Reigniting the Spark in Relationships and Life with Love Coach Corey Folsom

Ever feel like the spark in your life and relationships has dimmed? Corey Folsom, a renowned love and relationship coach, has been there too. His journey from being an Aboriginal skills instructor and wilderness guide to becoming a coach was ignited by his personal struggles in relationships. Now, he's here to share his transformative insights and methods. In our enlightening conversation, Corey not only reveals the essence of his book "Soul Statements: A Love Coach's Guide to Successful Communication" but also sheds light on the importance of being present and connecting to one's inner spark.

Intriguing, isn't it? Now, imagine you could access your inner knowing and use soul statements as reminders of your true worth. Corey explains how these are different from affirmations and how, with stillness and quiet time, you can develop soul statements that will guide you in challenging times. And that's not all! We also discuss how effective communication can help us shine our light in the world. According to Corey, creating soul statements has the potential to positively impact all areas of our lives. So, tune in, ignite your spark, and share your unique gifts with the world!

Thank you for listening and subscribing, rating and commenting. It means a lot!

Corey can be found here:
https://corerelationship.com/
Kim can be found here:
https://www.kimduffselby.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome back, sparkling friends, to another episode of ignite your spark with me. Your host, kim Duff Selby. I know you have a choice when it comes to podcasts and I appreciate each and every one of you listening, because my goal here is to bring you inspiration, to motivate and inspire you to shine your light. This is not about me, this is about you. It's about my guests, my guests who are taking their own life and shining a light on their knowledge and their information to help you. This is all about helping you become the best person, the best version of you, that you can be.

Speaker 1: 0:49

Today, my guest is Corey Folsom, and Corey well, he has had an interesting life. Right now, he is, or has been for quite some time, a love and relationship coach, which you might go oh, I don't need that. Yeah, we all need that, trust me, we all need that because we all have relationships in our lives, whether it is a love relationship, a friend relationship, and all of our relationships need help with our communication. I just know it. Anyway, corey has also been I'm going to just read this an Aboriginal skills instructor, a tracker, a vision quest leader and wilderness guide for newly sober people, and he really, as I said to him before we started recording, he has that adrenaline junkie side of him that not all of us have, because he's done some really remarkable things, and we'll go into that. We'll see where the conversation takes us. Welcome, corey. Thank you for coming to ignite your spark.

Speaker 2: 1:52

Pleasure to be here, Kim.

Speaker 1: 1:55

I'm going to ask you what I ask all my guests, and you may or may not know how do you ignite your spark?

Speaker 2: 2:03

My attention on something compelling, and that compelling thing could be my inner silence. It could be a wave in the ocean, it could be the forest, and so when I'm feeling connected to my center and connected to my world, that ignites my spark.

Speaker 1: 2:26

Nice, I like that. And I like that because it is not just one thing, it could be anything. It's just you connecting to your center and I particularly like that because in my mind and when I translate that to my own verbiage, it's me connecting to my inner spark, it's me connecting to that which lights me up. And it's a little different, but I have to be present in order to ignite my spark. And I really love how you frame that, because that will help everybody listening, because it's so important to become present. Yeah, okay, so so many questions. First of all, ear book soul statements a love coach's guide to successful communication. I'm going to show it because I put this on YouTube. We could spend an hour on each paragraph, not to mention on each journaling exercise. But let's hear a little bit about you and how you decided to get into or how you were guided, not decided to get into the love and relationship coaching arena.

Speaker 2: 3:41

Oh gosh, kim, I feel that I've been a teacher my whole adult life, whether it be teaching people how to make fire without matches, you know, to wilderness novices, to traveling through difficult country, through spending three nights and three days alone in a little 10 foot circle with just yourself, and just dealing with life's twists and turns in a group setting, say in the wilderness. And so that provided me this early multi-decade base of just loving that process of self-betterment, imagining that my contribution is helping someone wake up something in themselves and I from them. And so I had this sense, this self-identity that I'm a guide. I didn't have the word coach back then. I was an instructor, and so when I started taking actual personal development workshops, I was like, oh, I'm.

