Gina's Story: Love, Impact, and the Unthinkable (Part 1) -E429

In Part 1 of this deeply moving conversation, Gina shares the story of her son, Gabe, a kind, funny, and compassionate 17-year-old whose presence impacted everyone around him.

From memories of his humor and heart, to the way he showed up for kids who felt unseen, this episode paints a beautiful picture of who Gabe was before everything changed.

Gina then walks us through the day of the accident, the hospital, and the unimaginable moments that followed. What unfolds is not only a story of loss, but a powerful reflection of love, community, and the way people come together in the face of tragedy.

This is a story about a life that mattered, a community that showed up, and a mother beginning to navigate the unthinkable.

This is Part 1 of Gina’s story.

Transcript

Welcome And Content Note

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Welcome to Don't Forget to Breathe. I'm Bruce Barker here with my co-host, Kristen Glenn. Today's episode is one that stays with you. We sit down with Gina, a mother sharing the story of her son Gabe. And before we move into the hardest part of her journey, we begin where all of these stories should begin: with who Gabe was. You'll hear about a young man full of humor, kindness, and a heart that made space for everyone. A kid who showed up for others, especially those who needed it most. A son who called his mom G, and whose life touched far more people than he probably ever realized. But you'll also hear about the day everything changed. This is part one of Gina's story, and it's a conversation that moves from laughter and memories into the unthinkable moment no parent is ever prepared for. Take this at your own pace. And as always, we're really glad you're here.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Hi Gina. Hi, Kristen. Hi. It's just good to be in your space. I know. I agree. Yeah. I miss your face. Yeah, same. We feel really honored for you, you know, just being with us today. And we just really want to start with what do you want to share about your Gabe with people that will be listening? Tell us, tell us about him.

What Made Gabe Laugh

SPEAKER_03 2:07

I'm probably biased, of course, but he was very handsome, very sweet. Uh, mama's boy was 17 when he passed away. Probably one of my best friends, which becomes tough throughout the years, right? We were probably a lot alike. Little Henri looking for fun. Yeah, he was my second born child. My daughter was very mature and precocious and you know, did things by the book, and uh Gabriel was not that way. He was funny from the time he could walk, really, or before that. Uh before he could talk, he was funny, and we just got a big kick out of him. He was born with a large head, and so everybody, you know, would be like, Oh my gosh, you know, his head is so big. And uh he dealt with that through his little years of elementary school, but we would just tell him it was because his brain was so big and smart. So, but he definitely grew into his beautiful big head. Yeah, you've shared pictures with me. He's just a beautiful boy. Yeah, he was. He was a beautiful boy. Yes, he was.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

Hey Gina, tell me what made Gabe laugh.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

Probably things that happen to people or incidents that just it's like, Gabriel, that's not funny. You know, like don't be laughing at that. He was a person in school that would take on kids that didn't feel included. And he did United Basketball, which is for special needs kids. Yeah, yeah. So you think he was being honri, but he really loved being with those kids. Just I don't I I guess I'm not answering your question clear, but it's your story.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

It's so don't worry about the question.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

Yeah, well, he was just he loved to try things, and I I don't know what was so funny, but he just thought things were funny. Anything was funny. Um, but but going back to the special needs, there was a boy that lived in our neighborhood, and he just took to Gabriel. Just Gabriel was his everything, his best friend. And Gabe was so good with him, and it just amazed me as how honorary he could be that how special he was with those children and being on that basketball team. And he was a junior in high school doing it. So, you know, you're almost too cool for that kind of stuff, right? But no, he he he loved it. He did that.

Homecoming Advice And A Mom Called G

SPEAKER_02 4:27

So a whole lifetime of memories. And I'm just, you know, I just when I'm asked for favorite memories, it's it's tough to narrow down. Do you have one that stands out just as you're sitting here with us today that I do could share?

