When Love Isn't Enough: Revelations on Dating

In this first episode from my new space, we’re closing out the season on dating  with a very vulnerable and honest conversation.

I share my experience of being in love this year — the passion, the heartbreak, the clarity, the spiritual lessons, and the awakening that came from finally sitting with my emotions instead of running from them.

This episode dives into:

Why the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every connection you have
How fears show up in dating, and can possibly make or break the connection
Understanding someone’s capacity vs. your desires
Why ignoring red flags is really ignoring yourself
How to prepare your heart + nervous system to receive the love you pray for
Choosing yourself without closing yourself off to love
Why singleness is a sacred season, not a waiting room
Moving from the Piscean age of obligation into the Aquarian age of authenticity
Respecting yourself more than you respect the peace
Integrating lessons instead of just ‘learning’ them

We talk healing. We talk love. We talk evolution.
And yes — we talk about the moment my ex popped up again after 3 years during Mercury retrograde 
(No, I did not take her back. But clarity? Oh yeah.)

This episode is a love letter to anyone who has ever loved deeply, lost deeply, and chosen to rise anyway.

Mentioned in the episode:
My poetry book Liquid Love — 60+ pages of my evolution in love: infiniteinlove.com

If you’re ready for a heart-centered, spiritually grounded conversation about love, self-worth, and what it really means to listen to your heart — this episode is for you.

Transcript

Ahmani: 0:05

What is good? What is up, my lovely, beautiful guys, cows, and non-binary pals. Great to be in your ear, penetrating your mind, loving on it. If you're here for the first time, welcome. If you're coming back, welcome to my new space. I got a new crit episode. Yeah, it's the first episode here. Just a quick recap on the season that we're in right now, which is relationships and dating. This season is coming to an end. But let's talk about it first. But before we get into all of that wild, hold on. Let's start with some nice, deep, slow, relaxing, press channel. I'd like to do I'd like to start my podcast off with some meditation. Because we're having an intellectual conversation. This is a podcast. This is a conversation for the intellectuals, with the intellectuals. So let's just take a moment to press it. And uh we're gonna do three press. I want to do three press, like let's just keep it going. Like inhale for six seconds, exhale in six seconds. Let's hold for three seconds of between the breaths. So we're inhale for six seconds, hold it three seconds, exhale six seconds, seconds, hold it three seconds, and I want you to connect with your body to an end, be present. Whatever worries, doubts that you have, forget about that alright. I want you to forget about it for forever, hopefully that those things get solved. But this is time to be present. We're in this present moment together, which is such a beautiful space to be in. So I'm just gonna focus my breath on just being present and intentional with what I'm saying so I can allow this energy to continue flowing through me so that we can continue to have a lovely conversation and whatever intentions you would like. Just have that in your mind. Shake off anything that uh I'm over here like dancing. I've been going like bat and everything, but okay, yeah. Shake out some stuff, get that out. You ready? You ready? Okay, inhale. Six seconds. Hopefully you can hear my snaps. I'm gonna help guide us. Okay, inhale. Hold it. Exhale. Got excited. All right, hold it, inhale. Hold it, release. One more big inhale, deep intention, inhale. Hold it. Yes, my gosh. After these breaths, I just want to do like that cocaine, like woo, like you know. I'm really just high off life. Feels good, you know, it really feels good to be alive, and especially right here, right now, and the sun's hitting me so nice. But back to our conversation, right? Because I started the season off with the ideas of just being curious about relationships and dating, right? So I'm like, okay, let's talk about relationships, let's talk about dating, let's talk about what that means. And that has changed over the past couple of months, uh, since when I first started the season back in I want to say April, March. Not quite sure. But earlier this year, I started the season off with just that pure curiosity of just like, let me see what this is all about, right? Because I was really um stepping back into the dating scene, coming back from uh just like a long time of healing. And um I just was curious because I'm like, okay, I feel like I'm ready. So let me test this out. And I said that we're gonna end this kind of season right now because I fucked around and I found out. I fucked around and I found out. I mean, to really sum it up for you, and we're gonna go into this. I learned that the number one most important thing that I need to learn within relationships and dating is I need to have a really good relationship with myself first. Like, really good. That's what I learned, really. Like, you