136 | The Seuss Hat Redemption

Our questions this week:

• When does a guess become a guesstimate?
• You know that expression of incredulity, “if that’s true, I’ll eat my hat?” If you said this and then the thing turned out to be true, which of your hats would you choose to eat, and how would you prepare it for consumption? 

Then, Eric provides Matt with yet another new closing segment: No Context. It's got some visual aids, so check out the Instagram for the full experience. 

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Transcript

Cold Open

Matt 0:00

Eric, there are bad habits that people have. And then there are strange uncontrollable ticks that some that some folks have. Eccentricities. Absolutely. And I I don't know if you suffer from this one. I know I'm not alone. I've seen other people with this affliction. Okay. But I have a weird a weird almost like a tick. When I drop something, I make this impulse to, I guess, hacky sack the the object back into my hands.

Eric 0:40

Yeah, bro.

Matt 0:41

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. As if I've ever been able to hacky sack a hacky sack successfully. You were among peers. The and what more often than not happens is I have an object, like keys say, and I'll drop the keys, and without thinking, I jut my foot out as if I'm going to like kick it up into the air and snatch it like an athlete. Like a sockerman. Like a suckerman. But what ends up happening is I just yeet the keys across a sidewalk. And then have to be like, sorry about. And it always disturbs everyone around me. Everyone around me is like, what the fuck just happened? And I'm I have to be like, I don't know. Do you have this problem?

Eric 1:32

I still occasionally have this problem, but it not nearly as much as I did when I was younger. And I'll tell you why. Oh, good lore. Once I started working in a manufacturing facility, I was teaching people how to solder. And one of the kind of first things you learn when you start soldering is one of the first things we impress upon you is if you drop the soldering iron, don't try to catch it. If you drop what is essentially an 800-degree falling knife, don't try to catch it. So so now what you'll often see me do is if I drop something, it's just it's just instinct because it's also the result of many people dropping soldering irons while I'm near them.

Matt 2:24

Yeah.

Eric 2:25

You'll just see my hands shoot to the sky as if an old timey, an old timey policeman said, stick them up, stick them up, buckeye.

Matt 2:33

Yeah, the I have a similar thing with like knives in the kitchen or something. It's like the opposite of my other reaction. If I like drop a knife, it's like I go spread eagle. Like I'm I dive out of the way of it, as if the knife might turn and attack me.

Eric 2:51

100%. Um, and and yeah, the uh falling knife has no handle, all that, all that just falling soldering iron has no iron.

Matt 3:00

Nice.

Eric 3:00

Uh yeah, when it's dangerous thing, I'm just like, oh, hands to the sky, panic. But if it's literally anything else, I'm kidding, I I uh my my limbs just just start shooting out from my body to try to to try to hack it and sack it. I don't even know what end of the thing. I don't know what I think's gonna happen.

Matt 3:22

Yeah, what did I think? How did I think this was gonna work? I think maybe one time in my life I like dropped my keys or something and it landed on my shoe, and I just sort of flicked it back up to myself, and I've been chasing that high ever since. Yep. And I it's not my story, but I'm realizing in this moment, I have an interesting anecdote about this happening to a friend of a mutual friend of ours, I think, but he actually Dustin, Dustin Morris. If you're still a he he actually submitted our very first question that spawned our friend Harry the Centaur. But we were uh co-workers for a long time at various places, and we were at a Starbucks, and he had brought like a reusable like glass like coffee mug or whatever, so like, because you can bring it and you know, Starbucks will just fill up what you brought. And he he he dropped it and he did this. He did the whole like, ooh, let me try to stop it with my foot. I think he was trying to stop it from shattering on the floor, fair, and like break its fall. But what he did was he kicked it directly at the counter and it exploded far further than it would it would have if he had just let it fall and crack.

Eric 4:46

If this were Halo, he just stole someone's kill.

Matt 4:48

And it's all he did. It was like the ultimate of the whole store being like, what the fuck just happened over there? And he was like, I'll clean it up. And the people the baristas were like, actually, you can't. Legally, you cannot clean it up.

Eric 5:06

We have to do it now. Get out of here, you dick. Begone, foot smasher. I will do you have a noise? Uh when I do this? No, no, yeah, when you're because I my body generates. I don't think I do. My body generates something along the haunted.

Matt 5:25

No, I think I'm full with I'm full of silent determination. So I think it's just I don't even do that. I think it's a full focus into hack hack this sack. Hack the sack. And then I don't. Then you don't, you shatter a vase.

Eric 5:43

No, and then I shit the bed. Oh what's the what's the funniest thing you've ever tried to do that with? Oh god, I couldn't even tell you.

Matt 5:52

I do it with everything. I I do it I have a banana could fall out of my hands, and I do it. It's it's a it's a gut instinct. I can't stop it.

Eric 6:02

I uh what I have done is that has a higher success rate, no success with the hacking and the sacking unless I've dropped an article of clothing. Something that will hook itself to me by means of gravity. Yeah, then because then you can just raise it up. Yeah, and it looks race and feel like a god. But what I when it's something that like uh that I re uh we don't want that hitting the ground, like glass glass something. I've actually had a lot of success in recent years. If I'm near a counter or something when it drops, not throwing my hip into it, but just kind of starfishing against the counter or the surface.

Matt 6:43

So I'll get the shit out of the counter.

Eric 6:45

So uh yeah, so I I I I snap I use my entire body, becomes the hand that clasps it.

Matt 6:52

I love the image of you, as you put it, starfishing with I'm assuming crotch first up against just dick to the wind. No, not to the wind. Three dicks to the wind. You can't have that flopping around. No, no, you'd have to be excited first for it to be of any use to anyone. Yeah, no, no, it's in its holster. It's in its it's it's safety's on.

Eric 7:16

Safety's on, good. Safety's on. Where am I corduroys? But just corduroy. Yeah. I don't know. You you probably haven't seen me in my corduroys. Every time we hang out, I usually wear some variation of cargo pant.

Matt 7:33

The the corduroy that took that took me out of the moment. I I I was surprised by you and corduroy. I'm just reflecting.

Eric 7:45

Did you you weren't able to hacky sack the corduroy back into the brain? I couldn't hacky sack corduroy into my brain. No. Yeah, I have I have a pair of corduroy pants that I like so much that when I ripped a giant hole in the ass crotch region, I sewed that shit up like a civil war reenactor.

Matt 8:05

My god. Who knew you were such a frontiersman?

Eric 8:09

My ass stitch is holding strong, dog.

Matt 8:40

My name is Eric Poach. Eric Poach, how are you?

Eric 8:45

Pretty marvelous, pretty chill. Where I'm I'm pretty cozy right now. Maryland Weather doing what Maryland Weather does, where we we had like three, four whole ass days.

Matt 8:57

I was in the 40s on Sunday, and it snowed yesterday, which was Monday.

Eric 9:03

I I Matt, I was sitting at this computer playing video games yesterday. I I completely neglect neglected to look at the forecast. I had not left the house. So at one point, I I look out and I see everything is just white again, and I was just like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. And and and with the knowledge safe in the knowledge that it'll all be melted by probably now, by now. Yep, it's all gone. Yeah, it's it's all it's all vanished, and it'll be in like the 70s this weekend.

Matt 9:35

I yes, I I am hopeful. So in Maryland, we traditionally have several false starts. Yes. There's the false spring, which I think was about two weeks ago for us. And I think this is what I and uh others have deemed the spring of deception.

Eric 9:54

This is like Game of Thrones.

Matt 9:58

Where the spring of deception is where it is like shorts weather for like two days, and then it suddenly is 20 degrees.

Eric 10:08

Yep. March. March is March comes like a lion. Help. Help. Help. Help us. Uh I in famously in March in Maryland, I went camping one weekend and at night it got into the 20s, and then the next day I got a sunburn.

