Reiki from the Farm™
Reiki from the Farm™
Travelling through Love and Loss (from the share)
Grief is the shadow side of love. It comes in waves, sometimes from one event, sometimes from many that pile up until our hearts feel too heavy to carry.
In this deeply personal episode, Pam Allen-LeBlanc shares her own journey through losing Bud and Star after an election loss, and the surprising lessons that followed.
We’ll explore how grief can tempt us to build walls around our hearts — and why those walls keep out the very love we need most. Drawing on the teachings of Rebecca Campbell, Brené Brown, and the messages from Pam’s beloved horse, Star, we’ll talk about love as life’s ultimate purpose, how animals can be soulmates, and how connection is never truly lost.
You’ll learn how to integrate Reiki into your daily life to support grief processing, find balance in your work and personal life, and reopen to joy. Together, we’ll journey through a guided Reiki meditation, “Singing You Home,” to release heart walls, allow grief to heal, and welcome yourself back to living fully in the present moment.
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Pam Allen-LeBlanc is a scientist, businesswoman, and Licensed Reiki Master Teacher (LRMT) with the International Center for Reiki Training.
Get in Touch with Pam:
pam@reikifromthefarm.com
www.reikifromthefarm.com
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Welcome everyone to this month's podcast and or this week's podcast and this month's Reiki share. I'm so glad that you're here. This Reiki share is actually a week later than it was going to be. I had an opportunity. I was on holidays last week, so I really appreciate everybody showing up and your patience as we've got an extra week in between the podcast. We had a really lovely holiday where our daughters came down to Campobello. I'm still here now, and during we just started getting rain and a thunder shower. And I just have to tell you that whenever I do a really big amount of work at the farm, whenever we're releasing a lot of dense, heavy energies, what seems to happen is there seems to be, even if it's, if it doesn't happen anywhere else, there'll be like a big wind and sometimes some rain that comes and washes things away. And we are actually, in New Brunswick where I live, the woods are closed. There are some wildfires that are happening that they've been really struggling to get under control and this is very unusual for us. This is not typical weather for us at all. And so we haven't had rain in a very long time. So this rain is fantastic, but I do just wanna let those of you who are here live with me know that if I lose you, if the connection breaks, I will do my best to come back in. And and and in any event, we will, the energy will still go through, but. Tonight's topic is traveling through love and loss. And so it's a big topic. It's an important topic, and yet it's something that nobody talks about or we don't talk about, and it's something we don't learn about, and it's something that we often even avoid. And so I was guided very heavily. I'll, I'll, I'll bring you through the stories and and what led to this and where we're going with it. Before we go too far in though, I do wanna let you know that this weekend we have an ICRT Animal Reiki Level one and two course which is online at this point. All of the people attending our online, and you're welcome to still join us. There is still space. And next week the. From August 18th to 20th is an online animal Reiki master teacher class. Would love to have you join that as well if it speaks to you. A lot of you have been asking about the healthcare Reiki course that Tracy Sullivan and I have been working on, and we're really thrilled with the course itself and how it has been coming together. We are teaching that September 15th and 16th in the evening, so it's a Monday, Tuesday evening and the following week, the 22nd and 23rd, which is the following Monday and Tuesday evening from five 30 to 10:00 PM Eastern time just to make it possible. For those of you who might want to join us and are. Have to work through the day or if you're in Australia, if you are in Asia. That way we felt that you could still get the healthcare Reiki class. I don't have any additional dates at this time, but I'm meeting with Tracy tomorrow and we will put additional dates. I will put additional dates in the newsletter as soon as we compare our schedules and see when we can teach it. I also have in October 18th and 19th, a Reiki level one and two class at the farm, which is both online and in person. That's followed by a Reiki masterclass that is online in the evenings, October 20th to 23rd. I have the following weekend an ICRT animal Reiki one and two training October 25th and 26th, both online and in person at the farm. And that too is followed by an evening animal Reiki master teacher class in the evenings, October 22nd, seventh to 30th. And I have a UNA Reiki class. And for those of you who don't know what Una Reiki, it's an advanced master class. You have to have been a master for at least six months. And it really elevates us. It really takes things to the next level. That's November 17th to 20th in the evenings and. I also wanna let you know that for animal communication, I'm teaching right now and as I'm done teaching, I'll be swinging into finishing the animal communication for Reiki practitioners book. My friend Laura is working to make some updates to the manual. Anybody who studied the animal communication masterclass will get an updated manual once that is updated. And we have some animal communication classes coming up. Level one and two, November 22nd to 23rd, a weekend online. And then animal communication level three, which is the professional practitioner, November 24th and 25th online in the evenings. And that's just leading into Thanksgiving for my American friends. And then an animal communication master teacher. December 1st to third online in the evenings, and that it begins the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday after Thanksgiving. I also wanted you to be the first to know about some really exciting new projects that are coming up. I am looking at teaching some classes in Kenya in February, and if that speaks to you, we're going to be, I'm going to be teaching a level one and two class and healthcare Reiki there. I'm also going to be teaching either animal Reiki one and two, or animal communication one and two or both. And in between the classes we're going to have some really amazing opportunities to visit an elephant sanctuary, a giraffe. Sanctuary and so on, and at the end of the classes and you can actually attend and you