The Parenting Podcast: Growing and Learning Together

How to become emotionally intelligent when your child's behaviour triggers you

Sallianne Robinson

I was triggered recently. I saw a dad lose it with his child who was having a disagreement with their sibling, pushed them out of the door of the shop in front of everyone...by the ear! It was unpleasant to watch.

I try so hard not to judge anyone because you never know what's going on for parents and children but this was a tough one I must say.

However, I do believe that whatever is going on for you, it is not fair to take it out on your children. Just because you are emotional and triggered, they may be too but they don't know how to deal with these big emotions. They look at us for support and guidance and when we lose it, you can create a scenario where the child feels unsafe sharing difficult situations with you, and believe me, when they are in difficult situations as they grow older, you'll want to be the first person they come to. So, we have to create that safe harbour for our child to be able to express themselves as comes naturally to them and we are there to support them through it.

This dad could have taken a step back, regulated himself and asked the children to step out so they could have a chat together and try and resolve the conflict. Everyone would have felt heard and safe to react emotionally knowing dad had their back.

I wish I could have helped him.

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