On this episode of the podcast I am joined by my beautiful partner Chloe. We spend the episode answering the questions our followers have sent in.
Learn about:
- Navigating arguments as high level entrepreneurs
- How Chloe and I met
- What it's like to hold each other's projections
& so much more.
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
On this episode of the podcast I am joined by my beautiful partner Chloe. We spend the episode answering the questions our followers have sent in.
Learn about:
- Navigating arguments as high level entrepreneurs
- How Chloe and I met
- What it's like to hold each other's projections
& so much more.
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/mindsetupgrade
Join The Community Here: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/communitymembership
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
I was like is quality time my favorite thing? I'm like I want to spend time with you. So that was the thing that triggered me. Hey, everyone, welcome back to the podcast, and I have brought on my fabulous, darling girlfriend, who occasionally is a pain in the side, but most of the time she's pretty much perfect. So we just wanted to have this podcast and have a bit of a chat with you guys, especially in regards to how we live our lives as couples and managing like we both manage companies and entrepreneurs and how we do that together. Also how we communicate and just some tools around mindset and money and business growth, which I think would be like really entertaining. You've got a bunch of questions from people in your audience, so I think we're going to answer a couple of Chloe's questions first and then whatever comes up we're going to start getting into it.
Speaker 2:Can we just do the how we Met one first?
Speaker 1:Okay, but firstly thank you for coming on to the show. That's right. Again, it's been a hot minute.
Speaker 2:So I'm excited to have you on the first one. It was like three years ago, two years ago, yeah, yeah, yeah, so you should have me on more. It should be a segment, bro. Um, okay, the first, like 100 questions I always get asked about how we met and longer story short social media. I actually followed cory. First he was on a podcast. No, he interviewed somebody that I knew on his podcast when he first moved to the Gold Coast and from there I just followed him, but I was actually seeing someone else at the time and he was also seeing someone else at the time too, but I just listening to him on the podcast. I was like I've never heard somebody speak this way, like as a guy.
Speaker 1:I don't think you were seeing someone at the time I was, what do you? Mean Because I wasn't seeing anyone at the time. Awkward, yeah, I swear it was.
Speaker 2:This is the same story I tell every single time.
Speaker 1:No, because you'd finished with J word ages before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, see, he had a J name. That's where I took the L.
Speaker 1:That was like quite a while before.
Speaker 2:Or maybe when you saw my podcast, you might have been seeing that, yeah, maybe. Okay, anyway, long story short doesn't even matter, we're just gonna. We've started arguing already. This is a really good start. Um, yeah, so we just followed each other.
Speaker 1:Then he slid into my dms and I left him on red a couple times, and now we're here, two years later yeah, well, just to put that like into perspective, because I teach a lot of men this right and a lot of guys have this goal for success and achievement and one of the things that encapsulate that is having a partner like one of the reasons why they want to be successful and achieve so much is because that they like one thing we find out and set the standard is because they want to find you know the one and as a guy, your value increases if you are really confident, and most men find confidence through success, money, mindset and and achievement.
Speaker 1:And it was sort of the same thing when I was approaching you, because it wasn't a coincidence, it wasn't like me and Chloe just met. I was intentionally doing a lot of personal work and personal growth work. Obviously, I have set the standard community. I don't know exactly what I wanted in a woman and I was like I had literally. I was like essentially interviewing people, I would talk to them on Instagram, I was showing up on social media.
Speaker 2:When you tell this I low-key, don't like it because it sounds like you literally would job interviewing me. I was he literally did, but like it sounds so much worse when you say it than it actually was, like it wasn't that bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I think it's like it wasn't that bad.
Speaker 2:yeah, well, I think yeah, yeah when you read, tell the story like.
Speaker 1:It sounds like you were freaking like interviewing 50 girls no, it really wasn't that many, um, it was just a few. Only 25. Yeah, only 25, but no so, because I was searching for the one and it took me like a year and a half I was not yeah.
Speaker 1:So it took me like two years as the guy, and I think like we take responsibility in that and I knew for sure that like hey, if I want to find the partner, I was trying all the dating apps like I didn't mind them, but I feel like you have to go through, like you know, search like thousands of people before you find like the one and I hate dating apps too, yeah, and then on social media, I think it's a lot more authentic if you are showing yourself on that.
Speaker 1:So again, the skills and the confidence to show up as myself on social media and on a podcast, I know exactly what I wanted and I put it out there. And it was interesting that you saw my podcast beforehand because then when I started reaching out cause I'm all, I like the look of this girl and I like how much she talks, so hopefully we have good conversation she still hasn't shut up three years later. Essentially, over doing all the work on myself and knowing exactly what you were talking to you, and over social media and Instagram, when we're talking back and forth, we're both leaving each other on red. She did it first and then I did it back to her being spiteful.
Speaker 2:That's a red flag. Yeah, right yeah it was.
Speaker 1:I was like no, well, like screw you, kind of thing. I was like see how this goes, because at the time I was like working on boundaries and then we jumped on for a phone call and we just got along so well.
Speaker 2:I was like, ooh, and you can when you meet someone when you skip the part where we did speak a little like eventually I stopped leaving him on red and then eventually he replied to me and then we were chatting a bit and then I don't know, you must have lost my number. I don't even remember that part yeah.
Speaker 1:So I remember us talking on the phone and we just didn't stop. We were just like usually my bedtime is like 8 8 pm and we're on to like 9, 9, 30, like getting close to 10 o'clock some nights, just talking on the phone because we love talking about like whatever we're talking about so much that we met in person. We had that chemistry and, yes, we kissed on the first day. So and like the whole time I was hanging out with you, I was like I just want to, I just want to kiss this girl. So there's like passion and chemistry straight from the start. But that was from my perception as to how we met as a guys.
