Finding Strength in Community: A Conversation with Florence Ann Romano on Building Your Village

When the threads of community unravel, where do you find the strength to weave them back together? Florence Ann Romano, the Windy City Nanny, has transitioned from caring for children to guiding us all in stitching the tapestry of our own lives. In our latest podcast episode, she brings a tapestry of wisdom and warmth, discussing her journey and her latest book, "Build Your Village." Her insights on the profound impact of community and the six archetypal villagers she describes are like finding the missing pieces to a puzzle you've been trying to solve. As we explore the intertwining of joy and service, you're invited to reflect on your own relationships and the active choices you make in cultivating them.

Embrace the rhythm of life with a song in your heart and a newfound understanding of the courage it takes to reach out and find your tribe. Whether it's a change as significant as a family divorce or simply the passage of time altering your social connections, this episode is a heartfelt reminder that joy can be found even when sorrow seems to loom large. Listen along as Florence Ann and I share personal stories and professional insights into building a community that dances to the beat of love, service, and proactive engagement in life's ever-shifting journey. Let the joy of living propel you, and may you find the inspiration to clap along, seek out your village, and shine.

FLORENCE ANN can be found here:
https://florenceann.com/

KIM DUFF SELBY:
https://www.kimduffselby.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome back, sparklers, to another episode of ignite your spark. I'm your host, kim Duff Selby, bringing you inspirational people every week that will hopefully help you live a more joyful, inspired, purpose driven life. And my guest today is Florence Ann Romano, and I know that she's going to be bringing you some information you're going to want to hear. Florence Ann is an author. She is by and love this description of personal growth strategist. That's so fun. She's a philanthropist and a businesswoman, and she was previously a nanny for 15 years. I love this because she was known as the Windy City nanny, but she has done so much more in her. Her book right now is called build your village guide to finding joy and community in every stage of life, and I know I'm in a different stage of life than she is, but I just love that title. Thank you, florence Ann, for coming on today.

Speaker 2: 1:06

Oh, thank you, kim. What a beautiful introduction, and your energy is so light and bright, so I'm so thrilled to be here, thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:14

Get your message out in the world. How do you ignite your spark?

Speaker 2: 1:21

I'd like to say that it's the Maya Angelou quote that I live by, kind of my life philosophy People forget what you said, people forget what you did, but people never forget how you made them feel. And I think that's really where I like to lean in in my life is is figuring out how I can take care of people, show up for people, but not forgetting also that I need to put my own oxygen mask on in order to do that for everyone else. So I'm not pushing myself aside in all of it. I'm part of the equation, but I do believe that we're supposed to live a life in service of others. So that's my spark.

Speaker 1: 1:58

Absolutely I could not. That's one of my favorite quotes, but I could not agree with you more that we are here to live a life of service, no matter what it is. No matter whether you're a grandparent now giving service to grandchildren, or you are on a cook, or you are a baker, you are an author. A lot of people will say, oh, the purpose of life is love. Well, yes, it is, but I also feel that in finding and giving love, it's giving service, being in service to others. So I really resonate with what you said.

Speaker 2: 2:28

I think that's so lovely as well, what you said, and I think I agree yes, life should be about love and loving one another, but I think there's a kind of a kind of a spidering off of that, perhaps, and that is that it has to be active love. You know there's, and I think that's the difference is, yes, it's about love, but it's action, it's actionable, and I think that's how we make the ripple effect of change in our world is by making love a verb.

Speaker 1: 2:58

That's so beautiful, beautiful. All right, let's talk a little bit about your story, and I really love your message of it Takes a Village, because we all know that, and especially now at coming out of a pandemic right really need that village, that community came from. Being a nanny transitioned out of that. Talk a little bit about how what you did as a nanny providing you know care, magic and love children and to becoming a business woman.

Speaker 2: 3:28

I'm happy to. It was over 15 years of my life doing the nanny gig and I loved it. I learned so much about humanity and the dynamics of families and I've always been a very curious person about people. I could sit on a bench all day, kim, and just watch people and I just find it fascinating. But after I was a nanny and I always quote Mary Poppins you stay until the wind changes, and the wind changes for lots of reasons, and I ended up retiring from being a nanny and starting a digital content business that focused on brands that haven't had a give back portion of it.

