169: Scared of Promoting Yourself? Here’s the Reframe That Changed Everything for Me

If you’re a working mom with a side business, you’ve probably felt the fear of putting yourself 'out there'. Maybe it feels selfish, salesy, or just plain uncomfortable to talk about yourself online, especially when you’ve got colleagues, bosses, or even family watching.

I know, because I’ve been there. For years, I hid behind quotes, generic posts, or faceless updates because showing me felt too vulnerable. But here’s what I learned: staying invisible isn’t humble, it’s actually holding you back from helping the very people who need you.

In this episode, I share:

• Why self-promotion isn’t selfish (it’s service)
• How I went from hiding to posting photos, soundbites, and real stories
• Simple, safe first steps you can take to build visibility without overwhelm
• A framework (Before → During → After → Debrief) to share your journey in a way that connects and builds trust
• Tips for balancing visibility with professionalism when you’re still employed

It’s always scary at first but it gets easier. And showing up online with intention can be the key that unlocks your first client.

Resources & Links:

• Connect with me on LinkedIn or Instagram (@sharonsinghsidhu)
• Email me at sharon@sharonsinghsidhu.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hi there and welcome to another episode of the podcast. Today I wanted to talk about the topic around being visible and promoting yourself and your business online. So I wanted to make this episode because I have been seeing a number of comments around this topic and posts as well on LinkedIn about this topic and it's something I personally have gone through and am still going through and so I wanted to share a little bit about how I'm doing it. So this episode is for you if you are a side hustling mom who wants to grow your business maybe you aspire to quit your nine-to-five run your own business full-time but you might be feeling hesitant about talking about yourself promoting your business because sometimes that can feel like you're being selfish maybe feels inauthentic right like you're doing it to bring attention to yourself and that can make some of us feel very uncomfortable we don't like to have the attention on ourselves and I know for me this this was a big one, feeling guilty about promoting myself online because it feels like it's something like we're not supposed to do if we have a job and we're worried about our company that we're working for or maybe even our bosses not liking it. We worry about what our colleagues, customers or friends and family will say about what we are saying online. And it can even feel like, doesn't self-promotion, isn't it very salesy? You know, I'm not the sort of person who sells myself. And so this can us feel quite uncomfortable but if you are really you have aspirations and dreams of building growing your own business or maybe even just building your own brand right why why it's important for us to kind of really start showing ourselves a little bit more online and everywhere actually even in person to talk about what we're doing and working on it's important because you know we actually have got something that helps people and And by not talking about it, like whatever it is that we've overcome, challenges we've overcome, difficulties we've encountered, what we've done about it and sharing what works or what doesn't work, you know, not talking about it or sharing about what we've done actually can even be selfish because if we are growing a business, first of all, no one's going to know about you if you don't talk about it, right? And of course, then your business isn't going to grow. You're never ever going to sign clients if nobody knows you, nobody knows what you're doing right but I feel like it's also selfish because by not sharing we actually prevent ourselves from helping someone who might actually really need our help now when I first heard this I thought oh yeah that's just like a way to rationalize rationalize your promoting yourself online when actually you just want to sell something but when I started to think about it I started to reframe this and every business exists obviously it needs to have money to continue to run it needs to have money to hire the people it needs to hire the experts have the systems have invest in the technology you know I mean pharmaceutical companies obviously have to do a lot of research and development and we live in a world in this kind of material world where the primary tool that makes that happen and makes business kind of be well oil and move and progress it is one tool is money right and so of course when we're in business no doubt we need the money to have the business continue to grow and by doing that, it can provide the service that can actually help people. Like if you think about it, if you didn't have like, I don't know, your mobile phone provider or internet, these are all run by companies and they exist because they, of course, they solve a problem. That's of course the first thing, but they also need the money to continue to operate, right? And so when I started to look at it this way, you know, it seems selfish to not share whatever experience that I have that I have you know problems I've overcome or solved challenges I've overcome and you know and for me personally obviously if I hadn't bought from people who were talking about their work sharing their work I also wouldn't have known how to start my own business right on the side how to run an online business which can be quite different