Why women are reclaiming their power #213 Dijana Djukic

Sitting down with the female version of me, this conversation was non stop knowledge bombs:

• Why it's important to balance your masculine and feminine energy 
• How personal development makes you a better partner
• Why discipline and grit is important in promoting true change 
• How a community focused on accountability is unwavering
• And SO MUCH MORE!

Follow Dijana here: https://www.instagram.com/dijanadjukicc/

Apply here https://www.coreyboutwell.net/speaksoon

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Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code. 

Transcript

Empowering Women Through Discipline and Sensuality

Speaker 1 0:00

You'll get a lot of answers there . I think this is where , like , the deeper layer comes to it , with people being actually honest . The Deeper Layer .

Speaker 2 0:14

Dear Gory , thank you so much for coming onto the podcast .

Speaker 1 0:17

You kind of forced me on here .

Speaker 2 0:20

I kind of did . We're like sitting at home , it's D and Jesse been staying with us , it's like D's partner , and I was like let's do a podcast at 11 . And she was like okay .

Speaker 1 0:30

I know your personality . If I said no , you're like , why Are you scared ? And then I'd have to like , do something . So I was like , okay , let's do it .

Speaker 2 0:39

You just preempted everything else and was like , let's dive into it . Yeah , yeah , for sure , that was cool . Well , I really wanted to like dive in and talk today on like quite a few things . It's interesting because it's like you do a lot of the similar stuff that like set the standard does , but for women all the things that you do . Can you tell us a little bit about , like , what you do and why you love it so much ?

Speaker 1 1:01

I was actually just thinking about this . I was like I think I'm the female version of Corey .

Speaker 2 1:09

Literally for all the stuff that we do .

Speaker 1 1:11

we're talking about like this yeah , so , so similar , yeah , so yeah , to break it down , basically what I do is help a lot of women build a lot of discipline , build a lot of productivity , make sure they stop wasting their time , but then , like , the polar opposite to that is , I help women with their sensuality , connecting back to their body , healing their relationship with their body , and that's a big part of my work . So , yeah , it's really cool . It's like very savage , disciplined mind , but then also has that softness and sensuality to it which they go together really at the end of the day . So , yeah , that's basically it . I run a membership called Ride or Die and basically I grew up watching Fast and Furious and I come from a big Serbian ethnic family .

Speaker 1 2:04

So , yeah , the way that I see them is , you know , ride or Die's and this unconditional love where people hold you to a stand it , but it's like but I still fucking love you anyways . So I really wanted to emulate that and that's kind of like the vibe that we go with . And you know , fast and Furious kind of has that with . Like Dom Toretto is like yeah , so that's what I was trying to emulate . So we've got Ride or Die and then we've got courses and things like that , where we've got the Grip Project but then we also got the Naked Project , so it's just like polarizing opposite , but they go together so well . So there's that .

Speaker 1 2:42

And then I have in-person events and retreats called the Dangerous Movement , but the Dangerous Event and then the Dangerous Retreat , and again it's like chicks are boxing , fucking , screaming , raging out , and then chicks are dancing , like whipping their hair and like slut dropping . It's really this really beautiful mix . And the same thing goes with my retreats . It's , you know , we're working out three , four times a day , but then we're also just like crying in a lounge room .

Speaker 2 3:11

I've seen some of the videos and you guys like I can't put words to it , but everyone listening like this retreats in the days are hectic like fall on .

Speaker 1 3:22

They are full on and you know I've got so many stories and to like put it simply , it's like 4 am wakeups , like full , like military style , get up . I'll see you in the kitchen at 4 am we're doing a workout . And our last retreat the first , not last retreat , the retreat before that because the first day everyone's excited , yeah , 4 am , wakeups are working out and it starts to kind of die down . And then the second day I was like I'll see you guys at 4 am . And they're like what ? I was like , no , I'll see you guys at 4 am Again . What do you mean ? Again , of course we're fucking doing it again .

Speaker 1 3:55

And then the next day rolls in and everyone's just like dragging their feet , just like not having a bar . But because the massive day is like we're working out three , four times a day ice baths , fucking hill sprints , all the things and like everyone's rolling in dragging their feet and I was like , oh , you guys are gonna fucking get it this morning . What do you think you guys are in for ? Coming to my retreat , like why is everyone sucking right now ? I actually don't understand . Just imagine getting drilled at 4 am . Everyone was so over it , but it was so good Like . The results that we get from those retreats are just like fucking wild , so cool .

Speaker 2 4:34

Crazy . Well , what are they Like ? What are some of the transformations and stuff that you have seen , that you're like wow .

Speaker 1 4:42

Fuck , so many stand out . I'll tell a couple of stories because I feel like stories will be more engaging , but not the last retreat , the retreat before that we had we're doing ice baths and it was about five or six am was fucking freezing . We're jumping into the pool and the pool would have been one , two degrees max and I was lagging behind a little bit because I had to like grab the speaker and I was like girls , I'll meet you at the pool . And some of the girls were like complaining and stuff like that . And that morning I just got my period right , so I didn't want to do it either . And they come out then I can hear them all complaining . And one of the attendees like some of the girls , were like sitting in a huddle complaining , and this is just like the power of being at retreats . She just stood there and she went I'm not entertaining this conversation , I'm actually going to separate myself because this is going to make this experience worse and just like took herself from the collective of girls that just like oh , why do we have to do this ? I don't want to do this . And then I come out marching , and she had just done that . I come out marching like do you think I fucking want to do this too ? You know , I just got my period . I don't want to get in here as much as you do . Now let's get in .

