Kirk Chugg: 0:00

Welcome to the Gentlemen Project Podcast. I'm Kirk Chugg.

Cory Moore: 0:04

And I'm Cory Moore. We're lucky today to have the great Bill Engvall with us. Bill's a famous comedian. In this country, that's for sure. And just such a wonderful, nice human being. And so we are honored to have him on the podcast. Bill, thanks for being with us.

Bill Engvall: 0:22

Well, thank you guys. I laugh in the introduction, because my wife can tell you that I am. So not, do not consider myself a celebrity in any facet of the word. It's more like I'm just kind of an idiot that just kind of stumbled into the right car. But I, you know, I i've been I'm honored that, that there are very few places I could go in this country that somebody wouldn't know who I am. And when I started in that business in this business I had that was that was not even in the equation, you know, that he would that I could go to Ames, Iowa and sit in a restaurant and somebody will say, Hey, man, your Bill Engvall. That's just, that's, that's really weird to wrap your head around the fact that you know, that they know who you are. And I got something the other day, an email from wasn't Spotify, but it was one of those sound exchange kind of things. And they say, Congratulations, you've had 600 million downloads. I was like, What? Wow. Yeah. And my second thought was, where's all that money? But it's an honor to be on your, your podcast, I look forward to this. And hopefully, by the end of it, maybe somebody will go Wow, I didn't know that about him.

Kirk Chugg: 1:45

Yeah. And that's kind of why we wanted to have somebody like you on and, and we've talked a little bit about this, but let's touch on this a little bit. Like there's more to the guy billing vol more to the man than the bits. You're a family man, you you're somebody who wants to leave a legacy, you can tell that- I listened- I went on a road trip this last weekend, over spring break with my kids, we drove all the way down to Arizona, which is where you are. And we visited the Grand Canyon, and we listened to listen to Bill Engvall bits on the way down. And my kids, you know, they're, they're the new generation. So they haven't necessarily heard blue collar comedy or anything like that before. But you know, it was fun to say, hey, this was somebody that I kind of grew up with in my teenagers listening to who I thought was hilarious, and dad gets to talk to him on the podcast next week. They're super excited.

Bill Engvall: 2:37

Well, that's a first off a either a, you must have been punishing your kids to listen to me all the way to Arizona from Utah. But it is, you know, it's an interesting point that you bring up that there's a generation that probably doesn't know who I am, or who what Blue Collar was, or that's one of the battles that I will say battles, but one of the things that you've fight and face is that, how do you stay relevant, and stay yourself to appeal to the younger generation? And I found that the way that I do that is that's worked for me is just to keep it real. I mean, to keep it related, we all I get young comedians all the time asked me what, what do I need to do, and I always tell them that you gotta keep it relatable. Because if people don't, that's why I don't do like political comedy, or anything that's edgy or in there, because it's pretty much it's got a shelf life. And you know, but people talk about family and mom and dad and my brother and my sister. You know, that stuff goes on for generations. I mean, think about how many times you're at a family reunion or some invariably, it ends up talking about the old story you don't like you remember when you were little, and you did this. So it, it doesn't, it doesn't have a shelf life, it can go on forever. But the problem you face or at least that I'm facing is that I am older and television and movies and all that they want the young, you know, they want the youngsters and so you know, my television career now is going to be pretty much relegated to being the granddad or, or something like that, which is fine. But you know, it's like it's kind of a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

Cory Moore: 4:20

Well, the first-- The reason that I wanted to have you on the podcast is quite frankly, I was so impressed by your son. I had this interaction with Bill's son that I didn't know it was built on we were at a resort in Utah. And Bill son was working at the resort my wife had car issues. And Bill's son, I think it's Travis isn't

Bill Engvall: 4:42

As my dad said, told me a long time ago, he Yeah, yep. He helped my wife for about an hour with the most kind of customer service focused attitude and it she would have been a mess without him. And lo and behold, later that day or the next day I see him with Bil. And I'm just like, wait, wai, wait. That's, that's Bi l Engvall's son. And I had to ell bill how amazing it was. So you did something right there. I my opin said, he just, you throw it against the wall, and you hope it sticks. Family has always been the first thing in my life. One of the things Gail and I decided early on was we were going to really try our best to separate Career From Home life, often too often. They they, cross and you lose sight of what's really important. I always said that all I wanted for my kids was to be good people. Don't be a leech on society. And it's like, what Travis, you know, this sounds cliche, but one of the first things I taught him was, you shake someone's hand, you look them in the eye, that goes a long way. I think people sometimes think that's just an old, you know, old people an older, but I'm gonna tell you, my proof is if a kid does it to you, you find yourself going, Oh, hey, I, and you will, and you want to interact with that person. And so I got to give credit where credit is due here. Gail, was just as in still continues to be just the rock of this family. You know, I've traveled and early on in my career, I'd be gone six, eight weeks in a row. And she was there to raise the kids. And we kind of laugh about it now. But it used to be that when I would come in from the road, it was party time because daddy was home. But there were things that I had to get called on the car before like, we we don't do that here. You know? So

Kirk Chugg: 6:41

It was you getting that lesson?

