You Didn't Ask For This

127 | Nudity Ruins Movies

• Matt Shea and Eric Poch

Share episode

The spookisode is finally here, and we've got a very special treat for all you ghouls and ghosts: Halloween Google Gripes! That's right, a first-ever standalone Gripes where we go head-to-head on six Halloween movies. 

But first: What's an acceptable Candy Tax to implement on your kids post Trick-or-Treating? And can you reuse a Halloween costume for multiple parties in a year?

Join our Patreon!

$1/month

  • Access to the YDAFT Discord

$4/month

  • Access to the YDAFT Discord
  • 20% off all merch
  • Access to our monthly bonus episodes..."Opps! All Tangents!"

Go to https://www.patreon.com/youdidntaskforthis to become a member!

Submit your least pressing questions, local legends, definitive rankings, neighborhood group drama, and whatever else you want us to cover at youdidntaskforthis@gmail.com or @udidntaskpod on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

You can also leave us a voicemail on The Thoughtline at (410) 929-5329 and we might just play it on the show!

Matt:

Eric, in nineteen ninety-seven, a film came out. It's a film that I didn't know it at the time, but was about me. Do go on, Matthew. It stars Nathan Lane, Lee Evans, Christopher Walken. Okay. Goes by the name of Mouse Hunt.

Eric:

Okay. You familiar with Mouse Hunt? I'm intimately familiar. I am I I remember the scene where the guy eats a roach and throws it up, and there's half a roach still wriggling on the table. That fucked me up something fierce as a child.

Matt:

Eric, the film I have since discovered is about me, my life. It's an autobiography of me. You see, Eric, I have an older house, as you know. Okay. And when we moved in, there was a few dead mice in the crawl space. And so I said, Oh shit, we might have a mouse we might have a mouse problem. But we're almost on two years. And Nary a mouse.

Eric:

Nary a mouse. Oh, that you've seen.

Matt:

That we've seen, but I will say I was very proactive. When we moved in and I cleared out those dead mouse mice corpses, I put in I put in some traps, you know, in case.

Eric and Matt:

And I check them. I check them periodically.

Eric:

They're always surrounds with your with your old tiny prospector's lantern.

Matt:

My own timey, yes, with my lantern I go down into the catacombs and look around and poke them and make sure that they're they're good. And you know, they're never the springs. And the other day I was sitting right here at this very computer, and all of a sudden I heard Lindsay say my name in a way that can only evoke a any thought in my head went away. One single mat was enough for me to go, oh, this one requires my immediate attention. You know what I'm talking about.

Eric:

Yes. That that neuron pat it it's it's something is amiss.

Matt:

Yep. So I burst out of the door, prepared to say, what's wrong? And the first before I can even do that, I see in front of my petrified wife is a fucking mouse in the middle of my living room, just running around, out in the open, with the lights on.

Eric:

No, no, no, no, no. That you gotta stamp that out right quick.

Matt:

I was like, uh uh uh and he saw me and he knew it was coming, he bolted. And he he went into my utility.

Eric:

He beheld the alpha.

Matt:

Well, Eric, you see, I don't know if you knew this about me, but when it comes to mice, I possess a particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a long and illustrious career of apartment dwelling. Uh and I am, I don't know why, very good at catching and killing mice.

Eric:

I firmly believe you were a cat in a previous life.

Matt:

To very recent one. No way. Uh so uh nope, absolutely not. The such a cat thing to say. Nope. Okay, hold on. The rage has subsided. The so I so so so I sometimes am called upon by friends who know this about me to set up traps. This is a service I've provided. Damn. Okay, yeah. A friend we went to college with not long after college, actually, sought me out because of my mice killing abilities. And in that circumstance, the mouse also started running around in person, and I struck him with a fire frying pan.

Eric:

Um You struck the mouse, the mouse with a frying pan?

Matt:

You straight up Tom and Jerry'd that mouse? Yes, he flew across the room, and unfortunately, I broke his little legs, but he was still alive.

Eric:

Oh my god.

Matt:

And I was forced to like, you know, put him out of his misery. Did you at least look him in the eye when you did it? I did. I said, I'm really sorry about this. Shabam.

Eric:

And the mouse gave you a look like, I understand.

Matt:

End it. End it, brother. Uh and so I did, but that was emotional. And so I don't like to come in direct contact with the mice. I like to trap and kill them. And let me tell you a little bit about my process. I don't care for glue traps. I find them.

Eric:

No, they're they're exceptionally cruel.

Matt:

They're exceptionally cruel. Then you have to hear them scream and stuff, and you don't want that.

Eric:

The best case scenario, if you forget about the best case scenario, is that they just fucking starve to death.

Matt:

Yeah, exactly. But that's also slow and painful.

Eric:

Yeah.

Matt:

And the spin traps, I find are good for like public-facing areas, you know, where the trap has to be exposed, kind of thing. Yeah. Because they're a little hit or miss. But for me, for my money, the classic snap is the best thing. It is quick, it is relative in the grand scheme of things, painless. I think, I think it nine times out of ten, depending on how they approach that bait, it's instant, instant death. Um, and so it's my preferred method. And so I had only a couple um kicking around of my preferred brand of Tomcat. So I ran out and got some uh got us some uh uh Victors or Victories, whatever the classic one is, the original with the V. Yeah. But much to my surprise, Eric, these Victors don't have the little cheese thing.

Eric:

No, they are very old school.

Matt:

They're very old school, and they have a little brass thing. So that's important. Remember the brass thing. Remembering the brass. Remember the brass thing. So first I chase this mouse, and I say, Oh, you son of a bitch. And Lindsay, of course, very is scared of them, scared of mice. And so uh the well, I don't know why, of course, but Lindsay's scared of mice. So I'm dealing with this mouse. I'm chasing him around the house, uh around the basement, and he goes behind my furnace. Of course he does. And so I'm like, okay, let me let me get out some traps. So I put some traps out, and while I'm putting traps out, I look out across the bathroom. You know the layout of my basement, so you can follow along with this. Very tasteful. Who do I see? The mouse. And I'm like, how the fuck did you get over here? And so Spider-Man pointing at each other. And so I go, I I grab the nearest object to me, which happened to be a baseball bat, and I started chasing the mouse again. And I was like, I don't want to hit him.

Eric:

Uh but and and Matt, I sorry, I I I I I don't want to throw off your rhythm at all, but I I have I need you to know that everything that is about to happen that you're gonna describe in my head, I will be hearing the battery.

Matt:

And I and I am carrying a baseball bat. Uh a wooden baseball bat. Uh and so I'm Socrates, the same baseball bat I had in college.

Eric:

Uh yes, I I know that. I I know that bat. Yes, I know it's a name. Yes, yes, it's served me many years. One day some survivors in the wasteland are gonna bring me that, and I'm gonna be like fucking Elrond of the Wastes. I'm like, oh, this is an ancient bat.

Matt:

Not oh, my friend must be dead.

Eric:

Uh-huh. I mean, I know where your bat I know where your body is. Okay, saboteur.

Matt:

Uh so I chase this mouse. He's running all over the place. He disappears once again into my bathroom. And so I, out of a sheer panic, close the door. And I'm like, okay, he's in the bathroom. I can formulate a plan. Lindsay is concerned that I might break the toilet or the glass uh shower thing by randomly swinging objects.

Eric:

I would say, to her credit, you do you are armed with Socrates and and nearby a frying pan. Um Bro, this is mouse, this is fucking mouse hunt.

Matt:

It is mouse hunt. So instead I say, okay, I know just what I'm gonna do. Ha ha. So I barricade the door's little opening with various objects, except for the far corner where I set a trap. So there's one natural place for him to come out. He's gonna come face first into a fucking Victor trap. And then just to make sure, I put another Victor on either corner. So if he gets around it and he starts running, he'll have to go right over my fucking trap. And he might by happenstance, even if he doesn't go for the bait, he might just trip the thing. Just run over it. I've had success with this method. Sometimes I put them backwards and forcing them to go over the spring part, and that works too. You can do it that way too, my friends. Heed my call. And so then I said, okay, everything's set up, the conditions are right. And I took a couple of Victor Snapchaps, got my peanut butter on them, set them, opened the door, and slid them, slid them out like I was throwing flashbang grenades. Uh I slid them out and closed the door.

Eric:

Slicing the pie!