Speaker 1 6:00

And I think that you know the retreats for me they had that discipline level because I feel like for a lot of women they do lack it , but in the same breath they want their man's to be so disciplined and it's like , instead of fucking yapping his ear off , why don't you show him ? You know , and I think that Jesse's such a cool role model for me with this is because I'm so disciplined . Jesse has to raise a bar . So then it's like oh yeah , you know , it's like that different level and I think a lot of women don't understand that . But then also a big part of it and this is what I was saying in the retreat the last time is , yes , you want your man to be super disciplined and blah , blah , blah , or your partner , whatever . But then the other part is you can't put that entire responsibility on him . And a lot of women , when their man's are going through something , they make it about them .

Speaker 2 6:56

How so Like ? What do you mean by ?

Speaker 1 6:57

that . So , for example , like Jesse's going through something , if I didn't have the discipline or emotional intelligence to hold the fort for Jesse to experience what he needs to experience , I would then make the process about me and be like , oh , you're not looking after me and you're having this and you're doing that , and that takes away from Jesse's experience . So it's also the part where , yes , you want your man to lead or your partner to lead , but then also , when he's in a position where he can't , you have to be able to do it too and you have to be able to support him too . Instead of Jesse , my partner is going through something and because I don't have the ability or the discipline to be able to go , okay , jesse needs me to support him right now , and that might be 10% of our relationship or 20% of our relationship . I can't . So then he doesn't get to process what he needs to process , to evolve in the way that he needs to evolve . So that's a big thing that we speak about a lot as well is being a partner or a role model to your partner and actually being a support system to your partner , having that level of discipline and strength and courage so your partner can evolve and grow too . So there's that .

Speaker 1 8:08

But then even this one fucking , there's a couple of things that stand out , but like we do this one exercise where basically the girls have to the last retreat , they had to hold a weight over their head and I just like left them there and just like , until you're ready to admit what that weight actually is , you're gonna stay there and don't you dare drop that weight because at the end of the day , we're all carrying something over our head and it's stopping you from becoming the person that you want to become . And one of my girls she's like a super hard ass and like she's pretty , like she's tough and she's like she just wasn't happy in her skin , in her body , carrying weight that she didn't wanna carry . And she's like holding it , holding it , and she didn't wanna let it go , and I was , and everyone slowly started to drop their weights , maybe like 25 minutes in . She's like it's a long time .

Speaker 1 9:02

It's a long , it's 10 kilos , you know . And she's like I don't think I wanna let it go . I said don't , stacked another weight on top of her head . She's holding 20 kilos , full arms locked over her head . I was like hold this , cause it's gonna get heavier . And everyone was just like oh shit , like everyone's dead silent . And I was holding it and I was like what do you need to hear to let this go , because you're going to stay in the same position if you don't . And this is going to get heavier and heavier .

Speaker 1 9:40

And like inner face and it's raining and it's like this whole scene this is dramatic scene , right , and she's like saying shit , like I need to take responsibility , and I'm like it's not it , it's not it . She's like I need to get over fucking , you know , whatever , some childhood shit . I'm like that's not it . I'm like what do you fucking need to hear , ash , stop giving me the hard ass , shit . What do you need to hear ? And she just like cracks , tears are coming down her face . She's like I'm enough , like I'm worthy . I was like nice , you know , just like shit , like that . I watch that video often and you know we went through this one . Like that retreat , like three people have got tattoos from . Just like fully never want to forget this experience in my life . So there's that , and you know we were on this massive property , it was huge , and I basically got him to go down the bottom . I was his heel and it's like that long it would have been easily okay . It's deep and just like sprint , sprint , sprint to the bottom , sprint . Are you ready to let go ? Sprint , and just like exhausting them , because it's like set your intention .

Personal Development Through Movement

Speaker 1 10:58

Something that I love about running is when you make a decision to go for a run , you can do it . You know , it's like I'm going to run 10k today , okay , done . And it's like full body and you'll do it . But if you don't do that decision thing , it's so hard right . So it's like make a fucking decision , set an intention and feel it , because the thing is about personal development . That I don't like . It's a bunch of words , right , growth is in the uncomfortable , you know being the energy or the shit . But it's like when you're running , you just said to me you were going to step up and halfway through up that hill you started to slow down , bitch . You know , like on your mark , get set , go and like fucking feel it so deeply in your nervous system . Do you know what I mean ? So that's something that I love about retreats and the way that I kind of teaches . A lot of it's through movement because , again , personal development can be a lot of words until it's embodied until it's embodied .

Speaker 1 11:58

And it's like I want you to run up that hill , feel your limit and then go now , fuck this . I just , I just said I'm ready to step into my legs , fucking level . I'm ready to set a new standard , I'm ready to do this . I just gave you an opportunity to do it and you didn't do it . So go again , you know , and like , keep going and keep going .

Speaker 1 12:18

And the last retreat of fuck , it was just so cool . So we had a first day . The second day , the second day , we did this massive process and day three rolls around . Everyone gets up and we did like this sprint drill and would have been like 10 meters and it was just , it was the coolest thing to see . No one bitch , no one moans , everyone's in dead silence . It was just like go sprint , go sprint . I was just like tag team . They were just in lines of two , just sprinting , and like charging and charging .

