Small Steps, Big Growth and Why You Forget Your Ex's Pizza Order

Transcript

Stormy Welcome And A Wine Pour

Speaker 0:09

Welcome to No Stage Lights, a podcast where we go behind the smoke and mirrors of everything from marriage to entrepreneurship. I'm your host, Jonelle Carter.

Speaker 1 0:16

And I'm Terry Carter.

Speaker 0:17

And today it is storming.

Speaker 1 0:20

Yeah, it's we got a good one going, don't we?

Speaker 0:22

We do. And we are talking about stormy things.

Speaker 1 0:27

Stormy things. Yeah.

Speaker 0:29

So first of all, cheers to you. Yes, cheers. Cheers to us. We have a new tradition where we're going to once in a while enjoy a glass of wine. And today, our wine is brought to you by sexual chocolate.

Speaker 1 0:47

Sexual or sensual?

Speaker 0:50

Sexual.

Speaker 1 0:51

Oh, wow. Okay.

Speaker 0:52

Well, yeah. I I mean, yeah. The slowdownwines.com. It's super cool. We're gonna tag them in this, and maybe they'll send us more wine.

Speaker 1 1:00

That's a cool story. I mean, not to get too far into it, but it's college kids, right?

Speaker 1:04

Yeah, it was a bunch of college kids who started making wine in their dorm to go with Wednesday nights and pizza to be I love it already. To be enjoyed with girls.

Speaker 1 1:15

Well, I mean Right.

Speaker 1:17

So how cool. And it's very good. It's a medium body if you're into wine. Yes. And you know we are. So well, while we were preparing dinner, we started talking about our history and our past, which we seem to do a lot.

Speaker 1 1:32

And

Reflection, Exes, And The Pizza Test

Speaker 1 1:33

we were discussing it's good to reflect because then that's you know, that's how you grow.

Speaker 1:38

A hundred percent.

Speaker 1 1:39

You know, you you you learn what you mistakes that you you did along the way.

Speaker 1:44

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:45

And actually then uh mistakes might might might not be the right word, you know?

Speaker 1:50

Yeah.

Speaker 1 1:51

It's everything is a you learn as you go. So everything's for a reason, and then uh that's a you know, overuse saying, but uh well and you build off of that.

Speaker 2:01

You do. Uh they say what do they say? What do they say? They say that it's not failure is redirection. What's the quote?

Speaker 1 2:13

There's a quote that says, like, it's not we may have should have had that pulled up before we're guessing. I don't know. We haven't even started drinking.

Speaker 2:22

Failure is redirection. Yeah no, there is a saying, and it is all about there's no mistakes, there's only redirection. And so my question to you when we were having dinner was do you remember what any of your exes liked on their pizza?

Speaker 1 2:42

No. I know what they didn't like.

unknown 2:46

Me.

Speaker 2:47

You all I'll order an extra large Terry Carter any day of the week. No, so you said you can't remember.

Speaker 1 3:00

I mean, I honestly can't. I mean, I I don't think it was I think if it was something out of the ordinary, I mean, I would be able to remember something like that. You know, I don't think any of them liked anchovies.

Speaker 3:10

Um I like an anchovia.

Speaker 1 3:12

I'm I like either way, it just depends on how heavy it goes.

Speaker 3:16

You know, yeah, a light anchovy is nice.

Speaker 1 3:18

You can't just it can't overtake the pizza, right?

Speaker 3:21

Do you think our brains just like block that, or do you think it's just something that's not relevant in our life anymore? So we don't I think you move on.

Speaker 1 3:29

I think it's it's it's just something that's and it that doesn't mean it's a bad thing, it just means it's something that's just not in your world anymore.

Speaker 3:36

And so it's you grew from that it you know, yeah, but then it's forgotten that's sad, kind of.

Speaker 1 3:42

No, because I guarantee you they don't know what we want on our pizza.

Speaker 3:46

That makes me kind of sad. Like you I feel a little bit forgotten. I do, I don't know.

Speaker 1 3:51

That's just why your ex?

Speaker 3:53

No, I guess just the idea that somebody might forget what I want on my pizza.