Speaker 2:Like I knew exactly what I wanted because I'd worked on myself yeah, yeah, yeah, and I feel like a lot of people think that or how you know, and I get asked it all the time too. It's like how do you find your person and this and that. But, similarly to, as you said, I got quite lucky with you because you knew exactly what you wanted, whereas I knew partially what I wanted. But you just confirmed a lot for me. Where I was like literally, I just literally, I we clicked really fast, but in my head I was like oh, it's just another date, I'm gonna get there and he's gonna be another loser, another guy who thinks that I'm just like, literally. Oh my god, like every guy I saw before career was like oh, you're having fun with your little Instagram job, like whatever. And I was like here's another one.
Speaker 1:So I literally went in with no high hopes at all, and then it's been years later and we're still together, so do you feel like, though, in your position being a woman, though it's like you still there was a part of you that was open for a relationship. Oh, 100%.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't have gone on a date if I didn't want to Like I wanted a relationship. I just had been let down so many times in my experience with dating apps with different guys and also I put like I take responsibility for that because I was also choosing not the right people either.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like that's my own fault, yeah and one thing that attracted me to you as well was you were literally living your best life, like you were doing exactly what you wanted to do, what you loved, and you were hustling for it. And I was like because I wanted a partner who, when I think about I was like, oh, they're doing personal development, they know their stuff, they, you know, have their own business, so they know what it's like. I didn't want someone who's crazy amounts of you know success and business like anyone, like absolutely nuts, because it's like how they're gonna fucking rude about how they're gonna have time.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. So I don't want someone who's like, because if they're on the, come up like that I'm not crazy successful but no, you had, you had your own business. You're hustling really hard and your, your heart was in it and I could see that through your content and I was like, oh, this girl's gonna get me so and I got him.
Speaker 2:Guys, yeah, right date 12 hours long, I got him yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think, like answering that question, how we met, because I'm just presuming people like well, what do I need to do to meet someone? And it was like we both were working on ourselves and we both were committed to like our values, which is growth, status, finance, freedom, health. We all worked on those. So those just like worked really well for us.
Speaker 2:And I think also I was really open at the beginning and the amount of healing that I'd done, but also the amount of healing that I still had to go, and I think that that was very powerful from the beginning. Because that wants me to like bring me to the next question. And we've never answered this question or been asked this question, and now I'm so curious on what your answer is because low-key, I'm like um, where is it? Were there any red flags, worries or doubts you had with each other at the beginning?
Speaker 2:I love this um, mine, I think that I thought was a red flag is because Corey, for some people that aren't integrated and aren't really comfortable in themselves can sometimes come across as really arrogant. And he's not arrogant at all, he's just very, very confident and self-assured. But I think that there was a part of me at the beginning where, because I didn't know him, there was like part of me that was a little bit unsure. So there was like small things that he would say or that he would do that I was like is that because I had dated guys with big personalities prior but they were all like insecure little boys, whereas, like I'm dating a guy, that with a big personality, that was also a really secure man. So I was just like a little bit unsure. And then I don't feel like there was another red flag. I don't remember, I don't think it was a red flag.
Speaker 1:What are you going to say at me with that face? I'm like, oh my god, no, I'm scared. What he's gonna say? No, there's nothing. Um, I it's funny because I get that a lot in terms of personality, but I get it too, yeah. Yeah, we both get it. Yeah, and like some feedback that I get from friends or people that invest in the community is like I've seen your content, cory, and I think fuck this guy for all the things that he's doing and how he shows up.
Speaker 2:And then they're like, oh, whatever, whatever slice of the pie that Corey's had, I want a slice of that too on a very regular basis people dm me being like, hey, I just need to let you know I like hated you and I used, but then I couldn't stop watching all of your content and coming back and then wondering why I wanted to buy from you, and then I realized it was a me problem, not a you problem, and so it's like I think that we find comfort in each other in that, though, of like, both of us have been extremely misunderstood in our bigness and our, our confident personalities and and we are just both loud people in general, so I think we probably find comfort in each other in that too yeah, we'll accept each other for it.
Speaker 1:100 and it's not like there's many other people that I have met that's been able to hold me in my bigness. So, and the confidence in the self-insurance, because anyone who's who is slightly insecure is going to feel insecure about your strengths a thousand percent.
Speaker 2:So especially like being able to hold someone in a romantic relationship.
Speaker 1:In that standpoint, yeah, and I can speak a lot to the red flag thing as well, because part of one of the exercises that we do in set the standard is a manifest. Your dream partner and I'm very you got to do practice what you preach. So I remember going through and like writing a list of red flags that I would like my partner to have.
Speaker 2:That gives me the creeps.
Speaker 1:Right Of like, what are the weaknesses in the red flag?
Speaker 1:So when you started saying things to me that I was like, you know, for example, a red flag may be like a bad relationship with one parent per se, and for me I was like, well, I don't mind if that happens, because I wrote that down as a weakness, um, because I feel like my masculinity is strong enough to be able to compensate for that.
Speaker 1:So when I asked you questions, I intentionally wanted to know what the red flags were, so that in our relationship I wasn't going to have any surprises. And because we don't have any surprises now, we we don't have the uh like, especially if we get into an argument or something comes up and it triggers one of us, like that for me is already known, like I know that that was going to be there and I know why, and I've committed to this. So now I'm not worried or freaking out about is this relationship actually going to work? It's. This is a problem, problem. I chose this problem and we have to work on it together as a team to overcome it a thousand percent, but that's also because we were.
