(With Whale accent) Welcome to Weird Animal Facts: Explicit. (Normal voice). In case you aren’t fluent in whale; that was welcome to Weird Animal Facts: Explicit. This is a show dedicated to the weird, odd, unusually, gross and often times disturbing facts about animals. Although I guess today I should say “whale-come”. Why? Because February 20th of this 2022 year is World Whale Day! That means today we’re talking about whales, we’re learning about whales, we’re wishing there were more whale, we’re wishing we were a whale! And soon we’ll learn that being called a whale is actually a completement…well it should be! My name is Deidre and I have seen a whale before. In fact I’ve seen multiple species of whales. Mostly in aquariums (since with my zoo employment meant I usually got in for free), but I’ve also seen whales of in the wild! I’ve even seen dolphins fucking in the wild. Who technically you could say are whales. Dolphins aren’t whales, they’re porpoises. You’re wrong and then you’re right. And to explain let’s go to the world of classification! (Kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species).
Fun Fact: Whales are in the same order as even-toed ungulates. Artiodactyla.
(Kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus, species). Between order and family is a sneaky little devil that goes by the name of infraorder. That! The infraorder; is where whales reside. And only whales. Here’s a quick list of whales just for your reference; and take a shot for each species name you recognize (all you marine bio kids about to get drunk): Sperm whale, right whale, humpback whale, orcas; including killer whales, dolphins, river dolphins, grey whale, Atlantic spotted dolphin, pygmy sperm whale, beluga, narwal, fin whale, blue whale and many more.
All those animals we just listed are whales (are you drunk yet?). And whales are all in the infraorder of cetacea.
Please note: that neither the manatee nor whale shark are whales. Therefore, we will not discuss them in today’s episode…except for in this moment now… Back to the show.
There are two suborders of whales in the world. Toothed whales and baleen whales. Are you keeping up so far? There’s the order of even toed ungulates that oddly also includes whales: artiodactyla. Then there’s the infraorder of only whales: cetacea. Then it breaks off into two suborders: Toothed whales and baleen whales. Or for you sciencie nerds out there who want to hear me suffer through pronouncing Latin worlds in a poor attempt to summon the Kraken; Odontoceti and Mysticeti. And that’s as far as we’re going in out taxonomy journey for the day.
As for the day: World Whale Day, started in 1980 in Hawaii because of the Pacific Whale Foundation so to raise awareness for Humpback whales and their ocean home, since then all whales have been included in the celebration. And it’s a good thing too, because incase you didn’t know whale are dying. But before we get into the sad shit, let’s do what any good movie does before they pull you down the emotional trauma train and surprised sadness and put a great big smile of misleading happiness on your innocent face first.
There are nearly 100 species of known whales in the world. About 77 of those are in the toothed whale gang and the remaining 15 are baleen whales. But how can you tell the difference as whales don’t normally breach while flashing their charismatic smile for us to see or not see their pearly whites. There are a few differences between the baleen and toothed whale. First baleen whales, such as the commonly known blue whale, and humpback whale have baleen in their mouths, and not teeth…That should be obvious, but if you’re on a boat at sea trying not to throw up while whale watching, then you’ll be able to tell a baleen whale from a toothed by their size. Baleen whales are typically much larger. After all baleen whales are also called ‘great whales!’ And baleen whales are so great they even have and extra blow hole. Two holes to be exact.
Now let’s learn about the toothed whales. These whales have teeth; the better to murder you with. Cause they are motherfucking predators. Dolphins, killer whales; need I say more!
Back to baleen whales as they are seen as chill since they use their baleen ‘teeth’ (because that’s what they are, they’re made of keratin after all), to filter the ocean water and eat some very small critters. Which is incredibly weird to think about: the largest animals on the entire planet eat some of the smallest of things such as krill, some will eat fish but most rely on zooplankton and phytoplankton!
And not its time to play; what’s the difference! In today’s episode we’ll find out what’s the difference between zooplankton and phytoplankton; and why you shouldn’t just say plankton. There’s a difference! And to figure out the difference is as easy as looking at the word. Zooplankton has the word zoo in it. You know like zoology; the study of animals. While phytoplankton has the Greek world phyto in it meaning plant. That’s the difference! Tiny animals and tiny plants.