Matt 10:26

I think you might have shared that on this very show before, my friend. Yeah. Then again, I might have shared this little hacky sack kicking thing on the show before, but who can possibly know? Who can say? Hack and say hack in sack is a city. Now or a township? I don't know. Who knows about New York? Census designated place. Who knows about New Jersey? Now, Eric, we have some things to discuss, I think. We do. And there are questions. There are questions. So Matthew.

Eric 10:59

Do we have opening business? I don't think we do. I think we're I think we're good. Okay, but oh, what I will say though, great, good listeners. Um, at the end of today's episode, today's closing segment, um, I've taken it upon myself again to come up with a game for Matt. Yeah. And it's gonna be a grand old time. Let's see what happens. Let's see where it goes.

Matt 11:21

I know nothing about this except that Eric has sent me an email that I'm not allowed to open. Titled No Context. I I that that's all I have to go off of, folks. So stay tuned for yet another fun-filled Eric Poach Endeavor.

Eric 11:37

But until then, our first question. Oh, Eric. Coming from the ether. I wrote it down. What? The question. Oh. It came from me. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's what I was getting to. The ether, aka Matthew Shea. Yeah, yeah. When does a guess become a guesstimate?

Matt 11:55

Now, in hearing it back, I wonder if it isn't backwards. When does a guesstimate become a guess? Perhaps. But I think what we're talking about here is definitions. Right. Yes. Because an educated guess is is, I think, notably different. I think that I don't even think that's in the conversation. I think a guess is best described as like a it is a shot in the dark.

Eric 12:20

Yeah.

Matt 12:21

It is a it is a attempt to answer something, but with no sort of you've been handed a pineapple and a freight train, and you've been asked to relate them somehow.

Eric 12:35

And like, I guess this could be, you know, this could be it, maybe be a fruit train of some kind.

Matt 12:42

Yeah. So but a guesstimate to set says to me that science is involved. Science is involved.

Eric 12:48

And to me, that you're you have a good idea of the neighborhood, but you can't say exactly. Right. Like, oh, you're saying you have like pre-knowledge of the event. Like, oh, you're buying a house, yeah, you'll pay that off in like 20 to 30 years. It's a guess. Sure. That's the guess. Other things factor in. I'm not going to be able to, like, oh, 27 years based on your goddamn credit score. I don't know you. I don't know your shit. You don't know my score.

Matt 13:18

You don't know my FICO. So what is the difference? Uh you said you didn't think it entered into it, but is a guesstimate the same as an educated guess? No. Why not, Eric?

Eric 13:32

An educated guess, I feel has the full backing of institutional knowledge behind it. A guesstimate feels a little more streetwise.

Matt 13:48

I I really like where you're going with this. I don't necessarily know that you need a degree in something to say, here's my educated guest. No, you do not. I think you just need to have put some level of research into something, even if that was in the past. Andor experience. That's what I mean. Like research and or experience. Yes. Of like, you know, as someone who used to be a bartender, here's my educated guess of how you'd make this cocktail. You know, something like that.

Eric 14:23

Educated guesses leading them, lead themselves toward kind of reverse engineering. Like it's seeing like, oh, okay, following like, okay, we have these things present with this result. My educated guess is that that guy shot that guy because he was, you know, doing him dirty on the side. Like you're you're you're you're kind of surlocking with an educated guess.

Matt 14:50

Yes, you are playing detective to a certain extent. I think I agree.

Eric 14:54

You have you have a bunch of potential causes, you have some evident effects, and you're trying to link them using the knowledge and experience at your disposal. A guesstimate tends to involve a statistical component of some kind, a quantifiable component. I agree, because it's the it's the estimate part. How many miles are we going to be able to make it on this much gas? How many, how, you know, how far do you think I can throw this bowling ball? Throw the bowling ball. Throw it. You're talking about lobbing? I'm talking overhand a throw league bowling ball pitch. Eric. I'm not saying it'll be far. How do you bowl? Carefully. Eric, you don't do that.

Matt 15:47

That's how we roll. Baltimore, baby. Doesn't sound like how you roll. It sounds how like how you launch a bomb.

Eric 15:53

Matt, why do you think they call it duck pin? Cause I'm throwing. Eric?

Matt 16:00

What the fuck does that mean? Oh, Eric is now ducking on camera to make it clear to you, listener, of what his joke meant.

Eric 16:12

About a very specific subtype of bowling that is found in Maryland, and I'm not sure if and if anywhere else. If anywhere else. If you play duckpin outside of the DMV area, drop us a line. I don't think I've ever played duckpin. It's amazing. You feel like a god. For anyone not aware, duckpin is just bowling, but about, I'd say two-thirds smaller. The pins. The pins are small, and the ball is smaller. Yeah, it's the ball fits in the palm of your hand.

Matt 16:48

It does look like one of those the balls that you'd find in a in a Dave and Buster in the in the I don't even know what you call it. The ring game where you throw the thing up and it goes in one of the circles.

Eric 17:00

It's a skee ball on steroids. Is that what it's called? Ski ball? Ski ball, ski ball is the thing where you roll it and it goes, yeah, it goes in the hole.

Matt 17:07

Yes, that's ski ball. Yeah, it's ski ball. Ski ball is what I described as throwing a ball into a circle. Yes. You didn't know that was called skee ball? Eric, it's been a minute since I've been in the arcades.

Eric 17:19

Okay, I'm sorry. You're you're I I you have a lot going on right now. I'm gonna be someone's father, Eric. You're gonna be a father, and you're gonna have to teach a kid how to play fucking ski ball.

Matt 17:30

I'm gonna have to know so much.

Eric 17:32

Matt, I'm I'm gonna tell you, when that kid's old enough, we're going to the arcade, and I'm gonna school that child in skee ball, so I want them to come correct. My father never taught me skee ball.

Matt 17:43

God damn. He also never taught me to shave. That one's real.

Eric 17:48

Anyway, uh we all carry the sins of our fathers. No, that can't be true. No. No.

Matt 17:55

Dear God, no. I'm all fucked up. Anyway, uh, before we uh go down that spiral, uh so we were talking about duckpin.

Eric 18:05

We were talking about duckpin because we were talking about guesstimates. Guesstimate. How far I could throw a bowling ball.

Matt 18:13

A guess a guesstimate. Here's a good example of guesstimate. We're back in the arcade, and there's the tell me guess how many things are in this jar or in this uh you know large container. The classic guesstimate. Because it goes from guess to guesstimate. If you just look at the thing and you're like, eh, 520. Yeah. But if you say, do what I like to do in this situation as if I'm smart and count like a row. Yep. And then be like, okay, well, there's roughly 10 rows.

Eric 18:53

You can literally see the calculus flying over your head as you do it.

Matt 18:57

Feeling that is a guesstimate because there's some level of effort to like raise the accuracy of your guess, but it's inherently flawed. Yes. It's it is not researched by any means.

Eric 19:14

No, no, no, no. It's not an educated guess. Like, you know, like I'm not applying any sort of volumetric equations here. That Matt, I think you've nailed the definition of guesstimate. It's the how many you it's degrees of knowledge you're working with. Educated guests, you have institutional experience, knowledge about a thing. Uh on the other complete opposite side, you're at a guess, which is I'm just shooting in the dark. I I am like, this is they hand you the jar of jelly beans, but it's completely opaque. You can't see within it, and they're like, guess how many are in here? I'm like, I'll guess.

Matt 19:54

What would be past educated guess? Is it just knowledge at that point? Ah, I was gonna suggest hypothesis, but hypothesis is specifically a guess that you then intend to disprove or disprove. Yeah. My hypothesis is this, let's test it. That is not a guesstimate.

Eric 20:15

I think it I think no, because because it moves well, because in all of these, you're sort of there is a here's my guess, let's find out. Yes. How about this? Okay. Beyond educated guess, next step, thesis. Thesis. Thesis. Because thesis is a I have an idea and I'm gonna try to prove it. No, I think you're on about that. As as the You are much more versed in As the husband of a doctor As the husband of Dr.

