DJ: Percy won the battle; got cursed. Percy brought the bolt back; got cursed. [Laughter] It's two out of three gods that will curse you. That’s what I'm getting at.
Darien: Yeah, sounds about right.
[Theme music]
Darien: Greetings mortals, monsters, and myth-lovers alike. You're listening to Podcast of Poseidon, where we explore ancient myths and their modern retellings by reading Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson and the Olympians. This is Chapter One: The Lightning Thief. I'm your co-host, on loan from the Hunters of Artemis, Darien Smartt. Joining me is my co-host and brother, hailing from Cabin 12, DJ.
DJ: That's me. Dionysus is my daddy.
Darien: Yes, I'm sure our Baptist preacher dad will love that very much.
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: Yes, today we are kicking off the podcast official by talking about the very first book
The Lightning Thief. Which was almost called Son of the Sea God. I think Lightning Thief is a better name.
DJ: Yeah, because that would have just given away one of the good- Okay, I mean, like it's pretty easy to tell that he was the son of the sea god pretty much the moment he showed up on cam. But it was still a fun surprise.
Darien: It was a fun surprise. And also, Lightning Thief is just a better name.
DJ: Oh yeah. It's more, I mean, like, it's more about the fact that there was a lightning thief rather than the son of the sea god which is kind of shocking. [Laughter] Being the first book and he is the son of the sea god.
Darien: Well, I read the book on this lovely 10th anniversary Barnes and Noble’s collector’s edition. Which I don't actually remember going out to buy. I think I must have been buying a new Shadowhunter book and this just happened to be on display. And I was like, “Oh yeah, my paperback version is literally falling apart. I might as well grab this.”
DJ: That’s fair.
Darien: It's pretty cool. It's got the cool cover. I don't think there's any actual edits to the text. Not that I-
DJ: I doubt there would be. I mean like, it's been- It was a pretty solid read back in 2010
Darien: I think it came out in like 2005. You probably read it in like 2010.
DJ: Yeah, I probably read 2009, 2010.
Darien: No, true. And I will say: This still holds up. I really enjoyed rereading this. Even though I am, in fact, 26 years old now.
DJ: I'm 21! And I, I mean, I listened to it through Audible. And I was wrong. It wasn't Jesse Eisenberg. It was Jesse Bernstein who's got-
Darien: We don't know that guy at all!
DJ: Yeah, right? He's got he's got a questionable repertoire- Fucking resume-
Darien: Resume!
[Laughter]
DJ: So, but, I mean the guy did a pretty good job. There's a lot of like voices that I questioned, but you know. I mean, I enjoyed listening to it because, fuck it's a good read. It's a good listen, you know?
Darien: It is! So, yeah. I forgot that it has this weird framing device right at the beginning where Percy's like, “Listen, this shit is real.”
DJ: Oh, yeah! That!
Darien: “ And also I kind of hate my life. And also if this feels familiar, you should just stop reading.”
DJ: Yeah, I totally forgot about that too. Like, when that started I'm like…
Darien: Yeah. It's a, it's a weird tone to set up. Especially this line: “Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time it gets you killed in painful nasty ways.” And I was just kind of taken aback for a second. I'm like, “Oh right, the premise of this whole thing is like, no this actually happens.” And I think the ongoing idea is that Percy gives this story to, like, I don't know if he's Rick Riordan in the book, but he hands it to an author and that he has published
this as, like, a memoir for Percy.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: Which I definitely was like, “This is weird.” But it kind of dawned on me that, like, is it
supposed to make it feel more real? Kind of like when the Greeks were sitting around and like telling these myths to each other?
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: The concept was like, “No, no, but this really did happen! Hephaestus really did create a golden net and capture Ares and Aphrodite and like embarrass the hell out of them. And it
was like a great Saturday for everybody except those two.” And everyone is like, “Yeah, this is legit.” So I guess.
DJ: It was a little jarring. Especially, like, after reading, you know, Heroes of Olympus, from
the third-person, flopping between every cast. Going back to first-person.
Darien: Yeah.
DJ: Even though, like, yeah, we did Magnus Chase, but Magnus Chase wasn't, like, wasn't that! You know?
Darien: He's a bit more refined.
DJ: Yeah, oh yeah, it is. I mean, that's his
most recent series aside from Apollo.
Darien: Trials of Apollo, yeah. By and large, like, being a kid's book from the first-person can get really annoying. If you've, like, you know, read Goosebumps or any of those, like, “I'm a kid detective! I'm going to save the day!” Like, that can get really grating-
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: Especially when you're adults now. But I think this one actually feels, I don't know like he tapers it-
DJ: He does a pretty good job.
Darien: Never comes off as being grating. Like, Percy talks like a kid-
DJ: But the shit he's going through is definitely not something for a kid.
Darien: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially- We should probably get in the plot a little bit more! We open at what should be a pretty solid field trip. But it sounds like Percy's class kind of sucks, so that's a little draining.
DJ: I mean, yeah, museums are great.
Darien: Museums are great!
DJ: They were always fun.
Darien: I love going on museum field trips.
DJ: Well, you got this, ah, I don't even remember her name. She was so unimportant. The bitch, she was just picking
on Grover.
Darien: Yeah! I have it right here.
DJ: Yeah you got the book right there. [Laughter]
Darien: Nancy Nancy Bobafit. Who definitely was Boba Fett in my head.
DJ: Bobafit. Because Jesse Bernstein pronounced it as Bobafit.
Darien: Bobafit!
DJ: Oh well, Bobafit.
Darien: Bobafit. Okay, so to clarify they went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Manhattan because Percy's from New York. The most important takeaway is that Percy's math teacher, Mrs. Dobbs, tries to murder him. Because she's actually a Fury.
DJ: Yep. Yep.
Darien: And then his Latin teacher, Mr. Burner, rolls up in his wheelchair and tosses Percy a sword that was once a pen. And then he kills his math teacher and then when he leaves the museum again, everybody just gaslights him!
DJ: Yeah. Everyone's like, "I hope Mrs..." What? What was it like Kerr? "Took care of you."
Darien: Yeah.
DJ: I know it started with a ‘C.’
Darien: It describes her as like, perky, blonde, and, like, really friendly.
DJ: Yeah. Grover and Chiron totally fucking gaslight Percy throughout the whole first two chapters.
Darien: Like, "What? No!" Later on you get that, like, because the whole premise is like...
DJ: Like, yeah, yeah, but, like, it was really obvious
Grover was doing it.
Darien: Yeah, yeah. I guess we didn't- I mean, I think we're operating under the assumption that like if you're listening to this podcast you've probably read these books. If you're not and if you're just joining us now, Percy's best friend is a scrawny kid named Grover, who is kind of weird and kind of walks with a limp. And his Latin teacher- Okay, so, as Davis has already said, his Latin teacher is actually Chiron the centaur, who trains heroes. Why is the Greek centaur teaching Latin?