Speaker 2:We were both committed to our own self-development, our own self-growth. Prior to meeting each other, you were being that little bit older than me, I feel like that little bit further ahead than me, but we both, like, all the true colors and all the honesty was on the table within the first couple of dates. So exactly that. And I think like, yeah, it's like with a red flag, like if there was actually any quote unquote red flags, like we wouldn't have dated each other. You know what I mean. Like there's all the fun, there's the funny little bits and bobs and the things you question in each other. But if, like my quote unquote daddy issues had actually been a red flag for you, like you wouldn't have just kept seeing me.
Speaker 2:Like a year and a half into our relationship, I was moving house and I found a journal where I was manifesting my dream partner and every single fricking thing on that list is him. And I remember just being like, oh my God. So even before we dated I hadn't been intentional necessarily about like, oh, does he tick all my boxes? We vibed, we chatted, really well. I was like, yeah, let's just see what happens. But so funny, like even down to like celebrates me in all of my successes and in my bigness and the you know and and wants money as much as I do. Like I was so specific and I was like, oh my god, like yeah, wow, we love money. We do love money gives us choices, it gives us freedom.
Speaker 2:Um, okay, how long were you dating and were you exclusively dating each other before making it official? We like dated for like three months, cause we met at like the end of November and then he asked me to be his girlfriend so cute At the end of January, the following January. So, and yes, we I mean we were exclusively seeing each other. Oh my God, I'm like I don't know the answer to this. Yes, we were, and I feel like we made that pretty clear from the like. I don't think we had to like it was kind of obvious.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because once we started hanging out, we were like this is fucking fun, let's keep doing it.
Speaker 1:I also got insecure about it because I had some traumas and stuff and like felt comfortable enough and confident enough to ask you for that reassurance, even if the fear was, oh, I'm gonna make myself look weak or like lose control or whatever it is and I remember being like okay, I gotta ask this whereas in my perspective it's kind of hot because you're like were you seeing anyone else?
Speaker 2:like it's a little hint of like, if you are, I'm gonna be a bit upset, a bit upset about it. I'm like that's sexy, that's what.
Speaker 1:I like yeah, that's what I really like the quote A hundred percent commitment's a breeze, 99% commitment's a bitch. So if you're going to like for myself, if your intention is to find a partner and you want to lock down on one when you start seeing someone, just see that person, yeah. If your intention, because you don't want to get later on, and if if it is an issue, because some of my friends and some people that's not an issue, if it's like, oh, we're seeing each other, like that's completely not an issue and I have no emotional feelings about it.
Speaker 2:But I know for me I'd get triggered at that if I was like we're seeing each other and yeah, I do think it depends on the person, because I personally, like if we started seeing each other, went on a couple dates and it was going as well as it would, I genuinely would not have had the capacity to date anyone else.
Speaker 2:Like I'm like I can't even in my brain think about like one in my schedule. Where the freaking hell would I put another person versus two? Like I feel like I'm just someone that when I have that commitment and I do feel like it's different for girls or guys when I'm committed, even committed to the seeing where it goes, that's enough for me, whereas I do feel like some people can see multiple people at once and like this is a reminder for even the girls, but also the guys if that's a boundary for you, like don't apologize for that. I feel like I've worked with a lot of women who feel guilty for, even at the start of like only wanting to see someone that is only seeing one person, and I'm like I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's like if you're seeing someone that's seeing multiple people, that's that's just probably not your type of person and there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:What are the challenges that you see in regards to two couples who both own businesses, and, like in regards to me and you, like we both own businesses. So what are the challenges that you see in the relationship and and in business that that comes from dating someone and having your own business and they own their own business?
Speaker 2:I feel like nine times out of 10, if we really let ourselves, all we would talk about is our businesses because we love them. So I think that there's the and also we have. We both also work from home, so we live together. We go to the same gym, we work from home Like we spend, which I'm actually surprised we haven't killed each other yet.
Speaker 2:You're getting there. We spend so much time together and I feel like, yeah, if we don't pull ourselves up on it, we would probably work from like the minute we finish at the gym to the moment we go to bed and, like Corey, would just be like eating and working at the same time, doing 50 meetings a day and then, at the same time, like the communication and the lack of presence and quality time that we would spend. I feel like I hear that and then us personally is probably what we experience the most, which I feel like because we have honest communication, it's not really that big of an issue. It's just us bringing it to light of like, hey, you've been working a lot, I need presence, I need a date, I need this, and then it's fine, yeah, but also as well, like couples, we spend, we glue to the hip.
Speaker 1:Yeah, true, but most of the times, like when I go to the gym, you're not at the gym. Hell, no.
Speaker 2:I've got to spend some time by myself, drink my ice latte and go for a walk.
Speaker 1:So yeah, most of the time the mornings I spend are completely for myself, but I think, and then like we work and then we have the, a lunch or just talk together for a little bit in between work moving, and then in the afternoon when we finish we try to have like dinner together, depending on what our eating schedules are, and then we chat and go to bed. So and then weekends is when we really spend like quality time, because most of the time in the in the week we're like actually hustling and I'm full.
