182 \\ A Smart Stepmom's Battle Plan: Implement Spiritual Boundaries With Tactics That Work
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Jen: Okay. I confess my husband and I are bookworms. Now, he is in seminary. So there is a lot of mandatory reading and oftentimes I will take the books that he has completed and read them. And we also read for fun. Here's one of the books that I recently completed. It's called mighty men. Stay on track. It's by Rick Scarborough.
I absolutely enjoyed this book. Now I realize I am not a mighty man. I am a mighty woman. However, there are many lessons in here that apply to us as a woman of influence in our blended families.
Let me share with you a short excerpt that struck me from the book. The rat race, many called life reminds me of one of those old fashioned merry-go-round like I grew up with that could be found in just about every community park.
They were big, heavy metal rigs that floated on ball-bearings. It took a pretty strong person to get them started because the inertia was so great. But once you got them going, they were even harder to stop. Okay. Usually the neighborhood bully or perhaps a well-intentioned parent. I would stand alongside and spin it as fast as they could while children hung on for dear life.
No matter how bad you want it off, you were stuck. If you let go, the momentum would hurl you across the playground. What seemed fun at first. Became something of a nightmare.
So much of our pursuit for significance is like the merry-go-round experience. We find ourselves saying, how do I get off? Like Solomon, we spin around and around saying meaningless, meaningless, all is meaningless. I learned several things that apply to life. Well, I was a child trying to get off the merry-go-round in the park.
The first thing I learned while coping with the merry-go-round was to focus on something stable. While I was going around and around with my lunch rising in my throat. I discovered that if I did nothing, I'd get sick. But if I focused on the middle post of the merry-go-round, which was the only stationary thing in view, I could hang on till the end.
If you're on the merry-go-round of life and feel like you're about to be thrown off, put your eyes on the only thing that is always the same. Jesus. The Bible says he is the same yesterday, today and forever. Hebrews 13:8.
Did you know that over 1300 new stepfamilies form every single day in the USA alone. And of those two in three are actually likely to separate. Research has found that stepmoms have the highest rate of depression and anxiety of any parenting group. Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel unsupported or invalidated or as though people are dismissing you
or making you out to be the villain? When we find ourselves feeling those feelings, it's really easy to spiral downward.
Or for us to feel like we are about to throw up on the merry-go-round just as Rick Scarborough described in his book. Mighty men stay on track. And it's also easy for us to forget to put on the armor of God.
When we are not protected with that divine armor we can fall into the devil's snare. it's easier to take on someone else's interpretation, value or suggestion about who we are. And when we allow that to happen, that's when we spiral. Stepmama in today's episode, we're going to go back to some important concepts, focusing on your identity in Christ, who God says you are, because it's really important to remember who God says you are. And that's where the divine armor comes into play.
It is a reminder not only of who we are, warriors in God's army, but who God is, and what God does for us and how he loves us and how he protects us and how he invites us to walk in peace. All right, stick around. We're going to get to it. I am so excited to be in your earbuds today.
This is episode number 182 of the Bold and Blended Stepmoms podcast. And in July and August, we've been focusing on all things boundaries. Listen, in order for people to respect your boundaries, you actually need to have them. If you are about to blend, you may not have an appreciation for the challenges that you're going to face over who's going to do the laundry. Who's going to drive the kids back and forth from school? Who's going to pay the medical bills? What kind of authority do you have in your own home? What time is bedtime? What time is bath time? How often do we take baths? There are lots of questions that we have that wedon't even think about when we are in that starry-eyed love affair.
If you've are struggling in creating boundaries that work for you, stay tuned to listen to a special offer about how you can turn that on its head and end of the drama that you may be experiencing because you forgotten who God says you are.
If you are not on the struggle bus congratulations... stick around anyway, because it's really important that we get these reminders. This is why we immerse ourselves in God's Word each and every day so we can draw strength and power and wisdom and knowledge and put it to work.
I'm your host, Jen Rogers certified life coach, Chief Encourager, pickleball lover, and a step mama who has survived the trenches of blending. And I am on a mission in 2023 to reach 12,000 stepmoms. So you can begin to live your best life right now and not get caught up in all that junk in the trunk. All right, let's get started with number 182.
Okay, sister, friend, I do not want you to stay trapped on that merry-go-round. With God's help and developing a plan of action you can get off. And the first plan of action includes understanding, memorizing and spending time in God's word. So let's get to the armor and then some practical application of what it looks like to be ready to fight the war.
And because let's get real, having a plan of action doesn't do a doggone thing if you are not willing to execute the plan. All right. Let's get started.