Speaker 1 3:58

You I ask you again, how many times are you gonna have pizza with your ex?

Speaker 4:05

No, I'm not having pizza. So for me, I am a very need to be. I'm gonna say this hopefully the right way. I don't mean like need to be seen, like, ah, here I am.

Speaker 1 4:16

I need to feel like you heard and you see like yes, but it but that should only matter to the people that are in your circle, in your immediate circle. It should not have to matter to somebody that is from your past in your world anymore.

Speaker 4:32

That's true. So growth is uncomfortable though, and I think it is an ever-changing thing, and ever, you know, you're growing, we are constantly growing. Just like our tree in the backyard, it didn't grow for like 15 years. I apparently a birch tree doesn't grow for 15 years, and then all of a sudden it grows like crazy.

Speaker 1 4:56

All I know is I picked up about 30 branches today.

Speaker 4:59

Yeah, that yeah.

Speaker 1 5:01

So I'm not a lover.

Audio Passion And Chasing Better Sound

Speaker 1 5:04

I I know, but but birch makes a nice set of speakers.

Speaker 5:08

Somehow I knew you were gonna roll this back into speakers. So if you're a new listener, Terry is an audio geek.

Speaker 1 5:21

Oh my god. No, no, no. I'm I'm a I'm passionate.

Speaker 5:24

You are passionate.

Speaker 1 5:26

Passion. I have devoted my entire life to music.

Speaker 5:29

You have.

Speaker 1 5:31

And I I don't even say willingly because it just it overtook me.

Speaker 5:37

Yeah.

Speaker 1 5:38

It's part of me. And I feel that I enjoy to hear quality sound.

Speaker 5:48

I a hundred percent agree with you. I've learned a lot from you about you know, like the difference between listening through the boombox, Alexa. I don't want to say her name too loud because she she'll be oh, yeah, she's loud. She's blinking. Or, you know, your beautiful system that you put together.

Speaker 1 6:08

But that's still unfinished.

Speaker 6:10

Because it's always evolving, right? Because growth and evolving is always evolving.

Speaker 1 6:15

We're always chasing.

Speaker 6:16

Yeah.

Speaker 1 6:17

But in a good way. In a good way. Because we're always we have something in that that we're striving for, and you have to take the steps, it it's baby steps to get to that. Because sometimes, you know, you don't climb Everest and on your first attempt at climbing a mountain.

Speaker 6:34

So no, no, you don't. So what do you okay?

Daily Micro Steps Toward Growth

Speaker 6:38

So what do you think like in every day tomorrow is you know, say tomorrow is like a I don't know, a a day of the like a weekday, not a weekend, and it's just like a mundane, boring day. What do you think people should do every single day to grow a little bit, taking those little steps that you're talking about?

Speaker 1 7:01

It can be many different things. It depends on whatever opportunity is coming their way. Don't be afraid to take a chance. I mean obviously within reason.

Speaker 7:12

I mean, you gotta I don't think within reason. I think well I think taking a chance. I mean, we've taken big chances in our lifetime. None of them have been reasonable.

Speaker 1 7:23

I'm talking about like swim from Alcatraz if you can't swim. You know, I mean Okay, sure.

Speaker 7:30

I'm talking like personal growth though. Like for me, I like to read and take in content that is healthy, positive, makes me think, mindset focused. That's what I do every day to grow a little bit. I love and intaking, I mean it starts early in the morning for me. My brain works better early in the morning. Your brain works better later at night. It does, yeah.

Speaker 1 8:02

I've always been a night person.

Speaker 8:04

Yes. And I I think I've been both, but I'm more of a morning person. So I like to intake as many things as I possibly can that fuel me up and fill me up and make me feel good.

Speaker 1 8:21

Yeah, I mean learning something new, just trying to even taking something in, and it can be just something as little as like if I was working on a song. You know, even if I don't get the whole song completed while I'm trying to learn it, at least I get at least I've taken that step towards finishing it.

Speaker 8:39

Towards finishing it.

Speaker 1 8:40

You know, it's something I didn't achieve twelve hours prior.

