The S.H.I.T.T.S Podcast
The S.H.I.T.T.S Podcast
Honest Love, New Rules
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What if love doesn’t end when the relationship does? We sit down with coach Emma Galland for a candid, unfiltered journey through desire mismatch, asexuality, and the courage it takes to tell the truth even when it breaks the old container. Emma shares why her marriage ended without bitterness, how she and her ex kept a profound bond, and why radical honesty protects love while betrayal destroys it. We unpack jealousy, ego, and the myth of ownership—shifting from “you belong to me” to “we each belong to ourselves.” Along the way we explore monogamy as a cultural choice, not a biological default, and what it means to design a relationship that actually fits who you are.
If you’ve ever struggled to talk about sex, Emma’s tools will change your script. Learn the “couple bubble,” a structured space where partners speak without interruption, and discover how to normalize sexual check-ins so fantasies don’t feel like landmines. We also get practical about libido: the big depressors (alcohol, smoking, certain drugs), why circulation is everything, and how leafy greens and nitric oxide support arousal for all genders. From tantra and sacred intention to voyeurism, nudity, and boundaries, this conversation blends anthropology, health, and real-life coaching into a toolkit you can use tonight.
Expect clear language, zero shame, and actionable steps: ask what felt good, separate fantasy from action, question conditioning, and choose integrity over secrecy. Whether you’re happily monogamous or curious about ethical nonmonogamy, these insights help you build trust, deepen intimacy, and stay true to yourself. If the episode moves you, tap follow, share with a friend who needs it, and drop a review telling us the one honest conversation you’re ready to have.
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Yo, what the deal is. Yo, welcome back to the Shits Podcast. We either shooting shit, starting some shit, or picking up shit left off. I'm your host, DJ Monson's Rodest, DJ and Adobe's host that y'all heard thus far. And I like to thank y'all for tuning back into the Shits Podcast. Yo, this week we got uh a special guest to the podcast. She's been here before. Uh, and the conversation was so interesting that we had to bring her back because it was some stuff that we I I felt like we still needed to talk about. So um, with no further ado, uh give it up for the one, the only uh Emma Galant.
SPEAKER_12:Yeah. How's it going, Emma?
SPEAKER_00:It's doing good. Freezing here in New York. Oh my god. What's the wind minus 25 degrees Fahrenheit on the windshield? What I've got to be it's freezing.
SPEAKER_10:What's it that like in Chicago? Uh it's like 20 degrees here, so that's like spring to us. Damn. Should be six. Um, thank you for coming back home. Thank you for having me back on. No problem. So the last time we spoke, there was some stuff that I didn't get a chance to ask you about. So I was reading and um like I was reading in your bio and stuff. That um, I don't know how to put this. So um you your marriage had ended because of what you said, like something that you said to your husband that I guess he didn't take it the right way.
SPEAKER_00:Um, it's not this at all. It I wanted a different kind of marriage than what he wanted, so we just had different views of what we wanted in a relationship. Oh that was just this. And so I really we had the conversation of this is what I would like, this is who I am. And he said, Yeah, I know, and this is not what I want and who I am. So it was a really honest conversation about who we are, how we've grown, and um heartbreaking because the love was so big. And so we we decided to end the marriage, but then work at how do we keep the love that we have and continue growing and continue supporting each other in our growth as humans and be here for each other. And I'll be honest, like on the last day on earth, if we ever like one of those apocalypse, this is the one I want to be with, right? So we managed to dismantle the marriage container and create something else, platonic, but where the love is so deep and strong, and we're soulmates still. So that was kind of a really and then no one there's no model out there for something like that. You spent a long time with somebody that you are in love with, and then sometimes the organization or the goals change, and so then what do you do? You know, you cannot go on to from love to hate, or just you know, so that was that.
SPEAKER_10:So, well, two questions one how would you classify in love? And then uh, well, not even the question, but I guess a statement. What I'll what I was told that the opposite of in love is indifferent, you know what I'm saying? So it's kind of like I don't like I don't hate you, you know, but it's just like I don't feel much for you. So it's like, yeah, like you can't go from loving somebody to hating them, but it's kind of like, do you think that it turns into more like I don't love you anymore? But it's just like I'm just not interested, like the connection is gone, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00:No, yeah, it I understand what you're saying, and it's not my experience for me. Um being in love for me is really true. So one thing is for me, uh being in love and is seeing the person in front of you for who they exactly are and loving them exactly as they are. So for me, love has always been this is I love you exactly as you are, I will never ask you to change. He's a competitive athlete and he spends eight hours a day on his sport. My parents, my family was always, oh my god, he's not coming for lunch, he's not coming from dinner. No, he's riding, he's riding the mountain. He's still there, aren't you mad? Like you go to vacation alone at the beach, he doesn't like the beach, he loves the mountain cycle. I will go to the mountain together, but he it's who he is. I married a competitive cyclist. That's who he is, and I love him exactly as he is. And yes, I wish we spent more time together, but I'm not gonna change someone. So from the beginning, for me, loving has never been about asking somebody to be who I want him to be, right? And so, and it's it's for me, it's admiration about his character, about who the man is, how he is, and how he makes me feel, right? And so what and the the what's difficult is being able to really hold space for somebody and love them this way and honor yourself as well. What do I need, you know, in order to thrive in love? And sometimes the two coincides, and sometimes they no longer do, or they don't. So I'm able to you, and so that's what happened here is that I am extremely sexual. I need sex every day. I want to have sex with women, I want to have sex with multiple men, I want to have a sex club with my husband, I want to do all those things. He's not like this, he's monogamous, right? And he's okay having sex once in a while because he's asexual, right? 20% of the population, men and women are asexual. I mean, we have no desire for sex, even if they're testosterone through the roof. It's not something they express. So you can see here there's a mix match, but the love is the true love. It's just that what I need is I need a love that's also expressed through physicality, and it's not the way that works for him. And I'm not gonna pressure my man and make him feel awful if he doesn't give me what I want. I'll give you an example. But so coming out of a relationship is realizing that I need a love that expresses itself a certain way, but I still love him.
