Learnings and Missteps

How to Clear the Chaos (and Your Mind) with Melissa Stecher

• Kaelalosey • Season 3

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Jesse interviews Melissa Stecher, founder of Hopeful Simplicity, discussing her 3S method designed to help busy moms declutter and organize their spaces for a more peaceful lifestyle. Melissa explains the importance of aligning organizational styles with personal and family needs, the emotional aspect of letting go of clutter, and the benefits of a supportive community. They explore the balance between visual and non-visual organizing, macro and micro systems, and the impact of these methods on family dynamics and personal well-being.


00:00 Introduction to Overwhelmed Lifestyles

00:30 Meet Melissa Stecher: Founder of Hopeful Simplicity
01:52 The Three S Method Explained
03:50 The Importance of Sustainable Organization
07:47 From Cleaning Products to Organizing Business
10:05 Adapting to Lifestyle Changes
19:40 Community and One-on-One Coaching
27:53 Impact of Organization on Personal Relationships
28:54 Understanding Personal Organization Styles
30:13 Teaching Organization to Children
31:20 The Obsession with Organization
33:32 Adapting Business to Organizational Needs
36:14 Feeling and Frameworks in Organization
45:11 Simplifying and Decluttering
51:32 The Promise of Better Organization

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SPEAKER_00:

If you want your lifestyle to be overwhelmed, resentful, pissed off, angry, because you have to follow the kids around and put their toys away, or you have to follow your partner away and put the freaking shoes where they go, or you have to be the problem solver, great. That's your choice. If you want your lifestyle to look a little calmer, a little hopeful, yeah, yeah, then it's an on-board home team.

SPEAKER_01:

What is going on, LM family? I'm like super excited because I get to interview a super awesome friend of mine that man, we connected way back when like Clubhouse was a thing. She is the founder of Hopeful Simplicity. She helps busy women organize their spaces and makes organization feel doable with her 3S method, which of course we're going to learn a little bit about this 3S method. My friend's name is Melissa Stetcher, who is the coolest person that I get to hang out with on the regular. And I'm sure you're going to fall in love with her. But before we get to learn more about that, if this is your first time here, you're listening to the Learnins and Missteps podcast, where amazing people just like you tell us how they are sharing their gifts and talents to leave this world better than they found it. I'm Jesse, your selfish servant, and we about to get to know Miss Melissa. Miss Melissa, how are you doing, my sister?

SPEAKER_00:

We did it. We're here. I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_01:

We too, we too, especially. We got time zones crossed up and we rescheduling, but the stars have aligned, and here we are. So the world wants to know, Melissa. What is this 3S method?

SPEAKER_00:

It is the method I created for okay. So it's the method I created because busy moms like me. I can walk into a room and be like, sure, I'm gonna declutter. That's it. But the 3S method tells you exactly what to do. So it's a method that simplifies the decluttering process, it simplifies the organizing process, but it hones into that really key factor of sustaining an organized life. And I think too often we're it's overwhelming. It's too much. Moms have decision fatigue and brain, like I don't even know 90% of the time. So I needed something to tell me exactly what to do. I don't want to make another decision, I don't want to have to figure it out. And if I'm gonna pull out my phone to figure it out, I'd much rather watch people hurt themselves or people fall downstairs or cute puppies. Yeah, and that's what the 3S method is. It's an organizing solution system method for busy moms to make it simplified.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so here's what I think I'm hearing because I don't have a problem with disorganized space at all. But what I'm hearing is some people walk into a space and it's just ah, it's not organized. And so then the question or angst and irritation and anxiety starts building because it's like, where do I start? And the 3S method, there's levels or layers in terms of how to start and then the next step, and then how to keep things organized because that's the issue, right? Is nothing ever just stays organized. Am I reading it right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, the sustainability part. So the 3S method, it's simplify, sustain.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

3D F in the method, and the sustainable part, it takes that delusion that we have of ourselves as organizing as one size fits all, but also, well, I got organized, it'll stay that way. But hi, we're living real lives, things are always coming in, things are always going out, we're going through phases and seasons of existence, so we need to just stop pretending once we get it done, it'll be done because it's just not reality.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so what keeps us from just leaving it as it is? Well, have to be organized.

SPEAKER_00:

Hang on, I'm channeling my appropriate wording for this because moms are the central hubs of most homes, right? I'm not belittling dads, I'm not saying men don't do that, I'm whatever. But when do I have an appointment? Do is my uniform clean? Have you seen my keys? Do we pack the lunches? Who's the kid's teacher? No. And so if we are stressed out by all the decisions we're already making, and then we have clutter sitting around, that's a layer of visual overwhelm that we already don't know. So visual clutter leads to mental clutter. We don't have room for any more crap in our heads. So if the house is organized, if the house is calm, it's one thing taken away out of our overload, out of our overwhelm, and then maybe hopefully one step closer to a little less stressed and a little less resentful and a lot less angry.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, I like that. I can get on board with that. So, this method is this something that you go hiking in the Himalayas and find ancient transcript of the 3S method, or is how did you come across this way of organizing and sustaining the organization, organized space?

