Turning Points Episode 5: Reverse Culture Shock: Coming Home After 10 Years Away

Reverse Culture Shock: Coming Home After 10 Years Away

What happens when home doesn’t quite feel like home anymore?

In this episode, Angella sits down with Njoki Mburu, a Mastercard Foundation Scholars Program Alumni from University of British Columbia, to explore the complex realities of reverse culture shock after more than 10 years abroad. Njoki shares why she chose to return to Kenya, craving wholeness, family, and a sense of belonging, and the joys of rediscovering home, from familiar food to speaking her language again.

But the return hasn’t been easy. From friendships lost to building new ones from scratch, navigating political tensions on the ground, being treated differently because of her accent, and redefining her sense of purpose and rest, Njoki opens up about both the challenges and the healing of coming back.

This is an honest and heartfelt conversation about belonging, identity, and what it truly means to come home after years away.

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Transcript

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Angela Nantambi (00:00:04):

Start this one. Okay, great. Now we are live. Welcome, Njoki. This is for us to get situated. For the people listening in for the first time or coming back for another great episode, welcome back to Turning Points. I'm your host, Angela Nantambi, a proud Mastercard Foundation Scholar Alumni. And this is the podcast where we dive into the real stories of alumni and how they're navigating life as adults after being Scholars as part of the Mastercard Foundation Scholars Program. In today's episode, we'll be talking about an experience that some of us can relate to, and that is returning home after living abroad, and specifically the reverse culture shock that comes with it. If you've ever studied or lived outside of your home country, you might have had a moment where you stepped off the plane, you were ready to come back and create the change that you've always wanted to create, and yet nothing felt quite the same after you landed.

(00:01:12):

You might feel like a stranger in your own country, your friends and family may not fully understand the person you've become, the city or the town that you once knew that once felt familiar now seems quite different. And all the in-betweens that come with moving back home to social norms, you feel like they've shifted in ways that make you feel disoriented. Today's guest, Njoki Mburu, is someone who has experienced exactly this and has actually recently moved back to Kenya. She's a storyteller, she's a consultant, she's a facilitator, all around human being, and she's lived abroad for over 10 years. And today we're going to get into the weeds of how it's been for her since she moved back to Kenya. Welcome, Njoki Mburu. Say hi to the listeners.

Njoki Mburu (00:02:06):

Amazing. Thank you so much for having me, Angela. And hello listeners. I'm really looking forward to sharing the story, but also the follow-up questions, comments, and conversations that will come from this kind of conversation.

Angela Nantambi (00:02:26):

Awesome. So it's great to have you, Njoki. So as someone who has lived abroad, I lived in Ghana and I currently live in the US, but I had a two-year break after my undergrad where I had to move to Uganda. This topic is very close to my heart because I've been there and I know that many of us, many of our listeners, especially the Mastercard Foundation Scholars and alumni may have experienced the same thing. It's something that doesn't always get talked about. We talk about them moving abroad, but we don't talk about them moving back from abroad and how the shifts in between exist. So we just want to have that conversation about reverse culture shock, the intensity that comes with it, but more so the new realities that you have to experience once you move back. So let's get started with your story. Tell us about your experience of coming back home after living abroad. What was that initial transition like for you?

Njoki Mburu (00:03:27):

It makes a difference to talk to someone who gets it, because the kinds of things I can share and the kinds of questions you can ask would feel really aligned and will have depth. They will have depth. So coming back, as Angela has mentioned, I've been away from my country, which is Kenya, I've been away from Kenya since August of 2014.

Angela Nantambi (00:03:53):

Wow.

Njoki Mburu (00:03:55):

I know. I know. Way back when, y'all. I left when I was 18 years old. It was only a few months after I had celebrated my 18th birthday. This was my first time outside of the continent of Africa. I had gone to our East African countries, but this was the first time outside of the continent. And since then I have been fortunate to not only study in Germany, but also study and work in Canada. I did not know that me leaving would be a whole decade on and off. I only returned to Kenya a few months ago, which was towards the end of March. So essentially, I literally came back three days or so before my birthday, my 29th birthday.

(00:04:48):

And what I joke is I say all of my 20s were far from home, which is true. And I was really shaped by the experiences that I had while abroad. I don't know how much further I should share, but I know the questions coming will go into the different emotions and experiences that I had when I was landing and reintegrating with my country, but if there's something to follow up on, let me   know.

Angela Nantambi (00:05:16):

Take us through that whole journey of how you felt moving back. I'm sure you were excited at the beginning knowing that, okay, I'm going back home. But then once you landed, how was that like for you? Did you feel anxious? Were things different? Was the weather different from how you left it? Take us through all that.

Njoki Mburu (00:05:34):

Okay. Well, ladies and gentlemen, let's get our coffee and chai. I know the Kenyans out there are just munching on mandazi and chapati and chai, so let's do it.

Angela Nantambi (00:05:46):

I'm having my coffee.

Njoki Mburu (00:05:47):

There we go. Y'all, if you're not drinking Ugandan and Kenyan and Rwandan and Ethiopian coffee, I don't know what you're doing.

Angela Nantambi (00:05:55):

You're missing out.

Njoki Mburu (00:05:56):

Missing out. Anyway. Oh, and Burundi, my bad. Okay. So when I was deciding to come back to Kenya, it initially began as this feeling of being unsettled and unfulfilled by my then reality. This feeling began in January of 2023, note that. I only moved in 2025, but I remember-

Angela Nantambi (00:06:30):

Interesting.

Njoki Mburu (00:06:31):

Yes, there's a whole two years there. It began as feeling that there was really nothing in the environment that I was in, which specifically at that time I had already graduated, because I graduated from my undergrad as a Mastercard Foundation Scholar in 2020 and then I got some work experience. So in that period, I was working, I was doing gigs, I was being invited for events as a facilitator and a moderator, I had beautiful friendships, and yet there was this feeling that was nagging at me that just I could not say that I was content with where I was at. And so at that season, I was looking for new opportunities also later on, networking, talking to people in different fields. Maybe I was thinking if I expand what I'm working in, perhaps that will give me a new sense of fulfillment. I was fortunate to really build amazing networks, and I'm telling you          cold networking, it does its job, that's a fact.