My Aunt Mary always reads the last chapter of a book before she begins a book. Or I guess you could say that is how she begins the book by reading how it ends. And I used to think that that was cheating or ridiculous, or I just didn't understand why you would do such a thing. Now I find myself doing this same thing, because I want to know, is it worthwhile for me to read the book? Because if the ending
doesn't share succinct things that I know are going to be helpful to me, I'm not interested in taking the time to read the whole book. Same thing with identifying each one of these pieces of armor that come to us from Ephesians six. Why do we care? Why are we called to wear the armor? Well, if you read in Ephesians six, 13,
You'll learn so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground. And after you have done everything to stand. So woman of God, let's stand together as we go through each one of these pieces of armor that we know are powerful tools for our Stepmama journey.
The pieces of armor include the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness. The shoes of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith. The helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit.
We put on each piece of the armor of God so that we can stand against the devil's schemes, because we know that even though it looks like a difficult ex, even though it looks like an eyeball rolling teeny bopper, or a bill that you can't pay, or a car that breaks down, everything that happens in the physical realm happens spiritually first. Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers against the authorities against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
There's a lot of spiritual forces right there.
And that's exactly why we need to remember that our armor also includes Ephesians six verse 18. And pray in the spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests with this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people.
Sweet sister in Christ. I am praying for you. And there are many of you that I know by name, whether it's in communication in email or inside the Facebook group. It is my honor to be in the trenches with you and to pray with you and to pray for you and to pray over you. If you need prayer, join us inside the Facebook group and send a chat saying that you need some prayer. there are many women who will come around you and pray over you. There's a sweet, sweet community inside the Facebook group. You can find that link in the show notes.
In the intro, I promised we would be talking about your identity in Christ and understanding your identity comes from God who has given you this beautiful armor. So the belt of truth to know the truth, because Jesus says the truth will set you free.
Stepmama, you are holy and you are righteous and you are redeemed. If you have accepted Jesus as your savior and Lord, you are holy, you are set apart. You are righteous. God sees you through the righteousness of Jesus Christ. And you are redeemed. You have an eternal promise that is waiting for you and in between now, right where you are, and that promise being delivered when we reach heaven, you have a mission and you have a mission field, and that's why you need the armor.
And that's why you need to know the truth that no one else defines who you are. God has already defined you. He has already written your name in the good book.
He already knew that you were going to be in this family that you're in; he has entrusted it to you. That breastplate of righteousness protect your heart. Sweet sister, do not allow the things that other people attempt to speak over you to work their way into your heart and destroy the truth that is implanted there.
Walk peacefully, this gospel of peace, the good news. This is amazing news. And the way you get to share the news is sometimes with your mouth shut. That we get to walk it out and we get to demonstrate that we believe that Jesus is the only way. And that we have the mind of Christ. And when we have the mind of Christ, even though when we're totally torqued, we know that we get to choose how we are going to respond.
The shield of faith, those flaming arrows from the evil one, the contentious texts or the constant change to the schedule or the regular disappointments or the loss of intimacy or the frustration that you might be experiencing in your marriage; that is a spiritual attack. And it's important that you understand you need that shield of faith. You need to believe in God's best for you, that God has already prepared the work for you to do in an advance. And he is calling you lovingly encouraging you
to walk in his ways. The helmet of salvation. Protect that beautiful head, protect your mind, pay attention to what you are putting in your mind. And the sword of the spirit. The word of God. Oh my goodness. It is incredibly powerful. There is nothing more powerful than the word of God! Scripture tells us that the word is Jesus. That in the beginning was the word and the word was with God. And the word was God. And everything was created through the word. Isn't that incredible?
You were created. You are not a surprise to God. Your situation is not a surprise to our heavenly father. So ensure that you are armed with the word of God. And again, the piece that does get missed is the prayer that it's important that we come and we pray that we pray for our families. If you took part in the 30-day prayer challenge that we held a couple months ago, congratulations!
If you are wondering, what the heck are you talking about? A prayer challenge? I missed a prayer challenge? It is really easy to sign up for 30 days, you get an email in your box every single day that reminds you and gives the link for the episode of the day. You spend 10 days praying for your Hunka Hunka and his spiritual leadership of your household. And then you spend 10 days praying for you as the woman of influence in your home.
And then you spend 10 days praying for your family. Listen, God's blessings for your stepfamily. They're the same as God's blessings for family. There is no four-letter word in front of the word family. That eradicates God's blessings for you.
In earlier episodes, we define what a boundary is. We talked about it being an invisible property line. We talked about it being what defines what is me and what is not me.
The armor of God, it is a boundary against the evil forces in the world, in the heavenly realms. I think we underestimate the importance of securing the armor.
And also, the depth of evil. We must understand that because we love the Lord. We are Satan's number one, enemy. Satan wants to hurt God by hurting his children. And that is why he has done such a number on families.
