Season 2 Episode 15: Mindfulness toolbox during cancer and survivorship journeys

The final episode of Season 2 features Jessica Dietcher. Jessica is a fourth-grade teacher and a cervical cancer survivor. She is the happiest when teaching yoga, journaling, and creative hands-on projects. Jessica shares how these activities helped her navigate her diagnosis, treatment, and her recovery from cervical cancer just over two years ago. 



_
For more information on the Gynecologic Cancer Initiative, please visit https://gynecancerinitiative.ca/ or email us at info@gynecancerinitiative.ca 

Where to learn more about us: 

Twitter – @GCI_Cluster

Instagram – @gynecancerinitiative

Facebook – facebook.com/gynecancerinitiative

For more information on the Gynecologic Cancer Initiative, please visit https://gynecancerinitiative.ca/ or email us at info@gynecancerinitiative.ca 

Where to learn more about us:  
Twitter – @GCI_Cluster 
Instagram – @gynecancerinitiative 
Facebook – facebook.com/gynecancerinitiative
TikTok – @gci_gosh

Transcript

SPEAKERS 

Jessica, Stephanie, Nicole 

SUMMARY KEYWORDS 

Cervical cancer, people, survivorship, cancer survivor, gynecological cancers, oncology, British Columbia, podcast, cancer treatment, chemotherapy, side effects, mental health, support, family, fertility, cancer advocacy, awareness. 

Stephanie 

Thanks for listening to the GOSH podcast. GOSH stands for the Gynecologic Oncology Sharing Hub, an open space for real and evidence-based discussions on gynecologic cancers. We'll share the stories of gyne cancer patients and survivors and hear from researchers and clinicians who are working behind the scenes to improve the lives of people with gynecologic cancers. Our podcast is produced and recorded on traditional unceded territories of the Musqueam, Squamish, and Tsleil-Waututh Nations. It is produced by the Gynecologic Cancer Initiative, a province-wide initiative in British Columbia with a mission to accelerate transformative research and translational practice on the prevention, detection, treatment, and survivorship of gynecologic cancers. Hi, I'm Nicole Keay, and I'm Stephanie Lam and you're listening to the GOSH, podcast. 

Nicole 

Welcome back to the GOSH podcast! We are really excited today! We have Jessica Dietcher who is joining us on the show. Jessica's a grade 4 teacher in Vancouver, British Columbia. Her passions in the classroom are art and mindfulness. She holds a Master’s in the Intersectionalities of the Arts Curriculum and is currently completing another Master’s in Social and Emotional Learning both from the University of British Columbia. Jessica is the happiest when teaching yoga, journaling, and creative hands-on projects, which consequently are also activities that helped her through her diagnosis, treatment, and her recovery from cervical cancer just over two years ago. Jessica is also a teacher coach at her school supporting and collaborating with the staff around their professional initiatives. She excitedly looks forward to her new career position working at Simon Fraser University next year as a teacher advisor who will teach new teachers. Outside of the educational world, Jessica lives with her son Leo and her husband Brad. She is an avid traveler, serious coffee drinker, and fashion fanatic. Welcome to the GOSH podcast, Jessica! 

Jessica 

Thank you! Happy to be here.  

Nicole 

We are happy to have you! Are you excited to get back to travelling sometime in the near future?  

Jessica 

Oh my goodness! Absolutely! We throw all these wild places all the time about where we might go. It is good to dream again!

Nicole 

It is nice to dream again. I did a very quick trip last weekend to Calgary and getting on the plane was a little bit weird but also very exciting.  

Jessica 

Even Calgary! 

Nicole 

Yeah! 

All right! Well today we are here today to talk more about your cancer journey. So why don't you just kick us off by telling us more about your diagnosis with cervical cancer and you know what your treatment looked like. 

