Herspiration Happy Hour
Herspiration Happy Hour
Herspiration Happy Hour, Season 9, Eps. 17: WE'RE BACK!! We Paused But Life Didn’t
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After taking a much-needed summer hiatus, HERspiration Happy Hour is back and we have plenty to talk about!
We may have pressed pause during June and July, but life certainly didn’t. From exciting accomplishments and unexpected changes to personal growth, new opportunities, and everything that happened behind the scenes, we’re catching up on it all.
Grab your favorite drink and join us as we reconnect, reflect on the summer, share what we’ve been up to, and give you a glimpse of what’s ahead. The ladies are back, the conversation is flowing, and Happy Hour has officially started!
Connect with the hosts on IG:
@iamdrpgurley
@thegirlfriendtherapist
@dianarichardsonphillipus
@coachofcourage
Like, comment, and subscribe for more real conversations with Herspiration Happy Hour.
#podcast #season9 #HerspirationHappyHour #WomenConversations #WomenEmpowerment #PodcastForWomen #empoweringwomen
And the look.
SPEAKER_02Are you ready for cocktails and conversations? Are you ready for cocktails and conversations? Are you ready for cocktails and conversations? With your host, the unapologetic diva Dr. G, the girlfriend therapist, Dr. Cortina Lewis, and the networking extraordinaire, Diana Richardson Philippist.
SPEAKER_01Are you ready for cocktails and conversation? This is Herspiration Happy Hour. Happy Hour.
unknownHappy Hour.
SPEAKER_00Happy Wednesday and welcome to another episode of Herspiration Happy Hour. We are back. This is your unapologetic diva, Dr. G.
SPEAKER_03This is Dr. Cortina Lewis, aka the girlfriend therapist.
SPEAKER_05And this is I am your next mirror.
SPEAKER_00As you get the pizza off your hands, you're like, hey, oh my goodness, ladies, it's nice to be back. How was your summer? Well, first of all, before we jump into the summer, how is your week going?
SPEAKER_03It's going good, it's going um, yeah, busy, very, very busy.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, busy is hopefully is a good thing because, of course, you know, uh, before we left and we're still bringing it back, it is a winning Wednesday. So, what can we celebrate today? And who wants to go first?
SPEAKER_03Um, I'll go. I just um my niece just had a baby, so we have a new uh person to our family tree. He is the first great, great grandchild. So now we have five generations, and so his name is Ramir Legend. He's so cute. Oh my god, he's so cute. Oh he's so cute. Oh my gosh, I just want to go give him a hug right now. He's so so cute. He is adorable.
SPEAKER_07Oh my god, he's so cute.
SPEAKER_00He is absolutely adorable. And you know what? I just love the baby smell. It's something about the baby smell. I I get mad when it goes away.
SPEAKER_07Yeah, they like that.
SPEAKER_03He's almost 24 hours old, not quite yet. Almost 24 hours old. Oh, she just had this baby. She just had if we wasn't, if I wasn't doing this, I would be at the hospital right now.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for being here. Thank you for being here. Uh Diana, are you are you celebrating anything? Got any wins today? Well, you know, I was moving everything.
SPEAKER_04I'm here. Um I don't think now what I was gonna say is that I am excited from it from July, July, August, August, family and family, and friendly that maybe around around.
SPEAKER_05Okay, so that maybe August is August 10 or meeting our meeting. This is the second week in August August.
SPEAKER_00It's it's five days. It is five days into August. That's it. Not even two weeks into August, it is five five days into August.
SPEAKER_05Five days, five days into August. Um I'm rebirthdays in with FOMO to go.
SPEAKER_00Okay, well, yeah, some things was happening.
SPEAKER_05I mean, I mean it was a busy period for people. We were busy, we were busy.
SPEAKER_00Well, you know what? I'm gonna celebrate my win. Is that my summer was just phenomenal? I got to hang out with my friends, I got to hang out with my family, and I got to just be and and show up and be present, and just I had such a good time. Yeah, so that's my that is my win. Yeah, we did get a smoke girl, did we?
SPEAKER_05I'm literally literally all day, all day, Sunday, Sunday, because we got back Sunday. It it's about early early afternoon. Sunday and Monday and Monday was I couldn't even find it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so we we made it back from Philly as well. That's why it it I just feel like my summer was was so incredibly awesome because I got to see you all and just you know, I got to see more than you, I got to see several of my other friends as well, and then got to spend time with my family. And I really got to spoil my mom for her birthday because she was here for a couple of weeks in June. And so yeah, I just that that's my win. I there's there's nothing greater at this age than experiencing life with your family and friends. Amen. Yeah, so absolutely. And as a part of that, I went step down for a class reunion type of thing, not really a reunion, so to speak. So I got to see and connect with people who I have not seen in over 30 years. And so that was really that was really incredible to be able to experience as well. So this is just a way to have the opportunity to reconnect with people uh from your past and share stories and you know, come you know, you know, uh honor and pay and tribute, pay a tribute to those that we have lost, you know, since graduating high school. And so it was it was really an incredible experience. I can't wait to do it again. And we said we would do it again sometime next year. So I'm on the committee to see to see that committee. Yeah, so we have a little committee that to make sure that we were able to do this and maybe even make it bigger. So on that note, I probably need to risk uh reach out to um my old classmate/slash friend Chris Allen. So shout out to him for putting such an amazing event together because he did the thing, he really did a great weekend, like a weekend long thing. Um, on that note, Tortina, what are we sipping on today?
