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Set The Standard
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Set The Standard
Why People Give Up On Relationships (And How To Avoid It) #282 Alexis Quiterio
Why Boss Babe Culture Isn’t Working Anymore with Alexis Quiterio
CEO boss babe culture is officially dead.
In this episode, I sit down with feminine embodiment coach Alexis Quiterio to unpack her journey from hardcore gymnastics, extreme discipline, and masculine energy… to surrender, softness, and the magic of true feminine power.
We break down the real reason so many strong women feel exhausted, what men can do to support feminine embodiment, and why dropping control might be the most powerful decision you’ll ever make.
Whether you’re a high-performing woman ready to come back to your body, or a man wanting to understand feminine energy on a deeper level this episode will blow your mind.
Let’s go there. This one’s deep. This one’s real.
Connect with Alexis on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexisquiterio/
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Timestamps
00:00 Why CEO Boss Babe Culture is DEAD
00:36 Alexis’ masculine upbringing & powerful physique
02:45 The turning point: letting go of being “the strong one”
05:05 Women holding men to unrealistic standards
06:59 The art of listening and masculine/feminine communication
08:17 Why feminine women need to receive
09:44 Why men feel useless when they can’t provide
11:12 The biggest compliment men rarely hear
13:08 Masculine vs feminine responses to praise
14:20 What’s missing in modern relationships
16:09 Magic vs masculine outcomes
18:11 Do high-performing men even want wives?
20:02 “I want to be more feminine” but… do everything myself
21:04 Reflective journaling & voice notes as emotional mastery
24:41 Self-awareness, communication, and nervous system safety
27:13 Voice note therapy & embodiment
28:31 Alexis’ sensual embodiment journey
31:58 Patterns, masks, and pressure to perform
33:32 Women: how to slow down and reconnect
35:09 Morning rituals & slowing down in a fast world
39:16 Self-worth vs self-expression
42:07 “Why did I choose to come to this Earth?”
43:16 Moving cities, relationships, and the search for meaning
49:29 Getting off birth control after 12 years (the IUD story)
53:56 Understanding the 28-day feminine cycle
55:06 Healing hormones naturally & returning to feminine power
55:26 What Alexis helps women with now
If this episode hits, drop a comment, share it with someone you love, and don’t forget to subscribe for more deep convos on masculine/feminine dynamics, healing, business, and power.
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CEO, boss, babe, culture is dead. This podcast I did today with a feminine embodiment coach, alexis, completely breaks the paradigm. In here we talk about her journey through growing up being extremely masculine, winning in gymnast competitions and creating and building one of the most impressive physiques that I've ever seen on a woman into how she now leads herself with feminine embodiment practices, which has brought so much empowerment and freedom and magic into her life. Not only that, we also talk about the difference in the balances between masculine and feminine dynamics and how women can also show up for their partners, regardless if you're a male or a female. This podcast is for you and we welcome in Alexis.
Speaker 1:I remember when I first met you, we were at an ecstatic dance house in Austin and I remember you were moving and I was like whoever this girl is is so fucking hot right now, like her in a feminine essence, like holy shit, I hope at some point I get to talk to her. And I remember we were like sitting at the back and you're like, have I seen you on it before? And I was like, yes, a hundred percent. And like I've been so grateful to be able to, you know, get connected with you and get to know you and understand you, and one thing that you do really well we're just talking about this off camera is being able to balance like masculine with the feminine, and one way you do that like one is like you're so structured and disciplined and routine, especially in like wellness and how you train, like your physique is incredible and everything that you do you show up and you have this like amazing feminine essence and presence like how did, how do you do both?
Speaker 2:thank you for that. Well, first of all, at ecstatic dance, there's a really jacked guy and it's like okay, I've seen you somewhere where, of course, the gym, and so once we placed that, that was awesome. And, uh, the masculine and feminine balances is this centered? Are we centered right now? Yeah, we're centered. Okay, cool, all right. The masculine and feminine balance that I have found is very recent. I used to lead primarily with my masculine, just being a gymnast for 16 years and then Division One college sports, and so there's just a lot of masculine energy, much like hold your own, never be subservient to a man. So there was a very big swing towards the masculine. So as I got older, I realized I didn't want to continue being the very strong masculine female.
Speaker 1:When did that? What was that moment?
Speaker 2:That moment was towards the end of high school. I was one of the very strong girls in high school because of my physique and sports, and then, as I went through college, I led with a lot of masculine energy, although I kind of found a good balance with my physique because I was also very, very strong and that brought me a lot of confidence. And so throughout my my 20s, throughout my journey in my 20s, I was able to find I hung out with a lot of incredible women where I loved how the masculine approached them, and although I had good relationships with the masculine always and I'm so incredibly grateful for that there was a way in which my girlfriends related to men that I liked, and so I got curious.
Speaker 1:How, so Like what's the exact.
Speaker 2:My gosh. So they had this. When a man approached them, I really enjoyed how a man held them in terms of space, like it was more of a. He was the provider and she was receiving it, and with me, a lot of the times I would take the lead or I would go first, or it would just be a very dominant energy versus a collaborative energy, and so I really enjoyed that because I was like, well, being more my feminine, I can release a little bit more.
Speaker 2:I don't always have to be Johnny on the spot. I also my body also relaxed so energetically, like I was softer, and so I ended up playing with my hair a little more, my makeup a little more, wearing a few more dresses, like it was. That was the beginning stages of leaning into my feminine more. Then I learned about feminine and masculine communication, and the masculine, the feminine communication has been a game changer for me. It's something that I learned over the past year and a half and that's what's really helped me deepen my relationships with men in a very platonic way, in a very deep way.
Speaker 1:How so.