Speaker 2:I feel like we have to be intentional with that, though, because when I started seeing you, you were working on the weekends, like Saturday. You would go to the gym, train legs in the morning, come home, work the rest of the day, and I feel like, as we got more like that was feels like another lifetime ago, but as we have been more committed and more intentional with our relationship like I, if you did that now and to be fair, like I think I still worked when we were first seeing each other. I was living in brisbane and I still was working on a saturday as well. So I think there's a level where it's like it changes with the season too, and it's like I also think that there's this I remember someone dme once being like you promote hustle culture, and it's also this level where it's like you've just got.
Speaker 2:I don't believe there's a right or wrong way to do any relationship whatsoever, it's just does it work for the two of us? Can we still be the best humans possible? Can we still show up in all the things that we love and beauty of it is like, and again, why we're in a relationship. We have the same hobbies we love moving, we love going to get coffee, we love restaurants et cetera, so it's like we value the same thing.
Speaker 1:So the things that we decide to do in our everyday life are very, very similar, so I think that makes it easier as well. Yes, and coming both being business owners. Here's some of the dark sides and it's challenges. I find addiction to phone straight up it's like an addiction to my hand it is also trying to talk about anything other than business. Right, that's also being able to celebrate each other and not get jealous because we went through that at the start of the relationship a couple of times.
Speaker 1:Did we? Yeah, I did a bit remember. Yeah, but I didn't At the start, like we were all like kind of.
Speaker 2:The only time I get jealous is when his business gets more attention than I do, which is most of the time.
Speaker 1:And it was as well as like, and it was also attention on the individual, because our business is a very personal brand as well. So I remember like both of us having there was like jealousy that come around for like either one person, like winning or like getting all the attention, especially within the relationship. It was like, oh man, this it's all been attention on you for like three, four months now. Like this is annoying. When do I get attention?
Speaker 1:Um, and so that's like the three things that I think is like a comparison to each other scrolling on the phone and then only talking about business, and they're like sort of the dark side and we've extensively had some awesome conversations around and working together on being able to combat those. So like we have like boundaries and rules and we call each other out and hold each other accountable, especially for being on each other's phone. And if someone's frustrated for being on each other's phone and if someone's frustrated for being on their phone, it's like we don't judge that person and we like it's like okay, we get it. You have like a frustration. I've been on my phone.
Speaker 2:Here comes the addiction because posting all the time and what's funny is like it genuinely comes out of love, because we love working so much and we love what we do. Love what we do. It's like, oh, I'll just quickly do this and I'll quickly reply to this and I'll quickly show this and I'll quickly make this. And it's like because it's just there and so attached to your hand. It genuinely is coming out of a place of want and desire, but yet it, if you don't really stay on top of it, it becomes a really big problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we ask each other, like can you be present please? Yeah, can you put that away? Yeah, so that's one thing that we have in that person. Oh shit, like I didn't even realize I wasn't even being present just then.
Speaker 2:So we hold each other accountable for that, because you can shame someone or you can keep each other accountable and we're like well, we're gonna keep each other accountable and me coming to him or him coming to me being like all you do is go on your phone, that literally just there's a blame and it literally makes the other person want to shut down so hard, whereas if like, hey, I just love you and I want to spend time with you, can you please put your phone down, do it later. It's like, yeah, of course, no worries. So it's also the way in which we communicate it to each other as well.
Speaker 1:And we're not perfect we still get that wrong.
Speaker 2:Hell, no, regularly but we always bring it back to like okay we want a presence whatever it is, and it's bringing it back to where, continuously working on ourselves, each other, our businesses, et cetera. I think that a lot of people get it wrong in any area of their life, assuming and something that I had a conversation with a client, actually, and something that Corey very much taught me is like never, ever saying oh, I won't do that again Because, like you fricking will, you will do it again. And something that I have taught a lot of my clients now moving forward is like never, ever, make that promise, because, one, that's unfair to yourself, because when you do it again you're going to shame yourself, but then, two, it's unfair to promise something like that to your partner. And it's like really acknowledging hey, we're both human in this. We're probably going to get it wrong again, but I'm going to try my best, and I think that's powerful too yeah, and call is really good as well, bringing um our conversation other than business.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, I have strong boundaries around that because I'm like we're eating dinner. I don't want to talk about a new website and a sales funnel. I really don't give a fuck. But it took me a while to to want to learn how to ask for that, because part of me is like, well, I love him and I want to celebrate him and I and I want to support him in that, but it's more just like or even I did it yesterday when he wanted to show me something and I had asked him prior. I was like I just want five minutes of like presence and like we're having a hug. And he's like, oh, do you want to see this? And I'm like yep, and then I was like no, I asked for five minutes of presence, like I want that hug. So it's. You have to understand, true, both of you in whatever boundaries that you have, and the other person being respectful of it too yeah, and then the comparison thing.
Speaker 2:I feel it makes unconscious anchors that bring you down that prevent you from soaring whether it be in business attention or whatever it is that I feel like we're super solid with it now, though, whereas I actually forgot about like when you're saying about that jealous thing, I forgot I was ages ago, I literally forgot, but that was also, I think, as well. We came into a relationship where everything was new. Like my ability to my sorry, relationship with commitment in general was brand new. You being so committed to me from the front and like being so open and vulnerable, that's new. We both had brand new businesses. You had just moved like there was so many, so much new the front, and like being so open and vulnerable, that's new. We both had brand new businesses. You had just moved, like there was so many, so much new. So I feel like for us, too, there was so much. That's heightened, whereas now, because we are in such a routine we've been here for the last couple of years, et cetera it makes it a lot easier too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and I feel like we've really ground down the grit, so the grit, so it's smooth. Now, in regards to comparison, however, what we haven't had a decent trigger in a while. So we've been pretty consistent with business and consistent, but that's also hats off to.
