The Dangers of Ministry Comparison

Have you ever looked at the church down the street or on social media and started comparing what you are doing to their successes? If you've ever compared your numbers or resources to another church and fallen into the comparison trap rabbit hole, this podcast will be a great reminder to stay in your lane and trust in God's sovereignty.

Remember, what you do (no matter what size church or how many kids attend) matters. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome to the Kidman Huddle with Amber Pike, where children as ministry leaders get equipped, encouraged, and empowered to disciple with intentionality, growing God's kingdom one child at a time.

SPEAKER_01: 0:16

Welcome back to the Kidman Huddle. Have you ever looked at a different ministry, maybe one in your town, maybe one on social media if you're in all the groups, and you look and start comparing? Now, This isn't the same thing as getting ideas. I think all of us in children's ministry are getting ideas. We are looking and saying, okay, what kind of VBS decor are you doing? Ooh, can I do that? Will this work in my space? Do I have the manpower, the resources, et cetera, to make this? Or we go and we get game ideas, but that's fine. That's well and good. That is, we're doing it. It's helpful. It's useful. But what about when we're actually comparing things? When we look and we see, oh, that church, they had 100 kids for vacation Bible school. I only had 12. Or, man, their families are showing up to this training. I can't get families here at all for anything. When we start to compare our ministry to other ministries, that's no good. We lose our joy. We get in a place of struggle and a place that we're not supposed to be. And it is so easy to do. I will, in full transparency, tell you that I unfortunately go this place more than I'd like to go. I will look at somebody and see what they're doing and be like, well, wait, why am I not getting to do that? I'll give you a real life practical example because this was me this week. I was looking at someone on social media and I am trying to gain, grow my Instagram following. So hey, if you're not following me on Instagram, will you go follow me so I feel better? And I was looking at this person who has not posted in years. There's been no consistent posting and I'm posting every day trying to encourage kid men leaders and stay relevant and following all the trends and all of that. And I look and this person has more followers than me and I'm like, wait, what? How? How? And then I started comparing. And then I started to feel sad and second guess. And we do that. We go and we look at another ministry, another church, another leader, and we say, well, why am I not getting to do that? What am I doing wrong? And my friends, I just want to encourage you. And maybe to fuss at you because I have to fuss at me all the time. So I'm going to transfer my fussing at myself to my fussing at you and tell you to stop. Stop comparing your ministry to someone else's ministry. Nothing good comes of that. And you know what? God didn't place you in that ministry. He placed you where you are. You are right where you are doing what you were supposed to be doing. You are not the church down the street that had way more kids on a Wednesday night than you have. You are not that church down the street or the next town over that has eight times the budget that you have. You're not at that church. God didn't place you in that ministry that you're following on social media and they're just killing it and rocking and everything looks so great. He didn't place you there. He has you right where you are. And comparing, if you've heard that comparison is the thief of joy, it's true. Because when we start to compare our ministries, ourselves, our leadership, our circumstances, our resources, we're hurting ourselves. We lose our focus on what we are accomplishing, where we are, how we are being faithful to what God has called us to do. So what if you didn't have compassion? 2,000 children at VBS, like this one church legitimately saw a picture of 2,000 kids. That was their number, like 2,000 and something at a VBS night. My tiny little country church was ecstatic to have 20 kids last year at VBS. It's nowhere close to 2,000 children at VBS. But you know what? At my little tiny country church, I know that 20 kids came. They heard the gospel. They heard how much Jesus loved them. They felt loved and welcomed and had fun in God's house, being loved on and taught the truth of his word. That is worth celebrating. Now, is 2,000 kids, is that worth celebrating too? Absolutely. But who's to say that one is better than the other? They're both amazing. Kids are hearing about God. So, if God called you to the 20, or God called you to the 2,000, be content where you are, because that's where God has you. So, what do you do when you start to slip into this comparison trap? Well, I give myself some talking to, and I tell myself to stop it. And I tell myself, I