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She Built It® Podcast
Welcome to the She Built It® podcast. Join me as I talk to women who have successfully built it - a life and business that they love. We dive into the topic of “how” they built it and talk about everything from having the courage to make career leaps to the details of how to lead effectively, build teams, implement growth strategies, and infuse tech innovation. Magic happens when we focus on the part of ourselves and our business that brings us joy so let’s dive in.
She Built It® Podcast
Adoption Grants, Advocacy, and Building a National Nonprofit From Scratch
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On She Built It®, Becky Fawcett, founder and CEO of Helpusadopt.org, shares the deeply personal and fiercely honest story behind building a national multi-million dollar adoption grant program from her New York City apartment. After three miscarriages and a failed IVF journey, Becky found her way to adoption, and then turned her experience into a mission that has helped over 1,100 families and distributed more than $11 million in grants over 19 years.
Becky talks about what adoption actually costs, why she built Helpusadopt.org like a business from day one, the fundraising philosophy that has nothing to do with asking for money, and the conversations around infertility, adoption, and family building that she refuses to stop having, no matter who squirms.
If you want to donate, volunteer, or learn more, visit helpusadopt.org. Every dollar counts, and Becky means that.
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She Built It® CEO, Melanie Barr Instagram
Welcome to She Built It. I'm your host, Melanie Barr. Thank you for being here, Becky. What do most people misunderstand about the adoption funding grant and what needs to change?
SPEAKER_00When you first talk to someone, they think there's so many kids that need home. It's free and easy, right? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. It's not free. It's $50,000 to $80,000 these days. Some exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking, if you're going to adopt and you run into me and say, how much should I prepare for? I'm at least $50 and probably more, depending on the situation. And it is not easy. It's not easy. Even when things were less hectic in the adoption world 20 years ago, it still would take a year, would be a quick adoption. Now it's two to three and sometimes more years to adopt a child. In many cases, the kid's already alive. What are we doing? And no one can understand it. And that's not my role to change that. But seriously, what are we doing?
SPEAKER_01And you are helping so many families, and there's so many kids that need and want to find good homes. And there's so many mothers and parents that want to make a life for someone.
SPEAKER_00Sometimes when people meet me, they think that I'm going to get up on a soapbox and say, you have to adopt. You should not have a baby the old-fashioned way. You should not be pregnant. You really should adopt. The same way people say you should do whatever in judgment. And that is on you. If you think that's what I'm going to say when I meet you, you are absolutely wrong and you haven't been paying attention because I didn't want to adopt. And my girls know it. So don't even tell me I'm getting worse mother of the year. My kids know it because they know why. Because the world didn't want to talk about this 24 years ago. They didn't even want to talk about infertility, much less when infertility doesn't work. And then when you step out of your biological connection, people freak out. You're not going to connect with the baby. It's not going to be you. It's never going to be normal. People have their list of stuff as to why you shouldn't do this and be scared. And if you really pay attention, you realize that the people with all these judgments haven't adopted. That's just what they're telling you. So I didn't want to do this. And now the joke is I really wish I hadn't lived through IVF. That was terrible. Three miscarriages was terrible. But this was the greatest thing that ever happened. Jane and Brooke are the greatest things that ever happened in my life. My experience led to helpusadopt.org. And now there's 1,100 families. And the reason I don't necessarily want to talk you out of having a baby the old-fashioned way is this. I already have a line of people who want to adopt. Like you said, they already exist. They need a little money to get to the finish line. And that's what I do. So we're pro-family. That's our platform. And if I run into someone who just had a baby, I think that's wonderful. I think it's great that you were able to get pregnant. It's a miracle, right? But guess what? If you understand the experience, maybe you got pregnant easily. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you have a heart for someone who's really struggling. Maybe you would like to know about our work. Because all it takes is a little bit of your money and I can bring one of these kids home. And that's what I do. I don't say this is the way. It's not for everybody. Adoption is not for everybody. So it is very interesting how I get people who will cross the street when they see me in New York. I'll be like, oh God, don't talk to her. She's going to tell you you have to adopt.
unknownI'm not.