Matt 20:47

Lindsay R. Barr. Thesis is usually here's my idea, and I'm gonna prove it. Here, here, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I in this podcast, I will show.

Eric 21:03

Webster's dictionary defines podcast as a medium for white men with glasses to find meaning within this. It's also gonna make a white man joke. We should make a podcast about it. God, we should. We'd be good at it. Um, okay, so so yeah, I think so. Actually, I then I would bridge it. I would go educate a guest, turns into hypothesis, and then the script flips. Where that that by that level, once you hit thesis, you're like, you show up, bitch. I've got receipts. Yeah.

Matt 21:33

I've got I've got I've got receipts right here. Read them and weep. Yeah. Then they cry. Then they cry. No, I think I think we're onto it. I think we might have nailed it already.

Eric 21:43

I think it is like so. It really just boils down to how many threads of knowledge are you pulling here? At the very bottom, guess, nothing. You're in the dark. It's shot in the dark, baby. Shot in the dark. You the only information you have is that you are you and you see what you see, and you have no other context. And you blurt something. God, this is thematic and you don't know why yet. Then you have the guesstimate, which is you have a thread of knowledge. You see, there is the jar, you see their jelly beans, you can see how big they are, how and that's about and that's you're going just off of that, but you're not bringing anything else to the table. An educated guess is you are a you are a like a a math a mathematicist who studies like or or or like any sort of numbers individual. Is mathematicist related to mathematician? Mathematicians learn about number theory. Like they do a lot of they do a lot of what basically could be considered math, like all their shit's like theoretical. It it's it's no nothing else. Are you trying? Are you being serious right now? I'm being dead serious. It's it's kind of like how like mathematicist is a thing.

Matt 22:50

Uh mathematicists. Mathematicist sounds like someone who makes a guesstimate as opposed to a mathematician who makes a thesis.

Eric 22:58

Mathematicist is my guesstimate of what that person would be called. But a mathematician is a is a defining thing. They they deal with like they study the concept of numbers and math. Like kind of like how a linguist studies the how languages work, but doesn't mean they can speak all of it. Like uh JRR Tolkien was a linguist. Sure. Didn't mean he was like an ex like he knew a fuck ton of languages. Sure. And made up a bunch more. But like linguist studies how language works itself, not any one particular language. Good knowledge.

Matt 23:40

Is mathematicist a word? I didn't see it, but I I I tried to Google it. You did catch me Googling it.

Eric 23:47

I I when you're when your entire face just sort of lights up from the from the screen. What I did find though was mathematicism. Mathematicism? Mathematicism. Sounds like some sort that sounds like something you get accused of when you're being burned at the stake for being a witch.

Matt 24:04

I don't think you're far off. It is the effort to employ the formal structure and rigorous method of mathematics as a model for the conduct of philosophy.

Eric 24:16

Huh.

Matt 24:17

The term has been applied to a number of philosophers, including Pythagoras and Rene Descartes.

Eric 24:23

I saw Goody Shea doof mathematicism in the woods. He wrote his name in the devil's blue book. In the devil's blue book?

Matt 24:31

Oh the devil's blue book. You know, they're thinking about bringing back blue books to the coolie chip because of the because of the AI and the cheating. A makes total sense. B, didn't know they left, but that is unsurprising. Yeah, they kind of left and now they're back. Yeah. Is what my professor uh wife has to say to me.

Eric 24:49

I'm really stoked to see how the the one of the silver linings of the of the AI end up on a Lindsay correction corner.

Matt 24:57

I just know it. Oh, yeah.

Eric 24:58

Hey, Lindsay, hi from us in the past. We're just gonna go ahead and say no, I said some bullshit just now. We know we were this one's pro this is a minefield. Lindsay, this is a free. You know what? We're canceling it out. Whatever I said just now is wrong. No, yeah. If we in the moment call ourselves on you, you can't do that.

Matt 25:19

You can't bring this back, mother of my child.

Eric 25:21

You can't do that. We already learned our lesson. So I think the silver lining of the AI apocalypse is that we're gonna kind of be forced to go back to like human interaction. Like, oh shit, you're actually gonna have to write your papers again. Yeah. You're gonna have to like actually fuck. And I think that's good for our brains. I think that's good for our brains and academia.

Matt 25:44

Don't at me. And I think a guesstimate is cosplaying an educated guess. Yes.

Eric 25:53

Snaps in the chat, boys. We got it.

Matt 25:56

Snaps in the chat, boys. Lock it down. Write it in the ledger of you daft's answers. It's done. Consider it Mambo number six. Ooh! What a throwback. Threading together the episode. Ooh!

Eric 26:11

Our next question. Ooh, gonna do both of them, yes, E. Yes. Comes from one of Knightly Bearing. None other than Sir Juniper, first knight of Yadaf. The banners have been called. Yes. Uh Juniper submitted this one over our Discord. The question is Because Juniper's better than you. Yeah, and and she knows it.

Matt 26:38

Juniper is better than you, and you should accept it.

Eric 26:43

Empirically. Literally, she's she's a knight. She's a knight.

Matt 26:47

She's she's an OYE. Oh wait. Oh let him work it out, folks. An OI. An OI. So I guess I guess you can't ac put I can't guess you can't abbreviate an acronym. So it would have to be an O We'd find a way. O Y D-A-F-T-E. An O Ya Dafty. Oh yeah. Oh, kind of like ye old shoppy.

You know that expression of incredulity, “if that’s true, I’ll eat my hat?” If you said this and then the thing turned out to be true, which of your hats would you choose to eat, and how would you prepare it for consumption?

Eric 27:18

You were reading a question. Our question is cursor juniper. You know that expression of incredulity? Quote, if that's true, I'll eat my hat. Quote. If you said this, and then the thing turned out to be true, which of your hats would you choose to eat and how would you prepare it for consumption? And so this this I know we do personal questions as like its own thing every while, but it is a directed. This is a directed, which of your hats would you choose to eat and how would you prepare it for consumption? Matt, talk to me about your hat game.

Matt 27:58

Oh, interesting. Okay, well, Eric, I think you know my hat game. I have I I know I know one hat above all others. I assume you're referring to my Yankees hat.

Eric 28:08

Yes.

Matt 28:09

Yes. I uh I am a Yankees fan. I have worn Yankees hats throughout my life. Um you look fucking phenomenal in a baseball cap. I just throwing that out there. I like to think so. I'm sure it's not actually true, but I am I have spent many years as a person who is often seen out of doors in a baseball cap. That is mostly a Yankees hat until my um until my Wrexham fandom came along. I now have a Wrexham baseball hat that's very comfortable as well. I also famously never get rid of my Yankees hats. I keep them off. No, you yeah, they're like they're like the doctor in your Doctor Who, they just regenerate. They get they get retired. I have many retired Yankees hats in my closet, but I like to not get rid of them because I like to every now and then line them up and take a progress photo of my life. Well, family photo. So I don't get rid of them. Some of them do like Sans through the Hourglass. So are the hats of his life. Like I have one that is super sweat stained that has become my yard hat. Yeah. Oh, you gotta have a yard hat. That's my yard hat now. I have another one that I got as a gift, which I don't like. I don't like getting Yankee hats as a gift because I'm very particular, people who get me Yankees hats. I'm very particular. It takes me a long time in a lids to pick out a Yankee hat.

Eric 29:42

The the mall by my house, my like the house I grew up in, Marley Station, fucking they have like that. Mall is still open. They have like 10 stores maybe inside of it, and one tenth of the stores in that mall is a lids. That's stood the test of time.

Matt 30:00

You gotta have a lids. Maybe, you know, I it does feel a little like the podcast Mall Walk In, but perhaps that is a Yadapton afraid. We go to a mall.

Eric 30:08

Oh, that is a Y Daft.

Matt 30:09

Oh yeah. And and I I am really breaking barriers by even saying that into a microphone because Eric, I think you know this about me. I hate malls. Yeah. I hate in general being around mass amounts of the public. And a mall is a nightmare.

Eric 30:30

Yeah.