Speaker 1 12:51

The really cool thing about it was okay , that's how you be in a community . You shut the fuck up , you do as you're told and you fucking level up for the people around you . Stop bitching , stop moaning , stop talking , do the thing . And it was like the coolest thing and you know that moment I know you would feel this as a coach and it's like I work here , it's done , and like we sat down and that was . I basically ended the retreat there and we just hung out in the sun after and just reflected because they felt it . They felt the difference between oh cool , I was actually just talking a lot of shit before . I said I wanted X , but I wasn't doing it , and that was the embodiment of doing the actual thing . So yeah , that's the retreat . That's so sick .

Speaker 2 13:36

I'm sure there's a lot of do's into this . They're like give me one of those . I want to go to that . It's for girls only , sorry .

Speaker 1 13:44

Because , like we do do feminins , like the feminine embodiment and you know a lot of body shame and stuff like that . And yeah , it's cool , it's fucking which is sick .

Speaker 2 13:54

If you're listening to this and you're a lady , you gotta go . One of the things that you mentioned before which I think was real powerful , and I think , like every single man would have felt so seen before hen is when you were like , I feel like you know , when your partner every girl wants a man who's disciplined , who's thriving , who's crushing it , but when he's not , how do you show up ?

Speaker 2 14:11

And instead of making it all about you like change and hold the hold , the thought back . What is like ? You know from your perspective in terms of real time , what's like the common scenario Like , and then how do like of like what's happening in real time people's lives , and then how do you shift them to think that Cause I know a lot of guys would be like if that happened to my partner , that would literally be the best thing in my life . So , like what's , what's like the common scenario that people have , and then how do they get over it ?

Speaker 1 14:39

I think it's like the really the most common one is stock standard . I want my partner to be vulnerable when he's vulnerable .

Speaker 2 14:50

Why ? Why do you think they want their partner to be vulnerable Just to open up ?

Speaker 1 14:54

you know and connect and see a different , different layer of their partner .

Speaker 1 14:59

And I think a lot of women see that their partner needs to do a lot of work . Like , let's say , hypothetically , it's common that my clients would be like you know he doesn't know how to make decisions , or you know he's got a lot of shit that he needs to heal , like his parents and like they can see it that they don't necessarily know what to do . And then when he is starting to okay , let's say he does get a coach or he does start doing some work or whatever , whatever it might be it almost feels like they then go oh , he's not there for me , he can't support me , because they're so used to maybe the comfort in the dynamic of the relationship , instead of kind of having the logic to be like , oh , okay , cool , he actually needs me to support him right now . And this is what that looks like and that might be kind of pulling him to go to training . Okay , let's go to training today , or let's eat this today and not just fucking order Ubi or something like that . Does that make sense ?

Speaker 2 16:05

Yeah , yeah , yeah for sure . And then like what is the I'm interested in , like the mindset sort of behind it .

Speaker 1 16:13

I think like for women , they want to be looked after so much . So I think like there's that element . I think there's also an element that a lot of women , or a lot of people in general , have mom and dad shit . So it's like it reminds them of maybe their dad or their mom , so it triggers that part and then they kind of like retract inwards and they don't necessarily know how to move through that . I would say that .

Speaker 1 16:41

I would also say I would say that , like a lot of women here's the thing like one of my clients at the retreat , she was like I'm so masculine and my partner's so feminine and as she started to kind of open it up , I was like maybe you're not masculine .

Speaker 1 17:05

I'm like you don't know how to make a decision , you're fucking chaotic , you've got no structure . I'm like you've got a wounded feminine and an unintegrated masculine . So I think there's also a lot of a lot of people uneducated on what's what , how to be the ex and all that kind of stuff as well . I think that plays into part . And once I started to flip her mind as well , you know , I said something to her , like when your partner does ex , that's him in his masculine . She was like , oh , you know , like she was so confused and I think again and this is kind of like going into a different conversation but I think a lot of relationships they don't have enough conversations about what turns me on and what turns me off , and it could be the simplest things . And you know , a lot of women want their partners to do ex , but they've never said it .

Speaker 2 17:59

Cool , I want to hear these things . What are ?

Speaker 1 18:02

the turn-offs and the turn-offs . Turn-offs would be like unable to make a decision , sitting on the lounge and fucking scrolling Like that I hear all the time . Or he does his scroll . Get home from work . Scroll .

Speaker 2 18:20

What about sex ? Is there turn-offs in there ?

Speaker 1 18:22

Yeah , yeah , I would say like , but that's the thing with women .

Women's Turn Ons and Turn Offs

Speaker 1 18:25

Women are turned on with things outside of the bedroom . So and this is a thing , a lot of men like they want to do the sexual things in the bedroom . Like you've missed it , I'm like you sat at home , you know . So there's also that part . But I think , like in the bedroom , not taking her needs into consideration , not even asking her what she wants , little things like rushing , you know , and even like , again , being touchy , being feel like outside of the bedroom , that's what's going to turn a woman on .

Speaker 1 19:02

But also , in the same breath , a lot of women need to take responsibility . This is a lot of the work that I do . Is you need to take responsibility for feeling so turned off ? Okay , lack of energy , maybe , just not feeling it . So a lot of women are lying , a lot of women aren't telling the truth . A lot of women aren't , you know , stepping into their feminine sensual embodiment practices to make them feel turned on . Because a lot of women need , they need stimulus to feel turned on . They're just , they're not like men . They don't just go . I'm horny Like . That's not it . It's not happening .

Speaker 2 19:36

Give me three and a half seconds .