Matt:

And I closed the door again, and I turned to my blushing bride and I said, Honey, wait for a snap. That's all we gotta do. He's in the bathroom. His options are dig a hole in the wall, which he's probably gonna do, uh, or have a little snack. Have a little snack. Eric, there was no snap. I could have yup. There's no snap. And so I said, Well, that's all right. I probably spooked him. He's probably hiding like under the sink or whatever. Uh so like I'll wait till the morning. So in the morning I come down, I check all my traps. And in the meantime, I put traps elsewhere in the crawl space, other places, other other places I think he might emerge.

Eric:

Yeah.

Matt:

Eric, I come down this this following morning. Check all my traps. And one by one, I started with least likely and uh worked my way to the bathroom, checking each trap, fully expecting when I open that door, there's gonna be a dead mouse. Not only is there no dead mouse, Eric, but those Victor traps with their little brass thing have been licked clean.

Eric:

Bro.

Matt:

He took the peanut butter and failed to set off my fucking traps. Bro, this is your Jerry.

Eric:

So then I'm not this is your Jerry.

Matt:

I said these fucking Victor things, piece of shit. Piece of shit, garbage. Because here's what I like about the Tomcats. They got that little plastic cheese that you can set on the tiniest of margins with that little spring.

Eric:

Fucking hair trigger.

Matt:

A hair trigger. I'm talking fine margin. Yeah. So that's what I do. I swap them out. And Eric, while I'm swapping them out, because I was like, I guess he can still get in the bathroom. I look down, and this little fucker is looking at me. He's appeared out of nowhere and is just staring at me before he scampers away. And I'm like, you fucking son of a bitch.

Eric:

And what I'm seeing in my head is like you look down, he's smoking a little cigarette, like, oh, flicks it away, and sorry, did not see you there.

Matt:

Baladie. Thank you for the snake. Uh he's definitely French. And then he went away. And Eric, that is the live update. What I've done is I have the better traps in there, and now that it is nightfall, I am hoping he will come out once again. I still have that bathroom door barricaded. I still I haven't used it. I've been held hostage for uh 36 hours from my own bathroom where I have all my toiletries and shit by a mouse, Eric. Bro. And it it's to the and Lindsay is like uncomfortable downstairs now because she's afraid of the mouse. And I'm trying to be like, for me, I'm like, it's just a mouse, but now, you know, my wife is uh doesn't want to be in our living room where we watch television. Yeah. Where she relaxes after a hard day. That that mouse is gonna tear your family apart. That mouse is gonna fucking die. Okay, because I said to myself, Lindsay's been teaching all day today, and I said, I said aloud to the house, I said, listen, mouse, it's just you and me. If you show your fucking face, I got all day to clean blood out of a carpet. I got all day, motherfucker. He hasn't come out. Guess you will have to use your paid time off. Bring me some peanut butter, you son of a bitch! Chunky this time, you creamy bitch. It's the podcast that answers life's least pressing and most spooky questions. My name is Matthew Shea. And I am Eric Poe. Something about also doing your own theme music is very funny. It's the reason for the season, baby. It's the reason for the season. It is an episode that is several episodes in the making. Uh we prepared for this literally like a month ago.

Eric:

Started at mid-September, and now we hear.

Matt:

And now we hear. And Eric, I am very excited for this special spook a sode.

Eric:

Matt Matt Chills. Absolute chills. And it's gonna be a real scream.

Matt:

It'll be a real screamer. You should be excited too, folks, because not only do we have some Halloween adjacent questions, but we've got a very special closing segment today. My friends, we are doing a one-off head-to-head Google gripes of Halloween flick.

Eric:

I I even have it in my notes as gooley gripes.

Matt:

Ghoulie gripes. That's good.

Eric:

Thank you. Straight maniacal. Fucking straight up maniacal. There, I don't think enough attention is paid to the craft of an evil laugh. Like we make Joe, like there's the doctor horrible, like the Jote Lumu, but like, like when someone really nails it, ooh. Ooh, chills.

Matt:

Ooh, ooh, the little wet. Like a Vincent, you got it when you get that Vincent Price laugh. I can't, I can't even pretend like I've been. Yeah, I can't even.

Eric:

Yeah, at the end of Thriller isn't it? The thriller laugh, yeah. Sorry, I've been watching the the the Bill Hader SNL uh uh Vincent Price Halloween. We God, it's so good.

Matt:

Oh my god. Bill Hader's Vincent Price episodes are so fucking funny. That's a classic office. Oh, they're so good. SNL.

Eric:

Well, because I was I was telling you before we started recording, me and Alyssa have been like trying to watch spooky movies as as often as we can. And usually what we do when it's a like a scary fucking movie, we'll we'll have a cooldown with we'll just go to the SNL Halloween skit playlist on YouTube. Yeah. And just just get some David S. Pumpkins up in there. Oh god. That was the first one we watched. Of course it is.

Matt:

Got to got to watch David Pumpkins. Listen, this first question comes from Zach Deuce on the Discord. Zach E D! The corpse for me! The corpse? Oh no, he's dead. How unfortunate.

Eric:

This is gonna be the whole episode, folks.

Matt:

What is excuse me? What is an acceptable candy tax to implement on your children post trickle treating? Eric, did did you and have a candy tax?

Eric:

Oh, absolutely. And and and I we've we've talked about this before. How like the the par how how my parents did the the the candy check, the most rudimentary, just kind of like r phone at it, rubbing their hands across it. Oh yeah, this feels all right. And while my dad's doing that, while my mom is is laying hands on the candy, my dad's just like Reese cup, Reese cup, Reese cup. No, he can't take them all. He doesn't take them all, he just took most of them.

Matt:

There's I I could make a political comment here, but I'll refrain from it. Most conservative. Uh the oops, I did it anyway. Uh yep. Yep.

Eric:

Well, he well, no, Matt, he told me the candy, it would trickle down.

Matt:

It would trickle down, yes, from the top. And you would get rappers. That's the trickle. That that's what they that's what he didn't tell you. I also had a little bit of the laying of the hands, although my my parents would remove things that seemed skeptical. Like if anything was open, it was out of there. Yeah, if it yeah. Anything was open, it was out of there. When I had braces, some of the more sticky stuff they confiscated for my own good.

Eric:

So so when it comes to like because we're trying to establish like a baseline for that our that our our listeners, many of whom are parents, many who um themselves including Zach Deuce, who did not include what his candy tax might be.

Matt:

Well, he he he's got litlands. Well, he's got one of trick-or-treat age, I believe. Stumbling age. Stumbling age.

Eric:

Stumbling age. Yeah. But uh here it it it varies, right? When they're when they're little, little stumbling, little pudgy, stumbling little little babies who are like who still are still figuring out motor motor skills and stuff. Absolutely. Like at that point, yeah, I mean, most of the candy is going to you, probably you're picking out what they can eat. Um yeah, correct. And then as they get older, like when like we'll say from like the age of like six to like eleven. Yeah, like the prime trick-or-treat age. The primo trick or trading age. Trick-or-trading. Ooh. True. Oh, how open market of you.

Matt:

I feel the invisible hand upon me. Good Vincent Price. Really good Vincent Price, actually.

Eric:

I learned it from watching Bill Hayter.

Matt:

Um, yeah, maybe what I mean is good Bill Hader, Vincent Price. Maybe that's what I mean.

Eric:

So what I will say, and I don't know why I'm going to like TED talk tone with this. What I will say. People ask me, but is the candy tax is directly proportional. What we've found, what we've observed, is the candy tax. I'm watching the slides change behind you, is directly proportional to the amount of labor mom and dad put in on the trick-or-treating outage. Because at a certain age, you're let off the leash.

Matt:

Oh, yeah. That's when trick-or-treating really begins. I find there's yes, I think there are three phases to trick-or-treating. Yep. There is the parents accompanying you to the door. What do we say?

Eric:

kind of phase. Yes. A barely sentient child where it's mostly the par for the parents going, hey, look what we made.

Matt:

Look what we made. Look at this. Give this kid some candy, please. Then there is the their back, there's a gaggle of parents on the sidewalk with coffee, quote unquote. Yes. Uh yeah. There's a gaggle of them back there watching from a respectable distance.

Eric:

As you, as you st as you like walk up to the door.

Matt:

You walk up to the door and then go to the next house a good, we'll say 20 paces ahead of the parents.

Eric:

And just a side etiquette note in these cases, you give the candy to the kid, and then there should be a you look to the parents acknowledging wave. Yeah, oh yeah. A little a little raise of the let someone over.