Cory Moore: 6:42

Yeah. And so but you know, we did a really good job with that, I think, you know, we wouldn't always limos and private jets. And, you know, when we would go up to Park City, when we lived in LA, we'd fly southwest and we did that for a number of years. And it just financially didn't make sense to haul a family up in a private jet to go skiing, which a lot of people do. But I also think it creates an environment in your kids minds that that's what's normal. And as I used to tell my kids all time I go this, this is all going to end like in my business and show but I knew that there was a day common that there would be that, you know, not that people didn't like me, but they just move on they there's somebody new or younger, and you got to be a look in the mirror and say I'm okay with this. I used to tell people that we have a ranch in Texas. And it's my go getaway place. And in the little town, we're outside of where the ranch is there's a feed store. And one day a buddy of mine and I were talking and he said Woody, how do you want to? How do you want to be remembered in your career? And I said, I want to be remembered as that guy who was playing checkers on the front porch in the feed store. And somebody walks up and goes, Hey, weren't you and I can go? Yeah, yeah, I was, you know, but I'm, but I didn't I don't have to, you know, be somebody else. And I think that that's one I think, actually one of my biggest issues right now, with younger parents is that there's too much concern on being your kids best friend. Instead of being their parent and and when people say where they go, what do you mean by that? Go? Just know that as a parent, there's gonna come a time when you're going to have to lower the hammer. And if, you know, I might say to you got to be, you know, the strictest parent in the world, but like, now my kids are grown. They're old, they got their own family, so I get to be their best friend. Now, if they want my advice, great. If they don't, that's fine, too. They'll make it on their own. But when they're little that I saw a lot when my kids were on junior high and elementary school stuff, that these parents were more concerned that their kids thought they were hip and that my dad, my mom and dad, let me drink at the house. You know, it's like, That all sounds great. But it's going to come back to bite you. And I think and and I bring this all back around to your experience with Travis Cory. You know, Travis was? It's kind of a funny story because our daughter Emily was born a 34 year adult. She just was one of those people. You never had to say did you do your homework? Did you turn it in? You know, as she grew up around adults, because I was in the club circuit and a lot of times I'd have to take her and Gail with me. And so she grew up around adults. Well, Travis came along. And Travis was just a normal boy, but we were just like, what the hell is going on? This kid is out of control. I remember Gail and I host this charity event in Austin called The Lone Star paralysis Foundation, which raises funds for spinal cord injuries, research and Travis was probably 16 1516 and I'll be honest with you, I was worried Cuz he just wouldn't gettin' it. You know, as far as life goes, and I was talking to one of the brain surgeons there and neurologist and I was joking, I go, Yeah, I don't know what's going on with my son, but I can't get him to focus and get with it. And he goes, he goes, don't worry. He said that. And I thought this was fascinating. He said that the synapses in a boy's brain don't connect as quick as a girl's brain does, which is why you historically see women do better in college. In that sort of, because they, they, they figured it out the synapses connected, they would Oh, okay. And this doctor said, Don't worry, get when he's about 20 to 23, you're gonna see it, and it was like a light switch. One day when he was about 24 years old, we were talking also I went, wait, we're talking about a subject that he shouldn't know about. And he finally got it. And, but Travis has always been that great kid that he, he's just so personable, and, and he really wants to help people out. And boy, that's all you can ask from your kids, you know, you just, you know, and my daughter's the same way, you know, they go out of their way to help other kids. And, and like I said, I give credit to Gail for that.

Kirk Chugg: 11:06

So Bill in a lot of your comedy, you reference your family. In a lot of the a lot of the standup that you've done that I've listened to you talk about how unique your family is, and the traditions and some of the uniqueness about your family. A lot of the things that you talk about, there were things that that are funny during the bit, but it sounds like you learned a lot from your family. Can you go into some of the things that you learn from people like your parents and

