261: What if We Talked about the Living, the Way We Do about the Dead?

In this high-energy catch-up, Nole and Kevin dive into the patriotic fever of the Winter Olympics, specifically the historic gold medal wins for both the U.S. Men’s and Women’s hockey teams against Canada. Between discussing the "grit and tenacity" of players like Jack Hughes and the bizarrely fascinating world of Scottish curling stones, the duo gets personal about their recent struggles with illness and the mental toll of the "firefighter trap"—working long overtime stretches at the station.

The heart of the episode shifts to a deep discussion on legacy and intentionality. Inspired by a recent celebration of life, Nole and Kevin explore why society reserves its best praise for funerals and how they can start "breathing life" into their families and colleagues while they are still around to hear it.

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
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Transcript

Kevin (00:01.672)
Did you watch the hockey game this morning?

Nole (00:04.745)
I was really hoping that you would bring that up because in fact, I did.

Kevin (00:09.644)
That was incredible. I've never felt, I mean, there's something I've never felt like so like patriotic and fired up this morning. That kid, Jack Hughes is missing teeth. His face is all jacked up. Got a stick in the mouth. And then the interview after that, you got to go watch that interview with this. It was just the most, I mean, let's just talk about American grid, tenacity and pride for being an American. Like it was just like, you couldn't.

Nole (00:20.799)
Yeah. Yeah. He caught a stick in the mouth.

Nole (00:29.481)
I watched it.

Kevin (00:38.722)
We were cheering at whatever time in the morning it was like, you know, you're supposed to be checking out the rigs and doing all that stuff. No, everybody was in the chairs, like cheering, like, like going ballistic. It was a, it was a great moment, dude. It was an amazing day.

Nole (00:45.269)
Ha ha ha.

Nole (00:53.631)
Yeah, that was super fun. I mean, you know me. I'm not a sports guy. I don't follow sports. Hockey, ice hockey is the only sport that I've kind of played. Like as we talked about as a youth, I played pickup games with the staff at Hume Lake. So we didn't even have like established teams. was just like, you random five dudes against you random five guys. But I like hockey. It's, you know, it's violent and it's, you know, it's an icy cold sport. So if any sport...

Kevin (01:03.342)
Yeah.

Nole (01:22.527)
I were to care about it would be hockey, but I still don't follow it. But the local news was on at the station and I'm not watching it, but I catch in the background that they're at some local bar and they're talking about the gold medal hockey game is on right now. And I'm like, wait a minute, what?

Kevin (01:40.942)
turn that on.

Nole (01:42.367)
So obviously then that goes on the TV. The guys are like, we got to switch over. So I actually didn't get to watch the full game. I caught the.

I kind of cut the last half and then obviously the overtime, but dude.

Kevin (01:55.338)
It's all you needed to see but it was just it was like super exciting and the girls and I we watched the the women's hockey which won in overtime as well and that was amazing, you know what I mean? And both play a Canada

Nole (02:04.361)
Yeah. Yeah. Against. Yes. Who would say like national pastime or something so.

Kevin (02:14.026)
It's bigger than anything there. And then just to know that, you know, it's kind of stuck into Canada a little bit was amazing.

Nole (02:21.857)
Yeah, that feels good. mean, you know, you gotta put them in their place every once in a while. But the thing that blew me away, obviously, the aftermath, when he makes that goal, you know, I, I'm gonna admit, I got a little emotional. Like, I got a little misty eye, just like, this is the most amazing thing, because of course they're talking about it, that it hadn't been since 1980, right? And of course I'm aware of that because of the movie Miracle, which is an amazing film. And...

Kevin (02:36.418)
Did too!

Kevin (02:44.846)
Yeah, the mirror.

Yeah.

Nole (02:51.241)
Obviously I wasn't around to watch that happen, but just the fact that it had been so long since the men's hockey team had won gold just makes it that much more fun. And then that it was the Canadians who were kind of secretly our rivals slash friends and allies. And then dude, Hughes, the speech he gave right after, you said, it was just so, he said all the right things. He talked about his teammates and all the past hockey players that he had looked up to. And then he talked about how proud he was to be an American. And it was just beautiful. It was a beautiful moment.

Kevin (03:02.849)
Yes

Kevin (03:08.523)
Yeah.

