182) The Mike Experiment: Never Too Late to Shift from Victimhood to Empowerment

In this episode I begin by sharing updates that are going on in Brain BS Land and the new direction the podcast is going in with a primary focus on collaboration and community in Santa Barbara and the ripple effect that will have both locally and globally. Much of the collaboration and discussion will be centered around our new dream home that I manifested that is going to require a huge renovation and lots of mind management. I can't wait to experiment with how consciousness can improve the whole experience in amazing ways and have a huge ripple effect on the entire community.

Then  I talk with my brother Mike who was inspired to do an experiment with me on the podcast around his fears as a gay man regarding the upcoming election.  We discuss the challenge of feeling like your rights are being threatened and how difficult it is when you feel like your loved ones are voting against you. We peel back the layers on how he can shift from a 'victim' mentality to one of empowerment and how to take control of his emotional landscape by using tools and strategies that he can implement in real time on a daily basis.

This is the link to the first time Mike was on the podcast discussing what it was like to grow up in a big Irish Catholic family and have to come out as being gay.

https://www.thebrainbs.com/podcast/episode/7f3f3392/81-shooting-the-bs-with-my-brother-mike

This is the link to the episode with Taylor Ver where she explains the basics of Human Design that I mentioned in the podcast.

https://www.thebrainbs.com/podcast/episode/799a1b3b/126-human-design-with-taylor-v

This is the link to the episode with Kathy Boshonko that I mentioned in this episode where we talk about Intuitive Human Design

https://www.thebrainbs.com/podcast/episode/7976e71b/146-intuitive-human-design-with-kathy-bochonko


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If you are a gay person, take time to learn how living consciously can help you to reclaim your personal power and create a positive ripple effect on others no matter what t

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

This is Maureen Kafka, as the brain BS coach, here to tell you about the episode today.

Speaker 1: 0:04

But before I get to that, I want to remind you that the brain BS podcast is here to offer you a psycho, spiritual approach to life that will inspire you to live consciously and make your overall health a priority. Well, it can enhance your quality of life dramatically. It is not meant to be a replacement for a needed intervention, so if you are struggling with your physical, emotional or mental well being, please seek the professional support that you need. Before I dive into the episode today, I want to give you some updates, because there is a lot going on here in Santa Barbara and it is so much fun. I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. I'm having so much fun experimenting this year. I cannot believe how good 60 is and it just got better because we just closed on our new home, our dream home that I've been manifesting for years, and I'm going to definitely be doing a podcast about it and all the people I'm going to meet in the huge ripple effect that it's going to have on so many different people. But I'm not doing that today. Today I want to wrap up some of the episodes that I have planned before. I decided to go in a new direction and do things here in Santa Barbara, so my aim for the future is to make the podcast all about community and about how living consciously and supporting other people and collaborating with one another is definitely the way to go. So, even though I'll be talking about things happening here in California, I'll still be able to show you how you can apply it to your own lives and how beneficial it is, and it is a lifestyle you're going to want to adopt, I promise you. It is just like the best way to live is when you are open to all the possibilities, you have no expectations, you are willing to do the work on yourself and like face those demons that you have with yourself and all those fears and anxiety, and when you're able to do all that, it just opens up so much. And I recognize that many people are not able to do that that they're doing their best and they're trying to get by, and that the reason why they can't do that is because they have trauma that hasn't been dealt with or managed or maybe even acknowledged.

Speaker 1: 2:18

So this is not about me suggesting that everybody is open to the same possibilities because we're all on our own personal journey and we're all at a different place in that journey. Some of us are further along the road where we can be more open to stuff. Some of us still have some work to do before we can get to that place, and that's neither here nor there. That's not a judgment, that one's ahead. It's just different, right, and we're all in a different place because we're all designed to bring our unique gifts to the world and work together. Nobody else has the same gift as us. Nobody has the same leadership quality, the ability to make something happen, that ripple effect that we're going to produce. Nobody else has it, it's just us. So to not uncover it and not discover who you really are and become your authentic self means you are withholding that gift, which is what we're here to do. It's a whole purpose of what our life is about. So that's what I want to say.

Speaker 1: 3:19

First, I'm really excited about this in Santa Barbara and bringing everything to that, but I did do some podcast episodes and interviews before I decided to go in this direction. So I want to honor those experiments because they're really good ones with my brother, mike, and that's the one that we're going to do today. And then the other one is with my friend, chris, and she's actually going to be a part of the Santa Barbara one, because I actually met her at my friend's house here in Santa Barbara. So the idea is that, no matter where you live in the world and what you're doing, you can have a ripple effect far beyond where you imagine you are right now. So Chris came to Santa Barbara, I met her here, she left Santa Barbara, she went back to Washington and then she went to Arizona and she's having a ripple effect on people because of what she learned from me, and then I'm having a ripple effect on people from what I learned from her, and it's like so on and so forth. So this is what it's all about Community and collaboration. Very excited about it I also have.

Speaker 1: 4:23

There's an organization here in Santa Barbara called SCORE, and SCORE is basically free coaching. So I am looking forward to meeting with the chairperson, tom Phillips, this upcoming week to discuss how he can help me with my business and who else can support me. And I'll be having him on the podcast too, because SCORE is a national organization, it's not just here in Santa Barbara, it's in many places, and it's so crazy because there's all these coaches out there charging all this money for business coaching and SCORE is free. So I feel like I totally hit the lottery with that one. I am going to start doing in-person events at a place called WorkZones. I'm going to get membership there, and one of the first things I'm going to do is I'm going to interview Claudia Chodeson. She was on the podcast before she told her story and she wrote a book called the Dark Room about a triumphant story of overcoming shame and uncovering her authentic self and stepping into her personal power in a way that is amazing. I get goosebumps even when I talk about her and that has had a ripple effect on her family. So we're going to do an in-person event in Santa Barbara in the next couple months.