One of the biggest challenges we experience when we blend is also a great entry point for Satan to attack. You know what it is? It's parenting. There are so many challenges when you are parenting, whether it's you and your Hunka Hunka who have different parenting styles, or whether it's you and an ex who can not agree, whether it's your ex, his ex, somebody who's infiltrating your home in a way that is not good for your marriage,
Are you confused about whether or not this thing that you're fighting about is actually a big deal. Are you tired of toxic communications, hijacking the peace in your home.
Do you know what the common stepfamily pitfalls are that are associated with blended parenting?
Do you have scriptures to apply to your parenting strategies? Or you and your man on the same page about areas to focus on? A lot of times we get stuck in the how, how do we make it happen versus asking ourselves powerful questions about what's important to us. What's really at stake here? Is this something to be concerned about?
Or is this something that we can let go? And this is where communication comes into play communication between you and your man. The two of you must get together to back each other up. This unity is critical to your success. Now, if you find yourself in a situation where there's some disruption, if you will, to your unity.
It's important that you start anyway. It's important that you begin to model how to have non-toxic communications Within your household. It's important for you to express your concern, that the phone has become a weapon and you want to de weaponize the phone. It's important to know that the armor of God is the boundary. It helps you set everything right, but you must know how to use it.
I'm sure you recall the story of David and Goliath where Saul gave David his armor and it didn't work for David. It wasn't right for David. So the method that you're going to use in your home,
It may not work in another home. And that is the great thing about coming together and saying yes to this amazing offer that I have for you. Now, if you were inside the Facebook group, You already know what the offer is. We're doing something that we haven't done before, and it's called a flash sale. We're going to have a flash sale so that you can dive in and say yes to you. So you can become aware of what's creating those toxic communications. So you can avoid.
The common step family pitfalls, no matter where you are in your blending process. Just like it's important for us to remember to put on each piece of the armor of God. It's important for us to be aware of the common pitfalls that we can fall into because we've forgotten to be aware because we haven't infused our mind.
With the information that we need
So we can stop reacting to all of the things that are going on around us and start being purposeful about what's important to us. So, what do you need? Well, you need to know where to go get it. Everything. You can find everything at www.stepfamilypodcast.com If you want to go to the workshop directly. Just hit that forward slash parenting workshop and sign up for the course so you can get answers and insights that will work for you. You just need 90 minutes to get going here. This is super easy.
This mini workshop was created after an amazing live experience with several women who came together to test out some ideas I had in my head. Because it's important for me to create tools for you that give you massive clarity. So you can get armed with the wisdom that you need to understand. what works best in your blend. Listen, it takes practice. So you can name the pieces of armor all day long, but if you aren't going to use them, nothing's going to change.
Rick's story about the merry-go-round is a perfect illustration. He shares that when he was young, he developed a technique for getting off the merry-go-round. First I'd put one foot over the side and start to drag it. If someone was spinning the merry-go-round, this additional drag would make his task much harder, often resulting in them losing interest in trying to terrorize us kids and they'd stop. There is some cost to dragging your foot to slow the momentum. The right toe on my right foot shoe seemed to be the very first part of the shoe to wear out.
Which never pleased mom and dad, but for me, the benefit more than offset the cost. To get off the merry-go-round of life, as Rick says in his book, you must be willing to admit, “I need help.”
To get off the merry-go-round, you must start the process. And that means that you're going to have to do something different than what you've already been doing. Don't stay trapped on the merry-go-round. Rather with God's help develop that plan and then execute the plan.
I'm going to make you an offer that is less than one pair of tennis shoes in one hot second. But first when we change one thing, that means there's going to be a ripple effect and it does take time to practice and gain confidence in the change and in learning what comes next. If you'd like some help in navigating all of this, I have one more spot available for private one on one coaching. Message me on Facebook or send me an email at friends@stepfamilypodcast.com . To get all the details. Listen, rates are going up - so get in before the rates go up.
Listening to podcasts and reading books is just the beginning. You must take action and you don't need to take big ginormous action, but you must take action.
Hey, in the show notes, you are going to find the code to give you 20% off of this parenting workshop. It is now a clock, N O W O C L O C K. Nowoclock. It is time for you to take action, to make real change in your family, starting with your parenting methods and understand what the heck is going on and what makes it so difficult and what you can do about it. Are you in, I pray you say yes, head on over to stepfamilypodcast.com/parentingworkshop.
The episode release date of number 182 is August 3rd. This flash sale won't be around by next week's drop. So don't wait. Get on it.
Your home needs to feel safe to you. You need to feel comfortable in your own home. Now as a woman of influence, you can begin to initiate this by signing up, just head on over to stepfamilypodcast.com/parentingworkshop.