Speaker 2:I have a coach, I had an energy healer. We have fitness coaches. Like we, we very much value working on ourselves to make sure that things like that because they're going to come up, like we said before, inevitably you're a human, but that we can minimize one them coming up for us to butt heads with each other, but then also having the skills to be able to communicate them too yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:And then because in the future it's like if someone blows up financially or has a really good opportunity, like I was jealous when she went to dubai without me, I was like I really want to go to dubai, like, yeah, that was the only thing that was extremely hard to hold.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because, can I be honest about it? Yeah, oh yeah, I was like we haven't talked about this before.
Speaker 1:I'm completely transparent.
Speaker 2:In the moment, he couldn't be happy for me, and that was really hard, because I had dealt with in my life, friends being very jealous of me, family even being jealous of me, and, again, what we spoke about at the beginning, people not being able to hold me in my bigness. And so, though and it was, it was an unconscious expectation, but the expectation I had of him was oh, my god, I've got this opportunity, and, by the way, it was two weeks prior I go, babe, I've decided I'm going to dubai in two weeks, like it was so quick, whatever. And I was like, told him and he was like, oh, and I? That fucking crushed me from the inside out, because I was like this in my head, I was like this motherfucker was supposed to be happy for me and he's not happy for me. And now I'm upset, now, maybe.
Speaker 2:And then I did the, which is wrong. I admit that it was wrong, but then in my head I'm like maybe I shouldn't go. It was this dumb, because it was an extremely large financial investment, the largest financial investment I have ever made, and, yeah, that really rocked me for a bit, but we were able to and, what's powerful, he took responsibility for that you know you were like oh, I acknowledge that. Yeah, it did trigger me a bit because that's something that I have wanted to do when it's a really good opportunity and like I love you and I'm celebrating you wasn't that one, the.
Speaker 1:The thing that was for me which let me down was I was like I'm just not spending two weeks of chloe. I was like that's hell annoying. I was like it's not so much they're doing that, I'm a baller doing it without me. And I was like, yeah, it was a little bit true, because I planned like a dubai trip and I was like, oh, now you're planning that like before me, and I wanted to go. I was like, oh, I feel like you're taking that away from me a little bit, but we were honest with that conversation and like got through it, yeah well and honestly.
Speaker 2:It literally was like in the within the afternoon he had come to me being honest about it, we communicated it and then the conversation was over like it actually wasn't a problem.
Speaker 2:And something that Corey very much taught me too, was the act of immediate forgiveness, and if I had heard someone say this before, I would have been like, oh my god, that's so lame. You can't forgive someone straight away, but the way that, yeah, we have been able to and even just using that as the example get over that so quickly, it's like oh, it's okay, like I love you and I forgive you. I can still feel upset about it, but it's gonna make him feel a lot better knowing that I actually do forgive him, because it's very easy to be spiteful at someone and be like you weren't happy for me, and in the past I 100 would have been that girl yeah, you weren't happy for me, fuck you. I'm gonna go do like and not actually, maybe verbally, but but in my head I would have felt that way towards him and then again, that just causes, it's like, unnecessary friction in our relationship for such a long period of time, whereas in the afternoon it was done.
Speaker 1:And forgiveness is a choice, and if you're dedicated to being a leader, so you have to actively make sure that you're choosing that.
Speaker 2:Next question your daily routine, including wake and sleep times, when you schedule relationship growth. Hang on a minute, I need a your daily routine, including waking up and sleeping times and then when we schedule in relationship growth.
Speaker 1:Can I start to this one really quickly and get on to the next one?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we get up 5.15,. We go to the gym, we do exercise, we get home, we start work at about 7.38 o'clock. We get coffee at 7 am first. And then we go to bed at 7.38.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're like, I'm not even kidding. I sleep by 8 o'clock, like yesterday it was 7.38. I was like good night, roll it over.
Speaker 1:Most of the time during the day we're working, but we also make time to have fun, see our friends, and if we feel like doing anything that we need to do, do that during the day especially one of the beauties of having your business, which is such a poor your lifestyle because I love business and all I want to do is work. But every now and then I'm like I need to pull my hair out and I need to do something fun. We need to go somewhere. It's in the middle of the day. I'm like I am so unproductive, let's go. What's june?
Speaker 2:yeah, we literally were like it was literally like 2 pm and he's like I'm getting nothing done, and we were just in the same mood that day and I was like me too. And then we literally like, let's book the movies. We just left, and that is the beauty of us having that time. So it's like it's maybe it's not ideal for us to fit in relationship growth, but we can do it at 1 pm after lunch, we can do it at 7 pm in bed at night, like I actually feel like we don't schedule in the relationship growth anymore.
Speaker 1:We used to, yeah well, we're together all the time. We're pretty intentional yeah, we are so I feel like that is the example of going to the movies in the middle of the day is we both don't like doing unproductive work and the second we're feeling unproductive we both take seriously our energy shift and we're like we've got to shift energy up Today, this afternoon, because we're like, oh, we've been working all weekend, we've been working a few days.
Speaker 1:We need to take like a few hours, otherwise we're just going to keep on this hustle train and just attract stress. So let's get out of this, do something, regulate our nervous systems, come back fresh at another time. And then that's when we're always like, oh good idea, did this thing? Chloe's like I was like 300 girls buy this thing, wow love changing girls lives I also think as well.
Speaker 2:To be real frank, our routine is changes every single day. Is that off?
