260: What My 10-Year-Old Taught Me About Bravery (and Skateboarding)

What is keeping you from starting that new hobby, joining that fitness program, or trying something you might be "bad" at? In this solo episode, Nole reflects on a recent trip to the skate park with his 10-year-old son, Indy. Watching his son skate at the park with the "wrong" gear and a borrowed helmet, Nole realized how often our adult egos act as a barrier to entry for things that bring us joy. 

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Transcript

Nole (00:18.838)
Welcome back to the Fire You Carry podcast. This is Nole I'm running solo today. I've got something that I have been meaning to do an episode about for quite a while and just haven't made the time to do it, but today is the day. And this is a bit of a talk about how Indy, who is 10 years old, recently taught me a really poignant lesson and

It's something I've been thinking about a lot, actually. This happened a couple of months ago, maybe even three months ago. I'm pretty bad with remembering dates and times, but it's been a little bit. Essentially, the background of the story is years ago, my family went out and bought longboards and we started longboarding around parking lots. The street above our house where we live is actually really good for longboarding. It's got a nice kind of steady downhill. So we were doing that.

And we bought Indy at the time, he would have been probably around seven. We bought him his own skateboard so that he would feel included. And we bought him a little mini cruiser. It looks kind of like a giant oversized penny board, but it's actually made out of wood bamboo in this case. And it's got some tall kind of carvey trucks on it and big long boarding wheels. So we figured it'd be pretty kind of safe board, maybe something he could learn to just pedal on and ride.

I tightened those trucks down super tight because it was kind of a little too curvy for him unstable. So I tightened the trucks way down. So it was real stable. And I over tightened the nuts on the wheels so that the bearings were actually pinched so that the wheels would roll slowly so that he couldn't go too fast. And he rolled that a little bit. Didn't really like it. Mostly he just wanted to land his belly and write it that way, which is fine, but that's his skateboard. And about three months ago, he

took up an interest, decided that he wanted to try skateboarding again. And so was trying to ride the skateboard in the front yard. Our asphalt in our actual front yard is terrible. so we took him to a skate park down in town, not up on the mountain. And we got to this skate park, his first ever experience going to a skate park. And we showed up there and he's got his board, which it's not a traditional popsicle skateboard.

Nole (02:42.24)
It doesn't belong on the skate park. Not really. And that's his board and he's wearing a helmet that is his mom's. It belongs to his mom. So it's a white helmet. It has a flower sticker on the side of it. It's his mom's helmet. That's his gear. That's what he shows up in. And there were some kids at the skate park, obviously, because that's what happens at a skate park. And he was a little bit hesitant at first.

but we walked out there and he got on his board and immediately started riding and had a great time. He wasn't held back at all by the fact that he really didn't have the right gear. He just went for it. He just wanted to skate.

I remember I didn't start skating until I was quite a bit older than him. I think I probably picked it up when I was around 15, maybe 14. But I skated up a Hume at Hume skate park. So it was just me and my buddies. And I would have never gone to a real skate park in a real town with real skateboarders at it because I would have been afraid that I would have looked uncool.

I would have been the kid that didn't fit in because a, I was terrible and B, you know, my gear wasn't the best. didn't have the best skateboard. had, you know, budget shoes, whatever. Yeah. I was wearing a helmet, right? Because my parents at that time would have, would have quote unquote made me wear a helmet. And the other kids at the park are not wearing helmets back then or now. And I wouldn't have done it. I just wouldn't have done what Indy did at 10.

He was not worried at all about looking the part or about his gear. He was just there to, to be there, to skate, to enjoy the experience. And the lesson for me, so poignantly in that moment, and really honestly, something that I've thought about since, because since that time we've probably gone to, I don't know, we've probably visited 15 other different skate parks in the Southern California area and have probably gone and done that.