Unknown: 11:34

Yeah, my dad, and my I'll go back further. My your grandparents? granddad was my hero. He always made time, like when we would go visit him that we just couldn't wait to get there because he got us involved. And I think I'm going to take a quick I think, God that I grew up without video games, because I have that personality that I'd have been addicted to them. But when we go visit my granddad, it was we were out in the garden digging his potatoes or planting or you take us fishing or down to the park to go swimming in the river. And he wasn't that granddad, they just kind of sat around and waited for you to ask him to do so he had stuff planned and grandmother was a way. And my dad was very much the same way in the sense that that always got us involved and stuff, even though we would we gripe and moan about it. You know, we went on family camping trips, we, we were always doing stuff around the house, I tell you one of the goods, something that my dad used to do. And at the time, we hated it. But looking back on it now I thought it was a brilliant idea. I was probably fifth grade. And my sisters were all younger than me. But every week we had to write a story of like a one page story about anything that we wanted. And then Sunday night, we had to get up and read it in front of the family. And at the time, I couldn't fair why we were doing this. But then I realized that he was a teaching us in a way that wasn't in a classroom. And that be it was family time it was that was when everything was shut off the TV, nothing was on. And you had to be a part of the family. And I do think that the family unit has taken a real hit lately. For a number of reasons. One, you know, parents just both parents are having to work now. You know, my mom was there when we got home from school. She was there when we went to school. And it was a real bonding time for the family and dad was always very funny anyway. And I got I credit my humor from him. Even though it would I remember one night we were sitting there talking and the Oh, here's a guy who was was a general practitioner for some 40 years and then just decided to go back to college and get become an anesthesiologist, you know, it's like and did it like in a year. It was a small town and everybody knew everybody. And so you know, we had the spotlight on us early because dad was one of two doctors in the town. So everybody knew us. And you couldn't get away with anything. But But dad really well, he was really fun to be around. And and

Cory Moore: 14:15

Well, you said, you know, your dad, put your family he was also you know, you had to follow the rules. And if you didn't use if you stepped out of line you were gonna you know, all my dad's never hit us and I never we never none of us got spanked once because he didn't have to. He could get that look that went you can keep doing this and die or you can stop and live. And, you know, and so and and then and I never had to spank my kids either. I just because I think they're you don't have to like when we'd be sitting in church. And you know, if you remember as a kid, there was nothing funnier than in church because you weren't supposed to laugh. And my dad would sit with his arms resting on the back of the pew. So to the other people it looked like He was hugging the whole family. But in reality that was an aiming device. Because if if all it took for was for one of your sister mom and my sister to do something is say something and we were met, and then you'd get the, his thing was company on the head like, and I don't know how he did it without everybody else in the church seeing it, but we always got it. He was good at it. We used to call it a brain Thumper. And it was, he didn't want it. family first. And you have done that. Also, that's not always easy. No, so easy to put your family first, especially when you have a budding career. And there's 1000 things your kids have going on. And so talk to us about how did your dad do that? And how have you done that? What things have worked with things maybe haven't worked? Um, that's a great question. You know dad was a This was back when doctors still made house calls. And so you know, the phone might ring at six o'clock and evening may ring at 330 in the morning. And he'd have to go out. So one of the things that he always did was, he tried his best to at least for at least when he would come home from work for at least the an hour, that we would just kind of hang out and kick the football on the front yard or, or whatever. And, but then as I got older, I remember that this is kind of a sad thought. But it's, I remember, when I officiated my father's funeral that I was, I brought up a story that I remember dad would say, hey, let's go outside and throw the football. And I was always like, Oh, I'm gonna go hang out with my friends. Or, you know, we're gonna go ride bikes or whatever. And I wish I could throw the football with him again. You know, it's like, I think, but that's the you know, the that's the kids, you know, from a kid's perspective. But dad always said now, for me And Gail used because I used to get really depressed about this, because I was gone. I miss Travis and Emily walking and talking for the first time, I missed a lot, that really can throw you into a major depression, when you realize that you're kind of the the show up every once in a while dad. But Gail, to her credit, used to tell me she goes, yes, you're gone. But when you're home, you're home. 24-7. So she goes, you probably get to see your kids as much if not more than someone who works, nine to five, but they have to leave at seven to get to work at time, and they don't get home till the kids are in bed. So she said, you know, you can't beat yourself up about this because, and it was funny because I ate later on in life, I apologize to both my kids. I said, I'm really sorry that I wasn't there. And each one of them said, Hey, it was your job. You know, so I think kids are a little more resilient. And then we give them credit, and they're a little smarter. But I think it's important to be present to just be be now would be the use of money. Oh, Cory, I see you as your kids at the club all the time. And I and I mentioned it to Gail that how I really am most impressed being before I knew who you were, that you make that you make the time to engage them and to talk with them. It's not like you're off with your buddies, and they're all at the table waiting for you to come back. A lot of dads can just sit in the same room with their families, they're not interacting with them at all. What I mean by being present with them is to be engaged in what they're listening to what they're saying and ask them questions. And as Gail always said, She goes, by the way, she goes if you ever want to know what your kids are up to just drive carpool, because somehow kids think that your deaf when you're driving the car, and you will hear everything that's going on in their lives. Because if you just ask them they won't tell you .

