64. Hedgehog and Chinese Water Dragon

We finish off the month of February by celebrating Responsible Pet Ownership Month with a look at the weird side of exotic pets. Hedgehogs and Chinese Water Dragon.

In case you don't want to listen to this episode or if you only half listen as you try to get through your twelve hour shift with my voice in the background, then let me give you a simple synopsis: research! Whatever animal you want to bring into your home and add to your family you will need to do RESEACH! Listening to this episode of Weird Animal Facts is a good start but you will definitely need to do more and chat with your household.

If you find that you are interested in brining in a new animal family member to her home and have listened to all the Responsible Pet Ownership Month episodes and still have questions then please feel free to reach out to me through any of our social media.

If you're looking into getting lights or other products for your pet; here's a good resource: especially for lights!
https://zoomed.com/

Scientific names
Africa Pygmy Hedgehog: Ateleric albivensis
Chinese Water Dragon: Physignathus cocincinus

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Transcript

Are you there at home thinking about bringing a new pet in to your home? If so then look no further then RESEACH! That’s right, especially if you want to be a mommy or daddy to an exotic pet. No I am not talking about bringing a monkey, serval or alligator into your home; as cool as it would be to have a guard gator living in the moat that surrounds your suburban home-no! In today’s episode of Wilde Animal Facts Explicit we celebrate Responsible Pet Ownership Month by learning about two exotic animal species that you really and I mean really need to do some studying up on before you bring one into your home. So don’t be an idiot and listen up!

My name is Deidre, and as someone who has worked as a zookeeper for ten years as well as have been an owner to many pets throughout my lifetime: dog, cat, parakeet, hamster, rat, mouse, and even a real cool green anole lizard. And since I worked in the Ambassador animals during my zoo career, that meant that quiet a lot of the animals I cared for are known to be pets. 

Now, I know I’m going to say this a lot today, but its because its very, very important; before you get any animal as a pet you need to do your research! As in more then just listening to this podcast. Oh, and maybe ask the people that you live with. After all not everyone can tolerate the random cat ass in the face first thing in the morning, nor opening the freezer to a bag of frozen mice carcasses to feed your snake. Just like when you bring a child into your home there are many qualities you need to have, or quickly learn; such as patients and understanding. If not then you’re pretty much setting up yourself to fail and possibly that animal to die. And the only good dead animal is the one on between two buns!

If you turned in earlier this month then you learned that February is Responsible Pet Ownership Month! Where the first week of February we talked about two domestic animals; two animals that are normally around human and has been pretty much since humans became the competent beings we are now. But for this last week of February we will learn about wo exotic pet species that are for the much more experienced pet owner. That’s right don’t just get an animal just because you think I’d be cool or cute: save that for your Dungeons and Dragons campaign, in the real world you need to do your research and know just what kind of care and sanity it takes to care for an exotic pet. And the two animals we’ll be discussing today are the weird and spiky hedgehog and the beautifully complicated Chinese Water Dragon.

**Hedgehog- A literally living ball of spikes! For those of you familiar with Sege’s video game speedy blue super hero Sonic the Hedgehog, then you sort of know what a hedgehog looks like. And I say sort of because; hedgehogs are neither blue, nor, all that fast. But what they did get right are the spikes and the fact that they do roll up in to a ball. If you live in the States and have played this video game Sonic the hedgehog looks like a made-up creature from a mythical land. But for those that live in Europe knows that a hedgehog is real thing; because they have wild hedgehogs! And there is a difference.

The wild European hedgehogs are larger then the ones that are common to have as a pet, and actually are a darker brown as they need to camouflage... well, actually, I don’t know if hedgehogs really need to as they are covered in spikes!

And I would like to take this opportunity to clear up a myth regarding spiked animals. And if you listened to the North American Porcupine episode then you may already know this, but those spikes can’t shoot off. And unlike the north American porcupine, hedgehogs don’t loose the spikes. Well, they aren’t really supposed to; like the thinner ones bordering their smooshy exposed belly and booty are easier to lose, but the spines (as they are called) on there back are pretty much stuck. But yet, its just made out of keratin.