SPEAKER_00I would love you to be part of our organization and help someone's dream of parenthood come true and help some kid get a wonderful family, but I'm going to tell you how to build their family.
SPEAKER_01And thank you for talking about the things that not everyone is willing to talk about. And for that, that woman and that family that's desperately wanting to create a family but is struggling to build it, you have made that possible for them.
SPEAKER_00Well, me and a bunch of other people. But yeah, I'm I feel like I'm the Pied Piper who had this message. And then there's so many people who've climbed on board, which is the greatest honor that they think this machine that I've built is so good that they want to put their philanthropic dollars here and for my work team that they want to work here, which is great. Out of the gate, the thing that was so cool about building this, I built things. This is first I built a magazine. That was one job. I was hired to start a new magazine at an existing magazine. And then I left that and started a PR firm. And now this is probably my final build in my life. You get to make the rules. It's so cool. You especially in nonprofit work, which can be a little sloppy sometimes, terrible reputation. I got to build this thing like a business. And that's what's so exciting about building something that out of the gate, we can have a ton of money, but out of the gate, we made impact. Within six months, we made impact and changed lives. And then the amount of money has grown. And now we make impact every 60 days because we had a lot more money. But that's been the coolest thing is it wasn't a wait and see. It was the right mission statement, the right process, the right concept. And out of the gate, kids came home.
SPEAKER_01And helping thousands of families has to feel amazing for you and your team.
SPEAKER_00Over $11 million in 19 years. It's a nonprofit, so you don't get investors. It doesn't work that way. And I had $20,000, which I really didn't have because I was doing my second adoption. But I knew that why on earth would anybody believe in this idea if I didn't believe in it in a big way and risk my money going out the door. And I knew my money wouldn't go out the door, but other people don't know that. This was only a $20,000 investment. Now we're a $4.2 million organization.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Wow, it's amazing. Tell us more about what you're building and the challenges that you're facing today. Raising money is hard.
SPEAKER_00And whether you're a for-profit or nonprofit, that's what people don't understand. I am basically the same as a for-profit looking for investors, except you're investing in the work we do. Your money goes to work for us. Your money might help us bring on an extra team member that will help us grow to sustain our growth for the future. And the return on your investment in philanthropic work is the good in the world that you wanted to see happen, happens because of you. And so you have to share those stories with donors. But a lot of people don't call me a founder. When I say, Oh, I want to join this women's group of founders, they're like, Well, you're not really one. Where's your product sold? You really are missing the boat. You're missing the boat. They don't I'm very misunderstood that way. And then also misunderstood because I'm not your normal nonprofit person. I'm a publicist. And I once had a reporter say to me, this was a few years ago, say, so a lot of people didn't think you could do it when you first started this organization. And uh, they really didn't think you were onto something. And I go, I know that. I know a lot of people doubted me, but I'm gonna just ask you this. I'm not answering your question. What are they saying now? Like it's 19 years. You might have underestimated me 19 years ago, but I knew what I was doing. This was not a whimsical what if. And when you are a founder, even if it's for-profit, you're risking public failure. The minute you go out the door to look for investors or initial donors, you're risking public failure. So if you don't have the backbone to deal with that, or you don't have the belief in your mission, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. There's your first clue that you're not a founder, or it's the wrong idea. But don't think for a minute, when I wrote that business plan and read it and knew what I had to do, that that was the scariest thing. Everybody's gonna judge me before it hits. They're all gonna think I'm nuts, they're all gonna say I can't do it. And I have to put that aside because I knew it was a good idea. It was one of those things lightning struck. But that's really the challenge. The other challenge is no one understands adoption. They don't get it. They think, why would you need all this money? They don't get it. And until they're willing to sit down and understand this. If someone gives me the time and doesn't understand adoption, then they're like, oh my God, I'm in. What do you mean, these kids? What there's no option for them? No. They won't have homes if they don't get adopted. And there will come a point where they're too old and not desirable. And then what happens to these children? What happens to them? People can't afford to adopt, they don't have happy endings. You know, people give me the time, we're good. If people judge, not so good.