Speaker 2: 4:07

I wanted to focus on mission-based businesses, but at the same time I was doing that, I wrote my first book, which was a children's book, and it was called Nanny and Me, and it helped children understand the transition of being cared for by your parents to be cared for by a nanny or a caretaker, because at the time, the statistic was that over 64% of families in America had a nanny or a caretaker, and I thought to myself gosh, this is not a trend, this is part of our culture, this isn't going anywhere and we really need to pay attention to this transition, which can oftentimes be traumatizing for both the parent and the child and I thought we were doing a disservice by not paying attention to that. And so after I wrote the book, I started doing a lot of media surrounding child care in the new millennium and that was so fun and I loved being able to connect with families in a different way than being a nanny. This was now from this author side and from more of the media side, but still staying very close in contact with that portion of my life. I still stay in contact with all the children I've ever nanny for. I actually have attended weddings of children I have nannyed for, which is just bizarre to me most of the time.

Speaker 2: 5:18

But once COVID hit, I started hearing people social media, just talking to people in whatever sort of forums that I was bemoaning the fact that they didn't know where this village was that proverb it takes a village to raise a child. Like well, where is this village? Is there a phone number? You call, do they show up at your front door Like where are these people? And I started kind of laughing to myself about that, thinking you know what. Well, someone should be giving directions to the village and it should be for more than just people who are parents, because we all deserve to find our people.

Speaker 2: 5:48

So it was during COVID that I wrote my book Build your Village that you mentioned, and I wanted to create six archetypes of villagers that you identify with. Who am I of these six people and who do I need of these six people? Because, again, it's about it's reciprocal. I'm not talking about just gimme, gimme, gimme, it's how do I show up for people too. So now, in my vocation as a personal growth strategist, it's really about connection during the different seasons of your life, because whether you're a teenager or you're 80 years old, the common denominator there is connection, it is friendship and it is having a purpose and feeling like you're seeing her and understood.

Speaker 1: 6:27

Yeah, I could not agree with you more. I watched the documentary Live to 100 on Netflix and one of the things that they had in common these people living into their 90s and the centitrionary and safe lives in communities, the things that keeps them young and we do not have that in the States I feel like I'm lacking community ever since COVID hit out of the house. It is really challenging to create that community and I've been able to create virtual community through podcasting, which I started during the pandemic, but now it's time for us to create community in real life. I mean, I do that, but how do you recommend people do that? Do you think we're missing that, like I do?

Speaker 2: 7:14

Yeah, that's the first question I usually get from people is where do I start? Because let's be honest, kim, this work that I'm asking people to do and my book kind of reads as a workbook. Wherever you are in life, no matter how old you are, what you're going through, you should be able to come back to an anchor of some kind, and that's what I hope the book does. But the first question I usually get is how do I take that step? And I feel philanthropy is the way to do that.

Speaker 2: 7:38

I've always felt that philanthropy was a great way to kind of two birds with one stone in life, because generally you're going to find something that makes your heart flutter you hope you do and you're going to Google that, you're going to research it through your community, through your church, whatever it might be, and then find that place. And then you're going to go there hopefully and meet people that are like-minded, have similar values, and it's a built-in way for you to create and hopefully create friendships or connections. And you're also going to be doing something that again, is part of that ripple effect of compassion and being consciously compassionate. And I always talk about the word lifestyle. That's a big trendy word people use these days, but I really think it's about the love style that's really what we're doing here, that ripple effect that I talk about. So philanthropy is a great first step Because oftentimes, like I mentioned before, this work is honest and vulnerable and that doesn't always feel good and can it be very nerve-wracking for someone who is perhaps a little more shy or a bit of a wallflower.

Speaker 2: 8:39

I am not. I don't think you are either, kim. So we could probably walk into a room and it's fine, and talk to anyone, but COVID made, I think, already probably shyer, more introverted people. They were able to retreat into that tortoise shell and now to coax them out of it again is even harder than it was before, because they had that protection of that bubble during COVID where they didn't have to connect. So I think that's why right now we're also in a friendship recession is because people are not connecting like they did before, and not only are they not doing it, they don't know how to do it and they don't want to do it. That is the bigger piece of the puzzle.

Speaker 1: 9:19

I would say, right there, that is it. Because people know well, at least once you get to a certain age, you know you need to reach out to your friends, you need to keep your friends, you need to text and an email, call, write a letter, do something. I encouraged people to do that during the pandemic as well and I did it myself. I created Zoom with old friends. I wanted to make sure, because some of us really deeply need that connection.

Speaker 1: 9:43

But, like they're just stuck, and I don't think that's healthy, as much as they may enjoy staying inside and binging Netflix. Yeah, that's all well and good, but for your long-term health, we need community.

Speaker 2: 9:57

We do. Yeah, we do, and you're right. The yoga pants and Netflix was so much easier for people making that decision and staying in when you didn't have to. But I also feel like just to expand on that and why it's not healthy.