Keratin! The miracle protein structure of life! Its in skin, its in fingernails, claws, teeth, horns, antlers and yes even hair! Keratin; you’d look pretty freaky without it.

But instead of shooting out their spines (because they can’t do that) hedgehogs will make them jump. Kind of. As I said earlier, their belly doesn’t have spikes on it so its got to protect that; after all there are some brave, or maybe I should say stupid yet lucky animals out there who will eat a hedgehog and when they do they go after them where there are no spikes; belly, legs or face. So to protect one’s self the hedgehog will roll in to a ball and will do a super sonic spin attack at its enemy-NO! No they simply roll in a ball, super tight, then; using the muscles all along its back will cause the spikes to bounce. These muscles they use, which I will not try to pronounce, are a similar to when a cat is pissed and it lifts the hair on its back or even when you get the sense that a spooky ghost is in the room with you and sets its creepy empty hand on your shoulder and you get goosebumps. Its kind of like that. But where we have no control over when our goosebumps rise or how a cat, doesn’t really decide to lift its neck hair; hedgehogs have complete and voluntary control over those muscles. Meaning, if a scary ass predator, or your toddler baby gets too close the hedgehog simply rolls up, which then makes those spines stand up on end, and appear much pointier, thanks to the muscles that have made them ridged then will makes this, almost hissing noise (which I will imitate) while it pushes up those spines (Deidre makes pissed off hedgehog noise). 

This behavior is one that all hedgehogs do; from the wile European to the more domesticated one that has descended from the African pygmy hedgehog. And I don’t say domesticated as hedgehogs, and most exotic pets haven’t been around humans long enough for us to really fuck with their genetic in the same way we turned the vicious wolf in to a pug. But that doesn’t mean that we haven’t tried. And in trying, you can come across some massive errors. I have worked with some hedgehog individuals whose genes weren’t on the winning end of things. Most hedgehogs lives around 4 to 6 years where some of these unfortunate dudes only stuck around for a couple. 

In my personal opinion, which hedgehogs, maybe humans should have stayed out of it. Why? Genetic diversity! Think about those kennel clubs for dogs. Pure breed dogs tend to have a higher risk of greater health issues. Some, like the bulldog, we just fucked up their frame and shape so much that they simply get issues like hip dysplasia. And since pure breeds need to have only the purest of bloodlines, and by purest they just mean their own, so that leads to breeding sibling with uncles, and grandchildren with second cousins. And it doesn’t take a geneticist to guess what issues may arise from that. 

At least with dogs, we’ve been doing it so long that there is a decently large selection German Shepard’s out there that’s their family tree doesn’t get too fucked up…well, at least not yet. What is good about the kennel clubs is that they have the entire family tree on Wasabi the Pekingese. Meaning they know who fucked Wasabi’s great, great, great grandmother, where when I ask for my heritage record, I’m told that my grandma would always claim we were descends of John Handcock, but the fact that she also always won at Monopoly tells me that Grandma might have been a bit shady. 

Hedgehog breeding can be kind of like that. Backyard breeding as its commonly called, is when Joe-shome lets his pet hedgehog fuck whoever just so that he can sell those babies for money. Don’t get me wrong this is not all hedgehog breeder, but quite a lot of them. And if that breeder is only looking to make a buck, then the chances of them housing and caring for that hedgehog at the level it needs can be rather poor. I will say that pet stores, even like Petco and Petsmart or okay for getting yourself a pet hedgehog, but the best is from a respectable and reputable breeder. For example, here in the United States: if that breeder has a USDA license then that means they are caring and keeping the hedgehogs they breed to the standards that the USDA recommends or even higher. Hopefully higher as some of the USDA guidelines can be a bit questionable as its not required for certain breeders to have a license according to the Animal Welfare Act. And there’s a lot to the Animal Welfare Act, which we will not be getting into.