SPEAKER_01And it's so interesting because you've overcome the limiting beliefs as a founder and also the limiting beliefs of someone sitting there saying, I want to grow a family, but I how do I do that?
SPEAKER_00So, one of the things is I did an amazing speech at a gala two years ago. I did my take on the Barbie speech. Remember America for our speech of you have to be thin, but not too thin. And don't tell anyone you want to be thin because what you want to be is healthy but thin. And I did that whole thing because her next couple lines down is don't ever talk about money. It's so tacky. Well, all I do is talk about money. And my kids are always like, You tell us not to talk about money, and all you do is talk about money. I go, oh, yeah. Sorry, sorry. But kids are a great mirror. But I talk about money and how it can be used to change the world for good. And that's why I talk about all the time. And it's interesting because there's all this judgment out there, too, on raising money. If you raise too much, you can't tell the donors you are successful because they'll think you don't need any more. And if you don't raise enough, you're a sinking ship, and who the hell is going to give you money? But I've lost donors because they get divorced. Well, that doesn't mean we failed. That means that poor family that used to be a is in their own personal thing and can't support us right now. But that doesn't mean we've failed. And the world just judges. So the world judges adoption, the world judges everything. So a lot of what I do all day long is say you gotta put all that aside. And you've got to really look at what the essence of this problem is. And the essence of this problem is that most of America does not make over $70,000 as a household income. And a lot of people don't know that. So if you make $50 to $70,000 as a household income, and if you are infertile, if you're a cancer survivor, or if, if, if, if you can't have a baby the old-fashioned way, how on earth do you have enough money to adopt? And that doesn't mean that you don't have a great day-to-day life, you don't have a lovely home, you don't have live in a good school district, or have a house of worship that you have a community. You don't have $50,000 to $80,000 in Astro Tax dollars sitting in your wallet. And as I like to tell people who have very nice wives, do you have an extra $50 or $80,000 just sitting there that you haven't accounted for in another way? They're like, I would never do that. I'm like, uh see? So imagine if it's more than your take-home pay. How do you do it? And that is the problem that prevents these kids from coming out. That's it. Even I couldn't adopt outright after IVF. My grandmother helped me. And it's the first thing I tell these grant recipients. I put them at ease for asking for money. That's what I do. We've made it okay to ask for financial help. It's not shameful. I tell them I'm just like you, but I had a grandmother, not a grant. The world tells you asking for help, no matter what it is, means you're weak. I don't like that. And then if you ask for money, you're the world just sits there and judges. And it's not okay in this scenario. It's not. They didn't go into this, isn't like I want to buy some house I can't afford. This is adoption. Come on, it's child welfare. It comes with a huge price tag. This isn't a luxury good. This is a human life that needs a home. And as you said, I've got a line, thousands of people. If they just had a little more money, that kid would come home. And that's where we come in.
SPEAKER_01What were the most important decisions that helped you scale?