Bill Engvall: 18:50

I had a real spiritual moment in my life. That that changed me what I think for the better. And my relation with my kids now is unbelievable. You know, they we call each other we talk to each other so much more than we ever did. Because I think we all kind of think that maybe I don't know why we think this because no one's ever promised us this but we're not here for very long. And especially if you've got kids and your listeners out there who are family men and women. Ai when I first we were first pregnant with Emily airways a better better it goes by fast. I'm like Shut up. But it does-you guys know is like they're born and you turn around and they're they're back in the car out of the driveway. You know, and then there's---and for a dad, it's hard because especially with a girl that someone's going to take your place. They don't stop loving you. They don't forget you but there's another guy there now and that's really hard. That was my daughter's wedding that was only thought I kept thinking was like I'm not the first guy in her life anymore. And And that's good, though, that's a good thing. Because it, they need the change was that time? And But yeah, I just think that, you know, when I get asked about family life and and what do I think about, I don't give any big, deep thought is just as far as I go just be present when you're with them Don't you know give them the time pay the attention to them because you don't have to do it for eight hours a day but you know just if your son or daughter comes in says, Hey dad, they'll ask you that may be there be be present and and and and ask them what they think. And it's amazing the what you'll see.

Cory Moore: 20:38

I'm just so afraid of my daughter's getting married. I don't want to see that day. I don't want it to come. I'm sure it'll be great. But when you're talking about that, it's like one of my worst fears for some reason. And I think it's a valid, valid fear. Because you been the hero for so long. You know, and you got used to that job. When Emily was getting married, I pulled her husband aside is he's a great guy. And I said, I don't ask a lot. I said, but there's two things you need to know there's only one wedding. And you better treat her like she deserves to be treated. And that's it. You know, it wasn't like, I'll come and find you and shoot you or whatever. I just said you just treat her the way she is. And you and I will get along just fine. And he does. And he's but it is a weird thing when all sudden you realize that this guy may be around for a while. And thank goodness we liked him because I don't know what you do for you they find out my fear was the kid would show up with the nose ring and the face tattoos and you know, his name's Flash or something, you know? Like, what do you do for work? Oh, Mow yards? Oh, God, no, no!

Kirk Chugg: 21:51

Well, it really at the core of what we're trying to do here with the podcast is, you know, talk about these moments of like when your daughter's getting married and what that's like, and the preparation that goes into the years before that moment of what are you teaching her to look for in a man when she gets married? Why is it important that he treats her a certain way? And where has she learned those habits and those things from it's more than likely been some men in her life? And you're probably number one on that list.

Unknown: 22:22

Well, I agree with you, I do think and if the Cory if this makes you feel any better. They tend to marry someone like their dad. And that's that's a very reassuring thought. Although, if you just see me in college, you probably what is that? You ain't the guy I wanted my daughter marrying!

Kirk Chugg: 22:42

Your nickname was flash!

Unknown: 22:44

Yeah, I wasn't Flash but I was not on the top of a lot of dad mom's list. I can tell you that. But yeah, they I think you're right. kirk, they do tend to they tend to find those people that were influential and thought like they do. Even though you know Emily and I have completely different opinions on politics and all that but we respect each other. And that goes so much further and we laugh about it. We we've never had any kind of discussion ended up with somebody storming out of the room is so much fun. To watch them grow on that now they have a 15--we have our granddaughter who's 15 months and it is fun to watch Emily be a mom and she does things that I don't agree. You know, there's a lot of things I do agree with but like, you know, I have to kind of do stuff on the downlow, like sneakin' Autumn, you know, animal crackers, and you know, you can have a have a sip of Papa's shake, you know?

Cory Moore: 23:48

Well, do you do you guys have any mantras or sayings as a family? Are there things that you say this is, you know, this is these are things that we do as a family or these are sayings you have the family, any of that kind of thing?

Bill Engvall: 24:01

Our mantra was, was that our family always comes first. It doesn't matter what the situation is. If it's family that takes priority over everything.

Kirk Chugg: 24:14

You spoke briefly about an experience that you thought maybe we'd go into later in the podcast, spiritual experience that changed kind of the way you were.

Bill Engvall: 24:24

Oh, yeah.

Kirk Chugg: 24:24

Do you want to do you want to go into that?

Cory Moore: 24:26

So as of Saturday, I am graduating from college that I started in 1976. Congratulations!