DJ: He probably couldn't get the curriculum of Greek.
Darien: [Laughter]
DJ: Like, let's be real here. He had to convince the Latin teacher to get out of his spot so he could take it, right? It's like, I mean, that's already one change that the school had to go through. It's like, "Yeah I'm changing the curriculum to Greek, too." And they're all like-
Darien: That's a little too much.
DJ: "Why? Who the fuck uses Greek nowadays?"
Darien: Who the hell uses Latin unless you're gonna, like, run a Harry Potter podcast and be able to, like, know what all the spells mean? You don't need Latin. It's not super
helpful.
DJ: Yeah, but like Latin is more common. From schools I've seen, Latin is just an elective. Like, Latin is just a common elective. But Greek is not.
Darien: Okay, I want to real quick clarify: Latin is not useless. I'm sure there are a lot of academic and career fields in which if you took Latin it'll be incredibly
beneficial.
DJ: Ah, yeah, science.
Darien: I mean like, you, but if you're 12-
DJ: Biology.
[Laughter]
Darien: Like biology. But if you're 12. I mean if you're 12. Like Percy, who is, he’s 12 years old. Has he turned 12?
DJ: Yeah, he's 12.
Darien: Okay.
DJ: He's 12, turning 13 in the summer.
Darien: Because Grover was all distressed because he says that, he's like, "Oh, they never make it past 12!"
DJ: Yeah, no they never make it past sixth grade.
Darien: That's right sixth grade. Okay. Percy's birthday becomes a thing later. But in the first book it's not, because we don't know about the prophecy yet.
DJ: August 18th. Which is shocking for a son of Poseidon. Anyway.
Darien: Yeah.
DJ: You'd think it'd be, like, maybe June is cancer, or February and March, which is or Pisces and Aquarius.
Darien: Eh, that's summer time.
DJ: August 18. I think that's like Leo. No, that's- I don't know.
Darien: I know tarot. I don't know the zodiac.
DJ: Yeah, right? [Laughter]
Darien: Let's smash cut through this as quick as possible so we can actually get the fun parts. Because as we discussed there's way more before he actually gets to Camp Half-Blood.
DJ: When I was reading it, I thought it just went from the museum to camp.
Darien: No, there's, like, a bunch of stuff in the middle.
DJ: Yeah. I didn't realize that there was all this, like, covert ops Percy was doing, eaves dropping in on fucking Chiron and Grover.
Darien: Yeah, yeah. So, Percy's trying to study- So, he's dyslexic and he has ADHD, so it's really hard for him to focus. He's not super great at traditional schooling. So, Percy's been labeled a bad kid. He never actually makes it to the end of a school year before he gets expelled or just politely asked not to return. And so that's why he's at this kind of- I mean, the school is, like, fine. It seems like it's a dumping ground for, like, rich parents who have "problematic" kids and they just send them to this Yancey Academy.
DJ: Oh, yeah. I think he even describes it like that, too. [Laughter] So, it's like not really much of a school. More, more of a daycare.
Darien: Probably, yeah.
DJ: Than anything else. Just a daycare with a sleepover.
Darien: Percy is actually trying to study for his Latin test because he likes Mr. Burner, his teacher. He's been told by his teacher that, like, this stuff will save your life one
day. And he's like, "What?"
DJ: Honestly, he's probably sneaking Greek in there.
Darien: Oh, he is! Because-
DJ: Like, let's be honest.
Darien: He teaches Greek and Roman which you wouldn't usually learn. And again I didn't actually take a Latin class, so I don't know whether they cover Greek stuff. But Chiron is just straight up teaching him the Greek legends. Whereas you think he'd be teaching the Roman versions, but obviously.
DJ: Because that's what Latin is. But he's like, "Oh yeah don't worry it's Latin." And no one, like, really knows Latin.
Darien: These 12-year-olds aren't going to question it.
DJ: Well, I mean, like, even the teachers are like, "Yeah, yeah that's Latin." Meanwhile, he's completely teaching them a Greek curriculum.
Darien: He's got, like, Roman armor and stuff that, Percy says. But, okay, so, anyway, so Percy's trying to study for this, like, final. And he's like, "I am having such a hard time. I'm just gonna go and talk to Mr. Burner and be like, ‘Hey I'm trying.’ When he has to give me an F, I want him to know that at least I tried. And I didn't just, like, fuck off.”
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: But when he goes to try to talk to his teacher he overhears Grover already in the classroom and they're talking about Percy! And how there was a quote-unquote Kindly One that was at the school. And what are we gonna do? And no we can't tell Percy yet! And so Percy, like, dips just in time to see like a scary large shadow of someone-
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: With a bow and arrow start to come to the door.
DJ: And what sounds like hooves going down the hall.
Darien: Yeah. So, nobody brings it up. School's over. He's asked not to return. Okay. This is fine. And he goes back home to New York and Grover takes the bus with him. Percy's like, "Okay, this is weird. I didn't know you lived in Manhattan. Cool, man." And then the bus breaks down! And while they're waiting for the bus driver to fix it, Percy looks across the street and sees three old ladies sitting at a fruit stand knitting just the biggest pair of socks you- Or, I think a single sock. Just one sock. Big enough for Sasquatch or Godzilla. Which, Percy! Those are two completely different sizes.
DJ: Completely different sizes, first off.
Darien: Totally different. Sasquatch is, like, a size 25 and Godzilla would be, like, a size 3 000. So. Perse, I need you to just- What are you doing?
DJ: Yeah. [Laughter]
Darien: I know you will know Greek stuff.
DJ: He's 12.
Darien: No! You're 12, and you know that Sasquatch and Godzilla are not the same size! Like, how big is this sock, Perse?
DJ: Let's be real here. For me, at 12 years old, I'm, like, after size fucking 15 everything is just giant. [Laughter]
Darien: So, while he's watching- And Grover sees the old ladies and starts to panic a little bit, while Percy is watching them knit. He watches as one of them brings out
a pair of scissors and cuts the yarn. And it's kind of weird. Just really, like, weirdly intense for snipping some yarn.
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: Obviously, as we'll figure out later that these are the Fates. You see them cut the thread of what might be your life, that's probably a bad thing.
DJ: No, it's not great. And that's when Percy, or not Percy, Grover really starts to freak out. It's, like, it's always sixth grade. They never make it past!
Darien: Percy's like, "Cool, man, I'm in sixth grade."
DJ: Yeah, what are you talking about? That's me! That's me! What the fuck?
Darien: "I'm just gonna go ahead and ditch you at the bus stop and just dip back to my apartment and hopefully see my mom. Because I don't want to deal with all of this anymore." So, Percy goes to his apartment and we find out that he's got, like, just a real shitty step-dad.
DJ: Just a real piece of work of that fucking dude.