Speaker 2:Let me see an example. I was just talking to one of my friends today about this and they were reflecting to me, of course, going to our gym, there's a lot of men, there's a lot of women. To me, of course, going to our gym, there's a lot of men, there's a lot of women, and I have received feedback that I have beautiful masculine and feminine relationships excuse me, male and female relationships. In the way in which I carry myself. So with men in particular, what I find to be very effective in communication that I've really enjoyed is two things. Number one is the realization that men are not hairy women and women are not hairless men, and that's a very big distinction.
Speaker 1:What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:So, a lot of the times when women approach men with something, a reason why and this is study show a reason why women get frustrated with men is because they are holding them up against the perfect vision of the perfect woman. And so, instead of it being men are not perfect women. They're not hairy women, they are, excuse me, women hold men up to the standard of the perfect woman.
Speaker 1:Why? Why do you think that is?
Speaker 2:It's natural, it's literally how we operate as women. So, for example, if there's something in the environment the reason why women are a lot more Johnny on the spot so if you're with a partner or you're with a man and she's like, hey, like can you wash the dishes or can you take out the trash, oftentimes men are like, yeah, I will, and it might be five, 10, 15 minutes and what often happens, a woman gets frustrated and she's like I'll just do it myself. Right, it's because, against the perfect woman, women usually take advantage of those things right away because we're very nurturing and nourishing and we also have something called diffuse awareness, and diffuse awareness is, right now, like that corner is really bothering me, because there's stuff in that corner that's not organized. But for men, if it's not focused or if it's not towards a result that they want to achieve, then it doesn't matter to them and literally men do not see that to the standard of the perfect woman. We are not the same.
Speaker 2:Men come into this world and men's main focus is provision and structure and safety. So, understanding, as a woman, that we are here to acknowledge men, we are here to listen to men and we are here to support men, and this is a very beautiful and complementary relationship if you understand how to communicate. So back to the example at the gym, when it's like oh, how do you interact so well with male and female individuals? Well, it's because you need to know who your audience is. So with men it's like, hey, how are you today Listen?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was crazy. I'm like, as you're saying, that I'm like man. I reckon a lot of CEO boss women who heard what you said around we're here to you know, support and listen, you know to men and help them. You know, I know that there are some CEO women out there that would be like fuck that, like what does she mean? So how did you switch from that mindset? Because, as you said, you grew up in a family where it was like don't worry about men, just go out there and crush it, do your own thing, be super independent. Like what was the the? Like one of the flick moments that's a good question.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to think back to the exact moment if I, where did your belief like shift of? I realized in a couple of the previous partnerships I had the reason why they didn't work out and it was because I was also trying to be the man in the relationship.
Speaker 1:What were you doing by trying to be the man Just?
Speaker 2:trying to lead, be dominant, provide, and so everything that the man did, I was holding him to the standard of being the perfect woman. And so, obviously, men and women are great in their own ways. But you can't, it's not equal, they're just great in their own ways. And so if I'm putting you and I'm saying, hey, you need to clean this floor, exactly how I clean this floor, you're going to clean it differently, it's just. But I'm expecting every single corner, this should be wax, this should be mop, this should be all the things, and you might just be like I just swept it, it looks perfect. So, again, it's the standards and the.
Speaker 2:We need to understand that the, the lens in, wasn't as happy in the relationship because I was trying to take control over literally everything and I would not receive. And one of the main things with men is provision. And so when men get to provide, they feel a part of something bigger. They feel a part. I mean correct me if I'm wrong but like you get to contribute to something a woman that you admire, you adore, like men adore women, men love women. And then how do you feel when women receive what you try to provide?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like wait at the door for me so that I can open it for you, because otherwise we feel useless. Right, we don't, if we don't have anyone to give to, we literally feel useless. But what I? What I find I'd love to hear your thoughts on this what I find is like a lot of men that I know don't 100 know exactly what they want, and because they don't know what they want, they find it difficult to lead their woman in terms of like I like this and I want this, and with that, if she doesn, right, if she doesn't know how to give, knowing that he's going to receive, then I feel like she's just always going to be let down because there's no feedback clarified for her to be like oh, that's how, that's what I want, that's how I like to receive and thank you, and then he can offer like a proper thank you. It's like what do you think is like the missing communication piece in that?
Speaker 2:It takes. Two is what I can say. A lot of the times I feel men or women can take on a lot of the weight of getting it wrong, when it really takes both people. So it takes a woman understanding. Hey, why don't you give yourself a chance to do two things? Number one when a man talks, listen, and when I say listen I mean every single time a man stops talking. Wait 10 seconds.
Speaker 1:I was just saying that I feel my nervous system going. Oh, I was just saying that.
Speaker 2:Because there's so much more that you guys have to say and men are so brilliant. That's been a beautiful realization that I've had through this practice of the masculine feminine. I don't know if you've heard of Alison Armstrong.
Speaker 1:Love Alison.
Speaker 2:Armstrong. Okay, yeah, so her books have completely changed my life, keys to the Kingdom and Queen's Code, and so number one for women. I would encourage them to listen. So just listen. Every single time a man stops talking, wait 10 seconds.
Speaker 2:There's always more, and a lot of the times, if you think about it, men don't have as much space to communicate as women. Usually men, they might not drop as deep. They might not. There's very few groups like ones that you hold where it's like go ahead, keep going, go ahead, keep going. But majority of the world doesn't get that, and especially in a relationship.
Speaker 2:Women, we get really, really excited about things and that is just a part of our essence. Where we want to respond, we have something else to say. There's so much in our brains that we want to share. So listen is the first thing, and then the second thing is acknowledge the man, and that's a really big thing. Like, instead of saying like, oh, you look good. Like good, like no, you make that shirt look really good. Do you see how that's different? Instead of oh, that shirt looks good on you, no, no, you make that shirt look good. It's a you thing, it's not a something else thing. And so acknowledging a man and complimenting like something that you like and that for a man, even when I just said that you went like this yeah, this is so, but like those two small things, like I don't it's also bringing awareness to men.