Speaker 8:44

Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 8:45

You know, so I mean it can like I said, it doesn't have to be this huge accomplishment buy the running shoes. Yeah, you can yeah, you can buy the yeah, you know, there's little things you can do. Buy that new pack of underwear. Whether you need it or not.

Speaker 8:58

Yeah. Which you do not need. Have a plethora of underwear. Well, you never know.

Speaker 1 9:07

You can never have too many.

Speaker 9:08

So, and then eventually you you don't I feel like growth is it's so little bitty every day that you don't realize it until one day you're sitting having dinner with your spouse, and you're like, Do you remember what kind of pizza your ex liked? And you're like, Wow, no, I've grown so much from then that I just don't remember.

Speaker 1 9:30

And it's not a negative thing, it's a it's a fact of that again, like I said, they're not in your wheelhouse anymore.

Speaker 9:35

Right.

Speaker 1 9:36

It's not it, it's not it, nor are we in theirs. So it's like they've got their people in their wheelhouse that they that they are concerned with and they you know, and and want to pay the the the correct amount of attention to and give them the love as we do in ours.

Speaker 9:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:52

Just because we're not we've just we're just separated now.

Speaker 9:57

Have you ever no that you're right, and I love that. I love like you need to pay or you want to pay the correct amount of attention to the people who are in your wheelhouse that are giving it back to you. Yes, yeah. I love that. Yeah, because otherwise then it's just wasted energy.

Speaker 1 10:14

And quite honestly, you when it's one way, it's exhausting. If you're the one that's giving all the time and you're not getting anything back, that's tough, man. It is tough. That's tough.

Speaker 10:27

So you know that you and we have talked about this before. There's

Why You Stop Running Into The Past

Speaker 10:32

a theory that once someone in your life has left your life or that season, you don't see them run into them or like ever, just like in the grocery store or in what do you think about that?

Speaker 1 10:52

I you know what I have thought about that, because when you told me about that well, the first time you told me about that, it really hit home because I was uh I I never thought about it until it I my first girlfriend, I think I went 30 years without, you know, and then I actually just, you know, I don't know, I can't remember what year it was, early 2000s maybe or something like that. I saw her for a bleep, uh, you know, just a quick blurp, you know, in passing. I mean, I don't even think we had conversation.

Speaker 11:28

Oh wow.

Speaker 1 11:29

And I it it's just it's so crazy because we lived in the same areas-ish. Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11:38

You know, you weren't like states away.

Speaker 1 11:39

Yeah, and it would it in the way I see it, it was it wasn't like we were, I mean, uh at least on my end, it's not like I was purposely trying to avoid or stay away. Right. It's just the fact that was our worlds just went too. Isn't that and just like split apart? Like I was Pluto and you know, she was Uranus. Uranus, yeah. I wasn't gonna say it. Jeez.

Speaker 12:01

You I I but you were going with the moon. So I mean, we have to have a you know. So but I that is also true for me, I think. You know, I don't I don't really run into anybody. Oh, you but you see, I mean, I think you have intentionally oh no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 12:24

But you're there you're in a situation to where you you have some contact through the children.

Speaker 12:30

For sure.

Speaker 1 12:30

And that's definitely that's that's a whole whole different thing. We're not talking about you know, you have boyfriends and girlfriends are a different thing. Right, you get that common.

Speaker 12:38

Um, that's a little bit different. But people from your even like friends that you know played such a huge part in our lives, like you knew what kind of pizza they wanted every single time. And now it's like, gosh, that person's like almost a stranger to me. I don't know why I'm like so stuck on the pizza thing.

Speaker 1 12:56

I was just gonna say, I mean, you're making me hungry for pizza.

Speaker 12:59

Food is my love language, of course. So, you know, I I don't know. I just that's was my example. Oh no, pizza. But I I would love for our listeners to tell us if they feel like that's true for them, or are you running into them all the time? And if you are, how's it going?

Speaker 1 13:18

I mean, first of all that are they running you over with a car?

Speaker 13:22

Yeah, first of all that. Hopefully not. Second of all, are they still showing up in your energetic field because you're inviting them? Think about it.

Speaker 1 13:34

Subconsciously inviting them?

Speaker 13:36

Yeah.