Speaker 1 19:38

It's not happening , and I think that a lot of women need to take more responsibility for feeling more turned on , and an example that I use in the naked project is this is more so to the women . But would you feel turned on when you look at your lifestyle ? Okay , you can't . Let's say , for example , you work nine to five , doesn't matter whatever you do , come home , sit on a lounge , scroll , you eat , you eat with the TVs on , you eat scrolling , then you go back to scrolling . When you finish eating , you jump in the shower . You do a shit , it doesn't matter , you go for . You have your shower , put your armies on , put TV back on .

Speaker 2 20:18

Sleep .

Speaker 1 20:19

Like , where in that are you trying to activate ? Because you have basically like an activation . You have a part in you that you need to activate in order to be filled , turned on . You have basically it's like an accelerator and a break . Women's breaks are on . So the thing that I say to women is like , if you want to feel turned on and increase your sex life and feel more connected to your partner , you need to change your routine . No more eating with a TV on because you need to tap into your five cents Slot down . So most girls in my space that's it . You don't eat . Watching podcasts , music , tv nothing done that will change everything . Cook , no music , nothing , unless you want to put central music on , even like shower , embodiment practices , skincare , like slow down , slow it down sometimes and then you'll start to feel super turned on . But I think , like in regards to turn offs A , it's men not supporting them in wanting to make a transition .

Speaker 2 21:16

Oh , can we pause on that one ? How can men do that ? From what ?

Speaker 1 21:21

I think just like asking how ? How do you want me to support you in this ?

Speaker 1 21:24

That's it Like something Jesse does really well . A lot of men are like solution orientated . You know your missus says to you you know I want to improve my sex life . He's gone to the sex store . That's not what she needs . He's like I got all these solutions versus she actually needs . Okay , how can I support you on that ? What do you need from me ? That's it . She will be like I don't know . Or she might say I need X , beautiful . That's your work to do , that's it . Don't do anything else , Just do that . Does that make sense ?

Speaker 1 22:00

That's so easy for all of you guys listening . There you go , ask the question .

Speaker 2 22:04

How can I support ?

Speaker 1 22:05

you , that's it . And you know , whenever it doesn't matter whether it's sex , it doesn't matter whether it's stress , it doesn't matter whether it's a friend or parent has annoyed her , don't go and solve the problem , just ask her how do you want me to solve this ? Yeah , that's it , I want to support you , nice . And she might say I don't know , I don't actually need you to do anything , I need to solve it myself , you know . Or she might say can you organize X ? And then , if you have a woman who's like a massive chronic people please don't hate being a burden Ask her twice .

Speaker 2 22:42

You're talking about yourself right now . Ask her twice , ask her twice , please , Are you sure ?

Speaker 1 22:49

Are you sure you don't need me to do anything ? Because I think , like again , I speak for myself and a lot of clients that I work with . So many women are afraid to ask for what they want . They're just scared . They're scared because childhood , adulthood , doesn't matter whatever .

Speaker 2 23:07

Bad experiences ? I think everyone is .

Speaker 1 23:09

Yeah , for sure . So I think like if she says nothing , just say are you sure ?

Speaker 2 23:14

Yeah , I feel that I need to dig . I feel that my experience is like we're all going to ask because I think for some guys if they're holding onto resentment or bitterness or spite or something they're unhappy with , or they didn't get sex last night , whatever it is and they know I have to ask for support . Something's going on . How can I support you ? I don't need to support , okay , and I'll just be like sick . She said it Now I can hold that against her . Yeah , like I won't , because you said that For sure . When I think it's like it's definitely your responsibility and both of us be like are you sure ? What can I do ? Just reassuring you , I'm open at the moment . Let me know how to support because I genuinely want to . I think a little bit more dedication to that can like really let some of the walls down ?

Speaker 1 23:51

Yeah , For sure . One of my mentors said to me once like , if your heart wants to skip a beat , like that's what you need to say . Like if it makes you so nervous that your heart is like . That is exactly what you need to say out loud , Say that shit . Yeah .

Speaker 2 24:07

So I paused you on that one for what the guys can do .

Speaker 1 24:09

Yep .

Speaker 2 24:10

What's next ? See it If you remember where we were .

Speaker 1 24:13

No , there's something else we'll talk about .

Speaker 2 24:14

before then it was like the turn offs .

Speaker 1 24:16

Ah , yes . Turn offs , I would say phones , constant scrolling , I would say just , I would say massive turn off .

Speaker 2 24:27

Is women feeling like their partner's mum and that is not anyone's fault by the code creation , I love you to say that with code creation , because a lot of like I find this I'm just like putting in myself in the body of someone else . If you're a dude , you just be like , oh my God , like for a minute . So I just like stop acting like my fucking mom . Like for the love of God , stop it .

Speaker 1 24:48

Yeah .

Speaker 2 24:49

You guys like you , don't need to hate it when you do . Like from her point of view . She's like I literally have to be your mum or you're not going to fucking do anything . So I can see how that's like from both of the point of views . It's like oh , you guys are both . Just every time that happens , it's both you 100 .

Speaker 1 25:07

It's a code creation . I think that you know just basic things like checking in every month or every fortnight , basic check in . What did I do that turned you on ? What did I do that turned you off ? What are you doing that I like ? What are you doing that I don't like ? That's it , you know and that's really it . I think it needs to be much more complex than that . Like you'll get a lot of answers there . I think this is where , like the deeper layer comes to it , with people being actually honest is a whole different ball game . But turn offs women feeling like their mums and that if I don't do X for him , he's actually not gonna do it . He'll forget , he'll do this , you know . I think like it's a big turn off when men aren't disciplined for women . That's common that I hear .

