Kidmin Leadership Lessons: Quieting Your Inner Voice

If you've ever struggled with feelings of doubt or fear or fallen into the comparison trap as a kidmin leader, then this episode is for you. Discover practical tips for overcoming self-doubt, fear, and comparison in your ministry, as well as how to embrace your unique journey and grow as a leader.

Check out what leadership books Amber has been reading: 

Soundtracks by Jon Acuff - https://amzn.to/4v47a9g

Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki - https://amzn.to/4dRXFnh

The Art of People by Dave Kerpen - https://amzn.to/3O8LRmh

*These are affiliate links. If you make a purchase through these links, I may earn a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

Amber Pike (00:01.262)
Welcome back to the Kidmin Huddle. So apparently this year is the year of self-improvement for me, or at least the year to read all of the self-improvement leadership books. I think I just finished book like six or seven of leadership self-growth. Now that was like book 35 that I finished. I'm doing great on my reading goals, but I'm reading all this stuff about being a better leader or growing myself. I don't know why I'm loving it, but I am. So...

Today, we're talking about some Kidman leadership lessons. Whether you are the leader in charge, you are part of a team, this still applies to you, especially when it comes to listening to your inner voice. We all have an inner voice, and some of ours are nicer than others. I, spoiler alert, I do not have a very nice inner voice. She's kind of mean to me. But our inner voices, and I'll talk more about that in a minute, our inner voices can give us some thoughts that...

lead us a little bit on the struggle bus. Things like, I'm not good enough. I'm not effective as a children's ministry leader. Well, the church down the road, it does X, Y, Z, and that's why we're not doing, or it has X, Y, Z, and that's why our ministry's failing. If I only have da, da, da, da, da, da, da, any of these sound familiar? Things that maybe that mean little voice in your head says, you're not good enough. You're never gonna be like this person. Your church is never gonna do this.

It's those negative thoughts that quite frankly creep up when they especially don't need to. I have found that those negative thoughts are more prevalent when something big is happening. For years, my pattern was very similar when I would have the biggest audience. So when I was going to lead a breakout at a big conference, that's when those negative thoughts would really strike.

That's when just something would happen that would cause me to doubt myself or get down on myself. And I started recognizing the pattern to the point like I would be physically sick. I would get sick or something would happen and all this. And I'm like, haha, yeah, I'm speaking in a couple of weeks. I've got ministry leaders that I get to pour into. So of course things would be going this way, right? Sometimes I think we give Satan a little too much credit, but sometimes it is his doing.

Amber Pike (02:26.54)
So whatever reason it was, it's no surprise that that is when those negative thoughts, those mean inner voice thinkings are going to attack when kingdom work is at stake. So if this is you, if you have ever had those self doubts, those negative thoughts about yourself, about your ministry, which is different than constructive criticism, we need to grow in this. This is the, I'm not good enough.

This is not good enough. I'm failing. da da da da. Know that you're not alone. I have been teaching for 25-ish years. I really had to actually like do the math one time. I was 15 when I started. So there you go. I have written several books. I have contract written for so many of the major publishers out there. Right? So like I know what I'm doing.

I have left home from church in tears so many times thinking, why am I doing this? I am not effective at this. Like I'm the worst. I am making no difference. I have had kid men envy. Well, if only I had this, if I could do this. I'm not like that and I'm not doing things like that. So of course I'm I'm failing. I have more than once thought I stink and not like actually smelly stink, but just in children's ministry or speaking.

or writing, you are not alone if you have ever felt this way about your leadership and your role in children's ministry. So I have a couple of practical tips to help stop those thoughts in their tracks because realistically, they're not true. Hopefully they're not true that you are not terrible.

And I'm going to assume if you're listening to a children's ministry leadership podcast, that it's not true because you're wanting to be better because you know what's at stake for these boys and girls. So a couple of practical tips to stop those mean and or voice thoughts. Number one, stop comparing. You are you. You are called to be where you are called to be to lead the ministry that you are currently leading with the families that God has put at that place. You are not the church down the road.

Amber Pike (04:44.684)
You are not the ministry that you see on Instagram. You are you. You are where you are at with the resources God has given you. And we have to learn to be content there. This one, real talk here, this one is one that gets me a lot. Not necessarily in the church setting, but in the, like to use the cheesy term, in the ministry influencer sphere.

