264: Pushing Too Hard, Crashing, and Rebuilding the Mind

What happens when a high-performance lifestyle hits a physical and mental wall? This week, Nole takes the mic for a solo session to deconstruct his recent "February crash." From a 130-hour fast and a back injury at work to the debilitating mental fog that followed, Nole shares a raw look at what happens when our "push" overrides our physiology.

The conversation moves from the gut to the brain, exploring the science of neuroplasticity, the physical restructuring of our neural pathways. Nole discusses why first responders get stuck in "threat-scanning" and "grousing" loops and offers two practical tools to help you rebuild your mind, lower your cortisol, and get back to being present for your family.

Key Topics:

• The Perfect Storm: How extreme fasting, injury, and work stress led to a month-long health crisis.
• The "Hallway Verses": Re-examining Philippians 4:8 and Romans 12:2 as practical manuals for mental health.
• Brain Hardware vs. Software: Why you need to "think better" before you can "feel better."
• First Responder Loops: The cost of staying in hypervigilant "threat-scan" mode once you're off the clock.
• The Reset Tools: A breakdown of the 5-Minute Journal and the "60-Second Verbal Gratitude Drill."

Big thank you to My Epic and Facedown Records for the use of their song "Hail" in our podcast!
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Transcript

Nole (00:21.62)
You are listening to the Fire You Carry podcast. This is Noel and today I'm going solo.

I've got some notes. did a little bit of actual preparation for this episode. I've actually been thinking about this since. Well, I guess it hasn't been that long. It feels like it's been a long time. It's been a couple of weeks. So as you guys know, talked about it multiple times, didn't really go into any specifics, but I was sick during the month of February and I'm not going to go through the whole timeline or all the details, but I am going to talk about it because it's relevant to where.

I'm going. So all of what I'm about to say is speculation. did have some labs done during this time and they didn't find anything. I didn't get any actual answers from the

medical professionals and I'll just leave that there. I talked to a good buddy of mine, friend of mine, program guy, longtime podcast listener. talked to Calen and Calen Ploof. He actually gave me a good direction to go with this that ended up helping me quite a bit. And then my wife actually helped me out quite a bit with this as well. But everything I'm about to say, I don't have any real concrete

evidence-based, you know, lab numbers to go over with you. But here's what I think happened. I went into the beginning of February and I was very stressed out. I was under a lot of stress from home, from other commitments that I have in life, from stuff at work. There was just, there was a lot going on and I was definitely overwhelmed.

Nole (02:12.662)
The reasons aren't really that important. I'm not going to go into that, but I was, I was tapped out. I was burned out and I was stressed and I went into that. I injured my back. pulled the muscle pretty bad loading some hose at work. So bad that I couldn't stand up straight. couldn't sleep comfortably and it was, it was pretty bad. And I was in a phase where I was at work for actually six shifts in a row. And so I needed to get better because I was, I was working. needed to be working.

And I was going into that back injury already at 72 hours fasted. So I was trying to get back on the program. was kind of trying to do a reset just to start getting healthy again after the holidays, which yes, for me, those carried through January. And I just kind of felt like I needed to restart. 72 hours fasted, injured my back. I kept fasting because I know that your body does more

Autophagy does more healing does a lot more all kinds of things when you're fasted. So I wasn't working out because I was injured but I was working and I continued my fast I ended up fasting for 130 hours so over five days and at the end of that I Kind of thought I was gonna ease into eating Had some bone broth in the morning put a little bit of butter in there and then I was hungry So about a couple hours after I had that, know little

fast-breaking bone broth with a little bit of butter, I went full keto. And I've been doing keto and carnivore, not all the time, but a good percentage of the amount of time for probably the last six years. So I know what I'm doing in that realm. I know how my body responds to it. And I didn't think through the fact that after fasting for 130 hours, my body is in starvation mode. My stomach has shut down. Things aren't prepared.

for a keto bomb of high volume, which is what I did. So I inflamed my intestinal tract and my stomach because I dumped all this really just high fat, heavy food on top of a system that was in starvation mode. And that set off a chain of events that lasted for the entire month of February. I had one day where in the morning I felt kind of good enough and I had a buddy here working with me. So I worked out, but I really only got one workout in the entire month.