Eric and Matt:

Yeah. Okay, Abby Halloween, stay safe. We're here. Don't worry. Where? Okay. Supervised, they're not gonna run into your house and turn your stove on or something. Oh, okay.

Eric:

Okay.

Matt:

Uh and then there is the off the leash. You're you're a preteen by this point, probably.

Eric:

And uh are all the prime like 10 to 13. That like that's like your that's your that's your prime time of your Halloween life.

Matt:

That's the prime time of your Halloween life. When you suddenly are like, oh, let's see how many houses we can hit.

Eric:

Yeah. Where you can you can yeah, you can it it be back by a certain time.

Matt:

Be back by a certain time. Which in my head and my recollection is like, oh, midnight, the witching hour. But it's definitely 7 30 p.m. Yeah, yeah. It was yeah. 9 45 if we're feeling daring. My God. Uh yeah, that's definitely what it is. And I would come back and and then you empty out your stuff on the table, you get the examination. And I would say when we're talking about the primo ages of trick-or-treating, yeah. I don't know. I I don't know that I can put a percentage on it. No, I think there is a initial dad's gonna take whatever dad wants. Like that's just gonna happen.

Eric:

Mom never was interested. Uh uh dad would always just like, ah, that's mine, and that's mine. And I would always go to my mom, like, mom, what do you want? Because my mom would never like, no, I don't want to like mom, what do you want? And she's like, Oh, well, you got some Twizzlers. I'll take some Twizzlers.

Matt:

Oh god, yeah, get them out of there. Listen, I love a Twizzler, not in Halloween.

Eric:

It no, it helps if my mom's favorite candies are, and I say this with nothing but reverence and love for Frannie May Poach. Her favorite candies are the worst candies. And that's good for you. She loves a Neko wafer. She loves, she loves a whopper.

Matt:

A Neko wafer is just a Tums without the benefits. Yes, yes. If anything, it'll cause you to need a Tums.

Eric:

Yeah. Might crack a tooth while we're at it.

Matt:

At least go to Smarties. At least. At least. I do love a Smarty. People, I feel like people hate Smarties all of a sudden in 2025. I don't understand it. It's just a little disc of sugar.

Eric:

A little disc of sugar. It's like cutting out the middle. It's cutting out the bullshit. You get a little tang. That's the flavor. The flavor is tang.

Matt:

Like tangy. And then, of course, you know, you get your full sizes. I think if there's any full sizes, those are off-limits to parents. Oh, have to be. Off limits to parents. Have to be. Like there have to be rules. You can get them any day of the week.

Eric:

Yeah, you could just buy this, Rick.

Matt:

Yeah. Oh, oops, sorry. Uh there names coming into play now. Um the the the I I think you're within your rights to take a Reese's cup, you're within your rights to take a Twix or a Snickers or two, but like you can't be taking all the primos.

Eric:

No, especially at that age when because when it's like we're in like the five to nine range when your parents are still like, they have to take, like, usually on a work night, walk your ass around the neighborhood. Okay, they're entitled to their cut. They they a little bam bam, thank you, Uncle Sam. But you can't take the magic. You can't take the magic. When you're 10 to 13, I'm doing the labor.

Matt:

Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his own two feet that carried him across cul de sac after cul-de-sac? Of his pillowcase? Of his sack? Of his pillowcase andor tasteful bag? Yeah. Like, there's gotta be rules.

Eric:

There's got to be rules. This isn't nom. No, I've said it before on the show, and I'll say it again. You gotta seize the means of confection. You must.

Matt:

You might you have said it before, and I am sure, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that you will say it again. Oh, most assuredly. So I think I think it's maybe like a handful. It's like a handful, like a pot, yeah, like because also listen, we also know this, right? You know where this candy's gonna be. And we know, as as the children, we know you're taking some. Oh, we know you're skimming off the top, you son of a bitch. We know you're sneaking some out of there, you son of a bitch parents. We know you think you think we don't know how things go in this fucking town. You don't think how I know about how this whole fucking operation works? God damn. I've been around here seven fucking years. This is how I talk to my parents, the seven-year-old.

Eric:

Oh yeah, dad's reaching for dad's reaching for a Hershey bar. I'm like, listen to me, you fucking cock a runch.

Matt:

You reaching for a fucking ass kicking, okay? You put that hand right back where sorry, sorry, uh kidding.

Eric:

Or I go guy richie, and I'm like I'm throwing a smarties at him. I'm like, well, I'll throw a dog a bone. I don't want to hear how it tastes. Oh my god, yes. Very good. Yeah, so like that's it, it yeah, it it I'll also say this it goes back to the quality of the candy. If you're taking primo shit, if you're taking Reese cups, yeah, you get two or three pieces of my candy. If you're taking like, if you're taking the dross, the the chaff, yeah, you can take fucking.

Matt:

I don't think, I don't think the kid is upset if you're taking necko wafer after necko wafer. No, I don't think so. No, but like just you know, use your best judgment. If you if you're gonna take neck uh four Neko wafers, you probably only get one Snickers.

Eric:

Yeah, also read the room. Read the room. Proportions here matter. Like you can help yourself to a Snickers, you know, a good amount if I've got if I'm Snickers.

Matt:

If I've got a Mount Everest size pile of candy, sure. But if it's a if it's a lean year, times are tough. Dust Bowl. Hat in hand, hat in hand, and you come back with just a little trickle. If anything, you should be providing candy from the candy you had to give out.

Eric:

Yeah, it it if if I'm out here like the gobstoppers of wrath, don't don't, yeah, don't just read the pile. Like don't if I have a single heath bar, don't take that fucking heath bar. Don't take the heath bar. Yeah, you that's true. You can't take a single of anything. No, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta be mindful, dog. You gotta mind. You gotta you gotta step correct. I'm sorry.

Matt:

You gotta, you gotta, you gotta. Uh Zach Deuce, I I hope you're listening and I hope you're heeding this advice.

Eric:

We're talking about a world the kids are living in today where every day is scarier than Halloween. Absolutely.

Matt:

Give them the fucking thing.

Eric:

Halloween's a Halloween's a respite. But mom, dad, we get it. You're working hard. You're busting ass. Yeah. Things ain't going easy for you too. It's hard for everybody out there. You deserve to skim off. Just all we ask is just out. Look, I'm just gonna part the veil. You know the attention span of kids, you know how much candy you can get away with taking. Just be wise about it. Just be wise. Just make sure, like if you're gonna take the good shit, just make sure the kid doesn't know.

Matt:

Just make sure the kid doesn't know. But also, if you know that kid's going to sleep and they're aware that there's two Reese's cups left, you can't take one. You can't sneak one out. Something's gotta be sacred. Something's gotta be fucking something has to be sacred.

Eric:

Something has to fucking mean something.

Matt:

And I think that's Reese's cups. Yeah, yeah.

Eric:

Reese's cups mean something to a child and to me. Once again, begging Reese's. We will we will sh we will shill so fucking hard.

Matt:

You have no idea Reese's. Put us in, coach. Put us in. Eric, do a commercial for Reese's right now.

Eric:

Do you know what America loves? Taco Bell. The same combination of three different ingredients presented 20 different ways. What if you could have Taco Bell every time you walked into a candy store? That's Reese's. You want peanut butter cups? You want peanut butter cups, cups with little peanut bits in them? You want little peanut brittle wrapped in peanut butter and then covered in chocolate? You want chocolate on the inside, peanut butter on the outside? We fucking got you. Reese's. It's the Taco Bell of Candy.

Matt:

Nice, Eric.

Eric:

Very good. Very good. It truly is like the uh go into a 7-Eleven, the Reese's section is just like parasitically expanded over the past 10 years. It's it's it's half the fucking rack now.

Matt:

And I try them all. Oh, I try them all.

Eric:

There's like 20 different varieties.

Matt:

I try whenever a new one pops out, and I don't know what it is about the pumpkins and the Christmas trees, but the pumpkins more than the Christmas trees. The Reese's pumpkins they hit, they hit and listen. I don't even care that they only look like a poo and not at all a pumpkin. I don't care about that. I do not care about that. I care about that thickness of peanut butter they get.

Eric:

Oh god, it's so good. Getting rock hard for Reese's.

Matt:

New ad. Rock hard for Reese's. Reese's. Because fuck you. Rock hard. Reese's. Ah, you ever lick it off a nipple? Anyway, uh, that'll be Reese's new pumpkin pasties. Would. Would. Would.