Speaker 2:Don't get complimented as often as we might think. Men definitely don't get complimented as much as women. And also, when a man receives a compliment from a woman, it's very much like it's a again. If you're providing something like you're providing something good looking in a space, you're providing strength, you're providing confidence, like there's so much there. So the listening piece and the acknowledgement piece are two of the easiest and quickest things that you could do to really watch your relationship between yourself and a man or a masculine, feminine enhance even you saying that as an example, I felt like my eight year old boy be like see my stick his chest up like hell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll make this shirt look. Good baby, that's crazy.
Speaker 2:And so. But if you said that to me when I said, to drive the point home, that men are not hairy women, we're not the same, if you say that about me, I'd be like, oh, that's really sweet, but like I'd probably go into like, oh, thank you. And like, go like this versus like this. So we're just wired differently and so understanding that we're just different, it makes it a beautiful journey of trying to understand interesting, interesting.
Speaker 1:I really want to know what it is for men and women both to be able to like, do this for each other, like what do you think that is?
Speaker 2:to do it for each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, to be able, like this, um, this whole complementary piece of like giving and receiving, I feel like there's there's always parts missing where there's like this you know, for some relationships that I've been in and what I've seen is like this kind of woman feels like she needs to take the role and responsibility for everything. And a few compliments for a man like goes a long way to help boost, you know, his masculinity, where he feels like comfortable enough to go out there and lead, because then he's got this energy. And then for men, they often it seems like they're trying and putting all this effort in but they just get it wrong all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, a really big responsibility, I feel is we have as individuals it's creating your own story around this, because in our society we have the feminist movement and we have be strong and independent and boss babe and like all these things. And even when I do that, so like it's harsh, like you're you know, and it's like how about we?
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't, I don't want, and that was a big thing, I'm like I don't, I don't want that anymore. How about we coexist? And so one of the things that I would encourage for women is empower. So say, hey, what do you want to eat tonight? Instead of a woman being like I want this, lean in, lean into the man and say what do you feel like, what do you feel like? And have them say well, you know, I feel like this, be like, can you give me a few options? Okay, well, how about a couple of these things? Well, I also, I'm interested in a good environment too. What do you think? Do you see how? Like it brings each other into the experience instead of making it one-sided. And so I think also having more patience in a conversation to be able to understand, like let's empower each other versus try to come to a conclusion right away.
Speaker 1:It's not about the conclusion, it's about the journey in the conversation yeah, I think you really hit the nail on the head in regards to not getting to the conclusion straight away, because if you have two masculine people, you're both wanting to get to the end result correct immediately. That just removes all the magic.
Speaker 2:The magic. Exactly. Okay, now I've chilled. Exactly, it's the magic, and that is the dance, that's the beautiful dance. And when you're saying, hey, why do you care about being more feminine? Well, because it's a way more enjoyable experience. I feel so much better in my body, in my heart, with my connections with others, by just allowing myself to be more patient and leaning in more, to like what's the story behind this? How, how is this dance going to go? It's not, and we don't need to just check boxes or or get to the end right away. Like enjoy it, you're, you're on a fricking boat. Okay, let's, let's chill on the water a little bit. I don't know.
Speaker 1:I got a controversial question to put in here. This is an example. So I had a close friend of mine and he's like extremely wealthy, he's killing it and he has like a female PA. He has a pretty sure a female private chef, he has a female cleaner and he was like serious question, it was like a dude talk. He was like serious question, right. He's like, and then he has like a, an energy healer who's feminine as well, and he's like all right, serious question for me. He's like why the hell would I want a wife? He was like I have an energy healer, I have fantastic energy and connection with her. I get this beautiful feminine energy.
Speaker 1:I have a personal assistant from me that like does everything for me and he was just like so besides sex, for me in this situation I got someone who cleans and cooks all my stuff. He's like besides, you know, sex. He's like. I'm kind of at this point where I'm like what is it that I get? And my whole nervous system was like bro, I hate that you say that because, like I disagree so much but at the same time I couldn't it's confusing, so like yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts on that thank you for this question.
Speaker 2:It's an interesting one because it depends what your priorities are. So in partnership, you might have heard people say it's choosing each other every single day. Yeah, it's choice. In that choice is how do you want to grow and how do you want to experience life with this person, get lost on an adventure, connect deeply in someone's mind and heart, have intimacy that is beyond space and time. Then he might feel satisfied and so that's a him thing and that's a preference. And not everyone is looking for a soul connection. Not everyone's looking for, you know, sacred intimacy and cosmic orgasms and you know just these different levels of pleasure and connection that go beyond someone just satisfying a need that you have at that moment. Like, oh, she goes to, she gets me the stuff I need, oh, yep, she completes the things I need to complete. Like it's very do versus be, and so I think the beingness, if he's not interested in being and existing with someone, that's a different story.
Speaker 1:Interesting. I think you touched on a lot of points there which, as you were saying, when you're talking about existing with someone, going deep and their intimacy part, that's what I perked up. I was, oh yeah, well, that's where, like, a lot of the enjoyment is, and it's like I think that, from what you said, it's like, well, it's almost, it's kind of like what's the point of life? You know what I mean. Like if you don't get to have, you know that like crazy deep, you know connection with someone, because I feel that that brings you into deeper connection with yourself, 100%, especially through the triggers and everything else.
Speaker 1:And in regards to this as well, I think what I see a lot of on social media and with a lot of people that I work with is the woman, and I want to hear your thoughts on this as well. The woman's like I want to be more feminine and the man's like I want my woman to be more feminine, and then she's like but I'm going to do everything. And he's like, well, I'm not going to make any decisions because she does everything. And I think there's like an embodiment piece to this and I know, like you've been to, like Burning man, you've done a lot of like work on yourself and you've done like all these like embodiment practices to help you, you know, be able to get in your feminine and have the conversation to help the masculine, get the feminine into the feminine. Yeah, what have you learned and what experiences have you had to be able to like, allow that to, to get on in there?
