Signs of an Unhealthy Kidmin

We want to have thriving, successful children's ministries. How do we know if our ministries are healthy or not? What should you watch for and how you can you fix any problems? This episode talks you through for major health areas for your children's ministry. 

#healthykidmin #intentionalchildrensminsitry #kidmin #doctrine #yourCurriculumMatters

Transcript

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Welcome to the Kidman Huddle with Amber Pike, where children's ministry leaders get equipped, encouraging, and empowered to disciple with intentionality, growing God's kingdom one child at a time.

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Welcome back to the Kidman Huddle. As you can hear in my voice, I have been sick this last week. And that got me to thinking, because of course in children's ministry, we're going to use absolutely everything as an illustration, right? Signs of an unhealthy Kidman. Now, if I'm talking like me being sick, the signs, you know, my voice is stuffy. I stayed in bed for days. It was planes. They're just germy, right? But what makes an unhealthy Kidman? So I have four different signs and the last one might be a little toe stepping on. So make sure you hang out. The first sign of an unhealthy Kidman is if you have a low view of the Bible. So what does this look like? This looks like maybe your lessons are more moralistic instead of biblically based. Maybe your lessons are really just to have fun. It's that sprinkling in of Jesus, which is a term that just irks me. If you have too high of a view of fun, if fun is the purpose of your children's ministry, maybe your view of the Bible is off. If you are picking and choosing which parts of the Bible you are teaching as truth, this is an unhealthy sign. If you're not standing on the authority of God's word, you believe that not all of it is true. You don't have to teach all of it. That is a sign of an unhealthy children's ministry. Why did I pick this one as the first one? There are lots of things that we can point out and be like, yep, that's an unhealthy children's ministry because this is the most important. If we mess up our view of the Bible, if we have an incorrect view of the Bible, we are hurting children spiritually. We are not running ministry as we should. John 17, 17 tells us that God's words are true. All of his words are true. We do not get to pick and choose which parts of the Bible that we are teaching because We need to teach it as truth and we need to teach boys and girls how to stand on the whole truth of God's word. It is our authority. It is sufficient. It is without error and we need to teach it as such. When we have a low view of the Bible, our children's ministry is really unhealthy. So maybe some of that resonated with you and you're like, hmm, our view of the Bible is not where it needs to be. Maybe you believe that the Bible is true. Completely true, but you're not teaching it that way. Maybe that's where the unhealthiness comes in because you're placing the emphasis on events to bring in people instead of growing children in God's word or something like that. So what do you do? Well, after some evaluation, maybe you need to switch up your curriculum. I talk a lot about curriculum because really that's the point of children's ministry. Like that's what we're doing. We are teaching boys and girls about Jesus. We are helping them to become lifelong disciples of Christ. That happens through our curriculum, the messages we're teaching. So maybe you need a Bible-centered curriculum. I've said it once. We'll say it a million times more. Not all curriculum are created equal. There are many out there that do not have the correct view of the Bible. They are teaching moralistic theology. They are teaching something, and it doesn't stand on the Bible. What curriculum are you teaching? Is it showing the correct view of the Bible? Is it doing a job of discipling boys and girls, grounding them in the truth of God word? Um, also with this, think about your leaders. The Barna group has came up with a statistic that said four to 8% of American adults have a truly biblical worldview. Now I'm not a math person, but I know that's a terrible statistic because Less than 10%. So half a person out of a group of 10 is standing on God's word. That means you're leaders. Potentially do not believe that the Bible is completely true without error. Are you training your leaders on how to have a biblical worldview? Are they being strengthened? Are they being fed? Are they growing in their faith with the Bible as truth, as center? Because if they're not, this could be a reason why your children's ministry is unhealthy in regards to how it views the Bible. Do you know what your leaders believe? You need to. And you need to be feeding them, strengthening them. Renew Nation is a wonderful resource. We have a free magazine. It comes out twice a year. Answers in Genesis has tons of stuff. The Colson Center, Breakpoint, has lots of great articles. Summit Ministries is another one, very worldview-based. Also, just, you know, the Bible. We need to read the Bible. Make sure you're growing your leaders, knowing