Eric:

In a fucking heartbeat.

Matt:

Think about it. Think about it. Think about it. Eric, I think we've answered the question. Oh, I think we've answered the question. Shall we move on to our next and indeed final question before we get to our special spin-off Google Gripes?

Eric:

This one uh comes from where does this one come from, Matt? I'm I'm I'm looking into the crystal ball, my spooky crystal ball. And Semitimai's blank.

Matt:

Is this is this perhaps does this come from the the uh I feel like it did come from somebody on the Discord, but it didn't get it written down. So I don't know. We're gonna say it came from the ether. Matt. Who gave us this question? The question's coming from inside the podcast. Ooh.

Eric:

And that question is can you reuse a Halloween costume for multiple parties in a year?

Matt:

Sorry, take it again, but as a witch.

Eric:

Can you reuse a Halloween costume for multiple parties in a year?

Matt:

Very good. Very good. Anytime. Anytime. Uh I like that you had to somehow get up on your haunches to come. You did physically embody a witch.

Eric:

I did give it myself a hunch. I even had a little bit of a couple of things. You became a crone once. Got to. Got to. Uh, but can you reuse a Halloween costume for multiple parties in a year? Absolutely. Depending on the costume.

Matt:

Depending on the pot costume, depending on the party. I'd say. Depending on the party. If you're going to two completely different uh independent parties that will not have much, if any, crossover of party goers, I say go for it. Go go for it. I say go for it.

Eric:

Yeah.

Matt:

But if you're going to a party that has a lot of the same people, I think you need a different costume.

Eric:

Yeah. Yeah. Or you need to step up the level of that costume. Like you need to show improvement. Yes. Yes, Eric. Yeah. Because we were talking about we we we realized a phenomenal costume for us. Super good. Here's the pitch. Me and Matt as Harry and Marv, the wet bandits from Home Alone. Later the Sticky Bandits. Later the Sticky Bandits. And what we do is we roll up to the party. We're in we're in prime beginning of the movie. Beginning of the Marv. And then at intervals throughout the night, we excuse our, we like we make we just get away from the party, do little, little, little movie magic, and we just start showing up with more and more home alone injuries.

Matt:

Yeah, like by the end, my skull cap's been burned off at the top. I've got an iron burn in my face. Eric's got an iron burn all over his face. All the classics. And Eric, we didn't talk about this, but maybe the first thing that happens is like early stage of the party, I loudly knock on the door. I'm a cop. I'm dressed up as the cop, as Harry is at the beginning of the movie, you know? When he's casing the joint. I come, you're not here yet. And then we show up together.

Eric:

God, we just we just make a whole bit.

Matt:

Oh my god.

Eric:

If we can get if we can get the if at some point we can get a TV in the other room to start playing the now, listen, I'm gonna give you to the kind of 10 to get to get you lazy, no good.

Matt:

Something, something keister off my property.

Eric:

Yep.

Matt:

Before I pump your guts full of lead. One, two, ten. What a great fake movie. God. Uh I think it's called Angels with Filthy Souls.

Eric:

I think is which is such a good up name for a movie. I'm gonna do a quick quick. Yeah, while he's doing that, I'm just gonna remind everyone. Yep, that old-timey movie that plays during Home Alone where the guy's shooting the gun, yada yada, is not a movie that exists. They filmed a fake movie to put inside of the movie. Brilliant.

Matt:

Yes, it's called Angels with Filthy Souls. And in Halloween or in uh Home Alone 2, it is Angels with Even Filthier Souls. No, I I forgot it got a sequel. Oh my god, yes, of course it did. Uh incredible. I because I think the second one is like Christm somehow more Christmassy. Like there's a Christmas tree. I don't think the first one has a Christmas tree in it. I don't know, but God, it's good.

Eric:

Uh but yeah, so overall, like can you reuse costume? It like read the room. If if it's gonna be a part another party with a bunch of the same people, either step it up, step it up, baby, or do something different.

Matt:

Yeah, I think and I think what it's okay if one of the costumes goes a lot less hard as the than the other.

Eric:

Oh, sure. I because I feel like each year there's the party, like if you're doing multiple Halloween parties in a year, there's one you're you're gonna go hard for. Yes. And then the rest are kind of like, all right, what can I what can I scare together?

Matt:

Let's be honest. There's there is a headliner Halloween party, and that is where you're bringing your main thing. And then there are other parties that you might quote unquote stop by.

Eric:

Yeah, stop by for a bit. And if I'm if if it's a stop by for a bit situation, that will inform the amount of fucks I give to the costume I wear.

Matt:

Yeah, yeah. Like the costume has got to be appropriate for the amount of time. Like, you can't show up with like a super awesome costume to a party you intend to stay at for 10 minutes.

Eric:

Yeah. The more conspicuous you are, the longer you have to stay.

Matt:

The longer you have to stay, so you become a focal point of the party.

Eric:

Yes, you are you are carrying that party. You may in some ways make it about you. Yes, yes, yes. It's your party. You can cry if you want to. Cry if you want to. You'd cry too if it happened to you. You would, and I have. Uh do you have any like favorite costumes you've ever worn to a party?

Matt:

Oh, sure. The just the other year, uh for our good friends of the pod, Sarah and Chrissa had a uh a party that uh Lindsay and I went as Bob Ross in a painting. Love that. I was the painting.

Eric:

Yeah.

Matt:

Good. Yep. Um, so that that was a fun costume. We have a good we have another good couple costume set up for this year.

Eric:

You you and Lindsay, your your couple's costume game comes correct.

Matt:

Yeah, we have uh one one of our favorites that no one else seemed to like too much. We did in college where uh where we went as a rubber duck and a loofah. And I I thought it was the funniest thing, but people didn't get it. That's the worst. People didn't get it. Yeah, no, it sucks. It always sucks when you do going, no, no one gets your niche costume.

Eric:

So so this is this is not a costume I've done, but it's a costume I want to do. Um, full fun disclosure for anyone who hasn't picked up on this by now. Um, I'm polyamorous. I have a girlfriend, my girlfriend has a fiance, and we want to do what? I know how fucking wild would it be if you didn't know that in the world.

Matt:

This is how I was actually learning it. Um, Eric, I I you've never directly brought it up. So I I also have never directly brought it up on this show. And uh well, so then the three of us only in the gossip columns.

Eric:

Three of us live together, and in like they're two, like like in addition to Alyssa just straight up being my girlfriend, the uh like I also just happen to live with two of my bestest friends ever. Like we're very close, and we like we all have the same friends, and we we usually when we go to parties, we all come together. And we've done we've done cute, we've done funny. Yeah, triumph. Like one year uh Alyssa was dressed like a cute cow and Pat was a was a was a was a cowboy and I was a milkman. I was gonna say a milkman or a milkmaid? I should have been milkman, but I had I only had milkman stuff on hand. I had a I had I have a big ass hat that just says milkman. Okay, well then you gotta use it. Um but but Matt, one year, this is one of those real low to the ground effort but hilarious payoff costumes. We're gonna roll up. I'm gonna wear a shirt that says I'm the fear. Pat's gonna wear a shirt that says I'm the loathing, and Alyssa's gonna wear a shirt that says welcome to Las Vegas. Nice.

Matt:

Nice just tell them what the costume is. Just tell. Right on the shirt. Yes, no, that that's good. That's that's fun. That is that is good. I'll tell you off mic what my costume idea is because this episode will come out before Halloween. So there's at least one Halloween party this costume will arrive at. And that's I think what I mean. There's the party you like in in advance know is gonna happen.

Eric:

You're gonna have to go deep.

Matt:

And then change to the paint. Then there's others where you're like, hmm, maybe I'll throw on a hoodie and be the unibomber. You know, like so.

Eric:

Oh, I've my my my lowest, my lowest effort costume was uh the year uh I I grew up in Glen Burney. And for those of you I'm I'm what's a universal town that sums up Glen Burning, like like Glen Burney, every every every city has a Glen Burney. It's like one of those satellite. New York Staten Island 20 minutes away, and every and it's just known for everyone. It's just you know, kind of trashy.

Matt:

Yeah, it's um it is Staten Island would be like New York's Glen Burney, I think.

Eric:

Yeah, yeah. If you're in if you're in Jolly Old Engoland, we're the Birmingham of of uh Baltimore. Wow Birmingham. Uh one year my costume was because this was a party happening uh like the and I wore this to multiple parties, and it only made it funnier, in fact. This uh say, depending on the costume, it can get funnier if you keep doing it.

