Episode 110- Conquering Silent Struggles Through Educational Advocacy with Katie Selby

Ever imagined turning your deepest struggles into a beacon of hope for others? Katie Shelby, a paraeducator and a warrior who transformed her narrative from silence to advocacy, joins me to share how she conquered language impairment and learning disabilities. Her story is not just one of personal victory but a blueprint for inspiring resilience in students with similar challenges. Katie's journey from a nonverbal child to an educational advocate underscores the profound impact that supportive teachers and strong self-will can have on shaping a student's destiny.

Navigating the educational system with a disability can feel like a solitary trek, but Katie's experiences illuminate the trail. As we converse, we reveal the pivotal role of self-advocacy and the courage it takes to demand the support needed to thrive. From adjusting workloads to graduating college, Katie's milestones are a testament to the power of perseverance. Her work as a paraeducator stands as a testament to the difference one can make, teaching young learners the importance of standing up for their needs early on in their educational journey.

This episode isn't just a conversation; it's an exploration into the heart of teaching self-advocacy skills in special education settings. We dive into the practicalities, from customizing learning methods to connecting with the community, ensuring no one feels isolated in their struggles. Katie's future aspirations as a motivational speaker and author paint a vision of a world where language impairments and learning disabilities are no longer barriers but pathways to empowerment. Furthermore, we tackle the transformative role of communication devices for children who find verbal articulation a challenge, advocating for a collaborative approach between parents and children that champions autonomy and inquisitive thinking. Join us to celebrate the strength in every voice and the collective progress toward a more empathetic and empowering educational system.

Connect with Katie at the following links:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100047780778306&mibextid=haYZDX
Instagram: https://instagram.com/collegematerialgirl?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==
Email: girlnotcollegmaterial@gmail.com

If you enjoy the show, please share with your connections, and leave us a review on your favourite podcast platform. If you want to connect with Amber to be a guest on the show or for any other reason reach out at info@amberhowardinc.com!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to Conversations that Matter with your host, amber Howard. Each week, amber dances, in conversation with inspirational leaders, out to make a difference for what matters most to people. She brings you incredible guests who share their real life experience of being a leader and what it looks like to live a truly created life of service to others. And now here's your host.

Speaker 2: 0:25

All right, welcome back everyone. Welcome back to the Conversations that Matter podcast. I am very excited today to have on the show Katie Shelby, who is a paraeducator. Katie was diagnosed with a language impairment at the tender age of three, and later with learning disabilities at five. She has navigated a world that often seemed indifferent to her unique needs. After receiving her college degree, she began working to support individuals with disabilities in the school setting as well as in the home. Katie supports her students with their goals and helps them to become as independent as they can be. She is on a mission to empower and engage individuals, to be an advocate for themselves and to have the power to lead their educational and life journeys. Katie, welcome. So great to have you here.

Speaker 3: 1:15

Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 2: 1:18

Yeah, education is something that is a topic that's very close to my heart, and especially educating children. For me, it's all about helping them understand how their minds work, so I'm very excited to have this conversation with you today. Tell us a little bit about your journey to get to today and the work that you do and all of the things that are important to you.

Speaker 3: 1:41

Well, as the host had said, I was diagnosed with a language impairment at three years of age and at that time I was completely nonverbal from three years old to five years of age and my parents and teachers ignored my gestures and pointing and were in hopes that I would actually verbally communicate. Well, that didn't work until I was five years old, and when I was five years old I said my first full sentence and to this day I wish I knew what those words, first words, were.

Speaker 3: 2:22

And also and um, also, when I was three years old, I was in a speech in my language and I didn't really have any friends. I played by myself. My only friends from three to five years of age were my brother, alan, and my cousins and my cabbage patch doll, faye Ronnie and then at five years of age, I met my first friend, wow.

Speaker 3: 2:56

And then at five years of age I got diagnosed with learning disabilities and written expression, math and reading comprehension and I was in a self-contained classroom, which means I was in a small class with just other people with disabilities up until second grade. And then in the middle of first grade they went ahead and noticed that I was improving and making strides, so they went ahead and put me in a general education class for a half a semester for math and then in second grade I was fully integrated into the general education setting but still received services for speech and language, occupational therapy and resource for my learning disabilities. And then, as I was growing up, I was a shy and quiet student, so I felt like I was always looked over and I didn't really learn self-advocacy skills. When I was in elementary school or in middle school, the teachers mainly helped the students out that they thought that needed more help and didn't realize that I needed help too.

