You Can’t Play Boxing, But Apparently You Can Lose Your Wig

We recap a crowded fight weekend with belts on the line, sharp undercards, a polarizing masterclass, and one surreal viral moment. From Zander Zayas’ poise to Shakur’s control and Josh Kelly’s rise, we sort the substance from the noise and have a laugh along the way.

• ProBox highlights with Flores vs Teasley momentum swing
• Scarborough vs Valdez late surge and shaky 99–91 card
• Zander Zayas’ measured win over Abbas Barou
• Shakur Stevenson’s control and Teofimo’s future questions
• Josh Kelly’s statement at 154 and context of the division
• Best knockout vs best “KO” and the Jarrell Miller hairpiece saga
• Platform notes across ProBox, Tubi, Paramount+ and muting commentary
• What Feb 21 means with Garcia vs Barrios, Wood vs Warrington, Sandy Ryan

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Welcome back, everybody, to this episode of Punches and Punchlines. Like we said, it wasn't going to be long before we came back. This weekend was so jam-packed with boxing Franco. We had Xandrus Ayas win a 154-pound belt. Now he has two. He's got two of the 154-pound belts. Josh Kelly won 154-pound belt. Tiafimo Lopez losing his lineal belt to Shakur Stevenson. I also wanted to discuss the best knockout of the weekend and the best KO of the weekend. Now you might be thinking, isn't that the same thing? Oh no, the KO of the weekend is definitely different than the best knockout of the weekend. And we'll get to that uh as we uh as we wrap things up. But what a fun weekend of boxing. We finally got back together and watched together, had a couple pops. Yeah, I'm excited to get into it.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Yeah, it was definitely a lot of boxing. It was on a lot of different platforms with huge differences from one to the other. Yeah, it was fun. It was some good boxing, it was some boring boxing, it was a little bit of everything. There's a smorgasboard of boxing, yeah. Uh, but you know what? I'll I'll take it. And also there were belts on the line, which that's always good for a weekend. Like sometimes we get some big fights with nothing on the line. Uh, even the boring fights had like important things on the line, so that made it more interesting, at least from that point of view. And then what I think is the best boxing moment possibly of my entire life. So I think we'll get into that at some point. But there was something that happened better than somebody hitting uh a DDT, better than like somebody doing a German suplex and just throwing a guy out of the ring or kicking him in the mouth. We had something so unhinged happen this weekend, and I can't wait to talk about it. So let's go on ahead and get into it.

Zippix Toothpicks Code: Boxing

SPEAKER_00 2:07

You tell us all the time you can't play boxing. We prove them wrong every episode with our segment called Playing Boxing. The segment is always brought to you by the people over at Zippix Toothpicks. Go to ZippixToothpicks.com, enter the code boxing. You'll save yourself some money on your order. Uh, I use it myself, so I definitely recommend it. Now, Franco, these fights started on Friday night. All right, Pro Box TV, which uh is available through my FUBO. I think you can stream it online. They had a card on Friday night that the main event was fine, it was uh you know very okay, but there was a couple fights on that undercard, and you could tell me whether you saw these as well. Okay, uh Mario Menza versus uh Ben Johnson. That one I did not. Okay. Now, being a Bears fan, I was rooting Ben Johnson right from the get-go. Of course, good, better, best exactly. Was that be his uh tropeyo? What was the word? Oh, his tocayo, yeah, tocayo, yeah. So uh same first and last name. So his tocello uh was taking on Mario Menza. Menza, my favorite part of Menza is he came out with like these Neil Diamond sequence shorts. All right, okay, that I absolutely loved about him. Um, but in the third round, Menza just eats this body shot, puts Menza to the mat. Okay, and then he gets gets up after his eight count. Then it was just target practice for Ben Johnson on this dude where Menza took a knee and did not get back up. He's like, nah, that was good. Uh my insights are scrambled. I don't need to, I don't need to go any further. So that was you know a fun fight early on in this card, and Ben Johnson won, Franco. Nice, you know, we we got a winner here in Chicago. It was good, better best. Absolutely. Now Elijah Flores versus Thang J Teasley. Did you watch this one? Oh, that one does not sound familiar. Teasley won't be. Wait, yes, yes, I did see this one. Okay, Teasley wins by split decision. All right, now this was a 10-0 fight versus a 13-0. Uh, Flores comes in at 10 0, Teasley at 13 0. And early on, it was all Teasley, and then I don't know whether it was midway through the fight, but it was like all Flores late and just fantastic back and forth. It was just one of those fights where when you don't care who wins the fight, you just want good boxing. This was a prime example of that. That it was like I said, early on, you thought Teasley was gonna rain run away with this, and then Flores was like, No, I got other ideas, I just think he waited too long, and he ended up winning by a split decision, which all the scorecards on that one at least felt right.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