Speaker 1:Our routine does not change every day.
Speaker 2:Well, mine does. Yours does, but also, you never really have set stuff, you know do you. My routine is so Not one of the same days I honestly wake up and again I have the privilege I've worked for myself for going on. It'll be four years now this year and I think, or three, maybe three.
Speaker 1:Definitely four years now this year, and I think, or three, maybe three and definitely four, because you worked for a year by yourself before you met me.
Speaker 2:It's four years now. No, I only became self-employed in the August and we started dating in the November yeah, but you'd be working for yourself before that like you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was it's closer to four years and three anyway, anyway.
Speaker 2:Anyway, like I yeah I have I now have the privilege to kind of just work around, like I have one-on-one clients and things like that, but I have the privilege to really work around those. So ways to deal with conflict when it comes to family and different views.
Speaker 1:I don't feel like we have too much conflict there, to be honest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they've asked us to.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know one thing. Yeah, I know, I know, this is a mad conflict. This is a mad conflict. This is a mad conflict, it's only over the bus.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I'm like Look how nervous you get. Yeah, I am. I'm like what are you going to say?
Speaker 1:Exposed Chloe's deepest fear.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. This is one, I am myself 24-7.
Speaker 1:And I just have the, the most generous interpretation that people can hold me. In my business bigness, and even around Chloe's family, I do not adjust myself he does not to her family. I'll treat them the same way. I treat her the same way.
Speaker 2:It's high key Amazing. But also it triggered me at the start A lot Cause.
Speaker 1:I remember at one stage your mom could not make a decision about a piece of fish and I was like my mom is one of the most indecisive people. I need to make a decision. Would you like salmon or barramundi? And she's like whatever you choose. And I'm like I can't do this as a cook, as a chef, because I love cooking. I was like Stacey salmon or barramundi Everyone's in the room. I was like Stacey'm like stacy barramundi or something, anyway.
Speaker 2:It went on for a while and chloe afterwards was like never, ever talk to my I literally was like if you ever speak to anyone in my family like that, again I will leave you, and I have no problems doing so, and I literally ripped him a new one. However yes, that was now upon acknowledgement he would. He would do that to, literally to me, to any single person. If you're a stranger and you're like, if you come as our new friend to our house, he's doing that to you too. But I just because I part of me used to tread on eggshells around and not even in like um, I don't say it's in a negative way around other people's families making sure that I was. I don't want to say it's in a negative way around other people's families making sure that I was being I don't even say it was different, just being mindful of my reactions towards people and things like that. And he wasn't. He highlighted to me potentially where I wasn't doing that also, which is why it triggered me so much too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he wasn't rude.
Speaker 2:This is the thing like you are direct but you're not rude. But you are direct but you're not rude. But I immediately was just like damn, I was like putting devil horns above his ears and I was like this man is ruining my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but in the meantime, what was actually happening like from my point of view is I'm actually developing a deeper relationship with Stacey, knowing that we can like-.
Speaker 2:And she loves you so much.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love your mum as well, like she's the best and like being with each other actually makes people closer together because they understand who they are, and then as well, I have a family member as well. That would trigger Chloe and with the family conflict you're not going to be honest about this story. I take. I take responsibility for educating, Like one of my family members have been like, okay, some of the things that you say and what you do is triggering for anyone, and it's more triggering for Chloe because she's my partner.
Speaker 2:She's also direct it at me sometimes yeah.
Speaker 1:So what I do is with the person is I just tell them I'm like this thing's here and it's not appropriate for that reason and this thing's because someone may feel like this caught me off guard as well.
Speaker 2:I almost expected, when it happened the first time, for Corey just to let it like, and I was prepared for him to just like ignore it, and he like called the person out literally in the moment. It was like like this is you didn't say, but he's like this is, this is not okay. And I was just like because I also grew up in in a family where it's like, oh, we'll just sweep everything under the rug and conflict is a bad thing, right, and it's like. But he proved to me in that moment that it actually didn't need to be a bad thing. He was standing up for me in that moment, being like please don't speak to my partner that way, whatever else happened. And it was an immediate oh yeah, you're right, so sorry, end of story in 2.5 seconds. And I was like, oh, it gets to be this easy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but part of me had experienced it where you know, we then. But then because I'd been in situations where unconscious resentment builds and then there's anger, and then I probably would have been if, in another lifetime, I would have been angry at you for not standing up for me, but I wouldn't have had the ability to communicate that I wished he had stood up for me and all these things. So I think like, again, it's it's what you do really well is like rewrite the story of what conflict actually has to look like, because so many people don't know how to do it at all me included until I met you and people often think that it's really rude, and then I'm like there is nothing rude about standing up for yourself or for people that you love. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Especially, especially when you understand that people in general have a lot of unconscious either trauma or they're speaking unconsciously and they don't understand that they're projecting onto someone and like having those as such a good leadership and mindset skill anyway, but it's, it's really tested in family, like it's full on.
Speaker 2:You ever want to go on a personal development retreat?
Speaker 1:just go on a family holiday essentially like what happens in situations where it happens and trigger someone else is, is the way to get out of it is by genuinely understanding and knowing someone so well and like I know my family members so well and I explain. If it's like anything's happening or this conflict, I'll sit down with my partner or the family member and I'll explain to them like okay, this is what this person's like, this is this thing, this is some things that trigger them, or or this is how you trigger them, or this is why they're triggered in general and this is why they're triggering you. We have those conversations and then we just create an open thread and a communication around it, instead of putting shame on someone or making them feel guilty.