Speaker 2: 4:54

People would seek me out, maybe in the evening or after the workshop was over, and just say, hey, you know, would you maybe talk to us about this or help us with that? And it just, it just organically grew into coaching, hardly because I got a coach. I became involved with this woman who wasn't sure that I was ready for her and I like, oh boy, I need to make a fast study. So I hired a coach, love coach, and and it just returned me to my, my deeper values to. It returned me to me and I say in the book once you find the real you, you want to keep that person and and so Sharing the tools that helped me, discovering tools together, that's just been my joy in coaching people from all over the world.

Speaker 1: 5:53

I think I was really going to what you say in here, where you were in. What a loveless marriage, and that was prior to this woman you're speaking of. It was, I figured, but I also I mean this harkens back to your childhood, where you felt less than you were shy, you were uncomfortable around girls or then women. Yes, it's really interesting that you have been able to develop the side of you that is Confident to be in a relationship. Spoiler alert, as I've read the book Now and I just I was really moved to tears about the way you spoke about this love in your life now, and everybody should have someone like you think of them that way and that is why I would go see a love coach, a relationship coach, because my marriage is, I think, great, but I think there's always communication issues in a marriage.

Speaker 1: 6:51

Does my husband think about me like you're talking about her? I don't know, but you really have obviously gleaned so much from the work that you have done starting off with this coach that I just want people to know that it's not like it's just this one thing. It started when you are quite young.

Speaker 2: 7:13

Yeah, and I just wondered why, as I grew into an adulthood, why Life wasn't showing up with, with this awesome experience, and Because I'm such a good person, why isn't? Why am I having struggles and challenges and disappointments after disappointment, and so that's. I realized life doesn't respond to what you want. It responds to how you show up for life. So absolutely.

Speaker 1: 7:47

You know, that's really interesting, corey, because I've obviously interviewed a lot of people who are manifestation experts and love attraction well, by experts, who's an expert? But that is the underlying, I believe system, as it were, towards anything Is how you show up. You can think and believe, but until you show up in that and really you do have to feel like you're worthy, and it seems like you had to make that transition to I am worthy Of receiving love, but you have to love yourself first.

Speaker 2: 8:25

Absolutely, and I couldn't even start with that. I had to start with how can I find acceptance For me, for all I've done, for my missed opportunities, for when I didn't speak up? How can I just accept that, that I did the best I could with what I thought were my resources, what I knew to be my resources at the time, and so self acceptance, then, can be a step along the way to self love.

Speaker 1: 8:52

How did you? How did you do that? By through coaching yourself. I know deep work.

Speaker 2: 8:59

Well, I was introduced to the concept of Living. Your loving yourself begins with loving yourself even when you don't want to At the high global H A I global workshops, of which I took many, and so that was where I got the concept and that's Fine for a couple days of being really getting it. But the putting it into practice over and being consistent is where you really anchor and become. You really are the new you can. Something you can have and hold in here Is just practice and consistency over time.

Speaker 1: 9:39

And it's remarkable that you have been. Remarkable that you have been able to accomplish that, because so many people who start off Life as you did Shire Without a lot of I'm going to say self esteem I don't know if that's the exact way to do it Don't follow that path that you have followed and you are very fortunate. Me, my vision of you is bursting through, like you burst through the rocks that you would climb. You, you have done some really remarkable things in the way that you have laid out your book and you share some of the things that you have done in the experiences that you have had. Now I'm going to have a hard time remembering exactly this, but there was one Example you gave us when you will couple, actually, where you accomplish something that you didn't think you could do.

Speaker 1: 10:34

Any Gosh, I should have written down that one. I was just so absorbed in the book but I mean, it is such a mind over matter thing that you were able to do. And do you know what I'm talking about? I can't remember. I have so many dog ear parts of this. But Well, speak a little bit about that and we will get into soul statements. But you can do things that you don't think you can, the mind, the body, and can you speak to that a little bit?