don't even have to. Oh, Susan, I hope you can come and thanks for the heart and you can attend. And even if you don't take all of the classes, take some time to see Nairobi where work, we'll be working with an Airbnb there that can also host the classes. But after the classes, we are gonna travel just a little bit further and go on an actual safari. And there's I'm just talking with a travel agent right now. The other thing I do want to try to arrange, but I don't know what that's gonna look like yet, is we do want to work with some of the children's schools that are there. And that's these, that is, we used to call them orphanages, they call them children's schools. And so these are young people whose parents aren't there are no longer with them. And so I am, we are going to be investigating what can be done, what can be done there. I've saw, I saw a long time ago a potential project that might even be sponsored by those of us here and maybe even the ICRT where we do work with some of the children that need help in some of these countries and this may be the entry point. So we're just starting in talks about that. But I'm super excited about classes in Kenya and I am gonna offer that if you've already taken a class from me, a level one and two class, but want to come to Kenya and review it, you can still do that at half fee. So that might be really interesting. I've also been asked to teach in Hong Kong that'll probably be September or October next year. And I'm gonna investigate whether there's any interest in Japan and Korea as well at the same time. And also I am looking at New Zealand and Australia, so I'm just working on my 2026 schedule, and it will be in our newsletter as soon as it's available. And for those of you listening to the podcast who don't receive an invitation to join us live for the Reiki share, just go onto my website Reiki from the farm.com, sign up for our newsletter, and you will automatically be invited to join us in real time. And you don't need Reiki, you don't need to have studied here. You don't need Reiki to join us. We would love, love, love to see you. I've also been asked to do some Reiki mentoring, and so I am taking out and dusting off and considering the Reiki Master Mentor course and possibly putting it together with my Reiki business book as a book club slash mentoring opportunity. And so any of you who are at the stage where. You would like to you could use some mentoring with your business, with your life, with anything. Look for that in January, although I am also looking at my schedule to see if I may be able to back it up to September, October. Just not certain yet, but the newsletter you will be the first to know. And then I've also been asked to start to offer them the marketing course and the abundance course. Again, those will be January. My daughter teaches those with me and she works full-time and she's finishing her. MBA part-time and she's I've discussed it with her and she said, look, mom, when I'm done with my MBA we'll schedule something, so January or February of this year. And then also just wanted to let you know that I'm also working. There's also a lot of other projects around horses and our horse work and our horse Reiki work that are starting to incubate and starting to come together. Keep an eye on our newsletter. I'll, you guys are always going to be the first ones to know, and sometimes it's only by telling you about these that it holds me accountable and, make sure that it gets done on a specific deadline. Guys, we are talking about love and loss tonight and about. Traveling through, through love and loss and through grief. And we're talking about allowing and just allowing ourselves to to feel it, allowing ourselves to go into it. And so we're going to talk about a number of things, the many faces of grief. We're going to talk about my story this past year and why grief has been a theme for me. And I know grief is a theme for so many of us, so many of you. I recently had an opportunity to attend a course with Rebecca Campbell. And so I'm going to talk about some of the key teachings that I took away from that, from Rebecca, and that caused me to look into Brene Brown, who is somebody else that I really admire and follow, and some of the overlap. And I also have some messages for you from my horses and from the other side of grief. And, we're going to talk about a few things that we can do to help ourselves every day, and then go into a really powerful meditation with Reiki and singing the Grief Home. If you don't already have a notebook, something to write with and on, I'm gonna invite you to go grab something because we are going to be making a list. I think sometimes when we think about grief, we think about losing loved ones, and absolutely that's grief, but we can experience grief for so many things. And so I'm just going to invite you to be sure that you have a journal a pen, paper, something that you can write on, and you may want a paper that you can then, tear up or burn or, soak in water and redistribute afterward. So you might not want to write in a journal if that's the case. As we go into our invocation today, I'd like to talk about some of the many faces of grief, and I'd like you to just consider which of these you have experienced. And even though we're in the medica medi invocation, I invite you to write down anything that comes up for you. So I'm just gonna invite you to bring your hands together in Gassho and just activate Reiki and any symbols that you have. If you have symbols. And if there are any symbols that speak to you, go ahead and draw them over your heart. And if, like me, your heart is feeling a bit painful right now, we're going to talk about that as well. And I'd just like you to, with your eyes opened or closed, just think about some of the loss that you've experienced in your life. I began losing people and animals that were dear to me from a very young age, and maybe you did too. Some of the common causes of grief are death of loved ones, people, animals, and grief usually shows up when it is a loss that was outside of your control. Sometimes though, we also feel grief at the end of a relationship, divorce when friendships end or loving relationships end. We can also feel grief at the loss of health, the loss of youth, the loss of vitality as we age. We can feel grief when we lose our home or place, even if we choose to move. I know several people who relocated here to Canada from other countries, and it's been so interesting being in friendship with them because I've noticed that when they're in Canada, they miss the loved ones from their homeland and when they visit their homeland, they miss Canada. And so