Kevin (03:19.502)
And not once did he mention his missing teeth. Didn't even talk about it. It wasn't even, it says in True Rocking Player, he's missing two teeth, could care less, we won the gold. There's, yeah, there's something special about sports where, and especially I think like the Olympics, where that's a unifying thing. I can only imagine how many.

Nole (03:22.847)
No, didn't even talk about it. Yeah. Which is a true hockey player, right?

Nole (03:32.767)
Yeah, that was super cool. It was a great way to start the day.

Kevin (03:45.762)
hundreds of thousands, not millions of TVs were watching that this morning. You know what mean? And then like, hey, these guys all play for different professional teams, you know, and then just that's like this unifying thing in a world of chaos and destruction. I just love it.

Nole (03:49.781)
Yeah.

Nole (04:02.229)
Yeah, it was super cool. And in the, I'm sure in the bigger house, it was even more fun, but even here at the little three, three man house, like it was cool. Cause all the guys are there. One of the captains hung over a little bit and it was just, everybody was like, yeah, we did it. It's pretty, it's pretty fun.

Kevin (04:12.206)
It was bro hugs all around and we were screaming and yeah, there were some probationary boots that came over to practice for the follow-up and they came in like during the overtime and it was pretty funny because the guys are like, hey, put that crap down. You know, like you're not supposed to watch a TV. Like this is a moment of history. You know what I mean?

Nole (04:23.886)
yeah.

Nole (04:35.713)
This is history, you can't miss this, yeah.

Kevin (04:37.878)
And these kids were so wildly uncomfortable because they were A, in like out of station, B, on probation trying to practice their follow up. And then C, they didn't have no idea what we were doing. It was pretty funny. No, not even close. No, no. All the guys couldn't care less. They're like, hey, just watch this.

Nole (04:43.295)
Right.

Nole (04:49.961)
Yeah. Did they watch? they obey and watch? they're going to admit they're going to be sad about that someday. They did the right thing, I guess, but not really. I mean, you missed it.

Kevin (05:04.162)
But yeah, everything paused, dude. It was a great moment. I'm glad we were partaking then.

Nole (05:10.517)
Yeah, and of course I thought of you immediately because, you know, I'm the sports guy. So I immediately thought, I can't wait to talk to Kevin about this.

Kevin (05:16.375)
ARTS!

Kevin (05:20.802)
Yeah, that was fantastic. yeah, just super fun, man. That was very cool way to close out those Olympics. And it seems like everybody in the station became curling experts over the last month. You know what I mean? where the Canadians touched it after the hog line, which it's a no-no. You can't do that.

Nole (05:35.593)
Yeah, that's a big thing right now. Here, here too.

Nole (05:46.049)
We can't do that, everyone knows that.

Kevin (05:48.174)
Everyone knows that. to get back those cheating Canadians and to win the gold in a hockey in their own sport after they cheated passing the hog line, can't get better.

Nole (05:59.586)
You want to know something interesting. This is really off the wall. So I think because there's obviously there's a worldwide interest in curling every time the Winter Olympics comes around. It's like clockwork because it's very fascinating. It's very confusing. But I got a video recommended to me in my YouTube feed about the curling stones. And it was some channel called So Expensive and it was like, are curling stones so expensive? So of course, I'm curious. So I click on the video, watch the video. It's incredibly fascinating.

I'm not gonna give it away, but I will say that the granite that they make the stones out of comes from one specific island that sits off the coast of all places, Scotland, of course, because they have the best stones. But it comes from this one island. You just gotta watch it. It's fascinating.

Kevin (06:40.046)
Of course.

Kevin (06:45.294)
And this has been, is this always a thing or is this just a more recent phenomenon?

Nole (06:50.785)
Apparently there was one Olympics that they didn't use this stone for the stones and I don't know if I learned why. But it's like, that's it. the stones shattered that year because they weren't from this Scottish island.

Kevin (06:57.794)
That one was trash, yeah.

Kevin (07:03.31)
Well, we appreciate you guys staying with us. We've been deathly ill. The illness has been coming around. I feel like you and I have been sick for a month and I don't know why. And we're relatively healthy human beings, but that one put me down, And so we apologize for you guys not having an episode out.

Nole (07:15.633)
I have been sick for a month.

Nole (07:20.245)
Yeah.

Nole (07:26.069)
Yeah, last week there was really no, if we had physically managed to get on and record, it would have been us just kind of looking at each other going, hey.

