In this conversation, we speak with our friend Bryan J. Hurd about his life experiences and the mindfulness and intentional living that shape it. We delve into his family traditions, his 20-year marriage to his wife, and lessons learned while raising their four sons. We also discuss how to catch life's curveballs with grace and intention, and how to confront inner shadows during difficult times.
We also talk about the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, his personal experience with mental health challenges, and how societal landscapes shifted during this time. Additionally, we discuss the transformative experience of the Evolution Project event formed from Bryan's journey that he now shares with other men on their own journey.
Lastly, we touch upon fatherhood, shared experiences, and the connections fostered through the Evolution Project. Join us!
Check out the show on any of your favorite platforms and give us a like and follow if you like our content!
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In this conversation, we speak with our friend Bryan J. Hurd about his life experiences and the mindfulness and intentional living that shape it. We delve into his family traditions, his 20-year marriage to his wife, and lessons learned while raising their four sons. We also discuss how to catch life's curveballs with grace and intention, and how to confront inner shadows during difficult times.
We also talk about the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, his personal experience with mental health challenges, and how societal landscapes shifted during this time. Additionally, we discuss the transformative experience of the Evolution Project event formed from Bryan's journey that he now shares with other men on their own journey.
Lastly, we touch upon fatherhood, shared experiences, and the connections fostered through the Evolution Project. Join us!
Check out the show on any of your favorite platforms and give us a like and follow if you like our content!
Apple Podcasts
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gentlemen-project-podcast/id1536669294
Google Podcasts
https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5idXp6c3Byb3V0LmNvbS8xMzIwMDMxLnJzcw?sa=X&ved=0CAcQrrcFahcKEwiwk7STluT_AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQLA
Audible
https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Gentlemen-Project-Podcast-Podcast/B08LG4HBLR?action_code=ASSGB149080119000H&share_location=pdp
Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/6a91bd19-279b-41f5-bab2-b2cecfed7beb/the-gentlemen-project-podcast
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/thegentlemenprojectpodcast
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/thegentlemenprojectpodcast/
Twitter
...
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast. I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk.
Speaker 2:Chug. Brian J Herd is in the podcast studio with us today and we're super excited to have him. Brian and I knew each other, I think through social media and through mutual friends, for a number of years, but it wasn't until I was invited to be a part of a monthly men's group that Brian was a part of. Walked into the room, there was Brian, gave us an opportunity to actually get to know each other on a personal level. We've been able to hang out many times since then. Many of these men's group meetings have kind of driven me to really respect Brian and I've been able to do some events. He runs a really cool project we're going to talk about today that I've been able to attend and go to, and really a life-changing event. We'll let Brian introduce himself and his family, but I'm super excited to have you here today, brian. Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast.
Speaker 3:I'm excited to be here. I'm going to be honest with you. All of a sudden, the mic started and everything, and I got nervous. Brian nervous.
Speaker 2:Come on, it's true.
Speaker 1:Well, what does the J stand for? Is that something that we want to talk about on the podcast?
Speaker 3:Jeffrey, my father Fitty. We have a tradition in the Herd family First boy named after their father middle name. So we got Dean Wayne, jeffrey, dean Brian, herd Camden Brian. Hey, cool. So there's the four generations.
Speaker 1:I like that.
Speaker 2:That's a pretty good tradition. Yeah, I didn't know that. Learning something new about you on the podcast today, there you go. So you have a family of boys.
Speaker 3:I call them the Wolfpack. My boys are 18, 16, 14. And then, just for fun, we had a child and he's four. So there's a 10-year gap between our three and our fourth. So that's the Wolfpack, part two. He's probably the most fierce of all four of them and runs the roost. My oldest son, Camden, currently serving in LDS mission in Singapore and Malaysia. It's been out for about four months Loving that experience. We're loving it as his parents. It's been really cool to watch him go through that and have that experience. My 16-year-old Rostin, awesome, fun guy. I really feel like he's one of my really good friends. Rostin's very entrepreneurial minded. He's very kinetic. Just one flipping car. This is the one that flips cars like very entrepreneurial.
Speaker 2:The Utah State tax mission does not lessen to, that's right. The podcast.
Speaker 3:He only does three a year, guys, so we're keeping it clean. And then Colin is my 30s, 14. Colin's gift is his smile. He's just the easiest going happy kid ever. We joke around. A couple years ago he went on a vacation to the Polynesian Cultural Center and you know how you can like roll on tattoos. This kid rolled on tattoos every part of his body and he's like throwing spears and like into the coconuts and stuff, and he's actually doing this. And so a fun fact about my kids is my wife is from India. She was adopted and she was three months old, so our children look like ethnic right. They have brown eyes and darker skin, and so the joke is is like Colin's a big kid. He almost looks Polynesian, right.
