137 | A NIMBY in the Cat Revolution

On this episode, we answer:

• What would happen if humans had a “low battery” warning — what would it look or sound like?
• Can beggers ever be choosers?

Then we return to the dark and mysterious halls governed by The Council of Matts in a special Circleback/Follow-up.

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Transcript

Cold Open

Matt 0:00

I think, Eric, that our generation is the first that has faced this problem. Uh and and the generations before us, it was sort of, you know, unofficial. There wasn't documentation of it necessarily. What problem? Not a problem, just a just a situation. And that situation is discovering someone has unfriended you.

Intro

What would happen if humans had a “low battery” warning — what would it look or sound like?

Can Beggars ever be Choosers?

Circleback/Follow-up: The Council of Matts

Eric 0:24

Oh. Yeah, and we, I mean, we went if you think about it, we really went hard in the paint with this from day one with MySpace in the top six. Top eight? Top yeah, yeah. We we because like uh you know, un no longer being someone's friend used to be a pretty simple affair. You just ignored them. Yeah, yeah, a hundred percent. But no, we did you have a MySpace in a top eight? Oh yeah, baby. Yeah, and you I imagine, like me, took those those eight slots pretty damn seriously. They were sacred. And when you re-ranked them, it meant something. Yes, something changed when you dropped off the top eight. Yeah, or when I'd seen that, yeah, when I when someone dropped off my top, or when I saw that I dropped off someone's top. Usually after a breakup. And well, that's just plummeted. Plummet your stock has plummeted, sir. The but on Facebook, what I find is every now and then I'll go to be like, oh, what is so-and-so up to? And I go to their page and I see ad friend. And it's like, oh really? Oh really? Or have you ever gotten this one where you're scrolling through and then you get to that little bar about halfway down your feed that's like people you might know? And you see someone that you were definitely Facebook friends with. And I had a I yes, and so I've had a unique experience recently in that it was it was somebody from high school that I actually back in the day interacted with quite a bit. And when this person friended me, and through being like, Oh, you so that's how I was like, Oh, you unfriended me at some point. Oh, and then I looked at our message history and like we talked about some like serious shit, breakup shit, and all kinds of stuff in there. And I was I was surprised, and I'm left going, what was it? What was it that I posted that made you unfriend me? And I mean this very sincerely. I really don't care that much when people unfriend me because I assume it is for either something I've said politically or you know, some other type thing in that realm, in which case, good. See yourself the fuck out. But I kind of want closure. An exit survey. An exit survey. I kind of want to know. I I want a little bit of data on the people who have felt I've wronged them or um have otherwise turned from their good graces, from their light, into the dark sin of progressivism. Yeah, because there's a million reasons, and like and like truly, no one ever has to justify anything, but we'd like to know. I just wanna know. We just wanna know. I just want to know from my records what the fuck your problem is. Yeah, I just want to know what it was that I said that pushed you over the edge. I I have it's the same question I have for Jair from the Neatcast, who refuses to interact with me for some reason. Yeah, I'm back on it, Jair. I'm not even on your fucking podcast, and I'm still on your ass. Anyway, Zach will make sure this message gets to. That's his old man talking, Jair. Just he's gonna be a father. Got it. Grace. You can't use that with Jarry. He's already a father. Then he should know. Yeah, he should. Anyway, stop making this about Jair. Sorry. Love you, Jared. Love you, dog. No, don't love him. He's betrayed us, Eric. Yes, he's at least betrayed me. And he and so he has betrayed us both, my lord. Very good. Very good. You may continue. No, I love, I love the concept of an exit survey. Do you get now? Let me hit you with this. Okay. Do you get a rebuttal? Ooh, you know, I do not not like like the unfriend still goes through. You get the area, but do you get the option of like, here's what they said? Would you like to add anything? I think in fairness to the to the unfriending, I don't think you can. Because then it becomes a dialogue. Yeah, especially if you're like trying. And also the the the the exit survey shouldn't be mandatory, but it should be easy and accessible. Yeah. So that people want to use it, or if they, you know, want to Would you care to let Matt know? Why? Would you care to take a moment to kicking him out of your life? I again it pops up a little picture of you just looking at him like, hey man, hey. What's going on? Hey, what's up? You can talk to me. Uh because again, if you know that I'm not going to respond, at least in this forum, you know, then because uh for a little while longer, it's still free country, so I can just seek you out and talk to you. I can find you. But really, all I need to know is what needs to go into my ledger of perceived slice. Yes. What what are we writing down in the ledger? So just so I know. And also, if you are, say, of the fascist persuasion and I said something that made you leave my life, I'd like to know what that was so I can say it again. I want to keep I want to match, I want to push that pedal to the fucking floor. Just need to make sure that that uh slider is all the way up in the character creation. Yep. What would be on your exit survey? I get it. Oh, so no question. No, just like just it would just be like a uh Well, because dude, like I, you know, I never fucking I don't exist on fucking I I have a profile, I don't post, I like things, I love things, I occasionally comment, but I don't really contribute to the feed. So like if someone's just cleaning up their I guess they're like number of friends too big. Like, I get it, dog. I would approach it like a parent trying trying to talk to the kid when