Matt:

Okay, I'm listening.

Eric:

Um, I was a piece of shit from Glenn Bernie. So I w I had like a blue mechanic, I gave myself a neck tattoo, and I and I wore and I had like a like a like a big gaudy cross necklace that I was wearing, and I just kept going around bumming at cigarettes off of everyone. And I don't even I had one behind each ear and still like, hey, can I get a smoke? And and you got any cloves? Yeah. Yeah, bro. You got I had a can of monster, uh monster rehab, to be specific. Uh and and I would just and when I I would keep showing up to parties with these same words, and I would keep the collection of cigarettes going. God, that's good.

Matt:

Okay, but see, what you've done is you've made it a bit.

Eric:

I've established a bit.

Matt:

You've established a bit, and I think that is good. If you're gonna reuse a costume, you have to make it worth my while as a fellow party goer. What is your costume doing for me? What is your costume? Ask not what your costume can do for you. Ask what it can do for Matche. And you the answer should be at each subsequent party you encounter me at, I chuckle harder and turn to someone and say, I saw them at this other party.

Eric:

Oh, we'll grow the legend. The legend must grow. Uh uh big shout out, honorable mention to my boy John Bennett. He he had one of the most brilliant costumes I've ever seen. This was in the pre-COVID times. He came to every party as this, and it was always a hit. He showed up, he was just wearing his normal clothes, and he had a little, he had a little uh he had a label maker in his hands, and he had a little head doodle that just held up a sign above his head that just said uh Yelp. And he would go around writing two-star Yelp reviews of everyone's costume and then printing it out on the label and sticking it on their chest. It was it was really great.

Matt:

People are out here with some great fucking ideas. I saw one last year that was like uh somebody went as ticket, it was online. I didn't know this person, but they went as ticket master, and they had a bunch of like choose your concert uh like things on it, and when you took one off of it, it said you are now in a queue. Uh like I think any the more off the wall for adult Halloween costumes, the more I think it's very funny.

Eric:

As I get older, the deeper of the cut I want the costume to be.

Matt:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I really, really love a deep cut. A hundred percent and absolutely I want to say that.

Eric:

And I did. Good. I saw one girl uh one one year at a party. This was went as the if you remember this, the ruined fresco of the Virgin Mary, the the one that that lady like tried to restore on her. She tried to restore, came as the fucked up. Wow.

Matt:

That is so hyper specific.

Eric:

It's the bet that's that's the shit I live for.

Matt:

Yeah, but but if you're gonna do that, like if you're gonna go as the fucking mice from the quiznos commercial, you have I it has to be unmistakable, you know. You can't find you have to you have to go all in. It it has to be, it has to make everyone go, oh my god. Like Yep.

Eric:

Wow, you have to give it, you you gotta take it to the paint, you gotta give it a hundred topics.

Matt:

Also, Eric, we should go as the mice from that quiznos commercial.

Eric:

We should go as the the because we can do the voice.

Matt:

They are good to us. Oh my god. Uh most unhinged corporate commercial of all.

Eric:

I feel like one day we're like in the in in in the post-apocalypt ruins, we're gonna be describing the commercials we had as a kid as kids to to the new generation of mutants, and they're just gonna be like, What the fuck are you talking about? Like trying to describe berries and cream boy to to anyone. Eric. We're gonna sound insane.

Matt:

Let me say this. They say tomorrow's gonna be hotter.

Eric:

Oh good. Wait.

Matt:

I thought you'd pick up the pick up the ball.

Eric:

Oh no, no, no. I thought you I got you. Sorry, Ed.

Matt:

The ball is rolling down the street toward old man Peabody's house.

Eric:

I'll I'll call tomorrow.

Matt:

You'll call now.

Eric:

I'll call now. There you go. Oh man. If someone showed up as the Scardina opera lady, no.

Matt:

One of my favorite commercials of all time is Hey Dad, it's Bob, we had a baby, it's a boy.

Eric:

Oh yeah.

Matt:

Do you accept the charges? No. It was Bob. I had a baby.

Eric:

It's a boy. It's a boy. Uh uh uh to tack on to the last thing, like in talking about like the more specific the costume, like the deeper the cut, the the harder you have to go in the effort. The inverse is also true. Where the more famous the thing, the shittier you do it, the funnier it becomes. I'm I'm talking like you're your incredible Hulk where a guy just is like But that is that is not just famous, that is like a famous Halloween costume. Yes.

Matt:

Like like so now that you're doing low budget Milky Whites of Halloween costumes, yes. But if you're going as like Charlie Chaplin and you low budget it, it's just gonna look awkward.

Eric:

And that's the the place you do not want to be.

Matt:

No, and not with that costume. No, you you want zero confusion. If you're going as the tramp, you want zero confusion. Oh, yeah. You can't. You get there's a needle to be threatened. You don't ever want to be stuck going, no, no, no, no, it's not that mustache. You don't want that. Do not lose your hat. Do not lose the hat. Lose the hat. The hat cannot go away. Hat stays on. Oh my god. I do love the little tramp.

Eric:

Uh is so so to answer your question, you can asterisks even we don't know. You can, but there are rules. There are rules here.

Matt:

And I think we've laid them out well.

Eric:

And that's why we're here. We we say the quiet parts out loud so you don't have to think about them.

Matt:

We say the quiet parts out loud and we say the loud parts quietly.

Eric:

So and and folks, in the spirit of Halloween, and you know, please call the thought line today. Tell us the most upsetting costume you've ever seen someone show up into a party in. Tell us the most embarrassing costume you've seen someone in. Tell us. Tell us your Halloween tax that your parents imposed. Tell us the Halloween tax that you, if you're brave, tell us the tax you're imposing on your children this year. Tell us, tell us what you took. We won't tell.

Matt:

Tell us what you took, and we will judge you on air. And that is.

Eric:

But we'll never tell you, kid.

Matt:

But we won't tell you, kid. Unless you're you didn't ask for this.

Eric:

We'll never mention this to you kids.

Matt:

We won't tell you children shit about four. For a price. Send us a Ruby Cup. And that price is one dollar a month for the Discord.

Eric:

Oh good tangent. Yeah, one dollar a month to the Patreon. Get access to the Discord.

Matt:

Four dollars a month for oops, all tangents. Monthly bonus episode. But right now, you get bonus content in the form of Google gripes outside of a season. It's a standalone baby. It's a special. Ghoulish gripes. Ghoulish gripes. I like that, Eric. And listen, you should know the deal by now. Google Gripes is a little game we play where we read real one-star Google reviews of, at first it was well-known places, then it was well-known films. And now, just today, it's gonna be Halloween movies. That is all Eric and I set for a definition. We didn't specifically say scary movies, we didn't say horror movies, we said Halloween movies. Yes. We have three each. And unlike the regular Google gripes, where one of us goes an episode and we alternate, we're both going. We're both doing this. So, Eric, would you like to go first? Oh, I'd love to. Oh my god.

Eric:

Matthew movie one. Movie one review one. Review one. It scared me when I watched it at the age 18, and I am now 50, and I may never watch it again. Made me very paranoid, and I kept looking under my bed and not able to sleep well because of it. But the blank was cute at first, but when it turned evil, that was it for me.

Matt:

Okay, I have a pretty solid first guess, but I won't reveal my secrets just yet.

Eric:

Review number two. Unfortunately, this is the worst film I've ever seen. I liked the concept of the robot blank, but the film itself is so slow, the scariest thing in this film is the blank. It's self-sized like a toddler with a 40-year-old man face.

Matt:

Oh, interesting. Okay. That might change my first guess.

Eric:

Review number three. I feel sorry that little boy have to leave, but I know he is normally person, but being friendly with blank is not right for you. He is badly person. You shouldn't able to listen to him. He made you terrible and terriers and cuss and don't like that. If you have a problem, you should tell your parents, and they will fix your problem and creating an effort.

Matt:

Hmm. Hmm. I say. I say it again. Yeah. Okay, I have two guesses that I wrote down. The robot is throwing me. The robot mention is throwing me. I think. Okay. The first guess I wrote down was Gremlins. Ooh. And I'm gonna I'm gonna backburner Gremlins. I don't think it's Gremlins. I think it could be. I think it's Leprechaun.

Eric:

Oh.