Speaker 2: 10:12

In addition to being in a friendship recession, we're also in a mental health crisis in our country and this is all related. This is not coincidental. The mental health crisis is rampant. We were seeing suicide rates just skyrocket and I think for people, the missing connection is the idea this is the misconception of the connection is that in order for you to feel fulfilled, in order for you to fill your cup up, that it is a quantity versus quality equation that people are struggling with.

Speaker 2: 10:47

I'm not telling you to run out there and get 100 friends because that's going to fill you up, because I'll tell you what Kim some of the loneliest people I know have the busiest social calendars. So what I'm asking people to do and what I think you're doing the same thing as well is doing that evaluation of what currently exists in your social ecosystem and figuring out what's missing and then being very intentional about how you're casting those people in your life, because, again, it's not a numbers game. This is about the quality of the people that you're attracting and then also understanding that you have to know how you're showing up in those circles as well.

Speaker 1: 11:25

Right, right, such great words, and the first step is awareness that you are lacking that thing. And the second is maybe why? Not the COVID why, but the why? Are you afraid of putting yourself out there? Are you tired? Are you depressed? There could be, as you said, the mental health issues I guess came out. Today I interviewed a woman. It was all about mental health issues. It's really really a big deal. Right, you have to analyze in yourself why you're not getting out there, and even I think, if people think they're okay, maybe they need to really rethink that. Reaching out, as you said, through church or through yoga or wherever it is. You don't have to make such a huge effort, though. You can do something you love and just gently speak to someone you know. It's not like you have to get out there and do a song and dance and invite them over and do this.

Speaker 2: 12:25

You just have to To find your people the older you get, the more built-in social situations that you have just don't exist the way that they did before. You're maybe retired and you're you don't have that social life through your you know business and you're not in school and you're not meeting people on a campus or you're part of a sorority or fraternity. This is. You know we're gonna say the quiet part out loud. As you get older and people start to exit this earth, you know you start to lose that support system to or divorce. You know that that's also a big portion of it. You know I I always mention this because I think it relates to a very specific group, an audience of people Out there.

Speaker 2: 13:06

My parents were married for 40 years for zero before they got divorced and they have been Divorced now four years, married 40, divorced now for four, and my dad is in his early 70s of my mom in her mid 60s. And my dad always says to me you know, florence and I lost the whole village when your mom and I got divorced, even though they're very amicable. My dad realized that he relied on my mom for all of his social relationships and I bring that up as an example because I think it is very common, not just in divorce, but I think, in general. Sometimes we do rely on a partner, or our, our circle of people, or our businesses, our work, our Social situations. We rely on that For building that community.

Speaker 2: 13:58

Um, so I think we have to take ownership, like you said, accountability and self-awareness of who am I in these social Situations? How am I contributing to do it, to make sure that the health of these relationships stays consistent? And I think that's something my dad is going to struggle with for a long time, because I'll tell you what he doesn't want to put in the work To figure out how to fix that. And so, again, that's a big piece of this puzzle too, is do you actually want to fix this in your life? Because you can and you don't have to do it. You know the hundred mile per hour degree, but you're gonna have to do something. So what's the something?

Speaker 1: 14:36

I know it's very interesting because, as you were saying that and thank you for sharing that Well, your village was rocked. Your yes, a little Excuse a minute. Yes, that affects people too and, oh my goodness, after 40 years, I cannot even imagine someone staying together that long and then getting I know, I know and I wish they could have made it, you know the whole way.

Speaker 2: 14:59

But there were, you know, a lot of things that you know kind of Caused that to happen. But you know that was four years ago, so I was in my early 30s and I have to tell you it rocked my world, like you said, even as an adult. And I remember my dad's divorce attorney said to my my dad when he was like, well, they're adults, it doesn't really matter, you know they're, they'll be fine. And she said there's still children of divorce, no matter how old they are. And and I think that kind of sobered my dad's thinking about that, but it does. It does change the vibration and rhythm of your life.

Speaker 2: 15:36

And one, you know, decision by two people, again ripple effects, and you know that took some grounding from me too. And there's been other situations in my life that also, you know, rock you. And even this morning I was reading something that talked about how two things can exist at the same time. You can have sorrow and you can have celebration, but they can exist at the same time and even if you're in the season of your life where it's sorrow or it's grief or whatever it is, it doesn't mean every day is that there can still be celebration and happiness within that. So I know we want a few different places there, but basically the common denominator again here is that there are feelings attached to Decisions or actions, and the feeling we're talking about right now is that you're thinking that something is missing. I'm not feeling filled up or I'm feeling depressed, I'm feeling lonely, whatever it is, and trying to isolate why. Why are you feeling that way and trying to start to do that work to unearth it?

Speaker 1: 16:37

It's interesting because in those separations, in those moments of transition, you can also find moments of connection. For instance, you can connect with other adult children of divorce.