Darien: Gabe.
DJ: I like how just immediately out of the gate it's like, yeah, you're not supposed to like this guy. Absolutely not there's no you you're not supposed to like him at all. Do not even, like, try to sympathize with him. He's not getting a redemption arc. Just fucking, he's a piece of shit. Don't even worry about it.
Darien: He smells like moldy garlic pizza wrapped in gym shorts. Percy gets home, he's playing poker with his buddies. He demands Percy gives him whatever he has left from his, like, the bus fare.
DJ: Yeah. Bus and taxi fare.
Darien: He makes fun of Percy for getting bad grades and for getting kicked out of school. Which, like, dude, that's a 12-year-old! Like, what is your problem? He's 12!
DJ: Like, that was my, that was a big issue. I'm like, bro you're just tearing into a 12-year-old that's, like, barely yours.
Darien: Not even.
DJ: Not even.
Darien: His gambling buddies also suck because they, like, watch this kind of abuse take place. And then one guy half-heartedly is like, "Man he's just a kid." But it's like no. You're still hanging out with his asshole who you see regularly, like, verbally abuse his stepson. And, like, definitely has abused-
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: Sally in front of these dudes and they're still hanging out with this dude.
DJ: Oh, yeah.
Darien: So they, I'm not gonna- They all suck! If you're gonna sit by and let this kind of take place, like, you are complicit in this kind of shitty behavior. So then, Sally Jackson comes home. Who is a goddess! Not actual Greek goddess but, like-
DJ: Just like, she's incredible.
Darien: No, she's great.
DJ: Let's be real.
Darien: Let's get this straight. Sally, Percy's mom, is- She works at a candy store, I think in Grand Central Station. She had to drop out of college because her- Oh, her parents died in a plane crash when she was very young. She was saving up to go to school. I think her uncle got sick? I don't remember what exactly. But she, she wanted-
DJ: Something like that. She had a very unfortunate amount of unfortunate
Darien: Yeah. She's like a Baudelaire.
DJ: Just like, yeah, a Baudelaire.
Darien: Okay. So, yeah, a series of unfortunate events.
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: But she's such a kind person. She clearly loves her son even though Percy's, as he says, like, "I know I do not make life easy for my mom." He's, like, short-tempered, he gets in fights, he's kind of like anger issues. He's a nice kid, but, like, your dad's never been around. A bunch of weird things always happen to you.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: People never believe that like, "My math teacher turned into a winged beast and tried to murder me at the museum!" You're crazy. Like, "A snake snuck into my-
DJ: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Darien: A snake crawled into my bed-
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: “When I was a baby at daycare. And then I Hercules-strangled it!” And I was like, "That's that's not a thing." But Sally is wonderful. We see more about how Gabe sucks. While she is just trying to have a moment with her son and he's like, "Hey! How about some bean dip?" And it's like, fuck you, you jackass. She hasn't seen her kid since, like, Christmas.
DJ: Yeah. It's, like, that's easily six months. Like just piss off for a second. Like, five minutes at least! Or, like, you know, the rest of your life.
Darien: [Laughter] So, like, Percy's really sweet. He's like, "My mom is the nicest lady in the world. She should have been married to some millionaire, not some jerk like Gabe." Which, like, yeah, but this happens all the time.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: Sally's like, "Percy, just be chill with Gabe. Don't get in a fight with him for, like, 10 minutes. And as soon as we're done packing, we're going to the beach.
DJ: Oh, we're going to the beach!
Darien: It's, like, their favorite place in the world because, of course. Like, they love going to the beach.
DJ: Montauk.
Darien: Montauk! Thank you, DJ. Yeah, Percy's pretty sure that's where Sally met Percy's dad. Who he has never met. He doesn't know anything about him. Sally doesn't like to talk about him. She just says he had to go away to sea and just never returned. And Percy's like, "Okay, well, fuck I guess."
DJ: Fuck, alright.
Darien: Alright. Fine. So, they dip out. They go to the beach. It's a great time. They're eating all this blue food. Which I- Okay, so, here's the thing about the blue food. Which I do love. It's super charming. It's like this thing where they eat blue corn chips and blue candy and she'll make-
DJ: I'm super into it. I gotta say.
Darien: Yeah. Yeah, it's super cute. Like, Sally will make Percy like blue pancakes for breakfast on his birthday, all these nice things. I thought that that was, like, a thing from Percy and Sally. Where it was like, when Percy was a little kid he's like, 'Why aren't there any like blue foods?" And Sally's was like, "My boy, I got you!" it's actually Gabe being an asshole!
DJ: Really?
Darien: Yeah! Yeah, I, like, wrote that down because I was so taken aback. What it actually is like Gabe and her got in an argument- Here it is. "I guess I should explain the blue food. See, Gabe had once told my mom there's no such thing. They had this fight, which seemed a really small thing at the time. But ever since my mom went out of her way to eat blue. She baked blue birthday cake, she makes blueberry smoothies, she bought blue corn tortilla chips, and brought home blue candy from the shop. This along with keeping her maiden name Jackson-"
DJ: Okay. [Laughter] I, when I was listening, I kind of spaced out for that small bit, and came back when he's like, “kept her last name.”
Darien: Yeah.
DJ: Okay, cool.
Darien: So, yeah. So, she did- It's like, "proof she wasn't totally suckered by Gabe. She did have a rebellious streak like me." And so that's really sweet.
DJ: Okay. I'm not, I'm not gonna try to defend Gabe here because he's, he's a piece of shit. But do you think the argument might have sparked because there's no natural blue foods?
Darien: Probably that.
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: But are we going to get into semantics over food color?
DJ: Yeah, right? [Laughter]
Darien: Fine, be a dick about it. I feel like later on it gets retconned so it's more of a Sally Percy thing, right?
DJ: I mean, at this point it is like a Sally Percy thing because Gabe.
Darien: Well, yeah.
DJ: Gabe probably refuses to eat that kind of shit because of that argument.
Darien: Probably. So, all's chill and then suddenly there’s a hurricane! Which is weird, because it's, like, June and that's not hurricane season.
DJ: And it came out of nowhere!
Darien: Came out of nowhere! But as Percy mentioned earlier, the weather's been really weird since Christmas, y'all. Like, I don't know what's up with that but it's just been weird.
DJ: Like, there's just been a weird vibe since Christmas.
Darien: And then suddenly there's a pounding at their cabin door. And, oh shit, it's Grover! Grover, what are you doing here?
DJ: We gotta go! [Laughter]
Darien: Yeah, he's like, "We gotta go!" And Sally looks at her son like, "Hey, Perse. What happened at school that you didn't tell me about?" Because some shit happened and he didn't tell his mom about the Fury thing. Which, fair. But also, Sally Jackson needs to know this kind of shit.
DJ: Oh yeah.
