Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you don’t have problems, then you’re likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Who’s not me) 

Hey, welcome back to another episode of Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent. My name is Michele Baci, I'm your host. This episode is going to be something different. It's a solo episode. It's all me, it won't be as long as the interview episodes. I just wanted to end the year with sharing my new year's resolutions and a couple goals I have and reflections for whatever 2020 was- the amalgamation of feelings, hardship, protests, whatever this year has been- just summing it up. From my perspective, I always do New Year's resolutions. I'm a big goal setter, I love goals, I love setting goals that are very unattainable and hard to reach. A lot of times, my new year's resolutions will be the same thing for several years in a row, and I don't make any significant progress. But that, you know, the goal is always lingering in my head. This year, I'm trying really hard to keep it more attainable, more realistic, and just keep it as simple as possible. So my brain is always trying to fire off a million goals at once. And this new year, I'm just keeping it to three, three seems to be the magic number. Where time management, people stress that three things are plenty of things. Don't over exceed your expectations, because then they're bound to get crushed and not not crushed in a good way. But you're bound to like fail, and fail hard. So only three goals for me this year. Number one, I want to learn Spanish, I started taking Spanish lessons when I first moved to LA, three years ago and had a little teacher shout out to Marcelo. And it was really fun. It feels good to me to be in like a school setting with assignments. And I love languages like I took French, all throughout high school and a couple classes in college. So I have a working knowledge of French. But I'm definitely not like amazing at French. And I want to learn Spanish because it seems like such a more broadly applicable language, especially out in California. So this is my year I'm gonna get on Duolingo I'm going to use my dad's language app that he swears by it's expensive. And I actually learned like a decent amount of Japanese from it before I went to Japan. So I know it works. This is my year, espanol. And Michelle, here we go. My second goal for the new year is I want to carve out more time to spend with the people I love with Joseph, my family, my friends, strangers or acquaintances who seemed cool, of course, in a safe way given the pandemic. But I want to spend more time with people because I am very driven. I'm kind of a workaholic, slash terrible procrastinator, so I'm always like, stressing to get stuff done, working pretty hard at my job or jobs. So I want to get better at time management so I can have more time to spend with the people I love. This is a really tough goal for me, because I'm always living flying by the seat of my pants. So if I could just learn to budget my time and not overbooked myself, I think life would be so much easier. Let's hope I can get a grip on that. third goal. final resolution is something I always try to fit into my life which is writing and reading. feel like they go together, even though they're very different. I want to write and read every day. I used to be successful with this I use I mean I used to always read every day, especially living in New York, so it was easier to like read on the subway or I just had like an easier

time schedule in New York. So I was working either as a waitress or a nanny, so I would have like blocks of time free in the day and I could read in LA I have no time to read. I'm like waking up clocking into work working the whole day doing the math castes struggling to go to sleep at a decent hour. That's my life right now. So I want to read more. And I want to write more, because I'm a writer. And if I can't write words on a page, I feel very unfulfilled. I feel like part of my oxygen cocktail is missing. You know, like, I'm breathing, and I'm alive and I'm healthy. But I don't feel good. So I'm hoping I can make a daily ritual. And I know the best way to do it is to get it done early in the morning, where I write for some amount of time words on a page. And then I read for some amount of time, no distractions, no distractions, just me and a book. So maybe I could become an early bird. Here's hoping these all seem both. All these resolutions, they seem both impossible, and very realistic. I think I can, I think I can achieve them all. If I set my mind to it. take it one step at a time and allow myself to fail, for lack of a better word and to screw up and you know, not read and write every day. If it's too hard to do, but try my best. Let me know your resolutions DM me, if you follow me on Instagram, I'm @ Therapy Roulette pod. And then on Twitter, I'm @ Therapy Roulette, let me know what goals you're setting for the new year or for life in general, I would love to know. So in schools, I got this idea. As a goal setting exercise to write out 30 things I want to do before I die. I got it by listening to this podcast called radical personal finance, I'm giving him a shout out because I've only listened to a couple episodes, but he seems really down to earth, really, in tune with like values and things that can bring you success. So he suggested as this New Year wraps up, or the sorry, as 2020 wraps up when we enter a new year, to reflect on 30 things you want to do before you die, just write them out. No judgment, no criticism of yourself, just write them out and see what comes out of you. So I did this last night, or early this morning at like 3am when I woke up from a nightmare, and couldn't go back to sleep. And I'm really surprised with the 30 things I came up with, like a few of them were things I know I want to do. But just writing something on paper. First of all, it increases the likelihood you're going to do it if you write it on paper. Second of all, it's a good thought exercise, mentally say, Hey, this is what I want to do. This is not what anyone's expecting me to do, or telling me to do. This is just what I want to do for my brain, my 3am brain, which is like fresh, you know, not influenced by the day yet. So I thought I would share a couple of those with you before I die. My ultimate number one goal is I want to write and publish a book. I am a huge bookworm. I love stories. I love fiction, nonfiction, everything. So although I live in LA and I have been focusing on comedy and television out here, I also love novels, that's my first love. So I don't know if I'm going to write a fiction book or a nonfiction book, probably I will write one of each at least. But in my lifetime, I want to write and publish a book, I want you to read it. And I want to become very famous and rich. And you know, Bjk rallying without the