we're getting divorced. When parents are getting divorced, like, hey champ, that that it'd start it'd start with that. Hey champ. Hey champ. Whole lot of change is happening. Crazy world. Whole whole lot of friends. Whole lot of friends. Some not a lot of time. More than others. Who can say? Who can say? Uh, but if you had any feedback for me, you know, to move forward on my journey. Oh, so you want to take the approach of like I want to better myself. I want to better myself. I wanna I want to know I I I want to make two things clear. One, that other people's opinion of me is none of my business. Two, but if there's a way I can be better, can't be best, but can always be better. I want to know. I want to leave that door open. And that and that's like the vibe I want to give. So that way I have both the vibe and moral high ground in this in this. Oh, I was just about to say you gave away the high ground. No, you are admitting that you were the problem. No, no, no, no. I'm just like, hey man, we're all on a journey. You know, you do you gotta do you. I don't tend to think about these things. I'm not really out here. I'm I'm in the moment. But look, you're here. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this right now. Yeah. If I see that survey, I'd be like, and that's why I'm fucking unfriending this guy. That's my other thing. Like, look, if you're gonna unfriend me, I'm at least gonna make it worth it. Gee. I've done that every I my my my I don't know if this is a toxic trait, but anytime someone has threatened to block me over something, like in terms of I'm I'm disagreeing with someone, something over them, or like, or like I I post something, they're like, they're like, hey, you know, I really need you to not do that, or I'm gonna block you. I I just block them. Yeah, just beat them to the punch. Yeah, just beat them to the punch. Don't threaten me with a good time. Oh, yeah. I've also had people there were there were exes I had who would they did a thing where like I broke up with them, they blocked me, and then proceeded to do that thing over the course of months where they would just occasionally unblock me, learn everything about my life, and then block me again. And I would know because I'd be scrolling on Facebook and all of a sudden like, hey, there's that person who blocked me. Yeah, and you're gonna get in there when they're that's what I do. As soon as as soon as I see it, I was like, oh, I was like, well, let me let here's and and oh, they would also it would also be that thing where like block me, unblock me, attempt to get back together. I politely refuse, blocks me again. So what I do now is if they do that, as soon as I see it's there, I'm like, and blocked. Yeah, you can't do it. I only push the button once. I only push the button once. I only push buttons once. Yeah, no, no, no, no. You blocked me. Black baby. Put that on your your Tinder profile. I was thinking I honest to God, now I'm thinking I don't recall the last time I actually unfriended somebody. Do it right now. I've blocked, I've blocked a bunch of people because they've expressed some truly heinous shit vis-a-vis the personhood of other human beings. Yeah, see, that's an unfriend, I think. Yeah, but I don't unfriend, I just blocked their ass. I'm like, yeah, bye. I'm like, goodbye. I'm like, I don't even want to, I don't even want to see your shit in my algorithm anymore. Oh, I see. I see. Um, so that's what I mean. I was like, I haven't actually gone in like unfriend. All right, so let me go into your friends. Let's find someone for you to dump. All right. Pick one. See, let's see, let's see. I just assumed we weren't really gonna do that part. Oh, okay, good. Well, hello everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This. It's the podcast that answers life's least pressing questions, and my name is Matthew Shea. My name is Eric Poach. Eric Poach, how are you doing? This fine, fine insert time of listen here. Oh, Saints preserve me, Matthew. I'm doing wonderfully this day. This day, yes. On the St. Patrick's Day, is what he's referring to. We're recording this on. This is not a St. Patrick's Day episode. No, no, can't be. Can't be. Missed it. Two there's a we could get away with a Christmas episode a week or so after the fact. Yeah. St. Paddy's ain't got that kind of sway. That is a day of situation. Yeah, it's for for sure. Yeah, but you know, quick shout-out, Saint Paddy's Day, drink Guinness, watch Boondock Saints. Fuck snakes. Fuck snakes, eat cabbage. Yeah, baby. Top of the podcast to you, Matt. Go get a shamrock shake from McDonald's. Again, you can't do any of this, listener. No, it's done for you. I mean, you can, and not the shamrock shake. That's done. No, that's that is forever lost to you now. No, you but you still you can go out and you can have a potato any day of the week. Anytime you want. Anytime you want. You take that to the bank. You can take that right to the bank. Eric, should we answer some questions? Let me answer some questions. Our first question today, Matthew. Oh, Eric, you're getting after it here today. I got to. What would happen if humans had a low battery warning? What would it look or sound like? Now, I would say this is accepting what I believe is our natural low battery warning. The yawn. The yawn is a big yawn is nature's way of saying, ooh, plug me in. Yeah, it's like a natural flag. Also, this question does come from Derry King 11 on the Discord. I'll hail. All hail to the king. Sorry, I was so distracted by how good this question is. It's okay, Eric. You again, you do seem to have a fire underneath you today. So let's so we're taking yawns out of the equation. Because you can also yawn from exhaustion, of course. That doesn't mean boredom, that doesn't necessarily mean like your battery quote unquote is low. Because in this circumstance, in this metaphor, when the battery hits zero, what happens? Are we saying death? Are we saying you completely pass out from exhaustion? I think Sims Sims logic here. Once it hits certain point, you just kind of you just kind of fall unconscious in a puddle of your own piss. Yeah. Or is it social battery? So I think that I want to explore that. I think, yeah, I