I will look at something that I've done and I will be like, why am I not like, look at my Instagram followers. If you're not following me, go follow me so I can feel happier. But I will look and I'm like, why is this person, why do they have that many followers? Like, what am I doing wrong? Why am I not more popular? And I get really down sometimes when I start comparing and then God is so good and he will send me someone.

And that someone will be like, hey, you said X, Y, Z, and I have started doing this and I just wanted you to know. he is so, God is so patient with me because I think my skull is really thick and I don't always get it the first, you know, dozen or so times. And I'm finally getting to a place where I've realized that I'm exactly where I need to be. God has put me where I need to be and he is going to make sure that I speak to the right people.

the people that he has a certain message for. And I need to be okay with that. So if I never become social media big, if I never accomplish my goal of mainstaging at a major conference, that's okay because I'm right where God needs me to be and I'm speaking to who he needs me to speak to. And if it is one, then it's worth it. So ministry friend, you might always be in a small church or medium church or large church or mega church.

Wherever you're at, if you're making a difference in one person for the kingdom, you're winning. Eternity is at stake and that one is worth it. So stop comparing yourself to other ministries. Do ministry where God has placed you with what he has given you. Number two kind of goes along with that. Stop keeping up with the Joneses. And we do this in ministry. Have you ever been tempted to go buy something because someone in ministry has it?

Amber Pike (07:07.166)
or to do something that maybe didn't really align with your plans, but well, that group did it and that looked really cool. You are where God has you with what he has for you. Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. Now that's not to say that we shouldn't get inspiration from. Like let's say the, I see this a lot, the Bible buddy adoption stuffed animal thing to get kids reading the Bible.

That's not to say that you can't see that online and be like, I love this. I think this would work great and want to do it. Awesome. If that fits in with your plans, sure. But I'm talking more of the, you look at that church on social media and their VBS has 700 kids and you instantly start feeling, well, I'm a failure because I don't have 700 kids at my VBS. That's the keeping up with the Joneses we need to avoid. That envy of

I mean, I see that and I want to do that. Don't keep up with the Joneses. It's this contentment. know, Paul, he was content in what he had and what he was doing. And we need to have that with where God placed us because he absolutely has placed us where we need to be. And we need to be okay with that. He's given us what we need. Be content, be content. We're not keeping up with the Joneses. Number three.

Sometimes we need to ignore that inner voice. Yeah, remember I told you my inner voice is mean? Sometimes I just need to tell her, go sit in the corner and be quiet.

Amber Pike (08:43.982)
You need to ignore that inner voice because sometimes that inner voice is fear. Right? mean, why would you, why would you want to write a book? Why would you try to do that? You, you're going to fail. You're going to fall on your face. You should not try to write a book. No, no. Tell that inner voice to go sit quietly in the corner. She's in time out. You have been called.

So what if you are volunteering right now at church and you just feel you felt this pressing on your soul I need to go and ask I want to see if they will hire me full-time because I just I'm passionate for this But then that inner voice is like no you can't do that. You're not gonna be effective They're not gonna listen to you who would hire you? Ignore that inner voice This is not the same constructive

inner voice that we need to listen to like, hey, this event was kind of rocky and we need to do better. This is the messaging of doubt and fear and we need to ignore those. Go away mean voice. I think we're hardest on ourselves and I have always been that way. I've always been so hard on myself. Example, I don't like to read anything that I've written after I've written it. Once it is done, it is done. I'm not going to read it because

I guarantee you I could take my book. I could take intentional children's ministry, which I'm so proud of and I could read it and I would sit and read it and I would be like this stinks. Why on earth would I write this? No wonder nobody wants this is horrible. Is that true? No, but that's where I would go because my inner voice is kind of mean to me. We need to ignore it. We let doubt and we let fear rule our decisions sometimes and we just need to put a stop to it. The other day I was starting to go down that doubt.

hole that I'm not good enough. I'm not doing good, whatever. And I successfully told my inner voice to go sit in the corner. And she did. I did not let it get me down. I brushed it off. We're going to have things that happen. You're going to have events that flop. You're going to have days when it doesn't go well. Quite frankly, this past Sunday for me was a, it didn't go so well. The kids sang and it was adorable. They did a great job.