Speaker 1: 5:41

This is all new for me, so I'm learning and figuring it out as I go, but I am spending way more time in person with people than online and I am just loving it. I really like in-person. I do value online as well and I still want to be there for people outside of the Santa Barbara area and I'll still be posting, and at some point I will create a BrainBS community online, I believe, where we can all interact. But until then, I do have the free course that I offer the Mastering BrainBS for Success course and that comes with the community on Facebook where you can ask questions. All you have to do is go to my website and download the free course. You just give me your email and in return you get an introduction to learning how to rewire your subconscious programming. So take advantage of that. You're not going to get a much bigger gift. I spent a lot of time on that course. Never dreamt that I would give it away for free, but love the idea of doing that. I'm hoping to meet as many people as I possibly can to give that course too.

Speaker 1: 6:50

Now, I did recently do a course that was supposed to help me with my podcast, to improve it and make it better, and you know what it's done it's robbed me of time. So I will keep a couple of things. I'm going to work on my show notes and keep those good. I am going to keep offering a transcript of everything that I say in the podcast. But the blog's a goner. The blog takes so much time for me to do and for as little as it's getting read or seen, and then you can just read. You can read the transcript if you prefer to do that instead of listening to a podcast. So those are your two options right there.

Speaker 1: 7:33

No blog the blog's going away again.

Speaker 1: 7:36

I remember why I did it in the first place and I just want you to know that experiments my word.

Speaker 1: 7:41

So I was a little hesitant about bringing that blog back when this Pat Flynn's course told me to do it.

Speaker 1: 7:47

And then now I'm like eh, my sponic authority from human design, how I make decisions is a big NO on that. So that's going away. I also said I was going to start doing a monthly newsletter, which I'm going to stick with that, just to give updates on there of what's going on and maybe share some cool resources with you that I don't offer anywhere else, so that it can benefit you to be on my email list. I am really looking to create workshops in the community to do things with people as a group, to do it with other coaches, to do it with other individuals, to do it with local businesses. I'm open to all of it and that is the way I want to roll. I know more doing it by myself or trying to figure it out or get in my head about trying to be successful. It's all going to be about community and service and all of us being in it together, and I really, really, truly believe we can all succeed together.

Speaker 1: 8:45

Okay so now, let's, that's. I think that's all I have for you. I know things are always changing here on a regular basis all the time and I love it. I'm having so much fun, but anyway, so enough of that Now today.

Speaker 1: 9:01

Today's episode is the Mike experiment, and my brother, mike, was on the podcast before. It was a great interview, I think it was. I should look into that. I'll put it in the show notes that I'll put the link to this to the episode that we did before, but it was about what it was like to grow up in our family and be gay and in the closet about it, and how difficult it was for him to come out. And now he has to continue to come out throughout his entire life. So we're really kind of talking about this in this episode. But we're taking it to the next level with the election coming up and with feeling of that gay people have, of feeling that their rights are being threatened and they don't have the same rights as other people. And this is legit, this is a real thing, right, and some people don't want them to have them. So what, what a conundrum it is when you have loved ones who are not voting for your rights and and and the way you interpret that. So we're looking at how he can interpret that and way that works for him better than what he's been doing in the past. So we're experimenting here and we'll see what happens and I will definitely follow up when I give updates on the podcast about how Mike's doing and about how the work benefited him and if it feels right and good, we'll have him back on the podcast.

Speaker 1: 10:26

So, and even though he's not in Santa Barbara, I'm in Santa Barbara, so I'm bringing consciousness. I'm not bringing it because there's a lot of it here, but I'm experimenting with it here in Santa Barbara and it's having a ripple effect on my brother, mike, who lives in North Carolina. So I just I just going to keep pointing out this ripple effect and how it works. It goes way beyond your immediate environment. The impact that you have on people and that is whether you're living consciously and trying to live at a high frequency or if you're unconscious and you are at a very low frequency, a very negative energy is going to have a huge impact on the people around you too. So somebody has to take leadership, and that's what this podcast is all about.

Speaker 1: 11:16

So I want you to sit back and settle in for episode number 182 of the brain BS podcast, the Mike experiment. Do you want more out of your life but not exactly sure what that might be? Are you longing for something but can't quite put your finger on what it is? That is the universe speaking to you and it is time to listen up. I'm your host, maureen Kafka, the brain BS coach. I created the brain BS podcast to help people define what success means to them and show them how to get it. I help you to let go of fear and doubt and prepare your nervous system for success. I show you how to understand your own energy and to trust yourself to make all the decisions. If you are ready to go inward and stop looking outside yourself for all the answers, this is the podcast for you. Now let's get started.

Speaker 1: 12:04

Hello, welcome back to the brain BS podcast. I have a guest here today who's a returning guest because he's VIP and it's my brother, mike. Mike was on the podcast before. We did an episode last year about what it was like for him to come out as being gay well, growing up gay and a big Irish Catholic family where there's 10 of us kids, and how difficult that was and how challenging it was and how it continues to this day to still be challenging for him. He's working on that. I brought him back today because we're going to do a brain BS experiment. Before we get into what we're going to talk about, I'm just going to let Mike say hi and share whatever else you want to share right now.

Speaker 3: 12:54

Hi Maureen, hi everyone. I'm Mike Maureen's brother.

Speaker 1: 13:00

I've been working with brain BS material for the last year or so and it's been going well, thank you yeah, so okay, without getting into, if you can, without getting into what we're going to be talking about today, Can you kind of maybe share with the audience some of the benefits that you experienced on a daily basis from going inward to do this work?