Speaker 3: 4:27

So, um, and then in my junior year of high school I had a teacher tell me to a special education teacher tell me to, um, go to my general education teacher and ask questions, because it was a class within the class where there's a general education teacher and a special education teacher supporting all the all the students in class. I would always go to my special education teacher and ask questions and say, hey, I don't understand this, but one day she's like Katie, you can do it. Go ask your teacher for support and clarification and if you still don't understand, you know, you can always come back to me for that extra support if you still don't understand. Well, to to this day, I am so thankful that she brought me out of my shell and had me start speaking up for myself, because now I do that and I am teaching students in elementary school to learn self-advocacy skills and speak up for themselves.

Speaker 2: 5:49

So first, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us, katie, and I'm sure there's lots of people who are listening who can relate to having experiences where you know I mean I don't really like the word normal, but you know are outside of what you know. Typically people's experience are in the education system and I'm just so present to the, the power that teachers have and and I think oftentimes teachers don't may not realize just how instrumental they are. You know, sometimes in ways that work and sometimes in ways that don't work. I really, like you know being outside of our mother and our father or immediate family being our first either advocates. You know people who help us understand how capable we are and help us grow, or you know sometimes the opposite. So I'm so grateful that you had that, those supports in this system to really help you become more like, able to advocate for your own, your own needs and the things that matter to you, and now was that the source of your desire to be that for other people?

Speaker 3: 7:05

Yes, and, and another source of me wanting to be that for other people is I had lots of people tell me I shouldn't go to college. A guidance counselor told me that I should just get a job as a child care worker. I had a vocational rehab counselor tell me OK, so you've already gotten your associate's degree. Why do you need your bachelor's degree? I'm like and she made me cry a lot. And then, after speaking with her, I thought to myself you know what? I'm going to go over her head? I'm going to talk to her boss. So I talked to her boss and she was able to understand me and help me get the funding I needed to continue college.

Speaker 2: 7:54

Sometimes those you know I mean as a mom, I'm like imagining you there talking to your guidance counselor and take talking to that resource, people who are supposed to be empowering you and supporting you and creating what you want in life, and and then you know, not getting that kind of encouragement. But I think sometimes those people are are important in our lives as well. The people who try and tell us that we can't do things because they have us dig deeper and and really get clear about what it is that we want and be willing to kind of fight for those things. Get clear about what it is that we want and be willing to kind of fight for those things. So good on you. For you know, not not listening to that people who said I can't. And for the people who said no, and and continuing and getting your college degree, what was that experience like for you being in college?

Speaker 3: 8:41

Well in college. Um, I I well at the end of my senior year of high school and I took a summer class at a local community college just to get my feet wet and see how, what the transition was going to be like. So I started there and then I took three classes at a time instead of the full caseload, which was four credit hours, and I also had support with their access office at the local community college. I went through two access office counselors until I found the right one who understood me and saw my drive and really, really supported me with finishing all my hard classes. That would transition to a four-year college, which was Maryville University, a four-year college which was Maryville University, and she even helped me in when I was in at Maryville University because she saw that drive in me that I really wanted to reach my goal.

Speaker 2: 9:56

That takes a lot of courage, you know, to be able to like, and I've had this experience in my own life, katie, where it's like you know, I'd be in a coaching program or you know doing something and I'll be given a coach or a resource person and the relationship really didn't work. It was, you know, that person was not empowering for me and I even had experiences of trying to speak up and address the unworkability in the relationship and that didn't go particularly well and I didn't put my hand up and say you know what I want another coach. Like you know, it takes a lot of courage to say no, you know what this relationship, whether it's a therapist or you know kind of another type of support person like to say no, this isn't working.

Speaker 2: 10:41

And that advocacy, like you've demonstrated so many times in your life, that ability to advocate for yourself and you know what was the process like to learn, you know, for those people who maybe aren't as effective at advocating for themselves, like what was the process that you underwent or this type of skills that you learned in order to be able to do that?

Speaker 3: 11:09

I just learned that if I want something, I need to go and get it and speak up for myself.

Speaker 2: 11:17

So that determination to have the things that you want, yes, if you look back in your life, where do you think that drive came from?

Speaker 3: 11:29

I think it came from wanting to really do well in school, try to do really good in school, and also came from, too, that I just wanted to go to college, just like my other siblings. Yeah yeah, I just wanted to go to college, just like my other siblings.