Speaker 1:Once he puts on all the tattoos and starts throwing spears, he looks really Polynesian.
Speaker 3:If you would have seen him there, dude, it was the funniest thing ever. He's just like throwing it hidden, just smiling. It's like happy kid. He starts talking like Maui Dude. He's like an eye, like he has that Islander, like vibe, he's just chill, right. And then Anders is, you know, the light of our lives and you know that Lake Caboose, my wife Chandi. She's amazing. We've been married for 20 years this year and she's just awesome. She's everything that I'm not. You know it's interesting. I married my opposite and that's been like a really interesting thing to go through in life. Right, because it's like she covers all my blind spots and I don't know. It's just something that my younger self couldn't have foreseen. You know what I mean. I appreciate it more as I get older. That'd be the right way to say it.
Speaker 2:Interesting that you say those things about, like, coming in to realize things. Or I'm old enough to say this now, or I'm old enough to realize this, because something you have to understand about Brian is he's probably my most mindful friend and he's always looking at things through a different lens than I do and he kind of like invites you to look through a different window than what you're currently looking out of. And you know, he's encouraged me and he's said things to me that just make sense in my brain and he's mindful and very, very purposeful in what he says and what he does. And so if you're listening to the podcast today, like that's just and you get that sense, brian is a very, very mindful guy and he spends a lot of time on self-improvement, spends a lot of time in his own head, right, and I think I'm saying that as a good thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a hugely positive thing in my mind.
Speaker 2:Like. I don't know if there's a better way to say it, but Brian very, very much is purposeful about the way he thinks.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I like to think of it as, like, I'm always in a conversation with life. That's how I view it. I mean, this is like a kind of Buddhist philosophy, but it's not getting hung up on right or wrong, it's more living in this place of like everything I've experienced in my life has led me to this place. Therefore, failures are not failures, it's just progress towards me, and you know the concept of evolution, for example. Right, it's this continual improvement. I just like to think of my life as like a conversation. You know, you can say with God, you can say with life, you can say with higher power, you can say whatever. But I think that when I can put purpose to my experiences in life, good and bad, it makes things make more sense and it gives me a deeper well of gratitude to like go forth and live my life from, which is not. I've not always been like that, guys, I was going to ask you that.
Speaker 1:Is that like, was this a learned thing? And when did it come to you and how did it progress? Because I think I think people are more at peace when they're thinking the way you are and when they're trying to tap in, to thinking about life and a higher power and what, why are they really here and what is my purpose and all those things. How did that come to you and, like, where did that come from?
Speaker 3:Life is sequential. I believe that, like I used to brand myself as the most positive person I knew, now, on the surface that sounds pretty cool, but if I went a couple layers deeper with that same person and I'm talking like this is probably when I was in my 20s I can remember when I would write in my journal during that period of time in my life, like my goal was I want to be the most positive person that I know, and I branded myself with that, create a lot of identity around it. The challenge to that is is I gave myself a window of emotions that I allowed myself to feel, because if I wanted to be the most positive person I knew, I had to be very careful about feeling good all the time is really what I was going for. So what I found is is I created this like emotional spectrum where it was like I want to feel good, I don't want to feel bad too long and I don't want to feel really great too long, because if I feel great too long, something's bound to take me down to good and I hate how I feel when I'm bad. I can't be with my own emotions of feeling bad. How on earth could I sit with somebody else, but for a while, like that was the conversation with life. I'm the most positive person. I know, anything that happened in my life. I'm like going to find the rainbow in it, right. Until one day I realized like I think I'm missing the conversation Because if I'm limiting the feelings that I can actually feel in my life, there's other feelings that want to teach me something that I'm not allowing. Like I'm stuffing those emotions, I'm ignoring those emotions and my belief is is that at some point the volcano erupts, at some point we get revealed to ourselves ultimately, but it's going to come out. It's just when.
Speaker 3:For me, that was COVID. Covid, for me, was there were things boiling in motion, but COVID is what you know. That was the kicker for me, because I couldn't do it anymore, you know, and what's cool is and that's exactly why I'm here where I'm at right now. You know, without getting I mean, I can get in more in the story of that, but the short version I realized that we have emotions for a reason and that when I'm able to feel all my emotions, I can grow significantly as a person and my compassion and my ability to sit with somebody else increases because I'm okay with myself. Before, if someone was going into like the uncomfortable part of me, I'd make you laugh, right? And guys do this all the time. Right? Correct a joke, change the subject, right? Yeah, because I don't really want to go there with you, because I don't really want to know how you're doing it's true.