SPEAKER_03 4:40

This was the year that he passed away, and what makes it so good was that he didn't call me mom very often. He called me G. And his friends thought that was hilarious. And I was just fine with that. I was like, Yeah, you know, you can call me G. So they were senior boys, and all the girls wanted to go to homecoming with them, right? Everybody's trying to hook someone up. He he was just disgusted with that. He's like, Mom, I just don't want to do that. What should we do? And I said, you know what? Those girls have been bossing you with guys around since third grade. And I said, I would just go with all you boys, and I would just have a great time and not worry about it. So there was this area by where we lived, and they called it the circuit. And it was just an open field, and they kids would just meet there. And so he goes to the circuit and tells his friends, my mom said that we shouldn't go with any girls and that we should just go with us guys. And I didn't know that until after he passed away. And his buddies were like, gee, he'd love to come and tell us what you thought we should do, and then that's what we would do. So that's beautiful. That memory is just like, you know, you don't know that your children really listen to you. And I would have never known that until his friends told me.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Yeah. What a gift that they shared that.

SPEAKER_03 5:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They loved his relationship with me. And they loved being at our house because of him and the gathering place. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

The times that you and I have talked, I just um always left wishing I would have had the honor of meeting your gay.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

I know. Yeah. Yeah. I think that about a lot of people. Like, I mean, everybody's children are special, uh, obviously, but I just can't explain him. And it was almost like he did all these things because he wasn't going to be here long enough. You know, like all this stuff that he did just seemed like, are you sure you want to do that? Or sh you know? And yeah, he just really went out there.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Lived very fully.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

He did. Yeah, he did.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

I know this is you know, tougher to move into the that depth of what that time surrounding Gabe's passing was like and the events that led to that goodbye here on earth and you know what you remember about that time.