Darien: So also, Grover's a satyr.
DJ: But, I mean, like, let's be real here. Percy probably would have believed that his mom wouldn't believe it. You know?
Darien: Which, oh yeah.
DJ: Which is fair because no one fucking believed him!
Darien: But I think the reason he doesn't tell her is not necessarily because he doesn't think that he's going- That she won't believe him. I think it's more like he just wants to have this normal moment with his mom for a little bit.
DJ: Oh, probably.
Darien: I imagine whenever he's told her these weird things, I don't think she's ever straight up gaslit him like Grover and Chrion were doing.
DJ: Yeah. [Laughter]
Darien: Oh! And also, oh! So, before Grover shows up Percy has one of his first, like, weird psychic dreams. It's about a white horse and a golden eagle on a beach trying to kill each other.
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: Percy's like, "I have to stop them!" And then he just has the same dream, like, four more times but with different characters. Like-
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: You're just remixing the myth again and again to, like, get your point across!
DJ: Yeah and then, like, every now and again somebody will talk to him from the earth.
Darien: Yeah, and it just kind of accelerates from there because, hey it's great! You're going to write about Greeks and you need to use that whole dream plot device.
DJ: Thing. It's kind of important!
Darien: Yeah, it's super convenient for, like, getting across your themes!
DJ: Alright, yeah, that's what I like- That's what I'm, like, seeing. I'm like, "Man, without these dreams the story would be practically fucking confusing!"
Darien: Really confusing! The dreams actually do help. So, Grover shows up. Twist! He's a satyr. He's got cloven hooves! They jump in the car, they speed away. Sally is trying to get them to some summer camp that Percy's dad wanted to send him. But she didn't want him to go there because if he did she'd probably never get to see him. And they're being chased by something. DJ, do you want to reveal what they are being chased by?
DJ: The Minotaur!
Darien: It's the Minotarur!
DJ: The Minotaur from THE Labyrinth, that was murdered by- I don't remember the guy's name.
Darien: We'll talk about it in the Minotaur episode. I don't remember either. Oh! But Percy does! I think he mentions it here.
DJ: Theseus!
Darien: There it is! Well done. So they get out, they reach this hill. Sally's telling Percy get over the hill. As soon as you pass that pine tree on top of the hill you'll be safe. Percy's like, "Okay, let's go!" She's like, "I cannot cross the boundary."
DJ: Percy's like, "That's bullshit!"
Darien: Yeah. Percy's like, "What the hell?" Sally's like, "I can't. You have to go!" And the Minotaur is there. And it's big and beefy and wearing Fruit of the Loom tighty whities. Which is a visual!
DJ: Yeah! That's what they say.
Darien: That's an image!
DJ: That's what they say!
[Laughter]
Darien: At least there's tighty- At least he's wearing something. I guess. Grover's gotten hurt because the Minotaur threw something at the car? The car exploded! Everybody got out, but Grover's injured. He's half- he's mostly unconscious.
DJ: And he's just constantly whining for food. But we don't have any tin cans for the guy.
Darien: Sally is trying to distract the Minotaur so Percy and Grover can make it over the hill. But Percy turns around just in time to see the Minotaur grab his mother by the throat and, like, choking her. And all of a sudden, she just dissolves into golden light.
DJ: And then Percy goes off! [Laughter] He gets mad.
Darien: Percy goes off. Yeah. He starts going straight up bullfighter. Gets out his jacket like, "Come on, let's go!" Minotaur runs at him. Percy somehow has these amazing, like, Spider-Man reflexes. Just kind of backflips over the Minotaur. Breaks one of its horns off by accident. When the Minotaur charges at him again, he's able to stab it in the gut.
DJ: I don't know if it was by accident. Like it was pretty-
Darien: I mean, I don't think his goal was to break the horn off. I think he was trying to, like, hold on.
DJ: Well, it said that like he was already wrapped around if. He had just- But then he, like, started to pull! You know?
Darien: Yeah.
DJ: He started to pull with his jacket around the horn and that it just broke off. So, like, maybe it wasn't his goal. But his instincts was probably the intention.
Darien: You know, that's true. That's a fair point. So, they kill the Minotaur. Percy grabs onto Grover, drags him over, sees this camp, sees a big white house, and is just, like, okay. Passes out. He's done. Has more weird dreams. Wakes up a couple of times. There's this blonde girl feeding him something that tastes like buttered popcorn-
DJ: Some pudding.
Darien: He's starting to feel better. Some pudding that tastes like butter popcorn. Which I don't care for.
DJ: Yeah. Like, that's a weird to- Like, I don't like buttered popcorn jelly beans because of the texture. If you're feeding me pudding that tastes like buttered popcorn.
Darien: And I like buttered popcorn, yeah. So, Percy wakes up. He is at Camp Half-Blood. Which is that summer camp his dad wanted to send him, because, hey Percy, surprise! You're half Greek god. This is the camp where all these kids can go to because-
DJ: Your dad was a Greek god! Whoa!
Darien: We don't know which one. Five guesses, I suppose.
DJ: We're gonna, hopefully we're gonna figure it out. Who knows? Maybe you'll just end up in Cabin Eleven for the rest of your life!
Darien: Yeah, yeah. There are twelve cabins.
DJ: Which is so bullshit. Holy fuck.
Darien: So bullshit. We have- Let's talk about that. Okay, so, we're Camp Half-Blood now.
DJ: Which is when it starts to get good!
Darien: Yep. So, we run into Mr. Burner again. Twist! He's Chiron the satyr-
DJ: The centaur! [Laughter]
Darien: The centaur.
DJ: Trainer trainer of legends.
Darien: Trainer of legends. Trainer of heroes. The camp is run by Mr. D. Straight up Dionysus! Who is on probation because he got frisky with a nymph that was off limits.
DJ: Which I gotta say, Zeus is real petty about that. Did he, like, did he audibly call dibs? Cause I don't think he did. Let's be real. It's Zeus. He never calls dibs.
Darien: Here's the thing: I bet the nymph didn't want anything to do-
DJ: Oh, no! Absolutely not!
Darien: Either of them.
DJ: I’m just saying.
Darien: He was just being a petty bitch about it, yeah. So, Dionysus, Mr. D is not allowed to have any wine or alcohol
DJ: Yeah, you know.
Darien: So he just drinks Diet Coke.
DJ: Daddy Dionysus, the god of wine and partying, is not allowed to have wine or party.
Darien: No. He's like, "This sucks! I hate these children. But here I am." So there are- You show up and there are 12 cabins at the summer camp. And, like, three of them are not being used at all. Cause you've got Zeus's cabin, Hera's cabin, Poseidon's cabin.
DJ: Which, gotta say, kind of fuck that there's no Hades cabin. Really messed up!