Fun Fact: Zoos and Aquariums around America that are accredited by the Association of Zoos and Aquarium (AZA) also are accredited by USDA. That means there are more rule and regulations that Zoos and Aquariums need to follow then there are Spidermen in the Marvel Universe. 

Let’s say you found yourself a good quality hedgehog breeder and are ready to bring this new critter into your family…well, are you ready? Because it might surprise how unprepared you are. After all; do you know what they eat? How often to feed them? What kind of bedding they need to live on? Do they need bedding? Do they need an enclosure? Will my cat try to eat it? Do I give it water in a bowl or a sippy cups you hand from the fencing? How big of fencing? How tall? Do I need fencing? Does it need a hole to live in? Do they climb? Are they lazy? What’s their favorite Jonas Brother’s song? What if I hate Jonas Brothers? Will it be easy to transition my new hedgehog’s music taste into something that’s actually good and is a member of the Rock and Roll Hall of fame?

Okay: let’s break this down. Before you bring any animal into your home, you need to do some research; which include the following. 1) What is this animal’s natural history? That means what is their wild counterpart like. That means learn a little bit about African Pygmy Hedgehogs because they are a bit different then European Hedgehogs. 2) What is this animal’s individual history? Is a young, old? Was it a baby making machine looking to retire? Did its parents have any health issues? (You know sort of like the same stuff you try to decipher on a first date). Finally, 3) Based on the information I just found out, about natural history and individual history will I be able to support, and care for this animal safely and financial? And that’s it.

For a hedgehog, they’re insectivore who are nocturnal. Meaning, in addition to having a bag of insectivore chow (which is just like bag of dogfood, but for hedgehogs) you’ll also have a container of live mealworms in your refrigerator probably right next to your butter. And since they’re nocturnal and very active, they are going to moving around lot! Not necessarily fast, but a lot, so if noises keep you up at night, you might not want to keep them in your room. Oh! And they have really tiny and weird feet so you can’t just put a wire hamster wheel in there as they’re toes and nails can get stuck. 

Speaking of getting stuck, they may look like cute chunky round balls of spikes but their heads are tiny and sometimes they like to put their head into holes just to see if they fit. They don’t always fit. Like fencing. They’re head can get stuck. If you want to give them a toy, don’t give them a toilet paper tube because they’ll try to put their head in there then get stuck. Then they’ll freak out. That’s no fun. And if they’re freaking out then that means they’re stressed and when I get stress I usually have to poop. Same thing with most living things. And hedgehogs already poop quite a bit; trust be, of all the animals I have worked with I have been pooped on the most by hedgehogs. And their shit stinks. So if you want a pet hedgehog…good luck.

**Chinese Water Dragon- Sounds majestic, doesn’t it? But just like anything that holds impressive beauty and power will require a lot of attention. Unlike that tiny hedgehog who, in comparison to a child is rather easy to care for, the water dragon is not for the novice: neither is a child but condoms break all the time! Luckily if your condom malfunctions you won’t be popping out a scaley lizard baby. So consider the information you are about to hear as your exotic animal Trojan protection. And we’ll even throw a little KY jelly on there to for her pleasure.

Just what is a Chinese Water Dragon? Well it’s not an actual dragon; sorry. Chinese Water Dragon are a southeastern Asia lizard that can get about 3 feet long which is as larger then most house cats; and way cuter too! Normally green a water dragon looks like your typical lizard that’s resembles an iguana. Because it is an iguana.

Iguana know more!

Fun Fact: Iguanomorpha is the name of the infraorder that all iguanas fall in. (Kingdom, phylum, class, order, family genus, species) And as a reminder infraorder falls after the order but before the family. 

Double Fun Fact: In the state of Florida, when it gets too cold the Florida iguanas will literally fall from the trees.  (Its raining Iguanas! Hallelujah!)

And with that second fun fact in mind as well as the location as to which Chinese Water Dragons are found should indicate to you that they like it warm. As most reptiles do. Meaning if you live somewhere cold and want a Chinese Water Dragon or really any reptile as a pet then you’re gonna have spend some extra money to keep your Emperoress Princess nice a warm. And humid! So even if you live in the desert, you’re gonna have to use more money to shower this darling in some moisture. 