Speaker 3: 13:29

Well, what I have been able to do as a result of this is examine not just listen to my thoughts, but examine them, and I now am able to the whole process that you taught in your one of your courses. Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to action, and so I do that daily. I do it throughout the day, and I now know you know to examine a certain way I'm reacting to something and trying to figure out why I'm doing that, and then, more often than not, making a conscious choice of thinking differently about the situation and changing the way I feel.

Speaker 1: 14:27

Yeah, that makes sense. It does make sense, and it's because what you're doing is you're increasing your self-awareness of what's going on in your mind and you're not believing all the brain BS that it offers you all day long, like 60,000 thoughts a day, and the majority of them are not and you didn't know that before.

Speaker 1: 14:46

So you were getting caught up in the emotion of those lies because you were buying into them. And now there's still some that you buy into right, like when you like. Some of you are always about feeling better right away, but it's about consciously deciding. Should this be upsetting? Am I looking at it clearly or am I looking at it from like a primary subconscious brain filter? That has me a little confused.

Speaker 3: 15:14

Right and that's the other piece to this is I have filters that were developed from day one of my life, throughout my upbringing and throughout growing up, and they have a major impact on the way I think and the way I react. So, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:41

Our fill out. We all have primary sub I call them primary subconscious brain filters there are a lot of life that we look at that most people don't even realize is optional. They think it's life. So when you become aware of those filters, you can be much more intentional about how you break things down and examine them. So you can you share a couple of the filters that you uncovered doing this work, how it's helped you.

Speaker 3: 16:09

I think one is that I'm less than. I don't know if it's an actual filter, but there's another one where I'm being wronged, I'm the victim. That is, to my surprise, turned out to be a bigger one than I even realized at the beginning, and it seems to be the most prevalent one on a day to day basis. And you know this sort of this righteous indignation look what the world is doing to me, whether it's, you know, somebody speeding or running a stop sign or somebody parking, yeah, you know, and and this really kind of I don't know if it's a good thing is sometimes it's like no, I'm just going to stay here and be the victim. I have found that it's often it feels better, but it's more work to not be a victim than to remain the victim and just go about life in that fashion.

Speaker 1: 17:31

Yeah, it requires a different kind of. You have the exhaustion of staying in the victim place. Right. It becomes too exhausting to stay there, but bring up a good point, and this is really important because we're not talking about spiritual bypassing or trying to. You know toxic positivity. We're deciding on purpose. Okay, do I want to stay here? Do I want?

Speaker 1: 17:53

to add for a little bit, because sometimes I want to, so I just stay there. But then when I'm ready to get out of it, I have the tools. Now, right, you're out how to do that. But it's also. It's a lot more than just the thoughts, because we can change our thoughts. So, and then when you said I teach a thing, fill up cycle, like that's been around forever, so it's not like I came up with it.

Speaker 1: 18:15

But, you create feelings and those lead to actions and give you your results. And I just totally forgot where I was going with that.

Speaker 3: 18:25

I'm sure I don't know.

Speaker 1: 18:28

But anyway, everyone knows about being fill up cycle now, so we'll just kind of move on from there. But the being wronged, that I'm being wronged filter was a big one for me too. It's about, you know, feeling like the world out to get you and poor me, and woe is me. And oh, I know what I was going to say. When you it's sometimes it's just too hard to believe a thought. Sometimes you're subconscious, programming is so embedded in you and it's so you can't just consciously decide Okay, I'm not going to think, I'm not going to believe that thought anymore. It just that way and you're unconscious and subconscious programming always speaks louder than any words or conscious things that you can try to do. Which is why I'm like on a mission to try to inspire more people to do this work, because life changing when you are not dealing with that bullshit on a daily basis and you have peace of mind and you can fall joy for a change. Right, right.

Speaker 3: 19:30

I mean, yeah, I do, and it truly is a choice. Yeah our hour to hour. You know I make choices differently now about how I think about something. Yeah, or react to it.

Speaker 1: 19:48

Well, what I find amazing is so I felt like one of my filters was like I didn't belong here. Long hair like there's something wrong with me.

Speaker 3: 20:01

I don't belong where in Santa Barbara, or just belong oh no, my whole life. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1: 20:07

Our family grown up. I'd be sitting on and be like I just don't, I don't belong here, I'm like like everyone else. It was just like a and I didn't know what was going on. Then that's like the first time. I remember sitting around on our dining table as an adult and looking around and getting this feeling in my body and I was like, oh my God, I think I have anxiety. I mean, as if I needed to figure it out, like I didn't know. I mean, I'm the best case. Right.

Speaker 1: 20:39

So it's hilarious that, but I had that. I remember having that insight Like, wow, I think. I think this is what anxiety is so crazy, but anyway. So back to oh my gosh, I forgot what I was saying again. Do you even remember what I was saying? So, oh, I know life. Life has a way of putting you in situations that reinforces that brain filter that you have, because your brain looks for evidence to support whatever it is you're already thinking. Right.

Speaker 1: 21:20

And behold, I end up in a blended family. Yeah right where I can't have my own children. Right.

Speaker 1: 21:27

I have stepdaughters. So again, here I am in a situation where I don't really feel like I belong, like I'm not the core, I'm not a part of the core of this family, I'm like an afterthought and my thoughts don't matter, my feelings don't matter. So life has a way. The universe, god, whatever you want to call it has a way of putting you in those situations. I mean, we create that. I manifested that for myself because I continually thought I didn't belong. Right, so I bring to myself, so I bring all this up because this kind of lens towards the topic that we're going to work with on the brain BS experiment, and I think that's really like you've been wronged that you are a gay man and the election is coming up and you are always in question and are already always something that you need to defend and that situation and that you how we're.