know, I think you know, that curiosity I started off with, it was great. You know, I I love that curiosity that I have. It's like a childlike wonder. And if I like go back and I look at my podcast episode um there, like I can just see it in my eyes. It's like, you know, I was so ignited by the curiosity. And, you know, that's good. That was experimentation mode. And now I'm like kind of like, okay, wrote down all the results, all the notes. So this is what this episode is about, where I've dated, I've experienced and experienced different relationships, different connections. Let's talk about it. So back to that point that I said of the number one relationship that I learned that I really needed to have was with myself. Because I just think I placed a little bit too much importance on other people. And you know, this time, man, I really needed this. I really needed this. Like, gosh, like I'm a heartbroken. I needed that. I needed that deeply, actually, and that's what I was most afraid of. I was scared today. I was scared to be in a relationship because I was scared of getting my heartbroken again. I felt like I had just gone through years of healing, which I did. I didn't I have my first relationship back in 2019. We broke up in 2022. Um, I was the first and like only relationship I've had for two years. And uh it took me a while to heal from that. Like I was holding on to a lot of anger, a lot of grief, a lot of anguish. I was just really heartbroken, and it took me a while just to process and sit with all those feelings and still have the courage to love at the end of the day. And I would say it took about until this year for me really to like gain that courage of like, okay, I want to go out, I want to love again. And that's what I did. I went out and I loved again. Guys, I'm not even gonna lie to you. I've experienced such such an amazing sense of love, such a higher sense of love, really. Like the love that I've experienced this year has really been nothing short of tremendous, nothing short of phenomenal. Like, I have literally had love that I wrote stories about, that I've wrote poems about, and I just published a poetry book, Liquid Love, cop it, check it out. I'll mention it in the description. 60 pages of revolution and evolution of love right there. But back to my point of yes, I've had this amazing love that I've experienced this year, and I can't say that it's ended, but I can tell you what that connection brought me, even though we're not speaking anymore. And this is a sense of a subject, right? Because when we're talking about love and we're talking about heartbreak and we're talking about relationships and like the things that I've actually experienced. Like, this is not no theories anymore. The first episode was this is me actually having an experience and just coming to share my story. And what I've been processing a lot. Well, it's been a lot that I've been processing. What I've been processing a lot is a lot, and that is very true. Um a lot of truths can be true at once. I think that's one of the biggest things I've been processing a lot. But then um my journey is learning that you can have a lot of love for someone, you can have a lot of chemistry for with someone, and you can have a lot of uh amazing history and moments with someone. But that doesn't mean that y'all should be together, right? That y'all necessarily have to be together at this moment. And uh with us right now, not in connection or not speaking, you know, I've been really sitting with that. And some days it's really good. Some days I'm like, I'm good, you know, like I'm just grateful for the experience, I'm grateful for the love, I'm grateful for everything that came about from that. And then some days I I get up and I just keep replaying everything, you know, and it hurts. And I'm like, trying to get to the bottom of that hurt. Because at first, when that hurt and that pain was coming up, I would try to deny it. Like, money, you know, like be alright, you know, like move on to the next one. There's another one waiting for you. Gotta keep going. Charge it to the game. That worked for a little bit, but it just kept coming back up. It kept coming back up. And that's what it'll do. Things will just keep coming back up until you really face it. And at first, you know, after we stopped talking, yeah, just try to mask it. I tried to avoid it, and I tried to be like, you know what, it's okay. You know, another one will be there, you know, but nah, like I've been sitting with it. I've sat with my pain. I've sat with that heartbreak. Just wide open. You know, I'm like, okay, this is all I want to think about right now. All right, let it be all that I'm gonna think about right now. What is it trying to tell me? And this is when the healing really has started to take place within my life. When I really embraced the heartbreak, when I really embraced this pain. I said, what are you trying to tell me right now? I didn't choose myself. Within the connection that I was in a lot of times. Because like I said, I started the season off with like a curiosity of like, okay, like what is dating? Like, how can I connect with another person? But I