Nole (04:54.222)
I don't know, 40 or 50 times. And he's not concerned at all about any of that stuff. He's just there for the skateboarding and also the scooter. He likes the, Razor scooter as well, but he's still wearing his mom's helmet. Doesn't care at all. He's just there for the fun. He's just there to play. And I think for me, was a good realization that all too often for me, my ego,

is a barrier to entry into something that I could really enjoy, that I could have a good time doing. But I'm concerned that I'm not fit enough, right? Think the fire up program or other things that you might go sign up for. I'm not ready for that. I gotta get prepared. Or think skateboarding, mountain biking, any other thing like that where there's people who are doing it, who know what they're doing, who have all the proper gear. And I would let that

if left to my own devices be something that would keep me from doing it. And watching Indy and his example was just super encouraging. It was really encouraging to me. And just again, a reminder that if there's something to do that's fun that you want to do, it doesn't matter what your gear is. It doesn't matter if you're good at it or not.

It's.

an activity. It's fun. It's skateboarding. Yeah, we're not going to be the best skateboarders of the park. So what, cares? We're not going to have the perfect gear or the best gear. Doesn't matter. Does your skateboard roll down the ramp? Yeah, it does. And that's all you need turns out. So that was super fun. And as part of that, I started skateboarding again. I picked it back up after

Nole (06:52.91)
20 something years. quit probably when I was 18 and I left Hume to go join the military. I don't think I skated after that really until I got on a longboard, which is a totally different thing. But I also bought a small cruiser board. It's a land yacht tugboat. I love it is super fun to ride on in parking lots, parking garages, like smooth concrete downhill stuff. It's really fun. I had to upgrade the wheels because the wheels that had on it were just like these

gigantic or long board wheels that were not conducive to riding in a skate park. But for a while I was riding it in the skate park with those giant wheels. And I had the courage to do that and to look like the goon with the weird board because Indy didn't care. And I thought, if Indy doesn't care, I don't care. It was really eye opening for me and allowed me to get out there with what I had. Cause I wasn't about to go out and invest money in a brand new board just so that I could

look the part because Indy was out there doing his thing on his board. Since then, for Christmas, Indy did get an actual great skateboard standard popsicle shape and proper wheels and trucks for a park. So he's riding that now, but I'm still on the cruiser. Although I did, like I said, I upgraded the wheels. got some more reasonable wheels, but it's still the cruiser with the cruiser trucks and really bigger wheels even than I should have on it.

but better than what I had and.

he gave me that motivation to pick it back up. And of course I wanted to pick it back up as well because I couldn't picture myself being dad on the sidelines just watching Indy skate. He wants to be there, he wants to skate. And inside I couldn't imagine just sitting and watching. Like I need to go out there with him. I haven't skated in 20 years, but I know a little bit. I have some muscle memory there, I thought.

Nole (08:53.832)
and I could show him a couple of things. And I have been able to, I was never good. I was never a good skateboarder. I really enjoyed it, but I never got good at it. I didn't invest enough time into it, but I've been able to pass on some lessons and to teach him stuff. And it's interesting the dynamic there because he's wildly impressed with anything that I can do because...

just by nature of the fact that I used to skate, am better than him, right? He's 10 years old. So I'm able to show him some things and he loves that. And he's also been able to see, I think a cool, he hasn't vocalized this, but I feel like he's been able to see a good lesson from me in that I'm 42, almost 43 years old and the concrete, it doesn't care how old I am.

And this is Cape Park, the ramps, they don't care. I fall down and I've had a couple of pretty legit crashes, falls on my board. And to be able to demonstrate to him how when we fall down, we get up, we get back up, we walk it off. And in my mind, in my opinion, the most important thing in that kind of scenario after you crash is you get back up.

You walk that off, which sometimes a couple of these times has taken me a little bit of time to walk that off. In fact, right now, my knee, my right knee is swollen and it hurts sitting here because I dropped in on a quarter pipe that was about six feet tall and I went. Into the concrete, not quite face first, a knee first, and then elbow and kind of then the side of my body, but I.

bruised my knee pretty bad and my right arm is all bruised up. My wife is concerned. She wants me to to gate it down. She's probably right. I can't get injured off work. That would be a tragedy. I'm the only person making money in the house for the family. So I can't hurt myself and not be able to work. But I am having that opportunity to show Andy it's okay to fall. And when you do fall, you got to get back up and guess what?