Speaker 1: 22:27

so we, mike and I, have no idea what we're doing here. We are just talking about this because it is a common challenge for people who are gay to have loved ones who love them back but then vote against them and that's what it feels like. They're voting against you and you're right. Right. Yeah they're thinking that, but I think that's so. Tell us a little bit about what it feels like for you when you what? Well, first, before we like, what's it like when you meet people? Are you wondering? Like, are they?

Speaker 3: 23:02

Well, yeah, it's kind of calmed down, but clearly, around the no last election it was always in the back your mind and, frankly, when I found out somebody was Republican or voting for Trump, that was it. I wrote them off. They were off at Facebook. I was no longer a friend of theirs and that was it. And most of those people were acquaintances or somebody you know, a Facebook type friend, if you will. But then I started finding out that people in my life were, you know, listening to Tucker Carlson or watching Fox News or voting for Trump. And that's when I was like just totally bewildered and it was a struggle because, you know, it was like I don't necessarily want to cut them out of my life. For a while I did. I thought that was a solution.

Speaker 1: 24:17

You know, just read let's talk about that for a minute.

Speaker 3: 24:21

Sure.

Speaker 1: 24:22

I think that a lot of people think that's the solution because it's too uncomfortable. Right. It's like you know you have to actually have a conversation with those people or to experience the feelings that you have with them and be open, honest and authentic about it. Otherwise you have to hide it, and it's exhausting to hide how you're feeling right.

Speaker 3: 24:42

Right.

Speaker 1: 24:43

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 24:44

Yeah, and there's um. You know I've there's family discussions that I you know I I'll stay away from um. Um, it's been and I think for good reasons, it's been clarified that you don't bring up political issues in the family setting um to avoid any situations like that. Um.

Speaker 1: 25:19

But, here's the thing though you could, you could not have the conversation and avoid it, but the energy. Right. So they're behind the beliefs in the programming that each person has, so it can pretend like on the surface, like you don't rock the boat and everything, hey, but beneath the surface you're still struggling because you don't know oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 25:44

Yeah that's not. Yeah, I mean, it's not a good thing, it's not a good feeling when you meet new people, like do you ask them?

Speaker 1: 25:53

Well, I mean, so we have this whole thing right About whether, who, when you come out, you have to come out over and over and over again to people. Yeah. And um, so what it's? What's it like for you when you meet people and you automatically like are you more outspoken about who you are now Unless? Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 3: 26:14

I think it's different settings and different levels of friendship and you know different type of people Um, I don't. You know I don't introduce myself as a gay man, but I have no problem Um most of the time. You know saying I'm Mike and this is my husband, brian, or um telling somebody in conversation that my husband Um at work with coworkers Um most of them Um I'm out. When I meet new people, I mean there's a lot more to me other than you know my sexual preference.

Speaker 3: 27:01

So it's not one of those things where you know I'm out and I'm proud and I'm, you know, waving the flag rainbow flag.

Speaker 3: 27:10

Yeah, so it different situations I, but I still and I think I've said this before I still throw a mission or for and different settings lie Because it's safer employment wise and safer in the job setting in certain situations Not to rock the boat and it's a choice I make. I can, I have no problem coming out, but in North Carolina I'm not protected as a gay man. So if a company wants to Remove me because certain patients don't like the fact that I'm gay, then they can do that and I have no Nothing to fight with.

Speaker 1: 28:04

Right, well, okay, so I'm just going to introduce a, an idea right here, like, as you're saying that the state won't protect you. Right.

Speaker 1: 28:14

But if you approach, how you deal with them and and how you come out and how you say what you say, and you're doing it from a place of a clean energy and a solid belief in yourself, the unit. Will support you. Now, I know that's not the same thing, I know that you know, but I think at a certain point that's where your power comes from being like you know, fuck it A little bit, Not like you have to.

Speaker 1: 28:48

Believe me, yeah Right, because it's sometimes, at the end of the day, it's about feeling powerless. That feels so shitty and you have to be careful and order for it to be safe. And, like you know, how empowering would it be to create your own parameters and know that if you say something and you do it from the heart, there's no way and be punished for it long term.

Speaker 2: 29:14

Right, right, but it's hard not to be mad, though, right.

Speaker 3: 29:21

Yeah it's. It's a mixture of mad and just it's a little disbelief that, at the age of 64. I'm still playing the same games I was playing when I was, you know, 14. And then junior high school, Somehow hiding who I am.

Speaker 1: 29:44

Yeah, but that's a little bit of brain BS, because you were really hiding it then.

Speaker 3: 29:49

Oh yeah, you are.

Speaker 1: 29:57

You're doing it only in certain areas.

Speaker 3: 30:01

Otherwise you very out in proud of who you are in, right, but those in those instances, all I'm saying is in those instances it doesn't feel good. So I was kind of.

Speaker 1: 30:10

I was kind of like I'm not a fan of the, I'm not a fan of the energy To not be who you really are, oh it's got to be. I mean, I know, as a person who's not? Even gay, just being a phony people, please. Or doing all the things I did throughout the years in the resentment yeah, bursting with resentment. If I was you so like.

Speaker 1: 30:40

The only way for me to feel like I reclaimed my personal power was to disappoint other people and be so honest and authentic, Because that was the only way I could do it and not go back. You know, I had to just be like no, I don't want to spend all my time with you. Yeah no, I love you but no, I got things I want to do by myself, like really being honest about that and who I am. Right, it's so freeing for me and your situation's different, but I would imagine it would be super freeing and empowering for you to just be who you are.

Speaker 3: 31:20

Oh, I daydream about it.

Speaker 1: 31:23

Well, if you daydream about it, then it's in the cards for you.