SPEAKER_00:

That would be dope, wouldn't it? Like long as where the Moanas of the next generation are going into some cave, bang on a boat thing, and then 3S method just happens to chime out. That would be so dope. I won't be here for it, but that's okay. So it I think part of it stemmed from it's really broken down, I think, is chapter five of the first book as the why. Why do you have to declutter? Okay, but why do you have to know what to declutter? Okay, but why do you have to organize? Okay, but what do you organize? And I'm like, I don't, I don't know. And then I read this really neat book by my friend Jesse. I don't have my plumber's edition anymore, but I do have a newer edition, and he talks about methods and breaks it down and gives me things to step in. So honing the 5S thing, I think it's 5S. Yeah, and then I need something simplified like that. What would make sense to me? Ah, assuming the world starts and stops just like I think. All right. So I need clarity, and I will ask the questions until I am blue and purple on the face. I will.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I need to understand. And if I don't understand, that means maybe someone else doesn't understand.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

That's kind of how that came about is why? Okay, but why? Okay, but why? Okay, but more. And then I got it as simplified as I could get it simplified.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. Okay, and so now you have so you got the 3S method, you're helping busy women, moms, like women, all of the above, organize their spaces. You have hopeful simplicity, you have a community. Like, was this your vision as a young lady when you were roller? I want to help people organize.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, my vision was I was going to do Disney voiceovers and sing a lot.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, okay. I like that.

SPEAKER_00:

And here we are. So it actually, so this came about even before Hopeful Simplicity did. I rebranded when organizing kind of took over the business. It started with cleaning products and homemade products, and I need to not have to hold my breath when cleaning that kind of manifested and shifted and rebranded into an organizing business because I came to the realization that cleaning was just part of it. That's just the last part and the minor detail of it. That's over the decade, it kind of became this, it's an organizing business.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

It was never a childhood thing. And I was, I mean, I was one of those kids that had a path from the door to the bed.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, me too.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I am still some of those sometimes like that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So okay, so you mentioned that like the business started off. I think there's an important point here because I know we've got a lot of LM family members out there that are like side hustling or trying to launch an idea. So it started off with like it sounded like household cleaning products, homemade hyper cleaning methods, and then it turned into what is now Gris method and organization. So here's the question: how hard was it for you to like let go of what you originally thought it needed to be and transition to what it is now?

SPEAKER_00:

It was more emotional than I thought it would be.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

Because I had products and shops here locally. I did fairs and festivals and winter markets and things like that. Now, the introvert in me was like, Woo, stay home. But the business part of me is but I can help people and I'm I can talk to people and I can, and then you know, a pandemic hit, and I'm like, that's gone.

SPEAKER_02:

That's done.

SPEAKER_00:

Forget that. And so that I think the pandemic personally helped me release it by force instead of have to. And then a friend came to visit before social distancing, and I happen to be living with somebody, and we had a couple kids staying with us, and we were meal planning and meal prepping, and we were doing it together.

SPEAKER_01:

We want to do the LM family member shout out, and this one goes out to Mr. Clyde. Mr. Clyde sent this, he says, I'm juggling construction work, coaching, and family, and this helped me calm the chaos in my head. And what's he talking about? He's talking about the self-first time mastery workshop. So, first, Clyde, thank you for like taking the time to sign up and then coming to the session and contributing. And I'm super happy that it contributed to you in a big way. And folks, for the rest of you out there that are listening, if you don't know, I gotta tell you, I love attention, I love knowing that you're out there. So send me a comment, leave a review, do the stars, all of the things, because it gives me an opportunity to shout you out again in the future.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm kind of a lot, right? Like, I'm like, I'm not doing this, or nobody's eating. Like, we're doing this, or I don't care. And she's she asked me later, she's like, but how did you do that? I'm like, how did I how did I do what she's you guys communicated? He looked at the list, you looked at the list, you looked in the pantry, he looked in the fridge, you made it all work in this planner for the week. How did you do that? And then I was just like, Oh, this is beyond products, this is a lifestyle choice, this is a home management option, this is beyond who runs the vacuum. And that really opened up my eyes to rebrand in a way and reformat the business to better serve what really needs to happen. You can go to the supermarket and buy cleaning product, it may or may not make you sneeze, you may or may not like the smell, but until you can brace a lifestyle that actually fits, yeah, that's the difference.

SPEAKER_01:

So, and you're saying lifestyle, what I'm hearing when you say a lifestyle that fits, what I'm hearing is like a method or a thinking mental models that help do the organization as a singular individual or as with roommates, with a husband, with kids, like all of the above. Is that what I'm hearing?

