Embracing Authenticity and Resilience in 2021

What happens when you step back from social media and prioritize your mental health? This episode is a raw and honest reflection on navigating 2021's rollercoaster of challenges and growth. I share my personal journey of overcoming the negativity that overwhelmed my digital interactions and turning towards a fitness regime that tested both my physical and emotional strength. This year, I learned to value self-improvement over financial gains and to embrace people for who they are in this digital age, setting the foundation for a more mindful and resilient 2022.

At the age of 21 or 22, I made a significant life decision to take a non-traditional path amidst financial and emotional hardships. From the unexpected breakdown of my car to turning to dancing for immediate funds, hyper-independence became my way to avoid burdening my parents while tackling loans for education and transportation. Despite facing criticism, I emphasize the importance of moving forward, investing in education, and questioning the motives of detractors who disagree with my choices.

As we transition into 2022, I delve into standing up for oneself amidst criticism, balancing authenticity in both personal and professional life, and protecting one’s own interests. I share my ongoing journey of challenging societal norms, embracing individuality, and recognizing the sleepless nights filled with possibilities. Grateful for my platform and growth, I candidly acknowledge my mistakes and learning experiences. I call for a focus on meaningful causes over trivial matters, urging listeners to prioritize genuine issues and commit to continuous self-improvement despite the criticisms that come our way.

Transcript

Lul Benzie: 0:01

all right, y'all it's. It's been a while, all right, it ain't. It ain't nothing I can say to like. I mean, it's a list of things. I I'm I've been working since the last time I recorded, but I want to go ahead and make this. My recap for 2021 is december. Um, the last time I have been on here on you know quote unquote my podcast was back in May and a lot of things has happened between May and December of 2021. I'm going to touch a lot of bases on a lot of things because I want to go ahead and just get whoever's still watching me on the same page At this point.

Lul Benzie: 0:44

I've been inconsistent for a year, but to me personally, I feel like it's worth it because I spent a lot of time working on a lot of things that need to be worked on. I'm still working because there's always room for growth, but this year I really don't think I focused on. You know, me personally, I didn't focus on the dollar. I mean a lot of y'all be like well, you worked, you worked, yeah, I worked, I did, most definitely did, I worked and I bust my ass and I, you know, I did what I had to do to get by and I think that compared because where I expected myself to be this year and where I was not weighed a lot on me but at the same time it was well needed. I also went back and actually watched some of my videos and my podcasts and they're actually hard to watch, like they're very cringy and they make my, my gut wrench, and I do not like watching old videos of myself. They are, you know, I don't know. Over time I think I've gotten tired of watching it, or not even tired, it's just all the outsideness. That's kind of why, leading on to the next point, me being very closed off, in these last few months of the year year I have been more withdrawn from the media, social media because, once again, this is still fairly new to me I'm I've been on social media heavy for probably as long as I have been dancing. So what? Three, four years tops? And even then I was not doing not even that what I was doing.

Lul Benzie: 2:26

It got to a point this year where I wasn't really working or doing a whole lot of collabing or anything like that, going, dealing with the outside world you know, covid and kind of like really just not want to be in that atmosphere. A lot of stuff. The social media just was really getting to be a lot and I, in my head, I really just didn't want to believe it. I did not want to believe that it is people out here that, you know, act like that. I, just, in my head, I psychologically couldn't accept that. But then, excuse, excuse me, I had to accept the fact that there's some crazy on there. Now there's some out of characters out of there, and I do realize that social media is also a prey, uh, a playground for, for people that are, you know, predators or whatever. But, yeah, baby, child, yes, sweetheart, um, yeah, we are not going to do this.

Lul Benzie: 3:26

This is not what I have signed up for, because, in my eyes, I really wanted to be further in certain goals that I had. But in order to get to those goals, I also have to become a better person. At the end of the day, I'm not really too beat up about it. I'm not beat up about, you know, not getting where I need to be or where I felt I needed to be and, if anything, I'm grateful that I had time to correct and learn and grow from some of the things that have been going on in my life. I even took it a step further this year and started my fitness journey and a lot of people have not gotten to see that because I really took it to heart, like my fitness and my health and my weight has always been an ongoing issue, even as a child, a young adult, young adult, middle-aged or whatever.

