoyed, enjoyed some of the journey there too.

Cory Moore: 42:07

So we ask everyone a question at the end of the podcast And that is what does it mean to you to be a gentleman? You're a sound like a great husband and great father of eight girls. That's a pretty big question for you. What does it mean to you to be a gentleman?

David Gilliland: 42:26

Oh, this is the little. This is the one I'm working on again today. Just in the last few days, reminded again, approach things with a gentle heart. Sometimes I can be driven and I want to go and do make it happen, and that's just not seeing the people around me And so I always have to sit back. Okay, in my getting defensive, am I getting aggressive? Am I what like? or am I letting my heart be gentle and just say I know it feels like I'm being accused, i know it feels like and you know what, maybe I am, and maybe that's okay.

David Gilliland: 43:13

But just to step back and say my job is to protect, not just physically from others, but emotionally from me. My job is to protect my jobs, to to provide safety, love, laughter, warmth. And I think a gentleman, let's go of a lot of the bravado and and lets the other people shine instead of getting their way. That's what I'm trying to preach to myself right now, so I'll tell you if it works later.

Cory Moore: 43:49

It's fantastic advice actually.

Kirk Chugg: 43:53

An avenue we haven't heard before, and I'm sure you talk about those types of qualities with your daughters too, because you hope someday that they marry someone that has those qualities, that will treat them the way that you would like them to be treated.

David Gilliland: 44:07

Yeah, or my violence, and might come back out.

Kirk Chugg: 44:11

Approach everything with a gentle heart, david. Gentle heart, gentle heart, gentle heart. Better take care of my girls. Well, that was an amazing podcast, an amazing interview. Thank you, david, for coming in and and having this conversation with us. I hope that the people listening have gleaned something from this that they can use to better their family, to strengthen those relationships I know I have. So thank you.

David Gilliland: 44:37

I really appreciate being on with both of you guys. I love what you're doing. We need more voices.

Cory Moore: 44:44

Amen, thanks for your time today. You had some really, really good stuff and most of the content almost all the content we haven't heard before, which is pretty amazing after more than 100 episodes, how many episodes are we now?

Kirk Chugg: 44:58

105,. I think 105.

Cory Moore: 45:00

So thank you. I appreciate that anytime that I can walk away and be inspired to be a little better. I know it's a great podcast, so thanks for being with us.

Kirk Chugg: 45:09

And if you've listened to this podcast today and felt prompted to share this with somebody that you know or that you love, that they might find this helpful. please follow that prompting act on each good thought. I'm Kirk Chugg.

Cory Moore: 45:25

And I'm Cory Moore. Have a great day.