In this episode I begin by giving you updates from Brain BS Land and then we dive into the Chris Experiment. I met Chris at my friend Denise's house here in Santa Barbara. We started talking about Pickleball and how she wanted to try it. I suggested she should come on the podcast and we do an experiment around tapping into the courage that is required to try something new.
Well instead of signing up for Pickle, she opted for tennis which was more familiar to her and despite that, it was a super uncomfortable experience for her. Why? Because loads of Brain BS came up that I am sure you will be able to relate to as well.
If you have been itching to try Pickleball or anything else that is new, this episode will help you to understand how your brain is going to react to that and how you can manage it consciously and prepare in advance so that you are more likely to experience success.
Listen to the end to hear how Chris deals with the challenge I gave her in the episode and to hear my special offer around Pickleball for the locals in Santa Barbara and surrounding area.
Click on the platform of your choice to follow the podcast and write a review so we can spread the news and reach more people!
Apple Podcasts
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-brain-bs-podcast-learning-to-live-consciously/id1548758744?i=1000643769866
Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/4RWxW7Ni1EHTAywriOwY9z?si=d9c181834529414d
Google Podcasts
https://podcasts.google.com/search/The%20Brain%20BS%20Podcast
I Heart Radio
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-the-brain-bs-podcast-learn-76710324/
Pandora
https://www.pandora.com/podcast/the-brain-bs-podcast-learning-to-live-consciously/PC:60845
If you want to get in touch with me
https://www.thebrainbs.com/
Trying new things does require some courage but not as much as you might think if you learn how to manage your mind consciously.
I also want to offer that as we get older, we don't have time to lollygag and put things off indefinitely anymore. Our time here is limited and I highly suggest Pickleball be a part of it! LOL
In this episode I begin by giving you updates from Brain BS Land and then we dive into the Chris Experiment. I met Chris at my friend Denise's house here in Santa Barbara. We started talking about Pickleball and how she wanted to try it. I suggested she should come on the podcast and we do an experiment around tapping into the courage that is required to try something new.
Well instead of signing up for Pickle, she opted for tennis which was more familiar to her and despite that, it was a super uncomfortable experience for her. Why? Because loads of Brain BS came up that I am sure you will be able to relate to as well.
If you have been itching to try Pickleball or anything else that is new, this episode will help you to understand how your brain is going to react to that and how you can manage it consciously and prepare in advance so that you are more likely to experience success.
Listen to the end to hear how Chris deals with the challenge I gave her in the episode and to hear my special offer around Pickleball for the locals in Santa Barbara and surrounding area.
Click on the platform of your choice to follow the podcast and write a review so we can spread the news and reach more people!
Apple Podcasts
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-brain-bs-podcast-learning-to-live-consciously/id1548758744?i=1000643769866
Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/4RWxW7Ni1EHTAywriOwY9z?si=d9c181834529414d
Google Podcasts
https://podcasts.google.com/search/The%20Brain%20BS%20Podcast
I Heart Radio
https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-the-brain-bs-podcast-learn-76710324/
Pandora
https://www.pandora.com/podcast/the-brain-bs-podcast-learning-to-live-consciously/PC:60845
If you want to get in touch with me
https://www.thebrainbs.com/
Trying new things does require some courage but not as much as you might think if you learn how to manage your mind consciously.
I also want to offer that as we get older, we don't have time to lollygag and put things off indefinitely anymore. Our time here is limited and I highly suggest Pickleball be a part of it! LOL
This is Maureen Kafkas, the BrainBS co-chair, to tell you about the episode today. But before I get to that, I want to remind you that the BrainBS podcast is here to offer you a psycho-spiritual approach to life that will inspire you to live consciously and make your overall health a priority. While it can enhance your quality of life dramatically, it is not meant to be a replacement for a needed intervention. So if you are struggling with your physical, emotional or mental well-being, please seek the professional support that you need. Before we dive into what the episode is about today, I just want to give you a few exciting updates that are going on here in Santa Barbara. I am changing the name of the podcast, which is huge for me to do, because brain BS is something that came to me early on. It really resonated with me because it is all about the subconscious and unconscious programming, but it kind of gave me a term that works for me because I'm not really that spiritual. I'm more practical, or spirit practical, I like to say, but I'm really attached to the term and I have a trademark for it. So it's not going anywhere. I'm still going to call myself the brain BS mentor or the brain BS expert, whatever it's still going to be there and living consciously as at the core of who I am, and I will always be living consciously or working towards that and inspiring other people to do that. But the podcast now is going to be more about how I can inspire other people to live consciously and collaborate with one another in a community to take that community to another level. I'm super excited about it. The name of the new podcast is going to be Networking in Santa Barbara the Power of a Collaborative Community. I will be bringing in residents of Santa Barbara, business owners, people who have something to offer, people who want to share their experiences, and bringing them on the podcast to interview them. I will be figuring out ways as we go to bring what Santa Barbarans need the most in the actual community. But all of this is also going to extend to people outside the community, because you're going to see the benefits of collaboration and community and I'm hoping that I'm inspiring you to live consciously and that you will learn how to bring collaboration to your own community by listening to this podcast, because that's what I'm hoping for a ripple effect that impacts more people and has a farther reach than what I've imagined to this point Now.