think it's worth I think it's a it's obviously a separate world. Yes, yes. So accepting that, and people also can yawn because maybe you just aren't breathing enough, you fucking idiot. And your body is like, get more air in there. What are you doing? Stop it. Stop it. Or rather, start it. Start breathing now. Good. Or I'll kill you. Again, you seem to have some sort of antagonistic relationship with your body. It knows what it did to me and my joints. Um, but a low so let's talk, let's talk these two. The physical low battery and the social low battery. Yes. The physical low battery, and and here's the thing the physical low battery in in both of these cases, it has to be something. I'm thinking most devices that have a low battery warning, it is an external warning that you can see or hear. Fire alarms running low on batteries, it starts doing a dip, a little chirp. Just a little, little that annoying at that annoying like frequency where it's like you you don't know if you're having a stroke or not, but every now and you're yeah, though, and it's very good at its job because it does sort of cut through the brain that yes, just slices through everything else and makes me go, what the fuck is happening? I need to do that. Where is it potentially? Yeah, after which one is it? After I've picked myself off of the floor in the fetal position, I'm like, okay, it's a fire, it's one of the smoke detectors. Uh so it I think it needs to be something that is apparent to anyone in a room with you that your battery is low. Physically. The physical battery. The physical, the for your for your for your for your I am about to like a sim, collapse in place in a puddle of my own piss and vomit, and I will be catatonic unless you retrieve an ambulance. Now, do you think it is something like a yawn, like a existing physical thing, or do you like turn blue? You know, is there some sort of do we introduce a little bit of fantasy? I think it could be a combination. I think you I think I think here here's what it looks like. It it's it's the visual is you start slowly turning blue, but the start of that is you just involuntarily go, uh oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh shit. Uh-oh. How much time? What do you think this is? 14%? You know. Uh-oh. As you get closer to the low battery, it just increases. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh no. That when it goes from uh-oh to oh no, you're and you're turning, you're like, you're like the the little kid from Willy Wonka blue. We gotta get we gotta get this man to a duvet. Uh-oh. Oh no. Yeah. The and you start like grabbing the nearest piece of furniture and like lowering yourself down in a few. That is exactly Matt. When I the one time I had to go to a hospital because I thought I was dying. I thought I was having like a heart attack or something. My legit response when it started happening was I started slowly lowering myself to the floor, going, uh oh. Uh-oh, nope. This something's wrong. Oh dear. Uh-oh, and oh no, are pretty universally understood. I think that crosses a lot most language barriers, too. I think you're right. I do think you're unless you're French. Zoute l'eau. Uh-huh. Soc le bleu. That's everyone in yells. Yeah. So I love that. French. I love that. I do think that's that's that's good that you're like immediately sit like there is a visual component, but you're also in I like the involuntary part. I think you're onto something with that. The uh-oh is interesting, but what if there's an just a noise similar to the chirp that you're mentioning? And maybe it's not a sound we currently can make. Oh, if like if I'm making that noise with my body, is it a vocalization or is it just like a sound that starts emanating from my from my like my meat? Oh, like it like I'm a stomach growling, but it's it's something more sinister. Like at a free Oh, it yes, your body just starts emitting the sound of a of an empty wasteland. Uh I hear the distinct noise of an empty wasteland. Eric needs me. Would it be unique to each person? Like when you meet someone like hi, my name's Eric, pronouns he, him. My alarm sound is me going, uh-oh, oh no. Ooh, that's interesting. If everyone had a unique uh like like signatures, your pronouns and your warning signs. Yes. What would yours be? Ah, my well, uh what I was just gonna propose, maybe maybe this is it, is we just take what's already there and we just amplify it a little bit. So we take the yawn, but suddenly, oh I've just feel that and when you yawn, like steam comes out or something. Like something emanates and you see it and you're like, oh shit, was that? Was that a steamy yawn? Oh good. Oh no, and you do it again, and then like like now we're going from steam to smoke, and that's when you're like, oh no, I'm running on fuel. If it starts coming out of your ears, you're I'm running on fuel. And that's where it starts. Like you just start like, and it's not like a cartoon, like it's not that like like bursting out. You saw a hot girl and suddenly your steam whistle. Oh god, oh yeah, it's not that. It's like I'm imagining it's just slowly like tumbling out of the orifices. Oh, it's like it's like uh it's like um dry ice fog. Like dry ice fog. That's oh, that's upsetting. And as it gets as it gets more dense, uh as the as its volume goes up, yeah, and its color starts darkening, that's when you're like, I gotta go. So it comes out with like a yawn, is the first time it happens. It's like, ooh, steamy, I better, I better do something. Danny fucking phantom. And then at but by the time, let's say you for some reason we're in the middle of a marathon and this is hitting you, and now you're trying to race for a chair. It now you look like a car breaking down. Like it's like just seeping out of the room. Those things the priest swings around. You're just billowing smoke in a trail. Yes, that's you. As you're like, please, please, a lazy boy. I need it. I I also my biggest question is like, in that moment, what is your body telling you you need because like low batteries, like, I need electricity, I need charge, I need but what is that? It's like, give me a granola bar. Yeah, I think it must be something like you've burned the natural