what they believe. Like I'm very choosy with my kids. You think I would let someone go in and teach not knowing what they believe about scripture? We must have a correct view of the Bible. That is a big, big red flag for an unhealthy children's ministry when we don't believe God's word. Number two, a sign of an unhealthy Kidman is if you have a high volunteer turnover. This looks like you are always begging for help. We need volunteers. We need volunteers. We're going to have to shut down rooms. We're going to have to cancel this if we don't get volunteers. Maybe you get some volunteers, but they don't stick around. They're out of there in one, maybe two, three months tops. Or maybe you have a ton of very disgruntled volunteers who just stopped showing up. Think about your volunteer culture. How many of them are staying? How many of them return? How many of them do you keep once you get? Maybe they're coming to help for VBS. Do they come back after that week? Do they turn into a regular volunteer? Unhealthy volunteer culture, high turnover, all that. Well, it could be that you've not trained them. Think about it this way. If we are asking someone to come and be a part of something, but we have given them zero tools to succeed. We've not trained them. We might give them the material, but they don't know how to use the material. They don't know our systems, our policies. We're not giving them the help that they need, the resources they need to make it happen. Why would they want to stick around? It's a lot of work. And it's kind of like you're set up to fail. Who wants to go into a position where they are doomed to fail? Nobody. That's why you don't have volunteers. So you need to train your volunteers. Training is key, both in the simple. This is how we operate. I tell the story about VBS where I got new teachers and I just assumed because one of them had been in our church forever. I assume they knew how VBS ran just schedule wise and they didn't. And they're like, Amber, we need we need a little more. Stop and tell us what to do. And that was an aha moment for me. I just assumed that they knew the thing. So I went over. Here's your kit. Let me know if you have questions. And boy, did they. We have to train our volunteers. You probably need to evaluate. If you're having a red flag or volunteer culture is not working, evaluate the culture. See if you can identify the problem. Why are your volunteers leaving? Is it because you've got just one person who is... Debbie Downer, super nasty attitude, driving people away. Maybe that person needs to be removed from serving. Are they being turned away because they're overwhelmed? There are too many kids and these kids are wild and they don't have enough help. Are they going away because they're not being trained? Are they going away because you recruited the wrong people and you had this, anybody will do mentality. We just need a warm body to make sure no one dies. Then they don't feel that they're needed or valued. Are you begging for volunteers, but then you're not allowing them to lead? So they're like, there's no reason for me to be here. I'm not actually necessary. I don't get to do anything. Evaluate, maybe talk to some of those trusted Kidman leaders who have stuck around or some that you have a good relationship with that left. Hey, be open, be honest with me. Tell me what was the problem? Because this is a problem and we want to fix it. Sometimes too, you need to make sure you're thinking about not just your recruitment. We want to get people, but then your retention plan. How are you planning on keeping them? Part of that is appreciation. When's the last time you told your volunteers? Thank you. Like a legitimate, not just a, Hey, thanks for being here on their way out the door. When is the last time they got a Sunday off to worship with their families? When did you give them a little treat, a gift, a text, a note, a Happy mail. It's a thing. Send cards to your volunteers. Snap some pictures of them serving. Print it out. Email it to them. However, what you're doing is important. We need to make sure that we're casting the vision for children's ministry. We're not just babysitting. We're not just passing out coloring sheets. We're not just holding things together while the grown-ups are doing their thing. We're disciple makers. We're teaching boys and girls the truths of God's word so that they can walk with him. Do your volunteers know that? Do they know how important what they're doing is? I'll tell you a quick story. In my sickness, I was running a fever, so I did not need to be at church. And you guys know it's tough to not be there, to have to make the call like I can't power through. Like if I was like this, I would have powered through. You know, I've got some lingering cold systems, but I was running a fever, couldn't go. And my regular sub now, remember, I'm small church. My regular sub couldn't be there. I got no other subs. We're a small church, right? Because I know I want someone who is going to do a good job. So my plan was I got Sunday school covered, but for children's church, I'm like, I'm just going to, the kids are going to be up in worship. I'll