SPEAKER_00And speaking of fundraising, first of all, I have to have no fear. I have to wake up every day and know that not everybody agrees with me. Not everybody thinks I'm great. And not everybody wants to give me an hour of their time. And they might be talking about me behind my back. You got to just take that and live with it. And that is life. It's very unfortunate that that's something we have to accept, but you have to accept that. And then you have to not focus on raising the money. Everyone wants to know the secret to my success. And the secret to my success is this I don't ask for it. The minute you ask for the money, you're done. The minute all you do is sit there and look at you and go, Melanie, I'm sitting with you. And if I don't get $5,000 out of you in the next 45 minutes, I'm in trouble. That is a recipe for failure and a surefire way that Melanie will never talk to me. Yeah. That's not how we do it. So I meet with people who, for whatever reason, agree, or someone says, You want to be part of this, but you're going to be interested in this girl's story. It's interesting. And she built it. She built it. It's a good build story. And I get in, I talk about how I ended up here. I share that story. And everybody knows someone who struggled. I mean, practically everyone had a miscarriage. Anybody can sit there and go, oh, but my miscarriages, three of them came with an $82,000 price tag of my life savings. That's a tough nut. That's a tough nut. And that took away money to adopt. So there's that. And then I hired a partner. I found the right partner to do a capacity building campaign because when you are a nonprofit grant organization, it's not a capital campaign. It's not a one-hit wonder. I don't need a building. I don't need a playground. And all the fundraising consultant firms that do these large-scale campaigns, because I'd never done one before, they didn't get us. And I knew everything I do is different. And I knew this was different. And I finally got to someone out in Oregon who I said, look, if you want my business, you need to listen to what I'm saying and look at this slightly differently. It's going to have the same business model, but a different slightly different approach. You're building out our capacity. You're going to help us give more grants with this campaign and also simultaneously give me some money to build up and out the infrastructure to then sustain the fundraising towards the future growth. Because I don't have the money to do it myself. I wish I could just write a check. And that was the move. And a donor, our largest donor, came to me the year before we did this campaign and said, You need to find someone. It's time to do this. And I was like, Well, how? And he's like, Well, that is something I know you're going to figure out, but I'm giving you the push. And that was it. That's our donors care. They are so into what we've built because it's a different transparency that they've been waiting for. And we do one thing, and there's no mystery about what we do. There's no confusing mission statement, and there's no mystery as to where their money goes. And every 60 days, your money goes back into the world to build families through adoption. And that is incredible. And I was so grateful that he took the time to care and say, you need a push. I did need a push. I did need a push. But that's teamwork. That's what you should do with your donors. You should bring them into the story, those who want to come in and figure out how to get from A to B. And it's not easy. The build is hard along the way. And I think this is the same in for-profit. Everybody thinks it's different. It's not. When you level up, the entrepreneur doesn't freak out. The entrepreneur knows that there are bumps and we are the first people to jump in without a life vest, and we're pretty confident we're going to get to the other side of the river. It's the people around us that freak out. And that's been hard. That's been hard because here we should be successful and yay. And I have along the way an employee that was like, I'm out. I can't take this. I can't stomach this. I need a boring job that does the same thing every day. Well, that's not us. And that's hard because that sets me back. I've had board members that just were like, I don't like that you ask everybody for money. I'm like, well, how am I going to get it? So that's a problem. That's part of the build. And if you don't understand an entrepreneur, I'm okay with all that. It's really happy and lovely when it happens, but I you're not knocking me off my path with those bumps.
SPEAKER_01I used to worry about a team turnover. And now I know that they're going to bring a fresh energy and a new energy into the team. And so now I actually get excited about it. And you mentioned two interesting things that are so important for founders trusting your instincts. And you mentioned being fearless. For someone listening, how do you go into your day? Do you do anything for mindset? No, no.