Speaker 2:communication. So we were talking, before we started this conversation, about self-awareness and what I truly believe and something that's helped me most has been journaling and self-reflection and what that looks like. Before I thought it was woo-woo, but 10 years later, I don't go a day without writing down what my day looked like, and I call it reflective journaling. I wrote about this whole process in my book and it's the process of just going through your day and just starting to talk. Hey, woke up feeling good, huh, there's something. There's something on my mind. I'm not really feeling right in my body here. Oh, interesting, okay, got ready for the day. Oh, I'm really looking forward to this meeting.
Speaker 2:So, literally just reflecting on the small piece of your day, it might not seem like much, like morning or night, whenever, so it's evolved throughout the years. So right now, what I do, my process, is digitally journaling, and so I have a note in my phone and I reflect in there so I could do it at any time throughout my day. I can transcribe it, I can speak into my phone. I could do whatever I want. I don't need to be pen and paper sitting down focusing. This is what's helped me, this is my process this sounds.
Speaker 1:I just want to pause on that because it sounds like um, that's so handy, because I think a lot of people put pressure on themselves to journal when it's like no, I love how you said that I've got a note section. Yeah, I got these prompts which I want to hear more about, so people listening can be like, oh, I want to want to steal that too. But, he said do you voice your notes? Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:All the time, just you saying that I'm like.
Speaker 1:That sounds so much better than sitting there clapping.
Speaker 2:So that's why I don't really listen to music in the car, because whenever I'm in the car I just like I press the microphone and I'll just start talking. And the reason why I personally believe therapy is very effective is because someone gives you space to talk and they don't say anything. They might prompt one or two questions, but they don't say much. And so my journaling practice has become my own self-therapy practice, and I understand there's many different types of therapy. I'm just saying this is my version of satisfying the clarity that comes through spaciousness.
Speaker 1:I want to pause on this again for a second because I think this is freaking genius, because any time that I've done a speech, talked at one of my retreats, spoken on stage, had to rehearse a podcast or anything like that my best peak moments of when I've crushed it is when I've just said the speech out loud to myself in the car like multiple times and then I've like, whatever it is, I've crushed it. There was a study that was done between people who played the piano and people had to think about playing the piano than actually playing the piano of like rehearsing. So some actually played to rehearse and some just thought, and the people who thought were only like a few points behind the people that actually rehearsed, which is crazy. So I want to hear, like how you do this, the benefits for you. I just want to bring some some context. I'm like, wow, that's simple, but I can just see the benefits of it. It's super profound.
Speaker 2:So I think to reflective journaling. You're just casually talking about your day, whatever you're feeling, whatever comes up, allowing yourself the space to just freely talk Very simple things. Again, you heard me wake up, made my coffee, felt good. Oh, saw a really cute bird Amazing. You know, my neighbor waved to me. That made me really happy.
Speaker 2:When you're going through and you're able to articulate and I'm going to bring this back to how you can communicate with someone, this is a full circle moment. So being able to articulate and understand how you feel about simple daily actions allows you to start to understand yourself and why you feel the way that you feel. So when you understand why you feel the way you feel, you're able to communicate that with someone. Communication might not be great at first. Communication is a skill, but after a while, when you're saying, hey, you have this super masculine man and he wants his woman to be more feminine, but then she actually takes over, it's because they don't know how to talk through it Oftentimes.
Speaker 2:Usually it's hard for the man to say hey, honey, hey, woman, can you actually just you know, for tonight for dinner, are you open to me? Picking the location? A woman needs to be aware and say, yeah, that sounds great, but do you want to know something, honey? Can I, can I ask you something? He'll say, yeah, cool, can you pick three spots, and would you mind if we work through it together or we choose together, versus you just picking one and that being the thing, because I don't. I don't know what I feel like, or maybe I do know what I feel like, but I'd like to do this together.
Speaker 2:If a woman doesn't know how to articulate what she's feeling, then initially, when he says, hey, honey, I want to pick the place tonight, she's just not going to feel good in her body and she's going to say no, but she doesn't know how to articulate saying you know, I actually feel better with options, and when you say something, I might want something more than just the steakhouse that you suggested. So, reflective journaling, to go back to that, walking through the simple points of your day. It allows you to become more aware of how you feel and why you do what you do, and then at that point, you trust yourself because you've reflected on it enough, and at that point you then get to like have that overflow into a partnership or into a different conversation. So when something comes up where someone's proposing be more feminine, be more masculine, you could say I don't know what that means.
Speaker 2:Wow, at least you know that you don't know. How many times do people try to figure it out and they don't know? And they just keep running circles and perpetuating in a way that they don't. That's not effective, you know.
Speaker 1:So all that to say communication, journaling, articulating thoughts, no I love that because I think I think just getting used to hearing yourself talk is so handy, especially when you're talking to yourself yes yeah, because like it makes so much sense to me, because I'm like, well, the better you get at that. And then when someone's saying something else, now you know how to respond because you've been, you've been speaking to you in the most weirdest way.
Speaker 1:Right talking to myself has been like the best thing ever. It makes a lot of sense, though, yeah and also voice notes.
Speaker 2:That's why I've really enjoyed voice notes. I've become such a better speaker because I constantly send voice notes and I always listen back to them and you can hear your own voice and how you articulate things. Or you're like, oh, I don't really like how I said that and you could, you know, but just the act of speaking this is. It's like you could public speak all day just by sending voice notes on your phone or by journaling in your phone and just like pressing the microphone You're speaking publicly or speaking out loud to yourself, whatever feels most resonant, you know.
Speaker 1:oh, so true, and I want to.