SPEAKER_03Okay, we are sipping on something good, rainbow dream. That's what we're sipping on today, and so for this, you're gonna need one ounce of grenadine, one ounce of pineapple juice, one ounce of orange juice, one ounce of Malibu Coconut Rum. However, I used Bacardi Silver. Um, you're also gonna need one ounce of vodka, a half ounce of blue carousel ice, and you're gonna garnish with the pineapple wedge. However, I did not have a pineapple wedge, so I garnished it with a line. Um, I was gonna put some glitter in it, but you know I didn't have time to deal with the glitter. So I was like, you know what? I'm not gonna worry about it because you guys know I love the the glitter. So, what you want to do, I wanted to do it in a martini glass, not a hurricane glass. Normally I would have done it over ice, but I chilled everything before I poured it in my martini glass because I want to be fancy because this was our first day back. So, what you want to do is fill the hurricane glass with ice, then you want to pour the grenadine at the bottom, of course, because it's the heaviest. And then in a shaker, you want to combine the pineapple juice, the orange juice, and the Malibu. And you want to shake it well, and then what you want to do is slowly, because you don't want it to mix with the grenadine at the bottom, you want to slowly pour it over the back of a spoon, which I always do so that it can float. Um, and then what you want to do is again on the back of a spoon, you want to pour the blue carousel on top of that, um, the back of the spoon again as well. And then you want to garnish it with the fruit or cherry. My cherry is at the bottom in the red. I don't know if you all saw it. And that is our um rainbow dream. That sounds delicious.
SPEAKER_00It really does.
SPEAKER_05But see, I would do the Bacardi silver silver and the palette. I would say both of them. I mean, that's just extra good. I will I will I will put both in here.
SPEAKER_00And you know what? Really quick, let me also, while we are on here, first of all, say happy birthday to Shay. Her birthday was yesterday, and so that's why she is not on the show. She is celebrating her birthday all throughout, from you know, the throughout the rest of the week. Secondly, I just want to shout out Cortina Girl. Let me tell you, it has been such a long time or had been such a long time that I had attended a real, like a real house party. Come on, girl, you did the damn thing. First of all, I need to know who helped you out, who helped you all move the furniture back to take all the I don't even know because I know all the husbands helped Dungeon move it out.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I was so mad on Sunday. I'm gonna be honest, because I went to go drop morning off at the train station. I came home and my dance floor was gone. I was like, I wanted to keep it down for oh my gosh, but our house is still not a hundred percent all the way back together yet.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow!
SPEAKER_03Oh oh okay, um, so yeah, it it it life has been busy. We were sick. I I I was supposed to be in Atlanta for the kids red carpet. Well, well, Morgan got the sickest. Um so that was that, and then I started getting sick, and I was like, oh my god, no, not on this day. So even I don't know if that she wasn't feeling well, but the where the chairs are supposed to go, they're not necessarily back where they are. The deck, some of the decorations are still in the dining room on the table. So we have not even been able to clear that because you know when I pay for something, I don't want to throw it away, and so I want to make sure I get my money's worth because so it's just still there, all the extra alcohol still there. Um, so it it's I haven't had time to to get the house back to the way that it needs to be. So that's all that's all right, okay.
SPEAKER_00But it was it was an awesome party, girl.
SPEAKER_05Really, really, really house party for real.
SPEAKER_00House party for real, like you know, what was it called? Um, like a movie house party. You it was a house party. We had such a good time, and I like the I like all the themes, and even starting Friday night was that was really nice. We had such a good time at the RB party, and it was it was great, such a great time. I had so much, I was like, oh my god, I wish my girlfriend was so longer. I have my mine is deflated and packed now, but I have mine too. I kept it. I don't have nothing to do with it. I know what I'm gonna do with this with this. Yeah, but if y'all saw my own, I don't have anything like look at my desk. Oh, you oh oh I have no books on my bookshelf in the right now. I have boxes in my closet. I you know, I have everything really taken off the wall, minus like one thing I need to get from up there. Yeah, I'm gonna be pulling up. At all. So I have been taking down and just packing stuff and sorting through the stuff and getting rid of things that I don't want in preparation of this move. And I never realized I had so much, but I guess packing up a four-bedroom house is is a lot.
SPEAKER_05You never know how much you have to find the move.
SPEAKER_00At all, it is true. You're putting stuff inside, oh, can you just go down there? Yes, and and so what I that's why I said what I'm doing is I didn't want to wait till the last minute. So for the past like almost two months and a half, I have been packing and getting stuff. So then I went and got the big boxes, and so I've just I have you know bags like the carry-on or the whatever bags that you can pack where I have all the linen and stuff in there, stuff that I'm not using. I have already today, I broke down a lot of my closet and anything that I'm not going to be wearing for the next like month. I went ahead and packed and because I mean I've I wear that a lot essentially, so I I kept a few little outfits out and then leisure stuff that I know I'm going to wear. But yeah, for the most part, I have been packing up packing up the hairs. Yeah, okay. I can't wait to see where we go next. I know, right? Um excited though, but I would just put it out there. Yeah, it will be Charlotte. Um I'm excited about adventuring somewhere else, and it's gonna be different because you know, having just gotten married and Jay and I have lived here for a long time. I mean, I've been in the same house for nine years, and he's lived here his whole life. I myself I've kind of moved in different places, but to experience a new area together, that's that to me is like that's like real married life at that point because you are getting situated and having to learn a new normal together.