Speaker 2:I laugh because it's true. Yeah, you know, and I think the women in our lives could probably attest to. You know, if they want to go deep with us, like we're really good avoiders, If we don't want to talk about it, there's a thousand things we can do to get out of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, smoke screen yeah. So it sounds like there's a story there during COVID that give you a bit of an aha moment. I'll call it. Yeah, where you said, these emotions are probably good for me to feel. Do you want to share that with us? Yeah, of course, of course.
Speaker 3:I didn't know. In my mind I'm like how long should I talk right now? Am I coming out of too hot?
Speaker 2:out of the chute right now. No, you're good. You're good, corey, and I like to listen. I don't know Everybody listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1:They don't listen to us. They want to hear from you the new voice, the new mind in the room.
Speaker 2:I think we're good at asking questions to get you to talk, so, okay, thank you. We love the conversation, okay, cool.
Speaker 3:So here's how it went down for me. I have a theory about COVID. All COVID did is it forced people to sit with themselves because it's really easy living my life in a rhythm, because I know I like you know. The joke that I used to have is I'd get up and from the time I brushed my teeth until the time I had lunch, I wasn't making a lot of decisions because I was just kind of on autopilot.
Speaker 3:Right, Don't get showered, get dressed, eat a quick breakfast, drive to work, drop my kids off, get on my way to work, answer some emails, right, make a couple phone calls, make sure my plans go for the day, and then it's like lunch. I'm like, oh, what do I want to eat today? And so COVID was a pattern, interrupt so all this and I was taken away from all the things in my life that create identity, that keep me comfortable, and I actually got to sit with myself. A lot of people did, and we saw this I mean, corey, I'm sure you saw this within your company right, people were working from home and they had some time to sit. And you know and, by the way, I didn't mean to single like your company out, but in general, right, like, yeah, a lot of people, divorce rate went up during that period of time. Right, a lot of people changed jobs. A lot of people, you know, spent time with their family. A lot of people pursued their passions. A lot of people felt depression. A lot of people like, fill in the blank, but we had a space where I didn't have to go into my matrix every day and I had to sit with it. So I, I, I too, did that. Right, and for me, the first part of COVID was I needed to be the guy running a real estate team at that time, and so I had to be the guy. So it didn't really matter how I felt, I just needed to keep showing up. And you know, during that period of time, how are we going to show houses, how are we going to sell houses? What does this look like? And you know, there was probably a two month period where the real estate market kind of slowed significantly. You're kind of like, how are we going to do this? And then everybody knows how that went. After that, right, crazy For me, what happened is I hit this place where I had, I had ideas in my head and things that I wanted to pursue that I pushed off for years and with good excuses, right, good, intense, but not really any action towards it.
Speaker 3:And so I kind of had one day where everything kind of just came to a head. I didn't feel like me it's probably the closest that I would define that I felt to depression. I don't know fully what depression feels like, but I imagine what I felt felt like that I didn't want to talk to anybody. I got up that morning, I started to get ready. I ended up just going back to bed until 11 o'clock, which I'm like a 5am kind of guy and, as the story goes, I'm laying there in my bed and I'm just like I don't want to do anything today. I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't, I don't want to, I just want to be today and I get a phone call from a friend and I've known this person for probably 15 years at this point and her name is Michelle. She's like a life coach kind of person and she was calling just to check in on me, like say hello.
Speaker 3:And when the call comes in, I look at my call and I'm like I don't, I don't really want to talk right now. And I go to like ignore the call and somehow it picks up and I find myself in a conversation with her and she asks how you've been doing, to which I'm like I'm going to smoke screen this, I'm going to shut this down fast. Doing fine man COVID sucks, just trying to get through things right, just surface facade. But I actually told her the truth and I was like, honestly, I'm like I'm going to funk right now and she's like what's wrong? And then I just went off and I was telling her all the things that I had no control over that were bucking me. You know, it's talking about the monetary system, I was talking about COVID, I was talking about mandates, I was talking about all these things that in my mind, were just things that bugged me, that I had no control over.
Speaker 3:And then she says to me, she says, man, that must be really difficult. And I was like, yeah, yeah, it's difficult. And then she's like so what are you going to do about it? And that was like that was like the gasoline soaking on the fire. I was like I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it. Nothing, there's nothing I can do about it. And then I just ramped it up, probably for another five minutes. Probably sounded like a madman, you know. And then she just sat there and she said that must be really a difficult place to be. And then I said, yeah, it is. And she said so what do you want to do about it? Like in a different tone, kind of changing the question a little bit, I sat there and then that's where the real stuff hit.