Kevin (07:36.398)
Yeah, no, not happening. But there's been no workouts, no sauna. Today was the first day that I kind of felt okay. And I went out, I did a light workout, and we did a sauna afterwards. It felt good. It felt good to take like a nice cold shower and finally get like some pizzazz back in your life. It's been that, I hate that. It's almost like an oppressive state when you're sick. You know what I mean? I hate that.

Nole (07:37.654)
Hey.

Nole (08:02.805)
Yeah, it is depressing. You can't work out. You can't eat right. it's just... Your brain's not working correctly. You can just feel it because you're not getting the nutrients or whatever. Yeah, it's... It's rough.

Kevin (08:16.302)
What else has been going on?

Nole (08:19.079)
Hmm. I've been working a ton. That's that's really honestly that's it in my life. I'm currently working Two shifts, so I'm working my shift and then the the B shift is open So I'm I'm eating up all of those overtime days. So I've just been at the station so there's Not a lot going on Yeah

Kevin (08:36.654)
That's like, it's the blessing and the curse, right? It's like, it's a blessing because you can help take care of things for your family financially and you can, while you get it, you know, those are the better times to get, but at the same time, it's just a monotonous operation. I'm here on my third day and I'm like, I'm ready to do something different with my life.

Here.

Nole (09:01.599)
Yeah, yeah, I feel you. I'm here. This is day four right now. The Walmart guy delivered something to me a little while ago. And I always feel bad having the Walmart guy deliver stuff to me at the station because often it's something silly like a bag of salt or who knows what. But I kind of apologize to the guy. I was like, hey, man, sorry, make you drive out here. But I'm I'm kind of trapped here, you know, because literally is like, I can't I can't leave and I need this.

Kevin (09:10.946)
out.

Nole (09:31.947)
Thanks for driving all the way out here just for that, but I don't think he got it. I don't think he understood what I was saying, which is fine. He gets paid. I leave him a nice tip. But it is a weird thing feeling trapped.

Kevin (09:39.096)
No.

Kevin (09:43.544)
So our friends, it is. you're not able to do the things that you technically want to do or go where you need to go. So you're just going to trap. But it is what it is.

Nole (09:55.989)
Yeah, it's great.

Kevin (09:57.742)
Program guy and friend at our station JP, Hilsa Beck and Josh Nessa, program guy and two the biggest savages. We did the 4x4x48 together. They just recently competed in the High Rocks Pro Division in Vegas. Yeah. And it was really interesting to watch because your friend and neighbor, Hunter the Sheriff was there.

Nole (10:09.759)
Yeah, yeah.

Nole (10:14.561)
They did?

Nole (10:23.297)
Hunter.

Kevin (10:25.952)
And Josh and JP are pretty special human beings. Now they're in their 40s and they have full-time jobs and everything else. I think they get it in about an hour, which seems pretty amazing for the amount of weight that's being pushed around and all that. And I think I saw that Hunter the Sheriff did it in like 48 minutes, which is with his partner, which is absolutely absurd.

Nole (10:53.184)
Wow.

Kevin (10:54.552)
But I think that's what he does for a living is hyroxin workout.

Nole (10:59.659)
Yeah, totally. Totally. That's impressive. That's wild. So I don't know anything about this. Is that like televised? Did you get to watch it on TV? Or is that like an internet stream?

Kevin (11:03.341)
Yeah.

Kevin (11:11.714)
No, but we had some friends that were there taking pictures and giving us updates while we were doing it. And it's, yeah, it was very cool to see those guys get done. they just did normal workouts, I think, leading up to it. wasn't anything like...

Nole (11:15.875)
Mmm, okay.

Nole (11:25.845)
They weren't specialized in their training or anything.

Kevin (11:28.152)
No, you know, and so I thought it was pretty impressive for us. So hats off to JP and Nessa once again for competing in the high rocks and killing it.

Nole (11:36.693)
That's strong. The Hirox is different than, if I'm correct, than like CrossFit stuff. You know the events beforehand, right? With Hirox?

Kevin (11:43.886)
Yeah, it's a known standardized, supposedly event, but a heck of a more running and less technical things. So it's a 0.6 mile run, so over a half mile. And then there's a vent, like 150 wall balls. And then it's a 0.6 mile run, and then it's a huge, heavy farmer carry. And then a 0.6 mile run.

Nole (11:52.065)
Mmm.

Nole (12:03.465)
Okay.