Matt 30:31

I when you see me in a mall, I am a man on a mission. I am going to a store that only exists in the mall, and I am mad about it. Yes. There are times around the holidays, Lindsay and I usually go to a mall to like browse. Usually only time I'm in a mall, holidays. Exactly. Like I need a little inspiration. I need a window shop. Yeah. But I hate it. I always hate it. Everyone, no one has any concept of how to walk, it seems, in a mall. Oh no.

Eric 31:04

We completely lost. And also, just most malls don't know what the fuck they're doing anymore. Well, they're all dying. They're all dying. There's no bookstores. There's no toy stores aside from the weird pop-ups that are just selling like.

Matt 31:18

And if there is a bookstore, it's a fucking books a million. It's a books a million. And listen, I am a loyalist to BNN. I uh not only because I work there, but you're a company man. You're company man. I'm a company man. Listen, I was told by a manager like 20, not 20 years ago, but like 10 uh literally 10 years ago when I left BNN, hey, if uh if that full-time job doesn't work out, come on back to me. And I know he doesn't remember me, but I intend to hold him to it. That's your I will show up and be like, remember me? And they'll be like, that man died nine years ago.

Eric 31:57

And he named you as his successor. Welcome, Mr. Ship Managing. Uh so your hat. Fuck where we have many Yankees hats. So I own Yankees hats. You own Yankees hats. Uh so I own Yankees hats.

Matt 32:14

I I own I uh in a recent development when I've been going to like my I've decided because I need another collection, Eric. Yeah, because I like to collect collections. Yep, I have as I've gone to some like minor league games, I like to get a hat from the minor league team that I'm going to. That's fun. So I have a collection of like I have like a Long Island Ducks hat that I really like because it's it's just the ducks' little flapper foot as their alternate logo. It's very cute. I have a Lancaster Barnstormers uh who they recently changed their name to just Stormers, and everyone hates it. Yeah, of course they do. Barnstormers rules. Barnstormers rules, it makes sense culturally.

Eric 33:02

It's the least, it's the most active and least problematic thing you could do. Usually when a when a mascot is very active, you're like, oh, there's this isn't good. Yeah, yeah. Um usually, usually followed by the fighting. Uh oh. Oh, yeah. Anybody fighting. The screaming screaming banshees. Uh oh, no, no, no, no, no. Many banshees listen to this podcast. Are banshees canceled? I don't know. And I'm afraid to ask. Probably. Probably. Thank God finally it happened. Don't worry. I've got a file labeled Joe Rogan Pivot. Uh it's in the tab of our that's our that's our that's our contingency. Uh you'll also get a packet of DMT in the mail. So, anyway, drink hydrogen peroxide.

Matt 33:57

Yeah. It's good for you. Uh so hats. I don't do that. So hats. So I have tried to be an elevated hat guy in the past. Like I once went to a hat shop. Oh, okay. A hat where yes, where they wear suits to talk to you. You know, like Oh yeah. You went to hats in the belfry. And and and put on like a pork pie. And oh yeah, the bowler. I I would love, I, because of my love of Godot, I would love to have a good, authentic, real, not costume party bowler hat. I think I could pull off a bowler hat with certain outfits, but like, I don't know. I tried like a true uh like a trilby and uh and what people often call a fedora. Uh the food I tried a real fedora. Real fedora slaps. Yeah, but it now I don't think I I I look like an asshole.

Eric 35:01

The use case is so am I going to a 1920s themed party? It's kind of an Indiana Jones themed event.

Matt 35:10

Yes. Yes. Uh so I don't have any like fancy hats. Um, I have a few like utilitarian hats of like like I still have the hat I took to Philmont because it's like a Gore-Tex wide brim, full brim hat to protect against the sun and the rain. Yeah. It's it's it's uh ugly. It's not an attractive uh garment. How edible would you describe this hat as? That is probably a lot more edible than, or at least easier to chew than, say, the Yankees hats.

Eric 35:44

Yeah, that's that's where my brain's going. I'm like, what is the the hat of least resistance? So talk to me about your hat game. All right, Matt. I I think you would agree. I'm not a hat person. No. I don't I like I don't tend to wear, but in recent years, and when I be say recent years, I mean like really the last like two to three years, I have started embracing hats more often. I've got I've got a couple that are actually in a rotation. When it's nice out, I wear, I wear a hat. Um, I've got most recent edition of the collection, probably one of my slickest hats. Uh, ball cap, a blood red bill to the cap, black with bl like red lettering, Costco. Because they were handing out Costco logo hats at Costco if you switched your your subscrip your your your your what's the word uh membership membership to auto-renew. And I just happened to I never I never had so cool. So I just oh I'll let me see.

Matt 36:49

I Eric, we were in a Costco not long ago. Well, no, I know we were, but I mean me and my wife, and there was a Costco hat that like the employees would have sitting on a shelf that somebody clearly took off, whapping the sweat of their brow as they're as they're driving the forklift. Oh, that Kirkland sweat. And I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna take this hat. And Lindsay wouldn't let me do it.

Eric 37:12

Oh it's one of those things where it's like Lindsay, I mean, like, yes, morally correct. Is it for somebody? Not the man you married. Not me. What happened for for for sickness and health, richer and poorer? What happened?

Matt 37:33

What happened to the to to all that? For as I remember she vowed to let me uh impersonate a Costco employee. It's it's in there. I don't have the exact fine print.

Eric 37:46

I'm going through my my pay my files. My guesstimate is that somewhere brings it back in your vows. He brings it back. Hats were covered. Well done. Um, so I've got that. I've got my favorite hat right now, is probably I have a corduroy hat.

Matt 38:03

A corduroy hat, Eric? You're gonna mention corduroy twice on this episode. Did you wear the corduroy hat with the corduroy pants?

Eric 38:10

Oh, yes, I have. It's a good corduroy jacket. I don't have a corduroy jacket. I want more corduroy. What do you call I have a corduroy shirt? I have I do have a full corduroy fit. That's what I mean. So uh have you got a few more? But not not jacket. I I have a corduroy button-up shirt, I have corduroy pants, and I have a corduroy hat.

Matt 38:31

A corduroy button-up shirt, Eric, just sounds wrong.

Eric 38:34

And I'll tell you why it's long sleeve.

Matt 38:36

It's like it's like no, I'll tell you why it sounds wrong. Why? Because the words corduroy and button evoke the saddest story ever put to pen to paper. Put to pen to paper.

Eric 38:53

What are you what of what do you speak, my child?

Matt 38:55

Are you kidding me, Eric? I'm talking about corduroy. Oh, the bear. Lost a button.

Eric 39:02

He did lose a button.

Matt 39:04

And I've never emotionally recovered from it. Yeah, he found a family at the end. Who gives a shit?

Eric 39:11

Where's the button?

Matt 39:12

He went through a trauma.

Eric 39:14

And that's what the liberal media doesn't want you talking about. I'm planting the seeds. I'm planting the seeds.

Matt 39:20

I told a child that once when I worked at Barnes and Noble, and this is a real thing. Um, so I have my corduroy hat. I told everyone that uh the it was a sad story, and my manager was like, no, it's not. Take the book. And I was like, Yes, yes, it is. And just wait till I tell you about the Lorax. Oh God.

Eric 39:44

Um so I've got my I've got my Costco hat, my corduroy hat, I've got a Magfest hat which rules, but it's not even Magfest official merch. It was merch made by someone who works, volunteers at Magfest, made like internal merch.

Matt 39:57

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's it's like Rob Mack's Rexum hat, which has been made into official merch, but once upon a time during the first season of Welcome to Rexum, it was just a hat he had made for himself that has since become like an iconic thing.

Eric 40:11

Yeah. Oh oh, sorry, one more just for the drip. Gotta let everyone know what I'm packing. I have a bucket hat that is an IKEA bag. You were there when I bought it. We both have that. Yeah, we both have that hat. And that I feel we can just agree that hat can't be on the table.