Speaker 2 26:00

I like to know in , like the things that you see . If women are talking about it , it's like what are the things that they see in their partners that they find that are undisciplined Cause ? I like to put some articulation around this Scrolling Cause some guys would be like I'm disciplined as hell .

Speaker 1 26:13

For sure , for sure , I would say scrolling a big one , not knowing when to turn off work , overworking and , like them , feeling like there's a bottom of the barrel , trying to think Scrolling is the biggest one . Hey , tv scrolling .

Speaker 2 26:40

Any mind-numbing stuff .

Speaker 1 26:42

Yeah , like work , work , work , work and not having time for their partner for like date nights and like brand of shit like that , and then even like to the gym , I think sport , yeah , yeah , watching too much sports that was something that came up in Jesse's and I's relationship like really early on . He would watch fucking four hours of basketball , six hours of UFC fights , this that the other like I think that .

Speaker 2 27:11

So all you wanted to do was watch sports .

Speaker 1 27:13

Yeah .

Speaker 2 27:14

Did you find this ? It's interesting . Did you find that , like you sort of got your need to feel like a hero out of watching sports ? I don't think so Some juice out of this .

Speaker 1 27:30

Maybe , maybe fights , maybe fights , yeah , maybe with fights so intense it's fucking intense .

Speaker 2 27:40

It's like well , yeah , even with like sports it's like some .

Speaker 1 27:44

This is why I've never thought about having the past , but I've learned to let go of loving athletes because you get so committed to them right , and then it hurts to see them lose Interesting .

Speaker 2 27:57

Do you find that that like I don't know if like you find that one common , like dudes who , yeah , you put so much love into that .

Speaker 1 28:06

It's so committed to knowing everything about this one person , Athlete a team For sure , cause I've seen from , like , a woman's perspective .

Speaker 2 28:13

Things were powerful . I've seen from woman's perspective , especially if they're like ah , For sure I don't want to say over obsessive word , but they just love on the sports team , they love on the athlete , but then she's like ah .

Speaker 1 28:22

What about me ? But I get , yeah , what about me ? I get nothing . Like he wouldn't even know what I did today or something like that . Yeah , sports is a big one , for sure . Um , yeah , a lot of my clients like I would say like the pub and stuff , but I haven't heard that in a really long time . Like a lot of my clients , a lot of them are just like a businessman yeah , so a big ones work Just like scrolling and then like wanting to fuck and she's like absolutely not . Yeah , yeah , so it's like I was on a work scroll and fuck .

Speaker 1 28:57

Yeah , you know they love their partners , but women need more intimacy , way more intimacy , and that comes through Dinner's together , talking , touch , like acting like teenagers .

Speaker 2 29:10

Again it's really cool and just to like clarify again on this cause . I just think this is really important on terms of cause . I want to get on it , I'm gonna talk about this and then I'll move to like a bit of another topic . So , clarifying on this point , for women to take responsibility through the discipline so that they can get that . I want you to clarify that again and then I want your opinion . I think it'd be really cool of talking about the like sort of the dynamics of high performers in the situation , because I know that , like a lot of people I talk to , when they're in business together and she runs a business , he runs a business or whatever . Or if she starts running a business and starts kicking ass , he's like fuck , I fall behind . Whereas there's a high performing , or like couples , usually there's some sort of independency that sometimes comes on . So I want to talk about that after .

Speaker 1 29:52

Yeah , so with women and what I kind of speak about a lot with my girls is taking responsibility for . So , whilst their man's can do things that turns them off , they also need to take so much responsibility , for they're probably mirroring the exact same behavior , it just looks different . What's the difference ? Yeah , so , for example , here's watching you have seen , or what's the difference between him watching you have seen , you watching X , whatever it is , or scrolling or overworking , like all it's the same pattern . They're both doing the same shit . So there's also that , and I think a lot of women need to take responsibility for that .

Speaker 1 30:35

And this is where the discipline comes in , because women need to be disciplined like the masculine . The feminine needs the masculine . So , in order to step into a feminine , you need to have structure right . So something that I always say to my girls is like this is why we need to build discipline so you can do your practice . You're disciplined enough to do your practices that make you feel feminine , turned on all those sorts of things . But if you don't have a strong base , yes , you're gonna do your practice for like three weeks and it's gonna be tapped out and something that I learned really on , like honestly , so early on in business was like as soon as you finish work , you do an embodiment practice because you need to get out of like , dah , dah , dah , dah , dah .

Speaker 1 31:16

You know , in business I'm more so in that masculine role . I'm leading my clients , I'm leading business meetings , blah , blah , blah blah . So , like on the drive to Jesse's , it's not another podcast , another fucking training , another this and other that it's music that makes me feel turned on , so I can drop into my body and actually feel so . It's like having the discipline to not take the easy route of just like chucking another fucking playlist on , just pressing play on my Spotify , intentionally going , okay , I'm gonna take some deep breaths , I'm gonna do the things . So I think a lot of women , they don't wanna take responsibility so of how they've co-created a relationship that they aren't fully in love with , because it's easier to be like , oh , it's him , and it's him , and it's him , instead of going like , oh , I actually mirror him .

Speaker 2 31:59

You know , that blows my brain and having that as well . I think it's having some reverence around it , sometimes like , hey , I really like doing my skincare routine as a girl , and the guy's like I actually need to watch sports , and it's like , well , I'll watch a little bit of sports where you do skincare routine and then we can come back together when we're like regulated For sure , and I think like things like for

Transforming Relationships Through Personal Growth

Speaker 2 32:21

women .