Speaker 2: 11:47

Yeah, yeah do you remember, when you graduated, what that felt like?

Speaker 3: 11:57

oh, it felt amazing because it um took me I don't know how many years to get through math at the local community college and my friends and I had like a um bonfire party and we put all the papers in the bonfire and say goodbye to the math and it was just amazing to reach that dream and reach my goal of getting a college degree and showing others that you know what if other people say you can't do it, try your best and you can.

Speaker 2: 12:34

You know, you said something earlier that I think is really critical to or vital to our being able to, to be successful, and that's like you you reduce your course load so you could manage it. And I think you know sometimes people feel like they have to, you know, do things a certain way, and if they can't do it that way, then you know why even bother. But I think it's important to recognize, you know, we all have, and we all have different capacity at different times in our life, and your capacity, one week or one day or one year, might be different. And so like, yes, you can continue to take steps forward and continue to work towards your goal, but there's, or your goals, but there's nothing wrong with saying you know what towards your goal, but there's. Or your goals, but there's nothing wrong with saying you know what.

Speaker 2: 13:19

I'm going to take a lesser course load this this semester, or I'm going to I'm even going to take a semester off because right now I've got some other things that I'm dealing with in my life, but you're still moving forward and you're taking whatever steps you're taking, but you're doing so in a way that kind of takes care of all of the different areas of our, of your life Right. I think that's very important to being able to achieve the things that we want in life. Yes, yeah, so you now provide, like guidance and coaching and support for other, for students with disabilities to be able to, or with other abilities to be able to advocate for themselves. Tell me a little bit about the work that you do.

Speaker 3: 14:00

I am a paraeducator at an elementary school. Go figure, I wanted to go back and help other students in elementary, in the elementary school setting, probably because I didn't get the support I needed. And I want to be there for them and teach them those skills at a young age, because it's very crucial to teach self-advocacy skills at a young age so that they know that when they are struggling with something with a class or if they need help, that they can always go to a teacher or go to even go to a peer and ask for that support.

Speaker 2: 14:43

Well, I mean, I think it's always very inspiring when people who've gone through challenging times like we hear about them going back and making a difference with other people so that they maybe that their experience of being a child in the education system with with special abilities, you know is is easier than than their own journey, than your journey was. So, you know, congrats, you know, kudos to you for for being someone who wants to contribute in that way and is contributing in that way. What's it like working? What are the ages of the students that you typically work with?

Speaker 3: 15:22

well, this year I work with excuse me, um a kindergartner, a first grader and a second grader and then, just like, um, maybe just a mix of other grades as well.

Speaker 2: 15:36

And your work you're teaching them self-advocacy skills. You said yes. Tell me a little bit about the kind of work that you do together to teach them what's the process that you take to teach them those skills.

Speaker 3: 15:52

Well, one of my students struggles with writing, just like I did when I was younger. So what I've told him, or and what the other special education teacher has suggested to him, is like you write a sentence and then one of us will write a sentence, so he knows that if he needs some help he could always ask for that. And with my students with autism, I teach self-advocacy skills by. We have a by a system where one of my students has a card where it says I need a minute to, where, when he's not ready to go on to the next activity, he gets a minute to kind of process and take a break, and then he gets three of those minutes and then we move on to the next activity.

Speaker 2: 16:51

I think I know a lot of people, myself included, who could use a I need a minute card. Wouldn't that be great, you know? You're in a meeting and things aren't going well and you just put up your card, you know, instead of saying something that's going to make things worse or whatever. You know I need a minute. Just give me a minute to process. That's so great. What's the? What's the experience like for you, having been through the journey that you've been through now, working with these kids?

Speaker 3: 17:27

um the. The experience is that I like to see my students be an advocate for themselves and not be shy and not and always asking questions and finding some good peers that are friends with them.

Speaker 2: 17:52

Hmm with them. You had experiences growing up where you were kind of surrounded by other people who had, you know, different abilities, or or or special abilities. What, what did? What did that make available for you, Katie, Like having people who you had shared that shared experience with, shared that?

Speaker 3: 18:15

shared experience with just knowing that um I was in my comfort zone. I um learned that I'm not alone and and that I could always go to my friends and say hey, um did you understand that, or um or like, even teaching them self-advocacy skills as well.

Speaker 2: 18:39

So that I love what you said not being alone. I think that's an experience a lot of us have as human beings, you know, especially if our experience of growing up or living life is not the same as other people's, or I mean, I don't even know what that means.