Jessica

Yeah, so I was diagnosed back in August 2019. So, I guess two and a half years ago now. I had just finished a year of maternity leave and so it was only a couple weeks before I supposed to go back to school in September. I just experienced a lot of heavy bleeding that was very unusual for me, and it was very unlike a period. I was actually supposed to be on a flight with my husband and son. And I was at the airport, and it was pretty traumatic. And we went or they went home, and I went to emergency. And the doctor there, the on-call doctor, literally took one look at me and said, “I think it's cancer”. And I didn't really believe him. I thought “No no, he got it wrong”. “No, I'm referring you to more appointments in the next couple days” (doctor said). The diagnosis, it's so intense. I'm so thankful that that doctor knew what he was looking at because he sent me in to BC Cancer. And I received a colposcopy. Even when they were doing that (colposcopy), they said “Your cervix is five times the size it should be”. They knew right away. My first question was “But I'm supposed to be going back to school.” They said “No, you are not.” It was more than a cancer diagnosis. Time as you know it stops.  

Nicole 

So, from your diagnosis through your treatment. What did that course of treatment look like for you?  

Jessica 

Yeah so, I was diagnosed with Stage 2B of cervical cancer and it was a pretty large tumour, large enough that they wouldn't remove it. 

So, I had to have radiation both internal radiation and external. So, I had 25 rounds of external radiation and then four sessions of internal. and then I also had five round of chemotherapy as well. That all took about a month and a half. Really from when I first saw and met my oncologists and they told me what the treatment plan was going to be until I was done. Yeah, but I know it took a lot longer than that to sort of heal and get back on my feet. But yeah, treatment itself was about a month and a half.  

Nicole

Since completing your treatment what has that survivorship journey looked like for you?

Jessica 

Oh, it is a roller coaster. It is like a roller coaster where there are these loops that come out of nowhere. I think anyone who is dealing with cancer anyone who is survivor of cancer. You never quite know when it's going to hit you and when you are reminded of treatment, reminded of when you first realized that your life was going to change. I mean survivorship I think it's very empowering as well. Me being a teacher, I really want to teach people about it, so I naturally tell people all the time. All of my students knew what was happening. I, in kid-friendly language, was definitely telling them what happened to me. I think part of it is also so I can try to educate people, especially girls around their periods and what’s not normal and when you should get checked. But also, because my cancer was cervical cancer that was caused by the strain which is HPV. That is so crucial for both girls and boys to know because they need to get a vaccine. I never had it. When I was young, it was just coming out and it was not mandatory. I remember my mom was having a conversation with me about the vaccine. But I think I was in college, and I was already having sex by that point. My mom kind of thought “I don't know if this is even worth it anymore”. We didn't really know much about it and that is part of health is that things evolve and then we know more. 

Nicole 

And now you're in that opportunity to help provide more education. 

Jessica 

Definitely! I think it was my chemotherapy doctor said to me “You have a great honor to tell your students about these.” I am so happy to share my journey with students, but I never thought I can actually be able to be a bit of an advocate for HPV vaccine. And also knowing what’s right and what’s wrong. I think for a lot of women e deal with so many so many health issues secretly or in the bathroom alone. There's a lot of things that happened down there that we don’t normally talk about. Time to break that all wide open. 

Nicole  

Yeah, and normalize those conversations more. How old is your son Leo? 

Jessica 

He is three and a half now. When I found out (about cancer diagnosis) he was a year old.  

Nicole 

How was that having to explain to your family and your friends that you are now facing this cancer journey? 

Jessica 

I have got my parents and my brother and they're so supportive. They were shocked obviously. I think they were more like “So, what is next? What can we do to help?”. And they definitely helped a lot with Leo. My brother drove me to a ton of appointments. And it was just before COVID. It was wild. This is like really like chest before COVID. It was wild. I literally was in cancer treatment and then I was back at school for three months and then COVID hit. So, the timing thankfully worked out for me that way that people like me come to appointments. My family, for them it was obviously devastating, but I was reassured by my doctors I would be OK. So, we felt like we were in good hands.  