SPEAKER_00And I gotta tell you something. Not to be sappy and because I'm usually I'm not that person. I am not a Hallmark card. I'm a shoebox card. I am like you see my logo. I know it's PR. I'm a frank, black and white, factual person, but not becoming a mother? Are you kidding? I've been I've been through the worst that I could ever be through. I am the girl who I don't know what would have happened if I couldn't have become a mom. It's the scariest thing for me at least. So now I'm like, you think you just telling me I stink or I'm too blonde or I'm too thin or I don't dress the right way. You think that's gonna knock me off my oh why don't you come back to those early years when I just had miscarriages and failure and everybody knew and all the one thing I wanted couldn't be. Everybody else around me got pregnant. IVF worked for everybody else but me. And I didn't get it that that I had a different story. What is there to be scared about? I don't get that. I really don't get it. Because here's the deal say no. I'll call you up. None, would you like to have a meeting with me about how this happens? You know what, Becky? I actually support a breast cancer nonprofit because my mother, whatever the situation is, and I go, you know what? That's amazing. I'm not gonna ask you for money, but I still want to have coffee with you because we give grants to cancer survivors who can't have a kid now and they don't have a lot of money. So all their savings went to Bill's. Can I come talk to you about your cancer community that you're part of? I I bet we can help some people there. It's never always about the money, and that's the other thing people don't get. It's about the community you build, at least for us. And yes, I need money to give away, but it might not come through you. What might come is that you introduce me to your cancer society or group, and then someone might say, Oh my god, I actually have money to support the both. And I love that you help women who've survived cancer become moms. That's amazing. They some people can freeze their eggs before they get treatment, but that's also a luxury. That's for the privilege. And some people don't get enough time. There's one grant in particular, I'll never forget. She went to the emergency room for a stomachache and was in surgery for a stage four ovarian cyst size of a grapefruit. 30 minutes later, there's no time to save her eggs. We give her a grant. They're still violent, they've spoken to our baths. Like, I it doesn't always work the same for other people. So I just believe in sharing stories, sharing what we do, and not everybody's gonna want to jump in, but I'm not afraid of hearing no. Come on, everybody hears no, and I'm not gonna get upset by it. I keep going.
SPEAKER_01And sometimes no is not yet. How did you design a grant model that could be both meaningful for families and sustainable for help us adopt?
SPEAKER_00The funny thing is, I honestly wrote the business plan in 20 minutes. And except for expanding who we help because of more money, it has stood the test of time and there's nothing to revise. I was in the magazine business in advertising and marketing, and then I was director of marketing at a magazine. We did a lot of partnerships with big companies and events with big companies, and I knew how to do it. I just think that way. And I was like, okay, well, we need to hear their story and we need to have some financial information. What does this look like? And I spent some time on Google and mapped out what an application should look like and trying to figure out how could I make the decisions alone? Do I need more people on the board to make decisions to give it validity, like more of a buy? Like that part I had good instincts for and figured it out. But people ask me all the time, would you help me start nonprofit? And I go, here's the deal. If you need me to even start that conversation with you, this isn't where you should be. Because I knew. I just knew. Now, have I asked advice? Like, you can't do this. So I had to get an accountant to say, Can you do help me with this piece and understand what documents I have to file? And then actually, can I hire you to do it? Because I want to do it. But I had to learn different parts of the business that aren't my brain and aren't my skill set, but the build I
SPEAKER_01knew I I it just came out of me I can't explain it I just can't explain it I just knew and it's so smart of you to look at what you want to do and what you don't want to do because you probably could have done the accounting but why and what's so beautiful about what you've built is you live the mission and you you've built your family and so you don't need anything to get you motivated in the morning because it's so who you are and that's a beautiful thing.
SPEAKER_00The funny thing is is everybody all the time will say oh she's so full listen I've heard it all I hear everything that gets said behind my back and it's just people I don't know why they think I'm fair game but I know what I'm good at and I know what I stink at. And it takes a big person to say I can't do these pieces. And most people never admit that and that's where the plan goes south. But I knew exactly where I needed help. I knew exactly where I didn't need help and that let me do the good things and get experts and people at the beginning who donated their time and I always said like my accountant I met him and he heard about my story and he approached me and said I do a lot of nonprofit work. I really like what you're having to say and I was like oh it's very nice of you. I can't pay you for two years. But if you want to work for me for free for two years I should be here it's all yours. 19 years later he's still my accountant because I'm a woman of my work and I said to him I can't afford to pay you. I got to get tangible results in I won't make it unless I show that this business model works and changes lives and can start to share the stories of what these amazing families do. And he was like I'm in because I was so small the tax return took 30 seconds probably and now I pay full rate I started paying full rate years ago and it's the best story because a lot of founders aren't willing to admit what they're not good at. And that is good.