Lul Benzie: 4:27

It's just been an issue and a lot of people used to be like you know you, confident, you moving, yeah, but sometimes it was just like they say that your weight holds bad energy, like it holds on to, you know, traumas. In my personal opinion, the weight was legitimately holding me down from letting go, like I had whole life, like the letting the weight go was like barriers, letting barriers down, and people don't understand. When you let your barriers and your walls down, it's like a floodgate. Everything comes in and debris, the love, the negativity, the hate, whatever it comes in. And you know, a couple times this year I had to step back because in that process of working out and really trying to get to the root of the issues that I have and the issues that I have with other people, it was like whoa, like it's a lot.

Lul Benzie: 5:16

It was a lot for me and it was like an ongoing battle, to the point where I had to start referring to the media as the matrix, because it's real and it's not real. It's real to an extent, but it's not. You feel me, it is. In a way, it is because a lot of people have and done a lot of bullshit on the Internet out of spitefulness. A lot of bullshit on the internet like out of spitefulness, like I really see people for, like now, going into 2022, I'm taking you for what you show me.

Lul Benzie: 5:49

I'm no longer, you know, giving the benefit of the doubt with some people, because some people you can, you can tell the ones that are really hurting or you got some stuff going on. You can tell when it's out of a person character. You can tell that. And then sometimes you just got to give some people some space. Don't poke, don't prod, don't sit there and, you know, beat down on somebody, give them time, because that's what's going on. But for the rest of the people out here, chuck the deuces, skip rocks, don't talk to me, excuse me, because at the end of the day, a lot of people have really, I've really had to step back and work on my.

Lul Benzie: 6:25

I'm going to say my argument or my defense, because I've literally just been like y'all wild, like I can't believe some of y'all Y'all talking about how I act and how I be out here embarrassing. Do y'all see what y'all be doing on the internet now? See busy? I'm about to be 26 next year. I don't have any children. I don't have any husbands. I don't have any boyfriends. You know my personal life I have been keeping very I wouldn't say very private, but really private, because I don't really post who I date or who I'm dealing with.

Lul Benzie: 6:58

Because once again I the traumas from my last relationship being on social media, like that was, I'm cool on that, like that right, there was, you know the cake topple, like I'm cool on that and it's not my cup of tea, like that one time was like go ahead, and I, like you know it is what is, because the experience with how people are so invested in other people's lives, then it becomes borderline, toxic, like because it becomes so unhealthy and I literally would sit here and watch people say and make accusations and things, and it was just like it was mind-boggling Because I couldn't me me personally. I'll go on the internet and I'll talk stuff. Don't get me wrong, I do what I do. Everybody gonna do what they do, everybody gonna voice their opinion.

Lul Benzie: 7:49

But some of the stuff y'all be saying may the Lord be with y'all, because some of the things that been saying to me just made me, you know, really believe that some of y'all are going to hell, wherever the hell hell is or wherever the bad places. Some of y'all are going there on the first flight sorry to tell y'all, because y'all some people to me in this world I genuinely believe as long as you're, you know, doing the best that you can, you're being a better person. You know you doing the best that you can, you're being a better person. You know you're growing. You're not hurting nobody, you're evolving as an individual person. I don't believe that you're doing anything wrong. I tell people that I'm not hurting nobody, I'm not taking from nobody and I'm not doing anything to put anybody in harm's way.

Lul Benzie: 8:39

And a lot of people come at me like, well, what about these young girls and what about people that look up to you? What you have to fail to realize is I sat down many years ago and thought this through like I can literally sit here and paint you a description of the moment that I decided to continue and do this type of thing. I was like what? 21 and a half, 22, and when I made the decision it was after a lingerie party. I went to that um, that summer what was it? 29, what's that? 20, 2017, 2018, then about 2018, 2017, no, 2018, and, you know, stuff started getting hard.