See, I I disagreed. I thought I thought Flores won it, not Teasley. Okay, um, based off of the scoring because this one you told me, like, oh, I'm curious to see how you score it. I I had it going the other way, so when it ended, I th I that's what I thought your uh angle was gonna be. There was definitely a round or two that could have been a toss-up for me, so it being a split decision made sense, but I I did think that that Flores should have won this one. I basically what you said, I feel like Teasley just didn't do enough in that second half of the fight. Uh, I had it five rounds to three basically, but I could I could see it being close, but yeah, I I just didn't see him doing enough. He he like let off the gas, and then that was it. So yeah, it was but it was a good fight, it was a very entertaining fight. So I was cool with with that part of it.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

It was close enough, even on the scorecards, you know, with the split decision that I'm not even mad that you disagree. Like it was I thought that close of a fight, and like you were saying, Flores did win the second half of this fight, yeah. Whether it was the final four or you know, the final three, you know, that's what the judges might have disagreed on, but still overall, just a wonderful fight, and I was I was certainly happy to watch those dudes fight. I think the last one I have for that pro box card was Francisco Scarborough versus Brandon Valdez. Now, every time they kept saying Scarborough, I kept that stupid song from Simon Agarfunkel uh was entering my head, the Scarborough Fair. Yeah, I don't even know what it means, but that kept going in my head, Franco, and it makes it harder to watch a fight when that's happening. Like maybe when Joe Tessator is talking, I would appreciate some distraction. But this one, Scarborough wins by unanimous decision. But if Beldez kicks it into gear a little sooner, I just think this would have gone just a little different, you know what I mean? Like, well, let's see. One judge had it 99-91, which I just think was absolutely wrong. Yes, I agree with that one. The other two had it 96-94. I just think he just waited a little too long. It almost reminded me of the Loma versus Lopez fight, yep. Where Tia FIMO won the first half of that fight, and then Lomachenko was just so dominant in the last rounds, but he waited too long.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yeah, no, I agree a thousand percent. Like, this was a good fight, it was very entertaining. It was one that I wasn't expecting to be good. Like, we don't know these guys, and and one of them is named after a Simon and Garfunkel song. How could he possibly be exciting? And then yeah, it was a good fight. I definitely when I heard that one score, the 99-91, I was like, What the like what what fight was this guy watching? But then yeah, I don't know. I I think it went the right way. It was a good fight, it was entertaining. It was one that I was glad that I tuned in for it. Sometimes with some of these fights, if we don't recognize the fighters, it's easy to just skip past it. I feel like this was like a sleeper pick, you know what I mean? Like it was just if it was fantasy boxing, like this was a great sleeper pick for a fight that to be entertaining.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

No, this fight went 10 rounds, and by the ninth round, I was like, Oh man, I wish this was a 12-round fight, even in a weekend that had too much boxing. Um, I was like, I want a couple more rounds of this because I really think that if it went two more rounds, I think Valdez wins this fight, but it didn't go two more rounds. And I also the my kind of my criticism of Scarborough is I think his skill level was a little higher, but he was undisciplined. Like early on, he was almost smothering his own work by getting in too close and then throwing wildly. Where it's like if you take your time and stay at the range that you're connecting at, even though you think the guy's hurt, doesn't mean you have to rush in. You can still be patient. Turned out to not matter because he won, but that 9991 guy needs to get kicked in the dick.