Nole (04:39.724)
As you know, you've heard me talk about this, which I only share to let you know how severe the problem was. It wasn't a mild thing. Like I work out, it's part of my mental health. It's what I do. I was unable to do that because I was so sick and I was losing weight. I didn't look well. I looked drawn and pale. I was just not doing good. And mentally I was in

I was in a fog. I felt stuck. It was incredibly difficult to do the quote unquote normal things. It was difficult to record and produce this podcast. It was difficult to, and actually nearly impossible to get the task done that I needed to do for the fire up program and things were developing for that. And when I would go home, I was pretty much unavailable to the family. I was really just kind of sitting on the couch and

not doing much or resting, honestly, going and sleeping because I was just totally drained. And what I believe happened is not that I ate some bad food and that triggered it, not that I had something actually physically wrong with me, but that because I was under so much stress, my cortisol level is really high. My immune system was compromised because of my cortisol level being so high because of all the added stress that I was under. I went ahead and fasted for way too long.

for the, in the context of what was going on and that type of fasting, it raises your cortisol level as well. So my immune system is basically just not existing at this point. my intestinal tract, which is involved in fighting immunity and all kinds of other things is, is in a, a weakened state or a shutdown state. I dumped all this heavy keto food on top of it, started this chain of events. But then after that happened, I got stuck in this loop and

As the problem continued on past three days, past five days. Now we're into this a week, two weeks. I really began to get depressed and worried that there was something else going on because I've never been sick or dealt with anything like this really at all, let alone for that period of time. So I began to think, well, I've now got some condition that I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I have cancer, all these things are going through my mind and I'm

Nole (07:04.31)
I'm unable to do the normal things that I would do, work out this podcast, all the things, be there for my family. And so I got stuck in this negative loop of just focusing on that. And I just continued to perpetuate the problem. And I was changing things in the way I ate. Like I said, I went and got labs done and it just continued on. And...

I'm going to pause for just a second because while I do have notes, I wrote down the references for the verses that I wanted to read, but not the actual verses themselves. So that's my February. And that's where I want to start from just this idea that I, I did not do moderation at the beginning of the month. And I'm not going to go into that aspect of it, although I have a whole nother podcast episode again about moderation, but

I'm not being, I'm not being moderate in any, in I'm just pushing it way too hard. And then when I do end up in this situation that was negative for me, I get stuck there in my brain mentally. And as I've come out of the backside of this, this verse keeps coming up and I'm going to talk about it several different times, but Philippians four eight is finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable.

Whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable. If there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. This is a Bible verse that I've got memorized. Now I did just read it off my phone because I always mix up the order of the words. But I do have this verse memorized and it's one that I've been aware of for a very long time.

As I was kind of doing a little bit of research for this episode, I read something where it was referred to as a hallway verse, a verse that we kind of just walk past. And that was definitely the context of this verse for me prior to a few months ago when I started reading a book with my wife, which I will talk about in a minute, but just the idea that this is one of those verses that people memorize and it gets talked about in sermons, but

Nole (09:25.794)
but it is definitely a verse that for me, I kind of just walked past. I would read it and I would never stop to think, well, how do I do that? Like it was kind of just like, yeah, that's a nice verse, but to practically apply it. And what does that even mean? I'd never gone there. So a few months ago, prior to all this, my wife has been requesting that I read a book with her.