Speaker 1:I just want to tell you that I have been hearing from business coaches. All the courses I've taken, all the things I've learned I've been told to niche down a million times, and I just wasn't ready for it yet. Well, I'm ready for it now, because I am in the community of my dreams. I'm in a community that's so ripe for collaboration and wanting to support one another. It feels like I hit the lottery. So now is the time.
Speaker 1:So you will see a change in the podcast. This is going to take place over time, because once I change the name, I have to change the podcast art, so be patient with me. Over here. There's a lot of things going on, a lot of changes that I'm making, and anybody who's an entrepreneur knows exactly what I'm talking about. Now.
Speaker 1:There was a time in my life where I would have thought that I'm looking flaky. People are going to think I'm crazy. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Not doing that, because this podcast is about service, it's about taking care of other people and it is not about me. And that is what. As an entrepreneur, I want to give you the best piece of advice that I've learned so far it's never about you. As soon as we start making it about us, that's when we falter, that's when we have problems, that's when we get into our head. So I am back to service in the Santa Barbara community. I'm going to meet amazing people. I'm going to share them here with you. We're going to figure out how to collaborate with one another. I'm going to support community members in person, at workshops, at events. I'm going to help promote them. I am going to hold people's hands and support them and we are going to have so much fun collaborating in Santa Barbara. But that's enough updates for the day.
Speaker 1:So let's dive into what the podcast is about today, and that is the Chris experiment. So I met Chris Gere at a friend's home in Santa Barbara. We were watching the college football playoff game and we started talking. And we started talking about pickleball and how much fun it is and she wanted to start playing. But she was a little bit nervous and they were going to Arizona for the winner, for her first snowbird experience and being in a different culture than the one that she is normally in, and she was just like a little apprehensive about it and thought it would be cool to do a brain BS experiment with me around this. So we ended up talking a little while ago and then we hopped on and we recorded what you're about to listen to and it was so fun and so much brain BS came up around her trying to do something new and different that was outside her comfort zone. But, oh my gosh, it paid off and it's so beneficial when you do that, because you create momentum in your life and you open yourself up to possibilities that would not otherwise be there, and those possibilities don't show up unless you make the choice to actually try to bring them into your life.
Speaker 1:So this episode is all about the brain BS around how we think we have to be like everybody else, how standing out is somehow bad, how, trying to do new things, we tap into the past, we look at what we've already been able to do and we think that has something to do new things. We tap into the past. We we look at what we've already been able to do and we think that has something to do with what we're able to create in the future, which is total brain bs, because we can always recreate anything new whenever we want. So now we're about ready to get started here, but I just want to suggest that you stay to the end of the podcast so you can hear about how Chris handles the challenge I give her during the episode and to hear the offer that I am presenting to you and for local Santa Barbara rooms around pickleball. All right, sit back, settle in.
Speaker 1:Here we go with the Chris experiment. Do you want more out of your life, but not exactly sure what that might be? Are you longing for something but can't but not exactly sure what that might be? Are you longing for something but can't quite put your finger on what it is? That is the universe speaking to you, and it is time to listen up. I'm your host, maureen Kafkas, the BrainBS coach. I created the BrainBS podcast to help people define what success means to them and show them how to get it. I help you to let go of fear and doubt and prepare your nervous system for success. I show you how to understand your own energy and to trust yourself to make all the decisions. If you are ready to go inward and stop looking outside yourself for all the answers, this is the podcast for you. Now let's get started.
Speaker 1:Hello, and welcome back to the BrainBS podcast. We have another experiment for you today. Today I have a new friend, chris Gere, here and I met Chris at our neighbor's house, denise and Kim's. She was in town around the holidays and we watched the football playoff together and she was getting ready to go on a trip and was wanting to play pickleball with other people but was a little bit nervous about getting started with it. So that's kind of like when I said, oh, you should come on the podcast and do a brain BS experiment, and that was in January, so we've had one call since then to kind of talk about it, but that's it. So we're just going to experiment with how, where we started with that conversation and where she is now, and see how this work is helping her or hindering her. So, um, chris, welcome to the podcast. Um, do you want to just introduce yourself and let the audience know whatever you want them to know about you, if there is anything?
Speaker 2:Uh well, I'm Chris Gare. I'm 58, married for 21 years, two dogs I'm currently trying to do the snowboarding while I'm working my husband's retired and kind of start being a little more active. We've been very stationary and trying to be a lot more involved in our community and, um incorporate more exercise into our daily lives because, um, the weight is just going on, it keeps packing on.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, it can be an incentive. Huh, what about the audience? What you do for work? Because I think it's it's sort of a male-dominated industry, right, and you're yeah, I'm a construction project manager.