SPEAKER_07So exciting.
SPEAKER_00It's exciting. Um I'll be closer to family. That's what I'm I'm really excited about is being closer to family because like right now it takes me 11 hours to get to my mom, it takes me nine hours to get to my dad or my sister, it takes, I don't know, almost 10, well, almost 10 or 11 hours to get to my other sister. That would be really great to be closer. Like it puts us right in between. So I can get to my family, he can get to his family. Now I'm trying to think of what I want my office to look like. You know, I might change the color scheme. This is staying in my office. My black girl artwork is staying in the office. It's gotta go. It's gotta go with me. But I don't I need a new color. Yeah. Yeah. I like change, I like new things, and so I always say some things have to go because not you know, when I get a new space, you know how you just want new things? New things. So I can't wait to see finally figure out where the house will be um in a Charlotte. Yeah, never know. Yeah. So what's what there what are some things that's going on that we want to talk about? We missed a lot throughout the summer. So many convers different conversations have been going on. I guess first of all, let me ask this question because I've been seeing it a lot on social media. What the hell is in the creek mean? What's the client with that?
SPEAKER_05Who laughed? So I think it means being funny.
SPEAKER_00No, that's not the one thing I've been seeing it. So somebody who's watching, I mean hit tap in in the chat, uh, or hit us in the DM or put a comment on later on. I just want to know what quiet on the creek means. I said, I know I'm old when I I be I just missed some of the slang, and I don't know what the mean. Oh, Cortina, you're looking it up.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, I don't I so this is what I thought initially when I heard it like, don't tell everybody everything, you be quiet on the creek. Okay, some people have said that when you're fishing, if you're talking, you're gonna scare the fish away. So you want to be quiet on the creek, but I think it has a different meaning now. There was someplace else where I saw because I I think maybe you want to be quiet about maybe your sexuality. No one don't quote me on this because I don't want nobody to cancel me or nothing like that. You know, um, so I think it's multiple.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I think I'm to who's who's using it and how they how they okay.
SPEAKER_00I have seen it in various ways. I I just don't know what quiet on the creek means, and I've seen it in many different contexts. So that's that's I've seen it in different contexts. I have no idea. Maybe I need to pop it in one of the comments. Like, what does quiet on the creek mean? But then you know, I I just don't know.
SPEAKER_05Well, it starts with it's a real to real thing without being quiet on the creek, it's an actual thing okay for people fishing quiet on quiet on the creek. Okay, but I but I get but again subjective how you want to use it. I really do something. Some people I don't know where they got from sure is funny when I be seeing them. I don't know, but I've seen so many different different I want to do a quiet on the tree. Say what I would, but I think I think I might.
SPEAKER_00I I don't I more than likely will not because I not I wouldn't I'd have to know for sure, like this is what this means, and because I don't know what it means, I would rather defer to not utilize it. But I've been seeing it a lot, so I just was kind of putting it out there. So, you know, hopefully somebody will let us know if it's multiple meanings. I'm just curious to know what it means.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I know it's multiple meanings because I know some people use it for fishing, like you don't again, you want to be quiet because you want the fish to you know get on the line if you're talking about fishing.
SPEAKER_00Say it again, like not spilling the tea.
SPEAKER_03So for me, I think the the the the latest understanding is don't explain everything to everybody. You know how sometimes you don't want to, you know, how we over-explain and we give other cultures insight into like our inside jokes when you are black, you already know something, but then we go explaining it to everybody else. You gotta be quiet. Like if you if you know, you know, almost like that. Like there's no need for us to explain it to you. So you don't agree. I don't agree. We don't need to talk about it. It is what it is. Well, okay, then all right, so so yeah, yeah. I like the song that was real catchy, and with a song, yeah. Yes, I love the song. I love you haven't heard the song. You haven't heard the song.
SPEAKER_05That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00I definitely have not heard it then. I'm looking here, I've been a pulling. I know.
SPEAKER_05Okay.
SPEAKER_03Really? Okay, and so I saw some of the controversy was about um white TikTokers trying to explain black African American vernacular English, like different types of um euphemisms that we use. And so, not even just Quiet on the Creek, but other things where they try to, I'm gonna say white explain different things, and it means something different from us, like how they have tried tried to co-op the term woke, um, where it does it means something totally different to them than what it means to us. And I think that's a broader issue of we're always trying to invite somebody to the cookout, but are they really with us? You know what I'm saying? Or are they just trying to cosplay like they are down with the culture, but they're really not down for the struggle or for the fight or for the real issues that we have to fight against. And so um, I know some people was upset about people who are not even in the culture trying to explain what it was and getting it wrong. And so they were like, we're not gonna explain anything. Um, I see this a lot, even before Quiet on the Creek the song came out. I would see this in some discussion boards and and different groups about how we need to gatekeep some of the Things in our culture because what happens is those things will become co-op, and then history will be rewritten, and it's almost like it did not even come from us. Almost like the bonnets. So now you got someone who is selling bonnets for I think they're like $200. But when we wore it, you know, and then you have the girl who is breaking, which she does a phenomenal job. I gotta give it to her, but she is charging to teach people how to braid and to um like she's getting a lot more.