SPEAKER_00:

It's so when I say lifestyle, I mean what do you want the style of your life to be? If you share a house, people are gonna be in it. Yes, it is what it is. So if you want your lifestyle to be overwhelmed, resentful, pissed off, angry, because you have to follow the kids around and put their toys away, or you have to follow your partner away and put the freaking shoes where they go, or you have to be the problem solver, great, that's your choice. If you want your lifestyle to look a little calmer, a little hopeful, yeah, yeah, then it's an onboard home team, home office even situation because you don't want to carry that to the office, you don't want to get home from the office and be like, no, I'm not going in there.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's what I mean by lifestyle. It's no different than our family's gonna eat healthier, so we're going to cook meals that we all like, we're all gonna do this. It's no different, it's just a new way of thinking about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, now in the line of style lifestyle, I've seen some of your posts on the Instagram and on the LinkedIn because you're active. And I remember seeing some posts about organizational styles. What is that?

SPEAKER_00:

That is knowing you. You, you're selfish, you love you. Who doesn't? I do. It's knowing what works best for you. So there's four styles generally, and you'll hear it across different organizing people, right? Pick the one that fits your flavor, but it's knowing visual, non-visual. My office setup, I love these things, so they're visually out. The things I don't love are non-visually set up. You know what you don't see? You don't see a whole bunch of paper, you don't see a whole bunch of notebooks, you don't see all my office supplies, all my files. All of those are non-visual setups. Same with macro and micro. I live with a 17-year-old boy. There is no way in 40 flipping universe am I going to get him to open a container, even if it takes the lid off, put something in it, and put the lid back. It's never going to happen. I know this because it is his organizing style. If it's not put away hard and fast, it's not getting put away like mom wants it. So the spaces we share, the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom are very set up for one-step put away, which is a macro organizing system. My office, my sock drawer, my closet, set up how I need it to be a very micro system, which is a one-step finding thing. If I have to look for it, dig for it, or search for it, I am pissed off. About to be stressed out by the time I've even find the shirt I want to wear in the morning.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I feel that in all kinds of ways. Because I've similarly like I know where I put things. I exam, when I go visit my mom, sometimes I typically leave my keys in my pocket. But sometimes I'll take them out to unlock the door or whatever. And if they're not in my pocket, it's all shit. That's where they go. Or when I'm home, I put them on the thing. I live alone, so nobody moves my stuff. But I've lived with other people, and when they move things from where I put them, like that is not okay. That is a problem.

SPEAKER_00:

But it's also important to know what's going to work for the space people you're sharing things with, right? I know I can have the best system in place, but if it's not gonna work for him, it's not the right system, right? So if it's a shared space, all the movies and DVDs and video games could be color coordinated, organized by how you play it, who plays it, all the things. It's never gonna put back by that. So I have to set it up for the least argumentative situation. So if you're organizing with more than one person, we always lean for visual organizing.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So the pantry door might be solid, but you're gonna open the pantry door, all the clear containers are inside, so you can see exactly what's in there when you need it, because it's easier for somebody to see where it goes instead of find where it goes because it's not gonna happen. And it's the same for macro versus micro. It's easier to take steps away from me and my want to take a lid off, and there's this inside the this where I can just drop stuff, done, right? Put away. He can he, I'm not saying he can't, but I'm saying he's less likely to succeed if I add steps to his process.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Got it. Okay, so I'm curious, like this micro and macro thing sounds like. I mean, obviously, you gave your example where you can function within both methods, and maybe there it's appropriate in some cases and not in other cases, depending on the thing. What's ringing in my head is helping couples or mom and kids stop arguing over dumb shit.

SPEAKER_00:

Am I yes? Yeah, and I will be the first to admit my way's the right way. Why aren't you just on board? Has come out of my mouth in more angry tones than I was like my brain at first cannot have it's like, why can't they just what just put it where it goes? Just it it goes there, yeah. It took me the longest time to let go of that control. Ow. It hurts a little still, but to realize, oh, I put the hurdle at six feet and they're only three. I've got to stop thinking they're actually going to use 17 beautifully color-coordinated labeled toy boxes that are all stackable and how they work in my brain. And Pinterest told me it's perfect. That's cute. That's your choice, that's your lifestyle choice, though, right? It can be Pinterest perfect, but you're choosing to be the one to make it like that every day. And then don't be when you're like, Why can't my kids just because it's not set up for them? They're over here going, You want me to pick up my toys? I need it to be like done.

SPEAKER_01:

Give me a bucket, let me throw all my crap in there, I'm good. Yeah, so like the community element of your offerings, how much of that is counseling around you need more control, right? Like, just you need this, isn't just about you.