Speaker 3: 31:27

Yeah, yeah. I thought maybe the last Few months of work I'd go in and drag and just kind of no, I'm kidding.

Speaker 1: 31:36

Oh, please. Now we're confusing drag with gay. I know I know the last thing you want to do. Yeah. Well, okay, so. So when you think about this, the next election's going to come. We don't really know what the results are going to. Be Right, I'd forbid we got these 2 guys here again If no idea like to me, it's complete insanity. The whole system is just I don't get. I don't get too worked up in it anymore, but I also don't have my rights being Well I do as a woman with yeah.

Speaker 1: 32:14

But I just don't keep dwelling in negativity and getting super negative and critical of the system and everybody who thinks differently of me is the solution to the problem, and no, it's not from a universal loss standpoint. Right.

Speaker 1: 32:28

And I do to change the world and to. I do what I can. I vote Anything I can do in the community to support people. I do. But I'm not going to dwell in negativity. I'm not going to sit and watch the news and all upset over the state of the world and think terrible things are happening because it doesn't serve for purpose. There's no Eckhart totally says unless you have a solution to the problem, that is not helpful at all.

Speaker 3: 32:59

I agree, and and there's very, very little News really, I think the major, you know, take your choice CNN, msnbc Not to the extent, but they fuel the same Division that Fox does to some degree, us versus them, you know. Look at what they're doing and I have really really cut back on that. I typically We'll look online at news and what's really amazing is you can get all your news in 30 minutes and the fact that people watch it for, you know, 5, 6, 7 hours a day Is kind of crazy, because it's the same stuff over and over and over again.

Speaker 1: 33:54

The only thing they're listening to is what their brains already looking for and to support. They're not open to a new opinion, not if you're all the way to the right or the left. They're not trying to learn anything new. They're trying to confirm why they hate these other people and why right and those other people are wrong and those other people are doing the same thing.

Speaker 3: 34:17

Exactly so. That's why I've. I've tuned it out a lot I've. I am on Facebook from time to time, but not nearly as much, so it just doesn't Do it for me.

Speaker 1: 34:37

Well, I remember when you were, when you were like in it, you know, we're doing this work and how stressful it wasn't distressing, and how mad and upset, yeah, yeah, and you weren't quite ready to start doing this work yet, but I already had been all in. And it's just like oh, this is such a way. And again, it's not toxic positivity, it's not spiritual bypassing, it's being selective about how you want to use your energy. What is going to create the biggest benefit to the most amount of people. Right.

Speaker 1: 35:11

Danging a space of clean energy and a higher frequency Is the best way to do that, and that's how you change the world around you, the your corner of the world. That's how you are the best version of yourself, and then you inspire other people to be one too.

Speaker 3: 35:27

Well, yeah, and the book you're talking about a new earth. I'm reading it for a second time because the first time it was. There's just so much information that I'm going back a second time and now it just kind of Fits together better. But yeah, it's hot. It's all about just my little piece of the Expansive universe and what I can do, and that's really all I can do.

Speaker 1: 36:03

Yeah, and it's been doing the same thing every election, which is what a lot of people are doing. Nothing's going to change. They're all just going to all get pissed off, and then everybody's going to sit there and think the state of the world is so horrible because all they're focusing on Is politics. Right. I'm over here like living consciously and love is the solution in the answer, and I'm literally having a different experience, because what you pay attention to grows. Right.

Speaker 1: 36:36

So where you put your attention. So it's not helpful to even when you think that you're commiserating, like with people in another country and war zones. You can have compassion and empathy and not dwell in negativity and the judgment and the criticism. We are not in those wars. Everybody has opinions, but we're not in them. Right.

Speaker 1: 37:01

We're not there on the, you know, fighting the war, or the war is not taking place in the country that we live in. And just because we have a view of how we look at it doesn't mean that everybody has that same view and that is so hard for people. But I'm telling you after reading a new earth Like that is so ego driven. Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:23

Thinking that people have to think the way, that you're right and they're wrong, like it's all ego and it's exhausting when you live like that because you think that other people are so like exhausting and drain you. But it's living like that and constant judgment and criticism of everything that is exhausting.

Speaker 3: 37:44

Yeah, well, that's yeah, and he even talks about politics and religion. It's. Those are two huge examples of that. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 37:57

Religions. Organized religion is politics. It's like it makes money, just like politics does.

Speaker 3: 38:03

Right and it's all ego driven. We're right, they're wrong.

Speaker 1: 38:08

So Okay, so now that, so this election is coming and we were talking about this before we came on but so there's some things that you have no control over, but there's some things you do have control over, and that's the key Doing the things you have control over and referring to the things that you don't, and then trying to make a difference where you are. So what are you doing differently in this election that you haven't done before?

Speaker 3: 38:36

Well, like I mentioned, I'm not watching the news. You know I used to watch the news to wait for somebody to confirm what I was thinking. So I get my news in different sources but you know, maybe 30 minutes out of the day I do that. I don't spout my opinions or disagreements on social media at all.

Speaker 1: 39:15

Let me talk about that for a minute, because sometimes people are afraid to go on social media because of being heard and seen, and then sometimes it's because they're afraid they're going to get so mad at other people, and then it could be a combination of both, but it sounds like can you tell me because the reason I stopped doing it and fighting about that kind of stuff is because it's all ego? Yeah.

Speaker 1: 39:42

It doesn't help the situation, like I keep saying on here, if you dwell in that and get in fights with people and stuff about all this. It's not helping anybody.