Speaker 1 13:36

Explain that to me.

Speaker 13:38

How would you subconsciously invite somebody because you're giving that like that per instead of saying, oh, I remember this person, I wish them well, or you know, that that was a past part of my life. I think subconsciously inviting them in means like you're thinking about them, you're hoping to run into them, you're um, maybe by not even realizing it, putting yourself in places where they might be carrying a torch. Right. That's what I mean. Is that threat? Have you ever heard of that like invisible string? Actually, the invisible string is a different theory, but there's supposed to be a theory where we're like tied to somebody, and if you can't let that person go, or if they can't let you go, or say you're running into them all the time, and you're listening to this, like, must be nice. They're not running into this, they're past, and I am. You can do like sort of like the subconscious, energetic cut of the string, and imagine that string like going like off like a balloon, and like you're going off like a balloon, and you go in two different ways.

Speaker 1 14:56

Interesting.

Speaker 14:56

And you can I've never heard of that, you can send them off with love and light.

Speaker 1 15:02

You could, Terry. I'm just I'm just saying, yes, you can. I I was agreeing with you. You can love and light.

Speaker 15:10

I

Video Podcast Awkwardness And Old Seasons

Speaker 15:11

need for everyone to know that like the video portion of our podcast is relatively new. We pot had a podcast for what three years, three and a half years or more, with no video. And so I'm curious. Like they know they saw your facial expression when you said that.

Speaker 1 15:36

You could.

Speaker 15:39

You should.

Speaker 1 15:39

You should, yes. So puppies and cream.

Speaker 15:45

Where's your horn?

Speaker 1 15:46

Okay, I'll stop. I don't know. I gotta find it. Is it missing? No, it's downstairs.

Speaker 15:51

So when we talk about our past a lot.

Speaker 1 15:57

You do.

Speaker 15:58

We both do.

Speaker 1 15:59

You bring it up. But I do, I never bring it up.

Speaker 16:03

Okay, well, all the therapists out there chime in. I don't bring it up.

Speaker 1 16:06

I pass is the past for me.

Speaker 16:08

I but I don't bring it up in a longing thing.

Speaker 1 16:12

Oh, I so you didn't know that wasn't what I was saying.

Speaker 16:14

I use it like a science experiment almost. Like I use it as like I like it.

Speaker 1 16:22

Yeah, you use it as reflection and in a positive way to try to show that you have grown and that you have.

Speaker 16:32

Do you think I show that?

Speaker 1 16:34

I think you try to.

Speaker 16:35

Wait, what do you mean? In a positive no. You think I try to or you think I do?

Speaker 1 16:40

I think you do. I think you re the whole point of reflecting is to see where you where you once were and now where you are.

Speaker 16:47

Do you want to hear something weird? I'll bet I'm gonna like I like thinking about your like different seasons in your life, like who you were you know, in your 20s and your thirties, your four well, I knew you're in your forties, but like I love thinking about that, like different seasons of you. And I think about every single day.

Speaker 1 17:13

Wow, I do. How do you get anything done? Busy brain, I'm like, Wow, that's that just I do. Why? It that just seems like a lot of wasted.

Speaker 17:25

It gives me like an in like a weird like endorphin. It makes me love you more. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe there's a word for it. Well, thanks for making me feel so understood. I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 17:39

Don't know what that word is.

Speaker 17:40

So if you think about like me in my 20s and like who I would like what I was doing, and like who I was like, But I already know what you were doing.

Speaker 1 17:50

You've told me it here's the thing. I don't I mean, I guess that's just the difference in people. I mean, and there's no, there's not there's not right or wrong, but I don't think about the only time I would think about you in your younger days would be as if we were actually discussing that. I I don't ponder that while I'm just what do you think about?

Speaker 18:12

I know what the answer is. It's stereos. Yes, it is, it is, it's stereos. Yes, it is. I know it is.

Speaker 1 18:21

Oh, it's not. No.

Speaker 18:23

So it's I enjoy I enjoy thinking about like, and I guess maybe I enjoy thinking about your growth. Like, I like playing your life in my head, like a movie, and then like landing where you are now. And like so proud.