energy, both of fuel and like what you've got, and you're a combination of you were dehydrated, you are underfed, you have not had enough sleep. You are truly running on fumes, and that is what we're seeing. We are seeing the fumes come out like you're not on fire or anything. No, I don't hurt. Don't ask me where the smoke comes from. Don't get it comes out of your bone marrow, okay? You make sense out of it. This is why colleges are indoctrinating our children. Don't say that into a microphone. Okay, they want us to answer stuff like, why are you turning blue? Where's the smoke coming from? Let me just put it this way: you don't want the smoke. You don't want the smoke. No, you don't want the smoke. Give this man a granola bar, a water, and a nap. Now. So say as I'm holding you, I'm like, fetch me 20 CC's of chewy bar. Yeah, yeah. I'm shaking you as I say it. For me, I like that. I I like that I'm making it everyone's problem. Got to. Got to. Got to. I mean, when my battery's dying, I make it everyone's problem. Oh, anyone who has a char I no USB C, USB C USB C, please. I've got a butt. I've got a butt. I mean, it's the natural port, I guess. But we always we in our house we call the little chargy blocks that they plug into the butt. Who's got a butt? Now, does that also apply? I don't think that applies to the social matter. No, the social is entirely different. Social, I think, is more like a bird of paradise kind of situation. Where it's like an instinctual, your body creates a a an unmistakable display of I'm done now. Oh, that's good. Okay. Go further with it. Give me an example. Like display from it. Show me your plumage. It's almost like it, it's in a it's in a vein. It could be there's one or two ways. Either A, I gain new things, like I just gained the the frills of the one dinosaur from Jurassic Park. I'm like, oh no, tell me about the thing. The one who killed human, I assume is what you mean. Or it could be like a Pinocchio scenario where my nose is getting like where everyone's just. I I think now, now here's the thing. I think it should be whereas with the other one, we're making an everyone's problem, and it's like it's immediately apparent to myself and everyone around me. I think with ours, it should almost be like someone has to point it out to you. Like, like they're like, hey, uh, how you feeling? You wanna you wanna go home? Why? Well, you're turning gray. Uh yeah. You your eyes are your pupils are taking up most of your eyeballs right now. I I oddly do think it's something with the eyes. Like maybe it is like a reverse dune where the whites of your eyes are going like gray, are going like the light is leaving you. Matt, I I think I I I think it's mine, mine might be a little more subtle, but it's like unmistakable. You know that look that a dog or a cat or an animal can give you when they're giving you like the lamps, like where you can see where they're giving you like hunter eyes and you can see the reflections in their pupils. Yes, I think that would be mine. Like someone's like, Hey Eric, you wanna come talk about? I was like, What? And everyone just gets super disconcerted by my fucking creepy hunter eyes. They're like, Whoa, buddy, do you need to go home? Well, do you I think you're just describing crazy eyes a little bit in humans, yeah. No, but like the the shiny eyes, like when you fly when you shine a light into the forest and you see two eyes reflected back at you in the darkness, just that happening, but in the middle of a room, and no light being seen. And no, yeah, there's like no light. I've just suddenly got fucking Yeah, your eyes go holographic. Yeah, my eyes go high viz. Yeah, but high viz eyes, baby. And then and then that's when like I take a selfie with someone and I look at the phone and I'm like and your high viz eyes. Oh, that was Matthew. Thank you. Smooth. That's Eagles, by the way. And that's that's when I like aware, which I assume you are. I was not lion eyes is the song. Yeah. As you were. Damn your lion eyes. Uh yeah, but but that way too, either someone has to look at me, they go, Well, uh, you start getting social cues that you might be done when you like every time you turn toward people, they just kind of go, whoa. Or you go to take a selfie with someone and then you go to look at it, you're like, Yeah, I should probably go to bed. Oh yeah, you see it. There I am like a fucking, like a fucking demon. It's like a vampire, like taking a picture of a vampire and they're not there. That's like, oh my look at my eyes. It is time for me to go. Sun's getting real low, big guy. Yeah, I like, I, I like, I like, I like that. I also just like a sudden sprouting of plumage, just going like up my head like a cockatoo. Like my hair just starts cockatooing. I if if we're adding the physical characteristics, I do like the flu the plumage a lot. Yeah, we love plumage. We love plumage. No doubt. Show us your plumage. Show us your plumage. Talk to if you have plumage, talk to us about it. If you are a bird, let us see that plume. If you were a bird with plumage, you may be entitled to compensation. And what's the compensation? Yo, dog, I see you. You look infertile as fuck. It's usually what it's for. That's no compensation. Dog, you look gravid. You want you want compensation. If you're gonna invoke this the this vibe of you may be entitled to, I tell you what, there's one person you need to talk to, and that's JG Toesworth. 