Speaker 3: 39:51

Yeah yeah. It has really tamed down from when you know, the last presidential election was there. It was I thought it was out of control on Facebook with people fighting and, you know, cursing at each other, and so it has gotten better. But I still stay away from it Most of the time. When I would shoot my mouth off about something, it would maybe feel good for a second. Then I'd be like, hmm, shouldn't have done that. Or sometimes, even while I was doing it, I'm like you really shouldn't do this. Any click, which was amazing to me. But I mean, I go on and look, I spend more time looking at sports stuff than anything else.

Speaker 1: 40:54

Yeah Well, so that brings up a point that you've made several times. But what you read, what you watch on TV, what social media has a drastic impact on your nervous system. Like I used to watch Dateline, all the time I thought everybody was trying to kill me. Like when I'd be on walks in the forest preserve and see like an older couple and I'd walk by and I'd be like they could be killers and I'd be like looking out the corner of my eye. Plus, I watched Dexter too, which didn't know.

Speaker 1: 41:29

Between those shows and I love Dateline. We used to watch that with dad right. He loved. Dateline. And I watched that for years. I don't watch anything like that now because it really did make me think. It fed my subconscious and unconscious programming. So you pay attention to and digest, Whether it's food or materials or whatever. It really makes a difference on your nerves. Oh yeah.

Speaker 3: 41:58

Absolutely yeah. So, yeah, I've cut back on that a great deal. I've also decided that I would get proactive instead of sitting back as the victim. And you know once again, you know talking about how this is wrong and that's right and blah, blah, blah. I'm getting involved with writing postcards for different organizations. So you'll send a request for a mailing list. So send you, you know, however many names you want 40, 600, and you get postcards and they give you a script.

Speaker 3: 42:47

It could be for, like a primary in Nevada, or you know primary in California and you just send these out and their statistics show that they have. They have like a 2% impact on the vote and in some cases 2% is the difference between, you know, the candidate I want and the candidate I don't. So it sounds small, but I think it's taking action. And for somebody who's had such a loud opinion about stuff, I haven't done jack shit, you know, and that's what really cracks me up.

Speaker 3: 43:31

It's like you know well, why don't you put your money where your mouth is? So that's what I'm doing, and then there's other things you could do which I haven't gotten involved yet. You can get people to vote, to register to vote. You can go canvassing which that in and of itself brings up some little bit of fear, but a couple of friends of mine have canvas in California and they said it was a really wonderful experience because they got to actually talk to people, people that they disagreed with, but they had actual civilized conversations on their doorsteps, and so that even though they didn't get the vote.

Speaker 1: 44:21

They felt better just taking the action, and that just brought up a very, very good point and I just got total goosebumps it's about. It feels like it's the result of the elections and all these things going on outside you that are causing you so much angst when elections happening. But, it's really who and this isn't I'm saying you, but it's all of us it's who you're being during that time period. That is so, like you said, you haven't done jack shit. You've been doing your opinions. In everything you've been doing, you've been really passive. Right.

Speaker 1: 44:59

Right, so you feel powerless. And then you make yourself powerless by not doing anything. Right. So even if the election ends up the way you don't want it showing up as the best version of you and focusing on who you're being instead of anyhow or trying to get anybody to do anything or controlling anything outside yourself is what makes you feel better. It's never the result that it's who you're being that makes you feel better. For it to be sustainable. Right, I agree, I agree.

Speaker 1: 45:32

Yeah, Otherwise you would just like after this election, you'd immediately be worried about something else related to your gay rights. There'd be no peace ever. Right. So this kind of reminds me of Eckhart Tolle too, because this is the state of the world. So you have three choices. This is reality, the present moment. You have three choices. You either accept it fully and accepting it fully is not the same as tolerating it, so it's accepting fully you change it, or you leave it, which we don't want you to leave.

Speaker 1: 46:11

So you have those two choices, and then so all you can do is change what you can change in the situation outside yourself, but the real change comes from how you perceive the situation and how you get it to work for you. Right. And not to you, which I think is challenging for people to hear, especially if, like someone saying it, like me, who doesn't have a lot of concerns, I'm not dealing with any threats, I have a pretty awesome life and everything, but you can still feel tremendous pain Even if you have everything you could possibly want. Right.

Speaker 1: 46:48

Because it has nothing to do with your environment or what's around you. It's what's going on inside you. Right yeah. When I wake up on days and I'm in angst and I'm feeling terrible, and mostly it's related to trying to help people, which is kind of ridiculous. Yeah. Did I get myself into that state when it's not going to help me? Right. All, but I always try to figure out how it's happening for me and not to me and how I can become a better person because of this situation. Right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:22

So I'm wondering if there's anything else that you that isn't tied to the election, but it's tied to you being open and honest and authentic about who you are. If there's any and it might not be something that you come up with on here, but having a recording, something about how it feels for you and that you understand you have your primary brain filters. Right.

Speaker 1: 47:59

But really, but okay, but as I'm saying this, I'm like but so you have an eight loving actions, right, and in relationships. So suggesting that you be heartfelt and be willing to be vulnerable, right, Because typically in this situation you get angry and mad Right All of us when somebody's disagreeing with us or doesn't.

Speaker 1: 48:24

So being able to be really open, honest and vulnerable about how it feels to open up some people's eyes and awareness around, because I think vulnerability and openness is more likely to inspire someone to change the way they're thinking than anger and somebody telling them you know that they're wrong and there's something wrong with them. Right, I agree. Yeah. So how does that feel like? Even when I say that, does it feel really uncomfortable.

Speaker 3: 48:57

Um, no, because I've kind of seen it in action, if I understood what you were saying. Like I don't um part of why I don't necessarily come right out right away to people at work or whatever is. Um, I know in the past I've become friends with somebody, or just good acquaintance. We laugh, we joke a lot, you know, and um, then, out of nowhere it's like well, so I bet your wife would bubble and I'd say my husband and you see their little, you know their brain, stop for a minute. And um, it just seems to be a better. They're kind of in a position Well, here's this person that I've grown to like. He's, more than you know, just a gay man, um, and it puts him in a position where, even if they weren't comfortable with gay people, now they think about it and um, I don't know if I'm making sense or not.