Matt:

I am gonna go all in on Leprechaun. I'm saying the movie you've chosen is Leprechaun.

Eric:

Matt, it is not Leprechaun. But I can absolutely fucking see that. You can see the connective tissue. The movie, Matt, pour one out for Brad Doriff. It's child's play. Oh, of course it's child's play. Of course it is. It's child. The robot that's why I picked the one that was like, I was like, referring to it as a robot is funny.

Matt:

That threw me. That definitely threw me. Threw me.

Eric:

Um because it the challenge I found with so many of these reviews is like, holy shit, it is so hard to not find reviews that just blatantly spell it.

Matt:

Give it away.

Eric:

Just give it the fuck away. So yeah, it was child play.

Matt:

I uh all right. So I'm oh for one. Are you ready for your first film? Oh, I'm ready, baby. This is an exciting methodology of Google Gripe. This is good. I was sitting around with my niece last night after everyone went to bed. And as we scrolled through HBO's on-demand options, I realized I never saw a blank movie. Ninety minutes later, I came to another realization that my life was just fine living in ignorance. I don't recall seeing another horror movie in which it felt like the filmmakers made a conscious effort not to be scary. The teenagers look AARP eligible, the acting is reliably awful, the scenes are so blatantly stolen from Halloween and Carrie that copyright infringement suits would have been understandable. What's even worse is that there isn't that fun aspect of bad cinema. It's bad without the enjoyment of its absurdity. I fell over backwards to see a 66% critic approval on Rotten Tomatoes. I guess nostalgia is a stronger force of nature than I realized. Even the cheap Halloween knockoffs like prom night feels superior to this. It's amazing something so stinky could launch a whole franchise. Just another aspect of this crazy world that I can't understand.

Eric:

This review is wild for so many reasons. First of all, the first sentence of it sounds like a shitty opening to a monster mash cover. Yes.

Matt:

I was sitting around on my couch one night. I was trying to put a little bit of that sauce on it.

Eric:

But it ended with fear and loathing in Las Vegas vibes. It ended Hunter S. Thompson. Yes. So we got franchise, we got shitty teen acting where we're back in the good old days when all the teenagers were played by like 35-year-olds. Sounds like, okay, hit me with the next one.

Matt:

Well, I finally watched the iconic blank. Okay. I literally just wasted one hour and 30 minutes of my freaking time. The acting is so bad, they literally just stand there and accept their fate. There's no real acting. The screams are unrealistic. They just stand there and go, ah, the plot is all over the place. It's so boring. There's nothing to it. You don't even get a real explanation until the last 20 minutes, and basically the rest of the movie is the blonde just fighting and falling all over the place with character until she finally decides to end it. This was so, so, so boring. Nothing about this movie is iconic. I don't even know if I should watch the second one because of how bad it was. Every character in this movie was so dumb they gave all they all gave airhead. It's like they didn't even have half a brain cell. No character development, just airheaded characters. The dialogue is very bland, like this movie was so bad. OMG, I can't believe I wasted my time watching this. At least Child's play is stupid, but at least it's funny. It's actually worth watching. This was the worst horror movie I've ever watched.

Eric:

Very good intonation. I think you captured this guy perfectly. Thank you. Uh damn, this is I I it's not that I I don't have an a clue. It's like you just so far, going off of what I have or what I'm picking up on, we're still in like the dozens of different franchises this could be.

Matt:

You ready for your final review?

Eric:

Yes, I think this is where we clinch it. Ass garbage.

Matt:

Boring. Acting is terrible. Old head film, booty cheeks, ass buns. I fucking hate this. Everyone who disagrees can keep themselves safe.

Eric:

Okay.

Matt:

All right. Okay, again, it's been a month. I forgot this ended with a threat.

Eric:

The hallmark of a truly great one-star review. I forgot it ended with the promise of violence. So I got, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm going into my mind palace. We've got you better go. You better go deep. Shitty teen acting. Sounds like a blonde, uh, uh, blonde survivor girl uh with uh sounds like a companion running around bad scream acting. It's apparently a cult fucking clatley. It is a it is a it sounds like one of the Mount Rushmores of horror films. I'm I I am gonna go. I I'm I'm just gonna I'm gonna go with my first impulse. Okay. I'm gonna say Friday the 13th. And you take a one movie lead, Eric. It is Friday the 13th. It was a fucking coin flip between Friday the 13th and and Nightmare on Elm Street. But I rem but the main character was Nightmare on Elm Street.

Matt:

And that was what I was hoping you'd be baited by.

Eric:

The only thing I can remember is that the main character from Nightmare on Elm Street is not blonde.

Matt:

That's correct. That is correct. I can't even remember her name. Lori?

Eric:

I or something. I don't know. It's been a hot minute. Yeah.

Matt:

I'm gonna be actually might never have seen Nightmare on Elm Street the whole way through. Oh, it's fucking good. I should see it. I haven't seen, I've only seen the I've only seen the original Friday the 13th. I've never actually seen one of the Jason Friday of the 13th.

Eric:

Oh man, you haven't seen you haven't seen Jason X where he's in space? No, I haven't seen any of it. Oh it's fucking wild. All right, I think that's round two. You're up one nil. All right, movie two, review number one. I would give this movie zero stars if I could.

Matt:

I couldn't have. How many of we how many of these reviews? Sorry to interrupt you, have started with that exact sentence.

Eric:

We just gotta start saying and also with you. Um, I would give this movie zero stars if I could. I couldn't even watch the whole movie. I was expecting a good classic horror film with some funny parts. I love the old blank movies. I've never seen the blank movies, though. If they have a lot of nudity, I will never watch them. All I saw were naked women. I was extremely disappointed to see this movie ruined by nudity. What was the point of putting that crap in a movie? Nudity ruins movies.

Eric and Matt:

And I'm gonna go on record as saying no, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. No.

Eric:

No.

Eric and Matt:

It's like salt in a dish.

Eric:

A little sprinkle of tasteful side boob.

Matt:

A little tasteful side boob, maybe full front. Little little dong from the back? A little dong from the back. No one's ever hey, no one's been upset with a little couple of butts.

Eric:

No. A couple of butts walking around?

Matt:

Love a butt. Come on.

Eric:

Make sure you appreciate what you have before it's butchered. Show me your butt. Show me your butt. Show me your butt. Show me your dong. Um, review number two. All that to say, nudity ruins movies. Um I think we've got an episode titled. Quite possible. Review number two. This movie is simply an embarrassment to the horror movie genre. The storyline is ridiculous, and I'm not even gonna talk about the plot holes. The naive Protagonist story is overdone and plain boring. All the characters are unlikable and impossible to sympathize with, unlike their original franchises, which at least had some form of character development. The cash-grabbing female nudity reminded me of American Pie, which only 2013 Shane Dawson's fans would enjoy. Got 'em! So I guess watch the movie if you want to suffer smiley face.

Matt:

Okay. Okay. Individual franchises. Alright.

Eric:

Review number three. It's not good. CGI is embarrassing. Confusing plot holes and acting of main characters are bad and cringe worthy. The only good part is famous horror actor's portrayal of Blank. Everything else I could do without it. Huh. And furthermore, nudity ruins movies.

Matt:

For as we know. As we know. Okay. So what I'm hearing is there is a cameo appearance by a famous horror movie icon of some kind, possibly more than a cameo. I'm hearing multiple franchises are represented, which underlines my first guess. I think I'm gonna go with it. I think it's risky because I do not consider it a horror movie. Because it's not really a horror movie, it's a comedy. I was trying to judge his face, folks. I was trying to judge if he'd give anything away. Stone. Okay, I'll be honest with you. I've written down two guesses.

Eric:

Okay.

Matt:

First guess was scary movie. Okay. And the second guess was Sharknado. Okay. And I'm gonna say scary movie. I'm going with it. It's my final answer. Yes.

Eric:

Matthew, it was not scary.

Matt:

I had a feeling I was wrong.

Eric:

Better not have been Sharknado, though. No, no, no, no, no, no. It was Freddie versus Jason. Interesting.

Matt:

Interesting. Okay. Okay. Yep.

Eric:

Yep. Robert England being the famous horror actor as portrayal for the Kruger. Of course.

Matt:

And I I thought about that, but I thought, I actually thought, is he in Scary Movie as a cat? Oh, yeah. I was like, is there a cameo by someone like that that I'm not remembering? And that's what I decided to go with.