Speaker 1 32:21

Something that I always speak about is eating , driving , books , clothing , all these little things in their day that they could tweak and change to make them feel more central , sexual , feminine , whatever .

Speaker 2 32:38

Take notes , guys .

Speaker 1 32:39

But they don't do right , they don't do , and I think that that's something that I really work on my women with , because the thing is , when you're speaking about relationships , like no fucking point me sitting there and going , well , your partner wants to scroll Like I can't coach him . I can coach you , though , and if you do and this is the thing if you do better , if you go , instead of going to him , stop fucking scrolling and stop doing this and stop doing that , you do your embodiment practice . Hey babe , I'm just gonna go do a feminine embodiment practice . Hey babe , you know , like that's gonna shift everything .

Speaker 2 33:14

Everything as a guy Cause then he matches that .

Speaker 1 33:16

Do it for at least four weeks , watch him start to change , watch him start to clean the fucking kitchen or do whatever , and then watch it . Like sometimes and this is the thing I always say to people just shut the fuck up , stop talking and just start doing different and do different . Girls , go do different , don't talk to your man's about it and just let him watch you Like . Something that I learned with Jessie in our relationship was like I started this journey a lot earlier than Jessie and I was once that partner who was like no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , no , you know .

Speaker 1 33:56

And like he's like you think you're better than me , and I was like , yeah , I just think you're fucking better than me , so like we had that dynamic where I started my journey a lot earlier and Jessie had a lot of resistance , and that's something that I see a lot is like a lot of men will say , like you think you're fucking better , but the girls contribute to it Cause they're like yeah , I think I am . So I think that something that I learned with Jessie is he's not an idiot and he is watching and he is observing and he can see that I'm changing and he too shall come with me , or he might not , and that's perfect , but every single time he has every single time , and I didn't have to say anything and I think I learned once . I learned to shut the fuck up , honestly , stop looking at him as a distraction and vice versa . I think like a lot of men would have this like my missus does this and my missus that . Shut up , stop looking at your missus and stop looking at what she's not doing and what she is doing and start looking in the mirror .

Speaker 1 35:01

And I think this is something what I say to my clients and girls at the retreat or whatever . Whether it's I don't care , whether it's your man , your siblings , colleagues , staff , it doesn't matter . Stop looking at what everyone else is doing and is not doing and just do you , because they will come , trust me , they will . I've never had an experience where they haven't you know and solve my clients and once they start to have that , where I think a lot of people are scared to have these really crazy conversations because I think it's gonna change the dynamic of the relationship . It's just like this big old deal and blah , blah , blah , where I'll say to my girls just go and do your thing , put the sexy music on , focus on , stop scrolling and eating . When you're watching TV and you wanna eat and he wants to eat from the TV , separate yourself . Just go to the kitchen bench , just go to the dining table .

Masculine and Feminine Balance in Business

Speaker 2 35:55

It's crazy from like a masculine perspective hearing that if , like my partner come up to me and was like , hey , I'm not gonna eat with you , I'm gonna go do a feminine embodiment practice , I just my mouth would drop . And I would drop my fork on my plate and just be like , oh my God , what the fuck do I have to do now , like immediately . They're so motivating because it's like it's such a big lift up .

Speaker 1 36:17

And imagine if she did that every day for 10 days straight .

Speaker 2 36:21

You'd be a different man .

Speaker 1 36:22

You'd start going for runs .

Speaker 2 36:23

Yeah , you'd be done straight away .

Speaker 1 36:25

You'd be like I should probably go for a run . Stop watching the TV .

Speaker 2 36:29

You would immediately , it would stop immediately . You'd be like , oh shit , yeah , great way to lead relationships .

Speaker 1 36:36

And that's the thing , that's what the retreats are about is like that's why I love the workouts and things like that , because , like , stop talking , stop bickering , stop going like da , da , da and just start leading . And this is the thing where , even in my own journey , the more that I focused on myself showing up , better for myself , doing what I wanted to do , integrating whatever I wanted to integrate whatever Jesse matched me every time .

Speaker 2 37:06

Do you shit his pants ?

Speaker 1 37:08

Yeah , of course . And first , you know Jesse's the most disciplined person when it comes to training . That I know Like bloke trains three times a day , goes for a run , boxes at least get some boxing movements in , whether it's small , and then does some weights , most days right . And rehab meticulously stretches every morning and afternoon . Do you know , like Jesse's never says did you should train , did you should do this , did you I just watch and go ? I should probably stop scrolling and start stretching . It's the same thing . He doesn't have to be on my dick about it , he can just do it . And I'm not nitty yet and I will learn over time and I think that's something that Jesse and I do really well Is like we will just mirror each other and sometimes there might need to be a conversation and sometimes it might not .

Speaker 2 38:06

And that's interesting and I completely get that and I get it with the conversation , so I actually have to talk about this other times to do the thing . How does this and these skills then translate into business and your own personal growth ?

Speaker 1 38:22

I think with business . I think for a woman in business , being feminine has been a game changer because obviously taps into your intuition and stuff like that . But being overly feminine in business it's a bad place to go down because it's just like you cannot be super emotionally led . And I remember one of my mentors . I asked him for a piece of advice one day . I'm like if you had some advice for me , what would it be ? And he's like think like a man and like , whilst that can be , some people can take that in a really bad way . He's like you are too emotional with the way that you think . I was like that is correct and it was actually a good piece of advice . Because one of my other mentors told me if your income is based on your emotional regulation or somebody else's , you're fucked .

Speaker 2 39:19

That's such a good way of putting it .

