S1/ E6- Entering a New Year While Grieving a Child

This will be a really short chat; I didn’t plan on doing an episode for a couple of weeks, but this thought popped up and I wanted to share it. This will be short, but hopefully, you will find something in it that might help. The big theme of my New Year’s Message…YOU MADE IT!

Transcript

Bruce: 0:36

Welcome to Don't Forget to Breathe. I'm your host, Bruce Barker. This is episode six, and I call it a New Year's Message. This will be a really short chat. I didn't plan on doing an episode for a couple of weeks, but this thought popped up and I wanted to share it. This will be short, but hopefully you'll find something in it that might help. You know, for many of you and maybe most of us, a multitude of thoughts and ideas seem to come when I'm in the shower. I'm not sure if it's the metaphorical vision of water streaming at and over me, maybe the cleansing that takes place, or just the private time. Standing there in your original birthday outfit, nothing to come between you and the water, nothing to hide behind. I'm not sure. But a few minutes ago, I stepped into the shower to clean up from yet another of my self-provided COVID haircuts, a staple for me in 2020. And there was a flood of thoughts and emotions that was just pouring over me. And I wanted to share some of those with you. And here's the big theme of my New Year's message. You made it. Simple as that. You made it. You know, 2020 was an incredibly challenging year for most Americans. In fact, most global citizens, I don't need to remind anyone of the expansive hardships people faced depending on their particular circumstances and situations. But for those who survived the death of a loved one in 2020, it was the ultimate punch in the gut. But while your grief is fresh and very difficult, here you are in 2021. You made it. It might not feel like much of a positive moment or a victory, but you are here. You made it. For those of us who have lost children, you know, be it just two years ago or two decades ago, you still had your dread and anxiety when thinking about birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, all those special events in 2020. And yet, it's New Year's Day, 2021, and you survived. You are here, you made it. New Year's Eve, it's always been my favorite special event. For me, it was a time I set aside to personally look back at the previous year, to all the blessings and successes, to memories of special times, experiences, and moments to cherish. It was also a time to look back at my failures, disappointments, and the times I may have let people down or treated someone poorly, or just when I was an ass. Then, after my reflections, I looked ahead to limitless possibilities the new year could offer. What I wanted to do, what I needed to do, and what I needed to correct. It was a blank canvas, and for the most part, I had the brush. That became more of a challenging time after I lost my daughter, but the overall time of reflection and forecasting, it was still there, though maybe it was a bit more cloudy. So as I watched a broadcast of the New Year's Eve event from Times Square last night, I thought back to my time when I worked in Times Square in 1999, and the very fortunate moment I had standing at 43rd in Broadway, looking straight up at the ball as it dropped to ring in the year 2000. I bring that up to say that being there that night was such an iconic moment of my reflection and forecast, but that I could not have possibly predicted what I would experience in the twenty-one years since that night. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows, all woven together into a complex tapestry that shows the past two decades all too well on my face, in my body, in my mind, and in my very soul. But here I am, January 1st, 2021. I'm alive. I'm living a very blessed life, and I'm talking to you. How is that possible? It's possible because we made it. You're here, I'm here. We made it. So what does 2021 have in store for us? How will we navigate our grief? How will we navigate our joy? How will you paint your blank canvas? Well, I'll do my best, Bob Ross impersonation, and say, Let's start by putting a happy little sky up here. Just let your brush bounce around and play. Maybe there's a little tree that lives up on the hill. Just just basic shapes. Still not looking for a lot of detail. Just very basic shapes. So the bottom line, I know that was a really bad impression, but still. So the bottom line is that you have the brush. And you have to start somewhere. So you might as well start with a happy little sky. That's it for now. I said it would be short.