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Set The Standard
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Set The Standard
Why Most Online Coaches Fail - Nick Komadina #281
f you’re an introverted business owner who’s secretly been playing small… this is the wake-up call.
In this episode, I sit down with Nick Komodina a powerhouse in the space of nervous system safety, masculine leadership, and energetic presence to unpack what’s really keeping men stuck.
We dive deep into how trauma and Tall Poppy Syndrome stop you from showing up online, crush your confidence in sales, and make you second-guess every move… even though deep down you know you’re capable of so much more.
This conversation will hit hard if:
• You keep downplaying yourself in rooms
• You say “haha” at the end of texts to not be too much
• You’re secretly scared of success and being seen
• You feel like you’re always on edge or just “managing energy”
We get raw about the costs of shrinking, and the nervous system tools to fix it fast — without needing more strategy or grind.
If you’re done dimming your light and you’re ready to become magnetic as f**,* this one’s for you.
⚡ Follow Nick on Instagram:
👉 https://www.instagram.com/nickkomodina/
⚡ Join Set The Standard (FREE Men’s Community):
👉 https://www.skool.com/setthestandard/about
⚡ Apply For Coaching or 7-Day Magnetic Challenge:
👉 https://8eltyrvzums.typeform.com/to/n777WygR
⚡ 1:1 Coaching Application:
👉 https://www.coreyboutwell.net/speaksoon
00:00 Hiding to holding power
01:15 The curse of Tall Poppy Syndrome for introverted men
03:02 How trauma makes you shrink in business and dating
05:41 Nervous system shutdown vs real masculine presence
08:20 The hidden cost of being the “nice guy”
11:09 My story: Carrying my ex’s trauma and losing myself
13:46 Why most men can’t be seen – and how to fix it
16:20 Masculine Social Dynamics explained
18:37 Nick breaks down leadership energy
21:00 The moment everything flipped in my business
24:30 Tension, edge, and magnetism in real time
26:44 Why you don’t need to “do more” to be powerful
29:05 The 7-day Magnetic Challenge breakdown
31:12 Closing words for the man who’s ready
Apply here https://www.coreyboutwell.net/speaksoon
Join Our Community: https://www.skool.com/setthestandard/about
FREE Mindset Webinar: https://www.coreyboutwell.com/dydp
Make sure you listen to the podcasts all the way through to get your discount code.
Entrepreneurship can take you from the lowest lows to the highest highs. And what a lot of people don't realize is that your business impacts your personal life and your personal life impacts your business, and it's completely naive to think that you don't. And if you're an online content creator and you start doubting yourself, you start caring what people say, you start comparing yourself to other people. There are parts of your shadow that you haven't realized, and today's guest had to completely eat his shadow to become an online entrepreneur worth millions of dollars, but not only not busy and burning himself out, but from a place of fulfillment, love, wholesome and genuine enjoyment for his life. And in today's episode, he's going to share with you all of the content tips, all of the personal development tips, so that you can become the best online entrepreneur that you can be. So please, welcome to today's show. Nick Comedina coach and I am posting like crazy on Instagram, but shit's not converting. Why? Because you're posting shit.
Speaker 2:Is that something that you see? I mean, dude? It's like people overcomplicate, we miss the forest, shooting for the trees. It's like I'm posting two times a day, three times a day, and nothing's going viral. It's like right, because you're just sacrificing depth for width. Depth is what grows right. It's like I want to grow a tree so bad and instead of watering it and waiting, I'm just going to keep planting a different seed. I'm going to keep walking and throwing seeds on the ground and wondering why there's not a tree that I can lay under the shade with. Like it just doesn't make any fucking sense.
Speaker 2:So most people don't care about the person they're making content for. They care about whether or not I can make a piece of content that's going to make somebody give me their credit card. That's the hidden undertone of the agenda. I'm not sitting here saying, what does this person need to hear today? I'm saying, okay, how do I make the perfect hook so I can get them to watch my video? How do I deliver enough value and hit the CTA so that they DM me and then I can sell them? That's what everybody's doing. That's why it's all fucked up. Like you, if you're a coach, if I go to your profile. See on your profile that you're a coach.
Speaker 2:That's storefront, your business storefront I should see a link to be able to click and go that everything else should be value. That's it. I looked into the light and now I can't see you, but you're just all you ever watch the show, friends, yeah okay, you know how much friends is worth.
Speaker 2:I have no idea me neither, but it's a lot of money. Okay, you see people wearing friends shirts, friends lunch boxes, right, all this shit. Never once in the show. Friends, do they say. By the way, if you want to buy some of our merch, do this. Never right. So why do people buy it? The most common thing that people because they get captivated by the show. They see themselves in the show.
Speaker 1:Your group of friends, oh my god, you're phoebe oh my god, you're like joey and we create this inner connection with the show yeah, like by nature we, the voice inside their head just beats them up, we get bought into the characters we see ourselves in them and we get cast. That's the very thing that makes us stops them from taking the next step. Most people are just trying to get a credit card instead of risk, if you want to call it that either. New business value next step in your career.
Speaker 3:They're in their own way because they don't believe they're worth it.
Speaker 2:They don't believe that they're capable of it.
Speaker 1:They're too scared and that voice is just being the down time. Then there's something that started that I believe that at some point in childhood that we don't need to call trauma, but it made an imprint.
Speaker 3:And the beliefs started there. And the beliefs themselves are what caused that voice to just spiral and be like hey, don't do this, You're not good enough.
Speaker 1:Like you said that conversation or you had that conversation wrong. You said something wrong. Let's just spiral about that instead of just taking the next step. So it's getting familiar and friends with that voice. That doesn't need to be so damn lengthy.
Speaker 3:And getting out of their own way. So that's why it's like getting out of their own way.
Speaker 1:It's something inside of them that came from somewhere else, but they still need to get out of their own way.
Speaker 2:No, no no, Empathetic and enablement are not the exact same thing. Empathy means I understand you. I can see the world through your lens without my bias, so you have to actually let me back up just a little bit. The most amount of money you will make is on the flip side of how deep you can understand a certain archetype of person. I've been a coach for 13 years. I have worked with coaches in some capacity for the entire 13 years. So when it comes to speaking about a coach, their mannerisms, their mindset blocks, their deep-rooted shadows, what they actually fear, the fact that they don't feel like anything is ever going to be enough.
Speaker 2:The difference between they're trying to prove their worth and they don't think they're worthy of love. And I can keep going, and going, and going. Is there, is there, I understand?
Speaker 3:I think that's what led me to this is that precision like. There's people who are. I can hit them in almost any piece of content and, because I brain and pathways, neural pathways and most people don't, new sciences that we can look at understand and self-help and support of neural pathways for focus or for energy or whatever, and I believe that when you're actually following something that is the most true to you.
Speaker 1:You're going to get all those things pretty naturally.
Speaker 3:Anyway, as long as you're just being honest and I think that the healing journey and the healing part is, we all know that.
Speaker 1:That's what that voice in your head that you're not just being honest with yourself about self-righteous and you're not being honest with the world about so people can. So we end up trying to optimize, even though between actions we know that if we just sat still there'd be stuff there.
Speaker 2:I look at it like this, and most people you can optimize your brain during that time.
Speaker 1:Subconsciously I've seen this. I'm afraid to be seen that people who get blood work done and look at their hormone health or gut health I'm afraid to offend.
Speaker 1:But if they don't believe they're worth it because how I show outside sources don't help sale or not, so the healing still needs to come from within first. You can't really optimize. Anybody listening right now it's a poor foundation, like if we want to go to the house and now, right, it's like they don't have a good foundation of believing that they're worthy of it or they have looked at all these wounds.
Speaker 3:So we try and optimize, but yet there's still an emotional block. So I believe that you can have optimal areas and some areas you're not healthy in.
Speaker 1:But now it comes into context, what do we define health as?
Speaker 2:person on the internet to buy your coaching, because, would you say a single?
Speaker 1:person, people who are winning anything. You talk about anything.
Speaker 2:You post tour de france or across the games or bodybuilding competitions like for you were you probably a lot of stage right because you go oh, I, I could just say whatever the fuck I want. Yes, that I could just say what you can say, whatever you want regardless, but most people don't. I don't, I don't want to say that, I think. But here's, here's a crazy polarizing because I just I just did a vip session with one of my clients when we did this. If you are overweight and you're doing nothing to change it and you're a parent, you're actually a shitty fucking parent, a really shitty parent. That's a hill to die on. That's polarizing. That's something that'll get you ostracized by a majority of people on social media. Why?