SPEAKER_01I don't think and I think it's strength too it's strength and saying I'm not good at this I want to find the best person to do it. And your accountant saw your belief and your mission and he took a bet.
SPEAKER_00The thing that I'm really good at is the hardest thing to hire for building community and raising money. I can talk to almost anybody. I'm not going to walk out with money immediately. That's not the goal but everything else is relatively easy to hire for and this is not you cannot teach someone to have no fear. I I all I do is talk about everything people don't want to talk about infertility which leads you to baby making which leads you to think of these people are having sex and no one wants to talk about that and then no one wants to talk about now we have to put you in a room naked with about six or seven other people looking at you. No one wants to talk about this. Then you get pregnant everyone wants to talk about that. Then you're miscarriage no one wants to talk about that then you have to adopt now you're talking about money no one wants to talk about like and now I'm in my 50s I'm like how about menopause? People are like stop I'm like what other words can I add to my repertoire that just make you squirm but the bottom line is real things happening to real people that are really awful and the fact that you won't even say the word out loud to them just makes them feel more alone and like there's no help available and I just dive in it's it's it is real. We're all going through it.
SPEAKER_01I see you I see you and it's it's so important because we need that we need to talk about more things.
SPEAKER_00What do we think is going to happen to our children and the generation in between us and our children they're the next ones who are going to be sold if we don't change this narrative first of all the narrative when I grew up was girl meets boy. Well that narrative is shot to hell now. Girl can meet everybody and guess what? Girl doesn't even have to meet anybody to have a baby. Girl can do it on her own. So the whole narrative has to shift women have careers women are smart. I don't believe that you have to choose there's no reason to say I would have been able to get pregnant at 26 versus 31 but I got my career on my terms. I'm very proud of that. But who knows what my story would have been but I was once asked by a college senior at a talk if I could go back and knew everything would I have not pursued my career as hard as I did and owned my own company and would I have tried to get pregnant at 26 and I said no before the sentence was even out of her mouth. And she goes how how can you say that I told her even if you had told me at 26 Becky Fawcett here's the crystal ball you're not going to get pregnant. You might through a doctor but it's not going to work I would have thought I'll be able to prove you wrong hardest working person in the room I have some money I have a brain I live in a good part of the country with the best doctors I'll prove you wrong. Now I wouldn't have listened. And I don't think that anybody should have to choose I think that if we made adoption and infertility talks more honest and real, it wouldn't be so scary. It would just be this is part of life. This is part of life but we've made it so taboo and so scary that now young women are saying I have to choose and they might marry someone that they shouldn't really be married to because they think they have to be a baby right then. Women maybe you were enjoying your career and you were enjoying building what you were doing at the time I was enjoying my marriage I was having our house and making that a home and I had my career and I was doing well and I was traveling because I knew as the oldest of five kids when I have a baby you don't know what's going to happen. I had to be at a point at least in my head that I could give it all up if my kid required me to do that. And there would be no hostile feelings. I would never have a regret saying God I didn't get to travel or God I didn't get to do have the client of my dreams. I got to a point where I was like if I had to give it all up I would and be a homebody I'm ready. And that was the ripe old age of 31. I got married at 26. Not old not old.
SPEAKER_01When I worked in Major League Baseball for the Los Angeles Dodgers I used to go out of my office and look at the empty field and wonder if I would ever have kids. And then I'd also wonder how do I keep up with this working in sports. And then I also thought I know the men that are working here are not having that same thought. And that was a really challenging thing to go through.