unknown 8:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Now, did you see what uh Valdez had on after the fight? No, so remind me. So he he had like a Panama hat that had like the Colombian flag on it, kind of a deal. But because he had like green sequin shorts, and then afterwards they they put like the green sequin jacket plus a hat for a brief moment because I was running around, you know, getting cereal and stuff and doing laundry and whatnot. And uh, I thought he had gotten dressed up like a pimp, like a Halloween pimp costume, and then it was not, it's just a very glittery outfit. But 100%, if anybody goes and searches it up, uh like his ring walk or his post-fight gear, he looks like he's dressed like a pimp, but was not a pimp. I think just a glittery outfit.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Now, before we move on from Scarborough, if we ask anybody that hasn't listened to this episode, hey, what Simon Garfunkel song uh do you think got stuck in our head during a fight? Everybody's gonna say the boxer, all right? But no, we we had Scarborough, I had Scarborough Fair stuck in my head. So uh everybody that didn't get to answer my uh mythical question, uh you're wrong.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

See, I would I there's a fight that we watched over this weekend. I would have said bridged over troubled water because it was boring and slow, but we'll get to that in a little bit.

Mario Menza vs Ben Johnson

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah, without a doubt. Now, going over to the top rank. Now, this was available to me on Tubi TV. All right, so nice, nice free access to live boxing, and the main event on this was Xander Zias uh versus Abbas. Did you were you there in time to watch Yadriel Caban versus Jermis Hernandez Torres? If I did, okay. Now this went a round, so not even not even the full round. Okay, I did not watch this one. This is a first round KO. You gotta watch, you gotta watch the highlights, all right? Caban versus Hernandez Torres. All right, let me let me paint a picture for you here. Caban was two and oh, I think Hernandez was two and two. Within the first minute, Caban lands an overhead right or overhand right that just puts Hernandez Torres on his back. All right, so he's there, looks like a turtle. He's like, Oh man, I left myself wide open for that. So he gets up. Not even a minute later, Caban lands this beautiful left hook to the body that sends our buddy Jermese down to the mat, and he's rolling around like it, like a toddler throwing a tantrum or like an old man doing the curly shuffle, you know, like that's how he looked on the mat. It was so like I've I know I'm laughing at somebody else's pain, but you you got paid to be in there, so thanks for the entertainment. Um, it was just an incredible and you saw like his whole body shake when the liver punch landed, and you're like, Oh, that's that's dirty right there. I mean, it's clean, but oh god, it I just you know, one of those knockouts that just makes you kind of giggle.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Oh, I just I just pulled it up and uh yeah, it looked like he was humping the ground or something. That was that was a rough crawling around the ring, definitely a little curly shuffle there.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

I know that you saw this one with me. It was uh Goadi versus Lopez. All right. This was and you know, Goady put up a better fight than I thought he was going to. All right, he lost, but my favorite part of this was he's a white kid named uh Kid Canelo. All right, yeah, exactly. A white kid from Arizona, and your nickname is Kid Canelo. That was that was fun for me. He was uh he definitely gave it his all throughout, yeah. Uh, but he wasn't he just wasn't nearly as good as Lopez.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Yeah, his all was not great, it wasn't not great at all. And the kid the name Kid Canelo, just because he's like a ginger who boxes and has light skin, it was like this might be a bit of a stretch, but yeah, he looked like he had just escaped straight out from the trailer and uh jumped into the ring. This kid was not not great, but yeah, I kept waiting for him to get like murdered and it didn't happen, so like yeah, good for him for lasting for as long as he did.