from a traditional brick and mortar business I wouldn't have known how to market and sell my services or even even worked on my mindset and shifted my mindset or all of these things, right, become more financially savvy. Now, of course, you can say a lot of these things are freely available and they are. And that is not to say that even when you talk about your business, you're not going to help people without charging them, right? I mean, I share regularly on my LinkedIn profile. I share on this podcast episode. I write my email newsletters every week. And these are all like freely available. I don't have to charge for that but nevertheless the topic here is all about still talking about what you do who you help how you help why you help what do you believe in what have you done you know like your whole process and so it was very difficult for me honestly because when I first started sharing my story and really kind of coming off my shelf first of all I feel like I'm the sort of person like I didn't like the limelight I don't like attention I'm pretty introverted I'm very private I'm very open to people I know and know well, but in terms of you don't know who's out there, right? You don't know who's watching, who's reading, what people are going to say. So it was very, very scary for me. And on top of that, I work in HR and I feel like when you are in HR, you're also kind of like have this, I feel, maybe it's in my mind, I don't know, but like this additional responsibility, you know, because we are representing the company to a certain extent. We're also representing the employees And so there's always this delicate balance. And I feel like there's this extra, I don't know, onus or like this extra responsibility. And so it was very difficult for me. And I used to hide behind very safe topics. You know, maybe I share some generic quote that inspires me. Very neutral statements. And maybe I share some research that I've read, you know. But the thing is, and I never really put any pictures of myself. I just use text. I mean, first of all, yes, it is very scary sometimes. second of all i just never feel felt like i look good enough because um you know i i am not like some tv personality right not very glamorous i'm just a very regular working mom very plain very normal i don't wear any makeup i don't dress in fancy clothes or designer goods or anything like that so i would say that i'm a pretty plain person and so to put myself and my pictures online felt like oh i couldn't do that when everyone else looks so good you know um so Then when I started, I was pretending to be someone I wasn't, trying to sound more expert than I felt. I felt like, oh, I have to present myself in a certain way, otherwise people are not going to take me seriously. The few times that I did show my face, I took the extra effort to put makeup on and make sure I looked a certain way that I thought I had to look if I showed up online, even though I don't wear makeup usually. And the result was that, of course, I didn't get a lot of engagement because I it felt fake you know it wasn't really me and in but then I think like the podcast really helped me I started interviewing people and so it took the spotlight away from me to the guests I had on the podcast and it felt a lot easier to do because I didn't have to show my face people could just hear my voice and then over time I just got a little bit more familiar and comfortable and this is very ironic because it's so funny how like you're in the job in the have a problem showing up in the work that you do sometimes I feel it's because you are kind of like you're not selling yourself like you're not on the line you know you are selling a company's product or service and so if there's any rejection they are not rejecting you as a person they're rejecting the product or service that you're selling and even for me as a trainer right I go up there and I do a lot of stand-up training I don't I mean I've grown over the years to be more confident but ultimately it's like oh this is what the company is kind of wanting you all to learn it's not like I am sharing this personal experience and this is what I want to share and this is what I hope you will learn and so any rejection it's not really about me when I'm talking or sharing about some company related training right I mean but then when you start talking about yourself it becomes it can feel very personal and so I think that's where the difficulty is but in 2024 last year I really decided it was time for me to take my business more seriously the kids were a lot older you know they are going to be off to university soon so that meant that I would be having a bit more time right first of all but secondly and more importantly I really was trying to think about okay what's going to be next for me in this next phase of my career and I really wanted to have my own thing you know kind of like then I could really have time freedom I could decide my hours and I didn't want to be limited by the amount of money I could earn because at some point you reach a point in your career where if you want to make more money it's either you take the bigger job but then you might not feel like in that stage in life that you actually want that bigger job anymore you know something shifts the priority shifts for me the priority now is really about sharing my experience I mean at 50 and having spent 30 years in the corporate world you know working mom for like 20 years now balancing all of it um I just feel like I'm in a phase of life where I really could help a younger mom, could help