Really honestly for probably over a year and I had listened to the audiobook myself She had read it separately and I did get a lot about out of the audiobook But she wanted to go through it together. So eventually after probably honestly a year, I'm sorry Heather We did finally sit down and start reading it together. The book is called switch on your brain by dr. Caroline leaf and There's parts of this book that I struggled with because it does

I don't remember what her, what her doctorate is in. She's either a neurosurgeon or something like that. She's very smart person. So she goes really in depth into the working of the brain and a lot of science. And I'm a, I'm more of a bro science guy. If it can't be explained in a five minute YouTube video, I have a hard time grasping it. So there were parts of the book that I struggled with a little bit, but essentially the idea of this book of, of, and there's a lot of

actually talk in this realm right now in YouTube. There's other books out about this. But the thing that she's focusing on is just this idea of neuroplasticity. And she's contrasting what we know now based on science and actual studies and brain scans and all this stuff with what we used to believe. And just to oversimplify it and neuroscience it for you. We used to believe in the scientific community, the medical community, that if you had a

a mental disorder, if you had a learning disability, stuff like that, that you were kind of stuck with that, that your brain was not moldable, it couldn't change and that you could kind of attack the symptoms of that, but you could really never attack the problem itself. You couldn't actually change what was going on in the brain. And now through studies and scans and science and all this stuff, what they know is that your brain is neuroplastic. It can be changed.

Nole (11:48.457)
And the way that we change it is through what we think about, what we focus on. And she has all kinds of different examples. There's been all kinds of studies done on people that go into, you know, a huge medical issue with a positive mental mindset or versus a negative and how much better people that are positive turn out in the end. And these are things that we kind of just know work.

Like if you believe that you're going to beat cancer, you're more likely to beat cancer than if you believe it's going to kill you. We know this stuff, but it's now also being proved scientifically. And she goes into things. And again, I'm going to use a couple of terms here that I may not even understand, but there are studies that have been done that have proved that based on what you think about and what you choose to focus on, you can actually shrink the amygdala, which is kind of the fear center of your brain.

And you can grow and yes, I'm reading my notes so I don't get this wrong. You can grow the prefrontal cortex, which I think is in the front somewhere. It's got the word frontal in it, which is kind of the logic slash piece section of your brain. You can actually physically grow the part of your brain that you would want more of and shrink the part of your brain that you would want less of based on what you think about and what you're focusing on. And in Romans 12 verse two, it says, do not be conformed to this world.

but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. And again, the renewal of your mind, do not be conformed to this world. This is again, for me, one of those hallway verses that I've read, I've memorized and never really thought prior to recently, what does that mean? How do I apply that? And

So for me, the breakdown of this verse is simply that the pattern of this world means that if we're left to our own devices, we're gonna do what I did in February, where you get stuck in this negative loop and you're just constantly thinking about the problems and the what ifs, and it's all negative, it's all doom and gloom. That's where we default to. That's where the culture defaults to. We get in these negative loops and that's being conformed to this world in a way. There's other ways you can interpret that, but for the sake of this conversation, I'm gonna stop there.

Nole (14:14.058)
And the word transformed here comes from the Greek word.

How is that metamorpho? I'm probably pronouncing that wrong, but that's where we get our word metamorphosis, right? So it means a complete and total transformation. Think a caterpillar going into a cocoon and coming out as a butterfly or a moth. It's completely different creature. It's not just like a coat of paint or something that you put over the surface. It's totally different. So when we say we need to be transformed by the renewal of our mind, we're not talking about just kind of a, it's not just a shift in your mindset.

or what you're thinking about, or what you're, it's actually physically changing. If we go back to the neuroplasticity and actually physically changing our brains, that begins to make sense. Which is really, all of this stuff is really cool. And in this book, Dr. Leaf talks a lot because she is a believer. She talks a lot about the connection between what we're currently learning through science and actual peer-reviewed studies and all that versus what we have.

been taught and known in the Bible, which is an ancient, it's an ancient book, right? But the principles here are now being born out and being proven through science and medical research, which is pretty cool in my opinion. And then when you talk about the renewal of your mind, it's back to literally changing the neuro pathways in your brain and

actually restructuring your brain, restructuring your mind, not just modifying your thought process, which you could look at as like software, right? You're kind of changing the software with what you're thinking about, what you're focusing on, but you're actually also changing the hardware. You're modifying your neural pathways. You're modifying parts of your brain and either shrinking them or growing them, making them more active based on what you think about and what you focus on, which goes back to Philippians 4.8.