Xander Zayas

SPEAKER_00 12:55

He certainly had a chin without a doubt, because uh he was definitely not a vegan because he was eating a lot of leather. Um now in our main event on that top rank card, it was Zander's Ayas or Xander's AS versus Abbas Baru, and this was uh a good fight. I thought Xander's Ayas was patient and just played his game the whole time. How one judge even scored it for a boss makes me makes me wonder. All right, like yeah, Oliver Bryant was the guy's name. Now, everybody scored it the exact same, except Oliver Bryan had it for the wrong guy. All right. Now, the only the only thing I can think of is Oliver Bryant either uh had his card upside down, you know what I mean? Like he was writing in the wrong column, like, oh I'm I'm sorry, I got the guys mixed up. That's that's on me. I'm sorry, or he's somehow related to Baruch you know, like that's the only thing that makes it cousin he summers in Germany, and he's like, Ah, that guy's my neighbor.

Scarborough vs Valdez Surprises

SPEAKER_01 13:57

I'm not I'm not gonna piss him off now. Before uh Fritz just mentioned that he's German. This is uh like the blackest German dude ever, which number one, I kind of I had no idea about Baru. After this fight, I'm kind of a fan of the dude, like he hung in there while Zayus and this ridiculous Puerto Rican crowd that was just amped up to to 11. Like this crowd was ready to explode. And Xander Zayas put on a show, he won the fight. But you're you're thinking this poor guy, you know, the Baru's gonna come in and just shit the bed. Germany's on the other side of the planet, he's gotta be suffering from jet lag. Dude threw down, he put on a great performance, took some big shots, but also delivered some big shots, which then in turn made me like Zayus even more. Like, we we've seen him get tested, but he took some really big hits. It's like, all right, Xander Zayus is for sure legit. It's not flash in the pan, it's not that they're just throwing him whatever. Dude put on a clinic, got his ass beat, gave out an ass beating. It was a great fight. Also, after the fight, like both guys we see it all the time where you know they're all huggy and stuff, but this time when Xander Zayas was talking, it felt like more real, like he really did respect the fight.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

They are sparring partners too, or they were, you know. So they came up, uh they worked at the same gym for quite a while, so they are genuinely close. Like this wasn't just a made-for-tv moment. They yeah, yeah, they do know each other well, you know. Like you said, Baru, he was a champion coming into this one, you know. I mean, he had a belt, he put his belt on the line, just walked away with zero. He is a good fighter. It was just clearly Xander's AS Knight. Yeah, he needs a smaller forehead, too.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

That would help a little bit because Baru's forehead is so goddamn big. Don't be all yeah, yeah. But I don't know that his is his hairline, it like comes out and then scoops back, yeah. Uh, but maybe that's also what makes him better. Like he's got some extra armor up in the front there. Perhaps dude, dude was a good fighter, it was a great fight. I've really enjoyed this one, yeah, without a doubt.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

And then in there, I didn't watch any of this fight, but Shakur Stevenson beats Tiafimo Lopez. Now, on the highlights that I did watch, it looked like Shakur Stevenson was just giving a boxing lesson, yeah, to Tiafimo Lopez. He must have been landing that uh on the right side of Teo's face, uh just at will because he was completely swollen by the end of this. It was a bad enough beating that at the end of it, he didn't try even try to make excuses like no, at most I lost two rounds, you know, like he did against Cambosos. He took his belt and his pride, like Tio Fimo was genuinely defeated after this.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Yeah, you could hear it in his voice. So I I did watch this one and it was so boring, but in the sense, like if you like low-scoring baseball, like a pitcher's duel, that's what this was. And well, I can appreciate a pitcher's duel because you know it doesn't happen that often, somebody throwing a perfect game or something. But if it's every time, like if the guy never gives up any hits, but you're rooting for the other team after a while, you're like, Oh, this sucks. Like, why can't they hit off of this guy? It's the same thing, man. Like Shakur Stevenson, I have to give him credit where credit is due. He it's the sweet science of boxing on full display, but it's so boring. It's almost like UFC fighters that are really good at grappling. Like, cool, you're on the floor rolling around humping each other, and you won and you keep winning this way. This is the equivalent to that. And the even the announcer said, You're watching the equivalent to a no-hitter in baseball, and it's like, Yeah, I get that, but this is boxing. I want to see somebody get their head smashed in. It's like watching football, and they're just instead of like hitting each other on defense, they're just knocking the ball down, and it's like that's not exciting, like, yeah, you're gonna win, but grab an interception, hit somebody in the mud, get a sack. No, we're just gonna keep hitting it down to the ground. That's what this was.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Yeah, and uh from a guy that's actually bought tickets to see Shakur Stevenson and has watched plenty of his fights on free TV. I decided a while ago, I'm never gonna pay to watch this dude fight. Like, I'll watch the highlights, I get that, but uh, it's just not my favorite boxing. I think he's fantastic, he's absolutely gifted dude, but uh it's just not something I'm gonna pay to watch. So, yeah, uh all credit in the world. The dude is fantastic, just not a fan-friendly style. That uh, you know, I I I give him all the props in the world, but I'm just not I'm not gonna lay down my money to watch that dude fight.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Yeah, I will say the one thing that I'm not sure about now is what happens to Teofemo. He got picked apart, his face looked like he was uh what was her name? Veda in Stand By Me. Or no, no, no, not the Macaulay Culkin. Just so swollen and so beat up from the jabs.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