SPEAKER_05I think I know she is being good though.
SPEAKER_03She's good, she's a Caucasian girl, but she's getting a lot more visibility as it relates to braids, and it's like black people have been braiding forever. So, what's so different? Why is she getting all of this publicity when black women in their homes, whomever, they have been braiding for centuries, even we know that's the root so and even here there were different braid patterns, and they they were really maps to show you where to learn that.
SPEAKER_00I learned that they depending on the map, they knew that they were safe, where to go, how to maneuver, and that was their way that they would not be found. So I just found that so intriguing. I learned that when I went to Colombia, me and Jay went to Cartagena. Well, we went to a different area, but it was in Colombia, and all the pictures on the wall had different things, and they were explaining uh, you know, the the creation of braiding and how you know the way it was mapped. And I just thought, wow, the things that we take for granted or don't really understand, or things that we aren't taught and we use a style, style. And it was for freedom, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Using it for freedom. So I just think the amazing thing that we well, the amazing thing that we have an opportunity to do when we learn those things is to educate others because when we don't, then you have people whitewash our history, which is a lot of times what's happening, because they want to tell their side of the story, and their story is from a perspective that they really can't even understand. That's just my own personal opinion, but that's how I feel.
SPEAKER_05But you know, you know when you say that the culture we need to be gate to gate, right? Right, so the culture is the culture. It's it's how they have together. Everything everything and every and everybody will be able to witness that. You know, you know, because always always when when um there are other um what's the word I'm gonna say race nationality?
SPEAKER_00Okay, nationalities.
SPEAKER_05Uh you know, you know, look rapid girls, woman on on um tick top. And she was doing uh doing children like that like that like that. She was like, I'm like serious. And then the radical rap and all these different things. But I know that we like the smiley and lay and all that cultural struggle. But then I then I would like that. There are there are some that really really do there is they they wouldn't. They know all of all of our. But they're with us.
SPEAKER_00Okay, go ahead, Cortina.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I was gonna say I think and I think sometimes that comes with the friends that we have that are of other persuasion persuasions, because there are some people who you would think are with us, but they're really not, and then there are some people that are like for real, for real, yeah, yeah, down with the culture, right? And they don't agree with the way that society is running right now, they will speak out when things are oppressive, whether it be you know, racism from one person or systematic oppression of an of the entire black culture. And I just saw this thing yesterday from the UK where there is this bubbling racist theme happening in hospitals where there are some people uh refusing to get treatment from black nurses, and I was I was stunned that this isn't like a huge issue that the BBC was doing a story on it. Um, I'll send it to you guys. I saw it, yeah. I guess I saw it just yesterday, and I was like, you need help, but you're refusing because the provider is not the color that you want for them to be to me to be in 2026, yeah, and this is still an issue that is a huge problem, and I'm not saying that we can cure it, but I I don't know how we help people not be blinded by their own racism, right? Because we can be so much further in the world, just like with the World Cup, how Venezuela is the most like everybody was rooting for Spain. I know that's the only reason why I was rooting for Spain because I did not want Venezuela to win, and they did not win. Um, but for some of the things that they say and their history when it comes to making sure that they purge black and brown bodies out of their population and what would happen, it's like so mind-boggling to me, and how the racism runs so deep. So when when I see people who absolutely love the culture but hate the people, that that's the problem. You can't love the culture but hate the people who create it. And I say, Black people, we are so influential in music and arts and sports and almost everything. You can go anywhere and you can hear somebody playing RB, hip hop, or whatever. However, they still believe that we are less than.
SPEAKER_00But you know what? They can also feel like we are less than by how we do our own culture. But I think all I but I think that goal is we don't, we don't, we don't support, we don't praise as much as some of these other cultures. We are so quick to do it for other nationalities, we are not that quick to do it for ours. We, I would not say we, but our culture will have a badass experience somewhere and still frequent that establishment. You have a bad experience with a with a black-owned business, and you just write them off and kind of do them dirty, so that and that's a problem. How how and where we spend our money and and how we drag our own culture is problematic because guess what? Other other nationality and other nationalities are looking at how we interact and support one another, and that's a thing. And so, if we are not open to really truly supporting and uplifting our own, and I'm not saying it's all the time, or it's I'm saying it it happens, and so other people are seeing that, and so if they're looking at it and they're saying, Well, if they don't want to frequent their own people, why should I?
SPEAKER_03It's I think it's part of a different, I think it's part of a different systemic issue. I think it's because we put more responsibility on people who look like us, right? We think higher, it's almost like when you're raised, as a black woman or man, you have to run faster, jump higher in order to get the same level, entry-level position as someone else, right? And respect I think that transcends even to the level of service. You can go to McDonald's, they can mess up your order 50-11 times. You go to a black-owned business, the first time they messed up your order, you want to blast them on social media, you want to say, that's why I don't frequent black businesses, and it's like, okay, but you're still gonna go to these other places that could get it wrong, and you have enough grace for them, but you don't have enough grace for your own people. Nobody is perfect, and so if the business is trying to correct the problem, why can't you just you know report it to the business and say, hey, this is something that you want to, you know, work on? There is not enough room, I feel, and and I'm speaking in generalities right now. I feel like there's not enough room where people can give grace to black-owned businesses, and I I'm gonna say that I'm gonna be very honest. I like to patronize black hair stores, but I find myself going to the Asian hair stores because they are cheaper as it relates to their prices. However, after watching, I think it was a documentary and learning how the Asians they support each other so they have the ability and the volume to have their prices lower. When black people go into the beauty industry to have hair stores where you can get their products, they're not given the amount of credit that other agents. That's what I was saying have to buy at a higher rate. And so that was my kind of like my turning point where it's like I might have to spend three more dollars because at the black establishment, because it was harder for them to break into the business to begin with, and so I have to say, am I looking at supporting a black business? Because they're not doing anything wrong, they have to price themselves at a different price point because of systemically how that business is is is functioning, and so I was guilty of it. I was like, girl, that person too, I'm going over here to mingling and I'm gonna get you know these hair products or what have you, because I'm saving, and let's just be real, I'm saving maybe like ten dollars out of my everything that I'm buying.