SPEAKER_00:

I will say that I have and I have it in multiple places because I think it does. I am not a I am not a licensed therapist.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I am not. I am kind of an a-hole.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And so the community, so we have a couple communities. The monthly membership is really like where I'm I show up. It is not always kind, it's always kind, but sometimes it's that's cute. But you said that last month. What are we doing now with the same pile of same excuses? And so that's I forgot what your question was, but you're gonna be straight. So, yeah, no, it's not mental health because that's not I don't have those letters behind my name. Yeah, if you sign up for the monthly membership and join us every month, I'm not the only one that may or may not be like, that's not gonna work. That's dumb. Get rid of it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Take steps, take action, stop whining. If you want to whine, there's another number to call.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, yeah. But I also on the same side, one of my one of my clients now, she's in the membership group. I absolutely adore her to pieces. Yeah, I didn't ask ahead of time to share her name, so I won't, but you'll see you've probably seen her in clips. She's left reviews and stuff. And when we first met, I refused to work with her one-on-one because she was living like a hoarder. There was not getting from room to room safely, more or less, right? There was step over this, go over that, and go over a couple years later. She reached out, she's I have gotten the mental help I need. What can we do? And so now I see her every month and we talk regularly and we email when she's uh wants to email. And those are like, I know my boundaries, but if you aren't taking the mental health status to get to workable, that's well beyond my abilities.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. Okay, so you have an online monthly calls for the community and you do one-on-one coaching. Yeah, okay. I'm really curious about this one-on-one, not because I I need it, like I'm fine with my disaster. I know where everything is, it's good. But I'm just curious, what is that one-on-one? Let me ask it this way. When you decided to do one-on-one call coaching, what did you think that was gonna look like compared to what it actually looks like?

SPEAKER_00:

I thought it would look like show me your room, let's shop on Amazon together. Here, put these on. I'll see you next week. What it actually looks like is, and it is probably not the best business financial choice. There often looks to me going from the first time, okay. I think you need to take a step back and join the monthly group. Not a monthly group, it's a cheaper option, but when you get a group of women in the various ages and phases of life, so much more can happen. And I think I can't personally relate to my kids are growing out of the house. Now, I can help you organize that. I have read the books, I've done the homework, I've done all that stuff to help, but there's just an energy, and I don't even know how to explain it. Yeah, energy, I think, is the best word that says join us every month.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Bonus, save yourself money. And I'm not saying I won't continue to work with people one-on-one, but I just mental health, accountability, all of those, you get those from people.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And you never know what other people will be like bringing to the table.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you get to kind of pick up, pick and choose. Oh, that sounded good, or oh, the way you think about it, the way you said it makes sense to me now.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And I can go and run with it. So then the one-on-one, like, what is the purpose of the one-on-one? Is it like, do I call you up and you tell my and I turn my camera around and I say, okay, look in my room, tell me what to do.

SPEAKER_00:

Kind of. So the one-on-one, if we've not worked together, I will vet you beforehand. I run into that situation, like, no, but I will normally it starts with show me a space that doesn't make you angry. Show me a space that you think works.

SPEAKER_01:

Ah.

SPEAKER_00:

And then we die, oh, I see that junk drawer works for you, Jesse, because you have containers inside, which to me means you're a microorganizer. So your pajama drawer is probably not working because you haven't folded anything, you haven't separated the tops and bottoms, and that's probably why it's leading to frustration.

SPEAKER_01:

Got it. So you can diagnose based on show me what works and show me what doesn't. Because most of us aren't aware or thinking in those frameworks. It's just this works and this one doesn't. I don't know what the deal is.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Man, also if you're one-on-one, it's less scary than one-on-four. Like I know everyone in the group, right?

SPEAKER_01:

You might because this is a there's like a level, an um an intense level of vulnerability here for you to be seeing like all my mess.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. It's scary to open the front door to a stranger.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, unless you're in the hood and then you're just ready to go. But it can be scary, and especially if you're used to people judging you. I have no judgment.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

If I had judgment, we probably wouldn't talk. Honestly, because my face will say it, so I know I'm not gonna judge you.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But I do know that's scary. And then we get in our own heads. I know too many women that are like, oh, I oh, I gotta go clean the house before the house cleaner comes over. Wait. What?

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think that's in our oh, I gotta go tidy up before the organizer comes over.

SPEAKER_01:

That's what they're here for.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So I I can imagine that this is super helpful to people because I mean, I'm just thinking about my mom and all my exes that would lose their mind because they wanted me to do stuff a certain way, and I'm like, I don't understand what the issue is. Yeah, I really don't understand. It's not that I don't care, it's that I don't understand, and all I'm understanding is I'm doing it wrong. I can't do anything with that. So the framework or the styles, right? Micro, macro, visual, non-visual, those make total sense to me. Like, I I still swear, I need me a glass door refrigerator. That would be like the ultimate, so that I could see what's in there, and I never double order groceries and I never run out of anything because I could see everything. Like, I gotta that's the majority of the way I organize. Now, there's some things where I'll have like little compartment, like for my backpack when I'm traveling with all my camera gear and stuff. Like, I have it very right. There's a space, and I've got what do you call them? Shadow boards for like my remotes and jump drives and as portable, what do they call them? Hard drives. Portable hard drives. I got them nice and organized because I got to be able to see them. They go in their place. And right, so there's I under like I never would have given it, I couldn't label it before, but I do understand. Okay, super visual, and there is some, I do have some micro tendencies, but with the for important things that I'm gonna be touching frequently. For things that I'm not gonna touch, I'm sorry, for things that I'm gonna be touching infrequently, I'm kind of micro. For stuff that I touch all the time, like my clothes and this sort of thing, I'm macro, man. Just dump it on a box and I'm good. Whatever. And so giving it like I guess what I'm trying to say is knowing these styles or this framework, I think helps people. Do any of your coaches, the ones one-on-ones or the community group, do any of them feel like, man, we're not I'm not fighting with the kids anymore, I'm not fighting with my significant other anymore. Does it have that kind of impact on them?