SPEAKER_08:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And so, how do I keep this man in my life and continue to create what I want for myself? Do you understand? So it's not a bit being in love and out of love for me. I've never ever changed a man, and I don't want a man to change, and I don't want a man to change me. I want to find that fit.
SPEAKER_10:Okay. That makes sense. That makes sense, and it makes sense and I also can see how I guess like in a traditional in a in the traditional sense of relationships that some men may have a problem with that. Um, because they may feel like they want you to conform. They want you to be who they want you to be. And and and it could apply to women as well. Like some women may get with a man and may feel like, yeah, I like, I like you. It was something about it was something about you that attracted me to you. But some somewhere along the lines, I feel like sometimes people try to change you, and I think that's where the problem comes in at. Um, but also taking into consideration that people do evolve. So, like you're saying, take a person as they are as they are, right? But the thing is, if two years from now you're not the same person, then what am I supposed to do?
SPEAKER_00:Well, that's where being able to I've always had incredible communication with the men I've been with. So you're growing together. So you come together into we have a vision of relationship, we have a vision of the life we want to build. You know, whether we want kids, no kids, we want to have live in this kind of a home or this kind of a home, this country of this country. You know, I'm an expat. Like, am I gonna stay in the US forever? Are you willing to live in friends with me? Like those are the things you discuss before you get into a relationship, right? And so, and so you have you share you share a path, and then things evolve over time, and we decide, hey, well, let's move to Colombia or whatever, right? And so things to your point, things evolve. The question is, are you evolving together? Right? And and and of course there's always a little bit of compromise, but it's got to be small, it's it cannot be who you are at your core, right? Right, and so that's why I I truly believe, and I have did a lot of studying about fundamentally where we how humans were genetically and so and and um behaviorally anthropologically uh built, and we're not built for monogamy. This started 10,000 years ago with agriculture. But 200,000 years ago until 10,000 years ago, we weren't small tribes of 100 people, and every man was with every woman who wanted it, who wanted him, and every woman was with the man who wanted it. And you never knew who the kid's father was, and every father in the tribe, every man in the tribe was father to every kid and took the burden of protecting the tribe as a whole, and every woman would feed every kid. So there's a very deep, and still in our world today, the our society that operates like this. So there isn't one way of being, and so I want you to say that is if somebody has a problem with you being a certain way, you have to ask yourself, do they have a problem because they're conditioned a certain way and it's not really who they are? But they think, well will the guy say if it's like this, what will my parents think? It's against my religion, like whatever, right? So are you in a in a construct that's not really truly yours, but you are conditioned a certain way and want to live within this conditioning, then you need to find somebody that shares your conditioning. That's how you go, right?
SPEAKER_08:Right.
SPEAKER_00:I choose men who are truly themselves and truly curious and always challenge their conditioning. Meaning, do I want that because this is the way I'm told I should be, or do I want that because fundamentally this is who I am?
SPEAKER_10:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And I trust more some a man who will say this is fundamentally who I am, even if it's less comfortable because I'm gonna have to fight, you know, a construct. But at least I'll trust this man because it's not a ticking bomb, you know, he truly is grounded in who he is and he's evolving and he's communicating openly how he's evolving, and we're having those conversations, and that's actually vulnerability and intimacy, right?
SPEAKER_08:Right.
SPEAKER_00:So it's really I and so to go back to what I was saying at the beginning, I do not believe we are with one person forever. It's very rare. My parents are, you know, been married 50, whatever, 50 years married when they were 20, and they're like in their mid-70s or 55 years of marriage, and a perfect example of the Catholic in-love couple, right? Like I've I have had that as an example, and I can see I'm very different from the rest of my family, but I am very true to who I am as well, and so it's really interesting to see that there isn't one way of doing it, but what's really important is radical honesty with yourself. And the reason why I got in this marriage in the first place is I wasn't honest with myself. I loved this man and I thought that, oh, I'm in love now, and so I'm going to be able to be monogamous. Maybe I hadn't found that true love like that before, and that's what I was missing. And I realized after decade that really, no, it isn't who I am. I made a mistake. How do I work that out? Is there room to evolve and grow together in a more open, you know, um relationship in some way? Or how does that work? What's the role of sexuality? How do we do that? And it was no room. And so, okay. And so it was really interesting because we need time also to mature into who we really are. But what's really important is honesty, not lying to each other, not going to go behind each other's back. No, like really just truly being honest. Hey, this is where I'm at. How do we work that out? And now I can tell from experience and also coaching so many men and women of all types of relationships, all types of religions, I support any kind of container that every time someone is honest, however hard the message is to hear, there is respect and there is a chance to protect love. But if you are dishonest and betray, love is dead. Because true love is courageous, it will say the thing that's honest in a kind way, even if it means the end of a relationship. I knew that when I would bring up that conversation, it would destroy the relationship. And I was hoping that it would earn respect and protect the love. And it's exactly what it did. And we mourned together for six months, we stayed together. Actually, right now we're sharing a home together. After living separately, we're just like, hey, let's just like just for reasons where we have a home we share together, and then we each have our separate things. So this is really, really interesting. So I want to share that, right? Honesty, discovery, uh, and caring for each other through truth.