SPEAKER_05Well, well, what I can say, because you know, and um and and lack of uh uh beauty supply supply stores. I will say I will say this first, at least it's one of one of one of one of my people. It is it is like a price. I do go to electrical and supply supplies. I do, I do. But uh I don't still pay to make size of agents supply supplies. And it is it is quite a price for me for me. It's it's a variety of variety. And that goes back to that point where where when when black black bone business are not applied by or it, you know, I don't stop. They they are not sort of the same, same private line. Um they they have three spaces. No, no, stop, stop, shell their shelf. Whereas other other, what do you say, other other situations, right? Right. Um they get it a lot. And I guess I will say this. They they charge charge two, too. There's certain things that I get here FY um um Morocco. It is the Moroccan Moroccan made uh remember, but it is it is like have my loves it. They they have for my my medium buy from from 30 to 50 to 50. Okay, okay. My black only rebuttal is they can't even like they can't have it. So I have to go on in on the internet. But who knows, but who knows what I think I think to say to say um I am an agreeing, agreeing, but I but I do feel that for me it'd be at least the variety variety piece because they're not they're not enabled all of the things, things that I I actually like, like you know, you know, in my in my life collections.
SPEAKER_03And I think sometimes they get the because of the barriers, they have to get what most people are looking for. You have these beauty maxes, and I know we have elegant beauty, and don't get me wrong, it's not just well, it's mostly Asian, but I can also see um Middle Eastern other individuals, you know, having these um stores, but again, I think they have uh backing as well, and it it saddens me sometimes because I can see the Asian beauty stores packed with people, and these are like large beauty supply stores. I'm gonna tell you, I've never seen more than five people in any given black beauty store that I have been in. And I feel like I would continue to perpetuate the problem if I did not sometimes patronize the black beauty industry, like that that particular store. Don't get me wrong, Diana, I'm just like you, because if I need to go in and get something quick, you know, what whatever is the closest, but I have found myself driving out of the way to go to the the black-owned beauty store. Because just from what I've seen, I know how difficult and hard it is to stay in business.
SPEAKER_05Absolutely. You can go in on the store stores. Yeah. Come on, somebody somebody. Yeah. I'm gonna want somebody, yes, like baby still a ten ninety nine bottle of edge of edge control. You hear me? I don't need to let alone go get that little.
SPEAKER_00I very seldom go into beauty supply stores anyway. I have one up the street. I think I went in there, I was looking for some edge control from my mom and bought me some then. But I also, if I go and get my hair braided, they're already providing the hair. And typically my spray is from a black-owned uh hair company, Organy Grow, and I've been using them for my natural hair and everything since 2018. When I went natural, I have been using that product, and that's what stays here in my house. I don't really veer from it. I have tried like Taraji's brand, I have tried Tracy Ellis' brand. And that's usually if I'm in waiting between something because I can get that a lot faster. Um, when I'm slow to order my own my hair products when I realize I'm out. But I've been so consistent with trying to support black hair care for myself. And so outside of going to get my hair braided, which is a black-owned or African-owned hair care, uh 24-hour hair hair salon, or I don't worry, other than that, I am I try to be black-owned with a lot of my beauty products. I mean, from my face to, you know, Diana knows I would support her brand, still waiting on my stuff. Um, but but I do try to, I'm talking about my eye cream and stuff. I know I need to get it my life together. And typically I will say when I'm traveling, I'm flying and I'm not checking a bag. That's so part of it's me. Um but I try to stick with black natural organic products, and I will say that the space for black-owned is growing in that area. And so I really like that. The next thing that I would like to do is try to patronize black farms, it's just they're hard to find. Um hoping that as I am relocating, then you know, because right now I uh I will say I do a lot of grocery shopping at the commissary, I won't have that benefit once I relocate. But my goal is to switch to because I don't trust food as much anymore. So my goal is to start patronizing farms and having more fresh food and growing my own, which I did during COVID. And so a lot of my herbs and stuff came from my own garden. I knew what I was putting in it, so I didn't worry about feeling like I was going to be poisoned, or I don't know what the hell is going on with food right now, but everything is wrong with it.
SPEAKER_03Yes, but otherwise we do know why, because they cut all of the safety measures and all of the departments that go in and check.