Nole (12:08.405)
Mmm.

Kevin (12:11.682)
I have no idea the distance, I think it's close to six or seven miles. You end up running in this thing. Yeah, I think maybe it's less than that, but it's a lot.

Nole (12:22.409)
I don't like it.

Kevin (12:23.884)
No, the running is substantial. Which way is why I think the Hunter the Sheriff is probably crushes this. Because he's a world class runner.

Nole (12:30.623)
Yeah, that dude can run. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting.

Kevin (12:38.04)
Which I'm gonna just say that if you have that guy in your backyard and he wants to run a hill with you, I think you've gotta take him up on it and go get...

Nole (12:47.091)
I need to hit him up again, I do.

Kevin (12:50.403)
I mean, he'll lap you on this hill, but what a cool opportunity.

Nole (12:55.551)
Yeah, I should probably take him up on that. I'm afraid. I mean, it makes me scared, but you're right. You're right. I'm gonna write it down. I'm gonna write a note.

Kevin (13:01.149)
I would be too.

Kevin (13:05.102)
No pressure, just go run with the best runner in the mountains. No problem.

Nole (13:12.223)
Yeah, it's fine. He's probably not running the mountains right now. We got snow.

Kevin (13:16.462)
how's that going?

Nole (13:18.121)
I don't know. not there. Now is a good storm. We got about six inches, which is like the perfect amount for Indy to sled without actually having to do any shoveling really to speak of. So it was good. Yeah, it was looking like we weren't going to get any weather this winter, but finally came through.

Kevin (13:27.661)
Yes.

Kevin (13:32.64)
I love it. Yeah, we're.

Kevin (13:39.79)
That's great. Half the country, it's like 76 degrees here right now, so it doesn't seem like winter.

Nole (13:48.031)
Yeah, well, it's already over. It's warming up. that was our one winter storm.

Kevin (13:55.95)
Have you been trying to what's your theory on working out while sick?

Nole (14:02.877)
Interesting question. So it depends on how sick I am but if I've got like a Just like a cold or something mild. I Will usually still try to work out which is against medical advice or really anyone's advice and I don't know if that makes any difference when it's something mild but With what I've had going on this month. I haven't been able to I've had one one workout

this entire month and I was on a good day. was having a good day and did the workout and then shortly afterward felt awful again. So this actually is going to be the first month that I miss my MEPs goal in four years. Yeah, there's just no way I could do it. I just can't physically exercise. So I would say that

Kevin (14:32.941)
Thanks.

Kevin (14:45.1)
What?

Nole (14:56.255)
It's probably not a good idea because your body is working on fighting whatever it's fighting and it needs the energy that you're going to expend working out. But I don't know. I also kind of feel like there's something to be said for just manning up and burning it out if it's something mild, but yeah, I don't know.

Kevin (15:16.846)
Yeah, I don't know what the right thing is. I know I couldn't, it was more of a severe sickness that I couldn't do anything, but I did notice today it felt good to just get some blood flow in, get out in the sun, you know, and do the things. there's all these people and they're like, sauna's burning out. But I'm like, I'm already, I don't know. I just seem like just rest. Rest was the only thing I could really do.

Nole (15:39.509)
Yeah, one thing I don't do when I'm sick is ice baths. So while that's a normal part of my routine, I just feel like that's too much additional system stress.

Kevin (15:46.7)
No. No.

Kevin (15:54.776)
No, yeah, that's not gonna work for you.

Nole (15:56.8)
And I'm not a sauna guy, so, but I would feel, I would honestly feel the same way about the sauna. I feel like that would be too taxing on the system if you're ill.

Kevin (16:06.028)
No doubt. No doubt.

Nole (16:07.851)
Plus I think I might die. I almost feel like I'm gonna die when I'm healthy in the sauna.

Kevin (16:13.71)
Today was rough. Today was the first day back and it was a rough one for sure.

Nole (16:19.157)
That's always the fun thing when you come back from being sick and you start training again how weak you are.

Kevin (16:24.138)
It's like you've never done anything before in your life.

Nole (16:26.207)
Yeah, I used to be fit. I lost it so fast.

Kevin (16:30.84)
Yeah.

Kevin (16:35.702)
Well, this is pretty much all we got today. We've talked about the weather and working out sick. What else? You got anything else?

Nole (16:47.804)
man.