Surgery News And Shock

SPEAKER_03 6:49

Okay. Uh yeah, we were um, me and my neighbor were sitting visiting. It was about three in the afternoon, and that evening before, Gabe had asked if he could take half a day off school, and it was early September, and they just started school, and you know, he was a big old senior. So, and I said, Well, what are you gonna do? And he said, I'm gonna go dirt biking with Clayton. And I said, Well, you know what? We have to pick your truck up, so why don't you just take the whole day off? Of course. Yeah, why don't you just take the whole day off? You've been burning a candle at both ends, you rest, you sleep, because I don't want you, I want you to be tip top when you're riding your dirt bike. He said, Okay, mom, cool. So I woke him up about 11. We went and picked up his pickup. So we went and got his pickup and he had to have a new clutch put in. And I'm like, Gabriel, stop. What are you doing with that clutch? Like, stop doing that. And he's like, mommy, you know, blah, blah, blah. And so we go pick it up and we're standing in the parking lot, and he says, Mom, is my truck the shits or what? And I said, It is the shits. I said, You're crazy. So he gets in it, and of course, he pops the clutch going out of the parking lot, and he looks at me, he just has this grin. And that's the last I saw him, just this beautiful grin, which you remember the picture is his face. And I was like, Oh my word, that clutch. So three o'clock in the afternoon, I'm sitting there, and Clayton's dad calls and said, There's been an accident at the dirt track, and Gabe's hurt, but I don't know how bad. And I said, Okay. Uh he said the ambulance is here, but I don't know where they're taking him. I said, I'll get on the road and then just keep me posted and I'll just head that way. So it was really crazy. I was getting discombobulated and lost and thinking I'm gonna take a shortcut. And it just was, it was just crazy getting there. And so when I got there, there was this pastor, and he tried to talk to me and I said, I don't, I don't want to talk to you. I was like, I don't know who you are, and I don't want to talk to you. And he's like, Well, do you do you want to see your son before he goes into surgery? And I said, Well, yeah, but I don't need you. And he's like trying to hold on to me, you know, and I'm like, Don't. And my friend that was with me was like, Gina, don't be so rough, you know, don't be rough. I'm like, I'm not, but I don't need a pastor helping me with anything, you know, I was being honory. So I saw him laying there on the bed and just beautiful. And they said, Okay, we're gonna hustle him into surgery. And I said, Okay, and called my husband, didn't answer the phone, called my husband again, didn't answer. And I was like, Oh my God. So called a friend of his that I had a phone number for and said, Um, is Steve there? And she said, Yeah, we're in a meeting. And I said, Well, he needs to meet me. And Gabe got in an accident, and uh, she said, Okay, I'll tell him. So we're sitting there, and people start coming into the hospital, and we went into a family room. I s I remember my sister-in-law's face, and a surgeon came in and she said, I would have been working on Gabe, but Dr. V beat me here, so I'm just gonna visit with you guys while he's in surgery with Dr. V. And I'm like, okay. The doctor came in, two doctors came in, and um I was laying on the floor, and everyone was trying to get me up off the floor. And I I don't know what made me want to be on the floor. I I don't know what that was. It was so I was like, okay, you know, so I got up and the doctor said, you know, we had to cauterize Gabe's veins in his head because we couldn't stop the bleeding. And I really wasn't like when he said cauterize, I wasn't really like, didn't really know what that meant. I mean, I wasn't comprehending, you know, and I'm like, okay. He said, you know, uh, we did the best we could. And I was like, what are you talking about? You know, like, what do you mean? And he's like, Well, we just couldn't stop the bleeding. And when you cauterize, you know, that stops the blood flow. And, you know, I was like, are you you're just standing there telling me this? Like, it doesn't like what? Like this is your everyday conversation? I mean, how can you stand there and tell me this? I'm like, Do you have children? And he's like, Yeah, I do. I have boys, you know. And I said, Well, how can you just stand there? You know, and all my family was in there, and my husband and my daughter, and they're like, mom, and I'm like, No, you can't just tell me that. So um, he said, Well, we're gonna go ahead and put him in a room because miracles could happen, and he's so young, and you know, maybe he could come out of that. Well, you know, at the time it was like, okay, great, you know, but now that you talk about it, it's like, well, surely that I mean, anybody that was in their right mind was thinking, that's not gonna happen. So we got a room and went in there and um he just looked beautiful. And, you know, he didn't have a scratch on him, not a broken bone, no broken neck, like nothing. It was just the veins had sheared on the back of his head, and they just couldn't get him all back together. So we went through our journey there. You know, it was like they took his the breathing apparatus out, and they said, you know, he's breathing on his own. So this is a good sign, you know, and it's like, okay. And so we decided finally the school was calling because it was homecoming. They didn't know what to do. And so my husband and I were like, Well, homecoming's for the whole school. It's not just for seniors, so you just gotta do it. The principal said, Well, let me see what the response is to that. And he came back and he said, The kids don't want it. They don't want to do it without Gabe.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

What was that like for you to hear that school support, the impact of your son on that school?