My husband, unfortunately, he was the one I probably I didn't wanna tell. He lost his father to cancer a year before so two weeks before our son was born. And then he had also lost his mom to cancer eight years before that. Oh my goodness I still think about that moment when we were in the truck and I had to tell him. His thoughts were just a worst-case scenario. He was more you know “I can't believe this is happening again”. It was almost like it wasn't fair to him. That's so traumatic. I think someone who's going through it (about cancer) like we just go through it. We know we had to do things and we gotta go to the appointments. We just do what you gotta do. The person who's next to you, they are just witnessing, and they might be witnessing something good, but they might also be witnessing these really tragic events. I think just was so so hard on him.  

Nicole 

I can only imagine. So, what was your mental health throughout that that journey? And were there any coping strategies that you found were really helpful for you? 

Jessica 

Yeah, I am I'm thankful that I do a lot of work around mental health in my classroom. So, I did have a lot of tools, mindful tools, at my disposal. I was going to yoga a lot throughout treatment. I was journaling a lot to help me make sense of what was happening and any questions that I had with my doctors. That really was a beacon of light that journaling process just about everything that was happening to me. That really helped me make sense of things too. Because you can really really spiral when through all of that. So, journaling really helped. I feel so thankful because when I first heard my diagnosis, I reached out to close friends that night. I remember the first friend that I called. She just told me exactly what I needed to hear. She was just like “Jess, this is not the end. This is just going to be another challenge that you rise above. This is a story. This will be a part of your story that you will tell. This is not it. So, I'm not worried. You're getting through this. This is no problem.” And that really set like my path, my mental path, to just always keep that in mind like “This is just part of the story.It's not the end.” I'm very lucky to be able to say that. Good friends and a lot of support really helps that mental aspect of going through cancer treatment. 

Nicole 

Yeah absolutely! I think I was very similar to you when it came to the treatment phase. It almost became like a job. Like “OK. This is what I need to do I just need to get it done”. My mindset is there. I tried to stay active and set a routine. But it was afterwards that the mental health piece and the mental wellbeing really hit me and still as you mentioned it kind of just comes and goes. Did you find something similar? Was there a shift once you moved into that survivorship phase? 

Jessica 

Very much so! I think that's often the piece that people don't really talk about. I totally agree with you it's not so much the shift from your normal life. Going into treatment like you said it's kind of the next job you have to do. There are people always there caring for you whether it's your anesthesiologist or your oncologist or your chemotherapy doctor or the nurses. Whoever it is. Even all the friends that were driving to appointments there are always just people there helping to care for you. Obviously, my friends still care, and they would still pop on me all the time. But it was like a lot of that support just kind of ceased. And I found that I really missed my doctors. I really needed closure for that. I knew that was a huge move for me moving into survivorship. How do I close this chapter of being sort of done with the cancer agency and not seeing them so routine routinely? I remember I brought chocolates and cards for a lot of doctors and nurses. I had some big cries with them. Actually, the emergency doctor who saw me like at 3:00 AM when I came back from the airport. I dropped off a bottle of wine just at the emergency. I didn't really know who he was, but I just said like I recognize him, and I can describe him to you and they (about people at the emergency) figured out who it was. I actually met that doctor like a year ago and he was like “Oh yeah. I got the wine.” I was like “Honestly, I really think you saved my life. There's a lot of people that don't know what they're looking at.” So, I think moving into survivorship it really is how do you reconcile that part being over. Because it takes such a huge chunk of time and like you said it's the next job we have to do and what is our job afterwards. I think it's very different when you go back to work and your family now as a survivor. 

Nicole 

So now that you're in that is there anything you know side effect wise that you're still managing today? 

Jessica 

Yeah. There are a few things. I mean because I had external radiation around my cervical area you know other things get hit. Bladder and you know all of those things get hit. Now I have to deal with if I have to go to the bathroom, I really have to go. There is no holding it. 