Speaker 2:Instead, what we do is we communicate in regards to respect and by having that communication thread open yes, we can talk about it all the time I also want to almost buy back a little bit there, because that has worked for you and your family, because your family has been open to it. This is where the line is drawn, where I believe that you have the ability to stand up for yourself. You have the ability to draw boundaries, but I have drawn boundaries in my own family that have been disrespectfully crossed multiple times and I actually personally don't believe then, with things like that happen, that you have to be, or you even have to tolerate that Like. I really do believe that you get to put your foot down and be like this is not okay. I have asked multiple times this will happen, et cetera, and you actually just get to close that door. So I think there's a level where you get to really try to allow that to happen in your family relationships, but not every single person's family is going to be like that.
Speaker 1:Oh, definitely, cause there's always going to be a line there and whenever there's a certain line that needs to be crossed, then it needs to be let go. There's no point being um, like if it happened in my family and their lines keep getting crossed continuously, continuously, continuously, continuously. Then I'd be like, okay, bye, yeah, um, straight up.
Speaker 2:So, because we know some people's families are hectic it's interesting too, because it's like you know, most people would never tolerate behavior from friends, from work, work colleagues et cetera. Yet we do tolerate behaviour like that so much from family. And it's like you actually don't have to do that, especially once you become an adult, like that's why I'm so big on you choosing your own friends, because you can't choose your family. So choose really good friends.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm pretty good at putting boundaries in my family, though You're savage, yeah, savage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, hundreds in my family, though, I'll just yeah, savage, yeah, but cory's also happy to push you like to poke the bear is the best.
Speaker 1:I have the most generous interpretation that everyone is stronger emotionally, mentally, than what they think. So, which is just being really intentionally disagreeable. And just speaking your truth all the time demands respect from other people and it also makes you, you know, stronger as a person sharpens your sword a thousand percent oh, it's what we do in set the standard your biggest challenge is a couple and how you overcame it.
Speaker 2:I don't even nothing came to mind the first time I read that question I'll say well.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe one challenge was a couple of times there was there where, uh, chloe doubted that the relationship was gonna work or continue and for had to have like ego purge, like full on yeah, I feel like that.
Speaker 2:That came up like two times, two big times yeah where I was like didn't feel safe no, but also that was.
Speaker 2:I understand that that was me. I questioned the integrity of the relationship because I was fearful of commitment and I had never been able to rely on anyone before and I really had my whole entire life I've had my myself and myself alone to rely on. So I and I really had my whole entire life. I've had my myself and myself alone to rely on. So I don't think there's enough conversations around if that's been you and then getting to a point where, like well, to be in a relationship and a proper relationship, where there's complete trust, complete commitment, complete everything, when you want to do the marriage, you want to do the kids, whatever it is that you want to do, you've got to fully surrender to that. And that, like we could do a whole podcast on that in itself, because that was so hard for me to do. And yet, like we hit some roadblocks too, because it was very easy for me to just be like or what I thought oh, I don't think that this is for me, maybe I don't really, maybe I'm not really as in love as I thought, like all these things which I actually knew were bullshit deep, deep, deep down. But it was.
Speaker 2:It was easy for me to think that then it was to look at like I am actually just so scared to rely on someone that could hurt me. You know I had daddy issues. I've been cheated on lots of times. I had, had, uh, some things happen when I was a kid that made me not be able to trust men and all these things, so I had such a fear of men in general. Then I've got someone that was just like standing there with his arms wide open, like let's go and I'm like so I. So I feel like you. Having to hold space for that a lot was very hard too.
Speaker 1:You just didn't feel safe 100% and I knew that as a guy through the process.
Speaker 2:I'm safe right now, but also, that's hats off to you for doing a lot of personal development work, because I don't know many men that would have been able to see that and hold me in that for that period of time and love me through it, not judge me for it. That's what I was gonna say. You didn't, you didn't. You didn't judge me for it. Nothing. You were like I'm here for you and I love you and whatever, whereas I think that any of my exes, or previously in the past, like most people, would have run away from that, yeah, there's a definitely, and so that's one of the things yes, call, you would have been single no, so I think it meant more definitely as a man.
Speaker 1:It's just like understanding that that, like most women going through you know their process. If you really deeply, rudely, when it finally clicks in your brain that, okay, the only thing that she, whenever we're going through something, most of the time is when she's not feeling safe, so you have to let her know that she's actually safe and that's usually done through action. It's holding space. It's not you freaking out, because the second you freak out or get worried about anything, she's like oh my god, I knew it right. It's confirming all my beliefs in the meantime Not that they're correct necessarily. Yeah, exactly. It's confirming my Stories by my beliefs that I'm not safe, which then it's like I need to run away from the relationship.
Speaker 1:The other thing I think that's a huge challenge is that being to business owners who create content is everything is content and it comes back to the phone thing again Like as content. And it comes back to the phone thing again like I'm in us right now I'm not kidding and like in um at all. That's not sorry. Chloe is making content from the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes to bed.
Speaker 1:It was like like literally where it's gonna like rip on me just then, which is why I was like don't you criticize me right now see, immediately she wasn't feeling safe and now she realizes she's safe and she feels better. So so, even like last night, it was eating like it was like 10 to 8 and I was just like doing some, like typing on my computer, because then I'm just doing some task at the moment before I go to bed and then I eight o'clock things down. Um, we go to sleep, we usually we're reading or I'm listening to an audiobook and call his reading before bed, and literally she pulls out a phone at 7 50 to record us, us in bed, and I was like, babe, are you seriously making content? Now she's like, yeah, you got your computer up. We've got like 10 minutes till bedtime. And I'm like, oh my God, every time we go to a cafe it's creating content, and sometimes it's me. I want to be creating content. Can you take a photo of me?