Homecoming Turns Into A Tribute

Letting Friends Say Goodbye

SPEAKER_03 12:40

I mean, he was he was loved by, you know, he was like a little town boy, you know. I mean, everybody liked him. And like I said, between the special needs kids and you know, kids that weren't always liked, he just was really liked and brought them all along with him. And so I believed uh that the kids didn't want it. So they said, Well, we have to go on with the football game because it's scheduled. And my husband and I were teaching like, yeah, you know, God, yeah, please do. And Gabe's favorite color was orange. And he had asked, this is my son, he asked the athletic director if he could throw flour during the football games because he wasn't a football player, but he was right down there in the middle in the front with the cheerleader's front row, right? And they wanted to throw flour or something. I don't know what that deal was, but anyway, they told him no, you know, you can't because the reads for the clarinets and all that. But he goes and asks, right? Like he he didn't even just do it, he asks. So they said no. So the night of the football game at Homecoming, they threw orange Gatorade in the air for him. All the kids were orange. They streamed it to us to the hospital so we could see it in the parade. We have a really big parade in a small town. It's like one of the biggest things, you know, they do. And the parade just had kids wearing orange and I mean signs for Gabe in the parade, and it was like it was amazing. It was amazing. So we're at the hospital, and that's Friday, and they told us that we needed to make a decision about letting him go. And so at the hospital, the areas where you stay, you know, where you sit, the waiting rooms, the one in the ICU was all of our family and close friends. There was one that was a little further out, and it was adults and teachers and principals from the different schools. And then in the main was like probably 75 kids were in that waiting room. And there's a picture that one of the teachers took of all the kids that were in the waiting room for him, sleeping on the floor, staying over the night. Anyway, when we decided to do it, I remember taking him to get his driver's license. And he signed up to donor to donate his organs. And I said, Oh yeah, buddy, you got to do that. I said, because if somebody, something happens, you know, you want to be able to help somebody with your organs. And it was just a conversation. It wasn't, I mean, you know, like I was like, oh, that's the right thing to do, you know. So they came and that was tough deciding all that. And then a priest came. My husband and I were both raised Catholic and didn't practice much, but his name was Gabriel, the priest, and he was um from Italy, which I'm first generation Italian. So we thought that was interesting, you know. So the priest starts talking about last rites, and I was like, What are you doing? Like, how can, you know, again, how can you stand there and just say this, you know? And he's like, I'm sorry, but you are the one that asked to have the last rites done, and I won't do this if you don't want me to. And I said, Well, no, I want you to, but don't be so matter of fact. And he's like, Well, I'm just doing what I'm supposed to. And so then after he did it, you know, of course, my daughter and my husband are like, you know, honey, don't be so rough. And I'm like, I'm not, I'm just mad, you know. So when he was done, he came to me and he said, This wasn't easy. He said, and I knew the circumstance. And he said, even though I acted like it was easy, it wasn't. And I told him, I'm sorry, you know, and when we made the decision to take his apparatus off of breathing, there was a doctor standing there, and saying this now is so ridiculous. But I told him, Can you take my brain and give it to him? Because if that would work, I would do that. He said, No. He said, Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. And he was crying as I was saying it. It was very, I mean, everybody was very emotional, and they took his breathing apparatus off and we let the kids go in and say bye to him. There was like just a line of kids. I don't know if that was the right thing to do or not, but they wanted to see him. So a couple friends and neighbors kind of figured that out and got kids in and out of there quickly, and the nurses were all, you know. Um another thing that happened, and my daughter gave Gabriel a bath and they asked him, asked her if she'd like to do that to bathe him. And uh, because she was studying to be a nurse at the time. She really was proud of herself at the time and came out and said, Mom, come and look at him. He looks beautiful, you know. But it really it really affected her actually in the long run. She said she wishes she wouldn't have done it, but it just I don't I I can't speak for her, but you know, I think she's has different feelings about that how that happened. But at any rate, they took the breathing apparatus off. I just told my husband, my daughter, I can't stay in here and watch him breathe because I feel like he's just gonna sit up. He there was nothing, I mean, physically there was nothing wrong. And I I I just it was really hard on me to watch that breathe on his own. He breathed on his own for 16 hours. My husband stayed in the room with him the whole time. And I went out and started planning his service with my friends. And then it was nine o'clock, and we were just gonna go home because he was still breathing. And I I well, I was gonna go to a girlfriend's house, and my husband was gonna stay in the room with him. We went to the parking lot, we were out there visiting, and my daughter's friend stayed at in the hospital, and she came running out and said, He's gone. So we all went back in. It was it was really it was kind of weird. It was like a joyous thing. Everyone was like, Oh my gosh, you know, thank God, you know, and we went back in and said goodbye, and we uh we went home. We all went home together, and my husband called his family at my house and said, We don't want to talk to anybody, we don't want to see anybody, we just want to go up to our room and we'll see you in the morning. And so everybody was like, okay with that, and and that's what we did.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

It strikes me how many times during that incredibly traumatic time you protected each other. Yes. And you protected his friend's space, his sister's space, each other's space. That's always um really been something I have remembered is the space you hold for his friends, yeah, for others to grieve him. Yeah. You didn't go into a he's only Steve and I you know, you really from the moment that homecoming game and parade and Gene, I don't think you'll ever know the impact that you have on young people's grief. We're not taught how to grieve, and that you gave permission and space and love and compassion to young people that were in the darkest place they'd been in in their in their young lives.