Amber Pike (11:00.782)
But they were really wired in class. And so the pastor, we got in there later because we had a little more in the sermon. We had a baby dedication and kids were singing and worship. So we got in there late and he ended earlier. So I had less lesson time and the kids were a little extra squirrely because they were all hyped up. They got to go sing in front of mommies and daddy and the grandmas and grandpas. I could have been discouraged. I get discouraged when I think I've got a great lesson and they're not listening to me. They're not participating. They're not getting it. But I didn't let it. I said, nope.

I mean, in my head, said, nope. Ignore that inner voice. Sometimes we need to. Number four, we need to keep growing and keep learning.

Amber Pike (11:42.796)
Sometimes we can be good and constructive criticism, even if we're really hard on ourselves, and I'm really hard on myself. But sometimes we do, we need to be able to self-evaluate and be like, okay, this went great. Here's the positives. Here's the you need to work on for next time. But that's good. That's good. We need to keep growing and keep learning. We should never settle for good enough. I'm a good enough leader.

I teach well enough. I articulate the gospel well enough. Good enough. I lead my team pretty well. Good enough. We want to keep growing and leading as a leader because what we're doing is important. Whether you are paid or not paid, volunteer, staff, whatever your role is in children's ministry, always keep growing and keep learning. We want to be better. We want to do better. We want to

go to where God has placed us. He might move us. He might grow us uncomfortably. He loves to do that. And we need to be willing to go along with it. My mom is amazing. Soon you guys will get to meet her on a podcast. I've started working on a little something something. But my mom knows me so well. And she had said,

Seven eight years ago, maybe maybe longer She's like you are not gonna be in children's ministry much longer because God is calling you to be a teacher of teachers I'm like no mother. I love where I'm at. I love teaching children. No, I'm good and Wouldn't you know what that she was right? God had to uncomfortably grow me. He had to push me out of where I was comfortable through a very painful process

and move me where he needed me so that he could grow me. So my friend, you might be in a spot where God is gonna push you out of where you're comfortable and he might grow you in uncomfortable ways. But at the end of it, I promise you, you will be so thankful. You'll be so thankful what God did, how he moved you. On the regular, just be willing to grow and go where God says, grow and go. There we go. We're gonna grow and go. So listen to podcasts.

Amber Pike (14:10.464)
read books, learn from other leaders. While we shouldn't be comparing what we're doing to what the church down the road is doing or what that company is bringing out, we can learn and grow from these things. We can get inspiration and we can get ideas. I don't remember if I talked about it in a podcast. I definitely did on my blog and my social media. My boss got me a book for Christmas, which is like the best gifts to give me other than donuts and coffee. Those three favorite things.

And it was called steal like an artist. And it's this mindset of there's really nothing new under the sun and everything we're doing is basically stealing an idea and tweaking it and proving upon it. We can do that in children's ministry. We see something and we go, okay, love the concept. Here's how it's going to work in my context. That's growing. Growth is helpful. Striving to be better is helpful. Yes, that's why I'm apparently reading all these leadership books and all this stuff. But it's when that negative

inner voice, that's when we need to ignore it. I talked about mine and I said mine's mean. She's a lot and she's mean. She's not kind to me a lot. To the point, super authentic, the other day my husband had to fuss at me and he said, you need to stop because you're being mean to my wife and you're being mean to my wife.

and it's insulting me because of how mean you're being to her.

Have you ever been really mean to yourself and you didn't deserve it? I hope you have someone in your life. Like I have my mom and I have my husband and mama first will put me in my place. And honestly, my husband is so, he is so chill that that was probably a lot for him to, that tells you how mean I was being to myself. For him to, to flat out be like, you need to knock it off Amber because you're being mean.

Amber Pike (16:09.012)
And the way that you're talking to yourself is insulting me because I love you and I picked you and chose you and you know all this. I hope you have someone who will tell you when you're being really mean to yourself because we don't need to be. We need to tell that voice to go sit in the corner and hush up. So if you like me, sometimes struggle with that mean little voice in your head.

that you're not enough, that you're not doing things right. Well, of course you messed up again. Nobody loves you. Everybody hates you. might as well go eat worms. Remember that thing from childhood? Maybe, maybe it's just me. Here's a couple of things that I have found helpful. So those, the first things are just kind of like the mental, but then here's the, when we're in that pattern. Because I will have days, maybe you do too, something happened, something kind of set it off and you just get in this mode of.