Matt 40:27

That can be on the table. It's an IKEA bag. It's a an IKEA bag, and therefore the IKEA hat is a tarp.

Eric 40:34

Yes. I can't I've got enough microplastics rattling around in my testicles, according to science. According to science. That's a guesstimate. I can't, I can't afford to to to to pack any more in there. So that's off the table, which brings me to the final hat, which the second I read this question, I knew that this is the hat. Okay. What I have is one of my favorite hats. I wear it camping or really anytime it's cold out. My parents got me a faux fur Davy Crockett raccoon hat. Oh, nice. And that's the hat I'm gonna eat. Because, Matt, let's just there's a couple things we gotta accept. One, no matter what, you're gonna be eating some things what you ought not to have should have eaten. No. You're gonna be eating plastic or or or or fucking or cotton. Or cotton or you're gonna be eating you're gonna be eating.

Matt 41:28

Tonight we eat. Tonight we eat uh inedible things.

Eric 41:32

The raccoon hat is is is fluffy. It's it's it's kind of unpleasant texture, but as far as the hats go, A, I feel like that's most likely the hat I'm gonna be wearing when I say something like, if that's true, I'll eat my hat. Sure. Like that that immediately evokes a sort of old timey hat, which this is. Yeah. Secondly, I think I could eat that hat.

Matt 41:58

I think you could eat. I think I could eat that hat pretty like I could And you know why I think you can eat that hat? Because I had uh a raccoon skin hat, grow a David Crockett hat, yeah, growing up as well. It was really my brother's, he'll be the first to tell you this. Um, and I left it out uh one day, and my dog Rusty ate the tail off of it.

Eric 42:19

Oh no.

Matt 42:20

Oh no, and then it just sort of becomes like uh you're suddenly like a like it's like a Russian hat. Yes, yes. It's like a weird fez all of a sudden.

Eric 42:32

Yes, yes. Um I feel like my method of the. I think you could eat that. I think I could eat that, and I think it's is just as simple as I I I what I do is I Joey chestnut it. I just dunk it in water, get it wet, ball it up down the hatch.

Matt 42:45

Here's what I was thinking, because I also was thinking about what would be easy to eat. And it's not one of my regular hats. Got myself one of them cat in the hat, Dr. Seuss hats.

Eric 42:55

You Seuss in it?

Matt 42:57

I got a Seuss hat. Matt, you're this close to being at a rave. Eric, I'm whimsical as fuck. You are whimsical. So I pull out this hat. It's very thin, it's very soft. Cheaply made. Cheaply made. This is to our advantage. Yes. Here's what we do. What do we do? Tell them, Matt. Soak it in butter. Oh. Wrap it up, roll it around in a bowl full of them breadcrumbs. Matt, are you giving me a preparation? Dunk it in the old deep fryer. And then fucking get the crunch going and eat that shit. Maybe with like a nice little uh like a like a like a nice dipping sausage. Like a remoulade. A remoulade that you just drizzle cross it. Oh yeah.

Eric 43:42

Oh man, you're you're coming out, you're coming out the side the other side clean. You're crawling through two 200 yards of shit and you're coming out clean. It was 500 yards.

Matt 43:52

And then third dweeb. Anyone can tell you that it was 500 yards.

Eric 43:59

Yeah.

Matt 44:00

That's the length of five football fields.

Eric 44:02

It is the length of five football fields.

Matt 44:04

Yeah, yeah. Listen for context. Shawshank redemption. See it today. Now the The Seuss hat redemption. The Seuss the Dr. Seuss redemption. So yeah, you plate that sucker with a with a side of taters, mashed potatoes, I feel like. That's a meal. That's an RFK. Tell you what, that's an RFK Junior approved meal, right there. Also, here's a gift for you. I also liked green eggs and ham myself. My gift to you. Um The green eggs are because they have salmonella. RFK Jr., everyone. And in case you're wondering, yes, I'm allowed to do that. Why? He's killing children. No, yeah, yeah. Everyone mock that man until the end of time. To quote John Mullaney. I wish I can't actually, his special hasn't been taped yet, but he has a joke about that. Oh. About basically being like, I know he's got a disorder. Fuck him.

Eric 45:12

Yeah. Turns out that anyone is capable of being a fucking asshole. Turns out. Turns out. Um my gift to you is, and it goes along these lines. The evidence makes it plain. I did not kill her, Andy Dufrain. Eric what? Because it was like cream eggs and ham, but it was, it was, it was Shaw Shank Redemption. We got we went on on RFK Junior.

Matt 45:36

Oh. Oh. Do you need me to cut the RFK Jr. bits?

Eric 45:40

No, leave it in because I and then they have context for why this bit of mine just fell. It Matt, I swear to God, if I'd been handling it in the kitchen, I'd have been trying to starfish it to the counter.

Matt 45:53

Eric, no, I don't think so. I think it would have dropped and you would have hacky sacked that sucker right into a wall where it exploded.

Eric 46:01

Look, don't let them see you sweat, but you gotta let them see you bleed. I don't I don't think that's the popular expression. Yeah, don't let them see them sweat. Don't let them see you sweat, but you gotta let them see you bleed. You gotta know you're human. Oh, they know I'm human. They're I wanna I want to cultivate a parasocial dynamic with low expectations. Well, I Eric, I think we've accomplished that. Hell yeah. And I think, I think uh your your hat eatery is unparalleled. No, I I I'm very happy with what I've come up with. And I'll eat a raccoon hat. You're just eating your raccoon hat raw, huh? Like well, well, I am what I eat. I'm gonna eat it like a raccoon. Eric, you are not a raccoon. With my creepy little hands just looking super guilty about it the whole time. In no way are you a raccooner. What am I?

Matt 46:56

In that family, at best, you're a possum.

Eric 46:59

At best? Wait, are you saying I'm not good enough to be a raccoon?

Matt 47:05

No, I see you're too or you're too tall and lanky to be a raccoon. Somehow, possum feels better, but still wrong. Like you're still it you it's still not a good fit. You're more like a you're one of those, like I I forget what they're called, but it those Asian bears that are like no no no, they've got like a long snout, like they have a long neck, they're very angular somehow.

Eric 47:31

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt 47:32

The gangle bears. I don't know what they're called. Look it up. Oh, just just Asian black bear, as it turns out. Oh. Just Asian black bear. I don't think I was going to call him that anymore.

Eric 47:42

Here, I'm gonna I'll show you. Yeah, show me a picture. Because there's what I'm imagining, I'm just imagining an anteater on steroid, like like who's been doping. Yeah, you you're not far off. Oh, yeah, that guy. He's a Pokemon too. Or Cena.

Matt 47:56

He's just like really tall, and his head's just sort of there almost by accident.

Eric 48:00

His ears are, he's got Mickey Mouse ears, but it looks like someone in like the character creation just pushed a slider too far and like moved them too far to the side of his head.

Matt 48:09

God bless his heart. If you just looked at the bottom half of him, he looks like a regular bear, and then there's way too much bear before you get to his head.

Eric 48:19

He looks like, you know, when people do that thing where like the line goes down the screen and it's like capturing he did that to himself, and it drags you out.

Matt 48:29

It's the TikTok trend from like four years ago where you get dragged out. That is what he looks like.

Closing Segment: No Context

Eric 48:35

Okay. Sick. That's you. I'm a jellical cat, Matt. Sure.

Matt 48:41

I'm a jellical cat. I I bet you are. Bro, you are grown in the moonlight.

Eric 48:46

Is it time for my game? You are so Bustafer coded, it's unreal. Yes, I am ready. I'm I'm ready for your game. I can't believe you don't think I'm rumtum tugger.

Matt 48:57

You yeah, I'm a curious cat.