Speaker 3:And when I talk about, when we stuff like it's going to come out at some point, that's when it came out for me and before I know it I'm crying, talking to her and I'm telling her about how I feel like I'm dying inside. And for years I talked about how I wanted to do this men's retreat and I hadn't done a thing and I'd started and stopped, and started and started and stopped. And I just felt like I said this is something I'm supposed to do and I've known it for a long time and I just haven't done it and I feel like I'm dying inside. So I told her and she said well, what are you going to do? And I said I don't know. I mean, I got the time to finally do something like this. But I said I have no idea where to start.
Speaker 3:And she said well, I've done a couple of these types of things. And she said all you need is a date and you need to figure out roughly how much it's going to cost, and we can figure everything out. After that I was like, okay, and she goes tell you what. I want you to make a list of people that you think would want to come to something that you've been you want to create. You don't need to know all the details, you just need to know the date. We can figure everything else out. So I want you to write a list of five to ten people. I want you to call them and I want you to see who wants to go.
Speaker 3:And you need to figure out how much this thing is going to cost. So, like you know, to rent a facility, it's probably going to be this much and you're going to have to bring in food, you're going to have to do this stuff. So I figured out a cost of what it would be. And then she says here's the deal I'll help you get started, but if you want me to go through the whole process with you, you need to write me a check for $5,000 because I want you to show up. And then she said I'll be on a phone call with you every Thursday and I'll make sure this happens. I won't let you sell, because I told her I self sabotage. So I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to get like 80% done and I'll freaking burn it down, right. And she said no, I'll make sure you do it, but I need you vested in it and, like you know, let's do that.
Speaker 3:So the next day wrote her a check and I called my list, called my really good buddy up first and I started telling him about it and I am fumbling through it. Hey, his name is Blake. I'm like, hey, blake, I'm thinking about doing this thing that I kind of told you about a couple years ago, and it's going to be in September and like this is June, okay, and I'm like it's going to be cool and I really like you to come and it's going to be $1,000. But if you can't do that, that's okay, I just want you to come. And then, magically, what do I hear? Venmo, ding, ding. Hey, cleared my schedule. I'll be there. I'm really looking forward to it. So I call it Michelle and I go. Somebody said yes, and they actually sent money to me and she goes good, now you won't quit. And that was it. That was the start.
Speaker 1:So now this is what you do. You do these all the time. Now I'm understanding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, corey. So my life's in like three containers. That's the simple version. Obviously, relationships are what guide my life, first and foremost my family, right? That's the most important pillar in my life. I sell real estate. I sell residential real estate. Done that for almost 18 years. That's what kind of pays the bills. I feel like I'm good at it and I enjoy doing it.
Speaker 3:Evolution project is meaningful work in my life. It's something I super enjoy and I do believe as time goes on, it will continue to grow. Right now, I mean, it's something I do a handful of times throughout the year. We do some events throughout the year and invite people to it, and you know there's definitely another conversation to have around that as it continues to grow.
Speaker 3:I've been trying to let it like organically manifest in my life because there's a tendency that I want to turn everything into a business and what I found is every time I started to really kind of like dig into it that way, it felt a little weird and I think part of it was I just needed to get more reps. You know, if you came to the first one and you came to the last one, like you can tell they're in the same category, but the level that they're being done at now is a way higher level than when I start, like anything in life. Sure, sure you know I love it, though I mean it's. It's definitely like a calling in life. For sure, I mean it's something that's I feel very much on purpose when I'm in that space.
Speaker 1:So what's the point of these? Like, why did you?
Speaker 2:sorry I'm going crazy with my questions over here, but you're good, I've been to an evolution project, so you know I can speak to it a little bit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I would love to you know, have your insight on it. So what was the?
Speaker 1:why and starting that and you know why. Why do you do these groups and what's the benefit to getting together?
Speaker 3:First and foremost, I created the container that I wanted. They say, scratch the itch that you have, and you know it's usually going to lead you down a path. These groups aren't very big eight to 12 men in a group and I got about three people. That helped me facilitate it. The purpose, corey, is, I believe, that we're always on to ourselves. I believe that people know what they need to do If they slow down a little bit and they disconnect and they reconnect with self and with source. You know, I think it's very healthy to have a place where you can do that and come back into your life. And you know, as you lead people and your family and your children, there's a responsibility for you to be your best self. And oftentimes the leader is the one that is the most neglected, right, because they're trying to hold the space for everybody and it's kind of backwards when you think about it. And so for me, the Evolution Project became a way to self discover for myself through facilitating experiences with other men in nature where we can disconnect from the world to reconnect with ourselves. One of the things that we go over in the experience is the hero's journey we talk about that. It's a really good framework to utilize to help people. I believe that the way my brain works, at least, is if I can understand something contextually in like a container. It helps me make sense of myself Because, left to my own demise, my own devices, like, I can take myself to the woodshed if I want to right, and I can get really stuck in my patterns, right, and when I have a context that I can look at something from, it gives me a way to look at it and see myself in it. So, for example, like the hero's journey, it's like the oldest framework in storytelling that we know of. You have a hero. He lives in an ordinary world. Right, there's a call to adventure. He ignores the call. He denies the call, right, because he wants to stay in his old life. Something happens, he answers the call and says, okay, dude, something's got to change. Right, we always use the framework of, like Star Wars, right, lord of the Rings, lord of the Rings. But you could really use almost any Disney story. It's true, it's the framework they use for Pixar.