Nole (11:15.786)
You actually need to go do that thing that you just fell. You gotta go concrete again. And that has been fun. And.

I have a different.

Nole (11:32.439)
I don't know. We'll call it a mental governor now than I did when I was younger skateboarding and certainly than Indy does. I do have that mindset of I'm a fireman. I need to be able to use my body to go make money, right? I have to be able to do my physical work. So I have to be a little bit safer than I maybe would have been when I was a kid. I also understand the consequences of falls like that better. And there are different consequences, right?

Indy can fall the same way that I fall and it will devastate me and he'll be fine because he's young. But it's interesting how difficult certain things have been to overcome because I have that in my brain. So specifically for me dropping in on a quarter pipe, the very first time I did it when I was younger and skating when I was 14 or 15.

It was terrifying. And I'm talking like a little three foot quarter pipe, but it was really scary. I remember that. And I remember the first time I had the guts to try it. And the first time I accomplished it, it was a big deal for me and felt really good to do because it was so scary because I was afraid I was going to shoot my board out and break my tailbone or go face first on the concrete or whatever. Those same fears exist now. And I had just enough muscle memory to, actually accomplish that.

But I had a very similar scenario and it was pretty comical to me in my own brain to know that at 14 or 15 years old, I was standing on the coping, trying to will myself to drop in knowing that if I didn't commit and go for it, I was going to send my board shooting out in front of me and land on my butt hard. Knowing all that stuff, knowing what that feels like to do that because I'd fallen like that before and yeah, it been 20 years, but my brain knew that it wasn't good. And then finding eventually,

the courage, right? To do that and accomplishing it. And it's been super fun. I'm still not any good at skateboarding, but I'm having a blast. And there has been something really cool about...

Nole (13:45.507)
just the shared vulnerability of Indy leading the way and showing me that it was okay to go skate with Goongear and not worrying about the fact that he's a beginner. And now we're both out there being beginners together and he's still got mom's helmet. I'm still riding the board that doesn't belong on the skate park, but we're having a great time.

He has led the way by getting us out there. I'm trying to lead the way by teaching him a few things and by showing him that it's okay to fall down and that when you fall down, you jump back up and you get back after it. And that has been super fun.

Nole (14:28.181)
As I think about.

the reality of getting back into skateboarding at 42, almost 43 years old. The question outside of the obvious benefits to the relationship between Indy and I and that whole thing, but the question becomes why? Why would you do that? Why would you skateboard? Because it is inherently dangerous and it brings no discernible

value to my life. I'm not going to go become, you know, a top skateboarder winning competitions. I'm not going to get a sponsorship. I'm not going to do any of those things. So why skate? And I mean, that even translates on down to, to Indy. Why would I encourage him to skate or to ride his BMX bike at the BMX park or whatever it is? And the reason is there's a ton of value in just innocuous play.

something that is just fun for the sake of being fun. And right now, skateboarding is that for me. And I look forward to taking Indy to the skate park just as much as he looks forward to going, which has been an absolute blast. And there is something about getting on a skateboard and riding around a park where it really is a good way for me to decompress. Can't think about too much else.

when you're trying to...

Nole (16:04.888)
when you're trying to drop in on a quarter pipe that's as tall as you, that's the only thing in your brain. It has to be, otherwise you're gonna go face first into the concrete. And sometimes even when that is the only thing on your brain, you go face first into the concrete if your name's Nole and you're 42 years old.