really didn't have a strong basis and uh root rooted within what I really wanted. Because I didn't know, or at least I thought I didn't. And I was afraid. I was afraid at first, I was afraid of commitment because I didn't want to commit to the wrong person. I was afraid of getting my heartbroken, I was afraid of failure, I was afraid of rejection. So I went into this connection with all these fears, and uh it really played out like that because relationships are also just a mirror of ourselves, it's a space for authentic co-creation of self. And that's why I said I'm so grateful at the end of the day. Like even when I express this pain, it just brings about a greater sense of appreciation for it all. Because that journey reflected and remembered it mirrored a lot of beautiful parts of myself. Like I said, like that love was so tremendous. She was Leo, and uh, I'm a Leo Ryzen. So I really felt like that connection brought out a lot of like really the best of me, you know, like just the talented nature that I have. She had that as well. Just the confidence and um all the love within, you know, like I don't think it was a question of if we loved each other at all. We loved each other very deeply. We both fell in love with each other, and it was it was deep, it was passionate. We were both fire signs, okay? I'm speaking from a Sagittarius with my experience with the Leo, right? So it was by year. The passion was there, the love was there, the chemistry was there, we had it. But also a lot of the wounds that we both carried were there as well, like the fear. She had just come out of a three-year relationship. She was a little bit scared of being in a relationship, and so was I. And um, as well as just the fear of the unknown, right? Like humans, we beg for so much for connection and for this love and for you know being understood, and it's one thing to kind of be in that sense of longing, right? Because then we mesmerize that, especially me as a writer, as a poet, as an artist, I make so much art from that longing, from that wanting, right? But then what happens when you actually get what you've been longing for? What happens when you get what you've been craving for, what you've been praying for? If you have not prepared your nervous system, your body, your mindset, your total being for that shift, you're not going to be able to really accept it. You're not going to be able to embrace it because you're still in that longing state. So then when you get what you've been longing for, when you get what you've been praying for, it's hard to hold it. When you're still thinking that it doesn't exist. That was big. That was a big breakthrough that I've been learning on how to shift my entire mindset, my entire nervous system. To really receive the things that I've been asking for to really go out and prepare what I say I want. So I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready at the time because like I said, I sacrificed a lot of myself in in different ways. Um when I wasn't standing in my truth, when I wasn't grounded, when I wasn't rooted, when I put the other person before myself a lot of times. I wasn't speaking up for myself. I wasn't I was choosing myself. I stayed silent a lot of times when I could have expressed myself and expressed my truth and how I really felt. I lowered down when I was supposed to rise up a lot of times. And that connection brought me a lot because that connection was really asking me to be true, to be authentic. Because I think that we both kept in mind that space that we were creating and really trying to be as intentional as we could at that time. But there was things that we both needed to go through. So here I am. Yeah, that's funny because now, like here I am. I was like, okay, recognizing that, recognizing the growth, recognizing the stages, recognizing these points and these shifts that needed to happen, right? To just tell you and to relate it unto you. Because whether you're single right now, and let me say this, cherish it. That's what I've been learning to do. Cherish this space of singleness. If you are single right now, embrace it. Fall in love with being single, because you know what? This might be the last time that you're single. Embrace this. Because then you're gonna look back on this and be like, yeah, I remember when I was single, I used to do this, that, and that. And this is gonna set the foundation, the foundation of all of your relationships when you date. This is the most important time. And if you're dating right now, which I'm not sure if you are, I mean, well, yeah. I mean, this is a season of dating and relationships. I'm not sure what I'm gonna name this episode right now. So if you're dating, then I also want to say this to anybody so that they can really we can love more. So that we can love more authentically. Cause what's even more funnier is recently, right? Mercury retrograde right now, guys. Be careful. My ex popped back up. We hadn't spoken for three years. Since 2022. We had a conversation that lasts for hours. Crazy, right? But listen, okay. Listen, listen, listen, before anybody crucifies me and be like, whoa, did you take your ex back? No, hold on. Not