Speaker 1:I want to speak a little bit more about like your experience into embodiment practice, because one thing is like, yes, you're a gymnast and yes, you have this incredible physique, and like, when I first met you was like at an ecstatic dance and you were like in your body and like I've seen as well, like even you, for it was like your birthday was like a couple of months ago, it was like the party that you put on, everything that you guys were wearing was so like this like is the whole thing, was an embodiment thing, which I know some of that would have come from, like the whole, like burning man by blah blah, blah, blah and the rest of it. But how has that with the embodiment of like feeling in and into your body, as well as having, like you know, beautiful, strong physique as well? Like, how did, how did you balance that? Cause I'm I'm asking this question for women, you know, specifically, but also men who can support their women so they can understand what they're like, you know, maybe going through Hmm, that's so beautiful.
Speaker 2:Ah, thank you for that question. This has been one of my most cherished practices over the past six months. I would say so there's two parts to that. So first I'm going to go into the feminine embodiment as I took on, and then the one in which I've had my male partner support and how a partner can ultimately support. So Burning man definitely opened me up to being more comfortable in my body, just because the people all around you are oftentimes very expressed at burning man just naked, as shit you could be naked.
Speaker 2:It's the costume, like the outfits that you decide to wear, how you decide to adorn yourself, and so for me, I'm like it again self-reflection. I'm like why did I choose to wear what I wore? Why did they maybe choose to wear what they wore? Let me ask them I'm just curious and also, what actually feels most resonant for me to wear? I didn't know any of those answers. I had to experiment, okay. So Burning man is a big playground of experimentation. In my eyes, it is the best personal development conference I can go to every single year.
Speaker 2:When I moved here to Austin, I heard of a program called BPE. It's Big Pussy Energy, it's by my now good friend Bertini, and it's a central embodiment practice, and so even the word pussy was very uncomfortable for me. I didn't say the word until I actually was in class. It was something where I grew up like kind of shunning it, like you don't, you don't say that, it's just shameful. So when I went to her class, there was a central embodiment piece where you actually just you touch yourself and you hold yourself. No penetration, you just hold yourself. So you put your hand on your vagina and you just hold, without expectation, and there's different layers of this practice that just allow you to stop and feel and just be, without being like, oh, I need to be turned on so I could be intimate with someone, or hey, I'm doing this to perform, I want to look good, so someone thinks I'm hot.
Speaker 2:Like the whole practice was about just coming home to self, feel yourself, breathing, feel, feel yourself in your body and just appreciate yourself and pause and just say thank you, I love you, I feel you, all the things you do for me. So it was just, it was just a time to slow down and tune in, where we don't get much of that throughout the day. There's so much to do, there's so much going on in our lives and then, as soon as we might get, to say a bath at the end of the day, if you're not practiced, that bath, at least for me, was a waste of time because I'm like it's not productive. I didn't have that lens of productivity around self-care before. So the BPE practice and also me just feeling my body going to ecstatic dance, I'm like, okay, close my eyes and do this for me, move my body for me. How does it feel for me versus trying to perform for someone?
Speaker 1:no-transcript. This is a thing that comes from, like, my parents, whatever it was, of being like. You need to perform, you need to be the best gymnast and because of that I'm like out of touch with my body, like I'm just speculating here. But what were some of the masks, slash patterns that you found?
Speaker 2:Everything was results driven. So I used to go to the gym to look aesthetic or to be healthy. How about I go to the gym just to feel good? How would I just go to the gym just to be at the gym around a good community? There were a lot of patterns that came up.
Speaker 2:Once I slowed down and I gave myself the space, I realized there were a lot of patterns around unworthiness, which I didn't. I was, I was loved as a child. I I showed up for myself. I was very confident there were all these things. And when I didn't, I was, I was loved as a child. I I showed up for myself, I was very confident. There are all these things. And when I gave my, when I slowed down, I gave myself the space, I realized feelings of unworthiness and I decided to unpack that. I decided to move forward with that.
Speaker 2:So I think with women there's and with anyone in general, when you give yourself the space and you commit and you devote yourself to a practice around self-love, it can look like anything. There's so many things Dance by yourself in your room in some lingerie, like, do something. What I would encourage is do something for yourself that puts you in your body, that gets you out of your mind, that makes you feel really good and beautiful, and that's in a space that's just comfortable. So there's many different layers on how you can set yourself up to do that and there's many different ways in which you could do that. Maybe you want to paint naked. Maybe you want to dance in lingerie and feel sexy. Maybe you want to read a book in a bath with rose petals. There's intentional acts in which we can do, but the woman needs to want to step into those.
Speaker 2:So when the time comes for the man to be like hey, honey, how can I support you? And feeling more embodied and maybe less reactive, or or just so I don't know, johnny, on the spot, it's like what can I do? Then she'll be like she has the awareness. Hey, you know what? Usually a nice bath for 20 minutes with my favorite cup of tea really helps me during these times. Can you hold me accountable when you feel me getting a little bit wound up? But like again, two ways the woman needs to know what she needs and then she needs to know how to communicate it with her partner, so then they can support her. So it's really challenging, especially in today's day and age that a lot of people don't even know what they need because they haven't slowed down and been patient enough to give themselves the space to then understand themselves.
Speaker 1:I got a question how the fuck do I slow down and how the fuck do I get present? They're the questions, right, because you did that. I know how to do it. I've done it multiple times. But I know that even when I get caught up being busy, when I'm like, okay, you need to slow down, corey, you need to create some space, my whole body's like don't you fucking do it, bro, don't you do it. And I'm like I shake my face, just feeling resistant, like ugh, I've got to do nothing for like two hours. What do you mean? So how do you actually do that? What did you have to realize in yourself to be able to create that? Because I find in modern day, right, it's a superpower and the people who do it just go so much further than the people who don't Takes practice.
Speaker 2:For me, what I started doing is giving myself a little extra time in the morning, because I think it's something where, right now, you're saying how do I do this? Like we're in a closed room, how to know how to do? It is on the other side of that door, so you have to open the door. So what does opening that door mean? You need to try it, you need to experiment it, you need to take the first step towards it. So what I've done, it my, my whole life's an experiment. It's a whole like science project.