Fun Fact: The word plankton comes from the same Greek word that translates to mean ‘wander’ or ‘drifter’. Because they can’t swim real well so they just float along with the tides.
That’s what baleen whales eat! These tiny microscopic zooplankton and phytoplankton! And even though this is the whale episode; one thing we keep hitting on, especially this season is the fact that this world is an ecosystem. That means its all connected. When we let the world do its job, then it becomes a better place for all to live. This means don’t murder ways. Looking at you Captain Ahab.
“They think me mad-Starbuck does; but I’m demoniac, I am madness maddened!”
I would agree. That anyone who choses to murder a giant whale is mad or just has a very tiny dick. After all we don’t hear much about woman murdering giant whales, do we?
The murdering of whales, or as the advertisers would more call it so to make it not sound as menacing is whaling. Whaling simply sounds like a nice sunny afternoon floating on a catamaran along the clear blue sea in hopes of spotting a whale in the horizon. When really what whaling is taking a giant ass, sharp pointy harpoon and propelling it through the skin of an innocent whale so to murder it. But they didn’t and don’t just use harpoons, there are multiple other torture devices that are used and some of the names of these devices sound as awful as their purpose: blubber hook, throat-chain, chain-strap, head-strap, and blubber mincing knife.
Whaling has been around for over 4,000 years thanks to the Norwegians and Japanese. On the plus side, they did use nearly all of the whale parts, so…I guess that makes up for. The thing is whaling is still happening today. And just like how ocean fishing is a hard thing for officials to monitor and regulate, so is whaling. It’s a big, big wet ocean out there. So big that it can be easy to illegally murder a giant whale and get away with it.
Shitting Fact: in 1982 the International Whaling Commission called for a temporary stop of commercial whaling. Can you guess which two countries said no. Norway and Japan.
Better Fact: Some species of whales have benefited from the International Whaling Commission’s call to stop hunting whales and one is the easter Pacific gray whale!
I get why you, a once zookeeper and the host of an animal podcast care are whales. But why should the rest of us care. They’re just giant fish hundreds of miles, if not more, away from me. They have no impact on my life.
Yeah, they do! They have way more of and impact then you even realize. Remember just a little bit ago when I mentioned the ecosystem? Well, he’s how whales impact the ecosystem. And by the way, you live in the ecosystem if that helps to relate everything back to you, after all us humans are rather self-absorbed. Whales live in the ocean. This we know. Phytoplankton also lives in the ocean. This you should also already know.
Baleen whales will dive and keep in mind that some can dive as deep 2,000 meters and some even deeper (by the way that’s like 12 times the height of the Washington Monument, but underwater). And the largest whale is the blue whale who can be nearly 100 feet long (that’s like a ten-story building). Imagine this 100-foot whale swimming down and back up (and the reason why they need to come back up is…any guesses? To breath. They’re a mammal. Duh! They need to breath air).
Now if you’ll recall you in a pool, diving down and then back up, you’ll find that when you dive and then come back up, the water around you moves. For you in the pool it might be that random band-aid that flows and follows the current that your dive created, but for whales they are helping to mix the ocean, similarly to how you mix the dressing in your salad. But whales aren’t mixing in that balsamic vinegar, their natural diving helps to circulate nutrients which is important for the phytoplankton that they eat. And guess what that tasty nutrients is…Whale shit!
Fun Fact: Whales come up to the surface to shit. Then after they get that breath of air, down they dive and some of that ‘nutrients’ comes with them helping to nourish all of Triton’s creates at every level of the sea.
Before we continue in on why whales are so gosh darn important, we need to learn just a bit more about phytoplankton. Time to Learn! As we learned earlier phytoplankton are plants. And these tiny plants are basically microalgae. And a very important thing that all plants do is photosynthesis. You remember what that is right?
And now its time to play: Guess that scientific vocabulary term you learn about in grade school but forgot. What is it called when plants absorb carbon dioxide AKA CO2 then convert that CO2 in to oxygen for us to breath? Photosynthesis. Correct!
And now time for the bonus round: The increase of carbon dioxide trapped in the Earth’s atmosphere is due to a term called…Green house effect. That’s correct!