Speaker 1 39:21

And the reason why they said that to me is , as a personal trainer , if you don't have proper systems in place , your income is based off your client's mood that day . So if they don't show up because they've had a bad day or they've had a bad sleep , you're not getting paid . Like is that how you want to run a business ? That's not sustainable long term . Nor is running a business based off your emotions , and I think that , whilst it sounds pretty savage , there's so much truth to it , because that's how people burn out . They only lead their business from emotion , which means they either need to feel so good all the time , which is not realistic , and they burn out because they start to do all these different things , or their business takes a hit .

Speaker 2 40:01

So Men do that heaps as well .

Speaker 1 40:04

I think like and this is where the discipline and the productivity comes into my business and also the feminine embodiment stuff , because you know for you not to burn out , the thing that I believe about burnout in business , it's not the work to who you are outside of that work . So , for example , I used to have this as a personal trainer when I was personal training . I'm exhausted , and it's like people come into personal training and think training more is a problem . I say no , it's not . Trust me , you could train so much more and you would be fine . Who are you outside when you're training ? Are you scrolling ? What are you eating ? Are you hydrated ? Are you moving ? Are you connecting to your body ? And the same goes in business . Right , a lot of people want to increase their levels of productivity , so they do more , right ? Yeah , great , cool . But there's also a threshold in doing more where you have to expand your capacity . So you need to do like this is the thing to do more . You need to do more . When you do more , you're tired , like . So then you got to do the preventative work . Okay , what am I doing ? And this is the thing I want you to play with the idea that , let's say , hypothetically , the work isn't making you tired , or the workload or your team . Let's look outside . Or it's this or it's that , or it's okay , cool . Let's change that instead of not bringing down your workload , because a lot of people end up looping they do more , can't sustain it , drop down , want to do more . So it's like I have like this cycle that I kind of explain to people . It's like they get motivated by something I want to do more , I want to be more productive , yeah , yeah , fuck . Yeah , she just won online . I want to win too .

Speaker 1 41:39

And then , when you start to do more , you maybe see how disorganized you are , see how much you can't handle pressure . You might see how you feel your insecurities might resurface . And instead of looking at that and actually doing something about it , they cower and they pull back and they go oh , it's the workload . Business is toxic . You know making money is so toxic and it's like , well , no , you were unable to face whatever just came up . So you cower , then you settle for about three or four months . Then you get over it because you're like , oh fuck , I think I'm complacent .

Speaker 1 42:12

You get expanded again and you do the same cycle and the thing is in business with a lot of women I'll speak for women only , because I don't coach men is like they really , really struggle to not see , like they take surface level problems and they think it's the surf , like that's not the problem . The problems what's underneath , and that's either your insecurities , how disorganized you are , who you are outside of your business , the boundaries that you do or don't have , and all that kind of stuff . So I think like that's how it plays in the business , being super disciplined , because it's like you stop talking all the time about your problems and you start solving your problems and going okay , what's the solution to this ? If it wasn't something I always ask myself , if this wasn't the problem , what would be the problem ? And 99% of the time it's something I'm doing outside of my business that's causing the problem . So there's that .

Speaker 2 43:11

Well , that was sick . I feel right now like I am taking notes . I love that . I don't know . One more question for you when we wrap it up . I'd like to know just currently , at the moment , what you sort of seeing like with your clients or in business , or in discipline or relationships or whatever it is Like . What is frustrating you most in this moment , what is like grinding your gears ? That ? You're just like I can just get into people's hands and just what is that ?

Speaker 1 43:41

I think I wouldn't say it's frustration , but I would say it's the inability to meet something or a part of yourself multiple times .

Self-Development and Personal Accountability

Speaker 1 43:52

So , for example , a lot of people do self development work Like now I'm organized , now I'm this , now I'm that , all right , perfect your next level , you're going to meet your disorganization , you're overwhelmed , your frustration , and this again and again , and again , and again and again . And it's like a lot of people let's say , for example , you're someone who's your response is overwhelmed and it's like , yeah , I don't do that anymore and I'm doing so good . And then you experience it again . It's like people fall into victimhood so quickly of like , and they almost forget that .

Speaker 1 44:28

Oh , no , I've done this before . It's like , oh , I'm overwhelmed and this . And that's like no , no , no , you're meeting that part of you deeper again and can that just be okay , can it just be perfect and fine that you have to see this part Like . For me , one of my things is like I do really well and then I get like the ick on business . I don't know if anyone else has it . It's like everything needs to change , like I just I see everything at once and it's like I need to go now , like I'm just have to do it now , like it gives me the ick .

Speaker 2 45:00

I'm currently in that exact case , so I can relate to you right now .

Speaker 1 45:05

I'm like yeah , and it's just like , oh , I'm meeting that part of me again that you know , whilst I'm so organized , it almost feels like fuck , so disorganized . But to somebody else it'd be like she's so organized , but to me that's my thing . So I'm just meeting it again and I have to let that be okay . And I think something that I wouldn't say . It frustrates me . I just see it happening all the time . Whether it be clients or students or whatever , they meet a part of themselves again . Maybe it's they're not good enough , ness , maybe it's their unworthiness , maybe it's their fear of not belonging again and they just refuse to see it . Oh , it has to be like out of alignment . No , you're just meeting a wound again , you know , but I just went through this .

Speaker 2 45:49

I just did it . We do it again Reps , bitches , yeah .