Lul Benzie: 9:21

I was trying to get over a death that I was dealing with that winter and I was trying to be a college student full-time and I was trying to work and I was trying to just enjoy my life all at the same time and it was a lot and it got to a point where I wanted to maintain my independency so bad that I was willing to hustle to do what I needed to do. You know, I, in my eyes, I seen my parents, what they had going on as adults and I did not want to burden them like I did not want to bother them. I didn't want to be a worry and I felt like in my head, I felt like that was my fault. I put myself in that position because, excuse me, let me drink water. Excuse me, I missed my lip. I put myself. I felt like, after so many traumatic situations with different individual people, about being put in that situation, like being in situations that I put myself in um, you can't see the quotation mark but put myself in.

Lul Benzie: 10:17

I really was really hard on myself with the independency thing, to the point it became what they call hyper independency, to the point where I was fixated on not taking help from people unless I felt like I worked for it or I earned it. And it became bad to the point where I turned up to dancing because I needed help immediately and I've done everything I could. When you take out loans, out loans you didn't took out loans for school, you took loans out to have a car, you didn't took loans out for a lot of things and you know it gets to a point where something comes out of nowhere. My car broke down. Keep in mind, I went and got my car because I needed a car and I really wanted a nice one, and, being young, you don't know that you need to make sure that your car got a warranty.

Lul Benzie: 11:04

People, they try to convince you that a warranty is not needed to sell a car. But, baby, if that mama got no warranty, send it back. Send it back, send it back to the streets because, baby, they sending you home with a lemon. They send you home with a buggy baby, because as soon as you drive that mountain off the road, as soon as you take that car off, that lot that's longer you, that's your responsibility, that's your problem. And people, I have had a lot of cars, a lot of hand-me-down cars, the um, the car that I got most recently has probably been one of the newest used cars I've gotten and it came from a car dealer. It came from a rental place, so it's only had one owner and it wasn't drove that much and for the price that it was baby.

Lul Benzie: 11:47

I'm not complaining, I'm being responsible and doing what I need to do survive because I'm not going to sit out here and live a lifestyle that I cannot afford. I've, lately, have been taking a lot of things out of my life because I need to really see what is meant to be there and what is going to help and put more energy and put more money towards resources. So I'm going to invest more in my education and more in my knowledge and more in books and things like that, and I've started getting by my time back. Back before I had a lot of time and I didn't know what to do with it because, once again, when you have a lot of issues and a lot of traumas and a lot of pains going on, you can't, you can't function, you can't think, you can't decide what's gonna be your next move and your best move. If you you so congested and I was congested like I had to let that go and in this year I have done that in this year, compared to last year. I have done that in my previous videos. You can see that and and I've used mama used my video as evidence of the growth I have grown a tremendous amount and I'm here to say that I'm happy and I'm proud of the growth that I've had.

Lul Benzie: 12:57

A lot of y'all don't agree with the things that I've done and the things that I do and, quite frankly, you entitled to your opinion. You're entitled to it. You are a full-blown correct. So, with that being said, with you being correct on what you feel, that you feel, why are you still here? Why are you still here? I just want to know why are you still here? It doesn't psychologically make sense to me. If you disagree, you don't like me and you do not agree with the way I have been formally moving or how I have conducted myself. Why are you still here? Because it's not like you a fan. Because I'm gonna tell you before it's people out here that I do not like, that I will not follow and I will not fuck with. And that's just me. Personally.

Lul Benzie: 13:43

Now, sometimes I didn't end up in points where I've had motherfuckers I have had bad history with and I I have to mentally squash that and allow myself to move forward or something, because at the end of the day, holding a grudge will will take you, take you to your gray lights. I'm not saying hold a grudge, it's. It's all about what you allow and what you don't allow to have control. A lot of the traumas that I have experienced as a young adult and a young teen has bled over into my adulthood and it's going to take time and more months to unroot a lot of that I fully understand.

Lul Benzie: 14:22

Now to the point where I had to go back and find out what I enjoyed. I couldn't even tell you what I enjoyed because I spent so much time focusing on the dollar, working, working, working, working, because all I wanted to do was just work. Yeah, you can work, but you can work yourself to a grade. I'm basically doing what I was doing a few years ago working all them jobs and working this, no break, no breath, no rest, and running myself into the ground and not understanding that I will end up in the same situation. I was years ago and entire, worn out, worn out and exhausted, you know, and I was just like you know what. Let's, let's just, let's just wash my hands of this. Let's, let me get up and just stomach the fact that I could come and do this. I know I can do this, I know I can record, I know I can speak, I know I can talk, I know I can do a lot of things.