877 Toesworth now. If there's listen, if there's one person will cut you a deal. I'll cut more than that. Yeah, it's JG Toesworth. He's getting his. He's getting his. It's been a minute since we've called upon. Invoked that name. But he's he's folks. I just want to make sure you know he is out there. He is real, he is real, and he can hurt you. He can and will hurt you, but you will consent. You will be compensated. He always closes a deal, he but he gets those toes. Eric, our second question today. Yeah. Can beggars ever be choosers? And that comes from former guest of the show, Michael Parig Jr. on Instagram. Technically, beggars choose all the time. Yeah. I've se plenty of entitled assholes begging for begging for shit. And real, real choosy about it. And to be clear, I'm not talking about displaced peoples or people who who are like who don't have homes or who like need to do that to actually continue living. No, I'm talking about people who like, yeah, you know, I just need a game console. I need I need I need something to do. I'm bored out of my mind. Like, if anyone can help me, I was like, hey man, I've got like, yeah, I've got my old PS3 and a bunch of games. Ooh, I'm really looking for like a PS4. Well, I mean, it in 2026, what good is a PS3 to sure, but if I'm giving you a free fucking console. Sure, Eric. Don't get so defensive. That kind of shit. Yeah, yeah. Um, people do that shit all the time. So beggars technically beggars can be choosed, but vibe-wise, this is the interesting. Can someone be a choosing beggar without compromising the vibe? I'm not sure they can. If uh I'm scratching the noodle. Because ex As well you should. That cause that sucker is Al Dente. The unless you're begging, unless you were begging for a choice. Oh. Fighting for your rights. To party. Or other things. Or other things. Yeah, if I'm begging for a choice, but what choice could you beg for? Give me a stable voting system. I was gonna say there's there's one that sure looms large. Yeah. I can't believe you're glossing over it. Uh sorry, you just entered the the the dissociation zone. Oh, I'm sorry. I sorry, I I left the bit zone. Let me let me back it on up. Get back in here. Sorry. You dance and smile and laugh, Pegliacci. I just looked out the window for a second at our crumbling democracy. Let me just close those shutters. Welcome back, folks, to the comedy show. Eric, give us a joke. There is no war in Bossing, Iran. Stop it, Eric. I'm sorry. Stop it. Don't let the darkness in. I'm sorry. Now you have to tell us a joke. Got you. Did you hear someone's been ejaculating on time pieces? Not on my watch. You loved that shit. Well, Amelia did. Amelia loved that shit. That was objectively hilarious. No, Eric, this, and I say this in all in all sincerity. Yeah. What is the punchline there? Like Matt, I get it, not on my watch, but you're talking about the the setup is about the ejaculating. Yeah. And all you care about is just not on your watch. No, Matt. No, you not on my watch. Again, I do get it. It just seems like it could be used some cooking. Put it back in the oven. We'll revisit it later on. I need you to call in and really back me up on this one. I everyone who listened to this and knows how objectively hilarious that joke was. Please let us know your thoughts. Call the thought line. Matt, what's the thought line? 410.5329. God damn right it is. Yeah. Don't act like you're making me do it for any other reason than you don't know. Choosing beggars. Choosing beggars. Choosing beggars. I think it's fine. You think it's fine? I think it's fine. I think this is so this is honestly and refreshingly surprising coming from you. I think a beggar can be a chooser because I feel like I've been a choosy beggar. About what? I don't know, but I can see myself. I can see myself doing the like, oh my god, please. Like, I'm just I'm so thirsty, please. Anything just oh please. They're like, I have tab, a yellow Gatorade. Actually, I will pass on that. Okay, because like, look, if I'm dr if if I'm like, oh my god, I need something to drink, please. I'm I'm so hoarse, and somebody hands me kombucha, I am gonna be like, no, but like a real beverage, and like anything natural. Yeah. Yeah. But that I would say falls on the beggar to be specific. Like, like, like, because if you come to me like, beverage, I'm I'm gonna be reaching probably for something unlike, you know, the cranberry seltzers in my fridge. Those are the chaff. But if you come to me and you're like, kombucha, I'm like, okay, okay, now now I can be like, I have no kombucha to lend. I have no booch to hooch to you, my man. Yeah, so but I can find some that that that I can work with. So you you're saying that uh the the fault, dear Brutus, is not within the beg, but within the criteria. Yes. I see. Yes, thank you. Yes, as as Peter Ray always told us. Specificity. Specificity. Peter Ray being an acting teacher for the audience. Shout out to Peter Ray. Sometimes Peter Peter Ray Peter Ray. Sometimes I do think Eric forgets that people do listen to the show that don't know us personally. Do your own research. That's all I'm saying. Do your own research. Do your own research before you beg. There, Eric, this episode is full of sound bites that you do not want people to take out of context. I'm just warning you. I'm just warning you. Guess they're gonna have to listen to the whole episode. I do want to know who would come to our show. Our show sp not a podcast, our show specifically, would just zoom in and go, you know what? Just this bit. Just this one right here. And then it comes in on me. These beggars. Hold on, get Matt. I'm gonna do one. I want you to come up with a really good, this sounds horrible out of context soundbite. You know, these beggars, they come crawling to me, begging for shit. I'm like, what the fuck are you even asking me for? Because I need to know specifically what they need so I can provide it for them because I want to. Sever your own penis. Yep. Or someone's been ejaculating on time pieces? Ha! Not on my watch. Yeah. Make that the title of the episode, coward. No. How about this? You know what? Tell me a better joke. Would you say you're begging me for a joke? You're being a choosing beggar about the joke. You begged me for a joke, and then I gave you one. And you said I want a different one. Yeah. Oh my fucking God, it all comes together. And Eric, I gotta tell you. This is why you have so much empathy for choosing beggars. Eric, I'm gonna tell you right now, this is really good. This is exactly what this is really good. The audience is gonna think it's really good. They're not gonna hear the like two-minute gap of silence that I'm pulling out of here. They're not gonna hear how long it took you to come up with it. All credit to you, my friend. You know what, Matt, you've convinced me. From here on out, 2026? You know what? Actually, yeah, fuck it. You know what? No, now I'm thinking about it differently. Matt, I'm changing my mind. Good. Because we live in a world where a bunch of fuckers who aren't even begging are doing all the choosing for us. That's correct. So you know what? 2026 this year, we beggars, we choosing. We choosin'. Choosing. I'm with you, Eric. Choose what crumbs you get to eat. Gimme. Gimme them crumbs. Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight. The cats aren't going away, but the mice, oh, we go play. Shh, yep. We're gonna eat them cats. We're gonna eat the fucking cats. Not my cat. Alf it up, everybody. Not my cat. Not in my back cat. That's the first cat I'm eating. Not in my cat yard. Absolutely. I'm crawling in there like the purge. Oh my god, am I a nimby in the cat revolution? Cat vis-a-vis, cat mice revolution. Now that that has title of episode possibilities right there. Am I a nimby in the cat revolution? Congratulations. Oh, it's too long. But it is a good soundbite, Eric. Good. So you know what? Yeah. Fuck it. Yes, choosers. You know what? I'm gonna go. Not only can choose beggars be choosers, beggars should be choosers. Should be choosers. Everyone should have a choice at all times. There shouldn't be some fucking litmus test you have to pass in order to choose things. Everyone gets a choice. I'm with you. I'm with you. There's no Turing test for begging. Yeah. Fuck this. You know what? Yeah. You know what? I will go find you a PS4. Yes. I'll go find one. I'm sorry for suggesting a two-gen old system. That's on me. My bad. I didn't read the room. My bad. Let me get you a new PS5. Looks like I was the one who was 2000 and late. Ain't it just the way? Ain't it just. Ain't it just. Eric, I think we done did that. I think we done did it. Banggars. Be choosing. We are on fire. We're killing it. We're killing it. We're not gonna get it. No smoke coming out of these ears. No, no, no, no. No plumage. No plumage. No. No cat eyes. Now, for our closing segment today, it's actually just yet another question. This one is in the circle back follow-up uh realm. Oh, we're gonna circle back, follow up. It's been a minute since we circled back, followed up, and came from a discussion on the Discord, mostly led by uh our good friends Aaron and Faith, uh, who uh Faith eventually coming up with the question of in honor of my birthday, I want to circ Matt's birthday, that is, I want to circle back to the Council of Matt's to dive into this critical institution that influences Matt's decision making. How many Matt's sit on the Council of Matt's? Which elements of Matt's personality do they represent? Is it a lifetime appointment, or do the mats serving on the council change over the course of Matt's life? Are there term limits? Filibuster? Questions abound, but that's the idea. I'd like to add gerrymandering to this question. Oh, that's just Faith's contribution. The rest came from Aaron. They both equally contributed. They both equally contributed. I think Faith did so good on that question. I'm not just saying that because she had to message me last night to say, hey, you didn't turn in this paperwork that we need for planning Magfest shit, and I need it now. What a true shock. Now peek into the curtain. Peek behind the curtain, baby. I stand backstage. Faith is a goddamn gem. That's just good to know that these same problems affect all your uh elements of your life. I do not discriminate. Great. Uh uh Matt's Matt seems to be kind of pissed off that I don't discriminate. So that's put that in the fucking sense. Putting that aside, these these questions are good. I've never considered any of this material when thinking about the council mats. In terms of lifetime appointment, my gut is to say yes. Yeah, I feel like I feel like they've been with you since the beginning. They've always been there. They've always been there. There, yeah, there are more oracles. Is this uh uh because I was gonna say, is this like an inside out situation where they're like at the helm of your brain? Oh, I think so. Yeah, I think there is a I I do picture a a round meeting room a la Jedi Council. Council chamber. I'm also imagining like the Bill and Ted's excellent adventure style, like when they go to the future and you see those dudes floating around, that's pretty cool. Yeah, I I definitely think but like very Jedi Council coded. Yeah, I think because it is a place also for decision making. So there's there's gotta be conversation, there's gotta be give and take sacrifice, heroicism, perhaps. Outbursts, outbursts. Oh, there's outbursts out of the wazir. Outbursts are a matter of of procedure. No one, yeah. Well, you know, rage mat over there. You gotta keep a tight. He has a series of muzzles that is put on him that he just keeps chewing through. Ray Rage Mat Rage Mat is like they they at least three or four other council members have to like turn a key at the same time to unleash them on like to go, all right. We've run out of other options. We're we're gonna have to let him out for a five-minute period on my mark. Everybody, stand back. Stand back. Uh yeah. I think I've bashful Matt, get out of the way. I don't know why I'm making them the the seven dwarfs. Bashful, the seven dwarf, there's grumpy mat, right? You know, the the the seven dwarf, grumpy, sleepy, dopey, and rage. And rage. And rage and vengeful mat and vengeance. I think you do have subsections of the there's rage, Matt, there's vengeance, Matt. I do think there are high council members. Yeah, oh yeah, there's tears here. Like, I do think anxiety mat holds like tenure on the on the well, that's what I was gonna say. Is he can't be removed. Aaron brought up the filibuster. I think, Matt, there's essentially a never-ending filibuster. They're just changing who's filibustering at any given point. Interesting. You know what, Aaron? Speak more on that. I think it's continue your psychoanalyst of me. I think analysis. I think it is at any given point, one of the council of Matt is just up and is like, and can you believe what they're doing? And the and and everyone's just kind of like quietly watching, and then it's and it like filibusters until he exhausts himself and like sits down, and then another Matt gets up and says, and another thing. Now, Eric, this okay, I'm I want to dig into this just a little bit because this implies that you view me as somebody who like exhausts a mood or something. No, no, no, no, no, no. Then I switch. No, no, man, ma'am, man, Matt. You have to remember, we're talking about in your mind. I know where we are. Yeah, Eric, I know where the chamber is located. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is this is what happens in my poor sweet baby boy's head at any given point. One of your fundamental aspects of self is just, yeah, is just pontificating to you and dealing with you. And you are just so you are you are essentially I hate to say this. I shit I shake and quake at the thought. Are you on the council? Because it does seem like you know. You do seem to know what's going on in my head, and I I have to say this to you and the listeners. I do not like that. Just somewhere it cuts to the shot of like in the Jedi Council of your mind. I walk in like Mats. And then I'm I'm I'm I was like, I Come to you today. Collectively, everyone turns turns around. Yeah. Jesus Christ. In unison. And and it's an Eric. They quickly they quickly confer with each other, and then whoever the chosen representative is just turns to me and says, Well, look who showed up. Well. Well, well, well. Can I see your invitation? Matt's, as you know, our our nations have established diplomatic channels. I come extending only the olive branch. I I do have it does feel like if anyone's going to infiltrate an Eric is appropriate given the proliferation of Eric's in my life. Yeah. I speak on the I speak on behalf of the coalition of Eric's. Oh no, no, not the Council of the Eric. Oh, now we're spawning another circle back follow-up because I I want to learn about the coalition of Ericsson. We'll talk about the coalition of Eric's another time, but the council of Mats. But yeah, Council of Mats. I do like your idea. I do think somebody's in charge. It might not come across externally. No, because you're like, you're like the messenger of the council. You're you're the person's like, when everyone hears screaming on the other side of the in inside the council doors, you're the one that politely pokes his head out and goes, um, I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. Uh I'm also the one who opens the door from time to time and am like uh as if I'm uh checking in on a jury. I am like, yeah, guys, I am gonna need an answer. Gonna need an answer here. I need a decision right now. I know this is all taking place within a millisecond, but I'm gonna need to know what to do. I'm gonna need to know what to do here. At this, I'm imagining this is what goes through my head having a conversation at a party. I I am gonna need I need something. I I I got a a joke. Anything. Ejaculating on time pieces. Is that anything? You have a joke, Eric? Go ahead. All right, great. Okay. I've got excited. I thought maybe maybe joke for the comedy show. Fine. Yeah, what other mats do you think are up there, by the way? Since you seem to have so much insight. We we we we have there's rage, Matt, there's anxiety, Matt, there's there's justice mat. Oh yeah. Justice Matt is like the foreman of the jury. Like he's not like technically above it, he's just responsible for he hands you the decision. Chief Justice Matt. Chief Chief Justice Matt. He presides. Yeah, Chief Justice Matt presiding. I think another high council member along with anxiety is loyalty mat. Oh, loyalty mat for sure. Loyalty Matt just because it goes both ways. Loyalty Matt just carries like a scroll that just is like goes on and on and twists into the darkness, and it is a list of friends and enemies. He he is one even though it is an external item, he does have the Ledger of Perceives Lights on him. Yes, he's the reason it exists. He's the reason I picked it up. When I when I saw that in the store and I said, I need to purchase this, that voice came from from Loyalty Matt. Yeah. I feel like he said, I need this in my repertoire. I feel like in any given day of your life, eat each Matt gets like everyone has a uh like a veto token they can just throw in, like, nope, I'm calling this one. And that's and that like, I'm using it for this. It was like, nope, picking up the the perceived slights. And I think to to go over uh so I do think lifetime appointments to to answer that. So therefore no no term limits, but to speak to uh and I like your idea of like a rotational filibuster is happening in my brain that feels appropriate. I would say also there's there are times where there has to be some sort of legal reason where somebody has the floor and somebody else starts talking. Again, I probably have undiagnosed ADHD, but I do think there is legal ramifications where a second filibuster can begin. Yeah, it's almost like parliamentary. Perhaps off mic. Like off oh yeah, like anxiety Matt is in charge. He's got the microphone, he's saying whatever he's got to say, and God does he have a lot to say. He's in there, he's like, I'm the worst, this is the worst. I hate this, everything's bad. And while he's going on, it hurts. Everything hurts. Off mic, you do you have somebody, you have uh, I don't know, who's another Matt, Eric? Oh, we we've we've got decorum Matthew. Oh, yeah, decorum Matthew's way back, and he so he's also starting to say he was like, I'm just saying that I do feel that somebody should be giving up a seat for my pregnant wife. Again, I'm referencing an episode of Oat. But you know, there's some sort of decorum being violated that he wants to talk on. And he's talking over anxiety mat, but anxiety mat's still got the the focus. It's like the the the audio uh watermark they're doing now with AI where they're they're putting like the thing. Oh, yeah, where they're putting some uh when people are getting around like posting clips of movies and stuff on like TikTok and reels and stuff, by putting like a very faint but definitely noticeable like audio track on the clip of like somebody talking or whatever. You can't like it it's their way of like throwing off the like copyright uh things. I I I do have so this parliamentary procedure that that allows the new one fillbuster to end and another be in. I think it all hinges on one thing because we have to remember at the end of the day, these are all