Influential Introvert: Communication Coaching for Professionals with Performance Anxiety
The Influential Introvert: A podcast for professionals with performance anxiety. If you’re a business owner or leader who wants to speak confidently in front of a room, online, and in social situations without becoming a sweaty, stressed out mess, follow this show.
Learn the essential verbal and non-verbal skills necessary to elevate your presence and charisma and capture people’s attention. Equally important, you’ll learn to manage your mind and body so you feel less anxious and more confident speaking up, being decisive, and connecting with others.
Influential Introvert: Communication Coaching for Professionals with Performance Anxiety
I Cried During a Knitting Lesson
I cried in my first knitting class and I didn’t know why – it’s not like I’m emotionally invested in making potholders out of yarn.
In this episode, I explore the quiet pressure we put on ourselves without realizing it, and how we can give ourselves more grace.
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I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. My work is about helping people like you share your voice, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun.
As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.
If you're ready to stop procrastinating so you can live the life you truly want – let’s talk.
Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot?
I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.
Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.
I'm sitting in an artist's studio surrounded by emerald and indigo yarn. This is my first knitting lesson. My teacher, who has been knitting since childhood, now weaves her own yarn and dyes it with pigment that she makes from logwood and mugwort and other natural materials. In other words, she's a pro. As she demos a knit stitch, I try to follow along, but my fingers fumble with the bamboo needles. My mind is all over the place, and I ask her to show me again. Am I the worst student you've ever had? I joke. Women are so hard on themselves, she says, calling themselves useless. I've been in enough therapy to know that we need to have compassion for ourselves. And then my tears well up. I don't think I've ever thought I was useless, and I'm not that hard on myself, so I don't understand where this emotion is coming from. Oh, my teacher says, I don't think I've ever made a student cry before. She hands me a tissue. I'm just very moved by your words. What a compassionate thing for you to say about people. And that's part of the reason I'm crying. But there's something else my body is responding to, and I am not sure what. There is something under the surface. I don't know about you, but once in a blue moon, somebody will say something that sparks tears in my eyes, and I have to sit with it for a little bit to understand where they came from. Because one moment I was feeling fine, and then all of a sudden a few words really just bring something up that I didn't realize was there, and that's what's going on for me right now. The rest of the session is a little awkward as I try to demonstrate I am not someone who cries about yarn. Though on this day, my emotional stability is as shaky as my knit stitch. Later, when I share the story with a friend over tea, I start crying again. Maybe we're just not good at crafts, she says, lightening the mood. Remember last year when we went to that origami Christmas tree workshop? And then we both cannot stop laughing. Because it's true, I was rubbish. Maybe I am craft dyslexic. It does take longer for my mind and my hands to find harmony. And that's fine. I'm all about growth mindset. So in that knitting workshop, I wasn't crying about my beginner skills. It didn't bother me at all that I was not a great knitter. I hadn't even given knitting any thought at all until a week prior when I heard a woman say that the company Shine or Shane or however you say it, this company stole her sweater pattern, and I thought, oh, that's a cool design. I'll buy that pattern, support her, and I'll learn to knit. And as a little aside, I was sharing the story with a friend of mine from my Brooklyn days, and she said, Oh, I can't believe you did not learn to knit years ago. I thought that was a requirement in your neighborhood. But no, I'm starting now. I like to do things way later than when they were fashionable. Like I really started to get into poison and other hairbands, like 20 years after they were the most popular. So back to the knitting workshop. Again, I wasn't crying because I wasn't a good knitter. And after reflecting, here's what I think those tears were trying to tell me. And this is a bit of a personal story, but for years I have been managing some health issues, and they have left me chronically tired. And lately I have been on a hormonal roller coaster, and here's a little too much information, but I've been having my period for more than a month now, and yes, I've seen a doctor. But of course, whatever impacts your body impacts your mental state. So that was one reason for the tears, but it wasn't just biology that was bothering me. I think it's this. I have really tried to take care of myself. I cook healthy meals, I go to the gym, I avoid sugar, I barely touch alcohol, I go to bed at a reasonable hour. I have optimized my health in all the ways I know how. And it is still not enough. And as I was writing this episode, I was tearing up because I think part of me was holding on to this belief that things should be different, that if I just try hard enough, I can change things. And sometimes you can do your best and it still won't work out the way you want it to. And so that's what I need to release. And maybe you do too. Is there something that you want to be different, but that is not in your control? Are you blaming yourself for something that is not your fault? Even if you don't have a loud inner critic, and I don't think I have a loud inner critic, maybe you're still quietly pressuring yourself in some way, or holding on to disappointment, or grieving the gap between your effort and the outcome you're getting. What would life be like if you could loosen your grip on wanting to fix what cannot be fixed, at least for now? This is stoic acceptance, and it doesn't mean being passive or that you stop putting effort into what you can change. It does mean accepting the reality of the moment instead of fighting it. I will continue to live a healthy lifestyle, and it's actually a lifestyle that I like living, and I will continue to seek out competent medical care, and I can honor this process regardless of the result. And while I wouldn't choose what's happening to me, these health issues, I am grateful for the compassion it's given me and for the perspective it's opened around what other people might be going through. For example, there is a debate about weight loss injections. Some people say these drugs are cheating, that people should eat less, they should work out more, practice discipline. What if they were already doing those things and it still wasn't enough? So I try to make positive assumptions about people to give them the benefit of the doubt. Giving grace to other people feels wonderful. And we also need to remember to give grace to ourselves. That's all for now. Thank you for listening and have a beautiful week wherever you are.