that, not that. We just, you know, had a conversation about some things and it was really good. We I needed that as well. I really needed that clarity. And um, yeah, I would just say clarity because I still kind of don't really believe in the idea of closure or that other people can really give me closure, but it sure did provide a hell of a lot of clarity on everything, and uh I feel so much more at peace with everything to know that we both shared a phenomenal, a phenomenal sense of love, and we both embrace and we both still remember each other throughout all the little things in life, you know, like you know, all the little things, and it was really good to share that sense of love and to share that sense of appreciation from even a more healed and evolved state after the pain. After the pain, shut up, baby, right? Um, that was beautiful, and I was even giving her some like advice that I've been learning lately because she is kind of like in a situation ship, and to anybody that's out there in a situation ship, even if you're dating, I think the most important part is just to really listen to your partner. Really listen if we're going to love each other, and if we're going to be in connections with each other and be authentic and prioritize our authenticity over the systems that were, right? Because I feel like we're moving out of this time in love where uh we're sacrificing to be with each other, you know. That was the boomers generation, right? That that was the old system, the Piscean age, where we just wanted to be, you know, with someone for the sense of security, for the sense of uh a title or whatever status quo symbol, you know. That was also like that patriarchy type shit. Those systems are outdated as fuck. We're moving out of those systems, we're not in that age anymore. We're in the age of Aquarius, we're moving out of that Piscean age, back into uh can I say back into the age of Aquarius. And I've seen discussions from this from other astrologers as well, where it's like we're all all of us collectively are prioritizing truth, freedom over the sense of being in a relationship for security, or because you know, this is the standard, you know, like, oh, you know, you should be married by this age and have kids by this age. No, fuck that. Why? We have autonomy over our bodies, we have a say-soul over what we choose in life, and we don't have to just go with the narrative that's been handed to us. We're flipping the script. So right now, I've been really choosing myself, choosing freedom, choosing that choice that I have over my life. I don't need somebody else's narrative to dictate what I do in life. Fuck that. Right? So we're all collectively going to continue to embrace this sense of freedom, to embrace this free uh sense of truth as we go about our connections and our dating. I think it's really important, really, really important to listen. Because a lot of the times people will tell us exactly, exactly their intentions. They will tell us who they are, they will tell us what they need, they will tell us where they're at. I don't think we're listening enough. And even that, let me take it one step further. We may hear them, we may listen to them, and then we still choose to ignore them because of what we want. So this is what I've learned. It's important to do both, right? Because at the beginning of this connection, I listened. I did. I know she told me she wasn't ready for relationship. I know she told me that she had just got out of a three-year relationship. I know she told me that she was, you know, going through some things mentally, financially, and stuff like that. And I accepted all that. I listened to her, and I was still supposed to be there because I'm like, I still just want to talk to you. I enjoy our conversations, I enjoy your presence, I enjoy our connection and whatever it is or whatever it may be, I just wanted to see it through. I listened to her, but also in my mind, kind of still have my own agenda. I knew that I wanted a relationship, I knew that I wanted something serious. I know that I'm not a casual, usually just go with the flow type guy. There's nothing really casual about me. My love is extraordinary. You know, my passion is so intense. There's no casuality within my love, right? So if I would have listened, I would have listened to her capacity. And I would have really understood that. I would have really understood her capacity at the time. And I would have never continued on the way I did. Because had I really listened to her capacity of love, I would have knew we wouldn't, we would have ended to this point at some point because she did not have the capacity to accept the love. And it's not taking it personally, and I've learned not to take it personally because, you know, at first I was kind of beating myself up like, damn, you know, like all this love I poured into her, all this time, all this energy, you know, and I was questioned, does she even appreciate it? Did she even feel it? Was all this shit even real? Was it true? Blah blah blah, you know, pointing the finger, pointing the finger when I should have been looking back at myself, of knowing that I moved with