remind myself to stay in my lane. Now, for me as a If you define me as like a content creator, you know, I'm writing curriculum, I'm speaking, I'm producing resources for ministry leaders such as yourself. I can't do everything. There are so many things that I can do. And I often have to remind myself to stay in my lane. I was at a lunch with some friends at a conference and both of these ladies were talking about how they were doing like all of this. coaching and these really cool things. And I'm like, I don't get to do that. Why don't I get to do that? And like that, if you didn't hear it on the podcast, that was like a really quick snap if you're listening. Just like that, I went down that comparison rabbit hole. Why am I not good enough? I mean, I've been doing children's ministry for so long. I literally have written the book on children's ministry, intentional children's ministry. It's in the title. Why am I not get to doing coaching? Why are people not seeking me out and doing coaching? And then another other girl, she's got like 20 people she's coaching. Why am I not doing this? And I went so far down this rabbit hole in a matter of seconds that I started to feel so discouraged. And then I said, nope, stop, Amber, stay in your lane. Because what if God doesn't want me to be doing tons of coaching? Because where he does have me right now is he has me writing books. I love writing books. I'm good at writing books. I hope. That's the lane that I'm supposed to be in. So sometimes we need the reminder to stay in your lane. So maybe you love to write, but you just don't have the time to write your own curriculum for your ministry. You don't feel like you're supposed to be writing it in this season. And then you look at other children's leaders who are writing their own curriculum, who've produced their own VBSs, and they look amazing and epic. And then you start comparing, well, why can't I do this? Is it because I'm not good enough? Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Stay in your lane, my friend. Stay where God has you right now. So God has called you to a shmedium-sized church where you have a handful of families, a couple dozen kids. Well, God didn't call you to the multi-site campus at the other end of town. Stay in your lane. When you compare the wins, the successes, you're looking at it through the wrong lens. So this is my challenge to you. I think in the seasons of a lot happening, So VBS season and camp season, we're seeing, you know, all this awesomeness. You're seeing churches come together with these crazy decors that they've made and all this talent and resources that they are showing. You're seeing numbers of kids come out for that. You're seeing people going to camp and salvations being made and decisions to follow Christ. These are awesome, good, exciting seasons. I think when we're talking about like kickoff time, It's another season when we see that or holiday time when we have just those seasons where wins could be visualized. So with attendance numbers, with salvations, with engagement, all of those kind of factors with resources, stuff like that, we easily slip into that comparison and we look at what we have and what we're doing. And then we look at what other people have and other people are doing and the grass seems a little greener on the other side. Stay in your lane. Don't go down the comparison trap. Instead, focus on what God has called you to do. Who has he called you to minister to? What if it's for one? So I had someone tell me when I was in that really rough season—if you've listened to my stuff or read my stuff before, you might know that I was in a really bad church season— I've been a children's minister for many, many, many, many years, you know, like expert in my field. And I was being royally mistreated at the church that I was at. It was bad. I hid in my car after staff meetings. I could go and cry bad. And I had a friend ask me, why are you at a small church? Like you have the credentials to be at a big church. So on paper, absolutely. Yes, I do. I could apply to a big church. Obviously, we've got the whole God calling someone, but paper-wise, if you're looking at credentials, what I bring with my resume, yeah, I should be big church material. I don't want to be in a big church. And I'm not knocking big churches at all. But I know my giftedness is not to run a big church. I think I would quickly hate my job if I were called to mega church or multi-site church. Why? Now, again, I'm not knocking whatever size your church is, but I'm telling you for Amber Pike, what God has called me to is small church ministry because I can be relational. And I'm not saying that you can't do that in big churches. Don't hear me wrong. But I'm saying one of the things that I know God has made me for is knowing my kids. And if you are at a mega, a multi-site church, you know a lot of your time is spent equipping and empowering your leaders because you can't physically know all, you know, 2,000 families at your campus, right?