Angela Nantambi (00:07:42):

Here we are.

Njoki Mburu (00:07:43):

Here we are here. No, truthfully

Angela Nantambi (00:07:45):

Here we are as part of a cold call [inaudible 00:07:47] we're having a conversation now

Njoki Mburu (00:07:50):

All starting on a simple LinkedIn DM. No, it actually does work. So I was fortunate to get to experience new opportunities after networking and successfully interviewing. And while initially when we know whenever we step into something new there usually is a sense of excitement, so that did happen, but still, something did not feel good enough. So as the year was progressing, I decided let me apply to go to my masters because I think it's time for me to go back to school. I applied, I was excited to consider that I would move. I was very sure that I did not want to study in the same country I was living, but if I was to stay there, I had to move across to the other side because I wanted a significant change. And I did get into my master's degree, but unfortunately I did not get the Scholarships to study or pursue that, so I decided maybe next year.

(00:08:51):

So while waiting for that maybe next year season, the nudge became increasingly louder and I started talking to some of my peer friends telling them, "I don't feel like this is the place for me. Vancouver doesn't feel alive to me anymore." And then I began to also look into the stories or just general ideas of diaspora back home, and, for me, what I noticed was that people who are coming back home had already set up this I've built a home, I'm going to set a foundation, I've invested in a huge farm, and I'm thinking to myself, whoa, I do not have that story.

Angela Nantambi (00:09:37):

You don't have the backs.

Njoki Mburu (00:09:38):

I really don't have a whole foundation running that is funding 15 girls in a high school, but I still feel that going home is the next step for me. I don't know how, but I feel that I should. Anyway, having had that thought and just seeing that there is still... Those stories of the diaspora did help me though because it showed me that the idea, which I think is a myth that we need to bust, that I needed to bust, the idea of which I thought I had this false idea that the return home was a failure in itself. It sounds terrible to say, it sounds so bad to say, but I noticed that that was coming up. And I remember distinctly actually being on a WhatsApp call with my mom and I was so heartbroken at the thought of returning, and I was even in tears and I was telling her, "Mom, I'm coming back with nothing to show."

Angela Nantambi (00:10:37):

Oh, wow.

Njoki Mburu (00:10:38):

I know. Actually it was really painful to say that, because for me the idea of something to show included you've built your mother a house, you've taken your cousins to school, you have a farm and a business running, and I didn't have those things to write down. For me, what I had was my bachelor's degree, that's what I had, and some savings. So I was holding a lot of grief, but I was also experiencing a push. So there was a pull to return, but there was a push for me to leave. And the push was out of my control. And this push was the immigration system in which I think is a story you're very familiar with, Angela.

Angela Nantambi (00:11:25):

I'm very familiar with that, 100%.

Njoki Mburu (00:11:31):

Woo hoo wee.

Angela Nantambi (00:11:32):

Currently navigating that.

Njoki Mburu (00:11:32):

Listen, now that is a story that will put you sat, it will sit you down, it will put you in a posture of humility. But having to come to terms that I really did not have control over this. I could definitely work on talking to lawyers or immigration consultants or asking people for petition and support, but I don't know about those listening and I'm not sure of the details of your complete story, Angela, but there comes to a point or there came to a point for me where I was mentally exhausted, so completely done that the thought of sending another email to my member of parliament, just I couldn't. I have emails sent to my member of the legislative assembly, which is what we call them, an MLA. I had emails to this person. I had an employer support. I had research and documents and links. You know how you have bookmarks?

Angela Nantambi (00:12:44):

Oh, yeah.

Njoki Mburu (00:12:44):

I had a folder called Immigration with links. And I just realized, whoa, it's looking like the document that I need is not coming soon and I am not able to go to the Immigration and Refugees and Citizenship of Canada office, IRCC, in short and shout at them to make it happen. I've done all as much as I can. And at this point, I just have to accept things as they are. So in 2024, as all of this was happening, my permit was approaching an expiry in the fall of 2024, I had started a new job earlier in 2024 and fortunately they supported me to renew that permit, but with a caveat where I couldn't work for anyone else with that. So it was for that job. That's not their fault. That's just how the documents were issued. And when my contract ended, I had a permit that I could not apply. And I thought, well...

Angela Nantambi (00:14:05):

It's about time.

Njoki Mburu (00:14:05):

It's about time, because I have something here that says you can stay in... The permit says I can legally reside, but I cannot work. How is this coming together? That was a reality check. By that time, this was fall 2024 into the winter of 2024 and 2025, I had again applied for my masters. I said, "If I have to leave this country, well, it is what it is. I will return home. And while I'm home, perhaps another door will open for me to go back to school."

(00:14:44):

And so in January of 2025, as my contract ended on the very last day of January, I sat there looking at that permit and seeing how much sweat and labor I had put to get it only to come to a point where it didn't mean a thing as much as it had two more years on it. I could subtly live there for two more years or three more years actually. And I remember I decided it is time.

Angela Nantambi (00:15:14):

It is time.

Njoki Mburu (00:15:16):

It truly it was. Have you ever just had a moment where you had to swallow a bitter pill, but it is probably the best thing you have done for yourself in a long time?

Angela Nantambi (00:15:28):

Oh, yeah. I know. I totally relate to your story 100%. When I finished my undergrad in Ghana, I was so done. That nudge that you're talking about, I had it in my third year, I think, of my undergrad. And while everybody was so excited to explore new places, go to other countries, find jobs in the country where we were, which was Ghana, or go for graduate school elsewhere, I was done. I was like, "I do not care what anybody offers, what anybody says, I'm moving back home." And it's interesting, the guilt that you earlier mentioned, the idea that you're moving back home with nothing to show for it, I felt that, and it mostly came from family and friends that were home.