Speaker 1:that's what's gonna give me. Well, because it's like you're pissing a whole bunch of people off. Right, but why are those people pissed off? Because they're confronting their shadow, because it's fucking true. Yeah, right, yeah, but so think about this every single one that I've seen like I wasn't healthy.
Speaker 3:Therefore, I was ready for that task, but we have this image of what healthy is we do not sound like you optimized your diet for the people who were actually during that time based on still having a goal.
Speaker 1:So it's, so there's a, there's optimizing or we're just optimizing for health. To get back to your question, that's my. Really what we're trying to do, I think, is just optimize for health in a given goal knowing that we actually might sacrifice that for an end result.
Speaker 3:That's what I think a lot of people are searching for is optimizing my routine so that I can get the most out of my hours, so I can make the most money, so I can retire by 40. I don't necessarily think it's an imposter syndrome thing. Are you sacrificing your health in there? You might be doing so Just like to get on stage. You might be sacrificing your health and you had to look at optimizing my health while still being able to perform. It sounds like you found that balance.
Speaker 2:You know, whatever, whether that's a parent, a loved one, et cetera you were shown somewhere in your life that who you were and what you were about wasn't good enough and you needed to change it in order to be accepted.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is something I really want to talk about. Let's do it, because what I think is extremely important is how personal development impacts what you're doing in business, online and social media, and I believe I really want to know from you, because you're coaching so many people In regards to, like, what are the little sticky things that you see that-.
Speaker 2:I think the foundation is when it's like, oh say, they have a post.
Speaker 3:Like good food and they get some negative comments.
Speaker 2:Then they go ah, good people around you, or they have to- and I think that's not talked about enough that we're so alone these days. Don't want to do the dm good people around you like.
Speaker 3:What are the things that you see? Obviously like hydration is part of people when they're trying to make it online, um, and then what's like the?
Speaker 2:and yeah, ultimately like moving your body so like taking care of your physical health and challenging yourself. It's funny, I just wrote an entire book on exactly doing something that you're passionate about.
Speaker 1:I want to talk about it so bad like looking at the colors. Yeah, I wrote the book in 34 days well, if your relationship to yourself nice and maybe at the really core of like, underneath all four of those shadows of all is it healthy, then each one of those is also going to be a detriment, which is why I think people self-sabotage with food or the first thing they research to go online.
Speaker 3:You have a massive amount of exposure, eyeballs, attention, visibility, etc.
Speaker 1:As I'm answering it, I'm like maybe there's self-relationship first, and then those are the other four, and there's a big difference between feeling. Then we start looking at all the little things that you can optimize to like yes, and what kind of color, what kind of material where are you living?
Speaker 2:that's going to depend, so like I don't want to build a stucco house in the middle of a freaking rainforest.
Speaker 3:That's more for the desert. When you don't know who you want to look at, optimally, make a post and all of a sudden 50 comments come in, but I think it comes down to like your relationship to yourself piece of shit or whatever around you. Food and you physical fitness and take care of your body um, what are you doing in the world?
Speaker 2:because one of those is missing I think most people are in an extension in your head. One of those is you might think that they're right. They're right and so you're saying all of these people see this in me. Are they right? Do they see what I've been afraid to see in myself? I'm trying to hide from myself. I feel exposed now. Am I a scam artist? Am I a bad person? Am I doing something wrong? Coaching isn't for me. I got to back off. I got to go back into a safe job. So we do, we run, we chase, we hide.
Speaker 1:We run, we chase, we hide over and over and over, like allowing negative affirmations like into your mind and then letting them possess you because you're starting to believe that totally well, everything you do or say is programming you.
Speaker 2:Everything, everything that you don't catch and redirect is programming you. So we have a very interesting approach to this in the world where it's like if I were to say, cory, you're super handsome, you go. No, no, dude, like you, you right. But let's just like back up and look at the very first part of that sentence. I go, cory, you're so handsome. You say, no, right there, you just programmed yourself. I'm not handsome. Okay, right and so. But on the flip side of that, if I said, cory, you're so handsome, dude, and you went, I know, thanks bro, I was talking to somebody last night about this, about why do we think regulation like why, why do?
Speaker 1:we default to that right. If you hear in your circles, but judge ourselves.
Speaker 3:We talk about regulation moments, so we judge somebody else.
Speaker 1:Self-regulation techniques but you know, like my girlfriend said, like I don't believe that we actually do have self-regulation, right every time we can become aware of what's happening and that itself can help calm down in the moment. I know thanks, but until we are, guess what, two, three days able to voice it around others looking at myself, it doesn't really regulate myself like whatever that old emotion was.
Speaker 1:Damn so we need to find places where we can explore what it is that we're really feeling right, so that's what I'm letting all these negative comments community or my social media and I'm giving them so much weight because those are the same negative thoughts I'm feeding myself all day long sad.
Speaker 3:Right now I don't know what to do about it. Externally, I'm feeling shameful. I don't feel like a mess roll, so I go.
Speaker 2:Oh, my god, they're right and, but if I know out loud coach Because sitting by yourself that's not thinking, that's spiraling. I could sit here and tell you that.
Speaker 1:But discovering what it is. Oh, it's shame. I need to talk to somebody about this that to me is the first step. Every time you say it out loud around another human being, it takes the charge away and you become more in tune with it, Like I eat, sleep and fucking breathe this shit and you can then do something about it If somebody's willing to meet me at the depth, I'm willing to meet them.
Speaker 2:there is nowhere on this planet more valuable for that person to be. But how did I? Am I just saying that because I'm fucking full of myself? No, I'm saying that because I've programmed myself over 13 years.
Speaker 1:I've constantly seeked out affirmation for that. I feel like I was craving it. For so long I looked for talking about this story last night as well. Continuously brainwashed, gaslit manipulated myself into being a better version of myself. Did you think that just comes down to self-worth?
Speaker 2:because in australia we have this thing called, like tool poppy syndrome and it's just coined that in australia, it's all around the world and it is just judgment until I can look back and be like, oh, I am handsome, like thank you so much and being like well, why would you say that about yourself?
Speaker 1:Like, that's like bringing us down.
Speaker 2:I think we all go through a part of the face, but it wasn't that which is wonderful. It was being here in Austin and meeting coaches and spiritual yeah, I don't know what happened the crabs, the crabs, the crabs, the come back, be with us, don't be different because then I have to think oh, there's my being like, everybody's like lined up right, talk to them the same, and what I think I don't feel safe about, like the journey there's something in me that was like but am I missing something like the more self-worth something?
Speaker 2:broken in there and I kept kind of questioning that like why is it that other people want to really, but I don't.
Speaker 1:I'm allowed to really love myself. I'm craving something.
Speaker 3:That's why I'm there, because, like they are being looked up to what am I missing?
Speaker 2:permission, so I want to be around here's the thing is?
Speaker 1:we're just didn't know exactly what it is I'm searching for, until I got into a training that was based in europe fully expressed and we had a shadow work call for us and there was somebody on the first call who just like went to, like hey called me out like nobody ever did, but you're too emotional and it like made me so mad in that moment, this asshole.
Speaker 1:You're a narcissist and I was listening to every podcast back in 16, 17 or so real shit. So you go oh shit, let me conform. Then I started everybody else, but then you wonder why you don't stand out. Then you wonder why nobody trusts you. It's one of those like shattering moments where I was like you're a fucking sheep. He talks about no ego. This is I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't know what sheep is the one that's got and so I bring it up on the call, because this guy from europe wanted to come to austin and he was talking about the world transformed.
Speaker 2:I just shared my story.
Speaker 3:I was like look right yeah it doesn't make sense, but this is what happened for me, like for me and all the things that you very much trigger you and that you don't like about him learn to love yourself, and I was I remember leaving that call
Speaker 2:going for a walk outside with the dog and, being like you know, rub crystals up this guy like he is not right at all, like that is not like me, that is not.
Speaker 1:No, I am nothing like that. No, I'm just saying it's not the only. Two and a half years later and I've got three right now, it triggers me because I don't go anywhere without my msx crystal on my eyes. That's how strong my ego is. It only triggers what I see would be possible in myself.
Speaker 3:And so going through that journey was honestly the biggest transformation was that call was happening every two weeks, and so what I have to really get these people to understand is that you can't try to fit yourself into a box that you were meant to shatter for everybody.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that I still try and convince them. I didn't realize I was because I was being afterwards everybody's trying to convince where my whole life people have told me I'm right and he's like.