Nole (16:18.354)
and that list of the type of things that we should focus on. If there is anything of excellence, think about these things, which is not what I was doing in February. And what I was doing in February is I was focusing entirely on trying to feel physically better so that I could then think better, so that I could then get back to the place where I could be available for my wife and my kids.

back to the place where I could be engaged in the podcast and engaged in the stuff that I'm doing for the fire program. And I had it backwards. Right. I didn't need to be focused on feeling better to think better. I needed to be thinking better in order to be able to feel better. And the truth is, is that through talking to Calen and talking to my wife, that as I started to do that and work on that work on lower, lowering the stress level, really thinking about

what am I thinking about? That's when I started to turn the corner and I'm now probably two weeks out from the last time that I felt compromised. And now I feel, I feel pretty normal. I feel like I'm back to a hundred percent. I'm working out again. I feel like my, my brain is, is back out of the fog. I'm able to engage and think and be present for the family. All of those, all of those good things.

In preparation for this episode, I was thinking about if there was a way that I could connect this to the job beyond just, you know, general stress and cortisol levels and all that kind of stuff and your thought process. And

Nole (18:03.192)
Three things. Three things I think are really clearly obvious in the world of being a first responder, whether you're fire, law enforcement, military, riding an ambulance, wherever you're at. There's an aspect of our job where we are hypervigilant. We're in threat scan mode. regardless of what you're doing, I mean, obviously in the military and the law enforcement, that makes sense. But even in the fire service world, right, even if we're on just a routine medical call,

What's the first thing? Well, it's actually the second thing that they drill into your head when you're going through EMT and you're doing that kind of stuff. It's, it's, it's BSI and then it's scene safety and scene safety is there because you don't know what's going on. You don't know why this call has happened and there could be something physically dangerous for you and your crew there. And so you need to provide for scene safety. And if you come from a background like mine, where you've been in the military and you've had

that hypervigilance instilled in you, you're not only looking at that while you're on scene, I'm still...

Nole (19:16.32)
I still wrestle with walking into a garden style apartment and trying to discipline myself to not check the roof lines for, for shooters or not look at windows, looking for somebody on a phone or something like that. But that's, that's the world that I came from. So I'm always in that mode. And as first responders, we're, always in that mode and we're always looking for what's wrong here, what needs to be corrected, what needs to be addressed. That's our job. So that's natural, but we can get stuck in that.

to where then when we go outside of this job and we're back home, we can stay in that mode. It's really easy. And I know that for you guys out there on shift work, you know that feeling where you've been on duty for a few shifts in a row, you come home, it's hard to readjust, it's hard to integrate back into the family. It takes some time. And that's because, in my opinion, we're in that threat scanning mode. We're in that hyper-visual at work mode. And it takes some time for us to distance ourselves from that and realize that, okay, I can let my guard down a little bit now.

because I'm at home or at least change my focus a little bit.

We're always looking for what's wrong. And then the other thing that happens for sure in the fire service, and I can't really speak to law enforcement, but I'm sure it's the same there and that was the same in the military. But one of my favorite words is, well, it's not really one of my favorite words, but I use it a lot. And usually when I'm talking to my kids and it's this, it's this term grousing, stop grousing. And what it means to me is just kind of a low constant.

grumbling, a complaining. And in the fire service, one of the things that we do all the time is we sit around and we talk about what's wrong and who's doing something wrong and why this guy's messed up and why this system is broken. And we, we, we complain all the time every day. And sometimes we joke about how we sit around the table and we solve all the world's problems.

Nole (21:06.466)
Sometimes that feels true, but there's a reality to this line of work, and I'm sure it doesn't just end here. I'm sure this happens everywhere, but this is where my experience is. But there's a reality that between constantly being on high alert and scanning for threats and being in that, while necessary, it is a negative thought loop, right? You're stuck in that. We're also then going back to the station where we're outside of that, and now we're just grousing. We're just complaining.

and we're talking about all the things that are negative and all the things that are wrong. And so it's easy, it's easy to get stuck in.

in that mindset and in those loops and then to go home and remove yourself from that situation, but then just to continue that same behavior, which keeps you in that same mode, right? And then what we're doing in our brains is we're reinforcing that. We're building those pathways stronger. We're building those parts of our brain that are negative and fear focused, and we're just strengthening them. And that's not what we want, right? And it may not manifest itself every time in a physical illness like it did with me, but eventually it will.