Speaker 2:Um I build buildings, um I work with architects and design and development all the way through construction and occupancy yeah, and how is?
Speaker 1:how is there? Is there anything as a woman that you felt like was a big struggle, or have you been doing this long enough and feel confident enough that it's?
Speaker 2:you don't even well, I've been doing it for over 30 years now. Yeah, when it first started it was definitely an eye opener and I was lucky I grew up in a household with lots of, very, lots of testosterone and so I was able to stand up for myself. I mean, I, I remember going into one we were just talking about this, my husband and I but I remember going into a meeting first day at work and and I was a project manager and I was new and I walk in and the superintendent and one of the vendors or subcontractors were almost going to blows. And I walk in and it's my meeting and I'm asking them to sit down and kind of calm down and the guy just my co-worker, the superintendent looks at me and just says tells me to sit there and look pretty. And I my mouth dropped and then I went wait a minute.
Speaker 2:Then I asked him calmly if he wanted to see ugly, because those were fighting words, oh good for you they kind of um broke the ice and everybody realized that I wasn't much of a pushover at that point and um earned their respect, but it definitely. You didn't go into a room with respect. You always had to earn it, so it's a little different working in this industry.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure, okay, well, that could be a whole episode in itself and maybe we'll do one on that. But so we were talking about pickleball and then when we got on our call together, you had actually decided to take a with it. I don't know if it was a tennis lesson or drill, it was tennis. And you started talking to me about it and I was like, oh, my god, don't tell me anything else. We have to wait until the podcast because there's so much brain bs here and that will benefit um other women and men, but I think particularly women. So why don't you tell us, like, the tennis experience that you had when it first?
Speaker 2:started back in high school. I was actually a pretty good tennis player and so I feel a lot more confident playing tennis than I was pickleball, because pickleball was totally new. So where we are in the RV park we're right next to the East tennis courts and where a lot of beginner lessons are. So first day here I ran into somebody from Washington and her husband was one of the tennis coaches and he, she, said, sign up, sign up, sign up. So I signed up and I show up the first day for my tennis lesson. Mind you, it's the last time I went but oh, is it okay?
Speaker 1:but wait one second before we do that. Let's just clarify too, that this is Arizona where we're talking about which is quite a different culture from where you're from in Washington.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely would you agree, right like, oh yeah, I thought about that after so okay.
Speaker 1:So here you are in sunny Arizona, and you go to this tennis lesson, and then what happened?
Speaker 2:I show up and there I mean there's so many new beginners and there are women from the age of 60 up, but they're all dressed with the perfect tennis outfits. They had the visor, they had the skirts perfect tennis outfits. They had the visor, they had the skirts, they had new tennis shoes, they had new tennis rackets. And I showed up in blue jeans and a sweatshirt and, um, I just felt really it was really awkward. It was just really awkward and I was. I found myself being a little bit, um, uh, kind of almost embarrassed. I was embarrassed Like, oh my gosh, I should have put more time and effort into this when I just show up.
Speaker 1:I showed up in comfortable clothes to learn how to play tennis again and, yeah, well, let's stop there, for let's stop there for a second, because that embarrassment too, like and you tell me if this is accurate or not and none of this. This is subconscious and unconscious programming, so it doesn't make sense. It's just triggers from other periods in our life, but often with that embarrassment comes like a sense of shame. Yeah, like there's something wrong with me that I would show up here in my jean shorts and sweatshirt when all these other people like whenever we're different than other people, we think there's something wrong with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah. And that's not that's, you know, and it's interesting because I'm like, I have a sister that's 11 months younger, younger than me, with cerebral palsy, and she would not even think about it twice, but yet I would, you know, and I did, and so it's. It's just interesting how it is, brain bs.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you back to the past where there's a situation where you show, well, I mean, look at what you do for a living, you're different than everyone else. So you've accepted that and you've dealt with all that. But there could still be trauma from when you first started doing all that, or even it could be high school, it could be grade school, whatever. Those emotions get trapped in our body. That's what our subconscious and unconscious programming is.
Speaker 1:So the more aware we become and start looking at this stuff, the more we can kind of process through it and reprogram it so that those situations the next time you get triggered, you'll know immediately what it is and be like oh, this is just brain bs. I don't have to buy into this, this is my brain. Your brain's always going to offer you whatever it is that's going to keep you small, safe and hidden. So your brain was like let's get the hell out of here, we're not like them. And then you're going to kind of like. You could go two ways. You could go into inferiority, where you don't think you're good enough, or you get into superiority mode and you start criticizing them because they were all dressed and got which, by the way, I have all the tennis gear and I love it.
Speaker 2:I love my tennis clothes or pickleball clothes, um so my girl, my best friend, she goes, you just dress the, dress the part. If you're not good at playing tennis, you at least look good playing tennis.