a younger woman who's starting out, who's ambitious, but who also wants to be there for their family. And so it's like we're kind of like driven by different things now, I guess. And so it seemed like the right time to really step up on my side business. And so last year I decided to really step out a little bit more. I started putting out really more of my own personal thoughts and opinions and ideas. ideas and reflections. I really started putting out a lot more photos of myself. So if you have been following me from before, you will probably notice the shift from text-based posts on LinkedIn to now predominantly photographs or recently I've been trying these audio bites, like these small little sound bites from my podcast of putting my voice out there too. And it is for sure very scary. You know, it's very, very scary, but I think that I I might as well start now when I'm still relatively small nobody really knows about me it feels like you know even if I made a mistake which honestly I don't believe in mistakes I just feel like there's a lesson but it just feels like the stakes are smaller and so that's kind of been my personal experience so far but I just wanted you to understand why it's so important you know if really you have aspirations to start your own business on the side or maybe even like just build your own personal brand online which in this day and age is your resume it is your CV you know anyone can do a Google search about you to see who you are and what you're about and if there's nothing there's no like it's less of an impact right compared to someone if you Google it's like wow she's done all these things wow you know she's like this is what she thinks people get an idea of who you are even before they meet you and that can be a very powerful advantage right and so that's important but If you're still feeling afraid, maybe your logical mind is telling you, yeah, yeah, I know this is actually very beneficial. It's something I got to do, but it still doesn't make it less scary, isn't it? And here are some tips I wanted to share with you. If you feel afraid kind of being visible online, I think the very first thing to do is to reframe, right? I mean, really Wayne Dyer, what he says, I always, I find myself sharing this quote a lot on LinkedIn because I see it come up again and again and again and he says when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change and this is just all about perspective you know we can look at something from one perspective and be very stuck and that can determine what we do or what we don't do you know our actions are all determined by the way we're perceiving something and that perception is just in your mind how you choose to perceive and interpret reality is just one way whereas there's so many other possibilities really limitless other way that one could see it. And this is very, very obvious when I do a training, when I ask for people's opinions on the one same topic. And when I go around the room, I will always get a different perspective of to see and approach a topic. And it's the same thing about being visible online. So, you know, just reframe. First step is just to reframe, to see instead of sales being salesy and sleazy, to see sales as service, right? Like I shared with you earlier on like if those people hadn't stepped out and shared what they shared I would still be feeling trapped and scared and helpless and confused and ignorant you know and I wouldn't have been able to change my previous circumstances to the circumstances or to the life that I have now today you know previously I used to be very afraid I didn't think I had it in me I had no idea anything about personal finance about growing a business you know and and imagine if I didn't have all these people and tools and companies that do what they do I wouldn't have known any differently and I would still be in that old same old stuck situation very helpless very afraid and very powerless you know compared to where I am today and that has only been possible because I could learn from other people and so the same thing others can learn from you so when we kind of like shift that and reframe that you know it really makes makes things everything that we see just is different and I know it's not easy it's easy to just say reframe and that's the reason why I am such a big advocate for the tools that I use that help me really to really to release that fear and that resistance right to kind of reframe how I see things kind of shift my mindset and perception and I use tools like the map method or even human design you know all these things I use because a lot of it is our mentality you know our mindset so mindset is such an important place to start from and that's why I invest a lot in my own mindset like how do I shift my mindset how do I kind of like change the way I see things how do I I mean better understand how my mind works I really I mean a lot of I've had a lot of investment in it that's all I can say right and very practical thing you can do like today is just start by commenting on someone's posts and you know you can go through LinkedIn and you can see as you as you read you can see like there's a lot of generic AI generated comments on there but maybe if you just took the time like I don't comment a lot because I put time and I put like real intention and I really reflect on things and I really share my own thoughts so in a day I might just be putting like posting maybe three to five comments you know in a day but I feel like that's got a lot of depth and it's real And so for you to stand