SPEAKER_00Now the current thing at least in New York and I think in other major metropolitan cities is egg freezing. And let's be perfectly clear I'm not against egg freezing great however it's for the privileged are we not going to talk about that again it's for the privileged so if you don't have a lot of money you can't do that. Number one. Number two, the new thing that I've started hearing is they are telling young teenage girls that as soon as you turn 18 that's when you legally can freeze your eggs and you should so you can have a choice and I don't like it. And I'm gonna tell you why you have now told that girl and any other girl who's heard the story maybe a girl who can't afford it you've told her you are only valuable if it's your biology and you get pregnant if if anybody tells my girls that I might punch you in the face because my girls are loved and they are a product of me not being able to have a child. How can you say that I'm invalid because I didn't biologically reproduce and people are like Becky that's not what they're saying. I'm like yeah it is you're telling 13 and 14 year olds that they have to freeze their eggs or they don't Jesus oh my God and again it's for the privileged it's for the privileged and again I if you want to freeze your eggs fine it's the messaging I have a problem with I want 13 and 14 year olds and 15 year olds I want them to be the children that they are I don't want them to be sitting here doubting their value in the world because their eggs may or may not be good by the time they get married and maybe they shouldn't have a career. So why bother going to college? Why aren't they getting married at 18 out of high school I mean what is where are we going with all this? The messaging is wrong. I'm not again you freeze your eggs so the cows come home. Be my guest fine but do not tell teenage girls that that's their goal by 18 18 is very young. I mean 18 you haven't lived your life yet now listen I hate to say it they've never really come out and said that the main problem of infertility is female age they've never come out and said that and there's a lot of male infertility so that's true. But by saying that freezing your eggs at 18 you are saying that female age is a major part of so pick a lane these are facts these are medical facts I'm not making up it's not my opinion these are medical facts about age about genetics about biology it it's just funny to me that I can't get anybody to say like yeah it it's female age that's the rising problem because you all are so smart and accomplished that you have these great careers and that's why you can't like no one wants to say that but if you're telling a 13 year old that she needs to freeze her eggs at 18, you're saying the reverse why does no one else see that? I don't get it. This is one of the things that I say that people go she really saying that out loud I am I am really saying it out loud.
SPEAKER_01Happy you are because that's putting something in a 13 year old's head before they even have a chance to live their life or go out and have their career. And why would you want to put that limiting belief there?
SPEAKER_00And again you're separating out the privileged and the not and come on is this really you want to make some girl feel badly because she will never be able to afford egg freezing as a teen she should be going to college not but I hold to my ground and I tell my girls every day absolutely not if you come to me and you want to do it I don't even know that I have the money for you to do it and then pay for college and all this stuff but we can discuss it. But you're more than that and you're an adoptee you know of all people you're worth everything by yourself. You sold mine. And so I don't think I'm gonna have this problem with my girls but I do worry about this next generation. I think you're sending them a wrong message. It's the same people who tell infertility people you can do surrogate and still have your own baby. Well first of all surrogate costs $2000 I don't think people who make $50,000 a year and just spent most of their savings on IVF can even remotely consider this but why don't you break their heart again the messaging is just off and it's that's not okay. I'm here to say to this whole community I see you I hope you can make the decision that your heart and your head are on the same page if you choose adoption and if you need financial help I hope you will take a look at our site and I hope if we can that we help that's it and I hope to give positive factual information out into the world about what adoption is and how you do it and what it actually costs. And that's all I can do but I'm not going to be silent because you want to know why I have no fear I live through that I live through people telling me like it won't be the same once you adopt there it will not be good. And I look at my kids and I'm like how the hell did you not come out of my body? How? How is this possible that you didn't come out of my body is so good.
SPEAKER_01They are just they're the lights of my life it is how it was meant to be you radiate joy when you talk about adoption in your family what brings you the most joy in what you've built I saw that question and I was just like it's my girls it's my girls so someone saw some high school picture of me which is not my best foot forward and someone was like you look the same but you don't I go yeah I'm a lot better in my age like whatever fine and someone said where was the shift and I said motherhood go look at my pictures I mean age fine confidence fine but motherhood that is when it clicked I don't know what happened on my face I don't know what happened in my eye it's motherhood.