SPEAKER_00We don't have those parameters and violence, so now but they're putting it up and that's but but you know what you would assume that the people who are are producing these products would have some level of conscious, but they don't, and so we have to be empowered as people to say what can I do for my health. So I have been looking at other ways where you know I had there's an app that'll points you to different farms, and so if I I while I would want to patronize a black-owned farm, if that's not available to me, then guess what? I'm going to have to patronize a white farm. Um but that but that is my goal, is to like you, Cortina, patronize and and put my money where it matters. Because I it it is hard, it's much harder out there. And and and you know what I do, I I like to do what is called teachable moments. Uh, whenever I'm having a bad experience at a black-owned establishment, I I have those teachable moments. I don't blast them. I will pull to the side and just say, Hey, this is my experience. I'm not gonna write about this bad experience, but I just want to let you know. Um, and honestly, it could have been better if this happened. And a lot of them are very open and happy that having that conversation because you can't fix anything unless they know it's broken. And a lot of times it's not broken, it just needs a little bit refining. I don't know any black-owned company or or or business that goes into business to fail. And in order for them not to fail, we as a community have to share our own insight without blasting and having uh social media know that you had a bad experience. The other thing I have done is with weight staff, black weight staff, especially when they're young, black weight staff. I have teachable moments too to make them better because their tips is what they rely on. And I tell them all the time, I don't want you to get in your head that because you patronize a black table uh a table with black people, that you will get less of a tip because you never know who is at your table. So I had I was in, I believe I was in uh Atlanta and I had a black uh like a maybe he might have been in his twenties or so, um black young black man, and we were still drinking and whatnot, and he just put our tab on the on the table and I said I didn't ask for it because we were still indulging, and I told him, I said, I said, if it's okay with you, I'm gonna give you a teachable moment. I said, unless uh unless some people ask you for the check, when you still see people engage and talk and having drinks, even if we're done eating, it's it's a lot more polite and better to say, are you do you would you like to have anything else, you know, or would you like the check instead of just bringing it. I said, because that way you're not they don't feel like you're rushing them off. And they feel like, you know, because you never know, they might that might be another opportunity for them to say, Oh yeah, um you can come back because I still want to order dessert. Or you say, Would you like dessert, another drink? Can I get you anything else? Then a lot of times they will tell you, here, and you know what he said, thank you so much. And then I'm new. And so he was very happy to have that. So sometimes we have to be open to give teachable moments in a constructive manner so that they have an opportunity to thrive because customer service is hard. And if they're new and you don't know they're new until they take they come right out and say it, those teachable moments help grow them going forward because I'm certain he probably made that correction then so that he can be tipped well, instead of somebody saying, Damn, I ain't even asked for my tip, they just bringing me my tip like they pushing me out to be. You never know who's going to sit at that table.
SPEAKER_03And one of the things, and that that Pam, to your point, where there is this uh Discord about black people not tipping. I have never been with a group who did not tip very generously, right? And so I know that there was this black girl online, and she was talking about how she doesn't like waiting on black groups, blah blah blah, whatever. And I feel like for her as a black woman to come out and say that is perpetuating the stigma and the myth that black people do not tip, because I will tell you, I have been out with some people who don't look like me, and I was like, oh dang, you only try I always make sure I give at a minimum 15, but 18 to 25 percent. And so I don't care if I got a cup of coffee, sometimes the tip is equivalent to what the the cup was, you know what I'm saying? And so I I really don't, and people are gonna people, yeah, like when individuals who are a part of the culture go against the grain, kind of like this Officer Tatum guy, who is I don't know if you all know him, but he's been very vocal in the Nolan Wells. He was very outspoken negatively about Brianna Taylor, saying she she not that she deserved it, but very, oh well, you know, she was with this guy or whatever, so kind of like victim blaming. He's really like an Uncle Ruckus, and um that just adds more credit to what people who don't look like us already believe, and so it it's it's saddening to hear people perpetuate these stereotypes uh uh about us because I feel like there's good tippers in any race. If you're from absolutely from Europe, you're not even used to tipping because it's not a part of the culture, right? So it's almost like an insult because they get paid the wage that they need to be paid, so we don't live or rely on tips, yeah, right. So it's just funny to me how some cultures again get passes or are shown grace, and we are judged so harshly, yeah. We are, yeah, even by our own kind.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, and so whether you are a white tipper, black tipper, Asian tipper, I don't care about your age, I often and most often tip commensurate upon the service.
SPEAKER_05Service, the service, absolutely tip where service was not provided, and that's what I was about to say about respect. G wasn't a great didn't provide provide good customer customer service. Maybe, maybe that's why I'm not saying that you know that's you know factual, but possible because because you're good experience experiences and experiences for all relationships. And when it comes when it comes down to mental money on money on the table, I'm tipping that bad service.
SPEAKER_00Now my now my husband, he will still still tip. I'm not tipping. I'll write it. I will write the prop the he will still he will still tip. I I am not serving. I write the tip. My tip, here's your tip. It's a bit of advice. Oh I'm gonna let them. Oh, yeah, I'm because you know what the managers have to see that. The managers have to see that. So my tip is either is that I'm gonna call the manager over, or I'm just gonna write it nicely on there. This is why you did not get a tip, and I'm not being rude, but you know what? That's gonna have to be fixed. They're not gonna say they're gonna just be like, oh, that person was rude, they didn't tip. Well, you know what? You can't scratch out what's on there. And I initial, oh yeah, I don't play them games. I've had people, I I have had other races. I've had a white a white woman who provided a great service to everybody but neglected the table that I was at.