even when it's a choice, when you move, change your place, even if you're still in the same hometown, but you move to a different apartment, a different home, there can be grief around that. There can be grief around job loss, retirement, forced retirement. It can be grief around betrayal or loss of trust, and there's almost always grief when we are estranged from loved ones, we can experience grief when we lose our dreams, the loss of our dreams. If we have a dream and it becomes obvious, we're not going to be able to attain it. Or if we have plans for the future and they're not going to happen, there can be grief around that. There can also be collective grief from global events, and I think we're all experiencing some of that these days. We are moving into a very different world and there is some grief because we are leaving behind. A lifestyle a sense of security that we maybe took for granted, but it was always there. There can also be grief because of a loss of innocence or safety, and it's even possible to feel grief before something happens. I remember that I grieved for an entire year before my eldest daughter went to university because I knew that our very tight, close knit family unit was not going to be the same after that, and in fact, it wasn't. And you have to be open to what's coming. And there can be other reasons for grief. Maybe this triggered or made you think of other areas, other reasons that you felt grief. I had somebody in my Reiki class recently who reminded me of myself because she said, I don't like to say goodbye. I can remember that every time that I attended a conference, every time that I attended a horse show, an exhibition together with family, and just did things that I loved. At the end of that event, it was I, it was just very difficult to say goodbye and to let it go. So for whatever reason that you may feel grief or loss, I invite you to be tender with yourself now, and I invite you to consider surrendering this grief or loss that you may feel to Reiki. If you don't feel ready to let it all go, just think about what percentage you're willing to let go, and you can go ahead and allow Reiki to assist you with that. And I invite you to place your hands on your heart and to be very kind to yourself. This is a very tender moment. We are very vulnerable at this time, and it takes a lot of courage, a lot of bravery to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to allow ourselves to feel the things that are difficult to feel. And in fact, I recently had an opportunity to visit. Hyde Park, the home of Eleanor and Franklin Roosevelt. And there are a couple of quotes of Eleanor Roosevelt's that I brought home on fridge magnets. I just loved them so much. One was, you must do the thing you think you cannot do. So if processing grief is something that you think you cannot do, we must do it. And she says, courage, bravery is always more exhilarating than fear. And in the end it is easier. And so I applaud you for having the courage to tune into this episode to show up today and for the openness and vulnerability. Bravery and courage that you are using as you're willing to allow your grief to come to the surface to be healed. I invite you to come back in your own time in a way that works the best for you, and we'll go into our, the heart of our podcast today. So one of the things that I've been reflecting on with this podcast is how we can often handle one thing, one loss, but for some reason in life. Losses and difficulties often come to us in multiples, and I'm not sure why that is, but very often we'll experience multiple losses, multiple difficulties, all at one time, and that can be overwhelming. I know that it may not seem like much, but when you run politically, especially when it's something that you care deeply about and the environment and having a safe. Place for all of the people that I love, which is everyone really. And for my children going forward is really important to me. And, there, there might be some grief at what we see happening collectively with the environment. Certainly there is a lot of eco anxiety among people these days and that is as a result of some collective grief. And so the elections were really important to me and losing two of them, I, I could handle that. It was disappointing and I acknowledged that there was some loss there and that but the second loss I really, I found it a little bit difficult to process then, and it was so quickly after the first loss. And yet I was okay with that. Some of you have heard me talk about my Heart Horse, big buddy. And my husband always used to say, you love that horse more than you love me. And I don't know if that's true, but I just didn't answer because it was really close. And it is possible to have an animal soulmate. And for me, that animal soulmate was big buddy. I had never worked with a horse that was so easy to work with in my life. And anytime my confidence, I was bringing new concepts into the world with horses and into horsemanship. And as a result of, bringing something new forward, I was getting, tossed off and knocked off. And my confidence was being rattled on a pretty regular basis. And big buddy would always come and pick me up. And show me how I could do it better. And he would just bring my confidence back so that I would keep on trying and keep pushing what was possible, keep pushing the limits. And I so appreciated that about him. But also for anybody who's loved an animal, we can just be completely and totally ourselves with an animal. And there can be this just deep, unconditional love and acceptance. And I really felt that from Buddy and it was just an absolute heart connection. So just after the election, I went into a fairly long stretch of couple of weeks of teaching, and the evening after Mother's Day, I finished teaching on Mother's Day. And something didn't look right with him, but I talked myself out of it. And then. The next day he really wasn't right. And I ran out, but he jumped up and he acted like he was okay. So again, I talked myself out of it. But by that evening, he had an intestinal block and he couldn't he wasn't able to survive. And the veterinarian, thankfully my veterinarian was on call. He got there, he helped us through, but I was devastated. And it was just one more loss after a few losses that were also impacting me more than I realized maybe. And so I did what I needed to do to make his arrangements. I couldn't even tell people about it for a while because my horses are so public and they've worked with so many people that even though I knew I was going to need to share the loss with them so that they could process their loss as well, that horse had been