Speaker 2:Whenever I'm curious about something, I'm like cool, I'm going to do this for seven, 14, 21, one month, so however many days. I just I commit to a time and I'm like I usually do 30 days. I'm like Alexis, you're going to try this for 30 days. So whether it's a new morning elixir for my body to like, feel more vibrant or more energized, whether it's a self-care practice, whatever the case may be, I give myself a timeline where I need to take that step to open the door to see what it could be. So if you're like hey, I want to slow down, I want to be more spacious.
Speaker 2:Okay, figure out one thing I'm going to wake up and give myself 30 minutes every single morning to do nothing. There's no phone, I could meditate, I don't care. But like I'm going to do nothing except for sip my coffee or sip my tea, for 30 minutes, no stimulation. I don't have to be anywhere, I don't need to do anything. 30 minutes See what comes up.
Speaker 2:Or at the end of the night, okay, 30 minutes before I go to bed, I'm going to sit in the dark. Or I'm going to just start writing and I'm just going to have a pen and paper out and I'm just going to write for 30 minutes. I just give something to do for a specific period of time, because once you realize how that makes you feel, you're going to take pieces that make you feel good and you're going to bring them on to your next experiment. Or you're going to say not for me, but at least you can know it's not for you, and that's more information towards getting closer to what spaciousness or calm or slowing down means to you. So it's an experiment.
Speaker 1:I feel like there's two things that you said there that are very common in Austin. What One is? People smash supplements over here. They love supplements. She said, with my morning elixir, I'm going to try these new things, like I find that such a thing here and I think it's so like incredibly important. And the other thing is I've met so many people who also take their mornings so slow and they like protect them here. Yes, and they're like yo, you don't mess with my morning, I'm not touching my phone, I'm not doing anything else, and everyone has this beautiful energy I mean it seems so trustworthy.
Speaker 1:Do you think that's got something to do?
Speaker 2:with it? I do, I have a two. I have two hours every morning where it's my time, because how you start your day sets the tone for the rest of your day, and so if you think, hey, you roll over, I still have my alarm on my phone. So what I do is I just tap it and then I don't touch it again. But for a lot of people they utilize their phone as morning newspaper or as stimulation.
Speaker 2:And our first 20 minutes in which we wake up, those are our alpha brainwaves. And so what I try to do is I will be aware and I'm like what do I want? How do I want to set the precedent for my day? And so the first 20 minutes I'm putting gratitude affirmations how can this day get more magical? I am running these positive things through my head because I trained myself to and also I know how that impacts the rest of my day.
Speaker 2:But the two hours in the morning I go slow. I sip my coffee or my tea, I'll meditate, I'll journal and then, after those two hours are done, I can take, I fill my. My cup is completely full and then I can go take on the rest of the day, and if you don't have two hours, that's fine. Start with 30 minutes, start with an hour. But it is the centeredness in which we start our day that either calms our nervous system and makes us feel centered and rooted, or it jacks it up, and as soon as we get a message or we start reacting to things, we are just on that page and that frequency all day. And that's the difference between a calm, cool and collected day and something you can control and then something where you just completely go off the handlebars.
Speaker 1:Interesting and like, do you think in regards to like, cause, obviously doing that helps you to be able to express yourself more? Yeah, and you're mentioning beforehand where, like, a lot of your growth and your journey come to increasing and improving your self-worth and you know, made the connection the more self-worth that you have, the more you're going to be able to express yourself. So what were those you know part of the journey of, like, blending them two together for you. What were the moments and how did you do it?
Speaker 1:Because I'm speaking for men and women here in regards to, you know, learning something of being able to express themselves more and feel, you know that self-worth, like increase themselves, because I know we all doubt ourselves at moments, but you know that self-worth like increase themselves, because I know we all doubt ourselves at moments. But you know, from being around you and like the friendship group and everything like that, like you organize things all the time and it's like you create beautiful experiences and what I noticed I was saying this to you beforehand is like you can lead and create experiences like that, but then you show up in the most feminine way I was was just like, it's just so impressive, like it really is so, yeah, self-worth expression. Your lessons in that.
Speaker 2:Well, it's the chicken or the egg. Honestly, I have led. I've started with both because I you got to start with one, start with one and ride that wave for a little bit. So for me, self-expression is what do I feel like doing? What makes me happy? How do I want to show up? What feels good in my body? Self-worth is why am I doing what I'm doing? Am I happy doing what I'm doing? I am the only person here that is uniquely me, that can bring an emotion and experience to other people.
Speaker 2:It's taken a lot of time and a lot of experimentation, but what I would encourage people to do if they're looking for where can I start? Just understand that we're here for a very short period of time. It's just a remembrance. We're here for a very short period of time and the way the analogy I like to use is all of us, however you think we came to be here. This is my interpretation. We were all these little particles and cosmic dust out in the universe, and so one day, all of us around the same time said do you want to go down to that rock for 100 years? Oh, my God, we're going to experience all these emotions, all these feelings. You're going to be able to have five senses, because when we're souls in the cosmos, all we experience is bliss. We can't feel, we can't touch, we can't connect with someone in this way. We just feel bliss and love, and it's all very intangible. So when we decided to come down to earth and experience the contrast of emotions, of communication, of feeling, of touching, of tasting, of smelling, all of these things, and we come down here to live that life, to explore this rock that we're on, when you're saying, hey, how can I lean into self-expression and self-worth? Well, what part of you wanted to be seen here on this rock? Because you decided to come here.