(00:16:30):

When I had conversations with them, it would always go like, "Are you sure you want to come back home? Are you sure this is a good idea? You've already started flying, why are you now moving back home?" Because it feels like you're taking 500 steps backwards moving back home, which is very insane and crazy to me, because a lot of these people have no idea what it feels like to be away from home for such a long period of time and moving away from what once felt familiar to this foreign country, these foreign people, this foreign language, these foreign foods, it becomes so real once you move, once you're in these countries, but after a while the excitement fades away and all you want is to go back to your home, go back to your people. And it was a very strange feeling, but I remember thinking, I really could care less about what anybody's saying right now. For me, at this moment in time, I just want to be happy, and I'm not.

(00:17:43):

Moving to a [inaudible 00:17:44] country, it's just going to make things worse for me. If I'm going to do that, let me take a break. Let me take a break. I told my mom, "I'm going to take a break. I don't know how long I'm going to stay." I had plans to go for grad school, but I was like, "I don't want to go now. I don't even know what I want to do for grad school. That's a big leap that I have to take. And if I'm going to do that, I need to know what exactly I want to do for grad school." And so that conversation, she's very open. She's like, "Yeah, of course come home." But I totally, totally understand when you say you have all these people coming back home with all these investments they've made home and all you have is a degree and maybe a few networks that you've made, and you hope-

Njoki Mburu (00:18:32):

And some dollars.

Angela Nantambi (00:18:34):

And your only hope, these networks come to something or help you get a job or something. So I completely understand that. Totally, totally, totally. So you move back home, you move back to Kenya, now you've made the decision, how is that process like? You tell your friends, everybody's probably sad.

Njoki Mburu (00:18:55):

Very.

Angela Nantambi (00:18:56):

or some people are like, "I'm so glad she's leaving. It was about time."

Njoki Mburu (00:19:02):

Yikes. Well, if they were, they did not let me know.

Angela Nantambi (00:19:09):

Good. So you moved back home. How was that process like once you finally made the decision?

Njoki Mburu (00:19:16):

First of all, I want to say kudos to both your mom and my mom for just being so open to having us back and be like, "Yeah, you're my kid. Come back home." It truly is one thing that helped me, a process, just this drastic change. So it is January, the contract's ending, and I said, "Oh, I'm going home." And I don't know who I told first. I think it was my closest friend. And I said, "It's time, I'm moving out, but it's going to be quick. I'm going to leave soon." And then, guys, this is mid-January, I'm telling you, when the nudge fully sank and the contract ends at the end of January, and I'm telling you, I don't know how it took me a few weeks, but I had my flight booked for the end of March and I said, "It's happening. However it'll happen in the 60 days, it is happening." So I started telling people, my closest friends, told some of my supervisors, my former supervisors, whom I had become really close to, obviously told my family, because who's coming to the airport?

Angela Nantambi (00:20:33):

Your mom.

Njoki Mburu (00:20:34):

Yo. And there was definitely a lot of tears both in public, which is to say in front of people that I cared about and people that cared for me, but a lot more in private, just me, myself, and I. When in the moments where I could not see ahead, I knew, yes, I have a home, I have a family... Which, by the way, can we just take a moment to recognize that at least in the Mastercard Foundation community, we have people who really have no home to come back to because of the state of our countries, the wars that have continued for years that have just devastated us. So

(00:21:23):

I hold in my heart all those that are considered displaced and forced migrants. And I was really thankful when I was reminded by my own family, "You have a family and a home to come back to. What are you overthinking?" But I think for me what was wearing me down and what was causing me all these tears was, one, that skewed narrative I had about what do I have to show. Number two, it was also the realization that I would be very far away from people that I had come to really, really connect with.

Angela Nantambi (00:22:06):

That's deep.

Njoki Mburu (00:22:07):

Oh, that was painful. My goodness. Because, as I said, all of my 20s there. These are people who have seen me from the days where I had no clue what a credit card was to the moment where I was like, "Oh, how's your credit score doing?" I'm like, "What?" But that's a very surface level. They've seen me through more. And I think from the thing that also caused me a lot of grief was when I began to reflect on how much I had struggled with my mental health between 2022 until 2025.

(00:22:46):

I think just in that moment and seeing where it had come to, I was like, "Man, am I broken?" That I think is what it hit really hard to see the evidence of what's looked like failure to me back then. But that was the journey. I had the parties with the friends to say goodbye, the little coffee conversations, I dropped off gifts to people to say thank you, and had people coming to my house to help me pack. And then eventually on the day I was driven by a group of friends to the airport and here we are.

Angela Nantambi (00:23:32):

Oh, my. I think it's like a mourning period that you have to cope with because it's like you're leaving something behind that's so meaningful. 10 years is not a joke.

Njoki Mburu (00:23:44):

It's not a joke.

Angela Nantambi (00:23:45):

Your 20s are so formative in terms of coming into your adulthood, having a bit of an understanding of what you want to do in your life, and you have people surrounding you in helping and shaping this new human being. And it's so interesting that you say that because currently where I am now, I've made really close relationships with people. And we were recently having a chart, and I don't want to get emotional right now.

Njoki Mburu (00:24:16):

You can get emotional. I got my handkerchief. Where's my handkerchief? Yes, guys, I still use a handkerchief. Don't judge.

Angela Nantambi (00:24:28):

We were having a chart and we went down the rabbit hole of how it feels like to leave people in a place that you've lived for quite some time like right now these are my friends, these are my people, I got to them, we have dinners together, we hang out together, we go for hikes, we go camping. We are living life together. And to think that one day I'm going to pack my bags and leave these people behind is such a tough feeling to grapple with because we literally... I don't know. And for her, it was like, "I really, really don't even want to talk about this because it's such a painful [inaudible 00:25:14]" And I didn't realize how painful that was by hearing you speak, now I get it, because much as I have been places and left places, I feel deeply at this point in time in my life and it's going to be harder for me to leave this place than it was when I left Ghana, because I was like, "I'm nonchalant, I'm going back home.

Njoki Mburu (00:25:41):

I'm already tired anyway.

Angela Nantambi (00:25:46):

I'm tired anyway, I had a great time here. Nice meeting you. Bye.

Njoki Mburu (00:25:48):

Peace out.