Unknown: 24:38

Thank you. It's been it's been a tough three years, but I finally got my cap and gown. And of course, thanks to the pandemic, I don't get a walk so they're going to virtually which sucks. But what happened was, I would say that before this moment, I was what I would call a marginal Christian. You know, I went did we took to church on Easter. Christmas like everybody. And so what happened was a couple three years ago I got called to do to do a job on Tim Allen show Last Man Standing. And I was playing his character called Reverend Paul. And I had played a lot of characters of my career, I've been fortunate and blessed to have been able to do quite a bit of work. But for whatever reason, this character really kind of sat with me, you know, I was like, I really kind of dug it, it wasn't just a put on the facemask and go deliver your lines this is. So I have a friend who is a retired Episcopalian priest. And I called him one night and I said, Hey, do you got any books on like theology, 101, or theology for dummies, or whatever it is, because I'm just starting and goes yeah. So he got me a couple books, I started reading some of these theological books, and I really found it, I dug the history of the Bible. One night, Gail and I were lying in bed, and she was sound asleep. And I was just kind of laying there in that Nether sleep, you know, you're not asleep, but you're not awake. And I swear, you guys, as clear as I'm talking to you right now, I heard a voice go, now you're doing what I want you to do. And I got up, walked around the house, because I felt like that was what I was supposed to do. But I knew what it was. And the next day, I enrolled at Grand Canyon University, to get a Bachelor's in Christian studies. And then I got ordained online as a minister, which that was the other impetus for going to school was when the certificate said, You're a minister, I thought, you know, if I'm going to do this, I want to know what I'm talking about. I don't want to just be that guy. And so I finished up Saturday and going to take a break, and then probably going to enroll in, like a non denominational seminary school. But, the point of this story is that it changed me, it changed me in a way that I didn't know needed to be changed. And it's that now I know what my purpose on this earth is. And I know how much I've been blessed by God with my family. And to be able to, just to, to do the things I love to do. And so I I've started a thing on Facebook, it's called on my Facebook page is called Sunday mornings with Bill. And basically all I do is give a 10 minute inspirational speech. Yeah, we'll talk about how do you get through this next week? What's maybe we'll read a Bible verse and say, This is what it means to me. You know, and it's been phenomenal. The response, my retired priests friend, said, he said, You know, I mean, because we get, like, 50-60,000 people that view this, and he said, you know, many pastors would love to have a congregation of that size. But you know, and I don't tell people what to think, or how I think they should think it's, this is just, you know, me saying, Hey, this is how I look at it. And I have found that my view on life is been completely changed it. I don't really worry about stuff as much as I used to, because there's, I can't control what's happened, I can't control what's gonna happen, all I can happen is be right here. And now. And that's a great place to be in. And it's a it was weird. The first time one of my colleagues was telling me because every year me and three of my college buddies go down the ranch for about three days and just hang out. And I was telling them my one, my old college roommate, who was a psych major, he was all into it, that I was doing this. And my other friend who's kind of an idiot, said, Oh, so you're not gonna become one of those "God" people are you and, and it was weird to hear me say, yeah, I think I am.

Cory Moore: 28:55

And, you know, listen, I my personal belief is that everybody has their own relationship with God or whoever you choose to follow. And it's not my job to change you. It's, you know, my job just to be there. If you want to talk if you need some encouraging words. And I think that that's kind of where religion has taken a hit lately, especially families going to church. You know, I always, I always felt like Gail and I handled that really well, in a sense that we gave a kid the kids a basic Christian education in the Sunday school stuff. And then as they got older, we let them make their own decision. But I think one of the reasons that you've seen a decline in families going to church is because of the pastors that pastors themselves have caused people to turn away because they they start preaching to people as if they're God, instead of just preaching to them about God. And so it's it's been some and an event in my life, that tomorrow will be very special. I can't wait to I'm going to put a video up above just me and my cap and gown and talk about you know how Yeah, My only regret is that my dad didn't live long enough to see me do it. So if you got a kid in college and you're worried about the five year plan, try the 46 year plan, you'll be very happy. Well, I'm fascinated and impressed, quite frankly, that you've done that. I didn't know that. What an amazing thing to do! Yeah, I will tell you it was it was hard, because it did to kind of give some humor to the somewhat serious subject. Basically, I graduated high school with no math at all. And so when I went back to college three years ago, of course, I might have my I started college and 1975. And my first grade point average was point seven, six. So I was not a great student. So I had to retake a lot of classes before I could get into my major classes. And one of the things I had to do was to take a math class, a college math class. Well, when you know, when you go into a college math class, they assume that you've had algebra one and two, geometry one and two trigonometry, physics. I had none of that. And so I was in this math class, and I was getting, you know, Gail helped me a lot, but I had to hire a tutor. But I, one of the humorous things that came out of the math class was I actually called my math professor one time, and I said, let me ask you a question. I go, Why does a Christian studies major need a math class? I go, the only numbers I need to know is there was 12. apostles, there's Ten commandments, and he spent three days in the grave. That's pretty much all the numbers a Christian student needs to know. And he said, Well, he said, you have a good point, he said, but you still have to take the math class.

