Growing With Enneagram Insights

In this episode, I’m focusing on relationships, using the Enneagram to understand the 9 different core motivations that drive our behavior.

Identifying our core fears and desires can foster greater compassion in personal and professional relationships. As we notice what is driving our behaviors—even when we’re not consciously aware —we can create a tool box to support us, including exercises for self-reflection. 

Noticing and understanding your own—and others’—core motivations can open up new possibilities for empathy, collaboration, and personal growth.

Links 

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Transcript

0:05

The Enneagram is helping us name and address why we think and feel and do life the way we do. We're going to start with what motivates behavior. There is a thought that creates a feeling in your body that moves you towards or away from actions. There are fears and desires motivating you that you have that you may have never noticed before, but they're driving your behavior. Welcome to the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I'm life coach Kelly Tibbits, and each week I'll be here to encourage and equip you with the tools you need to grow in self-awareness and invest your best energy in your dreams and your purpose. I believe self-awareness changes everything. Let's get started. The more that we can notice information through Enneagram basics you're more open and receptive to something that you maybe hadn't noticed about yourself before. Something new might come to life for you that you never noticed before- it doesn't just impact us- it's a ripple effect for the world. We have more grace and more empathy. The Enneagram is helping us name and address the core dynamics of our heart. Why do we think and feel and do life the way we do? We're going to start with what motivates our behavior. Have you ever thought of that before? That there is a thought that you have that creates a feeling in your body that moves you towards or away from actions that is motivating you. There are fears and desires that you have that you may have never noticed before, but they're still fundamental, and they are driving your behavior. As I talk about the different motivations today, you might notice your aligned path. You have two wings, one on either side. And a place you go in strength and health. So about four or five different paths that really makes sense for you. Yes, I think this drives my behavior sometimes, all the time. I'm noticing this. And there will be four to five that you think, "That doesn't make sense for me." That is a really good starting place. Just to begin to notice. I can see this, and this doesn't necessarily work for me. Come back and be open and receptive to growing in understanding why we think, feel, and do life the way we do. What are our core fears, and what are our core desires? If you have a piece of paper in front of you, you can write down the numbers one to nine. And as I speak to these fears, these things that we want to avoid, see if anything feels true or if it doesn't seem important to you at all, you don't notice it in your life, or you might even have a really strong aversion like, "I don't even ever see that show up in my life. It doesn't make any sense." If you were invited into a space to do something, to paint a picture, to cook a meal, to give a speech, what would you be afraid of? Would you not want to be wrong? Would you not want to be bad? Would you not want people to say you're unloved or unwanted? Would you really dread having people say you are incompetent? How about being seen as insignificant, mundane, or just too much? Would you really not want to walk into a space and be helpless or incompetent, not know what to do? How about if you walked into the space and it felt dangerous or that you didn't have the guidance you need? Would you really dislike it if you had to go do something and it was so limiting it was boring? Would you not want to do something if you felt like you were being controlled or other people thought you were weak? Or maybe as you were doing it, it felt like there was a lot of conflict or you were being overlooked. Did any of these feel true enough that you could say, "Yes, I think I would not want to cook a meal, put on a presentation, create a piece of art, give a lecture," if any of this was true? Think of the last job you had, whether it was for volunteer or for pay. If you had to go in and begin the job, which of these things would you really not want to happen? What's the core fear in doing something for the first time? If you're not noticing, it's very confusing, see if you can spend some time this week and begin to notice, "Oh, when I had to go drive somewhere I've never driven before, am I noticing something?" Or, "I'm in a new group of people and I don't know them really well. I'm noticing some of these core fears." The reality is we spend most of our life doing behaviors to avoid these core fears. We don't address them and just acknowledge them. One of the most important things about the Enneagram is it's a personality typing system. It's not your identity. You are 100% loved, made on purpose for a purpose. What are you noticing about your behavior? If you can meet that need yourself, suddenly the whole world opens up for us. It's helpful again to notice what's not resonating. Maybe cross those off and see if you can notice four or five that may be true. If this is your second or third time learning about the Enneagram, your core fear might be obvious to you. Now we're going to talk about your core desire. So say you're having a group of people over to your house, and what would you desire for that evening of being together? Maybe you're going to a new location and you've never gone on a trip there before. Maybe you are starting a new job. What would you like people to say about you? What would you like to be true in your work? What would you like to be known about you? First, when you're in a group of people, maybe you volunteer on a board or you work for pay, would you want people to say, "Oh, she has goodness, integrity, and balance"? Would you want them to say, He is so loved and wanted. You're so valuable. You're so unique. Would you want them to be saying, "I love the mastery and understanding they show up with"? Would you want to feel inside of your soul that you are supported and secure, that you have the guidance that you need, you don't have to be afraid? Would you want to be satisfied and content in the work that you do or with the people that you're with? Do you want to feel like you have been able to maintain your own self-protection? Are you noticing that you want inner stability and peace of mind? Do any of these rise to the top? Is there anything that you could cross off right away, not important to you? What's really interesting as you begin to grow in your understanding of the Enneagram is there is a core desire and a core fear that aligns with one of the nine. There's two wings on either side and two paths that you can go to in stress and health. It doesn't mean that all five of these paths are developed enough that you understand these truths about yourself. In fact, you might be like me, and your family of origin encouraged you down one path and away from another. It's okay for you to notice maybe two or three that are resonating, and some others that maybe should be because they're your wings or the path that you know go from your number to the numbers in stress and health, and they're just not resonating. Nothing's gone wrong. It's just maybe something that you haven't had the freedom and the opportunity to experience. So again, where are we going to start? We're going to start with noticing. Spending some time putting these words in front of us, and then maybe using some synonyms if these exact words are not the words that are connecting to you. I know when I began doing this work, I didn't even know I had a core desire. I was so unaware of why I thought and felt and did life the way I did. I never would have thought it was because I wanted to be loved and wanted. It took me time to do the work to realize what my core desire was. It's 100% fine if as you're beginning today, you're not sure. Starting with what isn't true can be just as helpful. I would know that I never did anything on purpose just to be satisfied and content. Doing something for fun or for joy was never what drove my behavior. That was a good starting place. The more you practice noticing, the clearer this will become. You might even want to bring in a friend or two that know you really well and see if they notice anything. Our goal is to identify our one core fear and our one core desire, but this might take time. And finally, one of my favorite reasons for teaching about the Enneagram is it helps us to grow in compassion and empathy for others. Now that you see there's these nine different things that people desire in a meeting, when they're meeting together for fun, a family coming over. Noticing that everybody has different desires might make it easier for you to understand, "Wow, this is why they're behaving the way that they are. Their core desire wasn't met. Their core fear was triggered. And even though I'm not experiencing this, I can have some empathy for somebody who's experiencing this differently than I am." Thank you for joining the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I hope our time together encouraged you and will equip you with the tools you need to move into the vibrant life you desire. I'm here to help you live a brave, creative, purpose-filled life. And if you'd like to learn more, you can follow me on Instagram or Facebook, Kelly Tibbits Life Coach, or visit my website, kellytibbitts.com. I look forward to connecting again soon.