Speaker 2: 18:54

I mean, I think I don't know that there is any normal experience of living life. I think you know. But so many people feel isolated and alone and and it's not always obvious looking from the outside in that that people feel that way. So I'm I'm grateful that you had, you know, friends and a social circle, that you were able to support each other when you were growing up. How important is that for your students, for their success?

Speaker 3: 19:28

It is important for them to see that, that to see to find their own comfort zone and find their own really social group. At the school I work at I've also helped out with their abilities day and shared my story with them for the past two years and the students really have seemed to get a lot out of my story.

Speaker 2: 19:58

It's very inspiring. I am not surprised to hear that your other people in the school community that you work in. So what do you see for your future? You know you're a paraeducator. What do you? You know what are some of the things that you're. You know you've accomplished so much already, katie. What do you see yourself taking on in the future?

Speaker 3: 20:27

I see myself taking on more motivational speaking. I have done some motivational speaking, but I would love to do much more than that and I am in the process of writing a book about my life story. There aren't that many books about people living with a language impairment and learning disabilities out there, because when I researched it, because I wanted to read a book similar to some somewhat of me, I could not find anything.

Speaker 3: 20:57

So, I just thought, you know what, maybe it's time that I write a book so people can say, oh, she's kind of similar, similar, similar like me.

Speaker 2: 21:07

That that connection of belonging is so important to us as human beings and being able to look up and out into the world and find other people who have shared experiences. So I think that's really powerful that you're taking that on. I you know I can't imagine I was thinking back to what you said at the beginning about your journey. You know, being three to like up until the age of five. I was just hanging out with a three-year-old this week, one of my friends in Bali, her children, her child and Jojo just like talking and talking, and talking, and talking and talking. So much to communicate. And communication is so vital to our ability to like, just be in life. And that must have been very frustrating for you to have. You know, clearly you had things to say and not be able to communicate with, with the people around you.

Speaker 3: 22:05

I do have an example of that.

Speaker 2: 22:08

When I was three.

Speaker 3: 22:09

When I was three years old, I would at my mom's work and this would happen at other places too when I got frustrated, I would just lunge to the ground, almost hitting my head. That's the only way I knew how to show that I was frustrated. And when I was happy and joyful and something really excited me, I would just jump up and down and have a big smile on my face.

Speaker 2: 22:38

And how like did you find that your family and like they were able to understand, like, even though you weren't communicating in, you know verbally that they were able in time to understand what you were feeling or wanting to express.

Speaker 3: 22:57

I, I think so, yes, yeah, I was three years old, so I don't, I think you don't remember, I bet they, I bet they, they did understand.

Speaker 2: 23:08

Well, I think that's you know it's. It's kind of natural for human beings to want to communicate and we'll find whatever ways we can right If, if we don't have the words to you know, I, even as an adult, I think sometimes you know you want to lie on the floor and kick your legs and have a temper tantrum to express frustration. Right, yeah, if you were a child, you know, or a parent of a child listening to this conversation who deals with you know challenges or language impairments or learning disabilities. What would you want them to know? What are some of the things you would want them to know, katie?

Speaker 3: 23:54

I would want them to know to have patience with the child and also, if you have a child that is nonverbal, I would highly suggest a communication device. I wish they had communication devices when I was younger because I could have just used the device and said I want this, I want that, I need help, and that would have really helped me.

Speaker 2: 24:20

So tell me more about communication devices.

Speaker 3: 24:24

They're a device where it's like a tablet and it has words on on their pictures and the child would just press the pictures Like I want voice output device and it would and it will communicate their words.

Speaker 2: 24:46

So for for some children, it's not that they don't know how to form a sentence or or what like think the thoughts of the things, but they don't know how to get it from their, their heads out into the world. That's fascinating, very cool, yeah, no, well, I mean, technology is very powerful for helping us, you know, create new ways to be able to communicate and tools to help us be able to navigate in the world. So, patients, communication devices, what else?

Speaker 3: 25:21

um just understanding, like let let your child like express what they want to see and what their, what their goals are in life, and and um really help them be their own advocates. Like ask them what they need support with in school and and kind of ask, teach them the skills that that they need to be their own own person and their own individual advocate.