love, you know, and I gave so much love, and I believe we did share true authentic love and like it was real. It was real for sure. But I just don't think that we were both really in the space to really embrace and receive that because going back to as I said, you have to really listen to others and yourself. If I was really strong and in that knowing of what I wanted, I would have accepted the fact that she said, Hey, I'm not ready right now, but would have also accepted the fact that I said, I am. Because I went into the season with saying, Hey, I'm ready today. Hey, I'm ready to see what this is about. Hey, I'm ready to grow with someone long term. But I would have really been rooted in that knowing, of knowing that I was really looking and I really wanted to express that love that comes with longevity, that love that comes with knowing, that love that that comes with clarity, that love that that comes from a sense of strong rooted deep communion with commitment, I would have understood that we were missing line. And I would have listened to it and I would have let it go. So that brings up a lot of parts that I learned how I didn't choose myself in a lot of instances. And looking back, it's been empowering. It's been empowering, and I've gone back to my childhood where I wasn't chosen in childhood because anything that shows up now, it always goes back to childhood. Literally anything. You go and do some shit right now. Think about the patterns that may have happened within your childhood, and I promise you, you will find the trigger of these events. Going back to my childhood where I didn't feel chosen as a child, where I felt like I was being put, well, that others were being put over me, and that I had to perform in a way in order to be seen, or that I had to act or say things and and jeopardize what I really wanted in order to, you know, please my mom, you know, or whatever. You know, I've learned that that's that was showing up again. That was repeating. I wasn't chosen as a child. I felt like I was being put over other that other people were being put over me. That I wasn't being put first. I didn't have that say-so as a child to really advocate for myself. I didn't have that say-so as a child to really express that, you know. But even in my last episode where I've learned the need for boundaries, the the need to advocate for yourself. Because we didn't really always have that choice as a kid. But we can now, we have that choice now, so it's important to use that. It's so important to use that. So I've been learning so much about that space and going back to everything. And um, I just want to really encourage everybody to listen to others and to also listen to yourself. Know your truths, stand for it, right? And I had to really sit with that. I had to sit with that because it's also something like like I said, I hadn't dated for a long time, so I really didn't know what I didn't know. And that's what relationships do, they trigger you. They trigger you because you're not, you can do all this healing, all the healing in the world, but it's gonna be a whole different story when you. Actually, get in a relationship because that's the practice. That's like studying. You know, you can study all day you want to learn how to how to um drive a car. But it takes you having to drive that car in order to truly learn, okay, this is how to drive a car. Because you can't really just study your way into driving a car, you gotta do it in order to really learn how to do it. So relationships are gonna test you in ways that you don't really know, right? And you're gonna learn things that you didn't even know that you needed to learn, and you're gonna find out truths that you didn't even know that you were lying up to yourself about. I'm gonna coin that term. Relationships are on a space for authentic co-creation. That's what I wrote down in my notes. When I was like uh writing about what I've learned from dating, these are the notes that I've um learned. Like I said, number one, learning the relationship that my with myself is the most important relationship. It is the foundation of every single relationship that I will ever be in, that I wouldn't ever have, that I will ever explore the foundation with myself. The relationship that I have with myself is the most important because the relationship that I have with myself is really just going to be a mirror of any relationship I have outside of myself, even though nothing is really outside me because we are all one, right? It's going to be a reflection of that. If I'm not loving myself, if I'm not choosing myself, how can I expect anybody else to love and choose me? If I'm not putting myself first, how would I expect anybody else to? And usually people won't because they're putting themselves first. You know what I'm saying? So it's thinking back to all these things of like, okay, learning that I'm the foundation. And if anything is misaligned within me, nobody else can fix that. It's nobody else's responsibility to heal me. It's my responsibility. Yes, they may trigger me to heal, but that's my responsibility to heal. I can't offload my healing onto anybody else. And I think that's