Angela Nantambi (00:25:48):

But right now, it feels deeper than that. It feels deeper than just saying goodbye to somebody. It feels like I'm losing someone so dear to me and I don't want to think about it, so I get it. And we probably need these moments of mourning these people. Yeah, they're not physically dead, but you're not going to be not the physically present in each other's spaces as you were before. So I get it. And it's crazy to think that that is such a human experience, because you go to a place you probably think you're going to make friends, you're going to make connections, but the depth of those relationships is not guaranteed. But when they form, then you are left with this fear that you're going to break away from these relationships at some point in time and it's not going to be the easy thing to do.

(00:26:47):

So wow, these are deep things that, oh my goodness, I don't think we talk about them enough. I'm glad we're having this conversation. And for people who are listening and probably either moving abroad for the first time, this is something they'll have to prepare for.

Njoki Mburu (00:27:04):

That's right.

Angela Nantambi (00:27:05):

Those who are preparing to move back, there's so much going on in that period that I hope what we are sharing right now resonates with you in some form and helps you settle with that decision, because I think it's fine to completely want to move back home. It's fine.

Njoki Mburu (00:27:25):

It truly is. It truly is.

Angela Nantambi (00:27:26):

But the emotions and feelings that come with that decision, it's quite a lot to deal with.

Njoki Mburu (00:27:31):

My goodness. I don't don't know if I'm making up this term, but I notice that I feel it with something called anticipatory grief where you're anticipating the end of something or the change of something. And I think about that when I think of obviously which is we all have an end date on our time here on earth, and I think of people that I deeply love and I think of, oh my goodness, one day they'll be gone. Sometimes I actually just sit there, I'm like, "Let me grieve that. Let me just... What." There's differences, but to think of a separation from someone you have deeply come to know and care for who has taken care of you also when you are far from home, the grief is so heavy.

Angela Nantambi (00:28:24):

No grief in itself is...

Njoki Mburu (00:28:26):

Period.

Angela Nantambi (00:28:27):

No, it's not something you wish on anyone ever. Not even your worst enemy. No. But it's a reality of life that we have to deal with. My gosh. And it's sad. It's aggravating in every form. And my mind, at least the good thing that you actually mentioned that I really love is we have some place to go back to, we have an option to go back home

Njoki Mburu (00:28:54):

Yes, we do.

Angela Nantambi (00:28:56):

And previously it wasn't as prevalent. When I was in Ghana, a lot of us had a home to go back to, that was the obvious, but being here in the US, I've made relationships with people and these people cannot go back home for one reason or the other.

Njoki Mburu (00:29:13):

That's right.

Angela Nantambi (00:29:13):

There's war in their country. There's all kinds of animosity going on in their countries, in their families, they can't go back home.

Njoki Mburu (00:29:24):

Literally, can't.

Angela Nantambi (00:29:25):

We have that option, so it's a privilege. It's painful, but it's an option.

Njoki Mburu (00:29:30):

Yes, indeed.

Angela Nantambi (00:29:30):

Because there's joy on the other side once you get back home to your family. But for those who are not able to go back, which is I think a good number of Mastercard Foundation Scholars and alumni are refugees who are from displaced countries, and they have to be in places that don't feel like home. So we empathize 100% with those people. And we hope that wherever you find yourself, you build that community and surround yourself with people who give you that sense of home that you may not get...

Njoki Mburu (00:30:01):

Oh, I love that.

Angela Nantambi (00:30:03):

... If you were to move back home.

Njoki Mburu (00:30:05):

That's so good. That's so good. Thank you for seeing that.

Angela Nantambi (00:30:09):

100%, girl. Deep stuff. Now, you are in your car getting to the airport, friends are saying goodbye. You've done all the packing, selling that comes with

Njoki Mburu (00:30:24):

That one, I don't want to remember.

Angela Nantambi (00:30:29):

Are you sentimental?

Njoki Mburu (00:30:30):

The books. It's the books. I had to give away so many books.

Angela Nantambi (00:30:36):

Oh my, that process, I don't even want to think about it because right now I think I have accumulated things and I'm like, "It would be hard to let this go."

Njoki Mburu (00:30:45):

Look at us with our first all problems, guys. Let me not.

Angela Nantambi (00:30:49):

I know.

Njoki Mburu (00:30:49):

Anyway.

Angela Nantambi (00:30:49):

Yeah.

Njoki Mburu (00:30:56):

Oh, yeah. So now we're on the other side. We're in Kenya now. Okay, continue with the question. We're in Kenya.

Angela Nantambi (00:31:03):

You are in Kenya now... No, you're probably just landed at the airport. Do you feel the difference once you land in the airport? Because I feel like once I go back home I feel a difference in just the way [inaudible 00:31:16] work back home from the airport I'm like, "Oh boy, I'm home. I'm home." Did you start to feel that shift in the energy in the systems and everything in between really once you landed at the airport?

Njoki Mburu (00:31:30):

For me, whenever I fly, I feel the difference in the first transit point that has Kenyans. I just notice. I remember, especially in Amsterdam, oh my goodness, you just pass through here Swahili, someone is dropping another language, you see them with their Kenyan bracelet, and I'm like, "I'm home. I'm fine. I'm fine. I made it."

Angela Nantambi (00:31:54):

That's it. That's it.

Njoki Mburu (00:31:54):

I made it.

Angela Nantambi (00:31:55):

At least some things continue to stay familiar.

Njoki Mburu (00:31:58):

Yes, they do. Yes, they do. But yes, I did notice and felt the difference, and especially when I landed back home, because there is this very obvious change in terms of how I feel observed. There was how it felt in Vancouver where you're given a second glance, you're asked some more than accountable questions at the security point. But here, people see my light, blue sky blue passport, they're like, "Ah, Maruthi." And I'm like, "Who are you?" I'm like, "Okay. Yes, sir. I guess I'm back." I didn't know we know each other, but yes, I'm back." But people just think it was like, "Oh, okay, there, she's back. Cool." I noticed that I was not too concerned about how people thought of me in the space. I think where I lived previously, there was just a lot of caution with how I said certain things or the way that I projected the accent that I used. And here I was like, "The accent." Guys, I don't know about you, but my accent changes at the airport. I'm not even kidding.