out, it's so easy these days. I mean, even though there's a lot, like you can see like thousands of comments sometimes on the big names post, but when you put like real genuine thought and reflection and insight into your comments, it stands out. So you can start simply by commenting on someone that you admire, maybe someone you aspire to be, or you like their content and just put a real genuine content comment in there. And that is a really easy way to start. And what you'll find is that people will start to interact with you. And if you happen to actually be commenting, you know, right after the author posts, puts their post up, they will likely also comment back. And with that, I think it kind of really does help your people get to know you because people will say, oh, who is this person who made this comment? Let me go check her out. And then this is how you, this is how anyway I've grown my audience is how I actually sign my clients. People find me through the comments, you know, and then we have a conversation in the comments, in the public space. And so to me, that's a very natural way because like you're not selling anything, you're sharing your thoughts. It's really just like a conversation and it feels a lot safer, right? I mean, you're not really posting anything online per se. You're just kind of responding to someone's thoughts and opinions and it's a conversation, right? And so that's a very easy way to start, right? And I don't really... I used to kind of pressure myself oh I've got to like do I don't know 10 comments within the next 10 minutes and then I would pressure myself but these days right I just I just look at who I resonate with someone's comments that I feel like I want to respond to and I'll just respond so it's very organic it's very natural and I trust that because I trust my gut and that's all also the human design work that I'm doing that's really the best way for me the best kind of like a strategy for me okay and which might be different for you but regardless I mean, I think commenting is a very simple way to start. And then another way is that's less intimidating is to support small creators. I think that, you know, when you're starting out, it's always nice to know that someone read what you've shared and actually acknowledges with a like or like with a reply. So you can do that for someone else too and strike up a conversation. And that kind of warms you up to the whole, you know, like being visible online, right? And then as you get braver, maybe you feel like, okay, I can step out a little bit and you can actually talk about something you've learned. Maybe you could do it like what I did, which is just simply share some quotes, right? Some quotes that inspire you. Those are very easy ways, easier ways to start. And then just, you know, before you slowly kind of gradually move into really building up your credibility, your authority and your thought leadership by putting down your own personal opinions and ideas about about a topic right and I think like one very important underlying thing is just simply to remember to show up with intention so when we show up online what is it we're trying to do I know that I used to just show up and it's all about just sales you know it's all about lead generation it's all about signing a client and I think that people can feel that because it repels people and so ever since I kind of shifted that and just went in with the idea I know obviously at the back of my mind I'm growing a business obviously I need to generate leads and grow a business but ultimately the primary aim is I won't have a business if I'm not helping people solve their problem that they want solved right and so I'm showing up with intention with genuine sincere desire to help and add value to others and so that's kind of the energy I bring with me into my post into my podcast anything that I'm talking about into my comments it's like hmm that's interesting you know here's one way that I'm looking at it here's what I'm doing that's really helped me that's kind of the angle I tend to approach like and no one can fault you for that because it's your own experience right it's like oh you know this is what I did this is how it helped me and you're just sharing your own perspective and someone might think that is useful and that's good that's great that's where sales really is service right and someone might feel that that's rubbish and that's nonsense and you don't know what you talk about and that's totally fine too because they can ignore you right and I've also had people like really come right out and tell me I was wrong and this that and the other and honestly it just reflects more about like the person and how they're behaving you know and we can always just take it okay yeah sure you know that's your perspective this is my perspective you don't have to like take on my perspective as the truth and as the right way it's just how I've dealt with it and that's how I see it and that's it and leave it as that you know and so that's what you could do if you still feel a little bit afraid these are just some very simple ways you can start right and then I think when it comes to growing a side business I use a very simple framework okay a simple framework which is like the you can share the before the during the after and then the debrief right because of course in whatever business you're doing like I said you are there the business exists to solve a problem so you are solving a problem that you personally have overcome I mean ideally right to speak on it with a thought and credibility. You have