really selfish for anybody else to think that you know you can go into a relationship and just try to offload your healing onto anybody else. You can't. They would trigger you to heal, but that's just the work that you need to do. So let's not put that on anybody else. Nobody else's responsibility to heal you, but you some other notes that I've uh I took down was uh respecting myself. Respecting myself more. Oh yeah. God has really toughened me up this year. God has really, really toughened me up this year. I've been putting into a lot of situations that really tested my response. I was speaking with somebody. I would love to get on a podcast. We manifest in it. Let's get shit on the podcast. But I was speaking with someone um about this, she was lovely lately, um, about being like triggered in um I'm trying to go back to the exact conversation that we had about this. Um but it's basically like there are infinite possibilities, right? Like if we live in a world of infinite possibilities where anything, like literally anything can happen, right? Oh yeah, because we were talking about like free will and like um like violence and stuff like that, and like community. So coming from that perspective, like okay, if anything is possible and we have um, we can choose whatever we want, right? We can choose our reality, we can choose this infinite number of possibilities and options that exist. If there are infinite choices and there are infinite possibilities, why do we need to result to violence? Right? Because if there is an infinite number of solutions, why would we immediately go to violence? Think about it. I can think about it. Sometimes I feel like I need to choose violence. I think that's on purpose. I've been put into a lot of situations this year. I feel like people really have been playing with me. Because I allowed them to. The year of endings. And this is my life path number as well. So it's a lot of a lot of transformations, a lot of realizations, a lot of doors that's been closing. I feel like a lot of people have been fucking playing with me and testing my patience this year. I always came with this old like uh let me, you know, be respectful and like love and light type shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I've learned is people want their respect so much, but they don't always give it. People would die on this hill of respecting themselves and this being this and that, but they can't even give it. And in those instances, I've been tested because I've still been trying to maintain the peace, maintain the respect that I always have for others, even when I don't get respected and I don't get that back. Right? But I really learned I gotta respect myself so much more. So much more. So much more than just me trying to keep the peace. And I'm not saying that violence is the answer. I'm saying truth in myself is the answer. Because it's been instances where people have owed me money, right? And I'm not trying to get too rowdy because I hate chasing people down about my money. Let me not say hate because I don't like to use that word, but I don't like chasing people down about stuff that they know. You know what I'm saying? Like, companies, like, man, you know this enforce was due 30 days ago. Pay me my money. The service is already completed. I would never, you know, like just give me my money. And you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just been like people like that, businesses or like, you know, other people that just think they could talk to me in a certain kind of way. We've gotten into people, but like in those instances, I've been learning to respect myself so much more than the version of me that's still trying to keep the peace, than the version of me that's still trying to yield and comfort them and and be there. I gotta respect myself so much more, and I've been learning to do that. And that's been healing. That's been really empowering to learn how to break a lot of like those trauma loops, a lot of that people pleasing, you know, to like really stand up for myself and be like, yo, that ain't cool. I don't have to stay silent in times like that, you know, to just keep the peace or because I don't want to be awkward or disturbed. No, you disturb me. Don't talk to me like that. No, you're fucking with my my mindset. You're trying to come in between my peace. You ain't finna come back and think you can just speak to me any kind of way or do me any kind of way and not pay me back and not you know. Respect myself more than the peace that I'm trying to keep. Fuck that. I'm gonna be at peace wherever I go. If you're not bringing me peace, if you're not bringing that, you gotta go. You have to go. I respect myself so much more now. Way more. Gosh, I was not respecting myself a lot of times. I'm so grateful I've been triggered in places like this where I feel like people have been playing on my top and people just been doing me any kind of way, talking to me any kind of way, because I allowed that because I'm trying to keep the piece, because I'm trying to be all love and light, and oh, I don't want, you know, to hurt people's feelings. But where was that consideration when when they