UNKNOWN: 11:17

Right?

SPEAKER_01: 11:18

But I want to know my kids and I want to know my families. I want my kids to come in and I want to be able to say, hey, how was your sleepover at Lily's house last week? Do you hear back on drama team tryouts? You know, I want to be so involved in their life. They're like, how did you know that? I didn't know that. I've had that happen before. And social media, honestly, it helps. And so I'll ask something about something that happened in their family and they're like, what are you talking about? I don't know about that. And not like spoilers, but I want to know my kids and know their families. And so I know for me, that's small church ministry. On Sunday, just a cute thing to share. We sit in this like overflow section with, we have three pews. I sit in the back pew of this little side section and my mom and my dad sit in the front pew. My son sits next to them. My husband's back running sound. And so my brother and sister-in-law are in the middle pew and Typically, I have all the girls with me. I've got my daughter, my nieces, and then usually another little girl from church is back there too. But on Sunday, they decided, no, they're all sitting up there with Grammy and grandpa. So on the smallest pew of this three section, we've got my son, a niece, a niece on my mom's lap, my daughter, my dad, and then this other little girl from church all there in this tiny little pew that's big enough for three people. And I love it. That's what I'm made for, small church, relationship ministry, the type where you go to birthday parties and I've baked cakes for my kids' birthday parties, not just my physical kids, but my church kids. So if I were to look at going to a large church, a mega church, because, well, look, they've got more kids. I should be where there's more kids. I mean, I would miss out on what God made me for. He made me to love on this small group of kids, to get to form such deep and lasting bonds with them. When we fall into the comparison trap, when we have the grass is always greener on the other side mentality, because apparently this is a metaphor-filled podcast, we're missing out. And we're kind of turning our back on on the giftedness that God has given us and the role God has prepared us for. So if you have recently, like I have, fallen into the comparison trap, my challenge to you is to sit and think about what God has gifted you in and where he has called you. Maybe you need to write down the names of each and every one of the kids that you serve and their families. And look at that list and say, wow, what an amazing calling. What amazing opportunities that I get to pour on these kids and families with the love of Jesus, teaching them the truths of God's word week after week. Maybe you need to print out the roster of VDS attendees, even if it's only a third of a page or a couple of lines. What if it's five kids? Look at those five names or that third of a page, however many is on there and be so deeply thankful that those five kids or however many kids heard the life-changing message of Jesus this summer. If you are familiar with your Bible, hopefully you are, there's this great parable about a shepherd and he had a hundred sheep and one of those little crazy sheep got lost. What did Jesus go and do? Sorry, what did the shepherd go and do? I'm getting ahead of myself. He went and he left those 99 together and he went to find that one sheep because that one sheep mattered. My friends, that one sheep matters. So the thing in your ministry that you... Feel the need to compare to other things. Maybe it's low volunteers. Maybe it's dedicated volunteers. Maybe it's on-fire parents. Maybe it's numbers. Maybe it's budget. Maybe it's a church van. Maybe it's a supportive pastor. Whatever is that thing in your ministry that you compare and you want something different when you compare, I want you to remember the one. Who's that one person? That you are right where you're at for. Who's that one family or volunteer or preteen or teen or preschooler or elementary age kid? Who's that one that that is where you're at? My friend, you need to stay in your lane. Do not compare and think you should be doing this. You should be doing that. You should have this. Why aren't you? Why aren't you good enough? Why aren't you resourced enough? Yada, yada, yada. Don't go down that trap. Remember where God has called you to be, what he has called you to do, the giftedness he has given you. He has placed you right where you are with those specific kids, those specific families, those specific volunteers in this specific point in time, because you are the one that he wants in that place doing what he has planned. And how silly of us to ever for one single second doubt that plan because God is so sovereign. He knows which child needs to hear what from you, which volunteer needs what from you, which parent needs what from you. So, so what that you got two kids in your Sunday school class? What a blessing that is for those two kids. So what if your VBS budget is so tiny that you can afford nothing other than markers and paper? So what? Be who God has called you to be, where he has called you to be, to whom he has called you to be pouring into. Do not compare. Stay in your lane. Be faithful to what God has called you to do because, my friend, that's exactly where you're supposed to be. God knows. He knows where you are supposed to be, how you're supposed to be working, and what you need to accomplish the goal that he has. So when you slip into that comparison trap, go to him. For me, I know this is a thing. It pops up on me every once in a while. And I'm thankfully getting a little smarter. And I give myself a firm talking to pretty quickly, tell myself to stay in my lane, and then I'm taking it to God. I fuss at me first because I know it's wrong. I know I should not go there, but I do. And then I'm asking God for help. God, help me not to be this way. Help me to keep my focus. And then because I think God and I have this... relationship that often involves him shaking his head at me and so yesterday as I'm in this place of comparison and I was just feeling a little I didn't get super down but just a little bit being like well why am I not doing this why is this not happening the way that I want I got a message from someone about how I was making an impact on this person and And it's like I felt God shaking his head and he goes, Amber, you dummy. Now, I don't know if God would call me a dummy, but this is the message I received because I know better. I know better than to go in this. But he is so good and he is so faithful to remind me exactly of why I'm doing what I'm doing and the way that he has called me to do it right now. And I pray that if you're in this season, that he reminds you exactly. He sends the person, the text, the big hug from the kid, the sweet note to treasure forever to remind you of that one that you're doing it for. Because if all that you're doing it for is one, that one matters. One eternity is making a huge difference. 2,000 eternities making a difference. But that one is no less important. So friends, Do not compare. Take joy in the fact that God knows you. He knows your giftedness. He knows how you can best fit the specific needs of the church that you're at right now. Trust him and his sovereignty. Trust that he will give you what you need. Place you where you are. Stay in that lane, friends.