make an activity guide for them. Sermon notes. You know, we regularly, you know, four or five times a year we're up through the service. So it'll be fine. And my mom, who is not a children's person, um, She likes her kids. She likes her grandkids. There's a, you know, a handful of kids throughout the years that she has liked, but she's not a kid's person. She didn't babysit as a teenager. She very begrudgingly served in children's ministry when I was a kid until pastors like you hate this, don't do it. So not a kid person. And my mom is like, I'm going to teach for you. And I'm like, it'll be fine, mom. Like, it'll be fine. She's like, no, this is important. And I'm going to teach. She's like, I hope we'll do okay. And so I got her the lesson, you know, side tip, make sure you have easy sub lessons, low tech, low prep for those last minute emergencies, right? This is the day before church. And my mom was so worried about teaching this lesson, not the, Oh, how am I going to handle a class full of kids? But the, what if I don't do a good enough job and they don't hear what they need to hear? Because my mom understands children's ministry. She, being the benefit of being my unofficial editor, has read so much of what I have written. And she sees that that one hour is so important. That we don't waste that time. That we don't just fluff. And she knew. She's like, what? Those kids... half of which were her grandkids. She's like, they need that hour. They need to be taught the truth of God's word. We don't need to waste it. Now, I'm not saying corporate worship is wasting. Not at all. We did have some VBS kids that we're hoping will become regulars there. So she was so glad that she went. If it had been our kids, it would have been different. But she understands the importance of children's ministry. And it kind of teared me up. My mom, who doesn't like kids, understands. This hour is so important. We are not babysitting, we are not filling time, and we are teaching them truths of God's word. Do your volunteers know that? If not, it's an unhealthy sign. Make sure that your volunteers are being equipped, they're being trained, they're being appreciated, and they understand the vision, and then hopefully you'll have less turnover. All right, sign number three of an unhealthy church. If you are not meshing with your senior leadership, Whether this is your senior pastor, whether you are deacon elder led, committee led, however your church is structured. If the children's ministry is kind of its solo thing that just doesn't get along with everybody else, that's unhealthy. I say this as someone who was in that situation. It is unhealthy for you and for your ministry. So this could look like you all have different visions on what is important. different visions on what should and should not be happening. This could look like you, if you're the leader in charge or your children's ministry being left out. So churchwide decisions are being made, but you don't even get invited to the conversation or decisions are made and you're informed about it later. Once that involve you, not like you have to know, well, the bug man's coming here on Tuesday, not like those kinds of decisions. Um, Maybe this is leadership that doesn't value you or the children's ministry. Leadership that doesn't see the importance of discipleship for children. Leadership that just thinks it's a bunch of babysitting and wasting the money. This could look like the budget not accurately reflecting that children's ministry is an important part of your church culture. I come to you as someone who was in this who would leave staff meetings and go hide in my car and cry for a little bit during my workday because there was not good alignment between me, the children's ministry, and the church. And that was speared from senior leadership. So first of all, if this is you and you are in that unhealthy situation and you need a friend, please reach out to me. I'm all over social media, Amber Pike, Intentional Children's Ministry, apikeatrenewanation.org, apike0292atgmail.com. Please reach out to me. I've been there. I have gone through the most ridiculous stuff in a church that a leader should not have to go through. And so I will give you a big virtual hug and commiserate with you because I was there. So what can be done if you are in this unhealthy situation? Prayer. So much prayer. What are you supposed to do? So I went through this season. If you've listened to old episodes, I really, I don't give a lot of details because I want kingdom work to happen. And it was, it was messy and it was raw. And if you listen to enough stuff, you'll hear, you'll hear things. But during this kind of two, two and a half year season, things got bad and things escalated. You know, the first, first few years of the church were fine. Um, I have some, I'm not even going to call them regrets because I handle things the way that I thought I was supposed to handle them. And I chose to be silent. I would speak up for myself in, you know, staff meetings and stuff, but I didn't approach it in church business meetings when I could have, should have. Why? Because God was removing me from that position.