Dude, I've had the most boring month. I've been here at work. We haven't had any rad exciting calls. We don't really talk about that kind of stuff here anyway. I'm definitely not going to talk about like hose testing and division inspection prep. That's the most terrible topics in the world. So yeah, dude.

Kevin (16:53.688)
Yeah.

Kevin (17:07.054)
No, we did have a pretty interesting call the other day. We had a structure fire that came out in a commercial building in a busy area in Huntington Park. when we got there, the cops said this dude ran out with a gun and he had two other guys inside that also had guns. And then, so there are guys on the roof, we're going to the roof, there are lines going inside and it's a...

two story, multiple different offices, what have you. So guys are in there fighting fire. And then this is like the everyone out, pull out, everybody out. And we're like, what? So dudes coming off the roof and it was a very bizarre situation. It was on the news, but it was just a watch like a fire continued to roll while we were there. And then they got tactical, dude. They got their tactical SWAT team out.

Nole (17:48.341)
Wow.

Kevin (18:04.206)
And we had to just hit it from the yard to keep the thing in check so it wouldn't spread to other businesses or whatnot. And then had to like shelter behind the rigs until they cleared the room. But supposedly those guys ran out, they cleared it, there was nobody else in there and then we put the fire out. So it was a lot of nothing, but that was an interesting situation.

Nole (18:22.805)
That is interesting. So the little SWAT guys went inside while the fire was still burning around there?

Kevin (18:27.712)
Well, we had, they tried, but they didn't have BAs on. So there was a lot of coughing and what have you. And then they came back out and then we ate it hard from the yard for a while to like knock it down. And then they went back in the A.M.

Nole (18:39.391)
Yeah, yeah, Dude, that's funny. That's interesting. Yeah, that's a weird dynamic. Anytime you have a threat of violence and then there's something that needs to be mitigated and just like you can't, can't, you can't send guys in to fight a fire if there's risk of dudes getting shot, which means the building might have to burn down. But yeah, that's wild.

Kevin (18:43.726)
Here I am.

Kevin (18:57.23)
You might have to burn down.

Yeah, but that's pretty much the only thing of excitement of the week.

Nole (19:06.337)
That's not bad.

Kevin (19:08.014)
My daughter is turning 13 years old and something about the teen 13 I know I mean you have much older kids now, but yeah, it's wild it's it's very nostalgic like or reminiscing about like hey how quickly this went and You journal and I like to do this daily journal this this quick five-minute journal thing and Supposedly they say that that helps slow the time down because you're like documenting things

Nole (19:11.151)
Nole (19:23.968)
Yeah.

Kevin (19:38.07)
Have you read that before?

Nole (19:39.711)
Yeah, my wife has actually been telling me that I need to pick it back up because I haven't been doing it. And it's supposed to be really good for that and really good for your brain health too and memories for retaining memories. I haven't been doing it for quite a while.

Kevin (19:50.798)
Mm-hmm.

Kevin (19:55.246)
But it doesn't seem to me that it's slowing time down at all. No, no, because it's like, you know, like we're going back into photos and my wife's showing me pictures of her one, two and three year birthday, you know, and I'm like, that just seems like, that just seems like yesterday, you know, just seemed like boom. So yeah, it's kind of a weird time. I've been like, it just seems like time is fleeting. And even though like, you know, I'm trying to maximize the time with them as much as possible.

Nole (19:57.09)
It's not, it's not working. Yeah.

Nole (20:07.797)
Yeah.

Kevin (20:24.992)
Reality is is that we're gone quite a bit and like, you know, there's there's missing time So I hate I don't like this feeling I don't like the feeling of that I'm missing the time but there's not really much anything I can do about it

Nole (20:37.749)
Yeah, yeah, there really isn't. Dude, going back and looking at old photos of the kids is an interesting thing for me because, you know, you get those, regardless of what photo platform or phone you have, you get those memory things that'll pop up in this day 10 years ago or yet last year, whatever will pop up. And I don't look at those. But my wife will periodically...

Kevin (20:53.198)
Yeah.

Nole (21:04.371)
Want to show me what she's looking at and it's the usually it's the kids being little or indy being a baby or whatever I have a hard time. I can't look at that stuff for very long. I feel like I get I don't know that it's necessarily like nostalgia, but you know that nostalgic feeling where it's happy But it's also sad at the same time. You know exactly what i'm talking about. Everybody knows the feeling But I feel like sometimes for me It's a little too intense. I think there's a little bit too much

Kevin (21:19.49)
Yeah.