without the hate speech, something like that. I want to live abroad, again, because I've lived abroad in England as a college student just for a few months, three months. And it was right at the end of my time in England when I was like, I wish I could say I finally feel comfortable here after three months. So I don't necessarily want to go back to England or like Western Europe, but I want to live abroad again, at least for like a few months or a year just to get a taste of another country and other worlds and being immersed in it fully. You know, again, this is this one is a more unrealistic goal because of the virus and we are now in an age of pandemic. We now live in an age of pandemics and the world's on fire but if possible, I would like to live abroad for a short time for the experience. The The next thing I want to share with you that I want to do before I die is I've been working on this TV pilot for a few years since moving to LA and I'm proud of it like I finished the pilot. I think I submitted it to like contests, but I haven't worked on it in a long time probably in a year. My next step with that pilot was I wanted to break it up into a web series, like something I could film, whether it's a few minutes, or 20 minutes, whatever, I want it to become a web series. So I can just put it on YouTube and be like, Hey, here's my idea. Allah fleabag. Allah, Isa Ray, people who put their web series on YouTube, usually, I mean, the people I am referencing Phoebe Waller bridge and Isa Ray, they get picked up and they get to put their show on TV, and they become very successful. So following in their footsteps, I want to put my, my pilot into a web series, get it on YouTube, become successful. Also, I think it'd be really fun as a writing exercise to turn the pilot, which I haven't worked on so long, but it's still feels like stale to me, because I've done a couple drafts of it, I feel like the pilot is all it's going to be in its pilot form for now. So I think I need to remould it into a new format as a web series, maybe just like, start from scratch, keep the, the essence of the story and start writing fresh. And that would be really good for me, because I was so excited about it. And then once I finished something, I send it out into the world, whether I'm submitting into contests, or grad schools, or just showing it to my friends. Once it's out there, I kind of forget about it. And I almost feel ashamed that it's done. I'm like, this was such a big part of my life, writing this thing, finishing this thing. And now that it's done, and it's not on television, not that it feels like a failure, but it feels like an abandoned child or pet or something, something I've neglected and it should be dead by now. It feels like one of my plants, honestly. So want to revive that plan. for the new year. I know a lot of people focus on like health, especially getting into shape or like losing weight or eating healthy. That's a big New Year's resolution, a popular theme. And I've seen a lot of Instagram posts the past few days about how you can't let people's weight loss. What's it called, when people get like manic about weight loss around the New Year, you can't let that get to you or like, influence you too hard, because people are gonna do what they want to do. But if someone's pressuring you to like, indulge in unhealthy fitness goals, or weight loss goals, ignore that shit, block it, unfollow those people. And I feel like for me, I just want to incorporate exercise more as a whole, like, I've been getting really into the YouTube fitness worlds because I'm living in quarantine, and just creating like a little space on the yoga mat. To do. Honestly, a five minute video, like today, I did two five minute videos, and I got a good workout from it just moving around and getting my heart rate up. So doing like small, bite sized things to get your health in check. I feel like that's a huge, that's a huge goal. And