Speaker 3:You don't have to convince me. Like you can't grow a fitness business this way. You can't. You're just mad, or you can't get a girl coaching like enough.
Speaker 1:You need to run ads and I'm like fuck that.
Speaker 2:No, I don't I'm gonna do it, just being in that loving presence, right everything that you're saying I call it out and see it so easily, I don't resonate, and then so me being like fuck that flustered, who's always had that has worked for you and me, being like just shut down and you're not going to be able to stop because but I wanted that though I didn't realize, like I see, why did I keep showing up?
Speaker 3:then I'm not trying to fit into what's working right now I'm building what's going to come, where all of me was welcome and I wasn't finding that, but because of that meeting all these people here.
Speaker 1:I thought that's what I was hearing on this podcast. Meeting like seeing them online reality. And then I'm there and I don't feel welcome, and then again I didn't realize this until later. That that's what it was. I didn't feel like I could actually be myself.
Speaker 2:It felt like I needed to like, can you as a be higher?
Speaker 1:or move upwards or do the ceremonies I'm like speaking a message.
Speaker 3:That's a earn. My right to be in that circle, as opposed to what's talked about, is being human, be yourself, and that's what we're here to do is just love every part of us we don't talk about that enough with loving, like you said, the shadow part.
Speaker 1:I'm mad about that. I hate that part of me. I learned to love that part and that's actually the path to freedom for you what?
Speaker 2:the path to freedom for you what?
Speaker 3:and that's been the biggest it's like like awakening and journey has tried all the medicines so let me go break into his house loving presence for all of his clothes. Start wearing them and pretend to be him, so that I can get a girlfriend that doesn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 2:Why would I put on your clothes?
Speaker 1:pretend to be you I guess you're right, but I don't want to admit you're right because me as you, and then wonder why I feel like nobody actually connects and sees me yeah, it's crazy. Do you think that instagram like this the way that it's built and shows up has this sort of spiritual thing to it, like how the whole algorithm and everything works, dude, okay well, I love this looking back.
Speaker 3:You can always like it's a really good question. Am I losing?
Speaker 1:because, now I can say what I really I promise thing happened so we all I mean not having a good father figure we know that in the way that I look up to he was a great teacher of all the things I don't want to be.
Speaker 3:It is so I think, looking at people, you can manifest in places to be that in a way and then meeting them and having a crumble and being like so if I sit, down what the hell and I say what am I supposed to use as a guide?
Speaker 1:then it has to be within the realm of looking at this, and this doesn't almost feel safe every time I say how much money you want to make per month when people join.
Speaker 2:They're like five million dollars a month. I'm like how much you're making right now, like 300 and I'm like that's it's never gonna work right because it's so far away from what you perceive to be possible that you're like, oh, yeah, like whatever. But if you say like I'm gonna like whatever, yeah, like what the hell. But if you say like, wow, I'm going to sit down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I didn't know what I was doing.
Speaker 2:That by searching these people out, I knew that there was something behind the message Maybe you're making more than that, and that's what's great.
Speaker 3:So that's why I want to say like I love what they do because it got me into the exact opposite it's like well, that one, it was the same.
Speaker 1:It was just me protecting myself, that big old ego in a different way body that but because it was seeing the spiritualism.
Speaker 2:On that side I was like I'm an energy match, for I don't want to be, like that algorithm
Speaker 3:like that is the same. It's its own ego tricks itself, and so I think it was a self-comparison per se, but I didn't realize it was like shattering those moments of somebody.
Speaker 1:I okay, I'm like, well, hey, that's moving towards something. I don't know what very quick this resonates. Let me go down that road the algorithms, you know, never meet your AI integrated algorithms, but I think it's. It's also exactly what's needed.
Speaker 3:I don't know if you notice this but, you open up your explore page and you what is it inside of me? Everything you love. Now there's no videos where you're like I don't know why this is on my explore page. I've never seen that not be the path it hand delivers you content that you like.
Speaker 2:The AI is getting so fucking smart. It knows what words you say, it knows what your background looks like, it knows what kind of person you are, it knows where your setting is and everything, and it goes. Oh, corey is talking about the exact thing that all of these people like. Let me go hand deliver it to those people. You don't need ads anymore. The ai literally does it for you. If you're talking about real fucking shit I do.
Speaker 1:It makes so much sense, man because I feel like as well because when you're watching a piece of content, you can see things.
Speaker 2:I talked about last night so I remember exactly what's thread, but it never lies.
Speaker 3:It never lies and you can see if someone's talking about two years ago or something that's finding this was the biggest path to healing doesn't work.
Speaker 2:After trying what I have said trying is legit. The facts in here is legit, so statistically proven.
Speaker 1:This piece of content should have slapped and then I've just been talking shit, talking about psilocybin like ceremonial stuff.
Speaker 2:That's something up known for healing a minute but yet posted.
Speaker 1:I wanted to try them and it still worked and it kicks open the door but it wasn't until I found these places where I could actually be myself and then that being loved while sober, it's like you can be yourself on these mushrooms and everyone has a good time. But then what? Like? Who fucking cares if you stutter like not a single. My whole company knows, like all my clients know, when I do a presentation there's gonna be.
Speaker 3:You weren't really scared in that moment and I believe because I type, I type quick, I don't fucking care, here's the message, but never wants to do my clients anyway, and that's what. He can't even fucking. Yeah, he can't even fucking spell, right, he is.
Speaker 2:So unfit to be a leader right they laugh.
Speaker 1:Yep, that's nick always fucking typos.
Speaker 2:Yep, that's me. I stumble on my words. Yep, that's me. I say some offensive shit on accident. Sometimes it's like, well, I'm recording everybody else is getting some healing from it.
Speaker 1:So what do I need to?
Speaker 3:look at you know it's like I want to make sure I'm, and then I'll just go right back to it and my clients crack up dude, they love it, I'm not sitting here trying to say my speech over and over and over again to get it perfectly robotic. I want to see what benefit is there for me, and of course there is. Yeah, that's why shit doesn't work for people.
Speaker 1:They try to get too polished, too clean, too perfectly scripted the ceremony isn't and then they literally sound like a robot while they're talking 100 I also sat with you as well, and that's where I think it's missed in most circles is what do you do with it afterwards, stuff like that.
Speaker 2:You also know the strategy from that I think most people go and I find like a lot of people just get caught up looking at amazon, south america, but the amazon prime of ordering something like oh, I went to a weekend, like, oh, face, this is why my business isn't working, and then nothing really changes in their life, freaking out about you know the numbers and I didn't want to be like that, so I was like I focused on actually have.
Speaker 1:What do I do with it then?
Speaker 2:like strategy and that kind of eventually led to somebody leading me to this training.
Speaker 1:Yeah, if you're like a coach of course, this room that was online.
Speaker 2:That's what you just call it this room online. What would you suggest?
Speaker 1:it just sent me like they're not getting the results they want on instagram.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, first of all, what's the result that you want? Right, I want views. No, you don't. You want clients. That's what you want and that's cool. Right, dude, you can go back on my instagram right now. Most of my reels get 2,000 to 3,000 views. I crush six figures in recurring a month. Organically, right, like, I don't have to think about that Anyone's limiting belief right now.
Speaker 1:Just like go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it's like I get 2,000 to 3,000 views on my reels if I'm lucky. Sometimes they pop off. I'll get four to six right Two three years ago, dude, I would sit in my car and film a video and get 50 000 views consistently, you feel like it's like I get out of here.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, my engagement's gone. Instagram shadow ban me. That's my favorite. I'm shadow ban. No, you're not. Nobody just fucking cares about what you're saying.
Speaker 3:Like it's not that it's not that complicated dude, but like take ownership, right yeah but ownership because I know that if I post anything on my page about relationship dynamics dude I post one video saying men should pay all the bills. I get a million views every time. Bring it to one of your videos. Every time I go viral.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I can have some fucking humility and I can realize that what I'm speaking about all my other pieces of content just not that fucking interesting for the masses. Cool when you're completely sober and conscious, and that's what's going to make lasting change and that takes practice.
Speaker 2:So it's not just the one and done, so that's where.
Speaker 3:I think it's both, and the good places that I've seen do medicine and offer that have a container afterwards to support you and that's required both pre and post medicine Whoa To do the work ahead of time.