SPEAKER_00Those girls I am so grateful for them I'm so grateful for their birth families and then I got help us adapt to help the people behind me in line who might not have had my grandmother and that's it my work you can criticize me all you want you can underestimate me all you want you can call me difficult I get in line get in line the people who usually call me difficult are the difficult ones that's what's pretty funny but I know what my work does it puts impactful change into the world and builds families and I see it I get the emails I get messages on Facebook from these grant recipients it's my honor to be part of their life I had the courage to do something completely different that no one else these grant organizations all talked about me behind my back. Fine I didn't think your business model worked I don't think you're in exclusion of certain people because of who they loved and what they looked like and who they worship.
SPEAKER_01I didn't like that either so I did my own thing it's okay I was thinking the other day that our kids are our hearts walking around outside of our body they're our hearts walking around and you're creating that for families and for people.
SPEAKER_00These kids when I meet them grown up too I don't know Jane once said it was pretty funny when she was a maybe teenager or something someone was talking about me and really dwelling on the fact that like couldn't have babies and just really hammer I mean someone once called me Baron and I was like do you think that bothers me like you just came up with a new word like it's factual it's factual can't have a baby and Jane goes mom that person is so stupid and I'm like well Jane I agree but like they're standing right there come on and she goes my mom looks so good and the person's like where is this going? She goes at the time I think we'd have built 750 families Jane goes my mom has had 750 babies people don't look this good with me I love that and I just was like that's like that's it and I had a gram I uh I just can't it's so easy to help people this is so easy to help people all you have to do is start with a little bit of money a lot if you haven't and if you only have a little bit we're building block nonprofit we only do one thing so if you have a hundred dollars and that's all you have I'm so grateful to take it and guess what I'm gonna find 49 other people our grants really start around $5,000 and guess what? You just built a family with your hundred bucks tell me another nonprofit that gives a hundred dollar donor that kind of impact I don't know I'm inclusion from who can work for us who's on our board who we help and I'm inclusion in the way I look at our donors. Everybody counts every dollar counts small donors you should hear me lecture people I'm like the big donors are great they are great they get us faster if I had to raise all this money $10 at a time I'd die I wouldn't get there. That's a fact only one person. So you need the big donors but it's the little donors that it really means something to everybody wants to be part of something great philanthropically but not everybody has a million dollars. So to build something where someone who has 50 or even 25 can feel that they come to help us adopt and their money went to go give a grant how great is that the people who don't understand the importance of small donors are really missing out. And I just wish I had enough money to hire one more person in my development team to only focus on small donors. I we don't give them enough time we don't give them enough time but I have to raise more money before I can spend more money. That's because we're looked at differently than other businesses. But that's fine we'll get there. And I think our small donors know how much we care about them but it's the biggest mistake nonprofits think that small donors can't make a difference and the biggest mistake that donors make is that small donations don't count. It's bad it's very bad to think that way because the other thing is this you don't know the story behind the small donation there might be more they might be waiting to see what you say to them for that donation. You don't know or it's a kid making a $5 donation online well guess what? That's worth a thousand bucks if a 10 year old makes a $5 donation to us but if you don't take the time to figure out who that is you miss it.
SPEAKER_01So true you miss it. Thank you for being outspoken thank you for your passion and for making the world a better place every day. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Please share with us how and where we can find you okay so I am completely open in public on Becky Snyder Fawcett on LinkedIn Facebook and Instagram I do not do Twitter or X or whatever it's called because it's the meanest place on the planet and I don't do mean let other people do that. Helpusadopt.org is on Instagram Facebook and LinkedIn and then helpusadopt.org is where you can find us on the website if you know someone who is struggling tell them to check us out everything is free of charge the application's on the website you can take a look at how what we do but our mission every day is to help and that doesn't always mean raising money. That means getting this message out to people who are struggling who think I won't be able to adopt I need help. Does it even exist? And the answer is yes why not you?