with me for almost 19 years, and we worked together and we saw each other just about every day. And he, along with Star, helped me start my business and they brought me to Reiki and they just meant so very much to me that I just needed to keep it to myself for a little while. It was just too big of a loss and I wasn't ready to share it right away. And I thought to myself, my goodness, it's cruel what we do when people pass because their loved ones have to hold services and so on right away. And you're still in a state of shock sometimes and that's very difficult. But I knew just I needed a little bit of time to process it myself. After all of his arrangements were made and he was buried, my daughters came out and said goodbye to him. And Bertina was with me when he passed. And and so we buried him and I needed to come to Campobello to heal my heart. I had one more weekend of teaching healthcare Reiki, and by the end of that class, I thought, okay, I think I was exhausted also from the elections and just the pace that you needed to go through and then exhausted from the grief. And I thought, okay, I think I can handle this now. I think, I can finally let people know. And so it was my intention to take Monday to myself. I hadn't really had a quiet day since. I don't know. This was May and I hadn't had a quiet day since sometime in January. And I thought, okay, I'm going to share this with people now. And Monday I got a call that Star wasn't well. And so we got home as quickly as we could off of an island when you have to rely on ferries. And I'm very grateful that I had Tessa and Joanne and Kim and Bertina who went to, who were, who went to support Tessa. Tessa let me know that Star wasn't well, put me on FaceTime with her. I called the vet immediately. We didn't have our regular vet this time and that's always a little bit more difficult. But, we did what we could. That evening we thought maybe it was improving and that she would come around. We thought it was an infection, and so we left her. And then early in the morning when I went to check on her, she was, she should have been doing better. She was no better. In fact, maybe a bit worse, our regular veterinarian was able to come out and we worked with her all day and we lost her too. And that was just too much. Now I did. Let people know. And we made arrangements and we held a little service for some of the people that have been with me at the farm the longest. And we let all the people know who the horses meant something to. But I have to say that I really went into a deep place after that. And I think what happens is that when you are in a place of grief, there's a contraction. And that's, there's this love brings about expansion. And when you're in a place of grief, it brings about contraction. And I even discovered only today that. In that place of contraction, you sometimes set up a heart wall around your heart to protect yourself. But the complication of a heart wall is that love can't get in or out. If you live behind a heart wall, love can't get in or out. And so I encourage you to consider today. And the funny thing is I had released my heart wall a long time ago, and yet this new grief built something up again, and I only became aware of it today. I knew that it was. That, that I really wasn't myself, and I knew that I gave myself the grace of some time off for this summer. The guidance I received was just be graceful with myself. Take it easy, find balance, don't, you don't need to work as much. It's time to just really nurture yourself. And I allowed myself just a gradual return to work in life. And I'll be honest, I'm only really getting there now, and I'm not even a hundred percent yet, but it is coming. And today I realized that in fact, although I normally don't live behind a heart wall, these events caused me to create one. And so I'd like you to consider, could there be a heart wall around your heart as a result of some of what you've experienced? And I just want to let you know that if there is. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind with yourself, nurture yourself, and you get to form a decision about whether you are ready to let that heart wall go again. Because what I've noticed is that we think this wall will protect us, but it also really stifles us and it prevents us from experiencing or feeling love. Now, last November, I was guided to register for a conference at Omega Institute with Rebecca Campbell around her new book. Your Soul Had a Dream. Your Life Is it. And I didn't know why I was guided. I didn't even really know what we were talking about, but I thought I'm supposed to attend that. So I registered, I paid and a couple of weekends ago I went down to New York to attend this conference and what would you know? But she was talking about grief. Now, the last time I had been at Omega was for the wisdom of Reiki conference. The year before, the day after, we had to put Breaker dawn down. And so as I was on that campus. I brought home the fact that I had lost three horses in less than a year, in 11 months, within 11 months of each other. And that's just a lot of loss. And I realized that it was loss that maybe that, that I definitely needed help processing. And so when the topic that we were talking about was grief, I thought, how interesting is that? So I'd like to share a few of the key insights that I took away from Rebecca's course. And the first one actually. One of my dear friends when I lost Bud and Star and I posted about it on Facebook, I just wanna thank all of you for just the grace and the love that I felt coming to me. I wasn't able to receive it all completely and fully, but just knowing that it was there was so very helpful. And when you are in a state of grief, you can't always receive that love. But you know what? Just hold it around yourself for when you are able to receive it. And knowing that it's there is helpful. But one of the people, one of the comments, all of your comments were so beautiful, but one comment came from my childhood best friend and. We aren't ter, we aren't still very connected, but I always know she's there. And I think the world of her, and she has experienced, I think one of the most difficult types of grief. And that was that she lost a child who took his life at a very young age. And in fact, she was the one who found that child. And so I attended the funeral. Of course I did. I I wanted to be there for my friend. I could feel just how devastating this was for her family. And yet she wrote to me, Pam, remember that grief only exists because there was love, because love and love was first. Love was there first. So wherever there's grief and when there's great grief, it's