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Yeah, and I, you know, we we did this service, um, even though we're Catholic, you know, that wasn't we didn't feel true to that at the time. So we did a service at an event center there in town, and there was 1,200 people, and the guy that owned the Pete's place that Gabe used to work at came up and said, you know, I've never closed my shop ever for no reason. The whole town was just closed down, and and the schools, the principals, the day was off for the kids, all the teachers that he had, they were all there. Uh the doctors came, his doctor. It was beautiful. It was, and and we happened to have a priest that did some of the service, and all the kids talked and got it come up and say something about him. We had his motorcycle there and we'd put flowers on it, which is kind of like I don't know what the right word is, but like a love-hate thing, right? It was what he loved, but it was what took him. But we had to honor it because he loved that. I mean, he was just he rode a motorcycle with his dad since he was like six or seven, and I would go pick the motorcycle up when he'd fall, and my husband would say, Stop doing that. He needs to do that. I'm like, I'm not gonna stop doing that. I'm gonna go pick up his motorcycle for him. You just don't worry about it, you know.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yeah, yeah. Gina, when was this?

Team Gabe Wristbands And Memory

SPEAKER_03 21:38

It was September 16th, was the day he passed, but it happened on September 13th, nine years ago. It was 2027. 2017, I'm sorry. 2017, yeah. Yeah, and he was born in 2000, so it was his 17th year.

unknown 21:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Okay. And I see that you're still wearing an orange wristband for Team Gabe.

SPEAKER_03 22:01

The kids um had these made. This is maybe the second one I've had. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And uh and a lot of his friends still wear them.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Yeah, I still have the blue ones that I made for Kristen. Yeah that people asked for. And and so I'm sure that a lot of our listeners, just because of the distance in time from when our child passed, doesn't change how we honor them along the way that it continues. So I know that that listeners are wearing wristbands and they're they're wearing pendants and they're wearing As well they should. Yeah, whatever it is. And I think that that's a great way to continue to honor our children. And for me, it raises it let it raises the question. So somebody says, What is that? Oh, I'm gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_03 22:48

I love it. I love when people ask me about it. I love it.

Anger On The Floor Of Grief

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Yeah. Yeah. So that's that's kind of what we're doing with this and and having parents coming on and telling their story is we just continue to honor our children. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't end that. Yeah, it doesn't matter. I so appreciate you coming on and and sharing, especially the really vulnerable time. Yeah. I know for me, I was in a fog, but I was also really angry. And I know you mentioned that earlier. So if you can remember and and want to share what emotions were present with you during that time and then shortly after gay passed.

SPEAKER_03 23:27

Something that maybe some people will relate to, and it reminds me of this. There's a movie, and of course, now I'm not gonna remember what the movie's called, but Nicole Kidman and um Christian Bale were in it, and it was about bringing the chief from prison back to his reservation, and Christian Bale was the captain at the time and was gonna do you remember that movie? I can't I I can't remember what it's called. Anyway, Nicole Kidman lost her entire family to the Indians, and they were gonna Christian Bale comes upon her and says, We're gonna help you bury your family. We can't move on with this chief because we're gonna help you bury your family. And she's laying, she's on the ground in the dirt, digging a hole with her hands. And that's exactly that feeling is exactly what described me was just digging in the dirt and crying. I don't know if it was like digging in the dirt for the grave. For her it was, but for me, I don't know if that was just the anger and the the frustration, but I'll never forget that scene in that movie.

SPEAKER_02 24:46

That's so powerful. Yeah, I don't think I've seen that film, but the visual of that just on your knees, yes, digging. And uh, you know, when you talk about being on the the floor of the hospital room, I myself was there and the hundreds of families that I've been with in the hospital, that's what we do. We we can't remain upright anywhere. Is it an animal instinct or something? I don't think it's going back to our absolutely roots of being mammals and needing to be as low to the ground. Yeah. Um, but that image of her digging.