Speaker 2: 25:55

I, I remember once, when my youngest son was 10, we was participating. You're talking about you know, asking them what's important to them and what they want you know, and instead of assuming because I think as human beings, we were participating you're talking about you know, asking them what's important to them and what they want you know, and instead of assuming because I think as human beings, we assume a lot of things. And we did this exercise so that he was in a training course for the weekend, keegan. And we did this exercise as parents and grandparents and support people for the children in the course, where they brought in this big whiteboard and they said you know what are, what are your concerns for your child? And like, very quickly you can imagine, this whiteboard was like filled out with all of these concerns that parents had or grandparents had what they eat, what they watch on TV, too much tablet time, drugs, peers, like all of this stuff. And one of the things that I got to see in that exercise is that I was parenting Keegan through my concerns for him.

Speaker 2: 26:47

Now, not like that's wrong, but it's like they're my concerns. I wasn't looking from the perspective of what are Keegan's concerns, what are the things that he thinks he needs support with, versus what are the things that I think are important or I think matters? So I think it's, you know, like it's their life, and building that partnership with your children, regardless of whatever it is that they're dealing with in life, because people deal with things. Children deal with challenges, navigating the world, and so, like building, I love what you're talking about. You know, being in dialogue with them about what they need, versus, you know, often as the adults in the relationship, we make a lot of assumptions about what we think we should be focusing on with our children. It's very powerful, Katie.

Speaker 3: 27:34

Thank you.

Speaker 2: 27:35

Yeah, so it seems like in the process of helping other people achieve their dreams, you're achieving your own. Yes, you talked a little bit about what you would say to parents, but what would you say to the children you know, to children who are dealing with difficulties communicating or barriers to communication and learning?

Speaker 3: 28:06

I would also suggest to the students with communication is just try to process as much as you can and get the words out of the best of your ability and, as well as always, ask questions. There's no bad time to ask a question and maybe, and also finding that peer connection to where you could feel comfortable in one of your classes, to maybe partner up with a peer and be like I don't understand that, how did you? And kind of see there's a way of two people talking it out and always go to the teacher as a last resort to is go to the teacher and ask questions.

Speaker 2: 29:00

What I'm hearing and what you're saying is like just keep doing your best to communicate from wherever you are, with whatever you have, and don't get stopped. And like, if one, if one way doesn't work, then find another way. But I think, um, you know, children having that ability, that that powerful commitment to be heard, you know that that is very important and takes a lot. Um, you know, just in terms of confidence, like build, would build a lot of confidence, like teaching children to to communicate from where they are with what they have, you know, and that what they they're getting answers to their questions is is so important and and builds adults who can critically think and, and you know, interact in ways in the world.

Speaker 2: 29:52

I think a lot of kids kids often ask a lot of questions and inpatient adults who are busy or, you know, like, kind of like I think we teach our children to stop asking questions, not intentionally, but you know, what you're talking about here I think is very important and very powerful for raising adults who can really deal with the challenges of life and and stay committed to the things that are important to them and and ask, ask. I think the, I think the quality. You know I had a coach say this once that the quality of the questions gives the quality of our life. So I think it's important to really look like am I asking the right questions? Am I asking the questions that are gonna get me what it is that I want?

Speaker 3: 30:35

Yes.

Speaker 2: 30:37

Yeah, really good. Well, kitty, it's been so wonderful speaking with you and just really thank you for the. You know. I just really want to take a minute to acknowledge everything that you went through in your own journey to get to where you are today and be someone who can be such a contribution to our next generation. Educating children is what's going to make the biggest difference in creating a more just world and a world where people you know we don't deal with a lot of the challenges that we have today and really who you are, who I, you know, see you to be as someone who's got such a profound commitment that children be heard, regardless of you, know their capacity or their capabilities in life, that children know that they have a voice and know that they, they, they can use their voice to have the things that are that they need and want. And just thank you for being someone with that commitment and being with someone who's out there in the world doing this kind of work.

Speaker 3: 31:34

You're very welcome.

Speaker 2: 31:37

And I look forward to following more of your journey and learning when the book is ready to go, and just keep. Keep using your voice to make a difference for others. If anyone wants to connect with you and with Katie, you'll be able to do so and find out how to either book her as a speaker or try to keep it. Keep up with her journey as she writes her book and finds other ways to continue being a contribution to our children in the show notes. Thank you again, katie, for being on the show. Thank you so much for everyone listening. It was great. I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did and I will talk to you next week.

Speaker 1: 32:18

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For more information on the show and our extraordinary guests, check out ConversationsThatMatterPodcastcom.