only because there was great love. And we have been experiencing grief from the beginning. We believe we were kicked out of the Garden of Eden. We were never kicked out of the Garden of Eden. But in some ways, we believe we've lost connection with source. There can be grief around that. Rebecca talks about grief being love with nowhere to go. It's not the opposite of love. It's the shadow that proves that love existed. Where there is grief, there was love. The depth of our grief mirrors, the depth of our connection. And Rebecca went on to talk about the importance of something that I talk about a lot, allowing. Not making something happen, but allowing, not resisting. She talked about the fact that healing comes from letting grief move through us, not suppressing it, not trying to rush it, allowing it to move through at the pace that it needs. And some people may, some of you may have experienced grief that is so much greater than mine or, it's not about that. It's about allowing your grief to process in the way that it needs to. She talked about the fact that sometimes that loss brings about an initiation, that grief can awaken us to our deeper purpose, to compassion, and to more connection with the divine. She talks about the fact that we never lose connection with those we love. We never truly lose it. That bond exists. It exists beyond time and space. And I'm going to tell you about a horse who helped me understand that in a little bit. She talked about the Garden of Eden, as a metaphor that we were never kicked out. We can return to a sense of belonging or connection at any time with our loved ones or with source. And she also talked about something that I really noticed happened in my situation, that grief can strip away the inessential revealing our authentic truth and purpose. I realized that I was caught up in so many things and not all of them were really important. And going through this grief really helped me strip things down and see what was really important to me and where do I want to focus my energy going forward. And so there can be this beauty and purpose in grief. When I came home, I decided to dig in just a little deeper to grief and vulnerability and one of the experts, because I was shown that when we do live behind a heart wall, we aren't living fully. And it occurred to me that I didn't want to, although I was allowing my grief to process and I was allowing it to do what it needed and take the time it needed to take. I wanted to move back to living fully because that is how I can best honor those horses that I love. All the people I've love lost so many people in my life. All the people that I love. The best way to honor them is to live fully and wholeheartedly. And Brene Brown is an expert in this and she's somebody that I love. She wrote daring Greatly, rising Strong Atlas of the Heart, among other things. Her TED Talks are really well known around vulnerability and emotional courage, the human need for connection. She talks about the fact that grief is the loss of something loved or deeply valued. It's not just about death. It's any ch change that alters our connection to the things that we cherish. And I want to mention to you that if you are spending any time looking back at something, wishing it could be that way again. That is grief. You're not being fully present in what is you're looking at. What was and that is grief. She talks about the power of vulnerability that in order to truly heal, we have to be willing to feel pain and talk about it openly. And we are so lucky because we have Reiki to help us as we feel the pain, even though we still do feel it, but it can help relieve it and release it for us as much as is possible. She talked even about something which I hadn't thought of before, which was this disenfranchised grief, even the grief around miscarriages and some of the things that I've talked about earlier. Miscarriages, job loss, pet loss, which disenfranchised grief is that society ignores or dismisses certain types of loss and that only intensifies the pain. And I hadn't thought of it that way before. And she talks about the fact that we can't selectively numb. So if we shut out grief, we're also shutting out joy, love, and meaning. And so just the importance of allowing ourselves to feel it. Courage over comfort. She talks about the fact that leaning into grief, it does take an act of courage, but it leads to deeper resilience afterward. She also talks about the importance of something she calls story stewardship, which is listening to our own and other people's stories of grief with empathy and no judging. And the fact that this brings healing, builds healing and connection, and the res that resilience is born. When we get to a point where we can make meaning, finding the purpose of the pain and integrating it into our life narrative, that this helps us move forward. And I'd like to share a story around that as well. So both of these. I don't know what to call them. They're leaders for sure. They're people that are very connected, people that are very intelligent people that I appreciate. They both see grief as a proof of love rather than something to hide from. They both talk about the importance of allowing and feeling it fully rather than numbing it. They both encourage reconnection to self, others the divine and that this is the path forward. And they all, they also both honor grief as a transformative process that deepens our capacity for love of. Now. It took me a while to be able to connect with the horses and to be honest, I haven't really connected with them fully. And there's a reason for that. Jock the Clydesdale. He's a horse that we talk about in animal Reiki because I've been given permission to talk, to share his story from his human caretaker. And when Jocks was about to lose his pastor mate that had been with him for years he knew that he was going to experience grief. His human asked me to talk with him and asked would he be okay. And Jocks said that he knew he was going to experience grief and, but that as a horse, he knew what to do with it, whereas humans often suppressed it or we would. And then it would fester and, poison our blood. Basically the same as if we just covered over a wound, a physical wound and ignored it and pretended it wasn't there. It would actually eventually lead to infection and blood poison, potentially blood poisoning. He said that's what grief can do if we suppress it. And then he said some of, also he had noticed that humans pick at the scab and pick at the scab and pick at the scab. And that he wasn't going to do that. That he knew he needed to be sad for a while in order to allow the grief to process. Because