SPEAKER_10:Right. That's Atlanta. I I feel like that's a very interesting take on it. And um another I think that for some people that can be um a very scary take on it as well. Um that uh it's that brutal honesty, you know, and uh, and and I think with that brutal honesty, you have to deal with egos. Um and you have to deal with um uh you have to deal with egos, you have to deal with insecurities. You know what I'm saying? Um, and I think that in the process I think the whole concept of love kind of takes a back seat, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00:Um I disagree. I think it's the front seat because it's the love that that leads you to tell the truth. Okay, and so there's also what's interesting, there's two things. There's love for your partner, and there's love for yourself, also. So a lot of the time what I've noticed is, and I work a lot with men and men who stay in marriages that no longer work for them, but they stay because they're afraid of hurting their partner, and you know who and they who they end up hurting themselves, and so the brutal honesty is it has to be done in a way that is loving, meaning I love you, I really love you, but I love me too, and this is where I am right now. I don't know how to reconcile this, I don't have the solution, but this is why what I feel right now in my body is I need this and that to thrive, and we don't have that together. You don't, you know, so it's sometimes it's about explaining where you're at without yet knowing how it's going to unfold. That's exactly how my conversation went. This is where I am, this is where I've been neglecting myself. I cannot just have sex six times a year, you know, that doesn't work for me. Like I I need more, I am a very physical woman. How do we solve that?
SPEAKER_15:Did you say six?
SPEAKER_00:No, if there's no solution, yeah, six times a year. And that's my because again, when you marry someone who's asexual, and there's a lot of men who are asexual. I did a lot of studying on this, I discovered this, and a lot of women were asexual. There's a lot of women who suffer because they're men asexual, and there's a lot of men who suffer because their women are asexual. What do you do? So you stay in the relationship for whichever reason, because you love, because you don't want to hurt her, because you have children, whatever it is. And then what happens in the end is you know, people will gain weight. Women gain a lot of weight from being unloved in their relationship. Men will start the uncancer and develop a lot of different things, so to immune disorders, the body will always eventually break down. So it's learning how to communicate, you know, and and communicate early on, not waiting, because early on you may actually find solutions that are sometimes too far gone later on.
SPEAKER_10:Yeah. So you said that usually when people like are in love, they gain weight. Is that what you said?
SPEAKER_00:What did you say?
SPEAKER_10:You said like when people are in love, like they gain weight.
SPEAKER_00:No, when they are not happy in their love. Oh, oh meaning they're in love, but they're staying in a relationship that abuses themselves, abuses them because they are not fulfilled. So a lot of weight is gained from that. Because when you're really well fucked, let's put it this way, there's no weight gain, there's no illness, there's no anxiety, there's no autoimmune disorders, there's just the and because I'm a tantric sex coach, sexuality is the nucleus, the foundation, it's life force. And when that is well calibrated for each person to who truly who they are, there is really everything else goes, the world goes round, you know, it starts there, and so when intimacy is mismatched, and it's fascinating because I did a survey, hundreds of men, and I would say that about 70% of them said they have a mismatched desire with their partners, and they really suffer. And sometimes they have more desires than their partner, and sometimes their partner has more desires. So mismatch is really important, an important issue, right? Yeah, and and that causes a lot of health issues and mental health issues and heartbreak, and then you know, I could definitely understand the mental health betraying each other and things like that that are terrible, yeah.
SPEAKER_10:Then also that that um that pornhob view it probably goes up way higher um over the age as well. Um so you you mentioned earlier about having um like multiple partners and stuff like that. So I want to ask you, um how do you how does the concept of spiritual connection with sex apply to you think to a swinger's lifestyle?
SPEAKER_00:That's a really um interesting question, and there isn't one generic action that I can give you. So spirituality is a personal pathway, right? And and it's a self um, it's a self-awakening, it's you getting to know yourself, you you feeling connected to God, and in tantric sexuality, it's through your body, through a sexuality that connects you to altered state of mind, right? And so whether you have sex on your own, meaning you're not in a relationship, you can be completely celibate and have mind-blowing spiritual sexuality, or you can have one partner, or you can have multiple partners, right? It depends on the intention and how you set it up. Now, what's interesting in the exotic lifestyle, there's a lot of different types of people, right? You have people that are just there for a quick buck, and there's like really just no emotional connection, and you have people who are polyamorous, meaning they really have deep loving relationships with multiple partners, right? And so, and so depending, I'm just giving you two, but there's a million other constructs. So most people in the lifestyle are not spirit are not looking for sex as a spiritual doorway, you know. Those who and some are, you know, centric in nature. So it's it's um it depends on a relationship and it depends on people. But having multiple partners doesn't make doesn't uh prevent you from having sacred sex. And if you think about it, so s tantra is either tantra for better sex, being more present, being more sensitive, all of those good things, right? Or for sacred sex, which is really being able to have a deep spiritual experience in your sexuality. And the two are connected because the more sensitive, the deeper the sex, the slower, the more sensational, the higher your ecstatic experience. But if you think back in the old days, sacred sex has um rituals around it. Just like when you go to church, you know, you have an intention, a prayer, you have, you know, a setup, you know, you have like candles, you have a space that you clean, there's reverence, there's an altar, there's all of those things, right? So it's basically coming to sex as a holy act, right? It's honoring and worshipping the body that God gave you and your heart and a connection to soul and all of those things. You could even have spiritual sex and it's an orgy, right? Again, it's about the setup and the construct, and it is a holy and it's spiritual and it's clean and it's pure, and the intention is pure, right? So it's um I don't know if I'm answering your question, but I would say the intention and who partakes makes the difference, right? Now you and you mentioned ego before. I think that's where things go wrong because a lot of people are jealousy, for instance, comes from ego, right? From the belief that you belong to me. No, darling, I'll never belong to you ever. I belong to myself. We each belong to ourselves, I share myself with you, I share my heart with you. I may share, you know, children, I may have children and share that experience of life with you, but I do not belong to you, and you do not belong to me. And I think it's very scary because people like to know they're secure, but there is no security. We can see the statistics. One out of two marriages is a divorce, right? So there is no security of ever after. Ever after is a choice every day that you make. And I think that, and so, in order to feel secure in a relationship, you have to work on being secure within yourself. You will never abandon yourself. If you abandon yourself, that's when you start being jarred because you're looking for somebody else to complete you, to make you feel good, or make you feel safe. And that's what happens is I personally abandoned myself when I in that relationship towards the end where I was really suffering. And so I felt more and more anxious and less and less fulfilled, and you know, my health started deteriorating. And it's when I came back to myself and tell myself, no, honor yourself. You know, you're not a slut for wanting what you want. Because I was raised Catholic, you know, just there was so much shame around sex and my desires for sex.