were doing that to me? I learned to stop forgetting shit, starting to remember a lot of things, and that's a part of the awakening, right? Like that's what they say. We don't really learn new things, we just remember it all. Because if we are the pure form of creation, and we are all entwined and one with one another, and everything that ever was is all that there will ever be, then we already have everything that we need, right? Like the space is just foundational, right? Of like, okay, if we're all, then all is one, and then we're the one and all. You know what I'm saying? Like then everything has always been here, and so all the information, all the you know, DNA downloads, whatever, we're just remembering. That's a part of the awakening, is remembering. So I've really been learning to remember a lot of shit. Remember who I am, remember what people are doing, remember everything. That's been important. That's been important to break out of a lot of the trauma loops and the cycles that I feel like have been repeating in my life and showing up over and over and over and over again. Because it's gonna show up until we break it. I said a prayer this morning. I'm gonna end this uh podcast episode with a prayer. But it's for us all to break out of these trauma loops and these repeating cycles. Because we've had enough of those stories. We've had enough of the stories where poverty has been holding us in shackles. We've had enough of the uh cycles where, you know, keeping uh just lowering yourself, lowering yourself in order to allow others to step over us. We've had enough of those cycles. We've had enough of these repeating stories of losing, of being held captive, of being held back, of being hurt and not getting back up. We've had enough. I've had enough. Okay. It's done. These cycles have been cleared because we're learning this lesson. And not only that, because it's one thing to learn a lesson, but it's another thing to integrate those lessons. What do I mean by that? We can learn something, but not integrate it. Because integration looks like making it a part of your life, practicing that, utilizing that, right? Because we're we we live in an age with so much information available to us at hand, right? We could learn fucking Mandarin right now. I can teach you some Thai right now. Your numbers one through ten. I can teach you all that. But if you're not integrating that into your life, what good is the information? It's useless because you're not integrating, you're not utilizing it. So I want to leave that, leave off with that first before I lead into our prayer, which is okay, we've been learning these lessons. I've been learning these lessons. These are all the lessons that I've been learning of respecting myself, of having a foundation, a foundational relationship with myself first, choosing myself, standing in my powers, knowing my truth, listening to others, listening to myself, knowing and learning what I need. Right? I've learned these things. So grateful for that. How have I been integrating this though? That's the real question. Well, I feel like I've been integrating my lessons by the daily practice. When I wake up and something is on my mind, someone, I listen. I'm saying, okay, this is coming up for me. She's on my mind. Maybe I feel a little hurt. Why am I feeling hurt? Oh, okay, I'm feeling hurt today because she she still hasn't reached out to me. Because I'm thinking about that response as she said two months ago. Because I'm questioning something. Okay. And then I dive deeper into like, okay, what was that trying to tell me? Like, what is this trying to tell me? I listen. I listen. And that's how I've gotten to all these things. That's how I've gotten to all these realizations of of waking up sometimes and just feeling hurt and feeling in pain or feeling embarrassed or you know, feeling played. I listen to that. I'm saying, well, what what was that really trying to tell me? Well, I don't feel chosen. I am chosen though. I'm the chosen one. You cannot choose the chosen. I choose myself. And I go out and I choose myself. Yesterday. I was like, you know what? Or actually, was that yesterday? No, it was the day. The day before. Friday. Yeah, it was Friday. Friday, you know? I wanted that sense of intimacy. I wanted to feel loved. I woke up and I just didn't feel loved. Thinking about her again. I'm like, Money, what do you what do you really need? I want to feel loved. I want to feel held. I want to feel wanted. I thought, okay, you know what? I'm gonna make sure today is your day. Today is gonna be your day. So you know what I did that day? I made sure I loved myself profoundly. Vividly. I talked to myself in my journal. I looked myself in the mirror, told myself how much I love myself, how much I choose myself. I went out and I got a massage. Beautiful massage. Great. 