Kirk Chugg: 31:46

I don't make the rules here!

Bill Engvall: 31:47

Yeah, I'm just just just do the math and shut up. And it's funny because you think back like, like, now, I'm graduating with a 3.97 grade point average. And I look back, and I was telling Gail is when I go, I go, I wish I had this, when I was in college, the first time it had been so much more fun to do what I did and still make good grades, he goes, You weren't ready, then. And I. And that's where I really buy into the spirituality that God knew I wasn't ready. But now I'm ready. And, and wherever it leads, I don't know. But I'll more than likely follow that. But back to the pandemic, thing I was all I wanted to do was walk across the dam, announce my name, let me walk across the stage. And then COVID went and now we're not gonna let you do that. So we're gonna have a little party here and go out to dinner tomorrow night. And the one of the messages I want to give to people who out there who may have been in my situation of, you know, you can always finish it, I've I've learned that there's nothing you can't do if you don't, if you just put your mind to it. And, you know, I had to make up three years. And it was papers and all that. But I always found the time. And I tell you that was the other thing I wish I'd have known because I took a course in time management, which I think as a parent should be required. And it goes back to what we talked about earlier that you just make the time you've got to make the I know, we seem to be as a society. so caught up, and I've got to make this much money and I've got to keep, I just got to keep and it gets you know, you got one life, there's not a reset button. So when you have those kids, you know, just takes just say I'm gonna take 30 minutes, I'm gonna take an hour a day. And it's just me and the kids. You'd be amazed how far that goes.

Cory Moore: 33:34

Now that you've, you know, you're like a preacher now. Or, or I guess

Bill Engvall: 33:40

I am. Yeah.

Cory Moore: 33:42

That's cool. And I'm now going to make sure that I look at your Sunday lessons. So you have that in your life, your grandfather, now. You've had this, how long we've been married?

Bill Engvall: 33:54

39 years

Cory Moore: 33:55

39 years marriage.

Bill Engvall: 33:59

To the same woman!

Cory Moore: 34:00

Yeah, that's right. You have some experience under your belt. So if you were to talk to the fathers and mothers that are listening to this podcast, what would you tell him? What would your advice be? If you sat down with a young man who was starting his life as a father? What would you say? What would your advice be? I think that's a great question, Cory. Um, I think the first thing I would say is remember that you're an example. Kids are aware of everything that goes on in a household they know it, whether you think they know it or not, be the person you want your kid to be. If you want your kid to grow up to be a good person, be a good person. You're their idol. They may not say it to you, but you're their idol. You're all they know, as who their hero is. And that's dad or that's mom. One of the things that Gail and I did, we always made sure we showed affection in front of the kids like holding hands or giving our kids you know, a kiss And it was okay for the kids to see us to be upset with each other. Because that's how they learn how to deal with their own issues. And we never raised our voices you don't even if Gail and I were upset with each other. When we discussed it, it was discussed in, you know, normal tones. But I think that would be the biggest advice I give them is to be the example that you want your kids to be. And also, this is huge. Listen. And don't just listen with your ears, listen with your heart, because they're going to come to you and they're going to want to know things. And a lot of people don't want to they want to avoid sensitive subjects. I always had this thought that I'd rather my kids learn it from me than learning at school. Because by the time a kid tells about it, it's it's awful.

Bill Engvall: 35:53

I think a great example is, you know, like when I was a young man, Playboy was our, the Playboy. We found my dad's secret stash of Playboy magazines. And me and my buddies would look at them. Well, fast forward to one day, I walked in my son's room, and he was on his computer. And he was trying to click it off. But he didn't realize it, the more you click it, the more it just that brings up different ad sites for this sex site or whatever it was. And I couldn't I had to I found myself at a fork in the road, I it happened very fast. And I said I need to get upset with them. Or we can sit down, this is a prime time to sit down and talk to about the relationships between men and women. And I said, Look, buddy, I go. This is completely normal. You're curious, you want to know, you're starting to get interested in girls. And I said, and that's great. I go, but what you're watching right there, that don't happen. Trust me. I go, and I don't I didn't want him to look at women in any kind of demeaning way. And I think that's what pornography does. Kids aren't stupid. Talk to them, you know, talk to them as adults, you don't got to dumb it down for him too much. Now, young kids, they don't know any difference. But, you know, one of the things that really was effective for me was when I would watch my dad, and he never avoided any subject. Sometimes I wish he had done things different. Like when I got interested in girls, and I said, you know, I'm money to talk to my dad about sex, cuz I thought he's a doctor. He's got all the ins, man, I know, he knows he, oh, I've got the ace in the hole right here. He's gonna tell me everything. And he gave me like a cartoon book to read. I'm like, wait, what they can handle it, you know, use your words, cautiously. But, you know, they don't be afraid to shy away from because then I think what happens is that creates an environment of they don't want to talk about it. And that's when that's when things go off the rails.