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Um,

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He was moving me out of church staff. And this is how he was going to get me to do that. Because I was like, it was like white knuckle and holding on, not going to go. You're going to drag me kicking and screaming God. And this is how he had to do it. So I spent so much time in prayer. Do I stay? Do I go? Do I fight? Do I stand? And for the most part, my fight was kind of silent. That, that passage in Exodus 14, the Lord will fight for you. You just have to be silent and, But prayer. Pray, how are you supposed to respond? For me, that unhealthy Kidman leadership relationship was supposed to be me leaving. And I saw that with absolute clarity on the other side of it. This might be the case for you. It might be that you're supposed to step down from this particular situation. Pray. Pray. Seek wise counsel. I found help in friends who've gone through similar things. It was a friend who opened my heart to what God was ready to at that point tell me that I was supposed to walk away. But if you're not supposed to leave, what then can happen to rectify? Because you can't stay in that. You cannot continue for it to be such a toxic relationship relationship. between church and Kidman. It has to go together for ministry to be successful. There needs to be alignment. You guys need to be on the same page. Well, maybe there needs to be some open conversations. If you feel like you're being mistreated, if you feel like you're being left out, not heard, talk to them about it. Now I am a, I like things in a written letter. And I get myself in spot water with that. So use your discretion, whether you want it in writing or not, but have some open conversations. Be willing to maybe see where you were in error. Don't go in wagging your finger. Well, you open conversations, open hearts, remembering the goal that you want to rectify the situation that you want these relationships healed. You want alignment. Maybe it's just a misunderstanding. Maybe you need some talk about vision. Maybe you feel like the friction is because your vision for the children's ministry is different from the church's vision. There needs to be alignment in the vision. So have a conversation about visions. Be your own advocate. So if you feel like the children's ministry is being left out, is not being seen as important, how often are you sharing the wins? A friend of mine, Kevin from I Teach Church, he wrote a great article one time and it was about being the first to kind of toot the horn of the children's ministry and staff meeting. Let me tell you about how awesome of a week we had, even if it wasn't like we were in 17,000 new visitors and it was amazing. It doesn't have to be like that. Just man, the growth that we've seen in the kids in the last month. Oh, summer camp was so great because during VBS, we did be willing, be the first to, to share what's happening in children's ministry. Kind of on that same thing, you need a good relationship with your senior pastor, your senior leadership. So wins need to be shared, but also problem spots too. That was one of the best things my first pastor I served under told me. It was that, hey, I want to always have your back, but I can't have your back if I don't know. He's like, no, I will stand with you. And if you're wrong, I'm still going to stand with you, but I'm going to tell you that you're wrong. He's like, but I need to know about it first. So if there's a problem, parents are mad and something got broken, whatever, go to your senior pastor. It's not a you versus them mentality. You all are part of a team doing kingdom work. So do what needs to be done to help that situation. Open, honest conversations, lots of prayer. But if situations can't be fixed, God might be moving you. So pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. All right, number four, the last of my list. There are so many other signs of an unhealthy Kidman, but the last one is that there's no spiritual growth happening. Now, I said, teased you up in the beginning that this is going to be a little bit of a shocker, maybe, or a toe-stepper honor, rather. Numbers aren't always the best measure of success. Now, in the Baptist world, back in the day, especially, numbers were where it was at, right? We are measuring success by how many people go, how many members there are. That's not necessarily the best measure of a successful children's ministry. It is a factor that does need to be considered, but I am small church. I'm always going to have low numbers. We had 25 kids at vacation Bible school. Now you might be sitting there thinking, wow, Amber's VBS stunk. That was terrible. But you know what? My little tiny church, This is the second VBS that it's had in like a decade plus, like 12, 13 years. They didn't have a VBS for well over a decade. We don't have that many kids at church. So for us, that's a big number. That's great. But numbers aren't the only measure of success. It is a factor, but it's not the only thing. If you do not see any signs of spiritual growth, however, that can be a sign of unhealthy children's ministry. So Are professions of faith happening? From kids. I'm looking at kids, definitely the whole church, but just specifically kids. Are professions of faith happening? Are kids growing in their understanding of Bible knowledge, the biblical narrative? Are they having personal conviction? So are they understanding their sin and their need for the Savior? Are some of them getting closer to salvation? Are verses being memorized? Are Fruits being shown. Are they being kinder, more inclusive of their friends? Are they showing more self-control? Are fruits happening? Is spiritual growth being seen? If not, this can be a sign of an unhealthy children's ministry. Now, I don't mean radically from like week to week, but you know, if you're looking at a six month snapshot of, okay, my kids from here from January to July 1st, Did you see any growth? If not, there could be some unhealthiness happening there. So what can you do? Well, check your curriculum. It goes back to the curriculum. Is it doing a good job of teaching meat and potatoes, theology and doctrine? Or is it just a lot of fun teaching the same little stories? I don't even like the word stories in children's ministry. I want my kids to learn doctrine and theology. I want to teach them truths of God's word. Have I been training my teachers to where they're doing that? Maybe you have a great curriculum, but the teachers aren't teaching the curriculum. Do you know what's happening in the classroom? Are kids so wild? Is discipline such a problem that that super amazing lesson that has been faithfully prepared by those equipped, trained, excited, passionate children's ministry volunteers? Can the kids even hear that? Maybe you've got a discipline problem that is keeping spiritual growth from happening. Maybe there needs to be some more intentionality in your children's ministry. I talk about your facial expression, your body language, your relationships. Are all of those things maybe weak and need some strengthening? How are you measuring spiritual growth too? If you're a small church like me, you can just look and see. But if you're not the teacher in the classroom every week, how are you seeing? Are the kids growing spiritually? What ways are you putting in place to measure? Are you keeping accurate attendance, professions of faith? Are you marking all of these things? How are you measuring it? Maybe you need to shift the mentality. If your church is numbers-based, maybe you need to shift to growth-based. How are you measuring the spiritual growth of the kids and seeing if it is happening? So all of these and more can be signs of an unhealthy children's ministry. And how do you know if your children's ministry is healthy or unhealthy? Well, you got to do some evaluation. You have to sit and look and see. You have to be present. You have to be giving it your all. You need to be involved. You need to be talking with your children's ministry leaders. And then honestly, you got to be humble. You cannot go in and say, I'm amazing. I am just rocking this ministry. Everything's going great. No problems. You got to be willing to face some hard facts, maybe things that you would rather not admit to yourself. Why? Because we want our children's ministries to be healthy because of what we're doing. We are discipling boys and girls. We are making eternal kingdom differences for these kids. And we want to be doing all that we can do for those kingdom decisions to happen for kids to grow in their faith and their walk with Christ. So I challenge you, um, Is your children's ministry healthy or do you have some signs of sickness going on? What needs to happen to move your children's ministry from an unhealthy one to a healthy, thriving children's ministry that sees boys and girls walking as lifelong disciples of Christ? Evaluate, talk, think, pray, make a plan because what you do matters.