Eric 49:03

Fucking Bustafer on the streets, rumtum tugger on the sheets. Hey, and don't you forget it. Don't you forget it. Okay, Matt. So I'm gonna open the email too, just so we're both seeing the same thing. So am I a loud? Are you saying I'm allowed? Not yet. Not yet. I want to preface this with I am your friend. This is coming not from a place of judgment or thinking that you are less than in any way whatsoever. This is an acknowledgement that we are different people. I'm gonna be someone's father with different life experiences. And I just wanna I just wanna kind of highlight, like, man, crazy thing called life. So, Matt, what I have for you today, I am gonna be showing you ten completely out of context screenshots from anime. Okay. And because this is an audio medium, I thought of this, Matt. I want you to describe to the listeners what you are seeing. Okay. And then you are you don't have to tell me what anime it's from. Good. But what I want you to do is based only on the image I have given you, I want you to give me your best guesstimate as to what the anime is about. Okay. All right. So when you are ready, and we just it's just it's a document with with with screenshots all the way down, and I put gaps between them so we could really just kind of savor each one.

Matt 50:42

Yeah, and all these are, of course, on the Instagram if you'd like to see the real screenshots.

Eric 50:47

And and and and Matt, I'm calling this segment kamehame, huh? Okay.

Matt 50:54

All right, I'll zoom in so I only see one.

Eric 50:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Matt, this is gonna be a vibes-based point system. Sure. We're gonna I didn't even think of the scale until now. I'm gonna call it how many na I'm gonna I'm gonna score you on a scale of one of like one to five nani. Okay.

Matt 51:15

Eric's first image is in fact a gif. Yes, and the only gif in this one. And it it is of an angular man with uh what looks to be a cherry that is a cherry on his tongue, which is soaking wet with saliva. And he's just he's just rotating it all around his mouth. He himself has a lot of hair in like gorgeous hair. Yeah, like a very sexy Conan O'Brien kind of look uh coming down in front of him as opposed to a pomp of doe. Yes. Otherwise, he's just a regular anime character exactly like all the other ones.

Eric 51:59

If this helps you at all, um if you were to ever watch the clip from this anime, here's the exact sound you would hear in the original Japanese. Okay, I have And if you looked it up, I you will understand how hard I just nailed that.

Matt 52:20

I I I can see it. Honestly, I can see it on the character's eyes and face. I'm gonna suggest Yeah, what's this anime about? This anime, because he's also wearing a black shirt that has just the ever so thin hint of a white collar underneath. I'm gonna suggest this is about some sort of demon-hunting priest that is seducing a demon into a false sense of security with this very highly sexual cherry Olympics thing he's doing. Okay. Now, Matt. Yeah, well, Eric, what is what is the plan for the listener here, Eric? Are they gonna get to know what this is?

Eric 53:05

Yes. Um, I'm gonna tell them now. Matt, I'm gonna go ahead and give you two out of five nuns. Um, this is from the anime Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. This is the most unhinged game you've come up with. Specifically, this is from the Stardust Crusaders um plot line, where Matt, the reason I give you two stars, um he he is not a priest, he is a he is a schoolboy that is a high schooler. No, it's not. He is in a sense in in stardust. So their goal in Stardust Crusaders is they have these sort of spirits that accompany these these high school boys have spirits that accompany them called stands that allow them to fight, and like they can fight using these sort of spirit ghosts of fighting, and their whole plan is to hunt Dio, who is a thousands of year old vampire. He is a demon, he's one of the top anime villains. So, like they are they are, in a sense, hunting a demon, and this is actually one of the good guys.

Matt 54:10

I I I wasn't all that far off. No, you were you did you did really good. All right, I'm gonna move on to the next one. All right, okay. This this shows what appears to be a Pokemon reading a book. He's got a big X on his hat and antlers. Those are antlers. Those are antlers. Coming out of the hat, but he also has ears, and he's got a book that says great. The the subtitle is great. It's a book about drugs. And the character is saying that. I got that, Eric. I did say subtitles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And uh I I put it together from the context clues of him reading a book that he said it. Or she, I don't know. I can't see this person's genitalia. Who can say? It does honestly look like a Pokemon. Uh that's a yeah. That is also fair. I I'm gonna assume it's not, but it does look like one. So I'm gonna say this is some sort of little animal, some sort of little uh I wanna say Jackalope. Okay.

Eric 55:20

No, yeah, it's a jackalope. Tell me, and you're you're describing what you're describing characters. Tell me what the anime is about.

Matt 55:26

That's I'm getting to it, Eric. Okay, get that. It's it's called J J Jackie's Jungle Jam. Jackie's jungle jam. And tell me what is it's about Jackie, the young Jackalope, who is looking for a pharmaceutical degree to better his life after being raised in in the jungles, in the jungles. And so he's looking to find uh a pharmaceutical degree by way of rap battle to earn money, and that's the jam part, and that's uh j Jimmy's jungle jam, or whatever I said.

Eric 56:06

Okay. Uh so Matt, I'm gonna give you one nonny. Feels harsh. Feels harsh. Well, so he's not pursuing uh uh a pharmaceutical that is his name is Chopper, he's from the anime One Piece. Uh One Piece is about pirates and and like how like one pirate's journey to become like the king of pirates, and Chopper's like one like kind of like the the the Pikachu of the crew, if you will. But uh Chopper is a fully fledged doctor. Oh so he's got he's got his he he knows all his shit about pharmacy, but yet he's excited about it's a book about drugs. Yeah, and this scene, I believe Luffy, that's the main character, got poisoned or something and Chopper was trying to find an antidote. Goes without saying. Goes without saying. All right, I'm gonna move on to three. Oh, and one more fun fact before you move on about One Piece. Um, One Piece recently concluded its first season with 1,145 episodes. Oh. I think they long longest running animated series. I think it's the longest running animated series in all of or like in terms of episode count in in history. Okay. Yes.

Matt 57:22

Here comes number three. There's number three. What are you seeing, Matt? I'm seeing a very pale, almost uh going on green somehow, man. Yeah, who has some like horn that seems to have suddenly grown out of his head that is shaped like a hockey stick, the end of a hockey stick. Yep. He has four fingers and a thumb, but it doesn't look right. Uh like that is a hand, but like the gaps between the fingers are freakish.

Eric 57:55

Yeah.

Matt 57:56

He's sweating and he looks concerned at the horn, so I'm assuming this just sprouted out of his head live. Yes. This is this is about Rocky the Rhino boy. Rocky the Rhino boy. And what is the and what is the anime about? It is about a boy named Rocky who turns into a rhino. It is related to the play Rhinoceros.

Eric 58:24

Yeah.

Matt 58:24

Uh, so um it is it's like palatable for children or I guess adult adults of a certain persuasion. Um so that's who it's marketed for. Uh oh, also this this boy doesn't have a nose. Um, so perhaps it's a young man.

Eric 58:45

He's got two little nose holes down there above his upper lips.

Matt 58:47

Tom Riddle in front of me right now.

Eric 58:49

Okay. Matt, I'm gonna give you one nanny out of five. Now you did you and that is because that was that was let's call uh a baca a bacca, um, as we say in the parlance. It was a pity point because he did just that that did just sprout out of his head for the first time. This is from the anime Fully Cooley, ran six episodes. It is my favorite anime. And now what you're seeing here. Six episodes sounds like it sucks. Is that oh no, it was like a it was like a limited run series. Oh, it's a limited series. Yeah, yeah. Six perfect episodes. Where our our our hero here, our our protagonist, Nauta, he's just been smashed in the head with a guitar by a mysterious alien woman who just came to his town. The alien woman resembles like a just like a normal person, but she hit him in the head with a Rickenbacher bass left-handed. And then what you're seeing here is this growth turns into a robot that crawls out of his forehead, pulls another robot out with him, and they start fighting. And then the kid here and the first robot that comes out of his head become friends and team up and go on adventures.

Matt 1:00:00

I was right there. You were right, you were right there. I was on the cusp. Uh, okay. All right, so we're going on to four. Okay. All right. So what we have here is an old man who is handing a small uh automatic pistol to a crab who has three other of these automatic guns next to him, but it is all lined up to what appears to be a Psyduck uh firing the guns from behind an overturned table. Someone is returning fire because there's bullet holes in them. Yep. And there's all this is happening next to like a ice cream freezer that you'd find at a checkout line. Wow.