Sure this sounds easy enough: heat and humidity. That’s super easy! (Laughing) Let’s start with the heat. First; how do you heat it?-Wait, wait, wait. This is actually more complicated then that. Let me paint a picture by giving you a real life example from my recent life. As some of you know my roommate Emily and I, as well as our dogs, have just moved from a tiny noisy apartment to a large peaceful house. And it being winter and cold we need to stay warm so that we, nor our dogs die. To do that we can do a couple of things. 1) put on more clothes, or 2) turn on the heat. While in our tiny apartment it was easy to heat that little space, but this house! It takes a bit longer, and more money! So if its not too cold then we just put on more clothes and then put sweaters on our dogs. And if we stop feeling our toes and fingers then we turn the heat on. 

For a reptile; who is cold blooded. We can’t put a sweater on them, because they don’t produce their own heat. So sure those Pinterest images of bearded dragons with little jackets on little real cute, that’s all it is…cute. It does nothing to keep them warm. So for our Chinese Water Dragon friend, we’ll need to crank up the heat. And just like it takes more energy to heat my house very my old apartment, since a water dragon can grow up to 3 feet long, would mean that an adequate sized home for them would be four to six feet long, 6 feet tall and 3 to 4 feet deep. That’s about the size of an RV shower and can take up quiet a bit of space in your home. So make sure you have the space! 

I have a question. Why does their enclosure have to be so tall? Well, if you’ve done your research on the Chinese Water dragon’s natural history then you’ll know that they are arboreal. They live in the trees! And like to climb. What if I get a baby? Then I don’t need as big of an enclosure. Well sure but what about when it grows up. How long does that take? A Chinese water dragon can live close to twenty years. Oh! So I have some time. Yes, but you better make sure you actually get a bigger enclosure for it before its too late. 

While you’re heating your new baby, not only do you need to proper light bulbs (which are their own complication: what wattage is it? Does it actually give off heat? What’s the energy usage as I’m a poor ass motherfucker? And do those lights give off UVA and/or UVBs? Because those are extremely important.

Unlike your lazy pasty white ass who only goes outside to check the mail box; most reptiles do what’s called basking in the sun for hours a day. That means as a reptile with their amazing scales they need more vitamin D3 then we do. And just like us humans who don’t get enough Vitamin D, AKA sunlight; it can lead to us to have a loss in bone density and so amount of milk will fix that. This same thing will happen to reptiles. So they need to UV bulbs. And a good site to check out is Zoo Med. They’ve got all different types of bulb for your learning brain to explore. 

Speaking of lights, don’t forget about the photoperiod. Imagine if you lived in a cave that was pitch black for years. Or maybe you lived on a fully lit sitcom set where the lights never dimmed. Either way, living in that sort of non-changing photoperiod environment can really fuck with you…or your lizard. So don’t be a dick and leave your lizard’s light on 24/7. That’s not cool. Have it follow the cycle of the sun.

After listening to all this light talk and your eyes are growing wide as you think to yourself: Shit, that’s a lot information I’d need to know and furnish. (laughing) That’s just the tip of the iceberg for properly caring for a Chinese water dragon. In fact, with lighting, you can go down a very deep yet bright rabbit hole as you try to figure out what’s the best yet cheapest light you can use with your lizard queen. And yes, this is a rabbit hole I have gone down many times. And getting lost along the way. Because of that, we’re going to move on.

Humidity- its not just that inviable moist fog that fizzes your hair and makes you sweat between your ass crack and boobs. It’s very important for those tropical reptiles like our Chinese water dragon. It is true that there are many reptile pet species that are desert, which means too much humidity could really mess with their respiratory system, and yes, even a tropical lizard, who lives in nearly 80% humidity can get respiratory issues if you don’t make it just right. They’re basically like Goldilocks from the story with three bears but ten times more sensitive than a self-entitled Gen Z snowflake. And you better get them what they want, well in the water dragon’s case, needs. Because if you don’t they can really get sick and even hurt themselves.