Angela Nantambi (00:33:20):

Literally, you're not alone in this. I'm not alone.

Njoki Mburu (00:33:26):

It is not by force.

Angela Nantambi (00:33:29):

The moment I sense there's people from Uganda around me, that's it.

Njoki Mburu (00:33:33):

It changes.

Angela Nantambi (00:33:33):

It's like a switch.

Njoki Mburu (00:33:37):

I don't even try. Sometimes I shock myself. I'm like, "What? Where did this accent come from?" But, yes, I noticed the difference. And the difference to me in that moment felt positive. And it felt in that moment at the airport I didn't come to terms with, yeah, wow, this is what I needed to do. It took me a couple of weeks, and increasingly with time I really felt validated with my decision. And I remember even texting people and saying, "This is actually what I need to do at this exact moment."

Angela Nantambi (00:34:16):

Wow. I'm glad that it was mostly positive, at least in the first instance when you landed. And the familiarity definitely I feel like it's a nostalgic feeling of I know this from somewhere and it feels really good.

Njoki Mburu (00:34:32):

Yes.

Angela Nantambi (00:34:33):

So I completely love that you feel that. For some people, if you left a country on not so good times, I feel like that would just be a trigger.

Njoki Mburu (00:34:46):

Yeah, that's valid.

Angela Nantambi (00:34:46):

This bad news. I need to    my bags and leave again.

Njoki Mburu (00:34:47):

And leave again.

Angela Nantambi (00:34:48):

But for a positive feeling, I would say, "You are home. 100%."

Njoki Mburu (00:34:52):

That's very true.

Angela Nantambi (00:34:55):

So now you are home, you're chilling, you're trying to connect with people again, you've settled that feeling of was this the right decision, and in this moment it feels I think this is right, I'm glad I'm home. I think one of the toughest things that comes with moving back home, at least for me when I did, it was relationships, reconnecting with friends that you once knew, or making new relationships all together. But really the main challenge I found for me was reconnecting with old friends. Now, when you move abroad and live away from home for such an extended period of time, occasionally you're probably checking in with your friends saying hello and all the in-between that comes with communication, then when you are back home in person I found that, one, my  set has changed completely. There's a mindset shift around the way I see the world, the way I see things around me, the problems I see, the solutions I question. I'm asking a lot of why, why, why. My curious mind is a lot, 100%.

Njoki Mburu (00:36:20):

That's right.

Angela Nantambi (00:36:21):

And the other thing I found was when interacting with my friends, my old friends, I noticed that they put me in a category. Now, I'm an other in the group, the one who traveled abroad, the one who has a different accent from ours, the one who thinks they're really smart, the one who has money apparently. You could have zero dollars.

Njoki Mburu (00:36:53):

Ma'am. [inaudible 00:36:57] You were in America.

Angela Nantambi (00:37:00):

Excuse me, you're in America, that's it, that's enough to be like you have the money, you have the resources, you have all these things. And I felt really alienated when interacting with my friends in that way, because it felt like now they see me as a different person. Yeah, I probably have changed, but then I'm still Angela, I still want to hang out, I still want to get to know you. Tell me about all the things that have happened since I left, but now I'm othered.

Njoki Mburu (00:37:27):

I missed you.

Angela Nantambi (00:37:31):

I'm othered, and it doesn't feel right.

Njoki Mburu (00:37:32):

That's right.

Angela Nantambi (00:37:33):

Did you have to navigate that with your friendships? Or even if it's not just reconnecting with old friends, making new ones, that is in itself I think a hard thing to do.

Njoki Mburu (00:37:43):

It is. Oh, I would say that this is another facet of grief is watching and witnessing when the people that you have missed for years and the people that you still love don't see. You you're not there. You're there, but they can't reach you. And they don't mean to push you away, but it's just in some of the comments, some of the behaviors, some of the things that are not done, that's where the grief comes. For me, I experienced this not just because and when I came back this time, but even as a Mastercard Foundation Scholar we know that part of our learning involves returning often to our homes or of the continent for work placements, for internships. And I recall that in some of those experiences, there was an air in the room of, oh, okay, now we have this intern, she's from Canada. Wow, how cool.

Angela Nantambi (00:38:49):

Oh my God.

Njoki Mburu (00:38:50):

And I said, "Woo wee guys. Really, please don't put me there. Please." I don't even know, because it feels pretentious to try and look like you're insignificant, be like, "No guys, no, don't know about me. No," but I just did not know how to say, "Please just treat me like this person here. Can we just try that? I know that the Swahili is not coming with the accent that you're used to." [inaudible 00:39:25] but you cannot, but still. Woo.

(00:39:31):

So yes, I did experience that. And this time around, I have observed that I think our stories are different, because, for me, when I left in 2014, I unfortunately had not formed very strong friendships in high school. So when I left, I was like, "Oh, okay, whatever people, I'm gone. I'm gone." And it was only when I was in Germany that I formed my first deep friendships. So whenever I come back to Kenya, to this day, whenever I come back to Kenya, most of my friends live outside the country. So being back, I interact with a lot of cousins and obviously my immediate family. And there's always that idea of, okay... There's always you being seen as you're not here. So how I'm asked questions is like, "So when are you going back and how is your country?" I'm like, "What country? Oh, you mean the other one that I live in temporarily." So there's a distance there because there's an assumption that you're not here to stay. You are a person in transit. This is home to you by extension. And that is hard.

(00:40:52):

And I noticed even as recently as Sunday when I went to church, and then it was a new church for me, and then they had this meeting with the pastor afterwards, so I went to meet the pastor. And I'm talking to them and I don't know where the Kenyan accent just was not landing. I am trying to speak and it's just coming out not Kenyan. And I could notice when he asked me, "Where you've been?" And I say a bit about my time away. And he's like, "Okay. Yeah." And then you notice there's a difference in the air of how you're talked to and how you're treated. And I'm like, "Oh no, I messed up." So it's hard. And for me, particularly apart from that othering that I've experienced from people that you would not expect, apart from that what hurts me more, this is my own experience, is the feeling of loneliness while being surrounded or being...