The other cool thing about it has been really a lesson for me. Cause Indy kind of, guess, intrinsically already knew it or just wasn't concerned, but the community at the skate park and we experienced this similar thing when we were doing the BMX, going to the track and riding during the practice. I never raced Indy did though, and has won in his beginner division a couple of times won the trophy, but the community, the people that are there,

Some of them look rough. Some of them are really good. I like to just watch sometimes. Sometimes I have to just stand and watch what some of these guys are doing and be amazed at just the skill level of some of these guys. But

I haven't run into anybody that has said, dude, what are you doing on that board? I haven't run into anybody that has made fun of Indy's helmet or the fact that him and I are both just figuring it out and really just trying to stay on our boards that the judgmental skater, we haven't run into that guy. And I think a big part of that really boils down to just going back to Indy and his first walk out onto the skate park with the wrong gear.

and

Nole (17:40.269)
I'm going to speak for people that were there that I didn't speak to, but I think that there's an aspect of that where they recognize that he is being authentically a skateboarder and it has nothing to do with your gear or how cool you are or how good you are. You're just out there. You've made the trip to the place and you're out there trying to skate and that's respectable.

Nole (18:11.348)
I want to be the type of person that has realms in my life where I'm good at them. And when people come along who aren't who are just learning where they feel comfortable to learn and to fall into look like goons in front of me because they know that I won't be judgmental about that. And it's been rad. I mean, I can't say

can't say enough about how fun and how rewarding just getting back on a skateboard with Indy has been. And so I guess my encouragement to you with this episode would really be something that I've already stated probably too many times, but.

look at your kids, look at the kids around you. If you don't have your own kids, watch how they conduct themselves in the world. And there is a point in time. And I think we caught Andy at just the right time where he hasn't gotten to that place yet where he's worried about what other people think that'll probably happen. I mean, at least it happened for me, but recognize that there is a ton of value in not being concerned with.

other people think about you, whether it's your abilities or the gear that you have or what, just, just going for it. If it's something that you want to do and just go do it and don't let your own ego, what you're worried people will think about you be a barrier to entry. And for you, this, this very well might not be skateboarding, right? But it might be something else. It might be signing up for that adventure race. It might be coming to the fire up program.

Right? Just let go of all that. Don't worry about all that. Know that it doesn't really matter. And that the reality is once you get there on the ground, once you get to the skate park or the BMX track or the fire up program or like Kevin and I did way back in the past, the Highland games, those are all places where I've had no business being and was the new guy who knew nothing. And at every single one of those turns in life,

Nole (20:21.238)
I didn't run into a single person that was like, bro, you're a kook, get out of here. I ran into people that wanted to talk, wanted to say hi, wanted to teach, wanted to help, or just wanted to leave you alone and let you do your thing and weren't concerned at all about the fact that you got the wrong board or.

This is clearly the first time you've ever put a kilt on at the Highland games or whatever it may be. Or you're the guy at the BMX track renting a bike because you don't have your own bike. That's me when we go to the BMX track and not worried about that stuff because nobody else is worried about it either. Nobody cares. Everybody has been the beginner, the new person, the person without the quote unquote perfect or right or cool gear. And it really doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter at all. There's actually something really fun about

that about doing the thing just for the sake of wanting to do it because it's fun. And there's tremendous value in that. So be like Indy. Don't worry about your gear. Don't worry about your fitness level. Don't worry about what you think. Other people will think about you. Take a moment and reflect on your own life. And if you've ever been in a position where you've been the pro in that area, whatever it is,

And people have come in who were not the pro and how did you treat them? How did you think about them? Did you make fun of them? Did you chase them off because they were new and they weren't good or they had the wrong year? No, you didn't do that. Other people don't operate that way either. And even if they did, who cares? Who cares if someone goes, dude, what are you doing writing that board? That's not the right board. You shouldn't be writing that. Okay. Just drop in and go carve around and have your fun. I don't.

I don't care what you think. I'm not spending money on a skateboard right now. And this is the board that I have. So this is a board I'm going to ride. I have said enough about this. I hope you found this a little bit inspirational, a little bit helpful. I know I certainly have. And

Nole (22:34.072)
final word, don't let the fear of looking stupid hold you back. Because the reality is, we all look stupid at some point. And if your goal is simply to look cool and to be the best at something, you're never going to get there. If you don't get through the phase where you're the kook, and you look stupid, because you're the beginner.

This has been the Fire You Carry podcast.