Darien: So, you've got the 12 cabins- Well, it's the 12 Olympians, right? Everybody who has a throne on Mount Olympus-
DJ: Yeah, but they're like-
Darien: They're the ones who gets a cabin.
DJ: I would have at least made a cabin for each "big name" Greek. You know?
Darien: Well, the reason, I think, like as- Okay, let's run over who has cabins real quick. So, it's Zeus and Hera, Poseidon-
DJ: One, two, three.
Darien: And then Demeter, Artemis, Apollo, Hermes, Hephaestus, Dionysus… How many was that?
DJ: Not enough!
Darien: Who am I missing? Not enough! Who am I missing?
DJ: I'm gonna tell you here in, like, two seconds. So, we got Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Demeter, Ares, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Hephaestus, Hermes, Aphrodite, and Dionysus are the original 12 cabins.
Darien: There it is! Yep. So, they all have a cabin. Obviously, there's no one in the Hera cabin because she doesn't have kids.
DJ: She's the goddess of marriage and virtue so you know. She gotta!
Darien: There are nobody in the Zeus or Poseidon cabins, we learn, because after World War II — which was apparently just fought by the children of Zeus and Poseidon versus the children of Hades. So, like-
DJ: Adolf Hitler was a child of Hades! [Laughter]
Darien: Yeah! They straight up say that! So, all of Hades’ kids are Nazis and Fascists, apparently. Which is wild because that kind-
DJ: That gets thrown out the window, like, two books from now?
Darien: Kind of. But even- We'll deep dive into this more when we actually talk about Hades in his episode. Okay, so, big world war. And then the Big Three, Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, just said, "Alright, no more kids." That's why there's no one in the Zeus or Poseidon cabin. And then Hades doesn't have a cabin because they hate him so much that just the idea of having his cabin for his children to be welcome in Camp Half-Blood is, like, appalling.
When we do the Hades episode we will just talk exclusively about Hades and his role in Greek mythology and the interpretations we have of him now. We'll get all into that because I've got lots of opinions. Our guest does, too. it'll be great.
For the time being, you only get to go in a cabin when you've been claimed by your godly parent. Until that happens, you get to go hang out in Cabin Eleven, Hermes cabin. Because that's- Hermes is the god of travelers and all these things! So, why not? We'll just put all of these kids-
DJ: And then there's like-
Darien: All these kind of orphan kids!
DJ: There's like, that's like 20, 30 kids in one fucking rinky dink normal ass summer cabin. While everyone else has like a fun theme to their cabin. Like, you'd think that at least fix up Hermes cabin. But, no! It's just like some generic summer cabin with bunk beds and fucking.
Darien: I mean, I think they all have bunk beds.
DJ: They all have bunk beds! But it's all like- They're all also, like, made out of a different material. This one's, like, a rinky dink fucking wooden, splintered summer cabin. And like that's how we explained it pretty much.
Darien: Yeah. Oh! I was- Right- Artemis doesn't have anybody in her cabin either. Obviously. It's like Hera's cabin. It's, like, for honor. We don't know that it actually does get used because-
DJ: It says, like, yeah we didn't have one she'd throw a fit.
Darien: Oh yeah, we're worried about Artemis throwing a fit but like Hades is there or whatever. Which I don't think she'd give a damn. Like, "Whatever. Like, my girls will camp in the woods.
DJ: Literally.
Darien: But you should have one for me, because these are my girls.
DJ: They deserve some luxury. Even though my tents might be even fancier than your fucking cabin.
Darien: They super are.
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: Percy gets dropped in Hermes cabin but it's okay because he meets Luke! Who is, like, 19 years old and has been there forever and it's just, like, the coolest guy you've ever met. Like, when you're, like, a kid and you meet this college student who's just, like, nice to you and-
DJ: He just vibes, dude. Like, Luke literally just vibes.
Darien: Like, treats you like you're a human.
DJ: It's great!
Darien: Yeah.
DJ: The voice that the guy gave Luke was like, "Let's go bro!" [Laughter] The total fucking surfer dude bro voice.
Darien: [Laughter]
DJ: I'm like, I don't know if I would have done that for Luke but, like, let's go.
Darien: That's a choice.
[Laughter]
Darien: Percy also meets Annabeth, who is the blonde girl helping take care of him. Who was also asking him if she knew what was taken. If he knew what was going on.
DJ: And then the first thing he- she says to him when he was conscious was, "You drool in your sleep."
Darien: Oh yeah. That's, that's Annabeth. She, that's a power move.
DJ: That's an absolute power move.
Darien: Yeah, yeah. She knows this guy's important. Like, she can tell.
DJ: Because, I mean, Grover found him. Let's be real here!
Darien: Chiron is clearly like-
DJ: Like, Chiron came and scouted him out personally. So, yeah he's, he's important. He's like, "Yeah you're gross, dude."
Darien: Yeah he has to be put in your place. Like, just for the record. Which I respect. Percy's got a bit of an ego.
DJ: Oh yeah. For sure.
Darien: Another character we meet is Clarisse.
DJ: Oh, Clarisse.
Darien: Hello, Clarisse. Who is very quickly introduced as a daughter of Ares.
DJ: And she's big. She's a big, burly, built like a brick shithouse girl.
Darien: Oh yeah. Yeah, she'll fuck your shit up. Like, she's the daughter Ares. She has war in her blood. She knows what she's about. I do respect that. But she's also kind of a bully, and I don't care for that shit.
DJ: [Laughter] Yeah.
Darien: So her and her siblings from Ares cabin grab Percy and they're like, “Oh if you're a newbo- You're new blood, we've got-
DJ: Initiation!
Darien: Initiation. Which I'm like, do we just let this happen?
DJ: Well, I mean, let's be real here. Annabeth was going in to help him, but Percy’s like, “No I gotta do this.”
Darien: Also, Annabeth is like, “It's initiation. Bye.” Who, Annabeth has been there since she was, like, seven. Like, she's been there forever!
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: They're gonna give Percy a swirly. He's like, “I'm not doing this today. Like, we're not doing this today.”
DJ: Like, listen I've had a- He's like, “I've had a rough day. I watched my mom die.”
Darien: My mom died!
DJ: My best friend got knocked the fuck out! He's a satyr! Did you guys know- Did you know Grover was a fucking satyr? I didn't!
Darien: [Laughter]
DJ: I do not want my head in a toilet right now. And then the pipes burst.
Darien: And then the pipes just happened to burst. And everybody gets soaked, except for Percy.
DJ: Except like a three-foot diameter around Percy.
Darien: And we're all standing around wondering, “Now who could Percy's dad be? I just-“
DJ: Who knows? Control over water?
Darien: Like Annabeth's smart and she knows.
DJ: Like, she starts to piece it together right then.
Darien: Yeah. And Chiron-
DJ: And she doesn’t, she doesn't know for certain because, honestly, like, there's different gods that could probably control water. Like, there's different ocean gods, too.