Lul Benzie: 15:13

And the fact that I had to really step back and really tell myself what I can and what I can't do is crazy. I'm not even going to sit here and be like I want to be on, no bragging or no condescending thing, but it's the things out here that I can achieve that some people cannot, and I'm just going to say that because I have faith in myself. I got to have faith in myself because, at the end of the day, a lot of y'all genuinely think it's cockiness. I'm not cocky, okay, I have to speak this into the existence. This is, this is like if a rapper is rapping, if this actor is acting, you have to speak that into existence. And it's so many times where people speak some negativity on my name and I and I focus so much on the negativity because I'm so traumatized by so many people shunning me and and and making me be quiet. There's been so many times where I have not had the opportunity to fully and completely talk and express my opinion or my thought or my or whatever I got going on, because some people don't feel like oh it, people feel how they feel and people gonna do what they do at the end of the day.

Lul Benzie: 16:24

And now, moving into 2022, you got a problem me. You want to speak up. I'm gonna let you speak. I'm gonna be polite and I'm gonna let you speak. All, all bs aside, all bullshit aside, I'm gonna let you speak, but I'm gonna tell you like this, and I'm gonna tell you wholeheartedly and I'm going to tell you confidently when it's my time to speak just know you better, have your obituary and your casket ready, because that's how sharp these words is.

Lul Benzie: 16:51

Okay, I don't go out of my way to just argue with a mug just to be arguing with you. I don't know you. Okay, you said something to me that made me want to respond. Now I'll respond. You had the right to comment and I had a right to respond. Now you mad because I responded back then. You shouldn't have commented. Remember, you got the right to have an opinion. I got the right to respond. Oh, you're supposed to be the bigger person. Baby, my name is busy and busyzie and Benzie's not in the Bible and I'm not finna. Be the bigger person.

Lul Benzie: 17:21

This is 2022, and y'all still want people to sit here and be the bigger person and lay aside and let stuff slide. And no, some people need to be smacked upside their head like I'm not gonna cap to y'all. Y'all letting so much shit slide. Y'all let these motherfucking peddlers ride around this motherfucker like it ain't. I'm gonna say it like that because, at the end of the day, y'all letting a lot of stuff slide. Y'all decide when y'all want to be crusaders, when it benefits y'all, or benefits y'all entertainment, or fulfill y'all boredom, but when it come down to real issues and real problems and things like that, y'all don't even put the same energy into it. Okay, I put the same energy into both yin and yang. There is a balance. The same way I'm passionate about arguing with y'all. The same way I'm passionate about getting to the top. Everything is with balance and I'm learning that I'm not perfect, I will never be perfect, and I have to sit there and tell myself that I'm not perfect and I never will be perfect. But one thing I need y'all to understand is I'm not like everybody else. If you want to take it there, we can take it there. We can do this formally. You want to do this. You want to do this casually or formally because, baby, we can get it going. I'm gonna tell you right now I'm gonna get a people to show.

Lul Benzie: 18:36

I have spent the last several years of my life studying so many people as an entertainer. You have to. I don't know about other entertainers, I'm gonna speak on myself. You have to know what gets the crowd going. You have to know what keeps an attention. You have to understand that. What works for you. You can't go around telling that man jokes and they like it just don't work. You have to find what worked for you and this is what worked for me. A lot of people don't understand this work, work this what worked for me, even at the club.

Lul Benzie: 19:07

The way I move works for me and eventually I will adapt and change how I move. But because certain things in the world I don't want to deal with, I don't want to talk to certain people I don't want to deal with, I don't want to talk to certain people, I don't want to associate with certain people, I will continue to move and swivel through the dimples the way I want to, because at the end of the day, you have to protect and you have to move the way that is beneficial to you and you have to make sure that you're covering your butt. And even if you're a good person, you have to understand everybody's not like you and I had to learn that I everybody's not like you and I had to learn. I had to keep me learning. I'm still learning. I'm going to continue to learn that everybody is not like me.