Eric:

Do you know what movie he does make a cameo in? It's Behind the Mask, The Rise of Leslie Vernon. Yes. We were just talking about Doc Halloran. God, what a good which everyone, speaking of movies, good horror movies, stop. The greatest Halloween movie gem that most of you have probably never heard of. Because every time I ask someone, they've never knew this movie existed. So good. It's called Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. That is all the context you need. Go watch it immediately. Go watch it immediately.

Matt:

It's time for your second movie, Eric. All right. I wouldn't usually write a bad review for such a well-loved movie, but by far this might be one of the worst movies I've watched. Watched it for the first time yesterday, and I was about five minutes in and I was ready to turn it off. But I thought I'd at least watch the whole movie to give it a chance. Bore the whole movie to give it a chance. Boring plot line with a boring cast and the most annoying little sister one could ever get. The only redeeming thing about this movie is that it's Disney, so you know at least they didn't just make this for the money grab. They made it with the intention of trying, keyword trying, to make a good film. Overall, just avoid this, because the only people who seem to like this don't seem to know about actually good Halloween movies. Okay. This movie is honestly very bad. I feel like all the characters are blind here. The main character didn't notice the people behind the tombstones. The sister didn't realize she was crying in the flower bed of a mansion that just so happened to be the main character's love interest. The jokes in this are really bad, and the witches are just cringe. They also constantly said the main character is a virgin, which doesn't make sense as to how this whole thing works. They had a good movie idea, but a really bad execution. I don't understand how so many people like it. Okay.

Eric:

Okay.

Matt:

Third review. I hated this movie. The characters scared me, and I was just I was just a child. Do not, do not let your children watch this movie. The trauma it causes will carry into their adulthood. I can't go out on Halloween for the fear of seeing someone dressed up as one of these horrid beings. Sometimes I hear their laughter while lying in bed, and then I can't sleep. End of review. Matt. Eric. I feel like you're about to win it. I feel like you're gonna win it before we even get to the next review.

Eric:

There's something you need to understand about me. Ah, Christ. I date Alyssa, whose favorite Halloween movie of all time. And it's a good one, is Hocus Pocus. Oh, okay. Now, what I fear here is that you know this and have red-herringed me into a Hocus Pocus. Is this a good one? I feel like you want me to say Hocus Pocus.

Matt:

Well, think about it. Is there alternatives to Hocus Pocus? Oh fuck, there are.

Eric:

Or is this a mind game that you're playing because you in a panic? You're just trying to throw me for a loop. Do I look panicked? Matt, do I sound panicked? Matt, we both have degrees in acting. Don't even look at me right now. I wouldn't want to. Fuck. What what really fucking got me was just the review that started with. Because assuming this person wanted to watch a spooky movie since I hated this movie. The characters scared me. Yes.

Matt:

I do love that. I do love the idea of turning on a scary movie and then being upset that you were scared.

Eric:

Oh, this is fucked. This is fucked. This is oh man.

Matt:

I mean, a possibly scary movie. Possibly scary.

Eric:

No, because I'm trying to remember, I was like, wait, I was like, was there a little girl crying in a flower bush? There was a wealthy love interest in Hocus Pocus. There were witches with laughs. There were kids hiding behind gravestones. God can't. Oh, you clever son of a bitch.

Matt:

Who me?

Eric:

I will never forgive myself if I guess something else and it and it isn't Hocus Pocus and Norl is. So I I'm doing this for my girlfriend. I'm doing this for my girlfriend who I love. I I have to say Hocus Pocus. Final answer. Yeah, it's Hocus. Bet Midler can get it. It is Hocus Pocus? Yeah. Bet Midler can get it. Bet Midler can get it.

Matt:

Honestly, it is fine.

Eric:

Fine, Matthew. I'm gonna come in with my hot take. It's fine. Matt, get it out now and pray she never listens to this episode. It's fine. It's fine. And the second one was dog shit. Oh, the second one. I think we can agree the second one was dog shit. This is a house of learned scholars. The second one was dog shit fan service of the worst kind. Yes. Um agreed. Agreed. Yeah. No, it was it was absolutely like they couldn't, they could, they couldn't, they couldn't pull Doug Jones to get him back as Billy, Billy Bush. That's what I'm saying. Like, like that's when you know you fucked up. When you can't get Doug Jones. When you can't get Doug Jones, Doug Jones will do anything. He'll do anything. He did hocus pocus.

Matt:

Now, Eric, uh you've obviously won. You're already up two. I'm I'm I got nothing. Hopefully I can get your last one, which I guess is your hardest. The rest, as they say, is candy tax. Yeah, all right. So you've already won. I've already won. Just for fun. This is for fun fucking fun. See if I know anything.

Eric:

Fun, dumb fucking holiday. I'll do the last one. Fine. Happy fucking Halloween. Fuck it. We'll do it live. We'll do it live. Review number one. Thank you. I spent about an hour and a half sitting around in my living room on Halloween waiting for something, anything, to happen. Just when I thought it was coming to the big climax at the end in the house, nothing happens. Big surprise. This movie is a complete waste of time. There is nothing scary about it unless you find filming shots of the blank or watching swearing teens or listening to a high-pitched, annoying girl voice. That was pretty scary. Watching film from inside a blank with cheap sound effects playing outside. Or then you should skip this movie. What a sentence. If I was out in the middle of the blank, I too would decide to throw away my only way of finding my way around. My map. This movie had a weak, if any, plot. This movie was one of the biggest letdowns I have ever seen, and I've seen Batman and Robin. And also, first of all, fuck you. Fuck you. You can go fuck.

Matt:

You can go fuck. Kick some ice. What killed the dinosaurs? The ice age. We can't do another episode so close to the last one where we just quoted Batman and Robin.

Eric:

One day we're just gonna have to bite the bullet do a whole episode about Batman and Robin.

Matt:

Sounds like Oops Alta engines to me.

Eric:

Could we, Matt Idea? Could we, would we ever be able to pull the card where we get John Glover on the fucking, on a fucking like, John, can we interview you about your role in Batman and Robin?

Matt:

I mean, I can send him a message, I guess.

Eric:

He'll listen to you. He'll listen to you. He's reasonable. He might. It would be so fucking good. I would die. I would, I would, I would it. Okay. Review number two. Was watching this late into the night after everyone went to bed. They say it's so good. I figured I didn't want to bore the fam in case it was one of those deep movies that you really enjoy on your own. I tried. I really did. At the end of the day, this is the biggest waste of time there is. It is so uninteresting from the actors to the plot to the scary scenes. What a shame. I hope the creators of this content quit and moved on to something drastically different, like cooking burritos or ballet. Uh-oh, that feels bad. Any I know that feels like it could be very problematic. Anything far away from making horror sorry, anything far away from making horror movies because they are almost the worst movie makers in the history of mankind. It is interesting, movie makers. It ends on this. Oh, I'm sorry. Despicable bland failures. Wow. Review number three. What in the shit was that? My sweet Jesus. My friend and I watched this thinking it would be one of the best produced 90s horror films from the Delulu reviews online, but the way this firing hunk of irritating garbage enraged us from the Paris Geller personified character and the snail slow burn plot made us want to throw our bottle of wine through the TV. And that's the thing. We were wine drunk. Like my god, anything is good when wine drunk, but not this shit. I mean, that's kind of true. These are some of the most savage reviews I've ever read.

Matt:

Yeah, really. Oh, that's it. That's everything.

Eric:

That's everything. Hmm.

Matt:

I am at a complete loss for this one.

Eric:

Really?

Matt:

Uh maybe I'm just not maybe I'm deluded by my previous failures. You're in the circle in the drain. Yeah, the Paris Geller thing has thrown me a little bit. Because that makes me think just like look-alike type thing of like a of like a terror read. But I don't think that's gonna be it. I think I wanna say scream. No, I don't think I do. Because the per first person was like, oh, it might be one of them intellectual movies. Um I mean the the the the the the the the the map is interesting. There's definitely some the some clues in here, and I'm coming up empty. I'm all over the map, and I'm gonna say I don't think it's right at all. I'm gonna say House of a Thousand Corpses.

Eric:

Love House of a Thousand Corpses. Yeah, so it's not right. It is not House of a Thousand Corpses. No, it was filmed in Maryland. It is the Blair Witch project.

Matt:

Oh my god. Okay, I can see it. I can see it. Shit. Wow. O for three, Matt Wen. You gotta rock. I gotta rock, and you could get a sweep.

Eric:

I could get a sweep.