Darien: And it's, so, he could even be like maybe he was a child of Hephaestus. Who controlled the pipes themselves and the tech in that.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: Maybe it was- it could be anyone.
DJ: But it's like a dry around, you know it's the-
Darien: Yeah, that's the thing. I'm sure Chiron knew, too. Sally knew. But, like, it's one of those
things where it doesn't matter if they know and they tell Percy like, “We know for a fact!” Because if your godly parent does not claim you, it does not matter.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: As we can tell, like, from the dozen or so kids in Hermes.
DJ: That sucks! And I, I know. It sucks. But I guess, like, it's also, like, how many Greek gods are there, really?
Darien: Lots!
DJ: They don’t have a cabin.
Darien: No and that's, that's bullshit.
DJ: So, it's like they probably like, “Even if I claim them, where the fuck are they gonna go?”
Darien: And that's still vastly irresponsible. We can all agree to that.
DJ: Oh yeah. No. 100 percent. Like, it's not even a fucking thing.
Darien: So yeah. What I like about this is, like, kind of right off the bat, just the situation at the Hermes cabin lets you know that like the Greek gods aren't really great people. Like, because Percy talks about all these kids who look sad and angry and how this cabin is so, like, overcrowded. And all these kids are, like, waiting for a phone call that will never come. Like, you instantly get the gists that, like, yeah these are gods-
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: But, like, they suck though. Like, what are we doing?
DJ: And that was the start of the slow, but pretty fucking strong trip of Percy becoming jaded-
Darien: Oh, yeah, jaded.
DJ: About the Greek gods. That's the start here he was like, wow. Like, they're gods. Don't you think they'd have time?
Darien: Like, you have nothing with time! You're immortal!
DJ: Yeah, literally!
Darien: Send a fucking postcard!
DJ: That thing you gotta do right now can wait maybe five seconds. Be like, “Yeah that's my child. Anyway!”
Darien: Anyway!
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: So, but it's okay for Percy because he does not have to wait long to be claimed. He has a great time at camp. Makes friends, learns sword fighting from Luke, hangs out with Annabeth. Like, things are going great. Percy is actually having fun for the first time in his life! Except for the weird dreams and the fact that his mom died.
DJ: Yeah. And he's like, “Wow, this is feeling like a family.”
Darien: Yep! And then capture the flag!
DJ: Capture the flag!
Darien: It's murder games!
DJ: Woo! It's time for to not maim anyone, but I'm gonna fucking tear someone's nose off!
Darien: Yeah! So, they play capture the flag. It’s various cabins against each other.
DJ: Mainly Athena versus Ares.
Darien: Athena versus Ares. They currently have the flag. Hermes cabin is siding with Athena which means Annabeth is leading the charge. Percy is set on guard duty and he's like, okay. And then Clarisse-
DJ: Well this sucks.
Darien: Yeah. And then Clarisse and her cronies show up. And they’re like, “We're gonna kick your ass because you embarrassed us! And we're the kids of Ares and you don't get to do that!” Wait for it, y'all. So they get in a fight, and then um Percy's about to kind of get murdered a little bit. Like, maybe? I don't think they really were going to kill him, but they were probably going to beat him to unconsciousness.
DJ: They were, they're going to like, break a couple bones. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe his femur. You know?
Darien: But you know, we've got nectar and ambrosia! He's going to be fine.
DJ: We'll beat him within an inch of his life, but everything will heal him.
Darien: But just an inch, yeah.
DJ: So we can do it again.
Darien: Yeah! It's not, yeah. But then, he calls upon the power of the creek and just annihilates these bitches. Because when Percy-
DJ: Heals his wounds! He gets a strange fucking power surge because, you know, water-
Darien: Water, yeah!
DJ: And then his reflexes get fucking tenfold and then he just destroys them. And everyone's like, “What the? Like, how did you do that?” [Laughter]
Darien: Yeah, just in time for Luke to run across with the flag. And then everybody gathers around and sees…
DJ: The fucking, them the blessing of Poseidon just over his head. Which is like a sea green trident glowing. And everyone's like, “Holy shit!” And he's like, “What the fuck?”
Darien: All hail son of the sea god.
DJ: And everyone bows to him.
Darien: Then he's immediately attacked by a hellhound. Which, here's a fun fact, monsters like that aren't supposed to get into camp because it's protected.
DJ: No! And Chiron even says that. And he's like, “Unless someone summoned it here.” And he's eyeing everyone.
Darien: So he's like Percy's not safe. Alright, Percy gets a quest. So Percy goes up to the Big House, big cabin, goes upstairs, there's a mummy. Psych! She's the Oracle of Delphi. That's creepy but we move past that. He gets a quest- Or he gets a prophecy, which means he now has a quest.
DJ: Well, he gets a quest then he goes up there to get a prophecy. You shall go west and face the god who has turned. You shall find what was stolen and see it safely returned. You shall be betrayed by the one who calls you a friend. And you shall fail to save what matters most in the end.
Darien: Okay, so the thing about that is, like, no one's been able to go on a quest in several years because Luke went on his quest and got his ass kicked by a dragon. He succeeded but, like, got hurt pretty bad. That's why he's got like this nasty scar. Which, like, probably still hot.
DJ: Yeah! [Laughter]
Darien: Defining characteristic: villain scar. Weird. To clarify when I said probably still hot, I don't mean probably still hot in spite of the scar. I mean scar, probably hot.
DJ: Yeah, no, I mean, I gotcha. [Laughter]
Darien: So, he finds out that someone has stolen Zeus's powerful lightning bolts. His master bolt!
DJ: Yep.
Darien: Made by the cyclops so Zeus could go kick the Titan's asses way back in forever.
DJ: A weapon that makes the nuclear bomb we dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki look like a fucking wind.
Darien: Yeah, not great. So we gotta get that back. Who stole it? We don't know. But, like, everyone is just suspecting Hades because…
DJ: Hades.
Darien: Because Hades. Everyone just hates him on principle. So, it's like, well, you got to go to LA because, obviously. Oh! I suppose we should talk about the whole Western Civilization concept. Where the gods have followed the fire of Western Civilization since the Greeks.
DJ: Yeah. They just go wherever is the strongest- Pretty much the strongest power at the moment.
Darien: Which is, like, very Eurocentric-
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: And I do not care for it.
DJ: I'm pretty sure neither does Rick Riordan at this point.
Darien: No, no, he has walked that shit back. Which, you grow. You, you're a writer. You grow, you learn you understand. Nothing but love for Uncle Rick.
DJ: Yeah, the gods are above the Empire State Building and Hades is in LA.
Darien: Is in LA.
DJ: Because of course.
Darien: Because of course! I've been, I've been to both and I will admit, I'd rather go to New York. [Laughter] Sorry, LA!