everyone should be doing that, especially now, as we live our couch potato lifestyles. Don't forget to get up and move around. But don't get obsessed or fixated on like feeling ugly, feeling fat. You know, you should love your body, cherish your body, be grateful for everything you're able to do and don't neglect it either. Like, you have to stretch you have to move around every day. Otherwise, you know, the couch potato life will. it'll fill you full of starch and it won't be good in the long run. So turn on a five minute YouTube video, do some yoga, see what your body can do? Can you touch your toes? It feels good to touch your toes. Also, as we enter a brand new year, and I'm betting The 2021 will not be too different from 2020. At least in the beginning. I think we're going to be in this. This current hell we're in for a little while. I want to encourage the listeners you guys, I want to encourage everyone listening to take stock of your mental health. For the love of God. Listen to your brain and find out what you need. Find out what you are missing and take the time and invest in yourself to fix your mental health. As in don't neglect your Mental Health Journal. Seek out you know a professional like a therapist or a coach counselor, if you go to school, there's a lot of free or less expensive counselor options available like on a campus, talk to people do not keep your demons locked inside because it's gonna fester and rot and you're gonna have this lake system a demon living inside of you. And that's not good for anyone. I know in the past year, I've been crying a shit ton I've been shedding tears like, like never before, which is good for me. I used to not cry. Like I used to have this stand up bit where I would talk about how I have to go to the movie theater to cry, because I can't do it on my own. Like I have to be watching something to cry. And in the past year, I've become way more vulnerable. And in tune with my emotions, I think it's a lot of like, realizing that's okay. Listening to Bernie brown and reading her books. learning that vulnerability is actually a strength and an asset and people because it, it makes you aware of who you are the empathy within you. And if you're vulnerable, then you're seeking an honest life. So I think it's okay to cry. And it's okay to be sad, have hard conversations, because that's how you grow. So 2020 has, for me overall, it hasn't been a total wash. I've had a lot of good stuff happened to me in 2020. Like moving in with Joseph and progressing in my relationship. Starting this podcast has been a huge, a huge thing for me that I've been wanting to do for a long time. I've gotten a good job was stable, a stable day job. And I feel very blessed, very grateful that I'm healthy. My friends and family are healthy. And even though everything is zoom life right now it's okay. It's totally fine. Everything could be way worse. So I just yeah, I want to practice more gratitude myself and encourage you to practice more gratitude. Speak up, speak up to people when you're feeling depressed, sad loss, tell people about it. Because that's how people will know to help you. Don't just suffer alone, because I've suffered alone before. And it sucks to not to feel like you have no one else to reach out to reach out to the people in your life. They're there for you. They love you. Don't keep them in the dark. And if you feel like you've known to reach out to I'm sure you do, if you think about it, but if you feel like you have no one else or if you just want to write the podcast, feel free to drop me an email, or a DM you can reach out on Twitter, Instagram, but my email is Therapy roulette@gmail.com. And you can write anything like if you're gonna be obscene and waste my time.

Go for it. It's it's the end of 2020 Do your worst. But if you have a real honest problem, issue, something you want to share, write it to me, I'd love to read it. And if if it's worth sharing, or relevant, I'd love to share it. This year, I've really learned that I have limits that I have boundaries. And I need to recognize when I need a break. So I have tried to get better at recognizing when my body is saying Michelle, take a break. Lie down close your eyes meditate just turn off your brain. And although it's really hard for me to, to force myself to take a break have to do it. Because burnout is so so real. There's a book that Bernie Brown was recommending on her podcast called burnout. I'm going to read that because I've been burnt out a lot this year. And I I would like to stop experiencing the state of burnout. It is so exhausting. So I encourage you to take a break. Take a sick day, take a mental health day. Give yourself that time because you deserve it. Welcome to 2021 guys, I hope you all have a lovely New Year. And I hope 2021 has a lot of good and then a lot of positivity. I feel like we're on the way to the dawn. Because we've been in the dark for so fucking long. We are on the way to the dawn. Thank you for listening to Therapy Roulette. It means the world and I can't wait to see you next year. This has been Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent. If you liked this episode, be sure to subscribe. leave a review if you can and tell your friends! I'll be back with a new episode next Thursday

Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / Trauma disguised as comedy / Therapy Roulette: Consent to Vent / If you don’t have problems, then you’re likely repressing sh*t and you should find a therapist / (Who’s not me)