Why It's So Hard to Explain Deconstruction

Episode 163

In this episode, I dive into one of the most challenging aspects of deconstruction: trying to explain it to others who haven't experienced it themselves.

I respond to a thoughtful question from a follower about how to remain committed to the church while being honest about its limitations during deconstruction. But as I share, this question itself reveals the gap between those observing deconstruction from the outside and those living through it.

What I explore in this episode:

• Why deconstruction can't be fully understood from an intellectual or conceptual level alone
• How trauma plays a central role in the deconstruction process
• Why it's impossible to "hold onto the good" while deconstructing—and why that's okay
• The difference between critiquing the church and actually deconstructing your faith
• Why deconstruction feels like drowning, like having your entire container of faith fall apart
• How my own journey with family trauma mirrors my faith deconstruction

Deconstruction is disorganised, chaotic, and impossible to neatly explain even to ourselves. If you're going through this process, I hope you feel seen. If you're trying to understand someone who is, I hope this gives you compassion for how difficult it is to put into words.

Watch this recording on YouTube.

CHAPTER MARKERS
0:00 Introduction
6:22 Unpacking a Follower's Question
11:21 Reading the Question
16:25 Deconstructing the Container, Not Just the Content
18:18 Seeing the Harm in Church Structures
37:22 You Can't Hold On While Letting Go
45:13 My Family of Origin Story
55:39 God Wants Freedom for Us
57:47 External Critique vs. Interior Journey
1:02:00 Closing Thoughts