DJ: [Laughter] I haven't been to either, but even like just looking at everything, I'd rather go to New York!
[Laughter]
Darien: Percy gets a quest. You gotta go get the lightning bolt back from Hades and you gotta give it back to Zeus. Because Zeus thinks you stole it. Because your Poseidon’s kid and they weren't supposed to have kids you know so like, obviously. Percy's like, “Okay, I'll take this quest.”
Mostly because he's like, “Look the Underworld's real. My mom is there and I'm able to get her back. I don't give a fucking damn about my dad, who never sent us a child support check. I don't care about these gods and their petty bullshit because they just abandon their kids here. I don't care about the, Zeus's lightning bolt. I'm gonna do this so maybe I can get my mom.” Respect. I get it. Priorities. Priorities. These people have done nothing for you.
DJ: Yeah, let’s go.
Darien: It should be easy. Alright, you got to the summer solstice, which I think, at the beginning of the book is in two weeks at that point. That's, that's the deadline to get
the bolts back. Now it should be nothing. A flight from New York to LA? We can do that in a day. Unfortunately-
DJ: He's a son of Poseidon and, and Zeus is a fucking petty bitch.
Darien: Yeah, Zeus is a petty bitch.And if he goes in the sky which is Zeus's domain, he'll probably just straight up strike him down because he'll take it as a personal insult. Even though the gods they're not supposed to get directly involved with any of this stuff. Which is why Zeus just can't dip over to LA and be like, "My, my brother! What the fuck is this?"
DJ: Why'd you steal my light, my fucking lightning bolt?
Darien: And Hades can't be, "Bitch, get out of my house! I didn't steal shit!" But, no. They have to send heroes to do it because, again, because the Greek gods kind of suck.
DJ: Yeah, because they're just lazy pieces of shit they just want to watch mortals toil.
Darien: They do! Because they're, they're immortal and so this, this is their entertainment. Like, these are-
DJ: Pretty much. Just, like, reality TV for them that they can manipulate, you know? Like, when it's like, "Hey, text this number to vote on your person."
Darien: [Laughter] Yeah, it's Big Brother!
DJ: And they're just, like, watching and they're like, "Yes! Yes! I want that one to win!"
Darien: Yeah! Actually, super yeah! Percy goes with Grover and Annabeth. Who, Annabeth was not supposed to be in the room but she has this, like, magic Yankees cap from her mother. Oh! Annabeth's mom is Athena!
DJ: Yeah! [Laughter]
Darien: I have notes! I didn't even think to write that down just because!
DJ: Because at this point it's common knowledge! But, like, I guess it's not. Because some people are new to the series.
Darien: Yeah. So, Annabeth's mom is Athena. She's super smart. She wants to go on the quest because she's like, "Look, I've been here since I was seven. And I've learned all this stuff but you don't know if you're any good until you actually go to the outside world." The problem is Athena and Poseidon do not get along. They just, they just don't. They sided against each other, I think, during the Trojan War.
DJ: Well, like, even even before that when Athens was being built.
Darien: Athens was being built.
DJ: I believe that was the first one.
Darien: There's like a lot of personal slights.
Darien: Yeah. But, like, Annabeth really steers into that. So even though she wants to go on the quest, she's kind of like, meaner to-
DJ: I can't like you because my mom doesn't like your dad.
Darien: Yeah.
DJ: Well, that's bullshit. Why is the son paying for the atrocities of the father?
Darien: Which is like, a thing. But also, like, I guess in real life kids will do that. But it, it's annoying in the book when she does this. Like, I'm like, "Can we not?" She's smart! Like, why are we steering into this whole thing? And it, so, that's, that's a reoccurring thing in their relationship. Where every time they start to get along, or Percy, something happens, Annabeth is like harsher on Percy than the situation demands for, for like half the book.
DJ: Yeah. If Annabeth didn't volunteer, he probably would have chosen Luke.
Darien: Oh, yeah!
DJ: I'm gonna be real here.
Darien: He probably would pick Luke! Because he's like, "I can take two people, and I want to take two people. So, like, I guess I'll take Luke? He's cool, right? Like, Luke is cool.
DJ: He's been very nice to me! He's training me.
Darien: He trains me! He's smart. He's been on a quest before! Like, obviously, Luke is the best choice.
DJ: But Annabeth is like, "Oh, I already volunteered. It's fine."
Darien: Which, like, fair.
DJ: Which, like, is the best option.
Darien: Because part, she's already, she's also been helping Percy. Like, reading and, like, training these kind of things, like. So it's not like she hasn't done anything. They're kind of, like, friends but not quite yet. So they go on their quest. Grover- Oh, we probably should mention Grover is what's called a searcher. They're satyrs who are supposed to go out and find-
DJ: No, that's a keeper. He's not a searcher yet. He wants to be a searcher.
Darien: Searcher is the Pan thing! That's right. That's right. What, you said was a keeper?
DJ: Keeper.
Darien: Keeper. Okay, so that means they go out and they find demigods and help them get to Camp Half-Blood. Because half-bloods, they tend to get, like, attacked a lot by monsters.
DJ: Oh yeah.
Darien: It's a problem. Especially if they're super powerful. Like, if they're, one of their parents was, like, a major, like, top-tier god.
DJ: Maybe the son of the sea god. You know, who, I'm just saying, is incredibly powerful and unstoppable force that you just can't fuck with.
Darien: Or, or maybe the daughter of Zeus who was Grover's first assignment seven years ago. Who Hades personally sent the minions of hell after.
DJ: Oh yeah and eventually died and Zeus took pity on her and turned into a tree. Which is the big pine tree on the hill, yeah. Which protects the camp.
Darien: Yep. Thalia made her last stand to protect Grover and her friends make sure they could get to the camp. And as she was dying, Zeus turned her into pine tree. Which, like, okay?
DJ: It's a whole thing! [Laughter]
Darien: Yeah, yeah, I guess? Thanks Daddy Zeus?
DJ: At least now the camp's protected really well.
Darien: Yeah, her spirit it does help protect the camp and everybody in it. So, that's pretty great. But that's why Grover's like, "I understand if you don't want me to come with you because I did fuck up with Thalia."
DJ: Percy's like, "What are you talking about? You're my bro! Bros is for life!"
Darien: Percy's like, "Ride or die!"
DJ: [Laughter]
Darien: Because I have like three friends. And I know this means a lot to you, so you should come, too. Okay.
DJ: Who else am I supposed to take? Clarisse?
Darien: Clarisse?
DJ: Are you shitting me?
Darien: And none of the other kids at this camp have names yet, so. Yeah. Not even, like, I think we mentioned Dionysus has twins!
DJ: Yeah. They don't, we haven't gotten their names, I think.
Darien: Yeah, their names are Kastor and Pollux!