(00:41:53):

Because I don't have someone to call up on a Thursday night and be like, "So this weekend are we going on a road trip?" Apart from my family, I don't know. And I'm trying to look for them in church, I'm out here smiling at people in the supermarket. The behaviors. I literally go to the coffee shop alone, I sit like this. I put my book there, and I'm like, "Okay, guys. I'm alone. Nobody, nothing." And for me, I don't have social media accounts, so I don't just slide into DMs. I don't have that access to sliding into DMs. So I haven't met people online in the same way. I've had chats with people here and there.

(00:42:45):

I've even asked people, my friends abroad, to introduce me to people that they know here. And so I've had one chatted here, one chat there, but nothing has hit. So it's felt like othering, it's felt like loneliness, but I remember telling one of my friends today, I was like, "I can't force a friendship. I really can't." So I just have had to learn to be patient with this experience and to offer myself grace and to still try and make efforts to meet people in these events or at church or even through family members, who knows? But that's been the hard part of the return is the experience of loneliness while being home.

Angela Nantambi (00:43:30):

Wow. You would not think that, oh, somebody who has lived abroad and coming back home, you would feel lonely at all, but it's interesting to hear that that's what you're navigating right now. And honestly, I don't know if I've had moments of loneliness when I moved back home, at least for the few months or weeks when I go back home it's usually so packed. Maybe because I feel like I have such limited time and I want to feel every single hour of my time with something, I don't feel that sense of loneliness. In fact, I think when I moved back, at least for the two-year period that I was home, it was like the pandemic hit and [inaudible 00:44:21] my saving grace to connect with my nephews. So yes, they had grown to the point where they knew an auntie existed somewhere, but really there was no relationship in that.

Njoki Mburu (00:44:38):

Who is this woman?

Angela Nantambi (00:44:40):

I was at least an auntie somewhere, but no relationship. And sadly, I think one thing that comes with also being away from home is losing people. And this is a tangent, really going on it.

Njoki Mburu (00:44:51):

Oh my goodness, yes. That's so hard.

Angela Nantambi (00:44:53):

Speaking of grief, I lost my brother while I was a student in Ghana. Now this was my ride or die kind of guy, and he passes on very unexpectedly. One minute we are having a chat, the next I'm told he's dead. Excuse me, what am I supposed to do with this news? I'm not there. And that grief period really, really taught me to appreciate people when you have the moment to be with them, to be in the moment to be present. So my friends actually know that when I go home, I'm home. My phone is somewhere. My socials are not as active.

Njoki Mburu (00:45:42):

They're not active.

Angela Nantambi (00:45:44):

I'm not active anywhere. I'm active in the moment. So really losing my brother, and at the time he had two kids, these boys who are so dear to me, but I really had no relationship with them. And so when I moved back in 2019 and the pandemic happened, I saw that as an opportunity to build this relationship with these kids because you need to know who your auntie is.

Njoki Mburu (00:46:09):

You better know.

Angela Nantambi (00:46:11):

You better know. You better know who I am. And so I've tried as much as possible that when I'm going home I literally have a schedule. Day one, day two, day three. And it may not necessarily be with friends, that I'm going out with friends, but I'll plan things with my family, I'll plan things with the boys, go out for movies, do things A, B, C, D.

Njoki Mburu (00:46:36):

Oh my God.

Angela Nantambi (00:46:37):

And so I don't feel that loneliness, but I know it's so real for you, at least right now. And I hope and pray that at least in the next couple of months that you have somebody gets to check you out at the cafe [inaudible 00:46:54].

Njoki Mburu (00:46:55):

That supermarket.

Angela Nantambi (00:46:58):

At the supermarket as you're giving them the smiles, [inaudible 00:47:02] I'm right here.

Njoki Mburu (00:47:04):

In the vegetable section, guys. The vegetable section.

Angela Nantambi (00:47:07):

In the vegetable section. I'm right here. I love vegetables. I eat healthy.

Njoki Mburu (00:47:16):

I'm finished. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.

Angela Nantambi (00:47:19):

Oh, boy.

Njoki Mburu (00:47:19):

Thank you very much. And I'm so sorry about the passing of your brother. It hits so hard to come back home. And I've had experiences of also losing family members while I was away and coming back to a grave site, oh my goodness, I can't explain it.

Angela Nantambi (00:47:42):

That is reality check one, I had to grow up because I don't think I had really faced grief in that sense of a close one. And you leave these people, they literally came with you to the airport. They were laughing and hugging you in person. It was all joys and smiles, and it's a good time. It's sad that you're leaving, but we are so happy for you because you're going to go and do great things out there only to come back to a graveyard. That is the reality of being away and moving back. That is it. Because I think over the duration of the time that we'll be away, things are going to happen. Life is going to happen. And that includes losing loved ones.

Njoki Mburu (00:48:30):

It does.

Angela Nantambi (00:48:31):

And coming face to face with that is something.

Njoki Mburu (00:48:36):

It is, yeah. And this is why those communities out there, those friends that we say grieve, we grieve when we think of leaving them is because they were the ones that held us when we couldn't take a flight to come back knowing that, oh my goodness, I will never see this person again.

Angela Nantambi (00:48:54):

Yeah. Oh my God, whoa, we went down the dark way.

Njoki Mburu (00:48:59):

We said what needed to be said. We just had to. It was necessary.

Angela Nantambi (00:49:05):

Yeah, we just had to. Oh boy, I'm enjoying this chat so much.

Njoki Mburu (00:49:08):

Me too.

Angela Nantambi (00:49:12):

I know that at the moment in Kenya and politically [inaudible 00:49:17] and when you're not in the country, you get to participate in your own way from a distance, but being in the country and being face-to-face with the realities of your country now different from how you left it must mean something.

Njoki Mburu (00:49:37):

My goodness.