Whales, help to maintain the health of phytoplankton and because phytoplankton is a plant, they are capable of storing A LOT and I mean A LOT of CO2. Meaning the more phytoplankton there is the less CO2 there’ll be in our atmosphere. Meaning the more whales there are the more healthy phytoplankton will be and less CO2 in the world minimizing the threat of climate change.
Climate change is real people and the whales are our savory! Whales help to provide half the oxygen we breath! That’s 50%! Because if there’s more whales helping to increase phytoplankton, not only is phytoplankton storing CO2 but they are also pumping out all that fresh oxygen for us to breath. Every other breath you take you ought to be thanking a whale!
This is why we need to protect whales. Why we need to stop murdering them, and why we need to care. Whales affect us in a much larger scale then we ever realized. And when we think of whales dying we typically think of whaling. And yes, whaling is still a huge issue today, but its not the only nor the greatest threat to whales. Right whales, for example, who got that name because they were the “right whale for hunting,” their population dropped nearly 10% in the last decade. Why? Of the right whales caucuses that scientist where able to document found that their deaths were due to either entanglement in fishing gear or vessel strikes.
The vessel strikes proved to be extremely deadly to calves, meaning less young to grow up and produce more offspring and increase their numbers. But what’s more heartbreaking (you know, incase you wanted something to really cry about) are the whales that die from getting entangled in fishing line. Of the seafood we eat, it can be hard to monitor them and keep them from just tossing over broken or torn line overboard. After all they don’t have a need for a broken net, what’s that going to do when it come to catching fish? But now all that rope and netting is in the ocean and if a whale or really any animal swims into it can kill them. And I’m not talking about a fast painless death, they are entangled. Imagine running through the woods in search for the road with someone’s entire bag of dirty laundry tangled around your body and no matter what you do, you just can’t get it off. Then add the fact that whales are basically dealing with that but underwater and they can’t breathe underwater so they could suffocate.
These are the threats that whales and all ocean life are facing on a daily basis. But good news! You can help! One of the easiest and best things you can do to help is by simply going to an accredited aquarium. In the United States, for example we have the Association of Zoos and Aquariums commonly called AZA. There’s the WAZA the World Association of zoos and aquariums. There’s also ZAA, Zoos and Aquarium Association of Australasia, and Europe as EAZA, European Association of Zoos and Aquaria. The reason why you should only go to an aquarium or zoo that has been accredited by one of these associations is because they have very high standards when it comes to their members. Such as where the animals come from and how they care for the animals.
Just like its important to know where your food comes from or to shop locally you need to know if the place you are giving your money to is going to spend that money on protecting those animals and their natural habitat or if they’re going to use it to pay poachers who capture these animals illegally. Your dollar can make a difference. And if you still need help figuring out if there an accredited aquarium or zoo near you then I’ve made it easy, in the episode description you’ll find a link to WAZA’s website that will help you find an aquarium or zoo near you that means these high standards of care for their animals. And if you find that you love your visit that much then consider purchasing an annual membership as aquariums and zoos use a large bit of their money to donate to conservation causes and some have some of their own conservation programs that you can learn more about by just visiting or asking.
But if you’d like to see whales in the wild by let’s, say going on a whale watching tour, then its also important to know how to do that correctly. As you don’t want to be giving your money to whalers who use whale tours as a front. To ensure you’re whale watching experience is the best for both you and the animals the International Whaling Commission has a handy acronym you can remember when asking questions: SCORE. Safety, Conservation, On board education, Regulations, Environment and they threw in and extra C for community. Now these are very long and important things I could go over but because the International Whaling Commission has it all written out perfectly, I’ll add a link in the episode description for you to click on and learn exactly what to ask so not to get thrown overboard and fed to the fishes.
-And please don’t feed me to the fishes as I literally butcher some scientific names: Scientific Names are Hard.
Right whale: Eubaleana glacialis
Humpback whale: Megaptera novaeangliae
Blue whale: Balaenoptera musculus
Sperm whale: Physeter macrocephalus
Orca: Orcinus orca
Amazon River Dolphin: Inia geoffrensis
Now, I know that this episode is a bit shorter but that just means you now have more time to go visit your local aquarium or learn more about responsible whale watching. Hell, you may even have time to finish ready Moby Dick. Whatever you decide to do, just be sure it’s positive for the whales and (whale accent) Stay weird.