to know without a shadow of a doubt that it works because you have experienced it. This is where picking and choosing the best business, like for me, this has been my strategy. I've tried a lot of different things, right? From product business to even brick and mortar to service-based business. I've tried different things and I found that the easiest way for me to talk about like who I help, what I do, how I help people is to simply solve a problem that I myself have over So then we can talk about the before stage, right? Share what is it that you're struggling with or you were struggling with. And you could even talk about it in present tense. Maybe right now it is a problem you're trying to solve, right? So the before and then the during is kind of like the process, right? What are you doing about it? Or if it's a past, something that you've actually already overcome, what you actually did, right, to overcome it. And then the after would be how it turned out. And I think sometimes we have this pressure to only share what works. But there's so much value in sharing what didn't work as you expected. And of course, we all lump that under the umbrella of failure, which is not a bad thing because failure is just a lesson you have to learn. It was something, failure is simply, okay, here's another reframe, right? Failure is just something that you expected to go one way and it went like a slightly different way. And that means that if you still wanted to go that way that you originally wanted, maybe there are certain things you need to do to course correct and then try again and see if it works the next time to get exactly the outcome you wanted. But it can also mean, hey, you know, that other different way it turned out. Actually, that's a better way. Actually, it showed me that my original idea was not really what I wanted. And I found this to be true for me in all of my so-called past failures, right? They were all the different ways that, first of all, didn't work that I expected it to work. So sometimes it was because I needed to change certain things or pick up a new skill or get better as something, right? Like sales and marketing was something that I needed to get better at, like building relationships, starting conversations, not coming across as desperate and salesy and needy. These were things I needed to learn. They were all skills I needed to pick up. The art of conversation, right? Of starting your conversation. But then there were times where the failures were actually really, really helpful because they helped me to see that, oh, you know, what I initially thought I wanted isn't really what I want, actually. It was just like, I imagined it to be one way, but the reality when I actually did it was very different and I really don't want that you know and so it's never a bad thing okay so that's the reframe on failure but so share how it turned out whether it went the way you expected it to or it didn't and then debrief so the debrief is really about I feel this is really the valuable part that I didn't do enough of in the past and that's why I kept moving from strategy to strategy trying one thing after another because I really didn't spend too much time on a debrief because I was too stuck in the like my hurt ego and pride when something didn't work out that I felt like oh you know I failed at something I don't think I can do this but the debrief is all about spend time to reflect on why certain things turned out the way they did or didn't and then you know what is it that you could change and if you do it like repetitively then every time you change something did that change or that slight tweak or adjustment you made did it did it go as you expected you know what else needs to be changed so it's like an ongoing iterative process right and you can share that debrief you can share what you iterated what you changed how it turned out and then how you course corrected how you had to shift certain things these are things that are actually very relatable because the reality is sometimes we see the big names and then it feels like we can't really relate because oh they're already all the way at the end zone right they're all the way at the finishing line and here I am I'm still putting my shoes on getting ready for the race and I don't even know how this works I'm still learning the rules of what I can do and what I cannot do and what works and what doesn't work and so I feel like the sharing the process that you're in during and especially the debrief and the insights that you gain even if they didn't work out as you expected is so valuable for a lot of people who are very close to maybe you're just a little bit ahead of them you know and they just cannot relate with people who are so far ahead of them but you they can super relate with what you are saying okay and so everyone is at a different stage and so no matter where you are there's always going to be one person that you can help and we just need to focus on that and of course you can always use this framework the before during after and debrief this framework and just use it with your client stories when you start having clients show the before show the after so show the during show what changed what was the debrief right so one note I do want to say about those of us who are employed in a job and then also building a side business of course this is me from a HR perspective because I also know people ask about this sometimes about I think why we hold back sometimes also is we're afraid um there are some companies that are very strict about it and personally i