SPEAKER_06I've had that type of room.
SPEAKER_00Then I politely asked for the manager, and then you know, you don't always know if we're who you're really getting, because you know, when people are complaining, but I wrote it on I I did not tip and I wrote why. Here's the tip rude, you know, did not it provided service to every table but mine. Yeah they don't they don't like that. I've I've known people to get fired. That was not the intent. And I had already actually talked to the manager because I knew her and I had frequented this spot a lot and she was and I don't know how long this girl worked there and I don't think she knew that who who I knew, but you never know who you know. So it's better to treat everybody the same way. But yeah, I don't I I I have learned to nicely write the tip what the problem is because managers have to see it. Yep.
SPEAKER_03So there's always a little that's a little tidbit, but I do try my best when I go places to frequent black-owned businesses, and what I have also learned now is that there are more and more black-owned businesses that won't tell you that they're black-owned business to put to prevent a stigma from happening, and also there are some people now that are l labeling themselves as black-owned and they're not that are not because they know the power of the black dollar, yeah, and so it's there's a lot of ancient people that identify as black or black earned that.
SPEAKER_05Stop lying a lot.
SPEAKER_00You don't want to be black, okay, yeah, and there's a lot of um white-owned establishments that are having more and more black general managers or managers for there because that's their way in, so you don't know that it's not black-owned, but it appears to be.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, because when when that came out, so you know when the whole guy, the the boy who got shot by the Asian man like followed him out of the store because he thought he was stealing Trayvon Martin. No, no, no, no, no. This was just this this year. Um, and so a lot of because when they were boycotting the Asian businesses, because it's kind of like y'all don't see us as lives anyway, a lot of Asian businesses were saying black-owned business, but they really were were not black-owned businesses because of the boycott against Asian businesses, because of the shooting that occurred to that teenager, um, because an Asian store owner thought that the teenager was stealing.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, they quit. Yeah, they quit by it. So that's not that's the first time that that has happened. Where where an Asian store owner owner has killed killed a child, a child or the assault stealing stealing. I'm sorry, sorry, it's cost stealing someone, not killing somebody, not taking a life.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, I a hundred percent agree. No, no, no, no, pick on meow meow. So much going on in the world.
SPEAKER_03I tell you, it is, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot. So that's why we have to look at things, and like when we are able to spend time with those who we love, when we are able to enjoy spending time with our girlfriends, with our family members, with the ones we love, doing things that make us smile because life already is hard enough. And so, how can we get to a place where we are able to balance all of the negativity that's in the blogs, in the news, and everywhere else? We have to be able to let the steam off some type of way. And I really feel, you know what? This came up in my mind when you all were here, and I know we talk about this a lot on the on the show, but when people say they don't have girlfriends, I do not understand it. Like I just cannot wrap my mind around it. Even both days I found myself getting tearful, just like in my own mind, like I felt myself getting terrible because I said I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and support systems around me who would show up, who would come, who would be here, who would help me, who if I got a phone, if I call, they're gonna talk to me, and I would do the same for them. I was just like, I couldn't imagine my life without having my crew. I I don't even know what that would look like. And for people to say that they've never experienced that or they've always had bad um experiences with girlfriends, I don't understand it. I I honestly I don't. You can have bad experiences with girlfriends. I think about the people who say, no, I don't have girlfriends.
SPEAKER_00You can't, you if you're a woman with a lot of friends, that it's like a negative thing, like you can't have, oh, you can't just say, um, I matter of fact, I I had this conversation, so I was in a group and somebody had posted, which would you rather have um 10 friends you can just go have fun with, or one loyal friend. I said, 10 friends I can go have fun with that are loyal. And I said it does, and I said it does exist because I have it. And I'm like you, Cortina. I I just don't know. I feel like I'm grateful that I I can debunk that myth, but I also my question to women who say those things is what kind of friend are you? See, I I know how to show up as a friend, and I don't have false expectations of my friend, I don't even expect reciprocity from my friends because we are all in varying levels of our life, but reciprocity and loyalty look two are two distinct differences, and so you can be loyal, have integrity, but that doesn't equate to reciprocity because reciprocity, I don't want my friend to have to do exactly what I do for them because I'm me and I'm gonna show up how I want to, and that's how my friends are with me. They're not gonna be like because I I did it because she did it, and because that's childish. What then you are learn how to be a friend, and you can be the magnet for friendships. I'm low maintenance, I tell people quick, I'm a low maintenance friend, you need to be a low maintenance friend. I'ma show up when it's needed, I'ma show, but don't expect conversations every day. Don't well, of course, I mean I I send my my prayers, but outside of that, I don't need to speak to you every single day. I mean, no, I'm just not. But when that when it matters, I'll be there I'll be there. I'll be there, yeah. Like I never left, yeah, yeah, yeah. But but that's my thing is when whenever women say that, my question to them is what kind of friend are you? What kind of expectations are you setting for these women that are in your life?
SPEAKER_05Because here's speech into it, is this is but you know what?
SPEAKER_00But that goes back to but that also goes back to what I wrote about my pedestal philosophy. You're putting all of these people on a pedestal, and you can't even measure up to the kind of friend that you are looking for. You can't, so you you're gonna have to understand that to me, relationships are like marriages, it takes work, it takes commitment. It doesn't, and I don't know, no marriage that is reciprocal. Sometimes it's gonna be 80, 20, sometimes it's 60, 40, sometimes that new LMA song 100.