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: Which is not what you want to name your twin boys! For a lot of reasons. So ,they go on their quest, they hop a bus for the quest. It's like, okay, we can't take a plane. We've gotta get across the country. They take a bus and then immediately there are problems. Three old ladies got on the bus.
DJ: They look like Mrs. Dobbs.
Darien: All three Furies! And they want to kill Percy. They're demanding, "Where is it? Where is it?" It's a huge fight. Bus explodes! Everybody gets off, it's fine. Nobody's hurt. But, like, it's a thing.
DJ: People snap pictures of Percy.
Darien: Yeah, with his sword in the hand, which- Oh! The Mist! We haven't talked about the Mist! So, that's why when Mrs. Dobbs got, like, shish kebabbed at the museum and then Mrs. Kerr showed up, nobody, like, all the mortal kids legitimately did not remember Mrs. Dobbs. Percy could tell that Grover was lying-
DJ: Cause the Mist altered their memory.
Darien: Yeah. The Mist is this, like- The Mist is this great plot device.
DJ: It's a wonderful plot device!
Darien: Cause if you're wondering, like, how are there monsters and gods and demigods in this world, just around all the time actually but, like, normal humans don't see them? Well, they can't see them. Why? Cause the Mist! And it's like in the Iliad and the Odyssey? We will circle back to that when it comes up. Probably in Sea of Monsters.
When Percy pulls out a sword, they don't see the sword. They see, like, a gun or a baseball bat or something like that. They don't see the, the Kindly Ones, the Furies, as the Furies. They probably see them as, like, violent old ladies or maybe, like, dogs or big vultures.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: It's a whole thing. They're off the bus. They're trekking through the woods. They all, they lost all their stuff. They don't have their money, they don't have their supplies. They are kind of fucked. So, they find Auntie Em's Garden Emporium.
DJ: Yep.
Darien: Which is just this bunch of statues all over and they can smell burgers and Annabeth and Percy are starving. And Grover's like, "This place is weird. We shouldn't go here." But they ignore their satyr. And they go all in and they meet Auntie Em, who makes garden statues and that's weird. But she's nice and gives them food and she seems cool.
DJ: And they're really, they're really detailed. It's a, very nice.
Darien: And, and the faces are kind of horrifying.
DJ: The faces are, are, they're scared. They're terrified. They're always not correct, according to Auntie Em.
Darien: Yep, yep. And then, surprise bitches! It's actually Medusa!
DJ: Oh, big surprise!
Darien: Big surprise! If you want to have a story about the Greek gods, and your main character is going to be named Percy, you're gonna have Medusa.
DJ: Yeah, yeah.
Darien: They are able to fight Medusa. Don't look at her, obviously. The whole thing. Behead her. And they're like, "Okay, well, now we have a head." Because it's apparently a spoils of war. Because Perseus had the head of Medusa and was able to use that bad boy.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: So, they don't look at the head.
DJ: [Laughter] He takes the head and sends it to Mount Olympus!
Darien: Mm-hmm.
DJ: [Laughter] Like, for the gods. Pretty much, eat shit! Here you go.
Darien: So, they go camping in the woods. They find this poodle. Grover finds a poodle. Befriends the poodle, Gladiola.
DJ: Something like that.
Darien: Yeah, who is, like, this rich family's poodle and they're like, okay.
DJ: Like, "I don't want to go back. But I'll go back for you guys. Because you guys need the money and you seem tight." Which is super weird.
Darien: Weird.
DJ: That felt really out of place!
Darien: Yeah! Yeah, so, which, yeah, it's really interesting. A lot of, like, they encounter a lot of monsters or creatures in the book. And that, that feels very, like, random and sporadic. But towards the end I started to realize, oh no, like, every single thing that they did, everything they encountered, actually does drive the plot forward.
Like, okay, they would, like, yeah, they would have taken the bus but the Furies destroyed the bus. So because they did that, that's how they met Medusa. And that's how they get the head of Medusa. That's how things happen later. And so, all that works, except for the poodle thing!
DJ: The poodle thing is a, like, it comes out of nowhere and then just too much.
Darien: It's the one, like, deus machina thing that I'm, like, okay. Okay.
DJ: Like, honestly they could have, like, scrounged around Auntie Em's a little more. Like, she probably got a cash registered laying around.
Darien: Yeah!
DJ: Like, because this was a stone emporium that people bought shit at.
Darien: Yeah. Unless everybody’s using credit cards or checks.
DJ: She's gotta have a safe, right?
Darien: Anyway, they get on the train. They zip through. Annabeth- They're talking about, like, how you can't trust Hades. She describes him as, "deceitful, heartless, and greedy." Which, like, seems a little aggressive. But you shortly later find out that Annabeth was one of the kids who had been traveling with Thalia.
DJ: Yeah.
Darien: Who Hades is responsible for her death.
DJ: It was Annabeth, Thalia, Luke, and Grover.
Darien: And Grover. It was rough. But they stop on the train, they stop in St. Louis! To visit the arch! Because, being a child of Athena, Annabeth loves architecture. She wants to build-
DJ: They have a layover. They didn't stop specifically for that.
Darien: No, she makes them get off.
DJ: Oh! Okay.
Darien: Yeah, it was, it was a stop in St. Louis.
DJ: I thought it was a layover.
Darien: It's a train!
DJ: [Laughter] Listen, man! I don't know train schedules! Like, there's different tracks!
Darien: So, they, they get off, they check out the arch, and of course, they're attacked by a monster! But not just any monster. They're attacked by the Chimera and the mother of monsters, Echidna.
DJ: Which, she hates the, she hates the, the little mammal in Australia.
Darien: Yeah, she takes it personally.
DJ: Fucking hates it. She does.
Darien: Wonder what she thinks about, like, the Sonic franchise. [Laughter]
DJ: I mean, honestly? I think she'd be into it.
Darien: Yeah?
DJ: I like that echidna.
Darien: Okay.
DJ: Guy's cool. He's strong!
Darien: So, in order to get away, because the Chimera has, like, stabbed Percy with his scorpion's tail. He's poisoned. He's dying. It's, it's the first time that Percy legitimately comes close to dying. Like, he realized, like, this is what it's actually like in this world. I'm, like, I don't know if I can survive this.
DJ: And then he jumps out into a river below.
Darien: Yep.
DJ: Because, he, but, like, this was a total gamble! Because he had no idea if his magic would work.
[Theme music plays]
Darien: Podcast of Poseidon is created, produced, and hosted by Darien and DJ Smartt. It's edited by Darien Smartt.
DJ: Our music is "Athens Festival" by Martin Haene. Our cover art is by Audrey Miller. Find them on Instagram @bombshellnutshell
Darien: Come hang out with us on Instagram and Twitter @poscastofposeidon. Find all of our episodes and episode transcripts at PodcastOfPoseidon.com
DJ: Thanks for listening!
[Theme music ends]