Looked like the catcher's mid after a no-hitter.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Uh and and for his ring walk, he came out with the jabba walkies and started like dancing with them. And it's like, cool, you were practicing dance moves, you're about to fight Shakur Stevenson. Like, right, you should be trying to get your speed up and not practicing your break dancing with a bunch of guys with masks. I'm I'm not shocked that he lost, but it's also kind of like we're gonna see him again, but in what capacity at what level? That's that's my big question.

SPEAKER_00 19:52

No doubt about it. So the other thing we mentioned at the beginning was Josh Kelly beat uh Bakram Morda Zilev. Uh, I probably say that wrong every damn time. Um, but he's not the champ anymore, so we don't even got to worry about it. Um, so Josh Kelly wins a close, close fight, but I didn't get to see this start to finish. But man, were the highlights fun? It was just a great 154-pound belt again in this one as the main event. Kudos to Josh Kelly for stepping up to a guy that made Tim Zoo look like an amateur, you know what I mean? Like he disposed of Tim Zoo so fast. So to for Josh Kelly to even last 12 with this guy, I would have thought would have been an accomplishment, but to actually win it was pretty incredible. So congrats to him on that.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

Uh yeah, I didn't even watch the highlights, but I'm I'm ready, Fritz. I'm ready to talk about the boxing moment of the are you ready or not yet?

SPEAKER_00 20:49

I'm gonna tell you about the best uh knockout of the weekend. Okay, okay, and then we'll then we'll have the best KO of the weekend afterwards. All right. Uh so if you haven't already seen this, and I think you sat there and watched it with me, uh, Josh Padley. I don't even remember uh who you fought, but just the knockout of the weekend. So if you haven't watched, uh I'm pretty sure you sat there next to me and watched it when we were watching the highlights from Newcastle. Josh Padley scores the absolute knockout of the weekend. Uh so anybody out there's um Belmed. Yeah, so anybody out there that didn't get to see Josh Padley uh just clean a guy's clock. I definitely watched that. And then the the KO of the weekend, Franco. This was not a knockout, but a knockoff, all right. Yeah, uh Jarrell Big Pharma Miller took on Kingsley eBay. All right. Now we remember our buddy Kingsley eBay from the top rank cards where he was taking on, you know, uh a different heavyweight every other month. And he's a fun fighter, all right. But in the it was funny when I was reading the story of this KO, um the the eBay. SPN guy said, Oh, and heavyweight contender, Jarrell Miller. There's no way this dude's a contender. He's taking on Kingsley eBay and barely going the distance. All right. Every real heavyweight he's gone against has just destroyed him. But here's what Kingsley eBay did. He lost the fight, but he he won the war because he knocked Big Pharma Miller's hair piece off. All right. The guy wears a wears a dupe into the ring, and it just flies off. Dude, why you have to watch, just put in your YouTube uh Gerrell Miller uh hair piece, and you'll see it literally pop off like a like a like a pop top coming off, and and then it just falls back down on the top of his head. Oh what a what just chef's kiss for a boxer that I don't give a shit about. I was uh well the I say I don't give a shit. That's wrong because I think he's a piece of garbage. You know, you fail that many tests, and I don't got a name room for you. So um maybe it's all the stuff that made us yeah. Do do PEDs lead to hair loss, Franco? I don't I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