Speaker 2:I was like don't just throw me under the bus like one, two, three.
Speaker 1:There's so many cameras sitting here, right now as well yeah, so, just like we're always making content and it is then the me talk, like, if it's me, it's asking about business making content. Can you take a photo, can you film me this? And then we're arguing about the filming because we're not getting it right or whatever it is. So it's like non-stop, like when people if they're, if anyone here is listening to this they're like oh, I want to be sort of like chloe and cory in regards to content creation and business or one. The other side to that coin is like you're always filming everything and creating and writing.
Speaker 2:You love it. It's like I have loved it since I started. So for me, like that's what we need. Corey's like everyone thinks content. I'm like it's not hard for me to whip out my phone, start saying some stuff, put it down, take a bit Like. To me, I'm like it's just, it's part of our job. I have no dramas with that. And yeah, you're right, though People think, oh, that looks like such a good job. I'm like do you want to have your phone attached to your hand 24 seven? And there's so many people that will say or you're not on your phone 24 seven. I'm like.
Speaker 1:You're on your phone 24 seven yeah. Like, I'm like if you're got to be everything which is controversial which is great, because I learned a lot from chloe for that in regards to business, uh and and using it and all the techniques and stuff, so like we learn heaps in terms of whipping our camera out.
Speaker 2:But that's what arises a lot of arguments, there's a lot of non-presence and we're holding each other accountable to not be present but I also think that that's just that we've just had to get into the groove, especially since we moved into our new house, like we've gotten into the groove around each other and things like that, and again it's just, it's about working. Okay, well, what can we tolerate, what do we not tolerate, where do we need to draw the line, et cetera.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it works, it just takes. It's just a lot of commitment and from a guy's point of view, like from my point of view, he's also a content creator, like I just got to know that and see that within regards to you works.
Speaker 2:Yeah, next question, I have to go, I'll do okay. One more question, we'll wrap it up real quick. One the first few struggles moving in together how we argue how we argue is good how we argue.
Speaker 1:So we give two minutes in this, guys, and we are wrapping it up. So our argument, I would say, is really healthy 60 of the time.
Speaker 2:40 of the time it isn't, and I'm just gonna blame chloe for the other 40 when you put two extremely stubborn, emotionally aware, high energy people in a relationship this I've got talked about in my instagram story recently people like whoa, you guys argue I'm like yes, yeah, and it's like, it's not necessarily, like they're not always big, like we just are both very strong in our opinions, in the way that we like to do things. So there was bound to be conflict, even when there's actually not something to argue about, just because we like things done a certain way, and I think people make arguing wrong and I'm like it's just how you argue. That can be wrong. I I don't think disagreeing is wrong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, our friends say to us they're like, yeah, but you guys like arguing, and we're like we actually don't, but we do. We argue all the time and sometimes it blows up and it's not healthy, like we're back and forth at each other, just going to one extreme and it's like, oh, this is not good. Other times it's like show me how you argue and I'll show you literally the success that you're going to have. Because within conflict resolution it is, and with no matter what you're doing or where you are depending, like because some people as well, they're like, oh, we didn't argue, I'm like, okay, have fun shoving everything under the rug. Then you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And just because we wear our hearts on our sleeves means that whatever we do is going to arise at some point and we've got to figure it out. So most of the time, all of our arguments and we know this for a fact, like 110 for sure, every argument we have comes from some deep rooted trauma that we've got and it has nothing to do with each other. The other person has only been a mirror to show the other person. You've got some healing to do so and, I guess, really triggering cause just as an example, like recently, um at at some moments in our arguing Chloe's been a little bit reactive and we'll try to bring that up. Sometimes, like in a reactive moment, we're like okay, we can't talk about that in a reactive moment.
Speaker 1:Well, it's like, you know it's the perfect example is like when you're heated as a woman and then someone's like calm down, and you're like, don't tell me to calm down, like that's the best example that I can give and like yeah, like this is your trauma speaking, and we sort of go to them like okay, and then, even even if it does get heated at the time, we're like okay, we need to come back and actually talk about this and talk about it properly, because sometimes it's me as well, so something will happen.
Speaker 1:Then I'll get super frustrated or I'm more likely to shut off and avoid and not talk to chloe instead, and then chloe sort of brings out like I need to have it, we need to talk about this, and eventually I'm like and then then we have a really good conscious conversation. We cuddle, we kiss, we feel lots of emotions, we have really good sex and that helps, you know, bring everything together. So and it's definitely a way of showing up how well that you guys can resolve your conflict creates a lot of passion in the bedroom, which is good, and my only piece to that as well is it's like learning like.
Speaker 2:arguing is a skill and you've got to learn how to argue, and I think that took me a little bit too long to learn Like. I think if I'd known that that was a skill that I could learn, I probably would have been more open to arguing at the start, because, yeah, it's something that we're still perfecting and I don't think that we'll ever get it perfect, because it's just the art of being a human being.
Speaker 1:And as you grow, you grow, there's more traumas and there's more things and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then you'll realize how deep-seated like traumas and stuff are. So it's just been a we're 100 committed to each other within that, uh, which feels really safe for her. It was really safe for me. Yeah, and that's essentially how we argue. I love it cool. Thank you everyone for listening. See you next.
Speaker 2:One bye I appreciate you guys. Bye.