Speaker 3:And you know, you cross a threshold Shortly after. Here comes the mentor. You have allies, you have villains, you have battles, you have challenges. It leads to the inner cave and in the inner cave, the hero is always revealed to himself. The dragon is down there guarding the treasure. There's a death along the way, usually an ego death.
Speaker 3:I'm not the person that I used to be anymore. I've changed. I see myself differently. I get back on the path. I'm immediately tested again. Did I really change? Did I really rebirth? I overcome the challenge. Usually, the challenge is an internal challenge and an external challenge. That's happening with the hero, right? So Luke Skywalker his external challenges is dude. If I don't figure this out, the galaxy is gone. Internal challenge Darth Vader is my father.
Speaker 3:Am I that guy? Do I have the darkness in me? Which the answer is yes, we all have the darkness in us. That's the very thing that makes us human in recognizing it. It's incredibly powerful Because all your gifts are in the shadows. But it's scary as hell to go into the shadows Because we don't want to know what we already know, right, and then we choose to. Ultimately, I believe it's a mixture of like, embrace and overcome. The more energy that I push something away with, the more energy I'm actually giving it right. So this is with my feelings.
Speaker 3:When I talked to the beginning right. I said I want to feel good. I got my parameters of what good means and anything outside of those parameters. Get me out of it as fast as possible. Pattern, interrupt me, make it funny, change the subject, stuff the emotion. But there was so much more for me to experience outside of that and that was the gift, right. And then the hero comes back to where he left, but he's not the same guy that he used to be. He's a different person and even though he's entered the ordinary world again, he's not the same person that he used to be. And then what happens? Another hero's journey. And this is the story, this is the human story, and what's cool is is like I love to share that framework with men.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 3:Because when you realize, like you are your own evolution project, you are the hero of your journey, you know those things that you really hate. I bet there's something in there, that person that you're judging so hard, I bet you're a little bit like them, right? Because everything's just mirroring back in and it changes the game, because your consciousness will rise and you'll be sitting in spaces and you will feel the triggers hit right. Judgment is my trigger for sure. Why do I judge? Because there's a lot of reasons why I judge, of course, but it's self-protection of my own ego is ultimately what I'm doing, right?
Speaker 3:So what's the opposite of judgment? Curiosity. So like what if I sat next to the person that's triggering me? Let's figure out what's going on with that. Introspectively, look at my life Now. It doesn't mean I'm gonna be friends with everybody, but there's a lesson in all this stuff and, once again, hero's journey is a framework for me to have my conversation with life. Yeah, and when you understand it, like, I remember sitting and talking with you on the bridge over the water you had probably a 25, 30 minute conversation.
Speaker 2:I'm glad it seemed like only 25 or 30 minutes to you. It was probably like an hour.
Speaker 3:It was beautiful, though, dude, like that's what's cool, I got a window into you that made me go. Dude, not only do I respect that guy, I love that guy, and not like I had judgment on you okay.
Speaker 3:But my love and compassion and desire to lift you up to like live your hero's journey and encourage you. I wanna be like the charismatic dude that's saying, like, go for it, because the world's gonna be a better place. When you sing your song, when you write your book, when you do your thing, when you show up as a husband, when you show up as a father, that's the juice. So I just gave you a really long answer, corey, but like it's soul work, it's real soul work.
Speaker 1:I like it. Yeah, I haven't heard it put that way, but to kind of restate it, the hero's journey is a cool way of thinking about it because it gets you out of your own head right. Like you look at your life from outside, like that a lot. But I think all of us, myself included, get on this treadmill tactical place Totally, like you said, going through the most. No, we don't have goals, not that we don't wanna improve, it's not that we don't want to progress, having continuous improvement. But you don't really do those things unless you get out of your own way for a minute, unless you get out of that treadmill life and take a break and say, okay, but am I really, yeah, tap into a higher power? Am I really doing the things I should? Am I actually progressing on who I wanna become? But I like the hero's journey of thinking through that because I think it makes it more palatable Totally.