SPEAKER_00:

You have to ask them, Doug. You have to join us next month to ask them. I think it more has I think it has a bigger impact on the person in it. So let me explain this because what you were just saying is thank God we don't live together. But what I actually heard was, and you and I are very similar in this, I am a general categories, I am a non-visual microorganizer. I don't want to see my stuff all the time, I want to find it in one step. Productive-wise, I have to see everything I need. Period. I will go to that closet, I will grab my podcast bucket, which has my headphones, has my microphone, normally has a spare notebook. Because if I don't have it all in one thing, out ready to go, that's it. It's not happening. So I think the realization of it may, I'm sure it does impact the relationships of the house, right? Like I know it has here, I'm sure it has with me and my son, even though he's he's very much like me, so it just kind of works. But I think it more impacts our relationships with our health, with ourselves, with our own mental abilities of like, why isn't this working? Oh, because it's not set up for yourself, right? Like, why is a wall full of sticky notes to-do list not working? Oh, because I don't want to see it all. Uh, this is not set up for my success. Why folding the sheets by set isn't working? Oh, because I just want to grab a flat one when I change the bedding and be done with it. Yes, and I think that overall, once you get clearer with yourself, once you get, hey self, why isn't this working? Then that outwardly can impact the relationships in the home or in the office. I think that just has a natural occurrence. But then also, if you've got littles or if you've got a you, if you and I shared a space, I'd be like, Like, okay, but why is it not working? Oh, because you're not a visual person. What the hell do you have everything on the board for, dummy? Yeah. Right? So, but you wouldn't talk to your kids like that. You're like, okay, but let's break it down. I'll never forget teaching my son to take over his laundry. Because I had to put on an eight-year-old boy's hat. I've never been an eight-year-old boy.

unknown:

I don't know what that.

SPEAKER_00:

And the conversation was like, this is the outcome, but I don't want to do your laundry, and I don't want you to call me from college. And I really don't want to touch a teenage boy's clothes. How do we get from here where I'm angry and resentful and confused to here and dialing it back? Okay, oh, you need a no-fold system. Let's start with that. Let's switch that out. Oh, you need something visually marked on the washer on where to turn the dial. Let's go with that. Oh, you need a reminder on the calendar in the kitchen. Today is your day. Let's do that. And I think getting used to yourself helps you communicate with those you share spaces with to make systems work for everybody.

SPEAKER_01:

Got okay. So what's I mean, clearly, here's what's amazing is like hearing you talk about it to the level of granularity and understanding is this is a thing. With all the stuff that we have to deal with in the world, in our all our independent world, but in your world specifically, what was it about an organization that just intrigued you so much for you to spend the amount of time necessary to get as clear as you are about what it means and how to do it?

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, say it again.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Like, why do you obsess about organization? Obsess? What? Well, I say that because I think for me, obsess is it's a positive term because there's things that I understand to a degree. I mean, you've gone through the time management thing, like there's layers and layers of psychosis in there because it's something that I obsess about. It's I spend enormous amounts of time thinking about it, doing it, analyzing why it works, analyzing why it doesn't work, tweaking and adjusting. And so that's what I mean by obsessed. Like, it's just consume my mind to understand it better, not just for my own application, but also so that I could help other people with it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So I think obsessed because if the door is open, I have to close it. That's so earlier. Honestly, in a simple way, I didn't like who I was when we weren't. Ah, I was I can be a lot, but deep down, like once you get to know me, that a lot is let's go together. What can we do? All the boats rise, how can I help? That's the kind of energy I really bring. But if you don't know me, you don't it can be like, whoa, yeah. Oh no, but I was just tired of I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of being resentful, angry, and being asked questions.

SPEAKER_01:

And so that drove you to okay, let me understand this. And then the pandemic hit, and so I gotta shift my business. I'm I can help people with this. And so here's a curious thing, and I'm gonna ask it this way because like I started my business just over three and a half years ago, and I had an idea of what I was gonna be doing and what it was gonna look like, and all those things. Well, fast forward three years, and it is very different than what I wanted, what I thought I was gonna be doing, and that's mostly informed by the people that reach out to me based on what I put out there for them to see. In terms like you said, okay, I gotta switch over to this organization thing. What did those conversations sound like back then compared to the evolution to now?