Amber Pike (17:06.454)
Right? So pray. Right? God knows you intimately. He knows how you were wired. He knows what you were capable of. He knows where he put you. Talk to him. I, which should come as no surprise to you, a word person, I like to write it out. So I have pretty notebooks and I will write out things. the season of my life, you know, the one I referred to as the season where it was such a hard season and God was removing me from places where he didn't need me. And it was really, really painful.

You can still see the tear stains as I'm writing out my prayers to God and just giving it all to Him. Pray. I know that sounds such a cliche. Well, if you're going through something, pray about it. It is true, friends. God knows you and He cares. And He knows you better than you know you. So talk to God when you're in that. Because His voice of truth is right and loving versus the voice in your head that is

chances are wrong and Number two, you need those good cheerleaders. I've got my mom and I have my husband and this just paints a picture of my mom for you. When I was going through that season where I was stepping down from a toxic church situation and then I was abruptly fired from a ministry that I loved working at, thought I was made for. She knows her daughter and she said, I'm giving you a week to wallow.

like you have a week and then I'm gonna come over and I'm gonna kick you in the bottom which is what I needed because sometimes left to my own devices I will wallow I will sit in that oh I stink this is horrible and I did wrong but I need someone to be like you're done you've done enough look at the facts which leads me to the next my next point look at the facts when you are feeling

I'm not good enough, I'm not qualified, I'm not XYZ. Look at the facts. What has God done through you? He is so good to me. When I'm feeling low, He sends me a reminder.

Amber Pike (19:18.678)
Maybe he'll send you a reminder too, which could be a kid coming and saying, Miss so and so, Mr. so and so, I accepted Christ this weekend at home with mom and dad. Or a parent texting you and saying, hey, we prayed together for the first time as a family. Thank you for what you're doing.

Look at where God has placed you, what he's called you. I have a special box that I put special things in. Notes from kids or parents, memories, reminders. When you're in the low place, maybe you need to go look at some of those good things and see the good that you have done. Remember that God has called you, he has placed you where you're at. Just given a little book rec with a disclaimer, what kind of set off this podcast was over the weekend I read

John Akeff's soundtrack book, and it's about the soundtracks that we play in our head and how sometimes they're not nice. And we need to turn down the dial on the not nice soundtracks and put up some good ones. My disclaimer is I don't know how I feel about mantras. I feel like morning mantras can be a little anti-god. So didn't love that part, but I loved so much of this book.

We are sometimes not nice in our heads. Maybe this is just a me podcast. If it is, awesome. I'm glad you're good. But I have a feeling that someone out there needed to hear this episode. Be nice to yourself in your head. Because you are who God has called and placed where he has called and placed you. He didn't. If you've

If you've been in a Baptist church, you might have heard the phrase that he didn't call the equipped, he equipped the called. He'll give you what you need. He'll grow you, he'll move you, but you are who he wants. Warts and all. He knows you. He knows how you are made, how you tick, how you lead. Trust in him. Don't let fear or doubt or self-loathing be the soundtrack in your head.

Amber Pike (21:27.768)
Tell that negative voice to go sit in the corner because you have kingdom work to do. So you are not going to compare yourself to the ministry down the street. You are not busy keeping up with the Joneses. You are doing kingdom work. You are doing the best that you can to faithfully serve where God has called you. You are growing. You are learning. You are self-reflecting in a healthy way. You are providing constructive criticism to yourself, your ministry, your leadership, but you are not going to sit and wallow in those mean negative voices, my friend.

Trust me when I tell you how important this is. God has called you for an amazing thing. You are a kingdom worker. Trust in him. Talk with him. Go to him when you're feeling these thoughts and trust that he has you where he needs you. He will move you as he needs to move you. He will equip you as he needs to equip you. Trust in him. If you are going through a period where you just need a friend, please reach out to me. I would love to virtually hug you and encourage you.

I've been in those those places of self-doubt with that means and a voice it's something that I because I am always my own worst critic will probably always deal with and Getting better at recognizing that mean voice for what it is and telling her to go sit in the corner and hush up And I'm gonna listen to the voice of truth and if I can help encourage you to do that. I would love to do that friend Ministry is hard at times, but it is amazing

Don't give up. Ignore those inner voices. Listen to God's voice of truth. And be reminded that what you do matters.