SPEAKER_08:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And when I realized that when I was carrying this shame, I was abandoning myself, you know, and so coming home to me and and accepting myself and being ethical uh in my sexuality and honoring my love, I feel safe. I'm responsible for my own safety. I belong to me. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_10:Well, that makes sense. I mean, like, I share my heart with you. Uh, you know, I I share my space with you. I ain't sharing my wings with you, but uh, you know, I share everything else. So I get it. Like, you gotta have you gotta understand that you come first, no pun attended. Um, but I think I think that sometimes that uh people get into relationships and then they tend to forget about themselves. And then when they are reminded to think about themselves, that they're made to feel like it's being selfish, but it's it's not being selfish. Like the the reason why you have the version of me is because I take care of me. You get what I'm saying? So when I stop focusing on taking care of me, you're gonna see a different version of me, and you're probably not gonna like it. You get what I'm saying? And I think I think that's the people go wrong. And I mean, I think on both ends, I think men do it to women, I think women do it to men as well. I mean, but in any relationship, because I just can't say it's just man-woman relationship, because it could be a man-man relationship, woman-woman relationship, whatever. Um I just think that sometimes in relationships, you people tend to lose themselves. So, like, um, I always tell my sons that. I tell my daughter, well, my daughter's 11, so we're not gonna lie in that conversation just yet. But my sons are older, so I always tell my sons that. Like, don't lose yourself. Like, I it's cool that that you feel like you're in love with her and she makes you feel a certain type of way. However, don't lose yourself because that's the reason why that's what made her gravitate towards you. Because who you who you who you are, your confidence within yourself. So I think that's what people kind of uh missed the mark, if that makes sense.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's so interesting, and I think it's there's a maturity here. We all had young love where we lost ourselves, and you do that enough, you know. Uh after a while you learn. So I think it's it's part of the evolution, you know, it's part of growing in love, is getting to know yourself, you know. But yes, we all get lost at some point. Um, and I wanted to say something interesting is we attract who we are.
SPEAKER_10:So okay, I'm sorry, go ahead.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's true. Yeah, we attract exactly who you need. So I always tell my clients your partner is your teacher, and so and so each person that you attract will be your mirror, so they'll have the same wound that you do. It's almost like givers attract takers, or a giver will always choose somebody that they can give to, right? Because givers haven't learned to receive, it's easier for them to give, and they're gonna find all the takers that will take until they're dry and then they'll realize, oh my god, I forgot. I'm I'm I've been used. Okay, he took everything from me, didn't give me anything, right? And that's the lesson you needed because you need to learn to give to yourself too, right? So I'm just giving you that example. But everyone that you are with is your teacher, is going to teach you something. So so when you have those lessons or those painful moments, or you lose yourself in a relationship, you have the right partner that led you to experience losing yourself in a relationship, right? Okay, so that you can get to learn how not to, but you have to get to the lesson, and so we can tell our children those words of wisdom and they'll hear them. But there's a difference between conceptually understanding in the mind and then leaving it in the body, and so they'll have to have the experience on their own, and then they're like, Oh, that's what dad was talking about, right?
SPEAKER_10:Right.
SPEAKER_00:I don't get it, right?
SPEAKER_10:Yeah. Um, you had I I wanted to ask this question last time, um, because uh I'm I'm planning on going to the grocery store a little bit later. Uh what um what are some of the best foods to increase uh your libido?