Speaker 1:And I'm like well, or you, if you don't, yeah, and you like, if you want to wear jeans and a sweatshirt, do it like. Only I know, and it doesn't matter how anyone else says me, I love, um, I love the outfits, I love playing, I love I got a new bag, I love it, yeah. But so when we get into, when we get triggered, in those moments we could go to what Terrence Rowe calls a grandiose superior attitude about everyone else. Or and usually we do both we feel inferior and then we're superior than inferior. So tell us a little bit about, like, how you dealt with it when you got there.
Speaker 2:Well, at first I was just kind of I stood back and I was just, um, I was, um, looking at everybody in the face and introducing myself and you know, trying, um, just introducing myself. And then, um, we were doing, um, you know, the exercises and, um, everybody was just, I mean, I could tell everybody was just so nervous and checking everybody else out and being, you know, kind of shying away and oh, I'm not going to hit the ball, you know, or they hit the ball and they'd be, they'd miss, or something. So I decided, I don't know I, so I decided to be the cheerleader and so I was the loudest one and every time somebody would hit the ball, even if it went out or whatever, I would, yay, you know, and you know, cheer them on and kind of get everybody moving and smiling and engaging. And smiling and engaging, where before they were standing there with their tennis racket down to their side waiting for their turn and hitting the ball and fidgeting with their skirt, or you know, feeling uncomfortable, just like I was Right.
Speaker 1:Right, but they were dressed apart, baby Didn't matter.
Speaker 2:Oh, they were so good. Yeah, they look so good.
Speaker 1:I look like I rolled out of bed.
Speaker 2:I look like what I look like right now.
Speaker 1:I've got pickleball hair right now, yeah, so I go on here all the time on Zoom with pickleball clothes and no makeup or whatever, and I don't wear makeup when I go to pickleball, but I always have a cute outfit on, yeah, okay, so let's talk a little bit about that, because you said I decided to be the cheerleader, so it almost sounds like you decided to be that, but that also sounds a little bit like your subconscious and unconscious programming that when you get in a situation like this and you you said you have a younger sister who has cerebral palsy, so it's like the older sister role where you start taking oh, totally.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So how much do you think was conscious you doing that and how much was just who you are?
Speaker 2:Very conscious, I was very aware, and uncomfortable, but I'd rather be uncomfortable and in charge than uncomfortable and not in charge.
Speaker 1:So that made you feel like you had control of the situation.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, totally yeah, I was in control, yeah, because I was the one having fun and people then they were. They were more drawn to me because I was laughing, you know, I was having a good time and I was cheering them on and they were feeling a lot more confident. And, um, you know, I wasn't that person standing up against the fence waiting for somebody to throw or hit the ball to me where these women you're like.
Speaker 1:I'll show you. You might look cute, but I'm the leader in this group. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I guess. But I just I would rather I've it made it made it a lot more, a much more fun experience for me then.
Speaker 1:But I can tell you that once it was all done, I couldn't wait to get out of there well, I want to talk about that a little bit, because you said that you didn't go back there, so that was my work, so I haven't been able to oh, okay, okay, yeah it's not that I didn't want to, it's just I haven't been able to.
Speaker 2:And now they? They've probably had a dozen lessons and I'm way beyond that.
Speaker 1:No, I, I'd have to start from day one well, okay, wait, a little bit of brain bs right there, because you played in high school and you were really good, yeah, so if you wanted to, you could go back in there, but so why so? All right, so, as you're cheering everyone on and you're getting more comfortable and you feel like you're like more like yourself in that environment, what happened at the end that made you want to get the hell out of there, like, can you recall?
Speaker 2:Well, it seemed like that the women already had relationships and so they were pretty clicky and I wasn't a part of that click. You know, I wasn't, I would. I was by myself and dressed like I. I belong in seattle, not in arizona, I guess. Oh yeah because, seattle's a lot more cash than and we. You could show up to play tennis in your jean shorts and tennis shoes and be fine.
Speaker 1:Um, I guess it's totally different huh, it's a totally different vibe there than oh, totally yeah, a lot more granola, I guess it is and it just like it, and it rains a lot and it's like it's just a totally different. People don't go there like the, the snowbirds do. No arizona, right, because no snowbird wants to go where it's raining all the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah so it's just a totally different. Okay, but I even before you said that, so that's tapping into something where that that's what I call primary subconscious brain filters. Did you get to that part in the course yet?
Speaker 2:no, I haven't. I actually haven't gotten that far. I have to.
Speaker 1:I'm yeah, I've been, like I said, I've been doing a lot of traveling for work, so I've um, oh, yeah, no, no, no worries that you didn't get to it yet, because it's a life for life, but it's uh. We have these lenses of how we look at life and we get them from situations we get get conditioned by our parents, by society, by friends in grade school, high school. All these experiences that we have create the way that we look at life. It's our filter for how we perceive it, and everybody has their own filter, which is why everybody can look at the same thing and have a totally different opinion of what they're seeing. Because you can't be objective. We're literally not capable of being objective. So it sounds like you have a filter of I don't belong here, yeah, or I'm an outsider, yeah, so can you? Can you think of a time in your life?