And there's a lot of talk in the fire service world about how all the heart disease and all the cancer that we're super susceptible to, while it is partially an environmental thing, it is really probably more highly linked to our higher levels of stress, our higher levels of cortisol, our messed up sleep schedules, all these other things. And so if that's true, then going back to

And I'm gonna, I gotta go back to it. Philippians four, eight.

Nole (22:47.31)
Philippians 4, 8, which says, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. None of those things in that list.

Nole (23:13.592)
Totally lost in my Bible app right now.

None of those things in that list fit into that loop, right? The threat scan loop or the grousing loop, right? Those things don't fit in there, which means that we have to find a way to add them. And where Romans 12.2 says, do not be conformed to this world, right? That's the grousing. But be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

We have to actually figure out a way to add those things in.

to make those things a part of our lives so that we can go home and be available to our wives and kids so that we can function on the level that we need to outside of the window of the call, right? There's a part of the window of the call where you need to be hypervigilant. You need to be threat scanning. You need to do all that, but you need to be able to turn that off as well so that you can function outside of that and not be constantly reinforcing those parts of your brain that while you do need at certain times, they're detrimental.

at other times, right? Running around and being hypervigilant when you are a law enforcement officer and you're out doing your job in the streets, or if you're a military guy and you're overseas, like that is important. That's going to keep you alive. But if you do that all the time, it's not positive and you're going to end up burned out, stressed out, and you're going to be

Nole (24:49.886)
going to be a less than ideal husband, you're to be a less than ideal father and friend. And so how do do that? So two tools. The first one is something that I wish Kevin was here to talk about, but he's talked about it a lot on the podcast. So know you've heard it. This is not something that I personally do.

although I might be needing to integrate it into my life based on all this, but the idea of the five minute journal and part of the five minute journal that Kevin does, the idea is you do this in the morning and you do it in the evening, but part of that is gratitude, writing down things that you're grateful for. And when you take something and you force yourself to mentally think about, okay, well, what am I grateful for today? Even in the midst of everything being terrible. So if I was doing this in February, I'm depressed, I'm sick, I'm not doing good.

but I can still find things that I'm grateful for and then I write them down. And as you put pen to paper and you actually physically write that down, it does something in your brain, right? It changes the way that your brain thinks about it. It makes it more concrete and more real versus than just thinking about it. While that's good, writing it down is better. And I'm not going to go into the parts of the brain that that changes. I'd have to look it up and write it down. And we're just doing bro science here. So just trust me when I say that physically writing it down does positive things and changes the hardware of your brain.

is part of that rewiring. And then the other thing, the other tool, and this is something that I just got this morning from Heather, and it's the reason I'm doing this episode now. She sent me a video and this gentleman was talking about this same idea. He was actually talking about it from a secular perspective. He's not a, he's not a believer, I don't think, but his drill is great. And I'm stealing it. I will actually, I can't link to his video. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm going to summarize it for you, but basically his drill was you

You start a 60 second timer on your watch or your phone. And for those 60 seconds, you think about things that you're grateful for. And then you verbalize them. You say them out loud. So you would say, I'm thankful for my son Indy and what a wild man warrior's heart he has. And I'm thankful that when I came home yesterday, he was out being active, jumping his bike off his jump.

Nole (27:02.946)
that he had a good crash and he dusted himself off and he went back out there and got back after it. I'm thankful that God gave me the opportunity to be Indy's dad and that he created him that way. And then you keep going. I'm thankful for my wife, Heather, and all the support she gives me and that God made her as beautiful as she is and that she has been my friend and my partner for well over two decades now. And then when that 60 seconds is done, you take a pause and you do it again.