SPEAKER_01:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:So we can talk about so there's foods that increase libido, and there's foods that depress libido. So let's talk about the and sometimes all you need is remove what depresses your libido in order to just get back to normal. So the three big offenders, and I'm so sorry guys, but it's alcohol, that's number one, uh, smoking, and it's number two. Like those two are the biggest, the biggest, biggest one. I would say the the two number one and drugs, those depress your nervous system, and they will kill your libido. So generally, just by removing this, even that for one month, you'll feel a huge difference in your libido. And you can do you just have one month of experiments and you'll see that that's the first thing, and then anything that is um, you know, grilled because it's very carcinogenic. So if you grill your meat, your fish, like a grilled, the grilled thing, like the dark, crusty thing that we love that tastes so good, that's also is a really bad thing. So anything that will basically depress uh blood circulation and alter your heart health. Anything that causes heart health issues and creates plaque in your arteries will reduce blood flow to your genitals, period. So you want to basically eat for heart health and circulation, right? So kill it, kills it. And then the foods that really help is the number one um compound, if you want, that you want to increase is nitric oxide. So nitric oxide is what helps the the um arteries relax and the blood flow to increase. And the blood vessels in the vagina and in the penis are the smallest blood vessel in the entire body. So we really want the blood to go there, and so the leafy greens, all of the leafy greens like romaine lettuce, arugula, you know, bokchoy, you know, um cabbage, you know, andise, kale, colour greens, my favorite, uh, all of those, you want to eat like a good of four to six servings a day. They're filled with nutric oxides, and they will reverse heart disease and they will increase blood flow to your genitals. So generally, I tell my clients track your greens during the day. Forget the rest. Did I get greens at lunchtime? Did I get greens at dinner? Did I get plenty? Did I get a green juice? Did I make a green smoothie? Just eat a shitload of this. And it will kind of counterbalance any other bad vice you have. I would start, this is the number one food, and then fruit and vegetable, of course, but the greens are number one, and they'll have all the minerals you need also to just support erection function and women too, erectile function for women, their clitoris, and then their wetness is dependent on that as well.
SPEAKER_10:There we go. It works for me. Sometimes things gotta be color coordinated. Um what do you think is the allure um when it comes to voyeurism? When it comes to what voyeurism, like being watched and watching other people.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. It's different for different people, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, everybody has their kink, so whatever gets you that. So one of my friends, he's he loves being, he's a warrior and he loves looking and he loves being looked at. So he's always completely naked in his New York apartment, and he's always at the window, like literally, and he's around um offices, buildings, so he's just going around naked all day, making sure he's being really seen, and he loves it. He loves the adventure in terms of he's gorgeous, he works out really hard, and that's one of the things. He loves being desired, and he feels sexy. So at the end of the day, it's really how what makes us tick, you know, just so many different things that make us tick. I love nudity personally. I'm a nudist. I love going to nude beaches, nude resorts, but I don't do it for wirism. I'm not a, you know, it's not my kink. I just love being nude in the water. I just love being nude with the sun on my skin. It just feels good. So for me, is I it feels better to be nude than dressed in nature. But it has nothing to do. I don't even notice people, I don't even look at people. Like I'm bothered if somebody comes to say hi. I'm like, hey, I'm in my space, leave me alone. I'm here to really enjoy nature and my body in nature. So there's different nudity and being nude in public doesn't necessarily mean white voyeurism.
SPEAKER_01:Right? So sexuality and nudity are two different things.
SPEAKER_10:Okay.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Like in nude beef, for instance, you'll have everyone from your kids to teenagers to adults to elderlies. Right? No one's sexual. You know, I'm gonna say like a five-year-old running around nude at the beach or a 10-year-old running exactly, there's nothing sexual. If you if some people think of sexuality, we got a problem, get the cop there, right? And safe. But being just in your body and enjoying your body in nudity is not sexual, right? Warriorism has a sexual component to it because it's a kink and it's different, right?
SPEAKER_10:Right. No, no, I get it. I get it, I get it. Um, so I know earlier you said that um well, I'm I'm I'm hope hopefully I'm stating this correctly. So you didn't believe in the concept of monogamy. Is that correct?
SPEAKER_00:I'm just saying, yeah, I I I I believe it's a choice that we're not biologically wired to be monogamous. If we were, women would not have the plylories they have. Okay. And there's a book I recommend everybody read, um, to New York Times bestseller. It's fascinating. It's called Sex at Dawn. And it's um it's a history book, or it's an anthropologist book that studies humans from the beginning of times and their sexuality, and and also has studied all of the different tribes and societies around the world in different countries and still today, and looks at their beliefs around sexuality and how they live. And when you see that, you really see the diversity. And monogamy is something that happened with religion, certain religions, not all religions, um, and with agricultures. Agriculture is the moment that humans went from to marry in order and decided to uh create property, the concept of property. This is mine, this is yours, this is my house with my little gate around it, this is not yours. This happened 10,000 years ago when we started agriculture and we had our animals and we had our grains. Before that, we were roaming tribes. There was not this is me, this is yours. So the concept of protecting what's mine, that goes very much also with monogamy and the advent of religion that just started to organize humans in a certain way, that's more recent. So that's a that's an organization. And I just want to say that because we create, so it means that we we can really create the container of marriage that is true for us. And I can see my father and mother are truly monogamous and they're thriving, right? So that exists, but being polyamorous or being whatever else, this is true too, right? It's not viviant, it's not um you know, unholy. So it is really uh finding for yourself what works. And for me, committed emotionally is important, but monogamy of body isn't, right? And I there I am in love with my ex-husband, I'm in love with two other men, right? And and so I and a deep, deep love, right? So I am fully amorous, and some I am sexual with, some I'm not. So I really separate sexuality from love, but the but love with sexuality together is incredible, right? But so it's that's what I wanted to share is really that um that it is important that you understand everyone when you get in a relationship, you need those conversations early on, because we assume that there is a progression in human life, like okay, we're dating, we're dating different people in our 20s, maybe early 20s, and then poof, we're going to look for the one we're gonna get married and have kids and grow old with. And we assume that's how we're meant to progress in life. I was just the same way, it never felt right for me in my body, but I felt like okay, maybe I'm not adult enough yet, right? But now I understand it was just not me. And so it's important when we have this understanding that we really truly say, This is for me, this is what I want, this aligns with me. Are you like that? Or are there fibers within you that would not commit to monogamy? And if so, let's talk about it now because you may not be the one that is a match for me.