Kirk Chugg: 38:03

Yeah, you've made excellent points there. And it's something that we haven't had yet on the podcast, something that I know that we all deal with, as parents in an age of smartphones and technology, you're, you're all going to have to deal with it at some point, to have a healthy conversation about it. Otherwise, it's going to come from other places. Cory and I have talked about this privately. And it's a challenge to know how to approach it, and how to react to it, and how to protect your kids from from this type of stuff. But at the same time giving them enough freedom that they can make their own choices. And because you're not always going to be there looking over their shoulder and to instill in them those values that even when nobody's looking, what's good for you and what's bad for you.

Bill Engvall: 38:53

Right!

Kirk Chugg: 38:53

I can help you understand those things. But I can't always be there telling you not to do something. Yeah. Because eventually they're going to pay their own cell phone bill, they're going to have their own internet. And they're going to have to make those choices for themselves. So have a fantastic conversation starter, we should probably do a whole episode on this. And we'll probably reference this episode.

Bill Engvall: 39:18

What I think you're right, you're right, though. It's, we're so instead of teaching our children the responsibility of sex, we're too concerned with just shutting them off. And like, as any parent will tell you, if you tell your kid Don't, don't go over there and get that cookie, buddy as soon as your backs turn that they're at that cookie jar, but if you say there's a cookie there, and it's your choice, you can have you know, and you explain it to have lay it out for him. Teach your kid about these urges, tell him that they're completely normal and but here's what you need to know could happen. There's diseases there's this and it's the same now just do drugs. I never, I never told my kids don't do drugs. You know, what I told my kids was, here's one of the choices, you may smoke, take a hit off the joint, and it does nothing for you, and you're going to go about your way. I said, but then again, you may take a joint and take a hit off a joint and be addicted for the rest of your life. I said, The problem is, you don't know until you do it. So if you avoid doing it, then you don't have to worry about making that decision. I did, I think it all goes back Kirk and Cory. To that, to what we talked about earlier, is that you've just got to be open, and you've got to be present with them. And just be honest, like I've told both my kids on separate occasions when I was wrong, and that that's another thing I would tell a parent, a new parent, don't be afraid to admit you're wrong. You know, it's, there's all these books and manuals and YouTube videos about how to be a parent, throw them away, there's no book on how to raise a kid because every kid's different, every parent's different. All you can do is do the best job that you think you can do. And what I found is 99% of the time, that's gonna be good enough.

Cory Moore: 41:08

Yeah, you know, when you were saying that it made me think that our role as parents is to, is to guide our kids to where what I would call true happiness comes from right, there's fleeting happiness, there's short term happiness, that can be found in many different ways. But if we can guide them and show them different choices, like you were mentioning, you know, you can smoke this joint or not, but let me explain to you that two things could happen. And one of those choices turns into long term happiness. Yeah, one of those doesn't. And so I feel like as parents, you know, we guide them and show them, hey, you are going to be able to choose on your own. That's your God given right, but , I'm going to explain to you, as a parent, where this is going to take you there's different paths, you could go down. And the true happiness path looks a little bit more like this, not that you're not going to make mistakes, and not that you shouldn't, because sometimes mistakes are the only way to learn. But, if we can keep them from making the big ones, you know, the best we can. I think that's a role as a parent.