Speaker 2:And he uses that framework during the event. I was able to go. He invited me to go in September and it was up in the mountains in Oakley. It was beautiful, it was like crisp fall days, but it's like all day Friday, half day Saturday, and we talked about this earlier. It feels like it's intense work, like you're not sitting there just shooting the breeze very much. Brian has it scheduled all day, yeah, and you sleep very good at night. The activities during the day are formulated around this hero's journey and it's neat because while he's teaching it and facilitating this conversation, you're having the conversation in your own head, but you're also doing something and I learned that way. Yeah, it's kind of like the gentleman project. You learn it when you write it down. Then you move on to the next thing. You know, like when we're talking about leaving home and going across the void, like the point of no return, you know we're walking across the bridge, like I remember that in my head. Yeah, Well, do you remember? I?
Speaker 3:said when you walk across the bridge, like everything's super intentional, it's like, hey, what's the thing, what's the call that you need to answer right now. And I say don't walk across the bridge until you've identified it. And what I love is sometimes a man will be sitting at the bridge for five minutes and I watch them, I watch them toil. I know they are having a full dialogue in their head and this is what's so cool Every framework. So, just so you know, here's the magic. There's five frameworks that we go through. Every framework has a topic, a group discussion, a physical activity because I believe we learn in movement, right. And then we call it an upload, where there's a period of time Everyone gets a really cool journal. They're really nice and there's an upload where you get to write what that means to you, because I believe that we're always on to ourselves. I believe that's a very true principle and if we can create a space that's safe enough to fully feel and step into it, like, watch what happens and I'm telling you there's some amazing things that happen in that exercise, because I truly believe that you just meet people where they're at.
Speaker 3:My job at the Evolution Project is to gather the group to make it safe and to flow through structure. So, not be rigid, right, be like water. I'm flowing through structure because we do have an intention of what we wanna cover, but I don't ever want to cut it short. There's flex time in between, because there's moments where it's like we actually need to dig into this a little bit more and we actually need to sit with this a little bit more. There is an art and a science to everything, right? So the art is the beauty. Right, that's the creative, that's the flow, that's the state.
Speaker 3:When you can be in an art with something, right, you can just be moving with it, dancing with it. Science right, that's mathematical. Right, that's structure, and you need both. And like that to me is is the magic? It's. How do you have? What is the art and science of connection in men's work? What is the art and science of that? Now, I have some theory on that, but I'm telling you God blessed men with lion hearts. That's what he did. We are protectors, we are providers, we take the hill, we'll do anything for our family In lieu of being connected to my lion heart, we get weak, we fall into addiction, right, we lose that conversation with life, and then you're just a pawn To get knocked off.
Speaker 1:How? How old did? How do you think you need to be to understand the concepts you're talking about? I guess my follow-up question is you? Talked to your boys about this and you've got boys now who are Either in adulthood or approaching it. Hmm, are you talking to them about these things, is it not? Not?
Speaker 3:early to this depth dude, like yeah, yeah, it's, it's, it's the, it's a, it's a little bit more Watered-down version. I want my boys to understand that the most important thing that they can do in their formative years Is know that, build a relationship with God. Number one number two I love them unconditionally Doesn't mean I always agree with them, but I love them unconditionally. That's never gonna change and I want them to know that they can. They've been given gifts and talents and I want them to. I will do anything for them to learn their gifts and talents with God. God's gonna teach him.
Speaker 3:You know, my son went on a mission. That was kind of my conversation with God. I said, hey, I Got him there. Now you get to have a really interesting conversation with my son over the next two years and the conversation I with Camden is, as I said, I'm here for you. I'm on the other side of the world, I'm 15 hours away, 15 hours time zones away from you, and Anything I can do, I will be there for you. But you got to connect the source and You're gonna have a really great experience and you're gonna get to learn something about yourself, because my, my theory is, if somebody understands those things, they can navigate the storms Doesn't make it any easier. We can weather way more than we think we can when we have a framework. I, I like. I call it God. You know, some people call it higher source or whatever they want to call it, but I don't care what you call it. Anybody that gets into that conversation quickly realizes that the world, the universe, is bigger than them.
Speaker 1:You know, I agree with that. Those are great, those three yeah higher power.
Speaker 3:I love him on conditional love.
Speaker 1:And hey, figure out what your superpowers are.
Speaker 3:God's giving you gifts and talents, and my job is to leave you know, yeah, my job is.