SPEAKER_03 25:24

You you gotta see that. It's it's kind of amazing.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Yeah, that's incredible.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

I was that the question what was the question? Oh, my memories.

How Marriage Changes After Child Loss

SPEAKER_02 25:31

The emotions of the those times. And yeah. And if you want to speak also to how how you and your husband throughout this journey, yeah, the early days and now have journeyed through this differently and the same. You know, what have you noticed?

SPEAKER_03 25:45

Um also another thing was a girlfriend of mine, which is just crazy. Well, she's one of my best friends, lost her son to a fentanyl overdose three years before Gabriel died. And I helped her with her service. The father was not around, didn't want to be around. I sus I should say, chose not to be around. So I helped her and I looked at her at the hospital and I said to her, I mean, this was like crushing. I just said, I knew I should have never been your friend. And to this day, she's my very best friend. And I mean, she just looked at me, and she has a special needs daughter also, and she said, I'll help you with Gabriel. I'll help you if he comes out of, you know, I'll I'll help you take care of him. And I said, I don't even want to be your friend. I knew I I mean, I mean, what an awful thing to say. Like, do a I don't want to be part of this this club.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

No, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 26:44

I do not want to, you know, I just I mean, for her to even want to be my friend anymore, but no, she um she really stuck there for me, and you know, but that was one thing that an anger thing. And then um, Steve and I we chose to be together from the beginning. We fell in love, my second marriage, we chose to be together. He's Spanish and I'm Italian, and our histories, our backgrounds, and everything are very similar, and he really liked that. It was family and food and loud and you know, all that. So um we chose to be together and we chose to have children together, and we are not we're not going anywhere. We're together, and we've that never even crossed our mind. I know there's a percentage of people that don't stay together after they lose children. I I can't even imagine that. But I think if there's no cracks in your marriage, and every marriage has cracks, but the crack isn't big enough that you want to leave each other. Um, because I can't think of anybody else I would want to be with to mourn and to celebrate my son. I mean, I I I mean, who would care enough? Who k who would want to hear my stories? Or who would just understand if I'm having a rough day and and he knows, or he's went into himself and which he does more so, and then I get it. Or he snaps at me and I'm like, ah, he's not really mad at me. I know he's not because I didn't do anything, you know. So yeah, that's uh our marriage is better, stronger, the same. You know, we chose to be together.

SPEAKER_01 28:26

Yeah, that's definitely not always the case. No, just with some of the um the people that I talk with in groups um that I facilitate, yeah, where some marriages have become stronger and some have fallen apart. Because I think we all know that men and women grieve differently, and then it just does it pull us together, does it push us apart? In my case, I was um single at the time uh that Kristen died. But I get your the question that you said is okay, who wants to hear this? Yeah. Yeah. So that you know, that becomes a expensive. Especially being single.

SPEAKER_03 29:00

I mean, who wants to hear your story?

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Yeah. So like even in a, you know, in a in a dating kind of a thing, it's like, who wants to be there for that? So I think it says a lot about people in general, and you know, what Kristen mentioned earlier that we're just not taught how to lose. We're not taught about grief and loss. And it's something that we hope this podcast helps along the way. We know we've got episodes coming up that are directed specifically for those that are walking beside someone on a journey, just so everyone feels less alone. And you can have you can have that safe space with someone. And I and I definitely get it where there can be a you know, someone can blow up on each other, but you know it's not you.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

As we close part one, there's a lot sitting here. Gabe's life, his impact, the way he showed up for others, and then the sudden shift into the unimaginable. What stands out is not just the loss, but the love that surrounds it. The way his friends gathered, the way a community showed up, the way Gina and her family held space for others even in the middle of their own pain. In the next episode, we'll continue Gina's story, moving deeper into the days, the emotions, and the reality of learning to live after losing a child. For now, just take a moment. If this stirred something in you, you're not alone. So until next time, be gentle with yourself, and please don't forget to breathe.