Speaker 1:That's why I post content In preparation and then work afterwards. You should put that on a t-shirt, I should.
Speaker 3:Because if it's just that by itself, that is fantastic. I've been selling it on my answer board. I'm back to me. I like games on time. I've just made content to sell that yeah yeah, we're not going to undo 30 years of that habit. In one weekend we can see where they came from, but it's going to take practice ongoing and I think that's what is most important so you might be able to do that with the right places that offer that with medicine and support but you need ongoing places to actually be yourself and integrate everything that happened and, for me, integration is
Speaker 2:what you're thinking and what you're showing up in the world with are aligned, because when they're not, that's clients say yes to the wrong client.
Speaker 1:I got a whole chapter of this in my book. So there's a few things here.
Speaker 2:One money is worth more than youth when you're at this state, you don't care about your values, your beliefs, your boundaries, they do not matter. Somebody paying you a couple hundred dollars a month is more valuable than your inner peace, so what?
Speaker 1:else does that look like?
Speaker 2:Just to give some context, because I'm like this is fantastic, but I want to know more. Yeah, so it's like people go. I hate this type of client. It drains me so much. I hate working with them. But they're my car payment. You start getting people to come in and you start doing the math in your head. Someone just signed up for me. $400 a month, hell yeah, if I just get two more, that's my rent. And so now what you've done is you've removed the human face and you've put transactions on your clients. Ah, they're my car payment. Oh, they're my groceries. Oh, they're my insurance. Oh, they're my rent. Now you have this massive survival instinct, attachment to them of like I can't have them leave, because if they leave I don't have a car payment anymore. So instead of playing offense and growing and innovating, you now play defense and you start over delivering from a manipulative and needy standpoint.
Speaker 1:What does that look?
Speaker 2:like. So people say, oh, I'm everything. I used to do this when I was fitness coaching. I, at the peak of my fitness coaching career, I had 147 active clients on my roster, my personal roster, one-on-one clients 147. It was insane and I really marketed myself and and felt a lot of pride and I was everything for everyone, like I'm everything for my clients. My clients would facetime me at 10 pm if if they were going through some shit in their relationship and I would talk to them. All my clients called me dad and I would text them and like I was everything for them. What need was?
Speaker 2:that for feeling of yours, by the way. So here's the thing I convinced myself I'm an amazing coach because I go above and beyond for my clients. Really, I was making sure that I was unabandonable because I did not feel worthy of anything. So if I can be everything for everyone everyone they will not abandon me and in return, I abandoned myself in order to get that. Was that like your darkest moment?
Speaker 3:it led to my darkest moment yeah, I was in a relationship at the time, very toxic people cheating on each other ego I think because you don't have your center of ego is just so good at being like oh, but we faced this but I like didn't know and so we figured something out that other people haven't lived dark period and I know I've gone through this phase, too, where I didn't start seeing the world of like, um, oh, I can't believe that you drink and you're like low.
Speaker 1:You know I, I wouldn't, I couldn't understand so much more high vibe why? And it's like, that is actually maybe even more dangerous than just living in the world and just enjoying your all day.
Speaker 3:We'd be sitting and watching netflix I'm gonna be on my phone putting yourself higher than other people and be like, can we not?
Speaker 1:and so, yeah, you need to be doing the work consciously ongoing to be like, yeah, you did this one, but like we're just watching, it didn't really change, it probably just has a new concept of because he goes just super tricky like that I didn't understand why.
Speaker 3:Why does it?
Speaker 2:matter. Look how great to be fully present with you if we're just watching and then I had no concept.
Speaker 1:And then it just says, okay, we're just gonna hide this in a new way. So that way for the next six months it's kind of hidden.
Speaker 3:And then the six months you're like I'm going to go to the car, patrick and I listened to my mom talk about how most shitty my father was for not paying child support on time.
Speaker 2:So I created this inner story in my head Okay, a man is only worth how much money he can provide for his family.
Speaker 1:So, my love language, because I didn't know what love languages were. It's always there. For me especially, I need to work as hard as possible, make as much money as possible, so my partner knows how much I love them, of what I think. So I was just very confused. It was like you work so much you don't have time for me.
Speaker 2:I'm like so removing that and saying like 11 pm. Like I'm editing youtube videos so I can go, you know, make a name for myself and get clients and make this money like. Look at our house.
Speaker 1:Look at our cars, look at everything that we have.
Speaker 2:Like, what do you mean?
Speaker 3:I don't love you making sure I understand I'm meeting unrealistic expectations that I put on myself, so I had to be everything for my clients to create codependent relationships.
Speaker 1:I mean, I really think it comes down to? I don't think because if I became so integrated in their life if I became their coach their friend their therapist, their father figure.
Speaker 3:But I can maybe bring up an example of a time where I would have reacted differently which means they were mine Like there was conflict with someone I was dating a few weeks ago.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you're like okay, when I'm needed, that's when I feel safe. I just said, hey, I just want some space for this afternoon. And so this translates over to friendships, and previously I went wrong in that moment, or might even have asked for space.
Speaker 3:I would have been trying to, so let's just start there. I would have been like okay, there's something wrong here, I gotta show up and like how perfect it is problems.
Speaker 1:But instead, I asked for space previously, I would have been thinking about all the ways to try and be better and fix this and justify all my actions, to show how perfect it is that I actually care. Why is nobody checking in on me myself, my needs?
Speaker 2:well, because I'm presenting myself as somebody who doesn't need to be checked in on. We are trained to not check in on the strong ones, so we high achievers, we position ourselves as the strong one. I've got all the problems. I've got all the answers. I'm good, I'm doing. Great thanks for asking. How are you? Is there anything I can do to support you? How's your your business doing? How's this going? Have you tried this? Why don't you try that here? Come over, let's do this.
Speaker 1:I was like, well, maybe asking for space is the original thing that I wouldn't have been able to do, because I would have been like, no, I need to solve this right now because if it's not and there's this word not actually here and cares more about you. Look how much I care about yes, it's manipulation please see everybody, I just care so much about my clients. No, you don't. It's like what do I need?
Speaker 1:no, you don't you actually don't care about them at all because if we slow down and actually sat with that, I think that's the perception of you with clients about how they, how they praise you, and so because of that you go above and beyond to get that dopamine. I'm going thank you.
Speaker 3:You changed my life.
Speaker 2:That's what you want. What do you need? And because that's what you want, you'll actually never help them change their lives.
Speaker 1:Wow, what do you need? Yeah, it's because you don't want them to change. Most people just get mad. It's like big pharma.
Speaker 3:It's like I don't want to cure you.
Speaker 2:I want to keep you getting better. Just now I barely even know what I need, let alone what you need.
Speaker 1:You sick, so you stay a returning customer, but that you can hear that thrown out there all the time and it just takes that, yes, yes. So I don't know what was the moment that you realize and what did it feel like to look at? Like what?
Speaker 2:do I really need?
Speaker 1:oh, is it some space? Is it just a hug? Most drain. How much do we argue when we really just like feel so?
Speaker 2:disaffected, and a hug would just be like oh, I'm actually like I think it was. I was just, it was disconnected the week needed to be, the week that I had found out and, finally, we don't want to ask for that because that's also a shameful one that that my partner was being a burden to someone. Right, and so it's.
Speaker 1:Those are the types of masks where, like I'm a bird, which is what the my fidelity as well, and kind of hides is well if I express my kind of burden so I'm gonna be perfect by I knew it not being.
Speaker 2:I knew that's what you're doing. That's why I did what I did. I'm not a burden to anybody because I'm not going to share that out loud because that's how that works. My problems are fine, like what do you, and I'm here.
Speaker 2:We can't be here for you, to make you happy and I was like okay, um, and I really wanted to save it, but I didn't know who I was anymore, because I know it's the original sin of the bible identity I created for myself, adam did right. It's like the relationship, the business, the house.
Speaker 3:Okay, well, we can take care of the marginalized and the snake as well.
Speaker 2:The false whenever you need false mask.
Speaker 3:That I was let me make you happy, so I think that's why men's common now that I was feeling at the root of it is like not feeling like enough.
Speaker 1:And the most common thing I see with women, is feeling like I was about to pull the trigger and I heard a voice say no.
Speaker 2:Who was the first scared me. I thought somebody was in my backyard.
Speaker 1:Nobody was there first man made me wish god was like whatever you need, love, if that's what you believe, one of the hardest.
Speaker 2:And then he also doubled down on that by lying and saying you gave me this woman and she told me I should have done this.