SPEAKER_10:Right. That part, that part right there. You understand? And I know the last time we talked, you talked about uh being able to hold space. And I think that being able to have those unhealthy convers, not unhealthy, I'm sorry, to be able to have those uncomfortable conversations and get through them, I think are a better way to be able to hold space. You know, like so I think that if you tell somebody from the jump, uh I mean, you may not be the only person that I'm that I'm into. Like I'm into you deeply, but you may not be the only person. But you gotta give a person that you gotta give a person that opportunity and not spring in on them later, you know, once they you know they didn't post your picture up on their Instagram and all types of shit like that, not realizing you had two other people, you know what I'm saying? Um exactly just let them know from the beginning, from the from the beginning, because they may feel like that's what I'm looking for as well. You know, I just think that the I think the communic communication is the problem. Like I think communication is the solution, but it's also the problem. Um people don't communicate, they don't care those type of things. So it it leaves you to um assume you just make assumptions when when it's kind of like if you would have said this, maybe I would have been with it. You know what I'm saying? Maybe and and you wouldn't you wouldn't have had to hide certain things or not be who you wanted to be, or go a different route, and like I say, I'm out.
SPEAKER_00:This exactly, you know, yes, yeah, it's exactly true. And um, I want and I'm sorry, I didn't see my camera was off. I was looking at you and I didn't see mine was off. Um, I had a man recently ask me, my camera keeps going off. I'm so sorry. Um, how do I introduce my sexual fantasy to my wife? He asked me. And I said, Are you used to speaking about sex with your wife? Do you talk about sex? Because if you don't talk about sex ever, you can't introduce your fantasies suddenly. It's gonna feel like out of the blue, like she's gonna be afraid. It's like, okay, uh, do you want to see someone else? What's wrong with us?
SPEAKER_08:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Instead, normalize speaking about sex all the time in the bedroom and outside the bedroom. And the way you start doing this is what did you like about the sex session we just had? You know, what do you want me to do more of that you really liked? Is there something that I didn't do that you would like to experience? Normalize integrating your sexual experience all the time. Because then if you have this framework and this space, then one day in that same space you can say, hey, I would really like. I mean, I've been having this fantasy, I don't know if I want it to be happening or not, but it's crossed my mind. I'd love to have two women in my bed.
SPEAKER_08:Right.
SPEAKER_00:You know, how do you feel about being with a woman?
SPEAKER_08:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And the thing is, if you've been speaking about sex all the time, this is just another sex combo.
SPEAKER_10:Right. It's not it's not shocking. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00:No, it's not well, yeah, it might be a whoa, that's out there, but hey, okay, well, let's talk about it. You see, I'm used to hearing Hearing you talk about sex, I know I can trust you, and then whatever you have on your mind about sex, you're gonna bring it here. There won't be some second life that I don't know about. You know? And then talking about sex and acting is two different things. And you need time to feel through things before acting. If you ever do.
SPEAKER_10:That's a very good point right there. Talking about sex and acting is two different things. You know, it sounds like uh you part of an uncomfortable conversation that when you start speaking up speaking upon it, some people take it as you've already done it, and it's kinda like I'm just talking to you about it. You know what I'm saying? So like I I didn't do it, you know. I didn't have the six women in my beard. You know, I was just I'm just thinking about it.
SPEAKER_00:But you didn't do it. And sometimes it's really exciting to even talk about fantasies when you make love. The point is for these to feel safe, you have to trust each other. That's why for me, Bruce honesty is everything is that I'm not afraid of you hurting me telling me the truth. I'm afraid of you hurting me not telling me the truth and hiding things from me. You know. And so, but you need to have this culture, you need to establish this culture in your marriage or in your relationship if you're not married, you know. So cre creating space, it's not something you just decide to create today. You want to talk about something edgy, it's something you learn how to do. Um that's a big thing in my coaching, is I create a I teach people how to create a coupled bubble, I call it a coupled bubble. Like once you're in the bubble, everything can be said, and the bubble is filled with love and honesty and trust and tenderness and admiration for each other, like all of those good vibes, and then you take out of the bubble all those things you don't want, right? And so when you decide, hey, let's go into a couple bubble, then you know right away you're gonna face the talk and to experience whatever you want.
SPEAKER_10:I'm sorry about that. Especially like the the holy thing making people feel comfortable now. But I also feel like there are it's it's a deranged in your relationship where you're gonna feel comfortable discussing it. You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00:Like I feel like not comfortable because it's not comfortable, but you feel that you're in it together.
SPEAKER_10:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Yeah, I mean like it's really comfortable in the conversations that are edgy. But you want to feel like this person loves me and respects me enough that they will have the courage to bring that up, and that's what you need to understand. Holding space is taking responsibility for yourself and your reactions to what you're hearing. Holding space until and again, I turned through it, right? They're asking and responding to questions to each other, and I the the rule is listen to what your partner has to say and never interrupt and never talk back and don't discuss what they're saying. You are receiving the information, and it makes you feel very uncomfortable or outraged, or like you want to slap his face or whatever, but don't show any of it. You are responsible to hold a loving space where he can express himself. So your responsibility is your own emotional uh is holding your own emotions, and then we switch to roles, and the roles is not for the person, the woman to talk back at him, it's rather answering the same question. So if the question is, what do you want? How do you feel about our sex life? Then he'll say everything's like a thing, it's boring, we'll be doing the same thing, blah blah blah. But like not showing it, still holding a loving space for him. Then it's her turn. What do you feel about our sex life? And she'll just answer that question, not speaking back to him about what he said. The point is you each can say what you have without being judged, without being talked at, without being argued with, you are being listened. And the same thing, you know, and I see that a lot, they're crying, the man is crying, the woman's crying, they're all crying, but they're holding their space and they're holding their love, and everything can be said because no one is judged. And then the process has like different questions that some that helps you just come back together in your love and loving each other, etc. But the point is not an argument, the point is being heard. And the only way it's to be heard is if I know I can say the worst thing, and you will still love me, and you will still be here for me, and you'll still kiss me and hug me and make love to me. That is holding space, and people don't understand that. But I am gonna have to write for my class eating. Can I skip some more time with this, my darling?