Yes, yeah.

Nole (21:34.058)
I don't know. I don't want to get super deep right here, but it's a little too much kind of regret for the time that is passed and maybe opportunities that I feel like were missed or I don't know. It's very difficult though and I will try my best to, and I like looking at the pictures, right? I like reliving the memories and seeing the kids a little, but there's a certain point where it starts to feel like too much and.

Kevin (21:41.4)
Hmm

Nole (22:02.815)
I don't know if that's me just trying to run away from my feelings because I don't like feeling my feelings or what, but.

Kevin (22:08.408)
No, that's something interesting there. That is something interesting because I feel almost like it's like, I wish we were back in that time. That was an easy, yeah, that was an easy time. know, that was, that was super fun. We just went and got Froyos and just collected sticks. You know what I mean? Like, but I don't, I know I shouldn't wish for that back in that time, but it was just like, I feel like, we didn't get enough of that time.

Nole (22:16.405)
Yeah, there's that too. Yeah. Yes.

Nole (22:23.648)
Right.

Nole (22:33.377)
Yeah, there's definitely an aspect of that too. And that's always interesting because when you look back at the past, you do feel like, or at least I do, exactly what you just said. Like that was an easier time, a simpler time, maybe even a happier time in some contexts. And I wonder how much of that is actually true and how much of that is just simply the fact that

The minor difficulties of life that you were experiencing during that, they don't stick with you. You you don't remember that stuff. Whereas, yeah, the good stuff. And then the minor difficulties that you're experiencing now, you're very aware of those because it's currently happening. So I wonder how much of that is just being idealistic. if there's any truth to it, like when your kids are younger, the challenges are different and the connections are different. So there probably is an aspect of that too.

Kevin (23:02.264)
Right, you only remember the naked.

Kevin (23:27.488)
interesting. I was talking to my buddy's dad, who's a great man, and he's in his 70s. And he was talking about, I was like, Hey, do you remember the kids fighting at all? Or like not getting along? Or there were some significant challenges during these teenage years when they were starting to, you know, have hormonal changes and whatnot. He had like thought about it. He's like, No, not really. I mean, I don't really remember that stuff. I only remember kind of like the good stuff. it's just, and so I think your point is like pretty valid, like,

It might seem chaotic or super intense or whatever we're dealing with right now, but I do have a feeling that we're going to just start thinking of the good times, you know?

Nole (24:06.495)
Yeah, that brings something to mind. We won't talk any specifics, but you'll know what I'm talking about. But I was recently at a celebration of life. so the remembrances were being shared by family members. And as Heather and I drove home from that, we were talking, obviously, about that and just about different things. And Heather asked the question, what do you think

Kevin (24:18.477)
Mmm.

Nole (24:36.007)
North and Avery are too old as would say about each other, you know, like if they were put in that situation. And it's obviously like a tough, horrible question, but it was interesting. And then we got onto the topic of, you know, we have all been to funerals and celebrations of life or memorials, whatever you want to call them. And that, that happens in most of those scenarios where you talk about the person who's no longer there. And it's obviously part of the healing process for those that are there processing through the loss.

But it's interesting to me that we don't have as a society or just as people, a mechanism for doing that for the people while they're around, you know? Like really awesome things get said about the person and it's not for them anymore, you know, because they've passed on. And then we started talking about like logistically, how could you do that? And would it even be effective? Like, could you do it at a

especially when your kids are children, like could you make it a tradition at, this was my wife's idea, at a kid's birthday that you would take a moment, yeah, right? Because it's an annual holiday and you could take a moment to speak, not necessarily the type of things that you would say at their funeral, their memorial, but kind of that type of stuff, right? And I thought that was really interesting. I didn't, I mean, obviously we haven't implemented that because that happened last week or two weeks ago, but

Kevin (25:40.684)
Yeah, that's what I immediately thought of, yeah.

Nole (26:04.585)
is an interesting thought because one of the.

Well, you know, you've lost people that are close to you before what we would perceive as their time. And there's always some regrets there, right? Of like, man, I wish I had said this or I wish I had spent more time there. And I don't know, there's just a moment of reflection of thinking, do we need to spend more time and be more intentional about that type of thing?