Speaker 2:when there's a couple reasons, um, I think it's one. Um, I'm not the most athletic, you know, I am older, but um, in this environment here in arizona I'm the young one, because everybody's like 65 or older and I'm only 58 and still working, um, so I mean, I already feel like an outsider, like that. Yeah, just because of age.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you think the demographics and what you do for a living and all that determines whether you're you. You don't think it's an internal thing inside you. With your like, I mean cause, connections come from within us. They don't come from anything that we do. It's who we're being in the moment.
Speaker 2:So if you were open to the possibility, yeah, well, I'm finding that that is brain bs. Yeah, that it's not um reality. Um, I've, since I've been back um, my husband and I've been playing pickleball every day and we've met two couples and um, so we're we're playing every day with them and we're meeting new people, and we're a lot more involved in meeting other people.
Speaker 1:Like tomorrow, we there's a um a potluck basically for women, or women for um people from Washington, so we'll meet some people that are from our area, like-minded people that are down here just chasing the sun, you know yeah, so okay, because when I talked to you I think I remember this correctly when I saw you at the holidays um, you're, I think you were trying to figure out how to start pickleball on your own, because he wasn't really into it. Is that accurate, or well, he has a bad knee.
Speaker 2:And so he can't run. But I think that while I was gone he was talking to my I have a girlfriend and her husband. He went to dinner with them and they're big pickleballers and they, I think, talked him into it saying, hey, you know, you can play pickleball and you don't have to run the course, you know, and it's actually really good exercise, and so he's been a lot more open to it. We just have to make I mean, we can't throw the ball or hit the ball way out, because then he'll, he could hurt himself, you know oh no, you still have to hit it.
Speaker 1:So you get the point on him. He has to practice restraint and I played pickleball with people who can't even move and they just go side to side and yeah, that's what he's doing. Yeah, you don't have to that. That's what's so awesome about pickleball, aside from, I mean, the obvious is the social aspect. I mean, have you ever seen anything like it in tennis? No, no no nothing, it's not.
Speaker 1:that's like why I get so excited and passionate about it and try to get people to play, cause it actually opens up a whole new world.
Speaker 2:Totally. Yep, I agree, yeah, I agree, I was having so much fun. So yesterday it was interesting. So we met this couple that was they were from California and she was here to see her sister just for a couple of days and she had arthritis in her feet and she showed up with her pickleball and she came to we play and I'm like, yeah, of course you know great. And so she had these sandals on that were that. They're kind of like a Birkenstock, they, I mean it has a good soul, but they're not covering her toes and you can see that her toes are arthritic. And she says I can't wear tennis shoes. And I said, oh, you know, um, I'm sorry, you know, and um, but we played and we were all four of us were about the same, and so it was really fun.
Speaker 2:And all of a sudden our pickleball instructor shows up and just by chance cause we were on the public course, we weren't on the private court, goes, you can't be playing pickleball, you don't have tennis shoes, tennis shoes, you need tennis shoes and started yelling at her to get off the courts and embarrassing her. And so I walked out and I said Steve, I said she has arthritis and she can't wear tennis shoes, he goes, then she can't play pickleball and he was just the biggest jerk and I'm like, oh my God, she was almost in tears and so she went and sat on the bleachers and the three of us kept playing and then this woman, donna, shows up and was started talking to her because I think she felt sorry for her. And then Donna got on the court and started playing with us, and then this morning Donna and her husband played with Greg and I. So because of that circumstance, I met another couple because of it, but unfortunately this woman, um was embarrassed and um, this instructor should should have apologized for it, because the way he treated her was horrible yeah, wow, he sounds like a real jerk.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's people and I was actually signed up for his next class and I went and took us off his class because I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna hang with people like that yeah, well, I mean, some people are super, super into following the rules and there is, yeah, for the tenant for the pickleball court, what kind of shoes.
Speaker 1:We've gone places where we're not even allowed to play unless we wear the shoes that they have, like when we go on vacation or something. Yeah, so I just I just point that out because there could, like it's we're making it mean, like he's trying to be mean to her and he's a jerk and all this stuff he was so loud and obnoxious that everybody, god and everybody heard him.
Speaker 2:I feel like he could have said ma'am, can you come here a sec and talk to her privately? Oh for sure, I'm not. I'm not saying, yeah, I handled it differently.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying it's not an all or nothing thing. Because he did that doesn't make him a horrible human being a hundred percent, yeah. So I mean because we do stuff too, yeah, and if we can understand that. And also, I think what's really cool about this is that you went to, you went to tennis and you had your jeans and shorts on and then she comes in to pickleball and she has her sandals on and that's not like anyone else and that is not right. But that didn't make you think, oh my god, she's a loser, like why is she wearing birkins?