have always avoided those i have worked in government before and they are very strict about it and for very valid reasons and so sometimes you just cannot do that right and and i also know like i mean it happens in every industry right if you're in the financial um industry there's certain things you just can't do you cannot participate in you know like and so it's just normal okay it's normal for the company to want to protect their interests and so you just need to make sure that you check what your company's policy is on this what is their social media policy on this um make it transparent like i always make it very known up front to my bosses hey i'm doing this on the side you got do you have any issues with that and concerns with that and address that and you know and make sure that there's no conflict of interest which is why i tend to pick something that is totally completely uh first of all completely different industry from my job second of all completely different like there's no uh conflict there in terms of me stealing their customers or anything like that, soliciting their customers. And you just want to make sure that you do that, right? So these are kind of like the hygiene factors you just need to make sure. Of course, I know there are some people who just use a different account. I don't personally recommend this because then again, going back to intention, what's the intention here? Are you trying to hide something? Does that mean you're doing something shady? So I actually don't recommend that at all. And then ultimately, show up professional. You kind of have to think of it as whatever you are online, that's also your professional reputation, right? And whatever you show up in at work, in the workplace, in your job, is also your professional reputation. And the litmus test simply is to ask yourself, what do I want to be known for? How do I want people to know me? to perceive me and for me simply is if whatever I'm doing online how will my kids feel about it how will my mom feel about it okay people who really matter to you what will they like see or feel about what you're doing online and that's the reason why I really stopped making any references to my kids because they didn't like it and I wanted to respect that and so I start I really just kept it very very focused on you know talking about the work that I do with my clients and with the women I help and sometimes I do talk a bit about the family but I keep it like on I keep it I guess quite generic I would say right as a mother is more from my perspective I don't really bring my kids into the picture or my husband a little bit it's a little bit more open about it now but I think we also need to respect and honor the people close to us because there there are implications not just in your job but also with your family members like what how do you want to show up what what do you want people to know about you like when you think of people that you know there's like maybe one thing they're known for right and so you just need to be clear about that okay um yeah and so that is that those are just some tips i guess to share with you about how you can show up online to be more visible and so then the question is next what's next right so then let me ask you this what's one action that you can take after you've heard all of this what's an action one action that you can take from all of this you know do you want to post something of your own do you want to comment on someone else's post you want to support a small creator do you want to share something you're working on you know the kind of challenges you're going through right now and you can even say oh you know I don't really have the answers I don't really know how to deal with this but here's what I'm doing about it and you can do that right and so it is like keep it like just simple you know simple and straightforward and just share what you're working on so I hope that today's episode helps you and that you take at least one action for the coming week it's always going to feel a little bit uncomfortable at first but it does get easier the more you do it right so if you found this episode helpful please do share it with someone else that you might know could benefit from this and if you really like this episode please leave a review on Apple Podcast if you're listening on Apple Podcast I think you can't really do that on Spotify but if you're on Apple Podcast please leave a review you for the show it really helps in terms of the algorithm I'm told I understand back end right it helps other women find this show and maybe they could also benefit from whatever is shared here and if you're a mom you know and you are working on your side business or thinking about starting one you want to sign your first client from your side hustle without feeling salesy without sending cold DMs or spending 10 hours a day on LinkedIn definitely let's have a chat you can actually DM me on LinkedIn I'm actually on LinkedIn as well And recently now I've gone back into Instagram. I don't know how that's going to go. I'm just experimenting still. But yeah, if you're like me, you want to do this and you want to grow something of your own, build something of your own to have the time and financial freedom, you know, to kind of spend time with your family and to make sure that your financial future is secured, then definitely let's have a chat. And you can find me on LinkedIn at Sharon Singh Sidhu. Same handle on Instagram at Sharon Singh Sidhu. All right. Thank you so much for listening. And I'll talk to you again next week. Bye.