Speaker 1 45:54

Yeah , I think that , and also I had this conversation with an interview interviewer the other day on my membership . Something that irks me and something that we spoke about this weekend was I think we live in a very self-centered society and everything's about me and how I feel , and I think what I would say irks me a little bit is how people are so unwilling to like say , for example , if I'm not in the mood , it's like , yeah , but also my team's relying on me , so it doesn't really matter if you're in the mood or not . Shut the fuck up and just do the thing . I think , like a lot of people don't understand consequences and there are consequences to your actions and it's actually not all about you all the time , and that might be in a relationship or that might be in family dynamics or in your team or whether it's working out . Whether it's working out like , for example , going to the gym it's not just about you . Like it's about if you're a mom or your dad , or you've got kids or a partner or you know you're leading a team or whatever . Like it's about them too .

Speaker 1 47:02

And I think that I grew up playing a lot of soccer where it was like , if you don't train . Go to training . You're benched and your teammates will suffer , Not you , because you'll be sitting on the bench . Your teammates will suffer and , like you , just have to go to training . And I think I grew up in a household where we we operated as a team . I shared a room with my brother till I was 16 , and he was 18 . A bunk bed A bunk bed too , I was 16 . I'll never forget one day I said to my brother I'm like Daniel , why don't you have any girls over ? He's like I share a room with my sister and I have a bunk bed .

Speaker 2 47:46

I'm not bringing any girl here .

Speaker 1 47:48

Airbar . I was like oh yeah , true , true , true , true , true .

Speaker 2 47:51

I have my license and a car . Yeah , literally .

Speaker 1 47:55

So I think I grew up in a household and my mom still fucking draws me with it today and it has its pros and cons . But she'll say to me like it's not all about you , it's not to your world and it's true to a certain degree where it's it's not all about me , my team , it's not all about me . It's like if my , my team are having a bad day and I'm having a bad day , who's responsibilities ? It's mine . Like it's not all about me , it's about my team and my clients and things like that . And even sometimes , when I carry on getting into the ice bath , I always think to myself fuck , if my clients were watching , I'd just get in . So get in , you know . And I love that . I love that , I love the pressure of that and being a role model to so many people in that realm , because it's not all about me .

Speaker 2 48:46

So if you had to give the listeners a challenge from like really what you just said , you give them one challenge that they could like they listen to this and they're like all right , cool , I'm going to go do this now .

Speaker 1 48:56

Fuck , I love a challenge Um what's something that I give my clients .

Speaker 2 49:07

Something in regards to our conversation .

Speaker 1 49:14

Let me give you guys like this is a phone , yeah , something I give to my clients . Like I know a lot of entrepreneurs will listen to this , so it might be irrelevant . But like delete Netflix , delete social media . If you can delete Netflix , delete it . Every streaming app , delete it . If you don't have a business and you have social media , delete .

Speaker 1 49:43

If you do have a business , set some really strict boundaries . Something else I'll say to my clients like before 9am you can use it and after 9pm you can use it , but during the middle of the day , delete the app , fully delete it . Not because you want to do this forever , but I just want you to see and bring awareness to how much time you do waste in your day . Because , yes , we need to learn to live with these apps , just like we need to learn to live with junk food in the house or whatever . But it's the awareness . Sometimes you need to be so sick of your own shit and you need to see it . So for a month , try it . And if you don't want to do that because you're a little bitch , I love that you heard the thing guys .

Speaker 1 50:25

If you don't want to do that , try . I did this thing with my clients like a 20,000 step challenge for 10 days straight and almost acted as if it was a 75 hard challenge , like you have to do 25 steps every day for 10 days straight and if you don't , you have to go back to day one , and what it taught them was how much actual time they have in their day when they make time for it and how much time that they do waste . So if you don't want to do the Netflix thing , do 25,000 steps a day for 10 days straight .

Speaker 2 51:00

I love that . I like both of them . I do with the Netflix one like deleting that , deleting social media . Even throughout the day it was like , yeah , delete it , reinstall it back at night . Like go through the inconvenience of reinstalling it , and you'd be able to see throughout the day because , like you know , I noticed when your subconscious takes over . Like you , just how many ? Times you click the app and you're like why the fuck am I looking in the fridge ?

Speaker 2 51:21

Yeah , you just find yourself like I am on the app and I was not in control of my body I went to click it where it used to be and it's not . I commonly in terms of like a little hack , like after everyone's done the challenge , I like move all my stuff around .

Speaker 1 51:37

For sure , I do that often yeah .

Speaker 2 51:40

Like I need like a full reschedule . Put that there , put that there , make it more inconvenient or convenient , depending on what's that . Like I do a bit of a scramble that I know is myself going to click things like ha suck it , not catching me to that .

Speaker 1 51:49

Even like it's little pockets of time , like why , when I've done this challenge , it's like before you get out of the car , when you're in the line of something , why am I ? Why did I just go to click the app and that's like a little 10 minute period of my day that I could have gotten back .

Speaker 2 52:06

I'm just being more present . For sure Energy doing all the good stuff .

Speaker 1 52:09

I love it .

Speaker 2 52:10

Well , thank you so much for coming on the podcast . Where can people go to find you ? Cause I know guys are probably like quick , where can I go Send a wife ? I also get into the stuff , so like where can people find you , follow you and find everything that you've got available ?

Speaker 1 52:23

Deanna Jukic on Instagram . So that's my personal accounts and then they can find the retreats at the dangerous movement .

Speaker 2 52:36

So we need to Google that on Instagram on Instagram . Dangerous movement on Instagram , yeah . Thank you Do you have to come on to the podcast . I'll stick .

Speaker 1 52:43

Thanks for having me , guys . I'll see you guys next time .