Angela Nantambi (00:49:38):

Must do something to you. How have you navigated the changes and the instabilities that are happening currently politically speaking in your country?

Njoki Mburu (00:49:47):

That's right. First of all, I just want to pause. I don't know why, but this conversation has turned into us really sitting with the experience and reality of how grief transforms us. So I just want to pause here and hold in my heart the lives of every person that has died as a result of the political repression in Kenya so far, and especially last year June and this year June and July, it's been heartbreaking, gut-wrenching to watch mothers and fathers weep on national TV every other week because their 21-year-old son was walking to the shop, not participating in a protest and got shot. Help me understand what is happening. And while I was away, I remember earlier in the years... Though, I have to be honest, when I first left Kenya, I did not even consider looking back in the political scene. I was like, "Yeah, whatever. I can follow the news. I can see here and there." Back then I had Facebook, so you could see posts here and there.

(00:51:14):

But I think once I got into university, and especially after graduating from my degree, I became a bit more attentive to the context that I called home. And for back then, in 2020 when I was graduating, for me, my interest was mostly Sub-Saharan Africa, so I was quite general. It's like, "Let me see the geopolitics of DRC. Let me just learn about South Africa here and there." But then when we had our election and I did my first, guys, my first time voting, I was not in the country. And so when it came to that season of my first time voting, which is in 2022, I was like, "Oh, I think I need to learn about what's happening. Who's the candidate? What do they stand for? What's happening in Kenya?" And this speaks to how sometimes when we are living far from home, especially if we have left the entire continent, like we're Africans who have left Africa to live in other countries, I think it can be easy to distance ourselves from the political reality that our comrades... I will call them comrades, which means our fellow citizens, our comrades are living in.

(00:52:29):

It can be, oh, you see a post on X, you like it and you move on, or you see something on Instagram, you reshare. I don't know if that's the term for reshare, because I have no clue how Instagram works. But you see something on TikTok and you forward it I think that's a term. So it can be easy to distance ourselves from the context of our countries when we are so physically far away, and I did that for years. I think it only became real when I chose to participate in politics by voting while I was abroad. And it has only become realer, more real when I'm here now. Being a part of what people term as Gen Z millennial, even just by the existence there's like, oh, an assumption of you're participating in politics or you're going to show up at the protests. And for those who are listening, if you have an opportunity, I'd invite you to go look into what is happening in the news in Kenya.

(00:53:40):

You can start with the 2024 finance bill protests up until what I'm speaking to today, which is the protest of June 2025 and July 7th 2025. By being here and witnessing firsthand and in real time how there is a media ban. For example, a few weeks ago, certain stations were cut off. You hear about, oh, this person went to the process, never came home. Or you talk to your grandparents and they're like, "Oh my goodness, please tell your cousins not to go to the protest. Please don't go to the protest." It's so real. It's so real. And how it feels being back to me is I am really saddened that this is where we are at as a nation. I am still so committed to holding onto hope because if I choose to become hopeless, apathetic, and exhausted, then the political repression has won. And I think what we are seeing as what people in the world will know as the Kenyan Gen Z movement is a movement of people who are holding onto hope at any cost.

(00:54:59):

And it is so sad that the cost is bloodshed, the cost is obduction and disappearance. And I text some of my Kenyan diaspora people and I say, "Guys, please, wherever you would just try, just talk to people, learn civically engaged, reshare a post. And if you can, vote." First of all, I can't make anyone do anything. I cannot. And two, everyone has been called for a different purpose. So some people might just say, "I don't want to know anything about politics. I will do the following, I will start a non-profit that will support A, B, C, D. And I've had to accept that political engagement varies, but we can each do our part. So for me it's been a sad story to watch what is happening, but it's also been a very, very inspiring moment to be part of what is considered an ongoing revolution in resistance and resurgence.

Angela Nantambi (00:56:11):

Wow. Honestly, there's no way we were going to have this conversation, especially right now, and not have this discussion about what's currently happening in Kenya. And I 100% commend the youth in the country for what they're doing and wish them luck 100%. I am sad that of course in moments like this, in situations like this, lives are going to be lost, but for a cause that a lot of people believe in. So I cannot speak to what's happening in the country because I'm not Kenyan, but I know at least a friend of ours is Kenyan is so livid about the situation right now. And I think some people are questioning about why are you guys doing the things you're doing?

(00:57:05):

And if you're not really in the country, you don't get to question. You can question I guess with curiosity to understand, but if you're just questioning with the motivation to downgrade what is going on, I think that's the wrong way to go about it, and she's so mad about it. So I get it. And I'm just hoping that things can come to peace at some point in time however direction, at least we need a moment where lives are not lost and people of the country are happy. That's the moment we want to have. And you being in the country right now at a time like this, I can't imagine because you've probably not been in the country when things like this were happening, you were on a distance. And as Mastercard Foundation Scholars and alumni who have been called [inaudible 00:58:04] leadership.

Njoki Mburu (00:58:04):

That part.

Angela Nantambi (00:58:05):

Who have been taught to community engagement, who have been taught impact, I think this time is so meaningful for us as the youth in Kenya, as the youth in our different countries where we are to rise up to the occasion and speak about things that we are not happy about, create change that we think needs to happen, And be a part of it because it's not going to be easy, but when you hear about revolutions that have happened in the past, it wasn't black and white, it was tough, but people had the will and the boldness to move through that discomfort.

Njoki Mburu (00:58:48):

And contribute in our own way, knowing that some people just don't want to be involved in political commenting or political analysis, but they have the means to start a donation fund to support kids or widows of those who have passed away because of this. Or even they're studying law and can contribute to helping break down the constitution of the country. But I think each of us has a role to play, and whether or not you are a fan of politics, you can do something. And honestly, we have been given the tools of that transformational leadership. We have received world-class education. We have very rich networks as Mastercard Foundation Scholars, not just financially rich. Knowledge rich, culturally rich. We have amazing networks. But I'm going to keep it honest, we also have the finances. This is not a lie.