Eric 1:00:57

Just what it cannot cannot stress this enough. The the man handing the crab a gun is also just pulling this from a box of more guns.

Matt 1:01:06

More guns and I should have mentioned that this does seem to be an assembly line of old man hands gun to crab who hands gun to Psyduck, who then I guess defends this shop from I'm going to assume deer, because these are aquatic like animals, uh semi-aquatic animals. So this is this is invasion of the deer, but it's probably called something. Oh, I can't even make up a phrase or a word because that's that's just gonna be racist, isn't it? So I can't say anything like that. Um I I can't guess.

Eric 1:01:49

You can't man, we're huge in Japan.

Matt 1:01:51

You cannot alienate that audience. No, I don't I don't want to, I just don't want to be insensitive, but I'm sure it's called something in Japanese and not American, such as Invasion of the Deer. Invasion of the Deer. And what's it about? Eric, it's about the invasion of the deer.

Eric 1:02:05

It's about the invasion of the deer. All right, Matt, unfortunately, I I cannot give you any non-ease out of five on this one. And and to be fair, to your credit, this is this is probably one of the harder ones. This is the only anime on this list that I I have not seen. And this one, and I picked this one purely because I love this screenshot so goddamn much. It is from it. This is a funny screenshot to have pulled. Again, audio medium. It makes me want to watch the anime. The anime is called Sabage Sabage Boo.

Matt 1:02:33

See, if I said that and I was wrong, racist.

Eric 1:02:37

Well, yeah, because you would have making an imperialist racist guess as opposed to my educated guesstimate of how to pronounce this title, because I'm looking at it and I'm reading it. Um, it is a it is a series about an all-female high school and their daily lives in a survival game club. And survival games in Japan just basically means airsoft. So this is about, you know, high schooler girls who compete with each other in super serious airsoft tournaments.

Matt 1:03:11

Again, can't stress enough, not only is there no girls in the screen.

Eric 1:03:14

No girls on screen.

Matt 1:03:15

We've got a there is a crab and an old man, and an old man, and a lot of guns. And a lot of guns. A lot of guns. I'm gonna move on to number five. Okay. Okay. All right. So here we have Paint the picture. A man in a ski mask, a waiter in a ski mask holding uh a bottle of wine as if he's about to pour a sample for the customer. The customer is what appears to be like a lizard man. He's got the head of like a like a gecko or a chameleon or something, or an iguana, perhaps, but he's wearing what looks like a Dr. Doom uh like getup. He's got a knife on his on his he's got a knife sheath on his shoulder. There is a man that seems to be holding his mask, which is like a traditional gas mask, gas mask, but it's being held by a very tall man with filed teeth and like a five o'clock shadow, and that's all I can and he's shirtless, and that's all I can tell you about him because I can't see the rest of his face. He's so tall, he's out of frame. There is notably in the background a Soviet propaganda looking poster of a pie that says pie. Yes. And I feel I've done an excellent job describing.

Eric 1:04:45

You have painted this picture so fucking accurately.

Matt 1:04:49

Again, you can follow along on the Instagram and uh you'll see how right I was. This is about uh Lord Falskin, who is the iguana king of Tokyo. And he is currently with his goons uh being served his pie dinner, which is of course the only thing he can eat, as he rains down his reptilian wrath upon the Japanese people.

Eric 1:05:22

Okay, Matt, I'm gonna give you one nani out of five. I have uh okay reptilian wrath is is good. This is from the anime Dorohe Doro. Um, the character you're describing is not an iguana head, Matt, it's a caiman head. And then the character's name is in fact Caiman. Um he had his head, just his head, transformed into a lizard head by a a sorcerer who came from another dimension because he lives in like this sort of post apocalyptic dimension called the whole, because all the sorcerers come from their dimension to experiment on the people who live there with magic and then. Just dip out. So this dude got turned into a lizard head. He can't remember who he is or anything about his past. He just knows he has a lizard head and they got transformed that way by a sorcerer. So he's out on a he's out killing every sorcerer he meets, trying to find the one that uh that got him. Also, his favorite food to note canonically is uh shumai little dumplings.

Matt 1:06:21

He does appear to be sweating. Yeah. That's problematic if he's a reptile. He can't do that.

Eric 1:06:28

So you you were you you had no problem with the sorcerers from another dimension turning people into lizard heads, but that lizard sweating in this world with magic.

Matt 1:06:36

He won't be able to do it. Okay, fair, fair, fair. All right, let's move on. This is the Christ. This is next one. This next one. There is a man jumping, attacking another man.

Eric 1:06:53

You just described 99% of anime.

Matt 1:06:56

I did. They are, but they are fight one of the they're both bloody. They've both taken some hits. The guy jumping seems to have three different chainsaw blades on either arm, and one coming out of his head, and he's fighting somebody who's who's all teeth. His face is just a smile of teeth, teeth. He just veneers, uh, and a long shin. He almost looks like a plague doctor. He seems to have some sort of spear through his head at the moment, and he's holding a giant machete that seems to have no handle. And this, and they're in some sort of some sort of cloud-based arena that takes place out of time and space. And I'm gonna suggest that this is from the classic anime Lawnmower Ledger, and it is about two accountants, good and evil, fighting to the death as as they always are. Neither one of them ever dies. Uh, they just take more and more hits as they influence the public, and that is my estimate.

Eric 1:08:09

All right, Matt, one one nani out of five. Okay. This is a battle of good versus evil. Um, the name of the anime, I shit you not, is Chainsaw Man. All right. Makes sense. And our boy there is currently possessed by a demon.

Matt 1:08:26

I feel like if I didn't try to make some sort of humorous saying, I could have just said chainsaw man and I would have gotten points.

Eric 1:08:34

I I I honestly was like, of all of them, this is the one where he's most likely to guess the actual name of the anime. Uh yeah, he basically has like a little he fused with his little chainsaw companion, and now he has chainsaw demon powers that he summons to fight other demons. So he's a demon, but he's fighting for he's a good one fighting other other demonic abominations.

Matt 1:08:58

He also appears to have his pants tucked into his shoes. Hey man, it's a style in J-Pan. Moving on now. Okay. Uh it's a giant man who has his muscular uh physique, but no skin. No skin. No skin. And he's being attacked by by what I assume is a regular-sized man or a very small man jumping out of like a helicopter, it looks like, or some sort of fly. It's probably a gunship, it's some sort of floating spaceship. And he is launching himself with two weapons of some kind at the temple of this giant creature. Yeah. And this is Sam and the skin giant. Okay. Well, why would it be the skin giant? There's no skin. Sam and the skin giant. Yep. You honestly, following anime logic, you're dead on. Sam and the skin giant. And it's about a man who, through some sort of scientific miscalculation, has removed his skin. He started as a scientist, but he has become a giant, giant kaiju who's now wreaking havoc. This man's gonna jump. He's gonna throw these two spear things into the temple. He's gonna kill the giant, but he himself will fall to his death.

Eric 1:10:18

Matt.

Matt 1:10:18

And it uh and that's my guess.

Eric 1:10:21

Four out of five nannies. Hold the phone. Hold the fucking phone. Matt, we are looking at an anime called Attack on Titan. Oh, I've heard of Attack on Titan. Yeah. Attack on Titan is is about it's a giant, so it's about a giant walled city. The wall is insane. Think like the wall from Game of Thrones, but going around a city the size of like New York. Got it. And uh the reason this city has these insane walls is because outside of the walls are these gigantic monstrosities that you later find out are made through science, um, gone wrong. Oh uh these giants who are trying to, who are just basically like giant primal cannibals who like want to eat people. And this guy is part of the team. Uh, I think they're called rangers in the show, that fight the Titans and try to kill them. And like they're they're little knives, they're like they try to kill them by like their specific parts that you gotta cut in order to pretty good. You did really good.