The best way to protect your dragon is to set up a home for it to live as much of a stress free life as possible: have a big enough enclosure for it, proper lighting and humidity, give it perching to climb on, proper substrate that can help aid with that needed humidity, especially if you live in a dry area, make sure you feed it the right amount of food and the right food, have an exotic vet you can and do take it to for annual check ups and of course, clean its fucking house!

Not cleaning can led to parasites and even infections that can and often do find refuge on the skin of dragons. And if you’re stressing your dragon out too much, or even if that individual simply needs a bigger home to live happier in, it can literally hurt itself. Often time Chinese Water Dragons that become too stressed will begin to rub their snout of the side of their enclosure. And no matter how much padding you put up they will still rub their face on the walls, it doesn’t matter if its glass, wood, mesh or like I said; padding, some dragon will rub their face so much that they create great holes in their face that eventually lead to mouth rot. And trust me when I say this, as I have seen mouth rot on animals before, it is not a pretty thing, it looks painful, which I’m sure it is and typically if it gets bad enough the only ethical solution it to put them down which it heartbreaking to do. 

There is a solution to all this; just be an excellent care giver. Because the quality of your care is the quality of their life. And sure, going to a zoo or aquarium or maybe you even have friends who have cared for animals their entire life, and yes, they are going to make it look easy, but its not! It hard for most of us to keep a plant alive! The real reason isn’t because he have the black thumb of death, no, its because we haven’t taken the time to learn, how to keep that plant alive. 

I’m not going to be able to tell you whether or not you should get a new pet or what pet to give as any animal care professional will tell you that caring for a living breathing animal requires more then just the research, the proper housing, lighting, the correct food, but it also requires passion and love. The things we don’t like doing are things we aren’t passionate about. So my advise to you or anyone thinking about bringing any animal into your home; ask yourself if you are truly passionate about it because if you are, your passion is shine though the life you provide for that new family member and if not; you could be and will then have to watch the consequences of your actions unfold. And that can be the most heartbreaking thing to experience. 

Well only the second most heartbreaking thing: Scientific names are hard. 

Africa Pygmy Hedgehog: Ateleric albivensis
 Chinese Water Dragon: Physignathus cocincinus

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As someone who has worked with many animals, and have always had a great and deep passion for animals and nature, who dedicated four years of her life to study how to care for such animals then to commit and enough decade to applying and perfecting that knowledge into successful action I can tell you that its not for everyone. Not everyone will find joy in watching a snake drink from a water bowl, not everyone will frolic through a yard with twenty goats, nor can everyone stand calmly as a great horned owl swoops down to land beside you. This is not a path for everyone. It will be hard and it will be very stinky at times. For anyone who has a child, partner, parent, sibling will know the roller coaster of a ride of emotion they can easily take you on. A pet can and will take you on that ride; the only question is; can you handle it without vomiting up your lunch or murdering someone? If not, then don’t be said, don’t beat yourself up because even if you don’t have the passion, temperament or even finances to bring a new pet into your home, you can always experience animals and nature in multiple ways. You’ve always got your good ol’ buddy David Attenborough with it animal documentaries, I’m sure you have a friend or family member who has a pet you can visit and be the cool aunt to, hell you can even go to the zoo or aquarium, visit animals there and if that’s still not enough, go for a hike (like a real hike, not a brisk walk through the shopping center while holding a Starbucks cup in her hand). Immerse yourself in nature, just don’t fuck with the wildlife, that’s how people die. Take pictures and leave behind only footprints. 

Even if you aren’t ready or capable of being a pet parent yet, that’s okay. You can still love and support animals in may different ways. And that’s great. Because this world needs more people who care. And if you’re in the caring or giving mode then consider rating this podcast wherever you’re listening that way more people can find or rediscovery their love for animals and wildlife. Until next time; stay weird.