(00:59:46):

We are given stipends, we have internships and placements, and fortunately many of us have had jobs or have jobs right now, and money can move stuff. It can move stuff. Especially when you think of the differences economically in terms of global currencies, currencies abroad in the us, Canada, whatever, versus our countries in Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, where are you putting your money to work?

Angela Nantambi (01:00:14):

That's a good question. That's a good question for the listener who is listening to us today, where are you putting your money to work? And we'll leave that to you. We'll leave that to you guys to answer. But as we come to the end, as we conclude our conversation around reverse culture shock, moving back, when you think about your journey so far, has there been any funny moments that you're like, "Ah, wow. Yeah, I am really back home and now things are really starting to get so real."? I think you earlier mentioned that the moment you had with your pastor, the accent, has there been a moment? And I know right now, usually for me, when I move back home, the one thing that keeps me off guard, funny one, is the food. When I taste the food of my homeland, my taste buds appreciate, my body gets big. My entire digestive system is thankful.

Njoki Mburu (01:01:26):

I am finished. Oh my goodness.

Angela Nantambi (01:01:29):

I'm like, "I'm in heaven."

Njoki Mburu (01:01:31):

No, you are.

Angela Nantambi (01:01:32):

Because he food tastes different. And when you move away from home, right now, I'm in the US and the food tastes different. There's something about the eggs that is a bit off.

Njoki Mburu (01:01:46):

Girl, we both know those eggs are not real. I have seen powder becoming eggs. I was like, "What is happening in the kitchen?"

Angela Nantambi (01:01:54):

What is happening? The meat, I don't feel the flavor. I don't trust the flavors of my home, the food that I'm used to. So one thing that I definitely, when I go back home, and one thing that pushes this urge for me to book that ticket and go home is the food, because I want my taste buds to get excited again, because the food just is [inaudible 01:02:19].

Njoki Mburu (01:02:18):

It's not giving. Ooh, wee. Yo, I can corroborate and support that story because, no, the food, it works different parts of your body. The intestine even gets shook. You're like, "Girl, is that fiber? Is that fiber?" No, but the funny moment, I think it's an ongoing funny moment, for me it's just, first of all, I just have to say I love Kenyans. I genuinely think we are funny. The humor in this country keeps us afloat. Even as the political climate is what it is right now, you just listened to some things and you're like, "Did they just say that? Did they? Are you serious right now?" But for me, what I found really funny is we have this habit of just watching people very obviously, we stare and it's just normal. So you could be staring at the most boring things.

(01:03:36):

It could be someone who's coming to fix the electrical and they climb a ladder and they're outside the building, I'm telling you, there will be either five people just sitting like this, just looking at them until they're done with the job, until the job is done, guys. I'm like, "Why do we do that?" It's been so helpful to just help me slow down, because I'm always like, "Okay, so what's next? What's next?" But me watching the people that are watching others, I said, "Wow, they can just..>" Sometimes, yeah, they're waiting for maybe a customer. They're a driver of a piki piki or a boda-boda, the motorcycles, and they're just chilling, waiting for customers. But it's the kind of stare that it just is so integral, people look at you, they give you the up down, and they talk to you with their eyes and you're like, "Why are you giving me the up down? What have I done to you, ma'am? I was just walking." And especially the aunties, you put on a certain kind of jeans, yo.

Angela Nantambi (01:04:35):

You're not going to take your short skirts, your short jeans.

Njoki Mburu (01:04:42):

Those jeans will not be out. No, you will wear them indoors next time, because the aunties, the way they look at [inaudible 01:04:51] say, "Wow, the audacity." But I honestly, genuinely the humor of Kenyans, the way that they just say things without saying things, they say things with their eyes, fun and beautiful. It's beautiful.

Angela Nantambi (01:05:07):

Wow. Amazing. Wow. I'm glad you can at least find these funny little moments in your day to day, at least as you're navigating this journey of moving back home and this is what make the entire experience wholesome regardless of what's happening around you, and for the country especially, it's a heavy time, but once you find some pockets of joy in these little moments I think it counts for something. So for someone who's thinking about moving back home, preparing to move back home, or currently at the airport listening to this podcast on their way back home, what would you advise them as they're preparing to come back?

Njoki Mburu (01:05:57):

Wow. First of all, I don't know if you're thinking this, but I just want to tell you and affirm that you are not a failure, and the decision is not an evidence that you have failed at anything. This is a story that you are rewriting. It is a part of the journey. It is just a new chapter. It might not have been a full voluntary move. Maybe it was voluntary. Whatever the case is, I just hope this person that is listening to this or is considering the move or is doing the move in real time, I really hope that they give themselves the honor of appreciating the time that they have given away from their family, the sacrifices that they have made away from the people that they call family, and I hope they also allow themselves to grieve that which they're leaving behind, including the version of themselves that is alive outside of their home.

(01:07:12):

And I pray that when they're coming back home, they will allow themselves to surprise themselves, because we might an idea of this is how I am. When we come back home and like, "Well, this is what I've become now," but that is a dangerous place to be because it is static and rigid. We are made for ongoing change and transformation. As we know that as Mastercard Foundation Scholars, we are made for transformation. So I hope that whomever is considering the move and whomever is back, whoever is already coming on the way, who's in the airport coming back will give themselves permission to be surprised by who they become.

Angela Nantambi (01:07:57):

Wow, that was so good. Fantastic. And it's a message for me as well as I think about moving back at some point in time, this podcast I'll keep coming back to, because I need to hear these laughters and these wise words you just shared with us.

Njoki Mburu (01:08:15):

Thank you.

Angela Nantambi (01:08:18):

Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Njoki, for joining me today and sharing your story and your insights about coming home. And for anyone listening today, I hope you had a good laugh and picked up a good lesson for you about what it means to move back home.

Njoki Mburu (01:08:36):

Yes.

Angela Nantambi (01:08:37):

Until next time, I'm your host, Angela Nantambi, and I'll see you in the next episode of Turning Points.

Njoki Mburu (01:08:45):

Thank you. Thank you, Angela.

Angela Nantambi (01:08:48):

That was fantastic.

Njoki Mburu (01:08:49):

We did it. Let me stop this...