So yeah, and that's you know something that I have to be sort of honest with people, especially my students. Because if I have to leave class and yeah, a group of 10-year-olds together. But they're understanding. It was so weird when I was going through treatment even a few months after, I would always make sure that I knew where the bathrooms were. So, I'd be like out downtown shopping, and I'd be like “Oh Nordstroms! They have a good bathroom. Make sure it is close.” You know across the grocery store I know (about bathroom) is unlocked. So weird. I still feel that way where I'm always assessing the situations of where I am outside to make sure a bathroom is close. Even though it's not so bad anymore but it definitely is still a side effect that I deal with.  

Then obviously like another huge one is that I'm no longer able to have children. And that was a very quick decision that had to be made immediately. There was no time to harvest eggs or do any of that. Obviously trading that for being healthy and living is never a decision that I regret. But it does definitely kind of mess with your mind a little bit. That’s taking away from you that decision. I have people who say “Well, you have one son”. And, of course, that's amazing and I think I'm so lucky that part worked out for me. It still doesn't negate the fact that I can't have anymore and just that choice was disrupted and taken away. So again, it's that rollercoaster. Every once in a while, I'll go through like a nature loop and I think “Oh man, that’s no longer”. Lots of my friends are having their second children or even third. And I think OK that's not happening for me and that's OK. But it's just something that I always have to be just reconciling with and often myself. You know if I remember talking with someone and they were saying like “Oh, aren't you over that yet? That's a while now.” God I just thought “No, I'll never”. I said just “Not that thought never goes away.” 

Nicole 

It really is a grieving process. It’s a loss of something that you no longer can have. It's a loss of what you thought your life might have been if having two or three were part of your plan. Then that that is gone now and you had no choice in that. The grieving process for that I feel is very challenging. 

Jessica 

It is. So, you can never be prepared for that. I think you're never prepared for cancer like you are never prepared for radiation. All these different bladder issues. But those seem like realistic things. You hear about those kinds of things. But often these really intense emotional pieces those are the things that I think you are always having to deal with on your own. And it never quite goes away. Even for my husband and I that's just something that's always in the back of our minds because like you said it kind of disrupted this plan you had for your future. And even though things have sort of worked out, it's still not what you had in mind. 

Nicole

I'm in similar situations, my friends are having kids. And you know social media. It's just always very present in your life. It just is constantly a little reminder that's like “Oh yes. there's that.” 

Is there anything that you wish you knew before you were diagnosed? 

Jessica 

I mean I didn't really know much about even cancer in general. My husband's parents that went through it, they weren't very open about what was happening. And that's OK you know. I think everyone just kind of goes through their journey how they goes through it. But I never really understood the loss of time that happens to you. It's so disruptive. It's not just you have cancer, but you have cancer and now you need these appointments. You know now you won't be doing this, and you will be doing this instead. There's a lot of things that you don't have control over. I think no one can ever really prepare. So, I don't know if there's anything that I could have known before I was diagnosed. I think it's just so chaotic. Like we had mentioned before, going back. So when you enter survivorship like how that is such a huge shift. I think that's what I wish I had maybe known little bit more about. Unfortunately, I guess I didn't think about that because I very sadly have had some unfortunate events with cancer with my husband's parents both passing away. So, I didn't know what survivorship looked like or could have been. 

Yeah. It's just I think that piece afterwards and that mindset afterwards. Because it's not like you're going back. You're not going back to normal life. You never will be. So, what does it look like for you after you've had all of these things happen to you?  And then you still must live with that constant reminder, constant voice in your head. 

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I go “I had cancer”. Like that's the first thought in my head even though it's been two and a half years. So, I think that's maybe the part I wish I had sort of known. Although how does someone tell you that I don't know. 

Nicole 

I don't know but through the podcast we talked about that a lot more. Because I felt like you can read on a website what it's like to go to the treatment and what side effects of chemo or radiation might be, but there wasn't a lot of emphasis or focus on what happens after. So I feel like myself and as you're explaining lots of other women we've talked to felt less prepared for that next step. Because we just weren’t aware and it wasn't really highlighted anywhere. 

Jessica 

Definitely. Well and because cervical cancer, if it's caught early, does have good recovery rates. Then it can be a lot of younger women that are surviving with having had it. There are probably a lot of survivorship stories. It's just they're not often publicized.  