Speaker 2:right not at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you did that with yourself, uh-huh, when you weren't dressed like everybody else. So I mean, yeah, it's kind of if we can look at ourselves like other people, yeah, and pay attention to how we treat ourselves in situations when we don't. It's easy to be nice to ourselves when we feel good about ourselves Because we love the way we showed up in the choices that we made, but when we don't, that's but that's. The challenge is not to stop being an idiot at times, because we all are. The challenge is to love ourself and have compassion for ourself when we do it and then get back at trying not to be a jerk. Yeah, you know. So I wish I. Yeah, send that guy my way for a brain bs experiment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, you know, we we had a first lesson with him and he was so much fun he was, and you don't know what he was going through. He could have had a fight with his wife, or that's what I'm trying, or you know where he normally wouldn't act like that. So I tried to think of it like that.
Speaker 1:But I felt sorry for my new friend because her feelings were really hurt and she was embarrassed yeah, so all right, so I have an idea, but I just want to see what you think about it. Okay, because you have this leadership energy, uh-huh, yeah, and I love leadership energy and that's what that's like, what my course and community is about. It's like getting people to tap into their personal power and their leadership energy to make a difference in the community. So there's a part of you, your unconscious self, that got triggered by this guy. So your response was or not response? A response is like a thoughtful, considerate thing. It's more. A reaction is to just cut him off, shut him down.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, and that's what I do I am notorious all in relationships over. If he was a friend of mine, I'd probably end the relationship. I just be done.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, so I'm getting. So that would be. That would not be coming from an empowered place. It might seem like it because you're tapping into anger and it feels like you're controlling the situation by cutting it off. But what if you did do a lesson with him and you talked to him about how he talked to her and you were actually considering not coming back because you felt so bad for her and were upset. But you, just you. You wanted to come back because you felt so bad for her and were upset. But you, just you. You wanted to come back because you really enjoyed the first session and you thought maybe there was a reason why he reacted that way that day. Yeah, you give him something to think about and I probably, if he's a good person and that was just a reaction that he had he's going to be way more aware the next time he starts to get like that. What do you think about that idea?
Speaker 2:I mean it couldn't hurt. The worst that would happen is he would get mad at me and make a scene.
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't think he would do. Well, it depends on the energy you go in there with yeah, I mean you won't go in there pointing my finger.
Speaker 2:Hey, mister, yeah, you, yeah, I mean you won't go in there pointing my finger, hey, mister. Yeah, you know you're lucky, I'm here, yeah you're so lucky, I'm here but.
Speaker 1:But let me educate you well, yes, well, I mean kind of that's what you're doing, but but it's from a it's from a loving and compassionate place that you would want to do it if you can, and I this is an experiment, so I'm just throwing this out there. It doesn't mean that you have to do it, but it's like if we could tap in, if we could not go with our unconscious self and our reactions, because that's like you're expecting perfection from people when you cut them off, when they do something that's wrong, that you don't like, and that's a very all or nothing punitive way to approach a relationship.
Speaker 1:I mean yeah and it tells me that you do that to yourself too. I do, yeah, because you wouldn't do it to other people if you weren't doing it to yourself. So can you open up to the possibility of becoming, like, more aware when you get triggered?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, I'm trying to be more self-aware definitely yeah, so, um, yeah, so think about it, because I think so. It like like if you go into a room and it's totally dark and you turn on a light, there's no way it can be dark anymore. It's just not possible. Like that's the analogy of you bring lightness to him on this subject instead of the way he acted yesterday and and it could be that he is, I mean, but you said you had a lot of fun with him the first time, but he was great.
Speaker 2:He was great. He was very, very, very sweet, charming, great instructor um great sense of humor. Just aside, that I had never. I mean I just met him, though. I mean I that was only a few days earlier.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it sounds like he got triggered by somebody totally the rules which could have grown up in a family with a dad who I say this because I grew up in a family with the dad who had a lot of rules and he needed to be a rule follower and this is the first time in my life that I'm not following rules and I thought that following the rules was the right thing to do. I have to work really hard to say rules, because my husband makes fun of the way I say things all the time, because I might say rules, but I know it's not rules, it's rules, um, but so it's like then it feels threatening not to not to follow them and then try to get everybody else to follow them, because it keeps us safe and it keeps us.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. So what do you think you would try it yeah no, I would.
Speaker 2:I would love to hear what happens and yeah, so in that moment, um I I did take us off his the next um lesson, but the lesson um he's right next to us, so if maybe I'll just um come to him, I don't feel like I need his lesson at this point because I've been playing pickleball every day since yeah, and it's definitely a beginner.
Speaker 2:And when I um, when I was playing, he told me he says you really don't need the beginning classes and I said, well, I just want to remember how to keep score, I get. Why do we start with two again?