SPEAKER_00:

It was a lot more me asking the questions and me really breaking it down to understand what the need was. My need for home living is very different than yours, but it's very different than over there, and really honing in on the okay, but how do you want this room to feel when you walk into it? And then back stepping, okay, where are we and how do we get there? Yeah, and that really that I think really encouraged it. Like when that mom asks me, okay, but how did you do that? It really hit me like, duh, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_02:

Like, just do it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you just do it. You have the argument, you get pissed off about dinner, and then it just happens. I mean, it's really duh. You yell at somebody and then they don't want you to yell at them again, and of course, you're gonna like fix it. But I realize it's not easy, right? I have no problems asking questions. I have no problem sometimes being okay, this is not working. And if you don't want me to come home from work tomorrow and scream at you again, we need to do, we need to do something about it. Not me needing to solve it. People are scared of having hard conversations with their families, with their husbands, with their spouses, with their partners, whatever. Oh, they'll never just okay, hold my beer. Yeah, don't tell me we'll never.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, I'm so proud of you and your sober journey, by the way.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, but I think I love a good challenge. And I like learning and reading and trying things out and solving that puzzle.

SPEAKER_01:

It's just yeah, I really well. Here's the other interesting thing. Like, you've got these frameworks that obviously work because I mean, hell, I can make sense of them. And it sounds like your first interaction, like those discovery calls or whatever, are more about feeling. So, like, there's the feeling part than then helps you connect the different kinds of frameworks or we'll say prescription to helping people make organization feel doable. Um what and I'm I maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like that was obvious from the beginning. It's a matter of feeling that then is the trigger that informs, okay, I don't want to feel like this anymore. If I want to feel different, we got to do something different. And you have the framework to help people get there.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's breaking down, and it's multiple layers of feeling, right? I don't want to feel resentful, but I also want my kitchen to feel inviting and productive.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So how do we blend that? And then once I set it up, and then it's like, okay, mom's tired of cooking every night. How are we gonna get them to start taking over? Oh, how are we also going to get them to start doing the dishes? And then it's slowly adding to that final goal, that final feeling. If you come to my house, I want you to probably not smell anything. My goal is to have no odor in my house. I know it's a weird thing, but I also want you to feel like I'm gonna kick off my shoes, fall on the couch, she'll bring me a glass of wine or a cup of coffee or a snack. Right. I want you to feel like yeah, some people want you to walk in and be like, cool, thank you for visiting by. And that also can tie into your okay. So let me ask you a question. Have you ever, I'm just gonna ask, I didn't even ask permission. Have you ever gone somewhere, maybe somebody else's house, and you're just like uncomfortable? Oh, yeah, yes, not just because they're unpleasant people, no, just because of the layout, the setup.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, hello organizing styles.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because if I go to somebody's house who's clean white surfaces, everything's pristine, I'm gonna feel like I'm not taking my shoes off, I'm not allowed to leave the mat. I'm gonna sit on the very edge of the chair and not touch anything. Yeah, if I walk into a house, there's some color, there's maybe some kids' stuff over there, you got a fuzzy blank. I'm like, oh, home.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. That's it's the feeling organizational style right there.

SPEAKER_00:

It's the feeling and understanding not only your goals and feelings, but how you want the space to serve you.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. Okay, well, so folks, there you go. You got it. You walk into somebody's space, and it feels like if you touch something, an alarm's gonna go off. There's an organizational style there. But if you got squishy, fluffy stuff and colors, and you know, that that's a different organizational style. So am I wrong? Like, I always thought I could just go to Lowe's or Amazon and buy organizational things, and then I would be organized.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, you're wrong.

SPEAKER_01:

So how many of so how many of the people that you help start there? Is it like that's where everybody starts?

SPEAKER_00:

That is a pet peeve. Okay, it's a backwards-looking pet peeve because we've all been there, right? Like the in cap tells you, the ad tells you this new year, new you. Let's get organized for life. No, but that's what the outside world tells us. But I'm gonna tell you right now, if you don't know your organizing style, in three, six months, you're gonna be super pissed that you just spent$6,600 on new containers that didn't fix the problem.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And now, bonus, the problem's back. You have clutter from extra freaking containers. Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I love it. I love it. This is a real life example, and I'm not like an organizer. I'm fine with clutter until it impacts production, right? Like my clothes. I won't fold or hang my clothes, clean clothes, until I have to dig like more than once. And I was like, okay, it's time to hang everything up because I came and I was looking for socks yesterday, I'm looking for socks again. There's 20 pairs in there, I just need to fold them and put them away. Like, I it's that's I'm that way. Now I'm gonna here's my excuse because I travel so much, so I'm fancy. Anyways, I was helping somebody set up the Christmas tree for Christmas, and the instructions were go to the attic and bring the Christmas stuff down. And I said, Okay. So I went to the attic, and guess what? I did not, it was not clear at all where the Christmas stuff was, because everything was up there, like the Halloween stuff, the Thanksgiving stuff, the Christmas stuff, the all the stuff. And I'm like, I don't know where anything is. So she says, okay, well, then let me show you. And now the tension is up. Okay, fine, let me show you. Like, whoa, whoa, hey, wait a minute this isn't a meeting, and then says, Okay, we're doing it. But in my brain, I'm like, we could be this is gonna take us four hours. It could be done in like less than two, but we can't do anything separate because I don't know where the things are. So fast forward, I said, hey, I got an idea. I'm gonna add some more square footage up in the attic, and I'm gonna just separate all the stuff and three piles Christmas pile, Thanksgiving pile, Halloween pile. And then we'll put some web over where the Halloween stuff is. That's visual, that's where the Halloween stuff is. We'll put a turkey feather or something where the Thanksgiving stuff is, and then like garland where the Christmas stuff is like, my God, that'll be amazing! And so we did that, which made the next Christmas more productive, or the setup of the tree more productive. My point in that is it doesn't bother me until it's starting to impact production. It also what caught my attention was the fact that we were not having fun because of the arrangement, and so that was really like this is a thing, we need to fix this. Now, I didn't go and guess what? There was a whole bunch of organizing bins and shelves and shit that was a separate pile because they didn't get used. I've been trying to do this for forever. I'm like, yeah, so in terms of just adding a Christmas pile or separating it into a Christmas corner of junk, a Thanksgiving corner of junk, and a Halloween corner of junk, does that qualify as organization? And is that like a visual style?

SPEAKER_00:

That's yes, and yes. Okay, because you need to okay, so and I will say I'm gonna go with she when you had to ask her where things were, she's like, I'll just do it my F and Cell.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, yep, you got it.

SPEAKER_00:

Because in in our brains, I'll just do it. It'll take me less time to do it myself than have to explain it to you, and then everybody's feelings are heightened, and I'm mad because you said you'd help.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

So you I'm sorry, you aren't special, those aren't your alone feelings. You're you share that with a lot of people, but the visual like labeling makes it visual. If you have something giant, colorful, obvious, then it's labeled, which makes it a visual opportunity. Now, were the bins clear or solid?

SPEAKER_01:

They were mixed, like so there was a set of clear and a set of solid, and like why are there two different kinds? Well, because right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So the the uh when you get container specific, yeah, if it's clear, it's visual, if it's solid, it's non-visual.

SPEAKER_01:

Got it.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, but if you put a big old label, bright, colorful, happy, obvious, preferably on three sides, top, front, and side, yeah, saying this is mini Christmas trees, brilliant. You've now enabled the visual organizer to achieve that finding ability. Yeah, so yes, all of the above.

SPEAKER_01:

All of the above. Got it, got it. Okay, now I don't want to spill the tea on the whole 3s method, but I know the first s is simplify.

unknown:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

What does that look like in practice?

SPEAKER_00:

So the definition of simplify, and I say definition because every month at the beginning of group, we cover a space. Okay, and so you have that constantly. When we simplify a space, we are decluttering anything that does not serve our current selves. We are not saving for the oh, I may get into that address one day, or oh, I really loved when the kids wore no current selves because we are not reading our books backwards, and we don't know that we're gonna make it till tomorrow. So it is the decluttering part of right now.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, okay. So LM family, if you didn't get that, it's decluttering for the current self, for the current condition, for who you are right now, not who you might be, who you aspire to be, who you remember you were. It's for right now. So what I'm interpreting is if I ain't gonna be using it this week, I need to be getting rid of it.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. No. You are pissing me off, sir. Because guess what? I'm not using my snow shovel this week, but I will in two months.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So it's current season of life. I give myself a six-month window because that's our rotation, right? September is all about the office. We're moving into garage and outdoor stuff next, and then better bath and six-month rotation. Okay, so if I am working in my closet, yes, and I have decluttered everything done. I put on and I'm like, oh, I'm still fat, I take it back off, right? It's not getting a hanger back, but at that time, September, I've done my closet. I'm probably gonna flip on my hangers. So in six months, if that thing I was about, it does not get to say again. A lot of the time, if you're I will, especially in monthly group, we encourage a okay, it can live here for now for now being the thing. It may get an expire box if you're emptying the kitchen. Yeah, you put it in the garage, in the attic, in the trunk of your car, whatever it is. And in six months, when you're checking back in with that space and your little bring bring bring goes off, the box has not been opened. Guess what you don't need.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So, no, not right. Well, I'm not using this today, I get to get rid of it. No, you cannot, but you do have to recognize and fully understand your current season and space of life.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, I love it because I just got rid of some shirts for that reason. Like they were 30 pound ago shirts, and I haven't worn them. I can't like when I butt the only good thing about those shirts is I don't have to iron them because when I put them on, I stretch out all the wrinkles, but they're a safety hazard because a button might pop off and shoot somebody in the eye. So I put them, I put them at the back of the closet. I said, Man, I'm gonna focus, I'm gonna work. It was a few weeks ago. I'm like, man, I gotta get rid of shirts. I'm just like, I ain't gonna be there, and they're like out of fashion, out of style. Just get rid of them. You have more important things to focus on. So I love that. I thank you for that explanation. Help people kind of understand that. So it sounds like I go in there for a season, yours is six months, and I imagine that's that can vary based on the person. Uh then there's a timeout or a trial segment. Okay, maybe not, but let's just put it over there. We'll check back in next time on the next cycle. And if it's still not relevant, not applicable, whatever, I get rid of it or not, and put it back into cycle, whatever that is.