Matt 1:11:26

You you did so good. Authentically didn't know anything about attack on Titans. Uh oh I've heard the name. So this one is featuring a man who looks like Johnny Depp. He is he is uh he has an apron on of what appears to be a shih tzu, but it it it says Shibainu on it. He's holding a shopping cart. Shiba inu. Oh, it's a shiba inu. I got you, dog. Thanks. I got you, dog. What is one? It looks like one word. I don't think uh I I thought it was two words. Shiba inu. I have no idea. All right. Well, it says Shiba Inu. He is looking at heads of lettuce, and there's a man on the other side of the market who doesn't look like he works at the market. He's got band-aids on his face. So he's recently been a fight, and behind him is a massage parlor. Yeah. I'm gonna suggest that the name of this endeavor, the name of this this thing is called, let's see, Let Us Dance. Let us dance. And it is about Kai, who is our name, who is our main guy here in the Shiba Inu uh uh apron. Okay. Not sure why he's wearing that when he is in fact a I want to say slayer of dreams. He he attacks nightmares somehow. He This is the most anime shit. Let him cook. Let him cook. He goes within he goes within one's consciousness to seek out the the the I guess trauma that exists within one's REM cycles. And that's what he does. But right now he's just picking out lunch.

Eric 1:13:20

Okay. Matt, I'm gonna give you three nonnies out of five. I'm getting better at anime. You're getting better at anime, and one of those. So I baseline your score is too, but I gave you a bonus just because I loved where your brain went. And that was everything you were describing is 100% anime shit. I may have described an anime just. You probably described a dozen anime. There's so many of them. I'm a dream hunter, I'm turned on by. So this anime, Matt, it's one of my favorites. Uh, it's on Netflix. If you ever want to watch it, the episodes are five minutes long. It's called uh Way of the House Husband. And this it's truly a hilarious, and I think it's so good. I think um Matt Mercer does the the the the American, like the English voice actor for this. I think, but it's about a former Yakuza boss who just one day like one of the deadliest fucking most dangerous gangsters in all of Japan. And then one day he he he meets a girl and decides to retire and just be a house husband. And it's it's this old school Yakuza gangster just doing super domestic shit like a Yakuza gangster, and it's hilarious. The guy you see back there is one of his old friends. They he was just in a fight, he got hit by the man holding the lettuce. Um, and uh yeah, that it's great, cannot recommend it enough. Everyone should watch it. It's funny as shit.

Matt 1:14:55

All right, we're gonna move on to nine. Yep. Nine features a half-skinned man and a half-skinned.

Eric 1:15:04

A lot of themes we see recurring here in anime.

Matt 1:15:06

Yeah, half-only muscle man. There is a person wearing a hoodie that somehow has a bow tie on it, a person with their suit jacket, they look like kids, that are just pulled up over their heads, and then in classic fashion, glasses that are either completely fogged up or you never see this character's eyeballs just because of glasses. And they're standing in front of some sort of like boarded up fence. This is called Unzipped, and it is about a man who was cursed with a zipper that comes down his his tor his whole body there, and someone has just ripped off half of his skin cloak, and everyone is in shock because the other person has put on that skin cloak. I'm also noticing that somehow his ear on his muscle only side was exempt from the zipper.

Eric 1:16:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matt 1:16:05

That's my guess.

Eric 1:16:06

Okay. I'm gonna give you one nani. Sure. Uh, that is that man, the the thing you're looking at is cursed. That is an anatomy model from a classroom that has come to life. Um, this anime is called Dan Dan Dan, and it is about high school kids researching and fighting paranormal things like ghosts, aliens, demons, etc. So, in this scene, that's an anatomy model that was like kind of possessed and is in love with another anatomy model of a woman at another at like who like she was been thrown in the dump or something, and he's trying to reunite with her and these three kids who all have various paranormal powers. Um, so they're trying to help him out there. I was again right shit insane anime, but I repeat myself. Right there on the room. You're right there. And that brings us to number 10.

Matt 1:17:01

Okay, number number 10. It says the subtitle is Attention. Somebody is saying attention. It appears to be a classroom. Everybody's holding guns, they're all pointing it one way. Uh, so they're all pointing it at somebody. I'm just gonna come right out and suggest that this is an anime version of Battle Royale. And uh, I'm going for an actual guess here. Okay. And they somebody from another faction, another alliance or whatever just walked in, uh, said attention, everybody turned their guns. That's the scene we saw. That's my final answer, Reaches.

Eric 1:17:37

Matt, I'm gonna give you two out of five Nani. Okay. This is from another one of my favorites, um, called Assassination Classroom. The the basic premise of this of this anime is that these kids are all from other schools. They're like troubled youths who couldn't like cut it in in normal schools, so they're all sent to this one. Uh, and they're given explicit instructions by the government that they are to learn how to assassinate this alien creature who cannot be killed and who is threatening to destroy the earth. But here's the twist, Matt. Are you ready for it? Their teacher is the alien. Yeah, it's like class welcome. I'm gonna teach you how to kill me. And he's like, and I'm not gonna let you. I'm gonna make this so hard. Uh, Matt. I'm punching it into I I I imported this grading calculator from Japan. Okay, Matt, out of 50 possible nannies, you got let me just confirm 16. 16 nanis out of 50. Oh, wait, oh, it looks like the computer wants to say something to you, okay? Uh, which, according to my translation guide here, means you bring moderate shame to your family. A winner is you. I accept. Okay.

Matt 1:19:03

I accept. I agree. And Eric, I want to say, I think the no context game, I don't think you called it that.

Eric 1:19:11

No. I called it kamehame.

Matt 1:19:13

Huh? You did call it that. I think that's the addition of a game that we could do called no context.

Eric 1:19:20

Yes, 100%. I think it's good.

Matt 1:19:23

I think perhaps audio clips, perhaps, for the audio medium might work better. Could.

Eric 1:19:29

Could I also love listening to you describing insane things that your brain cannot comprehend.

Matt 1:19:35

And we will find out what the audience thinks at a later date.

Eric 1:19:39

Woo!

Matt 1:19:40

But that'll about do it, I think, for this episode of You Didn't Ask For This. Don't you think, Eric? Oh, yeah, I think we done did it. I think we dundid it once or twice over. Folks, we do need some questions, as I think this evidence was very evident in this episode today. Send them to us at you didn't ask for this at gmail.com. Seek us out on the social medias at you didn't ask pod. That's the letter you didn't ask pod. Instagram, Facebook kind of, YouTube kind of, mainly Instagram, if we're being honest. We dabble. New website coming soon. Maybe it's even coming out before this episode. I don't know. My life is chaos right now. Who can say?

Eric 1:20:16

Eric, shouldn't they join the Patreon? You should join the Patreon by going to patreon.com/slash you didn't ask for this.

Matt 1:20:24

That's absolutely correct. Discounts and bonus episodes await, especially this month of March 2026's oat.

Eric 1:20:34

I gang, if there was a time to get a Patreon and no like no bullshit off the table, even if you even if you subscribe just for this month.

Matt 1:20:44

It came out last Friday. I tell a tale that you simply have to hear to believe. It's one of the I don't want to overhype it, but it was truly an adventure. Go listen.

Eric 1:20:57

It was a truly, you know who had a truly bizarre adventure? Matthew Shea.

Matt 1:21:03

And and of course, my lovely wife, Lindsay Barr. And that'll about do it for this episode of You Didn't Ask for This. Um for all of us here. My name is Matthew Shea.

Eric 1:21:12

My name's Eric Poach. And listen, you didn't ask.

Matt 1:21:14

I think I could get you into anime. Don't try.

Eric 1:21:18

I think I could.

Matt 1:21:19

Don't put it on next year's bingo card, Eric.

Eric 1:21:21

I think I could.

Matt 1:21:21

You're gonna lose a square. I think I could. You're gonna lose a square, Eric. I don't care for it. Omewa mo Shinderu, Matthew. Yeah, right back at you, huh? Right back at and your mother.