Speaker 2:So what did that look like? Do you want to go frolic in a field of glass? No one wants to frolic in a field of glass. Did you want to go frolic in a field of grass? Did you want to express yourself through clothing in which you adorn yourself in? Did you want to express yourself through clothing in which you adorn yourself in? Did you want to make people laugh? Did you want to feel empowered or happy, or connect with people more often? Do you always want to hold someone's hand? Do you always want to feel love? What ways, and that's the self-awareness piece. You got to learn who you are and you have to learn how it feels in your body when these things come up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so when you, I would say, at your lowest self-worth moment that made you like turn that around and the realization that you had. What was that?
Speaker 2:I knew that I was here. I knew that I came here for a reason, and that reason was way more than me not feeling worthy, and so at that point I was just like okay what was it that?
Speaker 1:was it like a breakup was something in business? There was a lot, lot of throughout my 20s.
Speaker 2:I lived in seven cities throughout the course of 10 years.
Speaker 2:And so I started in Rhode Island. Then I went to central Virginia for my first corporate job out of college, had my quarter life crisis there because two weeks in I was like, is this what I'm doing for the next 40 years of my life? No, so that was a really big growth period for me. Then I went to Chicago, california, arizona, hawaii, texas. So throughout those times there was a lot of unconventional behavior in which I led my life, because I tried a lot of different things and I experimented and like what, by the way?
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, I tried literally everything I was curious about, from I wrote my own book to I started my own podcast, I went into men's fashion and I was a consultant. I did marketing, I did sales, I did I was in hospitality for 10 years. I waitress just. Whatever city I moved to, I'm like, oh, I can make a living here while I try these other things. I just, yeah, anything I was ever curious about I did, and my parents, although they were supportive, they were teaching me the best in which they knew how, which was stability, security and certainty, and I didn't have any of that. I literally made money, I traveled, I did my thing, I consulted, I was moving somewhere new, I was trying a different job, and they were like, like, literally I felt like a problem child, although I was good. But but yeah, they just didn't know what to expect from me. So like, oh, where are you off to next? What are you trying? Next?
Speaker 2:I found was that brought a lot of insecurity within my body because I didn't feel like I could, I didn't feel that I was trusted from my parents, who I love deeply, and so that resulted in a lack of self-worth in my body and like, well, I'm not worthy if I don't look like everyone else looks. I didn't. I wasn't in a job, climbing the ladder for 10 years I was trying probably 12 to 15 different jobs, moving to seven different cities, making new friends, trying new activities, seeing how I receive other people and how other people receive me. So that point of self-worth was a lot of things all at once and I felt ashamed. I felt ashamed when I left another city and I stopped the job or the company that I was working on or the company I started, and I felt ashamed and I was like you can't stick with anything, alexis. You can't stick with anything. What's wrong with you?
Speaker 1:Did you feel like a call, like you had to go, though Is there something in you that was like I need to go somewhere else, was like that was pulling you and you're just like, if I don't do this, I'm just going to be unhappy.
Speaker 2:If I don't do this, I'm always going to live with what if? But yes, every single city I moved, I felt called.
Speaker 1:Did you fall in love?
Speaker 2:Did I fall in love with any cities or any people?
Speaker 1:People.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, oh yeah. So I had, I always knew one good person every city I traveled and so you know I was like, hey, I know you live there. I feel super called, seems like it's a right fit for where I'm at in my life and the environment in which I want to surround myself. So let's try it. And so I would go and good people, know good people, and so from there I would just meet some of their friends, connect with some, meet some of their friends and blossom from there.
Speaker 1:But I always encourage knowing one good person, yeah did you ever have to like suffer any heartbreak though, like moving cities?
Speaker 2:oh yeah, you had to go oh yeah, every single city I had. I had a partner in a couple cities. I moved to a majority of them by myself, but I did leave a couple cities because of relationships okay, cool, so you left them because of relationships well, just I.
Speaker 2:I just didn't feel any more purpose there with what I was doing. I felt complete and the relationship was a piece of it. It wasn't the full thing, yeah, but I moved because I was just curious about what else? Who else can I meet? Who else am?
Speaker 1:I yeah, was that hard to choose yourself in those moments to be like you know what I'm actually going to choose me that's something that kind of come easy to you that's been a practice too.
Speaker 2:I haven't always chosen myself. I've always been very selfless, and so I've chosen others. But what I realized is the most selfless thing you can do is choose yourself first. So then, because like I respect you and I adore you, and so it's like, well, I want to show up best for Corey. Well, how can I do that to make sure I'm showing up for me first, so I could then pour into you? Because you don't deserve 50% of my energy If I put you first. You deserve 100% if I put me first, because then I could put you first.
Speaker 1:It's a give and take. And how did that go with traveling? I'm sure moving cities at some moment you would have to be like this one is hard to leave, even though I've got it, or were they easy?
Speaker 2:I knew the toughest one was California because of the pandemic. So I moved there six months before the pandemic hit and they shut everything down. So my communities, that I was super integrated with completely frozen pause. No one would see each other for months and months and months and I was like I don't know when this is going to be over. And that was definitely my hardest one to leave because I felt like it was kind of like forced out because I was able to be around my people wow yeah wow, that's just like being able to do that, because that's like a short period of time too, that's not, that's not like a long period of time.
Speaker 1:So that takes a lot of like, it takes a lot of guts, it takes a lot of self-trust, you know and you know you like as you said, like growing up being masculine and now getting into your journey of you know and you know you like. As you said, like growing up being masculine and now getting into your journey of you know, expressing the feminine more and just finding so much more fulfillment in that. Did that arrive mainly in Texas or did that happen before?
Speaker 2:Oh, do you want to know when that happened? Here we go. Okay, so this is my journey, diving into the feminine more. I had an iud for over 12 years. What's that? An iud is a form of birth control as a woman, where you know it's um. It essentially pierces your uterus and you don't, and it closes off your tubes, and so, for me, I didn't get my period for 12 years okay, so something that's inserts up and basically it just blocks off so you don't bleed, you don't nothing.