Speaker 2: 11:10

Certainly, Kim, there's a certainty that is integral to our soul, to our soul's knowing, and somewhere down in our center that knowing can be contacted. And, as I alluded to before, just being as still as possible and just offering that stillness, it's very common for a soul kind of knowing. I didn't want to really stick on the word message because it's not even like a letter, it's already in your bones and it's like, oh, it's a realization. And so when we have those still times when we can quiet our thoughts or at least be focused on something other than the distractions, then we can align with what our soul knows, what our bones know. And so perhaps you were thinking of a time where I was at an archery station in Canada as a 12-year-old or 11-year-old.

Speaker 1: 12:22

The lovin hood one.

Speaker 2: 12:23

Yes, yeah, and I mean that guy, he's big, he just sneered at me when he handed me this archery, this bow and this one arrow. And then the instructor says, oh, you can't rob a hood, that meaning I can't split the one person that got a bull's eye in the 45 minutes I was standing there or even practically hit the target Like to top. That would be just undoable. But I just knew I could and I had never done it before and I don't think I've done it since. But I just knew that I could and I wasn't thinking, I just let my body take over and just gotten a zen place and looked where I wanted it to be and let go, and my arrow split his arrow and shattered it.

Speaker 1: 13:19

I think that's remarkable you were a 12-year-old.

Speaker 2: 13:22

Yeah, yes.

Speaker 1: 13:23

And you were able to. I'm going to just call it that old mind over matter, because you wanted it or maybe you didn't, I don't know. I mean, is there a way that you can describe it's? You were getting silent even at that time and getting present.

Speaker 2: 13:42

Yeah, and I to me, when things, those kind of messages or knowings are real, is when they have there's a neutrality about it. It's not open to discussion or debate, or maybe or maybe not. It's like no, this is something I know.

Speaker 1: 14:02

If we could all access that at different times, that would really change our lives, Can you? The book is called Soul Statements and as I started reading it before I looked at sort of the list of questions and everything, I thought to myself well, what is the difference between a soul statement and an affirmation? As I was just reading it without knowing that, that was kind of a question. So why don't you tell us what the difference between us or maybe your definition of a soul statement?

Speaker 2: 14:33

Certainly, the Soul Statement is, I would say, a form of affirmation, but it's not putting yourself emotionally into a desired future or outcome. It's affirming something that's already true and good and eternal about you. It's connecting you or declaring a deep value. It's declaring your own value and so a present time reminder of what is true and good about yourself. That way you can calibrate your surface thoughts with what your soul is like. Yeah, this is who and what and why I am. An example of a soul statement might be I have a loving heart. I can call upon the grit inside of me. So it's like an emotional postcard from your center saying here is the ground you stand on, here is where you belong.

Speaker 1: 15:34

I really like that emotional postcard from your center. I really do, dear Kim. I really like that. I'm a visual person, so when I hear something like that, that is very visual, that's beautiful. I see, when you are describing it, the difference Between that and an affirmation, because a lot of people will use affirmations such as I am a millionaire. Well, that is not a soul statement, is it?

Speaker 2: 16:03

No.

Speaker 1: 16:04

I think an affirmation might be something more that we desire. I see how a soul statement could also be that I am a healthy, vibrant individual. Because you want great health, you desire great health, and an affirmation to that could be I am divinely healthy.

Speaker 2: 16:27

Yes, my body knows how to heal itself. That's a truth. So I don't have to, I'm just in agreement. It's just like instant agreement with that. That's one reason I guess I keep going back to stillness and solo, quiet time is because that's where we develop our soul statement. It's like. So we can script in advance. We have this little thing in our quiver to pull out. In that moment of forgetting our lovableness or forgetting that, our worth, we can say, oh, you know what I used to think that and what's actually true is, I can trust my deep knowing to guide me, or whatever the soul statement appropriate for.

Speaker 1: 17:15

The tools you use to assist you on your journey of self-awareness, I guess.