Lul Benzie: 19:46

You feel me, and things ain't gonna always be perfect. Everything is not always gonna get the right response, and that's okay. I have to understand that's okay. I have to tell myself that that is okay. That is not the end of the world, because I'm the type of person that I I could say that I take L's heavy, because I felt like all my life I had to do nothing but XL, like I had to do nothing but above and beyond. And it even got to a point where my best like my best wasn't even my 100%. It got to the point where I got lazy with certain things. It got to the point where I got lazy with certain things. Like people have to understand that I literally was out here. What people call their best was my lazy and and that's all it is to it. It was. It was just like it came to me. Sometimes stuff come to me like that and some people sometimes they do it, sometimes they don't.

Lul Benzie: 20:34

But I tell people when it come down to me and conjuring up some fire, some heat, some content, whatever I decide to put my energy and time into, it takes time and it takes the vibe, it takes the rhythm, it takes the sizzle, just like any actor, any story writer, anybody like that. It takes time and I see myself being great. I see myself being somewhere where I'm going to help people. I see myself doing everything that I have spoke on and that I dreamed about. But what I'm going to tell y'all is that if we were still dealing with the same struggles that we were dealing with 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 40 years ago and we're still dealing with the same struggles and the same issues and the same problems that our grandparents and our parents were trying to fight for what make you think that I ain't doing the same thing? Because it's not um professional, because it's not seasoned and um um, publicly a society acceptable? I'm I apologize, but I will never be society acceptable.

Lul Benzie: 21:38

I had renounced my society-nism a long time ago. I'm able to go outside and walk around and do business and talk and still be around people, and people don't treat me the way people treat me on the internet and people be like, well, they don't know what you do. It doesn't matter what you do, because, at the end of the day, you can tell a person that I've been doing business with for six years, you can tell a person I've been doing business with for six years about what I do, and they will be like, okay, that's the same way with my family, my family. Once they understand what I had going on and what my plans, what my ideas, what my goals were, they accepted it and they respected it, and then ain't everybody cup of tea what I do. I understand that.

Lul Benzie: 22:22

I understand what some of y'all are saying, but at the end of the day, I made the decisions that I made a long time ago and I seem I'm an overthinker. I think of of many possibilities. I have to be one step ahead of everything, and that's just me. So, whatever y'all thinking about, what about the kids? What about this? What about that? What about this? What about that? I've already thought about it because I can't stop thinking. It'd be times where I literally will lay in bed for hours and cannot sleep because I'm overthinking.

Lul Benzie: 22:49

Y'all have to understand there are so many possibilities of life and movement that I go through on a daily basis. Baby, I can write a book every day if I wanted to, because that's how much I think. So I want y'all to understand. You know, I want to let everybody know that I'm grateful for everything I got. I'm grateful for the platform I have learned to grow. I am grateful for being able to go back and learn and make mistakes and be able to move forward on things like that, because some people are not able to do that. I apologize if I hurt some of y'all feelings, but in the same breath I don't give a fuck. In the same breath I don't, because, at the end of the day, some of y'all have done really bad things in this world and y'all think nobody knows and y'all think nobody has noticed.

Lul Benzie: 23:32

Y'all some of y'all people out here point out other people, issues and flaws, because you are doing that same shit, you doing some bad stuff out here, and you want somebody else to feel as bad as you with sweetheart. You gotta understand what you did in your deeds, in your life, is your demons and your, your ties and your sins. I'm dealing with mine. I have dealt with mine. I have accepted mine. This is who I am.

Lul Benzie: 23:53

I'm an outspoken individual that is willing to do whatever to sustain and guarantee my future. I'm not playing with no individual person in 2022, you cannot step to me if you're not stepping in my shoes to build the blueprint that I'm using for my future. What you have to understand is this is a modern time. Okay, we are. I'm 25 years old. I'll be 26 next year. Y'all are still trying to use the blueprints from decades ago.

Lul Benzie: 24:23

I am not. I'm all about equality. I'm all about everybody getting treated right. I'm all about it. I just want people to understand like I wish I could fix the world. I wish I could do world peace. I wish I could help all the homeless. I wish I could save all the kids. I wish I could give all the dogs and kids home. I wish, but sorry, I can't, I can't. You feel me, I can't, I can't, and that's just the truth. I can't, I can't, and that's just the truth, I can't. And people think that I want to sit there and deal with that type of energy, and I'm not. I'm not going to deal with nothing that I don't want to deal with. And, at the end of the day, if you, somebody or something is something I don't want to deal with, I ain't going to deal with that.