SPEAKER_10:Thank you so much, but it's time. You know what? I I I email you because I yeah, I think we need to do this series. Um but I'm gonna let you go. Thank you so much. I email you um and um yeah, we'll we'll we'll talk about it.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much for the give my best to your lovely wife. She's such an angel.
SPEAKER_10:There's so many questions that people have and there's so many things that people think they know that they really don't. Especially in today's society. But um I want to let it know. Um what we're gonna really do right now, we're gonna get into the DJ portion of the podcast, uh, brought to you by myself, DJ Monsoons to Rod. Um, y'all check it out. And like I said, DJs, um if you want your your mix um features on the podcast, email me at DJ Monsoons to Raw at gmail.com. Make sure you put your name in your mix, let people know where you're from, so we can get in contact with you. But until then, here's the mix, y'all. It's the shit.
SPEAKER_13:DJ Monsoon Storm. First of his name, dopest in the game.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, yeah. We are back at the shits podcast. I'm your host and DJ DJ Monsoon's the rock. Let's get into it.
SPEAKER_17:You're more than a pretty face, girl with a curvy shape. You're full of substance, not shallow at all. For hours we can sit and talk. Just about anything.
SPEAKER_11:Shut up to my man toilet.
SPEAKER_16:It's crazy how you relate to.
SPEAKER_11:Hope I said that right.
unknown:Oh girl.
SPEAKER_11:I can say that she's a podcast right.
SPEAKER_17:I can always do my stuff. Something that I've never fed. What's I do love about you?
SPEAKER_07:Every day I find more these things.
SPEAKER_11:I better love this shit's a podcast, goddammit.
SPEAKER_07:What's I to love about you Doin the shade.
SPEAKER_02:Every one of them hella for eyes. Oh my baby. We can make it on the eyes. Leave me, baby.
SPEAKER_15:Love and music.
SPEAKER_02:Need it, baby.
SPEAKER_15:Should too.
SPEAKER_02:Only around the wood like they do. Cause I see some special in you give it wood. Do it a shade. Every one of them hella but eyes. Oh my baby. We can make it like the life. Leave me, baby. Need it baby. Only around the wood like they do. Cause I see some special in you.
SPEAKER_14:Let free be between us, you mama Dina. Like Amina or Fatima. Redeemer a passion. We both had compassion. Fuck like an asper. And all is vastness. You in my plans, thinking of a master. The essence of your dance, the truth and your laughter. That I wanna capture and cultivate stature. I'll be here for you till the hereafter. There's a clear path to the love inside you. My name's Rajin, it means I'm a guy to we both are driven. That's why we arrived to a place where now anything we can ride through.
SPEAKER_12:To tell the truth, I lied and been lied to.
SPEAKER_14:Time to be beside you. I don't wanna move with nobody besides you. Two seeker of a deeper ether, you don't have to hide you. Time to be in front, time to be beside you. I don't wanna move with nobody besides you.
SPEAKER_11:Yeah, yeah. We are back at the shit's podcast. I'm your host and DJ DJ Monsoon's the rock. Let's get into it.
SPEAKER_17:You're full of substance, you're not shallow at all. For hours we can sit and talk. Just about anything.
SPEAKER_11:Shout out to my man toilet. Hope I said that right.
unknown:Oh girl.
SPEAKER_11:I can say the shit's podcast right.
SPEAKER_17:I can always do my stuff. Something that I've never fed. What's that to love about you?
SPEAKER_07:Every day I find more pieces.
SPEAKER_11:I better love this shit's podcast, goddammit.
SPEAKER_07:What's that to love about you?
SPEAKER_02:Do you shade? We can make it on the light eyes. Leave it, baby.
SPEAKER_15:Love the music. Should too.
SPEAKER_02:Only around the wood like they do. Cause I see some special in you get one. Do you shade? Have a one of them, hella for eyes. We can make it on the light eyes. Leave it, baby. Need it baby. Only around the wood like they do. Cause I see some special in you.
SPEAKER_14:Let free be between us, you mama. Like a meaner or Fatima. Redeemer a passion. We both had compassion. Fuck the blood of Asper and all is vastness. You in my plans, thinking of a master. Essence of your dance, the truth in your laughter that I'm wanna capture. Cultivate stature. I'll be here for you till the hereafter. There's a clear path to the love inside you. My name's Raji. That means I'm a guide to we both are driven. That's why we arrived to a place where now anything we can ride through. To tell the truth, I lied and been lied to. Seeker of a deeper ether, you don't have to hide you. Time to be in front, time to be beside you. I don't wanna move with nobody beside you.
SPEAKER_02:What, what, what do you say that one of them hella dies?
SPEAKER_11:Shout out to my man, come.
SPEAKER_02:Leave me baby. Leave it baby. Won't be around the bus like they do.