Speaker 1:But I think that the you see it on both sides 100%. But I do believe it's because, like it represents, even if you believe the Bible or not. It represents an archetype of men truly just want women.
Speaker 2:happy, it was one-sided.
Speaker 1:It was very like Nick was cheating on me and we're willing to suck.
Speaker 2:So much he's awful. He's this, and I didn't say anything because I was like it was like how could you?
Speaker 2:do that to me if you loved me the way that I feel, like I love you like I. I was like I can't defend myself unless I destroy your public image and I'm not willing to do that, you know. And I was like damn, yeah, I fucked up and I was manipulating people, but like deep down there was, there was like a sense of love that I had for this person. And then once I saw that, I was like I don't feel like that was reciprocated. I think I can remember that line just in case.
Speaker 2:But then I had to kind of take ownership and it's like well, how could anybody love me or support me? I never let them see me. I never let them see who I really was. I let them see a, a polished condescending person who presented himself as not needing anybody so how could they possibly know my heart?
Speaker 1:yeah, I show them. Oh, I think that we genuinely do and I think that's misplaced and not seen enough. That was a huge ego. Is that for me? I do just everybody hates women. Happy. Okay, whatever you need, because, including like right now, I'll be at the gross of like a feminist movement. It's like hey, if you want to work, great half of a store work.
Speaker 2:We're like whatever you need.
Speaker 1:We just want you to have like we just want to defend. I mean, I think everybody does, but it's just I no longer resonate with, so I do see a lot of men, or more so, being the people pleaser it's not to say it's one-sided. I mean, I'll look this up as part of looking at who do I help the most well?
Speaker 2:it's me. I can heal, I can let it said like 49 of americans identify with people, please. That's what I did so in regards to half the population I didn't look at them in how you were splitting I think, no matter what, we all have something that happened because I'm assuming that's like a taking care of other people.
Speaker 1:It's not to say that we won't ever undo that, because I believe that's what we're here to do it's like one of those stories.
Speaker 2:Come back to the regulation part and like we don't do these things alone, I've got but it's so much love for her your value is determined, just not for each other and we were pretending that we were, and that's why things got really fucking bad.
Speaker 1:I'm only valuable and I'm only safe here I've got so much love for that time in my life versus literally changed. I'm safe by myself. You're safe for yourself. How did you build like leadership? Because I care about you and what were like the moments as you're growing in regards to leadership with content and business after that, after that, which was different to the mask, so if you had like mask nick, and then you know, integrated, like what was the so dark, so deep?
Speaker 2:to be honest, when I when um up to that point of our breakup, I actually was very document of of my life, like I had like five. I have a youtube channel that has five, six year years of videos on there like 350 plus videos on this youtube channel and, uh, I stopped after that breakup just still, to this day, brings. I don't document my life like that anymore and that's something that I'm like recently aware of, like, holy shit, my, my life stopped being shown after that because I was afraid of being judged and and um, like just being. Eventually, it does get very tired of people who are completely hell-bent on making sure they misunderstand you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, yeah, like eventually it gets really fucking exhausting. I mean, dude, I can't even sneeze.
Speaker 1:It's tough and I think that's red being made about.
Speaker 3:That was part of the conversation last night too. It wasn't related to what we were talking about. Still waiting for that?
Speaker 1:yeah, I mean it's like dude, you can go, anybody listening.
Speaker 2:Go look me up on reddit you will see, there's a self that's back there and pages of people just held that we have these parts and patterns that take over and and like that's cool and we lose, we lose sight of it and we all do like you said whatever I call it in my course, meet the squad. It's like because there's more than one part or pattern that's being triggered constantly and the days you feel the most depressed my leadership.
Speaker 1:It's very interesting.
Speaker 2:There's multiple parts yelling at you in your head and you're the self I can observe and recognize if you practice that that's where I think the regulation piece can come in, it's like, okay, and I can go into myself and be like for the last what is it that you're yelling about over here?
Speaker 1:why is this? Voice so loud today and once I realize what that is, and then practicing it out loud. That's when it becomes like just now quieter.
Speaker 2:You know, and I've told practicing getting it out loud. I've I've, but we need to practice noticing and recognizing there is a part of our squad and I actually.
Speaker 1:It's triggered and takes over last week, and these deeply rooted archetypes are one of my stories and I said hey, guys like there's a reason they're called archetypes, because if you strip everything else away, like it's shown up, across time and humanity and I love to finally feel like I love that proud of the man that I am again. We think we're coming up with our own thoughts, but like where do these thoughts come from and so I'm gonna come back.
Speaker 2:Like they just show up that shadow. I mean it doesn't it makes sense, but it doesn't like oh it just that was my thought.
Speaker 3:It's like no like how do I like thousands of years of humanity just popping in here and it's different archetypes and I love looking at that like, oh, where did that come?
Speaker 1:from integrate, oh, and to connect to what I was sharing last night of needing to post, the hardest part of this work for me that I have validation kind of that was like question really the thing myself on and I also I'm kind of looking at a transition which I'd love to share publicly, for praise is when you get familiar with them all for me and you start stripping away all the masks because you might realize you don't really know who you are, and then you feel the most lost.
Speaker 3:I gotta be able, oh to. I don't even like my friends. Oh, I don't feel close to my family. Oh, I don't like my job, like, oh, I don't eat.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't take care of myself so all those pillars, all of a sudden?
Speaker 3:start crumbling, because you look at yourself and you're like so I don't even know who the self is, because there's always been these repartion that does, and, as you're talking, I'm thinking about the transition when people start doing the work.
Speaker 2:Is, you know, a coach, and I was in it for 18 months and my goal with the work right now is and they're online.
Speaker 1:I hope I can help you shrink that down to like three to six months at most, because it's going to be a journey and they go. But I was lost for a while after going through some of those courses where I'm like this person has a perfect. I have no idea who I am or what to do, and I'm like I'm just gonna keep showing up every day, but why?
Speaker 1:but I'm not like against it, but I'm not for it and I don't shit with people like I'm just accepting everything. I'm just in this space because I have no idea who I am or what I even want or need I call it the terrorizer.
Speaker 2:But, what I've also seen and landed on now that I want to connect to where I want to go is the higher we aim at something that does fear us or causes fear in us Turn down the knob on this thing.
Speaker 3:That's why we drown ourselves. We've talked about this, I think existential kink.
Speaker 1:We're going to walk without a podcast. We can't go outside without an audio book. Fear is excitement without the breath.
Speaker 3:So if we're really scared to go do something we're actually excited about it, Just remember to breathe, and the higher that aim is the smaller all those parts of us become, and then the analogy last night that I came up with was from this very point here in Austin, if I'm trying to get to the end of the street, and I was like there's my destination.
Speaker 2:Things in the way like cones or trees and fences from a straight line those are going to seem like bigger obstacles, because I'm just trying to get there to the end of the street like, but from right here in austin, if I'm going to mount everest india, you should have killed yourself.
Speaker 1:I'm not worried about these little obstacles in my head every time I'm on a I made a destination goal and those it says you should just jump.
Speaker 2:And those obstacles are the same. They didn't change. There's a voice in my head that says who cares what you do?
Speaker 1:Nobody fucking loves you the higher.
Speaker 2:I aim at something.
Speaker 3:There's a voice when I'm running, and whatever your Everest is is what I would shoot for.
Speaker 1:Running has been very spiritual for me and that makes facing all these parts that get loud. It makes them quieter them quieter.
Speaker 2:It makes them easier to look at. They're not as big of obstacles. Start running when you're aiming the highest. But since then that voice, it comes to us in two places. The most it comes to us when we're still and it comes to us right we're on the edge of breaking out of a comfort zone. So when I first started running, once I got to about a mile and a half is when that voice would come up and it would say it's a negotiator. And it would say it's a negotiator right.
Speaker 2:It's a terrorist, it's a negotiator and it would say dude, like you already ran this mile way faster than you had before, you don't need to push any harder. Like you can't breathe, your heart's going to go, you're going to hurt yourself, you're not going to recover, Don't do this. Like you can't run, etc. And I would say I'm not available for that conversation, like I'm not available for this and I would run a little bit further. Boom, I won.