Lul Benzie: 25:10

Especially some of y'all that be claiming that y'all support me and y'all love me. Some of y'all throw money at me and then tell me to basically get over how y'all treat me. Y'all doing me how the system is trying to do me, throw money at me and tell me to get over whatever they've done to me. Y'all are no better than these predators out here going to the courts, abusing people and then paying people off, telling them to get over it. We got money. Get over it. Y'all ain't no better. I'm here to tell y'all. Before y'all check anybody on the outside world, you need to check yourself. I've been checking myself for a year and I'm still checking myself. I'm still getting better. I'm still putting myself in positions where I need to know where I need to stand. But before anybody else come out here and think they're going to step to me, make sure you got your facts and your receipts, because I'm going to tell you right now you're not going to win.

Lul Benzie: 25:57

It's an endless and meaningless argument with me, because there are a thousand I can name off a thousand things that require your attention more than I do. So please, before you sit here and waste your energy, your time and your money on little Benzie, please, please sit down and sit back and think of how many organizations, how many children, how many homeless, how many incarcerated people, how many suffering people around you, around the world, require your attention. You have to understand I'm good over here. There are people in the world that require you and you pay attention to the wrong thing.

Lul Benzie: 26:41

So I want y'all to know that, between me losing weight, me getting my braces back, me growing me mentally trying to be better, me understanding my mistakes and my traumas and trying to move forward, on that it's a lot. It is a lot and especially if you've been doing it in the public eye, it's it's a lot because in the public eye, you're not allowed to make mistakes, you're not allowed to relearn, you're not allowed to say I fucked up and I apologize. You're not allowed to, because they expect you to be perfect at every time. But what people fail to realize is if y'all had a camera on y'all 24-7, I guarantee you every last dollar in my account that y'all would have been fucked up, and that's just how it is. So I'm telling y'all right now I'm excited for 2022. I'm excited for the journeys, I'm excited for a lot of the things that I got going on.

Lul Benzie: 27:33

A lot of y'all don't understand that I'm a business owner, I am a gamer, I am an entertainer, I am a sex worker, I'm a podcaster, I'm a cooker, I'm a cleaner, I'm a dancer, I'm whatever. Because I wake up every day and I decide my destiny because I have put myself in that position to do so. If I wake up tomorrow and I want to be a goddamn chef, so be it. I have the power and I have the opportunity to do so and I'm going to do what I see is fit in my life. I have one life. I'm not guaranteed it tomorrow. I'm not guaranteed it at all.

Lul Benzie: 28:08

So, with that being said, I wish y'all the best. I I wish y'all going to 2021 with the best energy and the best mindset and the best everything, because that's what I'm doing, because I once again had to start over and relearn myself and, in this process, I had to reintroduce myself and I want to let y'all know I am The Real Lul Benz and I am coming for everything that I work for. It's a lot, but you understand, I have to. I have to speak like I mean it. I had to put enough energy in it, like I mean it and I meant that I'm coming through and I'm coming to get what's mine. Don't worry about what else I got going on, just understand, just know I'm coming for what's mine. I don't want nobody else, I just want what's mine. Now, if the shoe fit, then wear it.

Lul Benzie: 28:55

But I just want to tell y'all I appreciate y'all. Please check out my website rasuncouture. com www. rasuncouture. com. LulBenzie www. lul benzie. com. And if you want to check out the other podcast links, www. lulbenzie. com. And if you want to check out the other podcast links, www. benzieshow. com www. benzieshow. com. Everything you need to know is going to be in the description box below. I'm telling y'all I'm not. With time comes greatness. With greatness come time. I'm telling you you ain't even got to give me your time for the people that stuck around and gave me time. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful for y'all and I want y'all to know that I'm grateful for y'all. But please let me work because, understand, there's going to be a thousand other people that don't like what I do and I'm just making content that make me smile. Making my haters upset makes me smile, so be it. So I'll see y'all on the next podcast. I'm I'm glad to be back. I'm, I'm glad to be back.