I mean, that's why my hair is falling out, yeah. That's why I also'm so jacked, allegedly, yeah. It was definitely a hair-raising experience watching that thing, and and it did stay like attached in the back, so it was flopping up and down like it was trying to talk, like it was hungry and wanted to come out to eat. It was so great, and then the best part is that there was a ring of hair around where they had shaved for the hair piece, like you could tell they shaved uh a little uh landing pad for the glue and everything to attach the hair piece, and so there was a ring of hair going around it, and so then he ends up taking it off when the round ends. He goes over to his corner and they take it off, and he looked like he should be on the bottle for some kind of like old friar tuck beer, like like some. Oh, this is uh I don't know, I'm trying to think a Saison craft brew from Belgium, and then he would be on the front of the label with his little round bald spot on top.

Teofilo Lopez vs Shakur Stevenson

SPEAKER_00 24:10

It was I imagined you would get really drunk because there's a lot of drugs in the in the beer, yeah, or get really strong, one of the two absolutely. So um, yeah, what a great weekend of boxing. We had stuff on, like we said, top rank the zone pro box TV, even Zufa snuck one in on us on Sunday that I got a catch up on, and I think I'm gonna check those out. Kudos to Paramount Plus, they do make a nice catch-up package where all the in-between round stuff is done. You just you just watch the fight pretty much uninterrupted from start to finish. It's pretty wonderful. The only thing uh was that was a big drawback is uh I only lasted a minute before I muted it because it was definitely Tessator, Ward, and Kellerman again in the one fight that I watched. So, yeah, I think a lot of uh my Zufa boxing is gonna be on mute, Franco. But looking at the schedule ahead, your buddy, your favorite boxer, Ryan Garcia is going for a hundred and forty-seven-pound belt against Mario Barrios, February 21st. Oh, god, yeah, I see it. God same same day is Lee Wood, you know, the perm returns versus Josh Warrington. Should be a good one. I would love to watch that one. Our girl Sandy Ryan is on that card too. February 21st is gonna be a big day for boxing, and there's a couple things between now and then, but I think that'll be the next time that we kind of get together is after that February 21st slate of action. I'll definitely take in everything that happens and keep notes on it, but I think really the next time we're gonna get together is to cover the stuff from February 21st and between now and then.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

I don't know. Some of the fights I'm excited about, I guess. I god, I wish Ryan Garcia would go away. He still randomly pops up in my feed, and every time I just get irritated because it's like I wanted him to be good, I really did, but man, that that dude's right in the same category for me as like Kanye or CM Punk or like all these other people that I root for, and then it turns out like there's something about them that's just a deal breaker for me for Brian Garcia. It's that he's a piece of shit, and I wish he would just go away, but he won't.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

Well, uh Franco, did you prepare uh trivia for for this episode? Uh, I did not. Did you? I did not. Okay, we'll we'll have to get our shit together. Yeah, we'll have to. You know what? There was so much boxing, we didn't even have time for a trivia question.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Uh uh, I'll have one for you for next time. I'll have one lined up.

SPEAKER_00 26:50

Sounds wonderful. So, yeah, that was a lot to cover. Thanks for everybody for tuning in. Thanks for staying subscribed. Thanks to Franco for doing all the work. I just come on here and blab and make fun of guys that can snap me in half. And uh, it's fun to do with my buddy Franco. And uh yeah, thanks for listening. If you don't have anything else, Franco, I'm throwing in the style.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Thank you for listening to Punches and Punchlines. Make sure to like, subscribe, and follow. And we'll see you next week when we break down the best in boxing with a sense of humor.