Speaker 2:Next time I ran, it wouldn't come until two miles, then three, then four, then five. Now the the voice goes okay, cory's too strong at the two mile mark for me to come for him, so now I'm gonna go wait at the three mile mark for him, right. And so that voice terrorizes us every single time that we're about to get better, and every time we're about to get still. Because they're the same thing your, your, your real growth and evolution happens in stillness, especially if you're a high achiever. That's why the chase never stops, because if you're constantly moving, you're not going and doing the work that you need to do, which is in stillness that's why the voice terrorizes you out of it and then terrorizes you.
Speaker 2:Remember, remember those old, um, those old screensavers on old computers where the block would like hit and tap, yeah, and you'd like wait for it to hit the corner and you'd freak out. That's exactly how. But it never would. But did it right. But that's exactly how we operate inside of our, our comfort zones. We're about to. The box is our comfort zone and every time we go the voice scares us back, yeah, scares us back, scares us back. But if we push through, that box gets a little bit bigger 100 and then we can have more, more free range in life we have more more capacity.
Speaker 2:We have more wealth, we have more, and that's where um the have more capacity.
Speaker 1:We have more wealth. We have more opportunity. Well, and that's where the conscious community goes wrong and I think we all go through that phase. I know I did. I don't know about where you feel in this. The second that I start hearing that voice showing up and saying like do this, do this, do this and supposed to I'm close to something new.
Speaker 3:Leading the life there's a different relationship with it.
Speaker 1:It's like we want to help other people, so we want to help wake them up. I study the hero's journey a lot for my coaching, and it's more if he says it in the Matrix right, some people are just not ready to be woken up. They don't want to be there. Their mind can't handle it, no matter what age. And to connect what you said, it's like there's also an age cutoff. He mentions that with neo's, like we have an age cut off that we don't actually yeah, usually break the rules, for you're not ready for, but it was worth it.
Speaker 3:Ready for it's like good.
Speaker 1:You might be the one, if you're not ready, it's like well, like well, if we just all just created, like that story, that we might be the one, maybe that's worth it. But because, if you don't coming back to, it's fascinating that even there I speak to that there might be an age cut off, for the psyche might not be able take this level of comfort over here. It's shadow work. It is shadow work.
Speaker 3:Instead of getting louder of like, please. We want to help you wake up. I have a relationship with God. Live by example of what a loving free to choose what I want life to look like.
Speaker 1:I have my own relationship with everything. Well, if I'm angry over here and I'm angry over here, then why not?
Speaker 2:just stay over here, it's automatic. I can at least have some sense of control, but you have no idea where you want to go and it's all for you. That's scary.
Speaker 1:I don't want that. Also about the hero's journey. We think about shadows and facing fear at every point of the comfort zone before expanding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I completely lost my train of thought.
Speaker 1:We can get back to that. There was something I didn't want to talk about. Okay, I want to know, from your perception, the signs and symptoms that someone who is working online has that lets them know that they're ready for a change in their identity. It's like what you see most, or what happened to you, is when you're like oh, these are started.
Speaker 2:These are the signs you're starting to see this I start with creatine and you're like what else could I optimize inside of this?
Speaker 1:let me start, and you're like what else could I optimize inside of this? Let me start looking at my food.
Speaker 2:Oh, what else could I?
Speaker 1:optimize. Let me look at, oh man, like the quality of food. Inside of this quality of protein, what?
Speaker 3:else is there.
Speaker 1:Well, I notice I do better if I sleep. Okay. So what happens when?
Speaker 2:I sleep better.
Speaker 1:Okay, so like what am I more fulfilled in?
Speaker 2:It's like it literally just like starts going down that rabbit hole, and for me it was. I don't get it, my content.
Speaker 1:I'm doing all these PT sessions and then there are people. As soon as they move, they're dumping emotions and I was always just curious as to why. But yet they're not necessarily always getting changed even if they're doing the workouts.
Speaker 2:So I started going down nutrition and the nutrition course for precision nutrition was the whole first like six months, was just emotions and I was like we're going through a nutrition course and it's talking about like your high emotions.
Speaker 3:You're an elevated and so I was like, okay, well then, it's nothing to do with the food, it's nothing to do with the fitness, it's the emotions. No resonance with you and right, getting that to shift revenue follows resonance, so when you're posting things.
Speaker 2:That was the first two out of three modules and then the third module is more about all the details. But revenue follows resonance, right, so you don't resonate with that content.
Speaker 1:John berardi, who found a precision. Thank you because you're like, but that's what works, but that's what works. Mentor, from that, I mean, that's the one who?
Speaker 3:put that together, because that's what exactly that we have such an emotional tide of food so I think that's what leads it down to like okay, well, I want, I'm working out and I want to do a little better working out.
Speaker 1:I think all of us crave this They've calibrated to you?
Speaker 3:Have you heard the bliss machine?
Speaker 2:analogy, that's number one. I think all of us do crave, improving even the people who are just going through their lives, and that's what's so interesting.
Speaker 1:How do?
Speaker 3:you meet them where they're at. I'm curious as to your input on this, but this bliss machine idea was, let's just say, if you could get electrodes into your brain that's number one.
Speaker 2:I would say number two is that you start to feel very you are now in bliss state for the rest of your life, but when you feel burnt out, it's because what you're doing is the truth, not a single person says yes and it's like okay, what would you want instead? I'm meant for more than this. I know I'm, then, for more than this. I know I'm. What would you want instead?
Speaker 1:Then let's just take fitness coaches, for example. Right, it's like, why do you say no?
Speaker 2:Here's your workout plan Three sets of five.
Speaker 1:It's normal to go up two pounds.
Speaker 2:You're fine. You're not gaining body fat.
Speaker 3:It's not how it works you know you don't gain two pounds of fat overnight, and then does that give you more?
Speaker 1:no but I just wear my clothes.
Speaker 2:That's the next step, like most people you know and so it's like even even like I love we have tiered programs in my community. I love my alchemist academy students, but my team was literally like dude, you got to get out of this fucking program. Alchemist academy is tier one fat loss.
Speaker 2:No, no, alchemist, we do business business yeah, alchemist academy we take online coaches from um anywhere from like 5, 8, 8k or to zero, all the way to 20k, recurring in their business. That's our, that's that program locked in there and in that there's a lot of just like level one problems.
Speaker 1:Right, and my team a lot of people did too you are.
Speaker 2:You are literally. We see you being drained energetically by yeah, by getting on these group calls and answering the same fucking questions every because, like dude I, it's not expensive for you. Here's the thing is. I don't have a filter. I also have a little bit of autism, so I have a really hard time hiding my face when I'm annoyed at someone.
Speaker 3:I just like I'll everybody knows where I stand. I don't lie, I'll just try. I've answered this question 15 fucking times for you.
Speaker 2:Why haven't you done anything? And, like a newer student, isn't super receptive to stuff like that.
Speaker 1:Right, we say we want, like you know my one-on-one clients now that are doing. You know, I say my one-on-one clients are doing anywhere from like 30, 40, 50, some even 200 plus months.
Speaker 2:I'm like, hey, you're being a cheap fucking bitch right now and they're like people do so right thank you. You know, and they execute, everybody wants to be a little better. They want their life to be a little better tomorrow I needed to let go, starts it with like that
Speaker 3:part of the business to answer that question, shed the savior complex of helping these people and really let go more and trust my team more. So that was an identity shift for me.
Speaker 1:I knew I was trickling from there and eventually leads to and my team actually kicked me out, you and my body connection.
Speaker 3:Okay, so like what's my mind doing for that? So that's number two. When I'm lifting Right, things aren't working the way that they used to. What the fuck?
Speaker 1:Something's wrong too, I'm feeling when you're out I don't feel aligned. And then three is shiny object syndrome. I think all those things are what lead you to. Shiny object syndrome is just like everybody has. That which I think is such a fascinating part of is what creates our capacity, is that we don't know the skyscraper you gotta go down first, then you can go high. We are like the bliss. So most people dig like or even far down ones, and then they wonder why they can't get past 10, 20, 30k months. So let's just say you have somebody who's doing a $30,000 a month business. They still want things to be a little bit more on their striving path in their own way. They're not serving from a place of authenticity, they have an attractive dream client.
Speaker 1:So they have clients that they hate no-transcript because, like I just have, no time.
Speaker 2:I'm like now look, dude, you're running a 30k month business. You don't have fucking time what are you talking about? Emotional. Right like you're running it really fucking shitty if you have no time. Right like the perception is is wild, but it just tells me, like you, you weren't aligned when you built it. You attracted shitty people, you don't have boundaries, you don't have systems and you don't know how to um more than likely, create a sense of safety from you outside of the business, right you don't have.