Nicole 

It is that power of storytelling and sharing and that advocating we think is really important here. But everybody has to come to that naturally and then when it's comfortable for them to do so. 

Jessica 

Definitely. 

Nicole 

What advice would you give to those who have been diagnosed or have had cervical cancer based on your own experience?

Jessica  

I think that everyone sort of needs to have their toolbox. I use this with my students a lot too. What are the things that are going to keep bringing you joy but also keep you encouraged and feeling motivated to keep going through what you need to go through? And tools are just a matter of the way that you look at them. So, for me, it's yoga and walking, and journaling. But sometimes it was reading and sometimes it was having a nap. Sometimes it was going to play LEGO with my son. It doesn't matter what it is. Someone can kind of look at it as this is the thing that's helping me get through this moment or this day or this side effect. I remember my husband and I were seeing counselor during my treatment. She was saying “Oh Jessica what are you doing to take care of yourself?”. I said “I'm doing great. I'm doing this and I'm doing this. I got this.” She was like “Well awesome! Brad, what are you doing?” And he was like “Oh my goodness. I have nothing.” I was like “That’s not true”.But I knew that he was looking at 

my list “Well I don't do any of that.” I was like “No, you have stuff. You go to rock climb and you hang out with your friends all the time and walk the dog every night.” And he was like “That's not like taking care of myself. It's just like taking the dog for a walk.” It really hit me that “Oh it's not just like doing these things but it's actually doing them mindfully”. You're bringing awareness to them so that they do help you. They can be as simple as taking the dog for a walk. But if you go into it with the mindset of “OK I need this break. I need some outside time. I need to move my body. I'm gonna give my brain a break from being in the house.”, then it becomes a tool for getting you through. So, find the tools that would be a big one.  

Jessica 

My other one would just… I know that it's we feel like a lot of things behind closed doors and in the doctor's office. Even as women a lot of these issues on her own. But I think the more that we can tell people about it we not only realize that we're not alone, but we realize that people can learn from it. Not just women you know. All of my mail my boy students and various gender students in my class they know about it as well. They often have the best questions because they don't know a lot. That really tells me that we need to be talking more about what's happening with our bodies because bodies are also so amazing. The more that we can bring knowledge and awareness about body issues whether it's with our friends or family. Often, I had a lot of people like “I just I had no idea. I just had no idea that that's what a radiation machine looked like.” Trust me I was taking pictures of the radiation machine. I think like there is so much power in telling one another. Like you said storytelling is such a huge avenue for not only awareness but like taking the control over your situation. So that really does I think helps get people through when we're able to share what's happening and then not feel so alone. 

Nicole 

I totally agree with that. So, what's next for you and your survivorship journey? 

Jessica 

Oh boy, I'm one of those people does not sit still. Like you had mentioned in my bio, I'm moving on from teaching elementary school to upper SFU next year and teaching the teachers which I'm just so thrilled with. It's been a dream of mine for a long time. I am very ready for that next chapter. I think having gone through cancer and surviving, now in that next phase whatever I can do to help that community is always in the back of my mind. My story gave me a lot of perspective. That not only helps me figure out how do I help the cervical cancer community but also just anyone going through a challenge. I think what survivorship can really tell you is that you'll never really know what someone is going through. Even if I say all the things that I've gone through, it will never be the same as what you go through. We also have to understand that everyone’s journey and survivorship is going to be very different. So, I think the next step for me is just continuing to cultivate that perspective and that awareness of other people’s challenges. How do I make sure that I'm supporting who I can as I continue? 

Nicole 

I think one step in that is joining us today and sharing your story because you will definitely reach other survivors, patients, their friends and family. Something you shared today could definitely help them out in that journey. 

So, thank you for joining us and thank you for sharing. We really appreciate it! 

Jessica 

Thank you so much for having me! It was a pleasure! 

Nicole 

Thanks for joining us on the gosh podcast to learn more about the gynecological cancer initiative and our podcast! Make sure to check out our website at gynae cancer initiative.ca