Speaker 1:So does it, does the? Does it like curiosity, like does it still bleed but stay in there, or does it literally just stop the bleeding?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's just like it.
Speaker 1:You still like bleed, but yeah, it's your body just to would absorb the blood, or because I'm like as a guy, I'm thinking very logically. I'm like does this is like?
Speaker 2:you just have a sack of blood, just like it's also the hormones, and so it, um, it triggers certain hormones and again, like I might be completely wrong on this, don't oh, my god, don't, come after me um, but the way, the way that I understood it was, there's certain hormones that are released through this device where you also just don't shed your uterine lining. Sometimes I would maybe like spot a little bit, but for the most part like nothing came through. So if I was bleeding and those were blocking it, I don't know. I should probably look into that and know what I'm talking about here. How many years, 12.
Speaker 1:12 years 12. So that's like got to be healthy. No, so you think of? Didn't get my. How many years we 12. 12 years 12. So that's like gotta be healthy.
Speaker 2:No, so you think of didn't get my period as a woman for 12 years, and so what ended up happening? It was actually during, uh, an ayahuasca ceremony, one of my actually my first and only ayahuasca ceremony. So I utilize medicine as tools and I don't know are we allowed to talk about that?
Speaker 2:on here okay um, so I I call it medicine because I think the words used are very important and I wouldn't see ayahuasca as a drug, because it's a plant and also it's a medicine because of how, my intention, in which I use it, I'm not trying to escape, I'm trying to understand and I'm trying to learn more. And so I was living in Hawaii at the time and I went with some of my really good friends and we sat in ceremony and the shaman asked me or the shaman prompted the group, he said okay, drop in before we drink and see if grandmother comes to you, or set an intention. So we all sat for like five, 10 minutes and set our intention and as soon as I closed my eyes and I dropped in, I had this visual, and I don't usually get visuals. That was very uncommon for me and again, I think it was just because, like my, my womb was quite literally blocked from anything any sort of intuition, any sort of consciousness, any sort of awareness. It was just blocked from this IUD. And so I closed my eyes and I have this vision of me walking into this expansive flower field and this blanket was laying itself down in the center and it was just prompting me to come over and inviting me to go sit on it, and so that blanket was grandmother ayahuasca. And so I go over there and I'm walking in this field and again, this is all a visual as I'm sitting here and I sit down on her and as soon as I sit down, it was like a moment in Beauty and the Beast with the rug and how the rug like rolls itself up Like I don't know. So she literally like I sat down and she rolled me up and she was just rolling me side to side and she was like you came, you came, I've been waiting for you for so long. I'm so happy you came.
Speaker 2:And I was and I started bawling my eyes out and I was like I never heard you, because usually with ayahuasca people are like I felt called, I felt it was time, and usually that's an intuitive ping to be like it's time for me to go sit. She usually calls you in and I was like I didn't even hear you, and so a lot of that. Speaking to some of my good girlfriends, one of them's an herbalist and she's very in touch with her feminine and I was always very inspired by her and how she moved through life and the knowledge that she had and the wisdom and the embodiment, and I was like how do I get to be more like that? So after that ayahuasca ceremony, I like literally three weeks later, I called the doctor. I'm like get this thing out of me now. And so, as soon as I got it out, I enrolled myself in a course. It was called Seasons and Cycles and it was so I can relearn about my body.
Speaker 2:The 28 day hormonal cycle, what, what is even going on? I had no idea and that was a big part of my masculinity where it's like you think, like I didn't, you don't believe, you don't get a period. I didn't get a period. So how do you think that impacts how I showed up in the world? There wasn't any other hormones there for me to really lean and flow into. I didn't know any of this till afterwards, by the way. So I take this course and I end up learning all about my body and in the meantime, when I get this IUD out, the doctor's like you're probably not going to get your period back or your cycle back, for you know, anywhere from three, six, probably 12 months.
Speaker 2:It's really challenging for women to get their period back after not having it for so long and your body, just your hormones, need to re-regulate and I was like, okay, so I'm taking this course, and this course tells you all about women have a 28-day cycle and men have a 24-hour hormonal cycle. So men go from start to finish in their hormonal cycle once a day. Women go from start to finish. So the sun is masculine, the sun rises and falls in 24 hours. The moon is feminine. The moon goes through a 28-day lunar cycle. Women go through 28-day hormonal cycles and so in that I learned the foods that I needed to nourish myself through each of the four phases of our cycles, every single month. The mindsets, the practices, the types of workouts, the partner practices, certain scents, certain songs, certain. Like all of these pieces, I got my period back by myself, no medication, in five and a half weeks, by following all of this and learning and tuning into my body.
Speaker 2:Wow, five and a half weeks versus six to 12 months. Like all natural, all holistic. And so, when you're asking, like what was the beginning of this feminine embodiment journey, it was really just coming back home, to my hormones, to my feminine essence, to my body, and like understanding her.
Speaker 1:Wow, that is insane. So, alexis, what do you help people with and where can they find you?
Speaker 2:Okay, what do I help people with? Find you Okay. What do I help people with? I'm pausing because throughout my journey, I have supported people in many different ways. My primary way that I support people right now is helping women gain confidence in the gym, and so I do that through a membership called Embodied Wellness, and so I support them in gaining confidence in the gym and learning how to exercise their body in a way that elongates their muscles versus bulks, so it's also a more feminine. It's also more feminine movement that allows you to feel better and look better as a woman through your day to day. And the other thing I do is I build communities and I gather people to create epic experiences. So they can find me online on Instagram, at Alexis Quintero. I'll spell it out on the screen. He will spell it on the screen. But, yeah, thank you so much for all of this and allowing me to share my story and for the conversation. I appreciate you, appreciate you too. Thanks for coming on, and all the links will be in the conversation.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you, appreciate you too. Thanks for coming on, and all the links will be in the show notes below.
Speaker 2:Perfect, thank you, alexis, thank you.