Speaker 1:um, you know um gorgeous comes with practice, the more you yeah, no and I feel like we've got it now but, if I stop, I'll forget, you know.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, that's your brain, yeah, yeah yeah, it'll come back, I promise you.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so, but that's the other thing, right, that I see all these people taking all these lessons for pickleball and they'll keep taking them and taking them, taking them, and I'm just like, just play like you don't need to have somebody. Like at first, to get like we took one. And then the second time that we started to take one, I kept like the guy kept stopping us to tell us stuff and I'm like, all right, he's like I'm so you're paying me for a lesson. You have to stop. And let me tell you what it is I'm like. And then I was like I don't want lessons, like, first of all, I don't care that much, I don't have to be the best person. I mean, I like to win, don't get me wrong, but it's not like I'm going to start it is. It's fun, it's not like a huge priority in my life how good I am at pickleball, but it does become like a lot of people can get really intense about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's super competitive oh yeah, no, they're, and that's, and I do find myself. If people get that serious about something, then it'll just suck the fun right out of it, because I don't take myself that seriously.
Speaker 1:I really don't yeah, and tennis, tennis can be like that, like a tennis, just oh't have the same vibe. But you brought up something else too, and I think it's interesting because I've been at Pickle, so where we play in Santa Barbara, it's all open play, so you could go there with four people, but if two people want to come up and challenge you, you have to let them. Even if there's one person, you have to try to let them in to play. Yeah, so it's funny to see the different ways that people uh react to that, because you really get a window into, like. I've played with people who started lying about what the score was and made the score lower so that the person would get tired of waiting and go somewhere else.
Speaker 1:Oh that's too bad I've played with people who've gotten just mad and annoyed. There's times where I've gotten mad and annoyed initially that people are coming up, but then I remind myself of what it would be like if I was by myself. It's not okay. So, audience, if you're hearing noises there, that's christy's husband doing the work right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's breathing heavy. Did you find what you needed, honey? No, I got put away somewhere. What are you looking for? Clip to my watch, the charger from my watch, the one that pinches on here, and it was right here with my watch until they got cleaned up. Okay, well, we'll continue. He's looking for something got put away.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. So anyway, the open play. When some people love the open play cause you get to meet people and make friends and it's fun to, it's good for your game to play with other people. But some people just won't even go to open play Cause they absolutely don't game to play with other people. But some people just won't even go to open play because they absolutely don't want to play with other people, because they think they're afraid of looking stupid or like they're not good enough yeah, I haven't played, done that yet.
Speaker 2:Um, they call it round robin here, um, but you have to sign up for round robin and I see that there's no openings. That's totally full, um, when you go on to the website.
Speaker 1:So oh okay, all right. Yeah, I've heard around robin in tennis, but if here it's just open play and pickleball they don't call it that all right. So are you? Are you glad then that you decided? Because you were. You were definitely when we were talking in Santa Barbara, you were definitely ready to start making some changes and do something. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Pickleball is a huge way to gain momentum with um becoming more social yeah, I think so too yeah, is it having a ripple effect on anything else? Like are you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like we're going to that tomorrow. We're going to that um Washingtonian, um potluck, which we wouldn't, probably would never have done. Um, we had um neighbors over yesterday that we don't know. Oh yeah, yeah, a little rough today.
Speaker 1:I think that's fun, that's awesome all right, it sounds like um so far, you are benefiting from deciding to consciously get out of your comfort zone to start doing things.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's a lot easier with my cause. My husband's a lot more open to it too. You know he is. I think he while I was gone for three weeks he was, it was lonely, and I think he was excited when I got back that we could do more things together and, you know, get more involved. And so he's he's been doing things, you know, going to playing golf and going to the pool and going to working out and doing a lot more activities. But those are pretty much independent things where, like pick a ball and tennis and all that's a lot more social yeah, well, so as this progresses then, like so our nervous systems.
Speaker 1:You had a rough time when you went to the tennis thing on your own oh yeah yeah, so the universe is like all right, let's get her to go play pickleball with her husband and then, yeah, and open up and get what she thought she was going to get out of the tennis that feeling of being connected, having fun, socializing tomorrow.
Speaker 2:I did sign up because I paid for the tennis club. I did sign up for tennis tomorrow with. So Greg and I are going to go do tennis, but it's just a twosome. But if somebody comes and they want to do a foursome, then we'll do it, you know but Usually have you ever?
Speaker 1:I have never. In all the years I play tennis because I used to play growing up and in high school and as an adult, nobody's ever come up and asked can we play with you?
Speaker 2:No, not in tennis. No, it's just totally different, that's why everybody needs to play big football. Yeah, I agree great, all right.
Speaker 1:Well, is there anything else that when, when you think about um moving forward, like I'd love to see the impact if you talk to that guy about, yeah, um, about how he behaved, but like approach it in a way that's not? You know how awesome you thought he was when you first met him and how much fun you had in the first, but you were really surprised and how bad that made that your your friend feel, you know. So it doesn't feel like you're attacking him and stuff, but what, what that will do for you. But is there anything else that you can think of now as what we're on the call? That is, you want to do that you're afraid to do or you're worried about or that's causing you any sort of angst no, I mean tomorrow's.
Speaker 2:I mean going to this potluck's gonna be a little weird going in where we don't know anybody and you have to bring food, so what do we something, something in an RV.