SPEAKER_19:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_11:Get up on it.
SPEAKER_19:You don't even think you don't need enough when you fucking be mad. But I'm in love when you don't talk. Oh you finna love. Let's let the box. Yeah, let's get it.
SPEAKER_11:It's that good music right here, goddammit. So I'd do it. DJ you heard that's box.
SPEAKER_19:Gotta get in tone. So fight like I know.
SPEAKER_18:I smell the let's work. Put the burger there. I'll let it. So that it is now in it. That's if you want to go. Let's go be a job. Big ass to want to blow. Folks, that I don't know. Money every day. Follow up and be air. They'll be screaming. I don't care.
SPEAKER_11:I want my money tonight, too. God damn it.
SPEAKER_05:I want to do it. Stop so I'm gonna go.
SPEAKER_11:I'm gonna try to listen to the shit's podcast tonight.
unknown:I want to freaking tonight.
SPEAKER_05:Freaking baby.
SPEAKER_11:That's one of my baby favorite songs. That's why I play the goddamn friend.
SPEAKER_03:Don't need to settle down. Right then, I see you lookin'. Show hope that you're not took it. Don't balance in the crowd. Just be so damn wild. Go ahead and flush your eyes. Go ahead, do what you like. I'm feeling just this time. Do you be yours?
SPEAKER_05:Make a dog.
SPEAKER_09:I don't know where to start, but I just wanna know when it begin. I don't know where we are, but I just wanna go with you again.
SPEAKER_11:Shout out to my man Wally.
SPEAKER_09:I don't know where to stop, but I just wanna show you what it is. I'm about to lower my guard, secure me now unless you wanna pick.
SPEAKER_13:Dope is in the game.
SPEAKER_09:You see me like I don't see me. I wanna live in that vision. That's 2020, low M PIK vision. Every time I lay 16, they stay squid. But you still doubt with me like I'm the same, nigga. Same nigga, same nigga, lame nigga, lame nigga. My job got you feelin' I'm too dangerous. We done made it through the flames in LA and shit. Wait a bit, stay a bit grateful. I pray for this. I'm sick of time, but you really on that patience shit. I know you tryna paste the shit, but I haven't seen your face in years. It's been a day, baby. I don't know what to call it, but I'm never callin' you a friend. I never thought I'd ever use again. Now I know where we are, and I don't give a don't like where you been. Cause I'm out the Lord is God to kill me now unless you want. So what's on up? And I'm bull with what you want, what you wanna do. Yeah, yeah. So what's on up? And I'm bull, what you want, what you wanna do.
SPEAKER_06:Take that low, low, low, low Shout out to the girls that pay all the time. If you ain't a pot, let's take your ass back. If you get in the bottom, baby is my phone. Slide with your balls in the park. Slide with your body to the car. I've been searching every baby. Oh shit. Let's go.
SPEAKER_11:Tell us to my pull on.
SPEAKER_06:So you're ready. I'm ready. Cause once we can go and we roll it on the chat, chat till the morning. So just all right. Slide what you want to the park. Slide what you want to the park. I'm just gonna go.
SPEAKER_11:I'm in the top.
SPEAKER_13:Dee Dee Dee Dee DJ monsoon the rock. The dopest DJ you've heard thus far.
SPEAKER_12:No wonder.
SPEAKER_10:What's happening? What's happening? We're now back. We're the shooting the shit, starting some shit up, picking up shit left off. I'm your host, Aaron DJ, DJ Mind Swan's the Rider Dough. DJ heard that's five. Oh, excuse me. Sorry about that. Yo. Um, I want to give a mad shout out to Emma Galon for coming back on the podcast and chopping it with us, chopping it up with us again. Um mad shout out to everybody that's been supporting us podcast. Um shout out to the city of Chicago. Um shout out to Boulevard Sports Lounge. Um, we was out there last night for the dope shits, volume one showcase, and um we have some dope performers out there. Uh Cookies and Milk. Cream grills, cream grills, cream grills, uh the real Asia Renee, my man Lyric Versatown, and God Level Goat. Dope performance, and my man Prism. Uh so it's a dope time. So shout out to the people at Boulevard Sports Lines for letting us come through. It will be another one. Uh, we'll let y'all know when that's happening. I want to leave y'all with this, um, because it is Black History Month, so I want to put y'all up on something. Um, the next time that you have to use a gas mask, I want you to think about my man Gary Morgan. African American who invented that shit. So, for all you racist motherfuckers out there, actually racist motherfuckers that's in the military, when your ass thinking about that training you gotta go through, because I've been through that training too, goddammit. And you gotta put that fucking gas mask on during that training. Think about it was a black man that made this shit possible for your stupid ass. Well, let me stop. Let me stop. Anyway, shout out to my man Gary Morgan for inventing the gas mask. It is Black History Month. It's Black History Year, goddammit. Um, I'm gonna leave y'all with this. Make fans not followers. Followers to get you clout, fans get you work, stay passionate, stay positive, stay purposeful, um, stay patient. Did I just say patient? I think I did just say patient. Anyway, all that. Say all that. And um do something to get do something that gets you out the bed in the moment, you know? Um, and y'all can find us find us on all streaming platforms, uh, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Podmatch, all that. Um for booking. Y'all can just email DJ Monsoon Strah at gmail.com. Sterrar is spelled S-T-A-R-A-W, because I know some of y'all can't get it. And um, yeah, just hit me up. Uh and um I believe that's it. I will holler at y'all later. And uh, y'all have a beautiful morning, evening, wherever you are. You're doing good. I'm out of here.