Speaker 2:We're here to do that off days so interesting, and so that's why people are stressed out like my clients know, did you message me after? 6 pm. You can fuck off. Off until tomorrow morning. I want to answer that, if it's an emergency, call a doctor.
Speaker 3:There's no reason.
Speaker 2:There should be a panic for messaging me anytime in the evening as a business coach, leadership coach, whatever. It is no reason. You're autonomous. You've got this buddy, you can do it.
Speaker 1:I remember I was getting coached from your friend Brian. And I made some excuse about not having the time. Oh, brian ain't doing that. No, it was like. It was like, dude, my business is like 20 times the size of yours, don't complain, you have no time, right. I was like, oh, done. I was like I get it, like straight away. I was like, yep, thanks for saying that there's. I can't have a user excuse ever again.
Speaker 2:But there's lower levels of consciousness for this right and energetically we have. If we look at the lower end of the consciousness paradigm, there's the survival paradigm, which is capped at fear. Then we have panic, grief, shame, apathy, guilt, right, all of this stuff and we're boxed in by fear. So when I'm afraid about where my money's going to come from, I'm afraid I'm not going to whatever. We start to just keep recycling through these emotions. It's panic it ensues, we're in survival mode. We can't see solutions. We think everything's wrong, there's, there's just no way. You don't understand. I have it so much worse than you. They're.
Speaker 2:Every single person under a million dollars a year thinks they have the exact things. They have unique problems and they all have the exact same fucking ones. Like they're, like you don't get it. It's like I. I literally do you're not you're, I'm sorry you're not fucking special, no, but like I help people, do I? You know it's the same fucking problems, right? So anyways, just to like, tie back into the, to the final message there, deep down, you know, when you look at your life, when your business and you're like this does not excite me or stimulate me anymore, I'm going through the motions. I feel bored. I feel uninspired. It's time to evolve what's what?
Speaker 1:what do you find like the most common?
Speaker 3:what I've landed on now, that people, when they have to evolve, like what is that role that we got to live?
Speaker 2:that life they most likely have to just feel it for myself, I don't necessarily think it's a new role they have to step into, and by.
Speaker 1:I think like you look at for them to change, you look at it's like I don't want to give the bigger something to the bigger sharks in the pool in business, right like the out of the movies and people like that and they say wish that for people, people will hear alex ramose say anything, the training that I went through and to be honest and I share this with clients first, like I love the guy.
Speaker 2:He's a lot of really shitty advice if you don't know how to critically think for yourself right.
Speaker 3:His advice is great it's really fucking shitty if you don't know how, to myself enough that when they're around me, like they can, just yeah, because they'll, they'll hear our story to do it take one thing and do it non-stop, but I notice I was never deviate from it and that's how you become rich like, and then people go. Well, I started this. I have to stick with it.
Speaker 2:I can't change what I'm doing like that.
Speaker 3:That is the worst advice I've ever heard that person's experiencing that she was talking about.
Speaker 2:um, especially with, I want to feel with where the world is shifting to, there's a collective awakening happening that's really hard to ignore. People are gravitating towards more depthful containers.
Speaker 1:People want CEOs of billion-dollar tech companies. They're not seeking business coaches, they're going in order to love you, you're going to have friends, there is a massive collective warrant and positioning to go deeper in ourselves now. So the rules that Al Shamoly played in when he was scaling gym launch fucking 30 years ago. They don't apply Dude. The rules of social media aren't even the same as they were six weeks ago, like for us to think that we have to do the same thing 24, 7 and for years in order to innovate is fucking ridiculous.
Speaker 1:What if you so stop trying that looking at like a coaching business and saying you know, like this doesn't resonate with me anymore. It's like okay, well, what does dude? So the most fucking common one is like but I also do mindset coaching.
Speaker 2:Right, it's like I do them both because mindsets, what, what is this? It's like okay, yeah, I got it. You're so unique um yeah wow, fitness and mindset. That's crazy. I've never heard of that before, but it's like what do you want?
Speaker 3:to jump right to that story oh, because mindset's everything yeah duh right, but like what does that?
Speaker 1:mean. So we don't, we don't go. You know it's so funny because I think it's just think about why do I feel? How do we know what presence is? By knowing what my presence is. It's repetitious, like you balance between the same questions, like I'm there that night, why?
Speaker 1:does answering, some moments being like what the hell am I doing, and other times I'm just fully in that moment for a bit got it, and then I'm like I'm the tallest one here, that's for sure gonna be capturing some of this on camera, so it's gonna be great that you just can't resonate with them whenever this is going tomorrow, get back to just practicing.
Speaker 2:So instead of making that your ideal avatar as you evolve your avatar.
Speaker 1:It's moments like I remember waking up and teaching breathwork. You know you have all these people who ask the shitty questions, stupid questions.
Speaker 3:They never, ever integrate, they never change, but then landing and coming back in the relationship and you realize, ah, this isn't filling me up, cool, for for who's? Who's them when they?
Speaker 2:become better. Two-thirds of it or so Right.
Speaker 1:So now if you've become better now. These are the people that you need.
Speaker 3:Well, I came back to this thing from Portugal and Augustine, and eventually you're going to grow up higher and these people aren't going to resonate anymore and the pain that came with it, the higher level clients, and you'll just keep going up and I actually don't even work with people for fat loss at all. I actually work with people through somatic healing and I found out that if I actually help somebody, you know, do breath work tap into a?
Speaker 1:meditation and change the supplements that they take, we can actually heal them very so. The body actually releases body fat on its own. It is naturally healed a lot let go of and so the on this, if you're a coach and you're wanting to create like I, like, I, like this, and you're wanting to create how people would close off after that and why people you know that, like it makes sense, like if I'm creating a better product for people I'm facilitating a better transformation.
Speaker 1:It means I did something worthwhile and I want more and you go. Well, one part of this is going to help my attention as well as going to help my business grow up Totally.
Speaker 2:So it's even moments like that. How do we do that? That's what I want people to be like, I think you have to give yourself permission to stay a student.
Speaker 1:I'm craving those blissful moments.
Speaker 3:That's what, like. It's the craziest thing to me when I have people that are like okay, well, that I'm like, what do you mean? You don't do that?
Speaker 2:like then the bliss like so this is what people do, what we learn one skill one time, like when you go and say this is my business and that's why you're caged in, that's why you don't grow, that's why you have imposter syndrome, that's why you feel like you don't have anything to talk about on your social media, because you don't. You're not learning anything new. That landed me that one, oh god but like dude I'm, I'm, I have, I have a fucking choice.
Speaker 2:Uh, here's a hack for everybody udemycom, u-d-e-m-ycom. It is a huge conglomerate hub of online certification programs and they are dirt fucking cheap. You could literally go get a neuro linguistics master's practitioner for 12 bucks, right, and then you will understand how to talk to somebody subconscious. You can go in and you can get trauma life, you can get somatic, you can learn breathwork, you can learn meditation I didn't notice it for, like anything on this site business or developing your skills- I have a course probably like that I'm every, no matter what.
Speaker 1:I always have one up that I'm doing. That wouldn't work. It doesn't matter, even if I know the shit, I'll just listen to how somebody else teaches it and it'll go slow or not. Everybody's going to meet you in this, or people are lying, and those are like the stories that we're going to and now I'm good.
Speaker 3:Now, people, the best way to do it is exactly what I did, which was that's a mess.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna show up as a mess and it's. It's all love each other and that as much as we can. Our biggest issue is that we are in great.
Speaker 3:At the same time, we have an entitlement epidemic and we have a trust. Personally don't want the grief itself to be the next motivation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, explain. I like the entitlement moving towards building something for me entitlement and the right person comes in. You're most support that.
Speaker 2:And that's what I believe can happen and does happen. Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:But with the trust recession because that was me Unconscious protection I sometimes call people out and I'll be like have you been entitled? Right now, they're like no, no, no.
Speaker 3:I need to find this woman who does this meditation, but it's one of my favorites. That's exactly what an entitled person would say You're still entitled right before the relationship ended.
Speaker 1:which was, what do you mean by trust recession? She said most people are so scared when they break their heart they want to piece it back together. Coaches are where the entitled.
Speaker 2:Epidemic is Trust. Recession is where the consumer side is. Keep breaking it over and over so you can finally be free. We have a market that no longer trusts people we can go.
Speaker 1:Let's go way back real quick. Let's keep breaking it. When capitalism first happened, we way back trying to piece it back together. Keep breaking it. Capitalism first happened as like we came over on the mayflower.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying this is gonna be exactly what happens?