Speaker 2: 17:21

Yes, that's the actual words that I use in my own head. I try to I bring humor, which I can usually do, so I'll curl up my mouth and a little smile and go oh my gosh, I can't believe. I thought that again. What's actually true is I am enough, or whatever, right?

Speaker 1: 17:41

Because we have that automatic negativity bias, our brains automatically go to the worst case scenario. I hate that. I don't know. I don't like the fact that the human body does that and that we have to change it, but we do. The other great thing about your book is you lead us on these wonderful guided journaling exercises, but you also give us the soul statements. So you can just go through and look at Corey's soul statements and whoa, because they resonate with every person. I say that because they resonated with me, but I'm sure they do.

Speaker 2: 18:19

Yeah, and I thought of a smattering since I've written the book and that's good too.

Speaker 1: 18:25

Well, I think we can always access that part of us. But it's nice sometimes to have something in front of us to get our own ball rolling, to get our own brain moving towards what is true for us.

Speaker 2: 18:39

That's right. That's right Because we'll have different things, will bring us down at different times, and so saying you know I have a loving, beautiful heart might not be the best soul statement for every time you're concerned about something.

Speaker 1: 18:58

Right, and I really love that. When I first started the book, I was like, well, one soul statement, that's what we get, that's what we use. And I'm like, whoa, there's like a million soul statements, depending on how we're feeling at this time or that time. And the other thing I thought about as I was reading it is because I did take NLP training myself and I've been through NLP. It's very much like an anchor Anchor to bring you back. To bring you back to your heart, to your soul, to what you know inside is true, and I think that's great for anybody, right? It is similar.

Speaker 2: 19:32

Absolutely no, it's absolutely an anchor. I think that's a wonderful way to look at it and so to say to yourself I have a certainty that's deeper than my thoughts. What a wonderful thing to remind yourself of, Like, oh, I'm not my thoughts. There's something deeper here.

Speaker 1: 19:50

All right, corey, everybody can use that one. Is there anything like me with the monkey brain and the thoughts and the thoughts and the thoughts? I love that one in particular I am not my thoughts the negativity thoughts as well, you know, in particular the negative Right.

Speaker 2: 20:07

And you were talking about the mind looking for what's wrong, which it absolutely does. That's its kind of default for all of us, and what's right is always available too, and so it's almost like a soul statement. Can also be a bit like just adjusting the dial on the tuner, the radio, and you're tuning to a different station. You're, if you have a soul statement, ideally you're feeling some emotion with it, like what's right about me is always available and feeling like, yeah, I mean. And so then your next thought can be based on this better one, and then hope, and then also your, your actions. You can then take a better action, which might be just being more able to listen to another person without arguing for your point of view, but just to be able to. You know, as my serenity increases, I can hold circumstance more lightly, or this, you know, this too shall pass. That could be a soul statement.

Speaker 1: 21:12

I really like that. It's almost like well, as you said, it's sort of flipping the switch, but if you just take a few words out of the negativity bias and switch it around into your negative thoughts and then turn it to positive, that can help. Well, it's just, we have to be aware, we have to be constantly aware of our negative thoughts and flip them around.

Speaker 2: 21:36

Sure, like if a person finds themselves catastrophizing about what if there was a flood and we lost our house or you know some very small chance and a soul statement when you find yourself circling down that drain might be. You know, the truth is that I'm a loved child of God, or I'm held in God's love or the grace of everything, or whatever like that.

Speaker 1: 22:10

That reminds me that it's a lot of the media's fault that we have these, these thoughts. That's a whole, entirely different conversation. They get you going on the California wildfires, or they'd be be afraid of this, or and there are certain things that are valid, but it's only our response to them.

Speaker 2: 22:31

And, like I actually mentioned in the book, that Jim Quick says, the goal of the news is to make every problem your problem.

Speaker 1: 22:39

Yeah, and we cannot let that rule us, and I do believe that more and more people are trying to put that aside. I don't personally listen to them news or watch the news.