Speaker 1: 50:08

Well, you are, but there's a couple of things that's coming up for me. One is um, there's a little bit of projection going on here about you thinking that you know what they're thinking. Oh yeah. When you see that, look on your face and typically when we think somebody else is thinking something, it's us projecting that probably onto them.

Speaker 3: 50:29

So, and then, brian and I have both said that.

Speaker 1: 50:32

Yeah, and then also thinking that you even have to worry about them at all.

Speaker 3: 50:40

That's true.

Speaker 1: 50:41

Because if they have a problem with it, like I'm over here but it's not me, but I'm like, if they have a problem, fuck them. Like don't do it with them.

Speaker 3: 50:50

Yeah. So you don't work with them every day?

Speaker 1: 50:53

Well, I know, I know, but, but it's also like you can still be. You don't have to be friends with them, but you could be coworkers and get along. And.

Speaker 3: 51:04

I yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 51:05

So I'm just like thinking of and, like I said, it might be something that you come up with here, or maybe you'll come up with something and then you can share it with us because I do a blog post with the episodes now, so I can even include it in the blog post and just something that could be. It's not like you have to run around and be open and vulnerable with everybody. Right.

Speaker 1: 51:28

But I'm just thinking like something that would make you really feel like you reclaimed your personal power, maybe claimed it for the very first time as a gay man, and because that could have a huge ripple effect. Even and it doesn't have to, nobody else even has to it's not like it doesn't have to be a big major thing that you do. It's something that you've avoided doing the majority of your life, because you were worried about how you would be received by other people, and you just took back that energy. Okay.

Speaker 3: 52:06

But and it has to be centered around being gay- Could it be?

Speaker 1: 52:14

Well, I mean, given that, that's what we're talking about. Yeah. The podcast. I think that is where your your biggest area of personal growth could be. Yeah, but you know what? No, it doesn't have to be, because it could be anything that makes you powerful, because that has a ripple effect and it's going to lead over to that part of your life around you Right. This stuff doesn't differentiate between different parts of us.

Speaker 3: 52:41

Okay, Well, I will. I honestly can't think of something right now.

Speaker 1: 52:48

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 52:49

Okay, now I will. Ok, I'll try, unless you know something.

Speaker 1: 52:56

No, I mean, I just want people to see too, that when we do an experiment like it's not planned out in advance, we don't know, what we're going to talk about here, and it's an organic conversation that leads us to what we're going to work on. But whatever it is that comes up for you after we share, it's going to be a big thing for you, okay, because the universe is going to give it to you and that doesn't mean that your nervous system is going to be ready to do it.

Speaker 3: 53:24

Yeah, you know, that's funny, you bring that up and you could cut this part out. But I'm doing as a result of this work, I'm scheduling things, I'm having people over, we're going out to dinner. I just got us reservations to an Oscar party at a theater. Oh fine, fine, fine's like what?

Speaker 1: 53:49

Why do I have to cut this out?

Speaker 3: 53:51

Well, no, but what I'm saying is I'm doing all these things and now I lost my train of thought.

Speaker 1: 53:57

Yeah, but this is perfect. I'm glad you brought this up because I want to talk about the community and the work and the course. Yeah. Because it is changing your life on a regular basis. You're way more proactive about socializing and doing fun things. Now.

Speaker 3: 54:10

Oh yeah, I am. Yeah, like the other day I saw Earth, Wind, and Fire in Chicago. Or come in the week of my birthday, I'm like oh that would be fun.

Speaker 3: 54:23

And then that has happened so many times in life and I'm just like but I bought six tickets and then invited people and now we're going. So that might not sound like a big deal, but those are. Those are things that I haven't been doing or well, ever did really but I know what I was bringing up. Sometimes, after I do all this, I get a little anxious, like, oh, I need to slow down.

Speaker 1: 55:00

Well, that's your nervous.

Speaker 3: 55:01

I know that's why I commented on it, because every once in a while, those, those words come to my brain and I was like, oh, your nervous system is having a hard time dealing with all this stuff you're saying now.

Speaker 1: 55:17

Well, so that's good, because you have to find balance, for sure. But when you're in human design, you're a projector, aren't you?

Speaker 3: 55:23

Yes.

Speaker 1: 55:24

Well, that's it. We need rest, so we can't go too much, like last week I had different social things and I was like, oh my God, this is exhausting. But I'm like, ok, I could do this for a week. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 55:38

And I just rest. I'll rest next week and then I'll get like caught up. But like the directors in human design need more rest, and human design is so fun that I wish everybody would get their chart and I did an episode on that so people can look at it. It's with Taylor Vera and she explains it, and then Kathy Pashonko came on and talked about intuitive human design. So those are two episodes that you can check out if you want.

Speaker 1: 56:05

OK, those knowing my human design is how I make all my decisions. It's literally how I trust myself to make decisions, and then it's super easy for me because I listen to my body yeah, hard, and I know how to make them. But so maybe we have a little bit of time left. Maybe you can talk a little bit, because I mean, I'm not going to pretend like my community is huge. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 56:28

The Rainbues community. There's like 13 of us in there, and so I'm wondering like and I want you to be honest, like what you like about it and what you kind of don't like about it.