Bill Engvall: 42:17

With both my kids, I went as far as drinking goes, which is huge, a huge problem in this country right now, with underage drinking. As I said, Look, I know you're gonna do it. I did it. My parents did it. We're all going to you're going to do it. I go, all I ask is that if you're at a party, or somewhere and you've had something to drink, just call me. There won't be any repercussions. It's just I don't want you ended up I don't want to get a call from the morgue. One night, my son played water polo. And and they were infamous for their parties. And one night, he was a he said, Well, I'm going to appoint a water polo party. I said, Okay, I said, just remember what I asked of you. And that's just a call me And sure enough, about 1230 called me and said hey, can you come get me and I said yes, I'll be right there. Never said another word about it. He got in the car. I said, How was the party said great. I said, that's great. I'm glad you had a good time. And I said, especially thank you for calling me. And that was it. And you know what, I didn't make a big deal about it. You know, I didn't say I told you not to be drinking and you're out doing this. Because all that's gonna do is push him away from me. And I don't want him to be pushed away from I want him to know that he can come to me and talk to me about drinking. So my favorite thing is we got off to college. And one night, I flew home late from a gig. I got an probably two in the morning. And I drove home. And as I pulled into the driveway cab pulled up behind me and my son got out of it. And I said, Where's your car, he goes, he goes out. He goes, we went to this bar, and I had a couple drinks. I just left it there. I said, you know, he said, I have a good night. And I literally said, God, thank you for giving me that, you know that, that I was able to, and it goes for any kind of vise whether it's drugs, alcohol, sex, the thing you don't want is you don't want your kids to not talk to you about it. Because that's when you that's when people go I don't know how this happened. I can tell you it happened. He didn't talk to your kids. You didn't make it. You didn't make it a warming thing to say, Hey, Dad, I want to ask you about something. And I know I can ask you because there's not going to be any judgment or our or our punishment for this. Because they want to know they're curious. And if, if we can just this and by the way, to all your listeners. I am not a doctor. I'm not a psychiatrist. I'm just a guy who's gotten two kids to their 30s I can tell you what's worked for me some people that may not work for. There's kids that have problems that need professional help and if you feel that's that they don't be afraid to seek professional counseling, whatever it takes with your kids do it if it means you and your husband or housewife, going to counseling are getting professional help. If you're having trouble with family or kids, that's why they're there. You know, I like i said i flap my gums for a living. But I don't have any shingle on the wall that says, hey, Bill, you're, you're qualified to give out psychiatric advice.

Kirk Chugg: 45:08

The people that have listened, I think have probably at the end of this podcast say, I was really glad that I listened to this not just because I thought that Bill is going to make me laugh.

Bill Engvall: 45:19

Well, I what I my hope is for people that might listen to this episode is that, just know that you're not alone out there, that everybody's going through the same kind of stuff. Don't be afraid to to open your soul bear your soul because to your wife or your husband, when it comes to parenting. That's the other thing I would tell a new parent and I thought about this is you and your wife or your husband have to present a united front? You cannot. Because they'll try to work you. Travis would go ask his mom. Some she'd say no. And he come to me. And I'd say what's your mom say? And he like, oh, if you guys are like a team? I go, yeah, we are a team. You're not alone in this world and know that. That there's there's avenues for if you need some advice, or you need more than that you need help or whatever, that there's, there's ways to get it and don't be embarrassed by it. That's the thing. You know, I think a lot of people get kind of like, Oh, I don't want people to know, we're going to see a marriage counselor. Hey, I I'd have more respect here in that, then. You know, you didn't. So yeah, I hope I hope I was able to give a little bit of help here that people don't know, halfway through this podcast going, this guy sucks.

Kirk Chugg: 46:37

Well, Bill, we end every podcast asking our guest the question of what they think it means to be a gentleman. And we've given you a little bit of time to think about that, because we found it's a more complex question.

Bill Engvall: 46:50

It is way more complex than when I first read it!

Kirk Chugg: 46:53

Bill, what do you think a gentleman would be?

Bill Engvall: 46:56

A gentleman to me, is a way of life. It's not just opening doors for women is not being just being, you know, having manners. It's the way that a man leads his life. And I think if you lead your life in a gentleman kind of way where you're kind of people, you're willing to help out. You're a good dad, you're a good role model. All those things, I think go into what make a gentlemen, is not just being dapper and having a good looking suit on his stuff. It's the way you hold yourself in public and in your family's eyes. And I think that's what a gentleman is.

Kirk Chugg: 47:35

Great answer. I love it. And I learned a lot about you today, Bill that I didn't know before that you're not going to find on some online bio about Bill Engvall. I think that it's really neat to get to know you, as a person get to know you as a dad now as a grandfather, and somebody who's now trying to go out into the world and better other people's lives, through ministering to people. And that's really what that's about is service. And you've just started a new one and you're graduating college tomorrow. So anybody that's out there that thinks that they don't have they don't have what it takes to do another big thing in their life. You do. You do go for it. Appreciate the example that you've set there, Bill. Thanks for joining us today. I'm Kirk Chugg.

Cory Moore: 48:20

And I'm Cory Moore.

Kirk Chugg: 48:22

Join us next week on the Gentlemen Project. You guys go out, and make it a great week.