Speaker 1:it's just like the most white guy named ever, like john green or some shit, was like hey, we get a theory which was really cool.
Speaker 3:He was like hey, I think that if we allowed, all of our people to like pursue what they want to pursue in that. But we don't need each other, we just want each other.
Speaker 1:We're choosing like, let's just let people do what they want to do, and I think by nature it doesn't work anymore and that's what happened like boom capitalism happened.
Speaker 2:That's okay, capitalism is amazing, right, but all these cameras and everything this is a byproduct of capitalism. It doesn't work anymore. It doesn't work, um, but just go down our lives every good has its back right.
Speaker 1:So let's look at the'm saying not fight for that, but I want to be so free. It's not like I'm going to hold on to this.
Speaker 3:You remember shreds and all these fucking companies that scan people. So it was like hey for $97 or $300, buy my guide. That'll help you lose 45 pounds of fat in 60 days it's going to suck.
Speaker 1:Five minutes, yeah, but that's what it was right. I got to love the time that I did. Consumers were like oh well, there's no reason you would lie to me, right?
Speaker 2:So here's my money Exactly.
Speaker 1:That's what my goal would be. It was like how can.
Speaker 3:I love better than that.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying it's going to be perfect, and. But the people were comparing was okay, well, who has the flashy thing, I'm just going to buy. Whoever's making me the best promise, this is what I want, boom boom, boom, and so then we had all of the TV, but wait, there's more right Buy the ShamWow.
Speaker 3:We'll throw in 15 for free if you buy in the next 10 minutes. Freedom.
Speaker 1:And so over time people started getting burned.
Speaker 3:They started getting scammed, like that's from American culture. I don't know if you watch that.
Speaker 2:There was no regulation on this shit. And then John McKay he is the founder of Whole Foods.
Speaker 3:I'm actually feeling so free.
Speaker 2:Right. He created a movement called Conscious Capitalism and Conscious Capitalism. Basically, he thought well, businesses should do business with integrity of the experience they're providing for the consumer.
Speaker 3:Wow, what an amazing notion.
Speaker 1:And truththroughlovecom is actually going to be the main focus moving forward. Well, we give the better, because that's where I have programs. That's how you get into your own course. And then, kind of like, we talked about over-delivering for clients as a way to manipulate them.
Speaker 3:That's exactly what the company started doing we're going to over-deliver, we're the best of the best. But then the prices went up, because we're the best through love bg2.
Speaker 1:Now the consumers are rising at human okay.
Speaker 2:Well, like now, we can't have anything nice without paying fucking you a massive premium, like fuck this shit, right that's where it all is.
Speaker 3:They either scam us with this or they charge us up, so consumers are.
Speaker 2:There's no trust, of course, there there's free resources that'll be sent out, and we know this because three years ago, you could say swipe up for coaching and get a shit ton of opt-ins. Now you say swipe up for coaching and you get crickets.
Speaker 1:This is crazy, because it's like he's hanging Very keen Keen. I'm so keen.
Speaker 2:The market is a byproduct.
Speaker 3:It's a byproduct of how much the market and coaches and people have your battery's flashing, that's perfect too.
Speaker 2:People become the sum total of how they're treated. So the market is wounded because the coaches I'd just say the coaches are wounded, right. Hurt people, hurt people and then hurt those hurt people don't want to trust those people anymore.
Speaker 1:It's even worse when they're unaware.
Speaker 2:Yes. So that is why, like when I work with my students, the biggest thing that I talk about is we have to figure out real quick side tangent. I believe business is an artistic expressions, expression of the gift somebody has for the world, and so I think we all have a unique gift. I think that's why you're pulled to be an entrepreneur and your business is the vehicle that we deliver that truth with. So we have to first heal, we have to first let go. We have to first let go. We have to first remember who we are, remember why we're here, and that takes a lot of deep work.
Speaker 2:It takes no longer running, it takes stopping the chase, it takes being still. It's why I fucking wrote a book about it, right. And when we do that and we figure out oh, this is the path that I'm meant to do, this is like my God-given gift and I'm meant to do this is like my God given gift and I'm here to. I'm here to serve the world with this and nobody else can serve it this way. Now we go with this like massive divine path, this divine guided energy through what we're doing, and that is where I believe the algorithm starts to favor you, because you are walking in alignment with what you're meant to do. The universe favors you, the algorithms favor you, organic social starts to favor you. People start to feel your authenticity, your voice in your heart again. So everyone's trying to say the right thing to sell people. You can fucking feel it. This is 300 years of capitalistic conditioning in the consumer. You're not tricking them by copying a fucking script off of chat GPT, like be so fucking for real right now, dude.
Speaker 1:If I want your support to grow with this and want to get your book. Where do I go?
Speaker 2:Book's not out yet. I literally just finished. I just finished writing it. You can follow me on Instagram. Honestly, that's it, and I'll obviously post once the book is out. I do have a book coming out next month, called Surrender. I wrote it right after that breakup that we just talked about, so that's my first one, but, yeah, instagram is where I post everything.
Speaker 1:So what's your Instagram and where can I go if I want to get into some of your programs and get involved?
Speaker 2:Yeah, my Instagram is at Nick Comadina. I'm the only Nick Comadina on the planet, Super easy to find me. Instead of worrying about my program, here's what I will say. There's a pinned post on my Instagram. I just released a resource. It's organic story hacking. We basically get our clients like seven to ten times their normal views on stories organically. So I made a whole resource that goes that teaches people how to storytell and sell and then the exact templates that my clients use on their stories to sell, Made about eight million organically in the last year with it. And then I also bundled in a five-day mini-mind so five full video trainings on business scaling it nine bucks. So fuck my programs. Go try that. You can opt use comment bundle and it'll send it to you. Go try that and then if you fuck with what I do, then you can lean in more thanks so much.
Speaker 1:Coming onto the show man thanks brother you have to do it again, bro dang nigga.
Speaker 2:Face select is off nice I don't know if that's the exact angle, but we're close. Yeah, let's get your phone out of the way.
Speaker 1:Yes, all this will be cropped up close to my face.
Speaker 1:Oh, stop the worst. And you feel like such a fraud, waking up every single day and going to work, talking to your partner when you're over consuming and over giving all the time and not looking after yourself and not speaking your truth. Which is why the world has created modern practices which increase your consciousness and help you understand yourself in a way where you can just feel free, because without that, we're just stuck in the matrix, running off patterns that we don't even like. Which is why, on today's show, we're bringing on a guest who has revolutionized how we feel truth inside ourselves and express it to the world, and you're going to learn all the tools and tips and techniques. And you're going to learn all the tools and tips and techniques. And you're going to learn all the tools, tricks and techniques by a good friend of mine. And in this podcast, you're going to learn all the tools, techniques and tricks that you can use and apply to your everyday life. So we're going to welcome to the show today a good friend of mine, tori Hale.
Speaker 3:Sweet.
Speaker 1:Stick that one Chief Beautiful.
Speaker 2:Stick that up, y'all Stick that up your assall.
Speaker 1:Stick that up your ass.
Speaker 2:Stick it up your rump.
Speaker 1:Stick it up your rump and make it smooth. Stick it up your rump and then touch my rump. Fucking go round two, bro, you what? Let's go round two, let's fucking go round two, bro what? Let's go round two, let's go. If you see it, let me knee it.
Speaker 2:If you go, do you want to start downloading these to your computer?
Speaker 1:No, I reckon I'm. Oh, yeah, you're doing yours, eh, because you're using phones. Yeah, yours, I think that's all. Yes, yours, because you're using phones. Yaw, yaws, hahahaha, ah, I think that's a lot. Yes, yaws, yikes maths. We can get some sunlight out there and sun our balls real quick, you know.
Speaker 2:Gotta sun the balls real quick. Get the balls out of the way. Oh, is this from Dunya. Dunya Down here, down over yonder, down here Was over yonder Down here.
Speaker 3:Was it from this side? No, from this side. Oh shit, kira, kira oh.
Speaker 2:No, that's a knot, that's not a sturdy one. Stay there, stay there, huh, stay there. Now you get the tank top and I get the chair top.
Speaker 1:This is like what the hell is that? It's how we do. I gotta send you the riverside link. Oh shit, this is fucking dirty as fuck bro don't you guys slob should we go like this send me the, send me the fucking link, send me the fucking link, no-transcript.