Speaker 2: 22:51

I think it's helpful to consider the information input as a diet. Like I have my food intake, well I have my information intake, and both should be balanced and of the right proportions.

Speaker 1: 23:06

And that is a perfect way Got my protein over here, got my veggies here. Another thing that you talk a lot about is nonviolent communication, and you just explain that a little bit. I mean certainly the words we all understand, but you brought up some ways that I wouldn't have necessarily thought of as violent ways of communicating. But when you talk about them in nonviolent communication, I think that's something everybody should know about before we sort of wrap up.

Speaker 2: 23:40

Just a quick example in the we talked about evaluations in NVC, and so an evaluation might be you betrayed me or I feel betrayed. That will just stick with it. I feel betrayed. Well, betrayed is sort of kind of not a feeling. Betrayed is an evaluation of what your actions did. I'm telling you what that was, and so chances are this other person wasn't thinking that it might create a feeling of betrayal or anything like that in you. They were doing whatever they're doing for their own reasons, and so it may or may not have been a betrayal. So it's much more powerful and potent and more likely to be heard by the other party. If you just stick with, this is the feeling that happened. This is what it was like to be me on the inside when whatever event occurred or whatever action took place. So you just you don't have to evaluate the action, but you can say this was the impact on me.

Speaker 1: 24:51

Yeah, it's really changing it around. Maybe and it's just so many people or it appears in couples will have that kind of nitpicky kind of communication and to me that's sort of leading to nonviolent communication or nonviolent responses. And maybe I have that wrong, but when you think of violence you think of what's going on in Israel right now. But it's also our words and our actions. Am I correct in that?

Speaker 2: 25:26

Yeah, and I think really the goal of one of the goals of NVC is to just keep just talk about my part and let the other person say what they want to say, but just maybe owning my own motivations, being honest and transparent with why I did or didn't do a given thing. All the other people they know what they did and why they did it, but they don't know the impact on me necessarily, and that's more valuable information than telling them what I think of them.

Speaker 1: 26:01

Right, this is what I think. I just think that's a really interesting term nonviolent communication and I think it's something that everybody should explore and look into, because we all want to really improve, or we should desire to improve, our communication so that we have more loving relationships with anyone. Right, right, all right, before we close, do you have any sole statement that might be coming to you, or a couple of them that we can leave people with right now that you think might fit?

Speaker 2: 26:34

I know that. One that comes to mind is when I'm maybe sitting or standing in front of my little home altar and I want to just be still and be present. One of my common sole statements is the contentment of the mountains lives inside of me. And that just takes me back to this one spot, this bubbling little spring and the sun. Everything was so peaceful and contented, and it puts me right back there. I'm like, yes, that's part of who I am, that contentment lives in me too, and so I like that. And another one that when you're tempted to maybe lash out at a spouse, you might remember a sole statement and say I have a sacred contract to love and to loving. My center informs me as I love my partner.

Speaker 1: 27:29

Beautiful, beautiful. Thank you so much, cori. I really appreciate your sharing your sole statements and your wisdom and your words and your books, all statements. I think it is of great value to everybody right here and right now, and I really truly see the light that you are encouraging others to find within themselves and within their partners and relationships. Thank you for that. And where can people find you, cori?

Speaker 2: 28:02

Well, I have a website which is corerelationshipcom, and I'm on Facebook and Instagram, but just the website will lead anyone all those other places?

Speaker 1: 28:14

Okay, well, I will put that in the show notes and I don't always say this, but to my listeners I highly recommend this book. I love all of my authors and their books, those that I interview, and I do really make a great attempt to read them all. But this book really spoke to me and I know it will speak to you. So I hope you go out and get a copy because it is really it is sole opening. So thank you, cori, and thank you, listeners, for tuning in to Ignite your Spark. I know that you will be creating sole statements to help you shine your light and to help you with all areas of communication. Thank you again for tuning in. If you enjoyed this, please like it, subscribe and make sure to share it with your friends so we can reach more people to help them shine their light, because the world needs your light.