Speaker 1:Huh, what's what's weird about it? Just walking in, not knowing anyone Just well, what if you consciously walk in with the energy that you tapped into when you were trying to make everybody feel better on the tennis court? Yeah, yeah. You decide in advance, because when you envision how it's going to go right now, without thinking about it, your subconscious self is probably like this is going to be awkward, this is going to be weird and you're envisioning, like, what it's going to be like when you're standing next to someone and you don't know, yeah, what to say or have anything.
Speaker 1:but you can actually prepare in advance before you go and, and, and some people are really into visualizing, I'm more a feelings person.
Speaker 1:So, I just like have a sense of what do I want to feel, like to go there and take charge, like light up the room and have a positive. How can I go to this potluck and have some kind of positive experience on the person next to me or the people around me? And then when you tap into that is it you're thinking more about how you can be beneficial to other people than you're worried about what you look like or what they might be thinking about you?
Speaker 2:I will definitely make more of an effort and to kind of visualize it yeah, like, own the room.
Speaker 1:Own the room, yeah, yeah, like you do when you do it at work. Yeah, it's the same thing, it's just a different circumstance, but that energy is accessible to you anytime yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I think, though, that it's a little too aggressive and that it puts people off well, I didn't say take over the room.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I said own the room. So that's like that's finding a happy medium there. Right, if you want to find balance. I'm not saying like you go in and say, okay, I mean, this is how it's gonna work this.
Speaker 2:This is what we're doing.
Speaker 1:I'm saying own the room, like own yourself in the room. Yeah, own your leadership energy. And sometimes a good leader has to stop and listen and follow other people.
Speaker 2:A good leader does listen.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, so you and I feel like you know. You'll know by the way it feels in your body if you're being too much or not not in your mind, in your body, so just, and you don't have to say a bunch of stuff. We're talking about energy here, here, yeah, it's not about nobody even needs to know that you're doing it, except you. But you'll know if you're successful because the way it feels in your body, like when I'm not in leadership energy, my energy starts to come up into my head and I get kind of watery up here and a little anxious in my chest. But when I feel like I'm calm, centered and grounded and in leadership energy, it goes back to my solar plexus, my belly.
Speaker 1:I noticed it on the pickleball court when I'm playing I start to get scattered and I'm focused, I'm up here, and then when I get back into it and then my game always improves too, when I go back to that energy, oh yep, try it. Well, I can't wait till we're in the same place and we can play pickleball together. I know you have to come to Washington. I want to. I saw the view September is the best time, september. Okay, I'm in. Well, I say that, but I have to check a couple of things. But I want to be in.
Speaker 2:Just pack your dogs and come on up, yeah.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, thank you so much for being on the podcast. Is there anything else that you want to share about your experience? Did you find it, did you feel like a lot of pressure from me, or did you feel like safe doing this, that I wouldn't? I felt very safe?
Speaker 2:You definitely are. You have a good energy.
Speaker 1:I knew that when I met you at the football party. Oh well, thank you. I just want to make sure that people know, when they come on for an experiment, that I'm not going to publish anything that makes them a basket case, and I'm definitely.
Speaker 2:I don't think I said anything different.
Speaker 1:I didn't name names that's always a good rule to follow when you yeah all right audience.
Speaker 1:I know you learned something valuable here today. I'll see see you next episode. So, as promised, I'm hopping back in here to follow up with how Chris did with the suggestions I made. Turns out that the barbecue was canceled, so she did not have to step into leadership energy and she did not have the opportunity to speak with the coach because she never saw him again. This is really interesting in terms of law of attraction and universal law, because it was in her best interest for neither of those events to happen, and that's how you look at things when you trust the process. So I wanted to throw that out there.
Speaker 1:And then, lastly, we talked a lot about pickleball in here, and anyone who knows me knows what a huge fan I am. But I also know how scary it is to start doing something new when you feel out of your comfort zone and uncomfortable. So I am going to offer here on the podcast for anybody who lives locally in Santa Barbara or the outlying areas. If you want me to introduce you to Pickleballball, I would be happy to do that. So I will be looking for the first four people who sign up who want to go and just get comfortable with where you go, where you park, how it all works, go over the rules and that sort of thing. So if this is something you're interested in, you could use a little bit of a buddy to get you started and I promise you you will not regret it. You can email me at mkcoachllc at gmailcom, or you can message me on facebook at maureen kafkas.
Speaker 1:So first four, I'm going to do a clinic, but I'm happy to do as many as I need to help you all get started in this sport, because it's so much more than a sport and it's a great way to meet people and really bring a lot of joy into your life that might not currently be there. All right, so that's it now. See you next episode. Hope you enjoyed the podcast today as much as I enjoyed creating it for you. If you're inspired, I appreciate a five-star review and sharing podcasts with anyone you know so that I can have a bigger ripple effect on people around me, and you can too. If you want to learn more about me, you can go to wwwthebrainbscom and you can schedule a connection call with me or sign up to be a part of a BrainBS experiment. See you next time.