he showed me that when his cord to his friend, when he remained in the physical world and his friend did not, there was a cord that connected the two of them, that relationship cord. And he showed that his friend would be holding some of that could you take Baxter's bone please? Would be. Pulling some of his soul with him when he left and went to the other dimension and he showed that there would be just, there would be a wound there. There can't help but be, and after he experienced his sadness, that wound would fill in. And he used it in the same way that we would a physical wound. Sometimes a physical wound fills in and you can't tell there was ever a wound there. Other times it fills in with scar tissue and in either event it would fill in, whether it filled in whole and complete or with scar tissue, it would fill in. Once that wound to his soul filled, he was then going to connect with his friend Moie. From the other direction, and he showed me, instead of a horizontal connection, it would be a vertical connection. Now, I don't know if the connection is actually horizontal or vertical, I just think that maybe he was trying to show it in that way so that I could see that it would be a different type of connection. And so I know that as I allow my horse's grief to proce the grief I have, while we're losing my horses to process, I know that I'll be able to connect with them again. And the connections are just starting now. It's been a while. They're just starting to take place and I'm not going to judge that. It's going to take the time that it takes. I just need to be gentle with myself through that. And animals also tell us that sometimes if we get too focused on the grief, we forget the purpose. The purpose of us being together and loving was to learn and grow together. And my friend's dog they, that they were, that definitely was a soul connection. You never saw a better relationship than what my friend Jill had with her dog. And Jasmine showed us a beautiful bucket of water, and the bucket was perfect. The water was pristine. You knew that it was the most lovely life-giving water ever, and you just wanted to drink it all. And she showed a drop on the way to the bucket, and she asked us, please focus on the bucket. Please focus on the 12 years we had together, not the drop, which was the two days of my death. Please focus on that. What we had together was important. And the death is a process. It's part of it. And even still, it is still difficult when we lose our loved ones. I know that with Star. I did, I was able to connect with her and I asked her to show me the bucket. And I asked her if she forgave me because I tried so hard and we weren't able to keep her, here. And she said, I accomplished everything I was meant to. And she showed me that what she came to earth to do was to love and to experience all of the different facets of love. And in her 19, almost 20 years of life, just shy of 20 years, she did. She loved me, she loved my daughter, she loved our family. She loved the other horses in her herd. She loved her students. She loved adventure when we would take her out to shows, and especially when we took her out to trail rides, places that she had never been. She loved that. She just got so excited and she loved that. She loved being in communion with people, with her herd, with our herd, with our people. She loved teaching people. Animal communication, Reiki, animal Reiki. She loved all of that. And six years ago, she had the opportunity to become a mother and experience what it was to be a mother and have a mother's love. She lived with her sisters. She experienced that love. And so she just, she loved Buddy as a friend. She she just got so many opportunities to experience love. And she said that was the point. That was her point. And she had done that and it was okay that it was her time to go. And she said, it's our purpose too, to experience love in all of its facets, in all of its forms. And that includes sometimes experiencing loss. Loss is part of love. Loss is not the opposite of love. It's the shadow of it. It's the other side of it. It's what shines a light on how bright that love was. Bud told me that he also accomplished his life purpose with me as a spiritual soulmate and all of the teaching that he was able to do. He also had an opportunity to love his students and he really built confidence in everyone. He, it wasn't just me. He had a unique style, but he also, in addition to having he was my soulmate, but his actual mate was breaker Dawn. And if I'm honest, from the time that she had passed 11 months earlier, he really didn't thrive. He missed her greatly. And I think that he was really ready to join her in the spirit world. He was there, but he really wasn't in a place that he could. He could really thrive without his actual mate breaker, Dawn. And so he let me know that I'm entering a new phase. All three of them are with me. They can be more easily with me all the time. I felt them very much at Omega Institute. I'm going actually next June, I'm going back to Omega to speak at the wisdom of Reiki conference as one of the speakers. And I'm so honored to be able to do that. I hope if any of you are around New York you'll register and you'll join me. But I know that their messages, that's gonna be a special place. And I know that I'm meant to share their messages there. In fact, I'm going to be talking about animal communication and they left a message for me today, and it's a message I want to share with you. They wanted me to share with everyone experiencing grief, experiencing loss, you are safe. You are seen, you are heard, you are held, and you are so very loved. When we get to the other side of grief, there can be bliss, reconnection, authenticity. We have a hunger in us, a yearning for connection with each other, and that's really also a hunger and a yearning for connection with the sacred and for connection with ourselves, our true selves. On the other side of grief, we live in the present with our gaze forward weaving connection back into our lives. One of the things that has shown up for me is that one of the essential oils I created in order to help me train horses better is called present. And I created that because I can lose focus. And many times as my horse training evolved, I could have a very frightened juvenile horse that I am working with. And I tended to do it in a clinical setting and as a clinic with all kinds of people around me and a microphone on so that I could explain to the people what I was doing, why I was doing it, and sharing our work. And I needed to be very present. If I lost focus for an instant, I could lose the horse. And I did lose a horse