You run through this three times and you verbalize it. You verbalize it out loud. And the reason that you say it out loud is because it changes the way that your brain processes it. Right? If you sit and think, I'm going to make it through this tower. I'm going to get in and I'm going to be a fireman. You think about it. That's good. That's positive. But when you speak it, it changes the way that your brain processes it. It becomes more real and more positive. So those are two tools that you can use to start implementing this stuff. To start implementing.

really Philippians 4, 8, is thinking about those things. That list, right? Go read that verse, memorize it. I would encourage you to memorize it and then do the same for Romans 12, 2. And then when you feel like things are spiring out of control and you're starting to get down and you're stuck in these negative thought loops, do these things. And this guy would encourage you, Kevin would too. Kevin would encourage you to do the five minute journal.

on a daily basis. This guy would encourage you to do these one minute drills on a daily basis. I would do the same, even though full disclosure, I just learned about this one minute drill this morning. So I haven't even done it once yet, but I'm going to integrate that into my life. And I would encourage you that if you're, if you're going to do that, if the sounds compelling to you, then

Nole (28:48.482)
Do it daily. Make it something where you're now rebuilding your brain. You're rewiring it in a positive direction and you're getting yourself out of those negative thought loops as often as possible.

Nole (29:02.254)
And I couldn't help but think about the episode we did years and years ago with Rich Zuniga, who's a good friend, and the phrase best job I ever had, which comes from the movie Fury. You've heard us talk about it and reference it a bunch of times on the podcast. Kevin was just recently talking about it and how it changes the tone and tenor of a bad call when you can just say, best job I ever had, even though things are terrible. And

It's not exactly the same thing, that gives you that phrase and that thought process gives you that opportunity to go, hold on, there's something here that I can be grateful for, that I can be thankful for, that I can recognize is a positive. And some days the only thing that you may be able to grab onto is just the fact that you are employed or that you have a family or that you do have your health, whatever it is, it might be something that seems small and inconsequential in that moment.

but those things are powerful and being able to focus on that stuff might allow you to say something like best job I ever had, even when in that moment it might be actually the worst job you've ever had, but there's something there that you can grab onto. final question for you guys, what do you guys do? Is this something that you're aware of? Are there ways that you incorporate renewing your mind into your life? Is this something that you do in a different way? If so,

If you're listening to this on the audio version, jump over to YouTube. The link is in the show notes for our YouTube channel and write us a comment there on this episode on the video version of it. I would love to hear what other tools you guys have for, for doing just this, because I know that there are those of you in the audience who are well aware of this and who this isn't new for you. And you've probably got an idea. So do us that favor. Like I said, the video version of this podcast is over on YouTube. If you're just listening to it on the audio and

We'd appreciate hearing from you over there. It's easier for us to.

Nole (31:03.96)
field comments respond to stuff over there. It's not really happening at this point because there's like eight people watching the YouTube, which is totally fine. But for those eight people, we are putting that out. So let me know what you think. I'd appreciate your feedback.

Nole (31:22.072)
This has been the Fire You Podcast.

Nole (31:35.586)
And you know what time it is. It's time to talk about the fire up program. Our next class is coming up in May, mid May. I believe it's the 15th, 16th and 17th. I can never keep the day straight because we do these on a pretty regular basis. But the link for signing up is in the show notes. You can also just go to fireupprogram.org and you can see we have two classes up right now. One in May, one in October. The class in May is filling up fast. Right now.

We have six, maybe five slots left, tickets left. So if you're on the fence, if you're thinking about it, now is the time to sign up. This one is filling up quick. Got a lot of the original cadre members coming out to this one. May is always a great class. We always get great weather. If you're concerned about the mountain weather, it's not going to be cold. It's not going to be snowing. And almost, almost guarantee it'll be sunny and nice. So when you get in that ice bath, it won't be too bad to get back out.

and warm yourself back up. But if you're thinking about it in May, you better go sign up now because we do have to cap it. You've heard me say it before. Keep this thing small on purpose. And we do have a hard ceiling threshold, the amount of guys that we can take for this class. So go get signed up before those six spots get sold. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next week.