Matt:

All right, Eric. Here you go. Let's see if you can do it. Let's see if we can do it. Because there's no tension here. No dramatic consequence. Do I get the turkey? It's just whether or not you go for the hat trick. Are you ready for your first review? I'm ready. Alright. The movie, it was good before they go to Mexico.

Eric:

Is that the entire second review?

Matt:

This movie's stupid. Anybody on here that is saying it's a masterpiece or it's splendid is wrong. The movie starts really good. Halfway through the movie, I'm all for it. You have Actor one and Actor Two who are brothers. The beginning starts out like an actor two movie. Actually, if you would have handed this movie to Actor Two and said, hey, make the script good, we probably would have gotten a great movie. But in my opinion, we got a mediocre vampire movie. Yeah, this movie is about vampires for some reason. It started off with these two fucking people, with actor one being a hot-headed thief, and actor two being a pervert, pedophile, creep rapist. Overall, a good concept. Something that blank would have probably come up with himself. But no, we get vampires. Review number three. Worst movie, only good scene is the dancers. End of review. From Dust Till Dawn. Wow, Eric, really good. It's from Dust Till Dawn. Yeah. And my favorite part about this is them saying if actor two wrote the movie, actor two is Quentin. Actor two is Quentin Tarantino, and Quentin Tarantino did write the movie.

Eric:

And directed, or was it Robert Rodriguez?

Matt:

Robert Rodriguez directed it, but Quentin Tarantino wrote it.

Eric:

Yeah. Sorry, you know, you know Tarantino wrote it because there's a scene where uh What's Her Face sticks her foot in his mouth.

Matt:

Selma Hayek. Yes. Which and he does a shot off of her bare foot in his mouth. And uh yeah, that's a Tarantino wrote the movie. My favorite scene in the whole movie, though, is very in the in the first act, Tarantino gets shot in the hand and he's just looking at George Clooney, also known as actor one, through the hole in his hand. When Clooney's like, Are you okay? And he just looks through this terrible CGI hole in his hand. God, it's a good movie. It's a good, it's bad. It's a it's good.

Eric:

It's a what it's such a it's it's such a Tarantino Robert Rodriguez movie. Oh, uh in the best possible way. This had to walk, so death race could or not death race, so um um deathproof. Deathproof and planet terror could could run.

Matt:

Yeah, grindhouse is how that was released as this double feature.

Eric:

Yes.

Matt:

Uh yeah, from Dusk till Dawn. And wow, Eric, no drama even in the guests. You just completely mopped the floor with me in our first ever themed Google gripes. I am, and I don't mind saying this, embarrassed. I am, I am embarrassed. I feel bad. I feel bad. I feel let down, and I feel let down by me. Now, we had talked about this previously, and I'll let the cat out of the bag if you haven't figured it out yet. We were also planning on doing a Christmas Google Gripes episode. And when we do, I'm gonna have to come hard.

Eric:

You're gonna have to go scorch fucking now, and to your credit, I I will say that I I not so much in in in later years, I was obsessed with scary movies most of my childhood.

Matt:

I w I was too. You know, like I've we've talked about this before. Lindsay doesn't like horror movies, and so in the last 15 years, my horror movie intake has plummeted.

Eric:

Yeah, yes, say uh yes, that's why that's why I'm trying to like rekindle it with this this month of spooky movies. Say I feel like you're gonna wipe the floor with me on Christmas.

Matt:

I might. It might be a reversal of fortunes. I'm gonna, and Eric, I don't mind telling you, I'm going for that. Yeah, you've you've earned it. You you can I earned it because this was a fucking joke. I guess you could say it was child's play. Oh my god. Oh, I hate him. I hate him.

Eric:

I hate him, folks. Look, this doesn't have to be me versus you, Freddie.

Matt:

Yeah, it does. That's actually the definition of the game.

Eric:

Okay.

Matt:

We're the only two people here.

Eric:

Yeah, no, you're right.

Matt:

It's a competition, and I won very hard. And you won very hard.

Eric:

So hard.

Matt:

You won so hard, and it no even, and again, didn't even hesitate with from Dusk till Dawn.

Eric:

The second you said uh Matt, as soon as I realized the entire first review was it was better before it got to Mexico, I was like, Oh, I wonder if it's from Dusk till Dawn. I can't believe that's what gave it away. Well, no, that's when I was a wondering, and then as soon as I heard there were two brothers, like Dust Till Dawn.

Matt:

Yeah, I thought that if I thought if you've seen Dusk till Dawn from Dusk till Dawn, the second review will probably give it away. But the oh, and the the reason I got um flubbed in the middle and I was like, these fucking guys is because I forgot I forgot to blank out a Tarantino and I panicked.

Eric:

I have done that to myself for Google Gripes so many times. I I now have I reread all of my reviews. I thought I caught them.

Matt:

I thought I caught them all.

Eric:

Also, I'm just gonna say it for for my my fellow my fellow millennials, and honestly, anyone who saw Dustil Dawn when they were a kid, which probably shouldn't have, but you know, if Selma Hayek the vampire version wasn't a sexual awakening for you, I don't know what is. Oh my god.

Matt:

Listen, you can say what you want about Tarantino and his well, well publicized foot fetish.

Eric:

Well established, well documented.

Matt:

If Selma Hayek's gonna put her little tozies in my mouth, I'm not saying no.

Eric:

No, no. We should be so lucky, we should be so fake and we should like. I I mean, like, come on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this this it's it's stepping time, as Eric put not too long ago. From Dust Baton, it's stepping time. Dust baton it's stepping time. Stepping time, stepping time.

Matt:

Uh step on my face, Alma Hayek. Listen. We should be so lucky. We can need your questions. They don't have to be Halloween themed. If you want, this would be a good time to give us some Thanksgiving themed. That might time out well if you so desire. Uh, or they can be about, and this is true, fucking anything. Really anything on earth. And uh listen, we already kind of did it, so I'll do it a little bit again. Patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this. One dollar a month, you get access to the Discord community of your daft, where it is popping off all the time.

Eric:

Where we will have a Selma Hayek Discord channel dedicated solely. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Matt:

Keep it to the Orgy Dome. Yes, keep it to the Orgy Dome. And four dollars a month gets you access to uh our legendary spin-off series, oops all tangents, now in its second year. So there are 13 of those bad boys already out and about. So go listen to them. And I this is true today. Uh, it also gets you 20% off all merch in the adapt merch store. We are gonna hopefully have some new merch before too long, and that's all I can say about that because the website redesign has been long delayed. That's on me. I apologize to you, to Eric.

Eric:

Yeah, there we go.

Matt:

And uh we uh it's just been a very hectic uh summer and everything for me. And um, I'm trying, I'm trying to carve out the time to be able to work on it. I'm trying to roll that stone up my Sisophean hill. I work too hard for that. I agree. I agree. I work too hard for it. I worked too hard for it, and I apologize. I apologize to you, Eric. And I apologize to you, Amelia, and I apologize to me.

Eric:

Oh, yeah, there's my cat in the background.

Matt:

Yeah, yeah, no one can see it but me. But anyway, there she is, and there we are. And Eric, oh yeah, the socials you didn't ask pod. That's the letter you didn't ask pod, Instagram, blue sky, all the other places. Threads, I guess. Threads, I guess, TikTok. We haven't posted in TikTok in a hot minute, but yeah, it's still there. Yeah. Um, the uh again, I don't have time to work on the website. I certainly don't have time to create these clips, but I could so follow us on TikTok for one day when I get around to it. But I think that will about do it. That will what has been, I think, the messiest business of the history of the business, but I am still reeling from my embarrassment at Google Gripes. So I can be forgiven.

Eric:

I hope you will have your revenge.

Matt:

I hope so. This Christmas. I hope it's a black Christmas for you. Oh, I hope it's bloody. It'll be a holly. Folly of a Christmas. Eric, really good. Thank you. God, you didn't work hard for that at all. No. Naturally.

Eric:

I just scraped that right off the dumb.

Matt:

Oh, yeah. Well, let's see what else you scrape off when I go. Well, that'll about do it for all of us here. You didn't ask for this. My name's Matt Shea. My name's Eric Poach. And listen, you didn't ask. Now close your eyes. Is that Selma Hayek's foot in your mouth? Uh maybe. Or is it Liberace? No.

Eric:

Really good. Really good. Really look, I spent all the gas on Google Gripes. Really good. This is what's left in the tank.