Not from a morbid sense of just going like, you might die tomorrow. Although, of course, that is true, right? But maybe more from the sense of, can this person, family member, friend, loved one, whatever, benefit from that? Could I?

Kevin (26:54.35)
Yes, and yes. the funny thing, one of the biggest knocks of people close to me is that I don't take that well. If somebody says, hey, I really, and I don't know if that's, your military background or our first responder currently is like, it's always just like, oh no, that's just what we do. You know what I mean? Or whatever. it's, and then I've had a couple of people like literally grab me on the shoulders and said, Hey, you don't, you're not listening. You don't take this well.

Nole (27:02.24)
yeah.

Kevin (27:24.074)
Yeah, I want you to take just not respond to just take this in, you know what mean? I appreciate what you're doing and I, you know, I want you to keep doing it and I'm really proud of your whatever it may be. And we just don't take that well. Like I think I'm part of the problem too. It's like, don't take that really well. But I do think that I do watch my kids and I try to say to them often how proud I am of them. But I think that is it has to be. And I think you're really right. Like it might be so that's the time.

Nole (27:39.883)
Mm-hmm.

Kevin (27:54.082)
I remember when we were young, the older people used to like at your birthday party, everybody would get up one by one. And recently I thought was really special is at Josh Nessa instituted this thing when a guy would promote at the table, there's 10 guys at the table and you would give them either the shield or a brand new captain's helmet or whatever it is. Everybody got a turn to talk about that guy.

Nole (27:58.997)
Hmm.

Nole (28:19.404)
wow.

Kevin (28:20.27)
And it was really, really special. We've been a part of it for like three times where everyone kind of talked about the impact that they had, you know, whatever it may be. And it was really special because usually the wife was there or somebody was there, you know what I mean, and got to see. And sometimes there was funny jokes and something like a story or whatever it may be. But yeah, normally that would be reserved to either like a retirement or a death, right? And like,

Nole (28:34.244)
yeah, yeah.

Nole (28:45.802)
Right.

Kevin (28:46.134)
It was cool to watch during the moment like, we're saying the things that should be said now.

Nole (28:52.255)
Yeah. Man, that's really interesting. Got to start implementing that. I think for me, part of the reason why, mean, I'm exactly the same as you, right? When people say positive things, I just immediately try to distance myself from it and try to deflect. it's very uncomfortable. But I wonder how much of that is simply the fact that it's just not something that we do. And so the...

The ability to gracefully accept and process through that type of emotion, it's just not there. Because it is really, I mean, that sounds really cool until you're the guy who's getting promoted, right? And then it sounds like a nightmare, right? It's the three, you turn into the three-year-old kid at the birthday party who hates the fact that everybody's singing to him and you're weeping. It's like, I don't want the attention. But maybe there's an aspect of that that's good.

Kevin (29:34.232)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just watch him squirm.

Nole (29:50.806)
Maybe it's okay that it's hard, but it's something we need to go through. Leave it to Nessa to already be doing something that I'm just barely scratching the surface to think about. He's already on top of

Kevin (29:54.867)
the more yeah

No, But I think the more in relationships in general, including like with my wife, less we can be like transactional, like, hey, did you get the sodas? Did you get, did you go to Costco? Did you pick up the mail? Like, and more like, hey, this, like, because you'll hear, I'll tell somebody else's story about my wife that's really special and I won't tell her. You know, you're like, wait, I should be, I should have told her that, you know.

Nole (30:21.735)
Mm. Right.

Nole (30:26.453)
Hmm.

Kevin (30:26.734)
how impactful that was or what she means, you know what mean? But I'll tell somebody a random person, you know what I mean? And it tends to be like we fall into those habits. It's just a habit, conversational habits of like, oh, did you do this? Did we do that? Do we need to fix that? Do we need, you know what I mean? And so, I don't know, that's something interesting to think about is how to be less transactional conversationally and then more like, you know, breathing life into the kids and breathing life into your wife and being appreciative of what they do.

Nole (30:31.627)
Mm-hmm.

Nole (30:54.881)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really like this. So if you're listening to this, especially if you're on YouTube, go down in the comments and tell us if this is something that you have either seen implemented in your life or that your family does or maybe did in the past, or if you've got any ideas on solid ways to implement this type of affirmational feedback and kind of on some sort of an annual basis. mean, Kevin's idea of the birthday party, and it sounds like you actually had examples of that happening in your youth where adults did it.

Kevin (31:22.83)
Yeah, yeah, don't.