Speaker 3: 56:41

There's really nothing. I guess it's not that I don't like about it, it's Well. First of all, I like the fellowship. Coming from AA For years, it was just nice to be in a room to hear people talking authentically about stuff, you know, not their job, not their money, not their boss, just their feelings. And I need that every once in a while. And you know the old saying you spot it, you got it. Listening to other people, you know I'm kind of like oh yeah, I know that feeling. Or or you know, it's so clear to me about what so and so should be doing. But they're struggling, you know. So I like that. I've never gotten off of a call and felt bad. I usually feel a little refreshed after sitting on a Zoom call.

Speaker 1: 57:55

Yeah, I have had people that did feel bad getting off the call, but it was usually because they were judging themselves for how they behaved on the call. So it's really and yeah, and that's what I love about the container, the brain, be asked, because you can just practice being authentic and real, because it's hard to do it.

Speaker 1: 58:17

Yeah real world like. It takes practice to get comfortable being who you really are and finding the voice and being willing to be heard and seen and recognized, for you know what you have to offer, so it's a great place to do that. And also, would you say, didn't I tell you that if we do this episode and there's anything that makes you uncomfortable, I just won't publish it?

Speaker 3: 58:40

Right, yeah, and so I think the struggle is I like the fact that you had you had changed the format to having a topic. I think that was. That was kind of good, it was more guided. But I got to be honest, I think it's just a tough thing to do. You know, I don't I don't have any answers. I know, personally, I have enjoyed it. I think it's it's touching to see somebody you know struggling with something that's such a big deal to them and you just want to give them a hug and say this really isn't a big deal, you're going to be OK. So hopefully the call, even though we're not in person, helps people do that, because everyone's got their stuff, everyone's got their issues, everyone's got their. You know, whatever you want to call them secrets, you know the flaws they're trying to hide from the right.

Speaker 3: 59:56

Yeah, the flaws you're trying to hide, yeah, and that I think the community helps with. I don't have an exact recommended timeline, like at one point we were talking once a week and that kind of felt like Too much coming too quick. Yeah, every other week it seems to be pretty good.

Speaker 1: 1:00:23

I'm thinking about cohorts down the line, but what I'm really going to do is I'm going to Santa Barbara community. I just started talking to some women today who are? Interested in promoting the same thing as me. So, we're trying to start things in the community and do it in person. So I'm going to try things in real life and bring those people to the online community so that, no matter where you are, you can feel connected to other people, because I think Right.

Speaker 1: 1:00:52

Like a major. It makes me so sad because I was so lonely when I was younger, when all my friends got married and I was in my 30s and I wasn't in a relationship, so I've experienced like really, really feeling lonely. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:01:08

Well, I and it's. It's avoidable. It's something that if you teach people and you don't avoid loneliness just by being in a room full of people, oh, no. You avoid it with emotional intelligence and self awareness and connecting with your heart, because when you just on that, you can't be connected to other people and that's why you feel lonely.

Speaker 3: 1:01:28

Right, and it just reading statistics. There's a lot of lonely people out there. I know which is amazing when you think we now have the ability to connect with anybody anywhere, at any time, and everyone's lonely.

Speaker 1: 1:01:47

Yeah, it's like, that's where it's really. This is all taking me towards leadership. And.

Speaker 1: 1:01:53

I'm just like you know what the thumbs up went up on the emoji. I know that's like a sign from the universe, but it takes me to the leadership thing and thinking. You know what? I've been doing this work for three years. I mostly have the balls to do it. There's times where I don't get nervous and anxious and I want to run away and hide, but I'm just going to go for it. Yeah, we need something different, just like you need to do something different with this upcoming election.

Speaker 1: 1:02:24

We need at a local, collective, global level. Need to start doing things differently. Yeah to improve things. So I'm just like you know, I'm 60. I got the time, I've got the resources, I'm meeting all kinds of people. This work has changed my life in amazing ways, so I'm just going to keep doing it. We'll see where it goes, but I'm so like that you like started doing this work because I was wanting you to. Yeah it's like waiting for you and holding space for you to get inspired to do it.

Speaker 1: 1:02:58

And it's just so awesome to see how much it's helped you.

Speaker 3: 1:03:02

It has. It has helped and yeah, it's like everything else. You know, it's just like getting clean and sober you don't get clean and sober and then you're done. I mean, this will be an ongoing process.

Speaker 1: 1:03:19

Yes, it's a practice.

Speaker 3: 1:03:21

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:03:22

Yeah, all right. Was there anything else that you wanted to share before we wrap it up?

Speaker 3: 1:03:28

Um, no, um other than I'm proud of what you're doing. You can cut that out or not, but um, why would I cut that out? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 1:03:38

No, I appreciate it, thank you All right, you're welcome.

Speaker 1: 1:03:42

All right, audience. I know you learned something valuable here today. I'll see you next episode. So I just want to come in now because I uh you'll notice that from what I said at the beginning of the episode to the end, that things have changed. I'm not really trying to promote an online community anymore. I still have the community that goes with the course, so you can join that and ask questions and I'm happy to go on a call If anybody wants to. I love to.

Speaker 1: 1:04:10

I love to talk about the course and anything in it, so that's definitely something that can be requested, but I'm not initiating those calls anymore and I'm really, as I said, going in the direction of doing stuff locally in Santa Barbara and showing people, being an example of what's possible when you have a positive ripple effect on the people around you and all the other things that can be created because you are in that leadership energy and that high frequency. So now I can say I hope you learned something valuable here today. I'll see you next episode. Hope you enjoyed the podcast today as much as I enjoyed creating it for you. If you're inspired, I appreciate a five star review and sharing podcasts with anyone you know so that I can have a bigger ripple effect on people around me and you can too. If you want to learn more about me, you can go to wwwbrainbscom and you can schedule a connection call with me or sign up to be a part of a brain BS experiment. See you next episode.