SPEAKER_03That that is the song right there.
SPEAKER_00Oh, girl, that's my song. I'm gonna have to love that song. She's her whole album. Let me tell you, her whole album is fire, like it's a place just play it. That when it first came out, I played the entire album, and that one I was like, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03And she's a school.
SPEAKER_00It's called 100. I'm sending it to you right now, yeah. So but but I'm like you look, um Cortina, it it makes me tear up often when I think about how precious my tribe is to me. And and I'm gonna always look at you know, I'm I'm always gonna do that self-check because I want to know that you know what, where am I flawed in this if I do find like I'm offended by something and why? Because it's a term, it's it's it's a personal thing because I don't know, I don't have people in my in my circle that want to deliberately hurt me. So, but I I were you know, I worry about women who feel like they can't be friends with other women. That says more about them than it does about me.
SPEAKER_03So you can't find one, like you can't find like none of one, but you know, there's a problem because there are some people that only want tens in their friendship, so you don't really like her, you only want her to be your friend because she fits your aesthetic. I think that is just the most shallow way of looking at everything. That's why you're failing at friendships because you're going into it with the wrong premise. Oh, they they don't wear what I wear, they don't wear designer, oh, they don't do this. Like, who goes into that teamu?
SPEAKER_00Come on, wear your teamu out look at she over there. The girl, you gotta listen to it after we're done, but we're wrapping up anyway because it's it's been the top of the hour. Where can everybody find you at, Diana?
SPEAKER_05You can find me Diana Virginia. Come on, girls and all empowering empowered platforms, and also and Dr.
SPEAKER_03Louis. You can find me at the Girlfriend Therapist on all social media platforms and the new R, you know, I R Center on all social media platforms as well.
SPEAKER_00What is that? What's the new one?
SPEAKER_03Smile Facilitation Services.
SPEAKER_00Okay, uh you can find me on all social media flat well platforms at I Am Dr. P Gurling. Thank you so much for tuning in. And let me also tell you before we leave, y'all, I had to laugh at so many, and Diana had to tell me to stop clapping back from the men's the the when we have the men on. We don't piss people, we I pissed so many men off asking about their channel. Yeah, girl. They said the comments are still coming in. I was like, you know what? They you know, you gotta understand that when we are posting clips, you got to go see the entire episode to get the context. I don't care, roll it to that point, but get the whole context before you start clapping back because um I can be unfiltered real fast. And Diana was like, No, Pam, don't say anything. And I wasn't being rude, but I at the end of the day, um, if you don't have the right context and you're only watching a clip, then you are coming onto a female's play, a female-led platform that you have zero context to. And so we appreciate that we appreciated that you decided to tune in and shared it over oh my god, over 10k views. Oh wow, oh wow.
SPEAKER_07Okay, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so the other part is what won't be tolerated is name calling. Because that's what made me really be like, you know, the the moment that I saw being called a bitch, I was like, Oh, yeah, what we what we won't be doing is this. This is a professional platform, and you can take your little raggedy-ass comments somewhere else if you think that I won't say you know, that you that I won't say anything back, I know, but I wouldn't know. We still appreciate you tuning in, but yeah, but we do have the right context before you do something. We are on, you know, just go to our YouTube channel, check it out, download it on any of the podcast platforms or even on our Patreon, and you would be you would be able to get better context when we were talking about the group chat and what that really entailed. We don't really care what goes on in the group chat, not once. But and we also love the fact that our husbands are friends. That's the other part about having there, we're coming. We're gonna have them all back. I said, you know what, we're gonna have to have them all back.
SPEAKER_05I know that's what I said.
SPEAKER_00We're gonna plan ahead of time, but we're gonna we're we're going to have all the men back, uh, and have a good conversation. So and and keep the conversation going.
SPEAKER_03Uh and also, guess where one of the best places to retire is?
SPEAKER_00Where, Belize, really, we didn't be able to do it.
SPEAKER_03Make me think about it because I was like, Oh, we were there, it's one of the number one places to retire abroad changed my blood type or something because them mosquitoes was tearing my ass up.
SPEAKER_05We gotta we gotta deep the deep.
SPEAKER_03I have deep and specifically. I met a lady who retired there. She was um from the US, she was black, and that's where she lived. And I was like, Oh my gosh, you know, because you guys know I don't eat fish, but there I was like, oh my gosh, it's what it's so seasoned. I need somebody somebody, but I ate, I tried it there. I'm not gonna try it, but I'm very particular, it has to be fried a certain way, but there, their fish, the way that it was seasoned.
SPEAKER_00I was like, they did they did their thing that they did the uh you know because you know it's real fish.
SPEAKER_03What are we doing? We got some African and Caribbean, is and Spanish, it's like the best of all the worlds in their spices, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So, yeah, when we going back, okay. We're gonna have to end this stream so we can have a conversation. But yeah, we'll we'll be back the same time, same place next week.
SPEAKER_03We gotta keep it quiet on the creek.
SPEAKER_00Lord have mercy. We will see y'all next Wednesday, same time, same place. Thank you for tuning in. And as always, we love you know, we love interacting with you all, so you know, keep the comments coming. And of course, as we always say, Cheers.
SPEAKER_01This is Herspiration's happy hour.