once. And, it was very hard. I regretted it. We did not have the time to get her back and in the sense that I lost her trust and I just needed to make sure that would never happen. And what a side effect of this essential oil is that a grief counselor discovered it and started using it with her clients. And when she used the essential oil present, her clients would have their first full night's sleep and so on. So this can be something this showed me the importance of being in the present. And the other side of grief is being able to be fully present and aware. So after I spent my time at Omega and I really processed my grief and I was feeling so much better, I was driving home. I had taken some extra time to go and visit Hyde Pod to see Eleanor and Roosevelt's Eleanor and Franklin Roosevelt's real home because their summer home is here on the island of Campobello where I am right now. And so it was dark and I just the pa the speed shifted it. We, there was a lot of, there was a lot, it was very long drive. It was a nine or 10 hour drive and the speed zone had just shifted, but most of the traffic was still going the regular speed. So I pulled into the passing zone to follow the new speed limit, and I was passing a long line of cars that were still going at the slower. Speed limit. And didn't I come across two juvenile raccoons and there was absolutely nothing I could do? I haven't hid an animal in I don't know how long, because I always place Reiki around my car. And I let them know that even though being hit by a car is a very fast, efficient, easy way to go, and some animals when they're done living their life, and this is something I teach in my animal communication class, some animals, when they're done being that animal, when they're done with their experience and want to move on,'cause animals are fully engaged and they know what's on the other side. They know what's waiting. They sometimes choose death by car, but I've always let the animals know I don't wanna participate in that. And in this instance, I could see that actually I saw the looks on their faces. It was just as, as they came into my headlight beam and I, there was nothing I could do. I hit them. I'm certain that I killed them. I was going 123 kilometers an hour, which was the speed limit. And I could see by their faces that they weren't dumb being raccoons, that they had made a dumb mistake. They were juveniles. And we all know teenagers. I've lost a lot of friends who just made, who made dumb juvenile mistakes. And that's what these raccoons were doing. And suddenly the grief hit me again, just full in the heart. And I thought, oh, I finally, I thought I was finally on the other side of it. And not only did I feel grief, but I felt guilt. And I felt ashamed that there was nothing that I could do to prevent what had happened. Prevent hitting those raccoons. And what came from this is I went back to these lessons that I've just shared with you, and I thought, what am I supposed to learn from this? Thank you, Carissa. And I realized there's still more grief to process. And I asked how can I process this grief? And I was shown you're going to sing them home. So we're going to move into a meditation today. And in this meditation, if you have a heart wall, you'll have an opportunity to release it or release whatever portion of it that you feel like, feel willing to release. You don't have to be able to release it. That's the key with Reiki. You don't have to think, oh, I think I can do this. It's allowing if you are willing to do it, Reiki will do the work for you. You don't have to do the work of the releasing it's just allowing. We're also going to take a moment to allow Reiki to heal and lift whatever portion of the grief is ready to go at this time for any, at all of the experiences in your lifetime when you felt grief. We'll then move fully into the present, and then I'm going to invite you to sing your grief home with me. I'm going to share with you, and I do wanna let you know that some of you have heard this before, some of you haven't. When I was young in the junior choir at my church, my mother was the choir director. My mother has a beautiful alto voice. My sister has the voice of an angel, and then there's me. And my mother used to tell me, sing quieter Pam. She used to sit my sister next to me, sing louder, Shauna, and just basically try to drown me out. And so if as I lead you through the singing you home, it's, it terrifies me. I'm not gonna lie. If I'm off tune, we're gonna call it sound healing. Okay. We'll go with that. And, but I am gonna invite you, you're all muted. I'm gonna invite you to sing. As long as you want. As loudly as you want, because I did find it very cathartic. And at the end I sang for 40 minutes or more, maybe an hour for those raccoons. And at the end of the singing, I felt one of the raccoons come back to me and say, we're home. We made it home to the mother in the arms of the mother. Thank you for singing us home. And he said, nobody has been sung any better than what we were just sung home. So thank you. And so I invite you to do the best that you can singing your grief home. And I also wanna let you know that there are a few things we can do to every day to help with this. You can sing every day. Sing your grief home. Until it feels like it's, it is healed. But you can also start each day activating Reiki, placing one heart on the hand and one on the belly, and just allowing Reiki to flow, because this is where grief seems to set up in our bodies, in our physical bodies. Every night before bed, place the Reiki symbols in your room and ask them to surround you with light and just continue healing you, releasing your grief, allowing you to sleep. Because sleep can evade us when we are deep in the process of grief. Every day when you send Reiki, you can just be aware of and ask it to release a bit more of your grief that day. Whatever's appropriate. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Allow it, and allow it to move very gently. You can also use essential oils as I was mentioning. I'm happy to send you some presence oil if you would like. You can go onto my website or email me for that. You can use scents, you can use nature and just an awareness of the simple pleasures in life to just anchor you into the present. Just that awareness of being in the present and looking forward. You can also journal with Reiki. Do some automatic writing. Let the symbols open up your truth. You can be mad. I was angry, why did I have to lose these horses? They star had one of the best lessons. This was Monday, the Saturday. She cantered and she gave her students a wonderful lesson. Whatever you need to feel. Allow it and let the journaling, the symbols, the Reiki open you to your truth. And you can also offer distance Reiki to the times of your loss in the past. Go back to when you were hurting, when you felt alone, when you were missing whatever it is that you're missing. And send Reiki to all of those, and you can also always sing at home. So as we move into our meditation today, I'd like to invite you to place both hands over your heart, allowing Reiki to flow into your heart, and just feel the steady rhythm of your heart beneath your hands. Take a deep breath in. Breathing in Reiki, and then take a breath out releasing whatever you no longer need and just invite Reiki to flow into you and through you now into your body. On your breath, it may look like a warm golden light. The Reiki frequency you're bringing in may have a different color. Just allow it to move in and out of your body as you breathe deeply. In fact, you may want to visualize a beautiful cocoon of Reiki wrapping itself gently around you, and within that cocoon or that space of Reiki. I want you to know that you are safe. You are seen, you are heard, you are held, and you are loved. And if you haven't already, I invite you to ask yourself if you may have set up a heart wall and you can close your eyes. You can ask to see. It might look like stone or glass, or you might even see barbed wire. It may be thick or thin. It may be beautiful. It may be intimidating, it may be imposing, it may be slight. If you do have a wall around your heart, I invite you to look for it and see it now. And as Reiki begins flowing, just allow it to soften, to melt, to dissolve, to crumble, to whatever extent and degree that you feel comfortable, just know that your heart is safe to open, and that Reiki holds you. And as your heart begins to open, you can say hello and welcome the grief that might live there. You don't have to push it away. It has a story. It has a story of great love, passion. It is the stuff that all of the important stories have ever been told about. And your grief carries the memory of a great love. As you examine and look at the grief, notice how much of it is love. Look for the love. Think of the love. Remember the love. And with every breath that you take, just allow Reiki to begin gently moving through your grief, lifting it, sifting it, lightning it. Transforming it, letting some of it go, some of it may remain, but helping you become aware of the wisdom and love that exists within the grief. And we're going to remain here for several breaths together as you allow Reiki to just sift and sort, lighten and transform and show you the truth of your grief, which is that it is only there because there was great love. I invite you now to just feel your awareness settling into this moment here and now notice the breath entering and exiting your lungs and the gentle Reiki energy moving through your heart, through your hands. You are here now, and I'd like you to think of that page of grief that may have even been more than one page that you are or have been carrying, and we're going to sing at home together today. I'd like you to take all of the things, all of the grief, all of the things you've listed on your page, and we'll sing them home. Now. I'll sing you the chorus and I'll invite you to join me for that, and we'll always come back to that and you can join me with the other lines as well, if they feel appropriate to you. And so what came through as I sang the raccoon's home was the following Shanti. Oh, singing you home. Singing you home. Singing you home. Oh, singing you home. Singing you home. Singing you home. Oh, please join me home. Oh oh. Oh, I'm singing you home. I'm singing you home. I'm singing you home. Oh. Singing you home. Singing you home. Singing You home. Home again. Oh oh. Singing you home. Singing you home. Singing you home? Home. I'm singing you home. I'm singing you home. I'm singing you home. Oh. Feel free to do this as many times as you need. Oh. Oh, Shanti. Oh, Han. Oh. I'm singing you home. I'm singing you home. I'm singing you home, home. I am singing you home. I'm singing you home. I'm singing you home home, Shante home. And if you have ever felt any guilt, I'd like you to join me in the following. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry for my role. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry for my role. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Please forgive. I love you. I love you. I so very love you. I love you. I love you. We shared great love. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry for my role. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. Oh, won't you Please forgive me. I love you. I love you. Please return me to the love. I see you. I see you. I see you whole. I see you. I hear you. I trust you. I love you. I revere you. You are beautiful. I see you. I see you. I see you whole. I see you. I hear you. I trust you. I review you. I love you. You are beautiful. Now we speak to the Great Mother and we say Please receive her. Please receive him. Please receive them. Please receive me home. Please receive her. Please receive him. Please receive them. Please receive me home. Please receive her. Please receive him. Please receive them. Please receive us. Please receive me home. We return to you. We return to you. We all return to you our love, our loss returns. We please receive her. Please receive him. Please receive me home. Please receive them. Please receive us. We return to you. We return to you. We return to you. I thank you for being here. Being with me as I sing my own grief home. And I hope that you are able to receive, sing some of your grief home too. I encourage you to keep singing. I encourage you to alter this song as you need to, and I encourage you to remember that you loved, yes, there was grief, but there was only grief because you loved, there was love first, and that's the whole point. I invite you to feel the love, the connection to each other, to bud, to star, to all of those that you've loved and lost, even if you barely knew them. They're always here, always. Be gentle with yourself. As you return from this meditation, you have proof in your grief that you loved and that it was a great love, invite you to just be conscious of being present to being conscious of living with your heart wide open even after loss, because the contraction can lead to an expansion to an even greater ability to love, a greater ability to appreciate the love that you do have. I leave you with Reiki blessings, and I thank you for being who you are, and thank you for the great love that you are contributing. The planet at this time when it so needs it. Bless you.