Speaker 1 18:42

Well, when we met, I wasn't really in a no, neither one of us were equal to. I mean, it's I mean, so yeah, we've definitely both grown from there. I mean, sure. Pretty frightening. And is the heat on? It's like 9,000 degrees in this room. Sorry. I'm back.

Speaker 19:04

Squirrel. You were you're saying.

Speaker 1 19:10

No, I I don't know what was I saying.

Speaker 19:14

You were talking about I don't know what you were saying either. I was listening, but then you threw me off with the I thought there was a fly in here. No, all really to say that I really like I am obsessed with growth. So I don't know if maybe that's part of it, but I striving for growth would be a better term. We're

Walking, Decluttering, And Feeling The Win

Speaker 19:37

gonna go back to to the little steps because I really want to give people an actionable step that they can walk away with and feel like okay, this is something that is like digestible and I can do.

Speaker 1 19:51

Well, because growth can be it's gonna be different for every every person. Sure. And it's like I said, it can be something as simple as, like you said, buy the pair of running shoes. Or, you know what, try the piece of broccoli.

Speaker 20:06

Yeah.

Speaker 1 20:07

You know, try it, you know.

Speaker 20:09

Just see. Uh, it reminds me of when I started started walking. We had a walking journey and for a while, and we need to get back on that journey. But we had dropped our car off for an oil change, and I walked home because I couldn't find anybody to give me a ride, and you must have been working. And uh and but that's like that sparked it. It did. I I walked, we walked for like miles and miles after that. I mean, I would walk back on.

Speaker 1 20:40

The weather's been crappy. Again, not an excuse because we did buy warm gear, so we're just lame as far as that goes, but everybody's gonna have those days. So we are gonna get back to it. But my point is when you do something new and when you do something that you know is a step in the right direction, no pun intended, when you finish it or when you do it, remember how we felt when we got back from from doing that? You know, we worked four miles.

Speaker 21:06

Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 21:07

We were like, heck yeah. And it was it was like eight o'clock in the morning and we were done, or nine o'clock in the morning and we were done with our walk, and it was felt great. And it just was a wonderful way to start the day.

Speaker 21:18

100%.

Speaker 1 21:19

And I think that's and it's so easy to stay in bed.

Speaker 21:22

The bottom line is when you do take those little bitty forward motion steps towards whatever it is you're growing towards or you're striving for, the goal, it it does, it feels so good. Even you know, think about cleaning out your closet. You know, you you start, it can be really well.

Speaker 1 21:42

We just purchased the basement, and that was we got rid of I got I got rid of so much stuff. I got rid of a coat that I've had since I was 16.

Speaker 21:52

That's a that's a whole other problem.

Speaker 1 21:54

Thinking that I was gonna get back into it, and I've actually got down to the weight to where I was, but Our body's not what I realized, it's not the same as what it was when we were 16. You grew out of it. I grew out of it. Just like I grew out of it.

Speaker 22:08

Just like everything else you were doing when you were 16, probably.

Speaker 1 22:11

I was a fat man and a little coat.

Listener Prompts And Closing Cheers

Speaker 22:15

Well, on that note, thank you for tuning in. Thank you. Let us know what you're doing. Like what kind of growth tricks do you have up your sleeve? Are you taking these small steps? Does it listening to conversation about growth? Does it make you want to take a little step? I know it does for me.

Speaker 1 22:32

And uh any suggestions too, you know?

Speaker 22:35

Yeah.

Speaker 1 22:36

Give us some suggestions on how you know what you do for growth and what would be a positive way to move forward. And you know, yes.

Speaker 22:41

We really love our community and we want to connect all of you. So if we don't share your your ideas and your thoughts with us. And hey, if you are into a red blend, bold, uh, full bodied wine, go and check out slowdownwines.com. We are not sponsored by them, by the way.

Speaker 1 23:03

We just like drinking wine.

Speaker 23:04

We would love to be. But check it out. We're gonna sign on out. I'm Jamelle Carter.

Speaker 1 23:09

I'm Terry Carter.

Speaker 23:10

Have a great day, everybody.

Speaker 1 23:11

Cheers, guys. Cheers.