SPEAKER_00:

Can I tell you why? Yes. That is yes, and it's a big, it's a big why for me. It's like we talked about early, that mental clutter. If I go to my closet and I see my skinny Melissa dress that I'm gonna get back into one day, every day I see that, I'm like, that's so fast. Oh if you would have kept those shirts, you'd be like, Oh, maybe tomorrow. I'm not working hard enough. You are working hard enough. You're in high school anymore.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's part of that mental clutter that we're just issuing on ourselves that we don't need.

SPEAKER_01:

Got it. So it's like keeping that is almost a form of abuse. Like I'm just flogging myself by keeping that front and center that adds to the stress, the mental clutter.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_01:

Damn. But you're not a therapist.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't get paid enough for that. My rates would be like, phew.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah. I know for a fact that this framework, this thinking is helpful, but it's like a lot of things, kind of like the book that you referenced earlier. I knew that was gonna help people, just not me. Oh my goodness. Okay, so are you ready for the grand slam closing question, Miss Melissa?

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, so yes. Because I'm an overthinker, so of course I've been listening, so I'm like, how can I answer this correctly? So I'm ready.

SPEAKER_01:

Good, and I know you're ready because I mean, you just told like your whole story of getting into organization, doing one-on-one coaching, helping people in your community, like it's clear that you are here to serve. And I mean, for real, you're like enhancing the quality of life for people, not just the people you work with, but the people in their space. And so, because of that, I know your answer is gonna be badass. So, here's the question What is the promise you are intended to be?

SPEAKER_00:

A Disney princess.

SPEAKER_01:

Mission accomplished.

SPEAKER_00:

I could not screw with that.

SPEAKER_02:

That was good.

SPEAKER_00:

I think, I don't think, I promise to be better tomorrow than I am yesterday in the ship that we are. So we are friends, we are entrepreneurs, we are sometimes sassastic question, let's rise together ship. So I promise to call you out on the bullshit when you question yourself to help you grow as an entrepreneur, but also promise to be an arrow of a friend when you need it. Damn, I promise myself to continue working on going to the grave empty. I promise my community to meet me where you are, to oh, you need something that's under 10 bucks here. Oh, you need accountability here. You need me to understand your situation better, I'll get back with you. I promise my son that good luck, I'll save some back for your future therapy. You are covered in character, but also it's a safe space. Yeah, I promise my bestie. Okay, do you need a shovel, a fire pit, a ride? Like what however you need me to show up, I promise to show up how you need me to the best of my abilities on the day you call.

SPEAKER_01:

Damn, mic drop.

SPEAKER_00:

Did you have does that count?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my god, you freaking rocked it, sister. Well done. Was this fun, Miss Izzy?

SPEAKER_00:

Dude, we always have fun.

SPEAKER_01:

I know we do.

SPEAKER_00:

You like a brother from another mother?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, yeah, likewise. I forgot to ask this, but if people weren't in love with you before you answered the question, there's no doubt they're gonna say, Man, I gotta be in touch with Melissa. Where do we send them? Where's the best place for them to like get in contact with you and get more of your flavor?

SPEAKER_00:

Honestly, the website. Okay, hopefulsimplicity.com. It's got links to the socials. So if you're an Instagram or Facebook person, you can find them all there. My email's there, the community information, everything is there.

SPEAKER_01:

10-4. So hopefulsimplicity.com, folks. Hit up Melissa because she's awesome. And if you know people that organization is killing them and they need some simplicity in their life, Miss Melissa can help them out. Thank you for sticking it out all the way to the end. I know you got a whole lot of stuff going on. And in appreciation for the gift of time that you have given this episode, I want to offer you a free PDF of my book, Becoming the Promise You're Intended to Be. The link for that bad boy is down in the show notes. Hit it. You don't even have to give me your email address. There's a link in there. You just click that button, you can download the PDF. And if you share it with somebody that you know who might feel stuck or be caught up in self-destructive behaviors, that would be the ultimate. You sharing that increases the likelihood that it's gonna help one more person. And if it does help one more person, then you're contributing to me becoming the promise I am intended to be. Be kind to yourself, be cool, and we'll talk at you next time.