Nole (31:24.053)
And I don't feel like I remember ever seeing that, but I think it's a great idea.

Kevin (31:28.054)
Yeah, it's only on one side of the family, but I think it's fantastic. Everybody stand up and say a few words. Like, what better time to do it, right?

Nole (31:31.851)
Yeah.

Nole (31:36.982)
Yeah. One thing, one thing similar to that. It's, similar, but different that did happen in my life was when I turned 13, my parents solicited letters from grandma's, grandpa's, aunt's and uncle's friends and asked them to write a letter of advice. yeah. So I have these three binders full of letters and

Kevin (31:58.723)
I remember you telling me about this, yeah.

Nole (32:04.201)
A lot of those people have since passed on, you my grandparents and stuff. And it's been quite a while since I've gone back and read them, but there have been multiple times in my life where I went back and read those and they were super meaningful and they're funny. A lot of them have funny stuff in them and there's, of course, there's great advice and it's interesting because of course the way everybody, everybody writes a letter is different and some are very, you know, laid out and like bullet pointed and others are just kind of all over the place depending on the person's personality, but.

But yeah, that kind of stuff. think there's some real value there. not to, again, I don't want to sound like I'm taking away from what we do at memorials or celebrations of life because I think that's necessary and it's important. And of course, it's for the people who are going through it and it's part of the processing and I think it's healthy and good. But I don't know, dude. I think it might be something that at certain points in life, like what Captain Nessa is doing, maybe we need to start implementing that.

Kevin (33:01.026)
Well, I always think about when women we created the fire up program, which is these men's retreats and we were actually able to get my dad pops up there before he passed away. And I think I cherish some of those moments that we had while we were up there because I was telling him about how important and impactful he was on my life. And he was doing the same and saying how like what we created you and I and how incredible that was and how proud he was. I think.

Nole (33:11.07)
yeah.

Kevin (33:28.674)
I mean, obviously I think God had his hand on that. but by being able to create and actually spend time and to make time for a weekend where it was not, you know, not a birthday party or not a family event or not when you're torn in three other places, there was nothing else to do but to hang out, you know what I mean? And talk about life. And I think that that was super important. I think that's why I value these retreats like this program that we put on because it's very intentional. Like you have to lick.

literally remove yourself from working home and have a conversation with somebody and and and that impact is huge and and a lot of times for us it's random people but if this there have been times where we've had very close friends or family members have come up and that to me is the has been the most special because we're having those conversations.

Nole (34:17.525)
Yeah, that's a really good point. And there's nothing else to do. That's what we're there for.

Kevin (34:20.982)
That's what we're there for, right? But great point. I think we have to institute that and let get weird and stand up and everybody stand up at a birthday party at a minimum. But the station thing is pretty fun too. If somebody was leaving or promoting, I think that would be a very cool thing to do too.

Nole (34:22.934)
Yeah.

Nole (34:37.729)
We have a few days left in February. Maybe we can figure out a challenge for March where we try to implement this in some way during the month of March.

Kevin (34:42.114)
Cool.

Ooh, I like it.

Nole (34:48.735)
All right, well, we were just talking about the program, so let's just shift this into our weekly pitch for the program. Our next class is coming up in May. We've got so many, so many rad dudes already signed up to come out. This class will be full to capacity. We will eventually, probably soon actually, have to close registration. So if you're...

Kevin (34:54.488)
Let's go.

Kevin (35:14.402)
What are the dates if we're thinking about them?

Nole (35:16.797)
I don't know that off the of my head, so I'm going have to look it up. I'm just going to type in here fireupprogram.org.

Kevin (35:21.229)
looking at that.

Nole (35:29.793)
15th, 16th, and 17th of May.

Kevin (35:34.67)
Let's go 15th, 16th and 17th. That'll be awesome. Yeah, I was looking at, we've been getting a lot of people signing up, a couple guys that are coming back and I'm pretty pumped on this. yes, if you haven't been, this is your call to action. Sign up, join us up in the mountain, have some conversations and I think, I know if I will talk about this forever, but it's just like the relationships more than anything formed at this thing has been.

the most powerful thing out of the whole thing. It's just... So join us at fireupprogram.org. Let's go.

Nole (36:15.125)
Let's go sign up.

Kevin (36:18.604)
All right, well, till next time. Thank you guys. This has been the Fire You Carry podcast.