mats. Eric, you've nailed it. I do view, I just realized I do view it as a parliament chamber. With people yelling, because again, I do think Congress can learn from parliament, and I think we'd get a lot more done if we could just scream at each other. People could scream insults at each other. And and I but I think with you, I think it's it's there's both the the the switch over because someone's like, fuck that, fuck you, here's why. But also, Matt, I think your council of Matt's being the council that they are, yeah. I think one Matt starts a filibuster by agreeing with something that the filibustering Matt is saying. He's like, No, and he has a very good point. They have to dug furthermore, and just literally have to find a transition. You have to find the transition. You you find the segue. A segue, yeah. They have to have a segue. A she way. A she a she way, a she way. Oh man. And with your spirit, and with your spirit. Uh and as for as for the gerrymandering question from Faith specifically, I think if if we're viewing it in an ever-changing, ever like ever fluid uh uh, I guess, jurisdiction of what my brain is working on at any given moment, then I think there's a natural gerrymandering that happens as shocus is shifting. And so so anxiety being redrawn. Yeah, so anxiety mat can have the whole map for a little bit until those states secede in quick succession away from him when the relief finally comes. I speak to the anxiety within the heart of every Matt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but I do like the view, I do like uh changing my view of my own in internal monologue from uh a Jedi Council, because I do like I do at the one hand A Jedi Parliament. A Jedi Parliament, a Jedi Parliament. You're still just thinking there are times, but I think there are times where there's somebody up there speaking and everybody is all the other Matt's are going, yeah, okay. Interesting. Very he brings up some good points. Let him keep going, let him cook. Let him cook. You know, do that. Matt's off to you. I do think there are times. Did you say Matt's off to you? I said Matt's off to you. Thank you. Yeah. There are. Thank you for using our traditional reading. And you're She. I do think there are times where it turns into the British Parliament. Oh, and there it's just no one gets violent. It is just because I think you're you're all two above that. When it gets going, it gets going, though. Yeah. Inches from each other's faces. Yeah, it gets raucous up in that council. I I have to know because I know everyone's wondering. What little outfits are you wearing? Oh, what are the little outfits? In my head, what's the aesthetic? In my head, the council of mats are all me. Like they are they all look like you. They look like me. Through the filter of their representative. And that is why they all if we were to stage this, there would be a costume change for each one of them. Like I think everyone has a different wardrobe in mind. Okay. It's like the devil angel that, you know, when they're portrayed as like little used, but one is all, you know, white and then angelic looking, and the other is a red devil with, you know, but they're your face. That's what I mean. Like, if the angel's in a toga and the devil's in a suit, like s and and so are the the council of some real do some real uh some real nutty professor type shit. Yeah, like anxiety mat, I think, uh is in a full suit. A full suit, and it's all black. G's Johnny Cashed. Oh, okay. Black shirt, black tie, black suit. He and he's as buttoned up as it gets because he has to be. Yeah, I I've I he's the he looks the most put together of anyone in the room because he is the most terrified. I'd say Chief Justice is like my neutral Matt. He is in my green hoodie that I uh adore. You know, he's in he's in whatever I'm wearing that day. He's he's got the true representation. Yep. He's like the Pope in that Pope. He's the one who hands, he's got the the big Matt's ear. So he hands off the decisions, you know. He's he's the foreman that's so when the smoke starts coming out of your ears, they've picked a new Matt Pope. A new Chief Justice has been elected. A new chief Matt has risen to the head of the council. Yes. Yes, indeed. Tight. Hell yeah. So those are some thoughts on the council mats, everyone. Good circle back, good follow-up. If you've got something for us to follow back on or circle back to, or you just got a brand new question that you want us to answer, you best turn it into us. You didn't ask for this at gmail.com. That is all spread out. All spread out. That's all spread out, baby. Keep it spread out, baby. All spread out. Legs a kimbo. Get your stirrups ready. Oh, God. Uh, or you can send them to us at you didn't ask pod on the various socials. That's the letter you didn't ask pod. Again, the thought line is open for you to leave us some audio magic. 410-929-5329. We went right into the business, Eric. It's per a flawless segue. We Shaywayed. So flawless right into the business that I I simply could not be stopped. Eric, is there any other business that we need to address? Any pressing business? Nothing in particular, no. No? No. Well, then I think we might have done it. I mean, did it? I think they should join the Patreon, though. I think they should join the Patreon. Patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this. Orgy dome. That's all I'm gonna say. Orgy dome. Orgy discounts, Discord, uh, bonus episodes. Size 72 font winged, orgy dome. And what does that mean? You don't get to know until you're in the dome, baby. You don't need to know until you're in the dome, baby. Until you're in the dome. Get in the dome! Orgy dome dome! So for all of us here from you didn't ask for this, my name is Matt Shea. My name is Eric Poach. And listen, you didn't ask. But you want a fucking joke? All right, here's a joke. I do. Mickey is getting a divorce from Minnie. Okay. And the divorce judge, overseeing the proceeding, says, Mr. Mouse, I'm sorry, I can't grant you a divorce based on the grounds of accusing your wife of being very silly. And Mickey says, Huh, I didn't say she was very silly. I said she was fucking goofy. You're welcome. Now that's a joke, that's a punchline.