Speaker 3:To whatever you what great advice I got from a friend that was helped me raise good, good father thing I say find out whatever your kids are interested in and get really interested in. What is cam like? Cam likes swimming, cam likes food, cam likes travel. He is, he is a curious Love's culture. He he actually adapted to Singapore and Malaysia incredibly quickly Because that was in his ethos, you know, and that was intrinsically who he is.
Speaker 3:Rostin. What is hot? Rostin's kinetic. He wants to touch his hands, he wants to watch the video and then go do it. He's the guy that's figuring out how to change the brake pads on the car with a YouTube video and Then having his buddy's dad come over and say is it okay? But I'm his biggest fan. Who's chairing them on? Dude, this is freaking awesome. How can I help, right, colin?
Speaker 3:Colin loves basketball, so anytime somebody invites me to a jazz game, if there's an extra ticket, okay, I bring my son. Most of the time, if there is, they don't care, you know? And Colin, I'm telling you, dude, one of the things unique about Colin is is he was born deaf, but we didn't catch it because long story, but he has cochlear implants. So he was basically deaf for the first three years of his life. So why, god? Well, he didn't have the ability to communicate verbally very well and he missed hearing a lot of things. God gave that kid a million dollar smile that can melt anything and, and he is just, he's just got a presence about him that, like, eases the room. Everybody loves Colin, you know, and that's what I'm saying like, these are the gifts, these are the gifts, and my job is to help my children embrace these gifts. Be like dude. God made you this way, man, you're gonna change the world.
Speaker 1:That's a good way to think of it. I have another question for you. Yeah, brother, so oh, you had this caboose. Your youngest is what? It's your youngest name? Your four-year-old?
Speaker 3:Anders, anders. So I wanted to name him Sven, but my wife wouldn't let me do it. What a great name, sven. I'm trying to get my sister to name her kids. Then she won't do it. No one will do it. So if somebody on the podcast Listen to this podcast and names their kids Sven, please leave it in the comments, because Come to the evolution project.
Speaker 2:I don't know, free, free ride for, yeah, yeah if you name your kids some dude needs Sven's gonna get your wife pregnant and name your child Sven and you can come to the evolution project funny.
Speaker 1:The question is yeah, what are you doing different? You had time Between your oh, great question and your last one, yeah, and you had time to think in my mind like Okay, I'm a different, you were a different. You went through a couple hero stories probably yeah, time frame right yeah can you Tell us, are there some things that stick out with you to say yeah, I'm doing a couple things different. Yeah, you know, maybe they weren't even wrong the first time. I'm just a different person, so I'm doing it different this time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, stage in life. So when we had our first children, I was essentially let's see if I can get it right. 2426 and 28 Remember that time of your life, guys, totally different. Buckle up Because, oh and PS, I'm selling real estate. Oh yeah, during the real estate crash, two of my three children were born. Two of my four children were born. Thank you, anders.
Speaker 2:Sorry.
Speaker 3:I forget that I have fourth. That's why I'll talk like that. But oh seven, oh nine. So you know that stage in my life it was. It left marks for sure Emotionally inside of me. Inside of me because it's hard, it's just straight up hard guys. It also formed me. I Learned a lot about myself, but I wasn't a bad father. But there were absolutely days where I left the house well before they got up and I came home. Well, after they got home, they went to bed and you know I Would try to coach their soccer team or do those things. And this again, I don't think I was like a bad father, but I was very much in a survival state during that period of time.
Speaker 3:You know, fast forward to have Anders basically in 2019, completely different stage of life. Anders is getting a different experience In the sense that this child is full of. If I had him in here today, you can feel his spirit. I don't know how to describe it, but he, he just has like a joyful, loving, curious Like this morning he was talking to me about like he's into sharks right now. And so what does he do? He's got these like little magnet sharks and there was like a it's a called. It's like a ghost shark, I can't remember the name, but it's supposed to. When it bites it's like the fastest shark bite and he's watching me a YouTube video and he's telling me about this shark as he watches the video and I. It's that presence that I can bring. We're reading Charlotte's web right now before he goes to bed every night. And my first child I read books with. Second child, a little bit more tired third child I'm like I'm just trying to make a house payment right now. Right, and so Anders has had a very different experience and I will tell you he has been one of my greatest teachers. Yeah, I feel like God Kind of said to me like I know you don't have this planned, but I got something planned for you that, if you really lean into this, it's going to change your life, and Truly.