90 minutes. I got my haircut. Went out on a romantic dinner to talk with some great but amazing people. I chose myself. That's what I wanted to. I wanted to hear that. I needed myself to choose me. I was looking for her to choose me where she had, nowhere to be found. So who's gonna do it? Me. That's how I integrate. And every day. Still choosing me. Today I was like, you know what? I've been having a message on my heart. I've been having this message on my spirit. I've been wanting to do a podcast episode for forever. I'm still not completely set up in my studio, in my space right now. But I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna do this. Because I'm choosing that. And I woke up today and thought about her again. I had a dream about her. I prayed. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. Y'all, this prayer really healed me. I'm not sure about post-prayer. But maybe I'll post some form of the prayer. But it was really a deep prayer, just about breaking cycles, about breaking loops, about even uplifting her, about uplifting lineages, about lifting the entire world with this season and this spirit of being healed. Because I think so, I just was so caught up in this in the sense of healing, healing, healing. No, I proclaimed that I am healed. I spoke over Mother Earth. I spoke over Father God. I spoke over everybody. And I'm I know you feel that energy. Because boy, that prayer was deep. That prayer was so deep. And that's why I knew I needed to come on this podcast today. I'm like, oh yeah. I'm speaking into the void of existence, and I'm just igniting the pure flow of success and prosperity on all beings on this planet. I need to use my voice, and I need to do this podcast episode. Integration, man. Integration. It's a daily practice, it's a daily habit, and every day. It's a practice. I've been practicing. I've been doing my work, and I'm gonna continue to do my work. And um I still wish her the best. This episode is not really about her. This is about me, you know. But my journey of love, my journey of evolution has been one that is great, one that is extraordinary. I literally documented this with uh almost 10 years of evolution of love in my book, Liquid Love, is literally a little over 60 pages of my evolution of love, of self-love, of loving others. You know, is it's really beautiful. It's really beautiful. Every time I reread my book, I'm like, wow, and I can't wait to have the printed copy. So I can come on here and show y'all hey, get this liquid love. But you can go and get the printed copy. It's gonna be on my website, infiniteinlove.com. Go get it, $12.99. Not shipping and hand on, but it's gonna be a great spark of evolution to the entire universe because my prayers, my writings, my words, my sight, my presence is a revolution within itself, and may you be as well. I'm gonna leave off today with this prayer that I wrote back in the beginning of November. It's a love prayer. Because right now, I am going to end this season of dating. But we're gonna talk about different kind of relationships. But uh, that's gonna be a little bit of surprise because now I'm gonna have guests coming on here. But I would just say for now, we'll just kind of uh end up dating in the bud for for now. Because like I said, I've learned that the most important relationship that I had I am dating right now is myself. I'm dating my single self right now. And uh, shall anything change? Then uh it shall change, but it always changes, so it's always gonna change. And this is my suspended love, and this is my show, and who fucking knows? I can do anything, whatever. I might come back on here tomorrow and say, hey guys, let's talk about this new relationship. I don't know. Come on. We're gonna end this off with a love prayer because, nevertheless, I think it's important to speak healing and it's important to speak power over our hearts. We have to pray over our hearts. Love is something to not take for granted. Love is so powerful, and if you feel led to the God in me, will speak to the God in you in order to ignite our hearts within this love prayer, to in order to send protection, in order to spend healing and proclaim that we are healed over our hearts and over our love, over our connections and over our relationships. Pray over this, use your words. Like I said, if you feel led, please join me in this prayer, this love prayer. I speak over my connection to love and the connection to those I love. May my heart be uplifted so I may continue to uplift others. Thank you for freeing my heart of any and all fear, hate, guilt, and resistance, God in me. I'm grateful my heart has been set free so I may experience pure, vivid, unconditional love. I'm so grateful that my loved ones are also opening their hearts and experiencing a greater sense of love. A love that frees them. A love that nurtures them and a love that sees them and uplifts them from where they are now. I'm so grateful for the greater experience of love that is now shifting me and the entire universe. Amen. Amen, amen, amen, amen. Amani, infinite love to all of y'all. Infinite, infinite love, and I say that with the most infinite love, the infinite love. Because infinite love is here, and. Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? You have Amani's infinite love. Go out there and love infinitely, love authentically, and love you. Yourself first. Infinite love people. Don't forget to cop a first copy of my book, Luke with love. Until next time. Namaste. Infinite love. Ciao, I think.