Speaker 2: 16:51

Yes, right.

Speaker 1: 16:52

You can connect with other divorced men.

Speaker 2: 16:57

Right.

Speaker 1: 16:58

You know, in their 70s. So there's always a chance of connection, there's always a personal growth. You just have to seek it. Now, do you work with people one-on-one as a personal growth strategist, or is that just something?

Speaker 2: 17:15

I feel like I do because I feel like on Instagram I always answer every DM I ever I get and so I feel like I do that kind of coaching, like on the side. I just don't do it in that I guess professional respect I do more professional speaking, I would say and kind of, you know, do it from that kind of curriculum point of view. But I've been toying with the idea, kim, of whether or not I would actually like to go into coaching on this. You know more officially. So you're seeing a seed that is sprouting somewhere on my face and my eye, you know, on my brain somewhere.

Speaker 1: 17:51

I mean, I can see it now. It just would take so much work because each of us is so individual and have our own needs. But I think that you're overarching themes of community connection and taking of village. I just I think that's so important. I think it was Hillary Clinton, right, who first started the village, and I know she was talking about kids and you were a nanny and that is how your village began. So just really, it just takes a village for all of us to live and coexist, Right.

Speaker 2: 18:24

That's why and, like I said, I wanted to chop that proverb in half. Yeah, it's beautiful, it takes a village to raise a child, that's true. But what about the people that don't have kids? Are you exempt from the village? You know, of course not. Of course you deserve to find your people. I'm not married, I don't have children, even though I feel like I have a ton of children because I'm nanny for all these kids. Just because I don't have children of my own yet, does that mean that I don't deserve to find that support system? So I feel like I can swim a lot of different waters with people.

Speaker 2: 18:52

As I talk to people about her, it is childcare, or it's a mom who's losing her identity to motherhood, or it's a woman that is in her 70s, or someone like my father who you know has gone through a divorce, or someone who's lost their spouse suddenly and their whole world is rocked and they need, in this crisis moment, people to show up and really support and help her or help him through this. There's a lot of different reasons why we need connection and, like you said, it's very customized to each person, but again, common denominators like we like to look for and everything that we do. The common denominator is that you deserve it, that you shouldn't sit there and think that this conversation that you and I are having today, kim, that anyone out there listening, if you think that you're exempt from it, that you don't qualify and we had talked about before that you in the olden days, you know, back in the bush, as they would say, you know, or in Europe, you know, they had these beautiful villages. I was born into a multi-generational home. I'm Italian, my grandparents lived with us growing up, so I was born into kind of an old school village, but what I realized is I got older not everybody had that, and so what I want?

Speaker 2: 20:04

To empower people, and if you take anything away from what we're talking about today, I hope everyone understands. You deserve this, like I said, and if you weren't born into it, you can make it for yourself, you can create it, design it for yourself. You can do this and find that family or find those people that you didn't have the option of having when you were born, or you had to get rid of certain people in your life because it was toxic. So again, my message to you all is that you all deserve it, no matter what race, creed religion. However, you were born into what you were born into socioeconomics, this is for the taking, this is for you.

Speaker 1: 20:43

Beautiful Laurence, and thank you so much for sharing that. I really appreciate your time here today. I know we have to wrap up now. Oh gosh, it went so fast.

Speaker 2: 20:52

Oh my gosh, I did it. This was so wonderful, cam. Your energy, like I said, is really just so contagious, and I really loved where this conversation went. You gave me a lot to think about too, and nourishment for my soul, so I appreciate you.

Speaker 1: 21:06

But thank you, you validated a lot of the things that I have been feeling as well, and I'm always looking for community. I mean, I literally never say no to friendship.

Speaker 2: 21:16

I love that. Oh, I love that. Never say no to friendship. How cute.

Speaker 1: 21:20

Why do you think you have enough friends? I mean right, Right.

Speaker 2: 21:24

So true, so true.

Speaker 1: 21:26

Always give your heart. When you have kids, you're like how could I love someone more? Well, you can, so you can. And a new friend did.

Speaker 2: 21:34

Beautifully said. Beautiful Amen to that.

Speaker 1: 21:37

Thank you and thank you, sparklers, for tuning in and listening. I'll put all of Florence Ann's information in the show notes so that you can check her out. And check out her book Build your Village a guide to finding joy in community at every stage of life. I know I have listeners of all ages. I hope this ignited something within you If you are sitting around waiting for community to happen or wishing get out there and find your village. And thanks for shining.

Speaker 3: 22:10

Walk through life. Every day is a new beginning. Shine your light. It's your day and the world is waiting. Move along to the song singing in your soul. Feel the beat, clap your hands. Let it take control. All you need, all you want. Are you ready to find your way? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.