Speaker 3:I remember I was in a Goldman Sachs 10,000 small business class cohort and I'm driving home from the class and my wife goes can you stop by and pick up a pregnancy test? And my first thought is is like, well, she's not pregnant. So I'm like who's pregnant? Is there? Like a youth in the neighborhood that wants a pregnancy test or something like that Like, why would she ask me to get a pregnancy test? So I come home and I'm like here Because, by the way, after our third child we took a break. But after a couple of years we're like, let's try to have one more kid. Nothing For like four or five years. And I just remember thinking, dude, maybe the factory is like shut down, like maybe it doesn't matter, you know. And so the thought of being pregnant, like was such a foreign idea to me. And when she was pregnant I remember I googled like what's the air frequency on this thing?
Speaker 3:What does it really look like? Is this really the right thing? And it's spun us because we were already going to the next stage hey, our kids, by the time we're like in our mid 40s, they're going to be out. Where are we going to be? What are we going to do? And it was just like the not so fast, dude, I'm going to give you the greatest gift of your life that you did not know was coming. And it shook us. And I say that in the right term. I don't ever want to come off children's, children's blessings from God and I don't want to come off that like that. But I'll just tell you it was, it was. It was a very big surprise to both of us and one of the best things in my life for both of us. So it's good I'm bringing them into the podcast room next time, great Bring them in.
Speaker 2:Got a meeting, so if people want to know more about the evolution project can they go to the website.
Speaker 3:Yeah, website, my evolution projectcom. That's the website, okay, and you can reach out and contact Brian through the website, through the website, or you can call me 801-574. I don't know, is that okay to leave my name? If you want it out there, I don't care, I'm a real estate agent, so it's like it's already out there. It's already out there, 801-574-5698. Next evolution project the third Friday of April and May this year. Cory, I'd love for you to come if there's an opportunity for you to do that. I realize you're probably really busy, man.
Speaker 3:Oh look, that's when we have the next ones coming up. Start 8am Friday morning. Camp Oakley, camus, utah, right up Weaver Canyon. You know it's beautiful, the tier below heaven you know, yeah, it's gorgeous up there when I'm in that space. Man, you're really good at it, by the way.
Speaker 2:Thank you, you're really good at it, like the facilitation of the event, like we're doing like some breath work and stuff on the last day and you're like taking us through a guided meditation and I'm like what's he reading? Yeah, dude, that's flow and it's he's just gets in this flow state and he's just really good at it. You're great at it, thank you. So anything else that that you wanted to say, do you want to say anything to your kids on the podcast? Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:So, wolfpack, I'm really honored to be your father, that's, that's true. I'm grateful for my wife. She stuck with me, she, she gives me a lot of space to do things like this. She has never once sweated me on doing the evolution project, ever. She's never once said, oh, you're going away this weekend. She's like I'm glad you're doing this, I know it's important to you, which is awesome.
Speaker 2:That's great.
Speaker 3:You know, it's really really cool.
Speaker 1:So yeah, Well you want to ask the question, corey. Last question in the podcast. Yeah, is traditional, that is. What does it mean to you to be a gentleman?
Speaker 3:Hmm, you know how I love myself is how I can show up and love other people, and I truly believe that being a gentleman is being kind. Being a gentleman is being compassionate. I think of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ had a bandwidth of emotions he could deal with. Right Flipped tables of the temple to forgives a woman at the well right that's like. To me, that's the ultimate gentleman. The ability to love myself translates directly into the ability that I can love other people and it doesn't sound very manly and I will also tell you, it's the most manly thing you can possibly do.
Speaker 2:A gentleman loves himself.
Speaker 3:That's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like it Never been said before, never been answered that way on the podcast. In three and a half years you have a unique answer.
Speaker 1:Thank you, it's kind of like I like it. It's kind of like a private victory before public victory 100%.
Speaker 2:It's the same kind of a thing right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can't really show great compassion and love and empathy if you're a mess Totally. You got to figure yourself out first, right? I like that answer. Thank you for being with us. Yeah, Very insightful, different podcasts which we love.
Speaker 3:My hope is. My hope is is like like, really I just want to create impact in life. Hope is I'd like you know I'm going to show this podcast with my friends. Clearly I'd love to have some new faces out to the Evolution Project. It's like seriously my favorite thing to do. Yeah, that's great yeah.
Speaker 1:My guess is you'll get some.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, thank you for joining us today, brian.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And thank you listeners, for joining us on the podcast. We appreciate you spending your time with us. If you enjoyed the podcast and want to share it, please do so. If you thought somebody's name during the podcast somebody maybe yourself that needs to do some work the Evolution Project or call and talk to Brian. He is a great therapist Not a therapist, I know this, I know this. But you're a great friend and I appreciate the time that you've given me that way. Thanks everybody, have a great week. I'm Kirk Chug.
Speaker 1:And I'm Cory Moore. We'll make your own hero journey Like that. That's everybody.