What Difference can a Doula Make in a Case of Retained Placenta? Darla's Birth Story, Part I

Today we hear from a mother of two who has a degree in public health and was trained as a doula before her first pregnancy.
She didn't expect her water to break the way it did
She didn't expect a retained placenta or the hemorrhage that followed 

and thanks to both her resilience, and the skillful work of her doula, that experience was followed by a second pregnancy and birth.

She also shares great tips about managing the chaos of postpartum with a whiteboard
What follows is the first part of our conversation

Doula care is currently covered by insurance in 21 states:
https://www.kff.org/medicaid/issue-brief/challenges-and-strategies-in-expanding-non-traditional-pregnancy-related-services-findings-from-a-survey-of-state-medicaid-programs/#:~:text=Endnotes,reimbursed%20through%20a%20bundled%20payment).
To find more from Darla:
Website:

howtoaffordeverything.com

Socials:

instagram.com/my_finansis

youtube.com/@my_finansis

Transcript

Paulette: [00:00:00] Thanks so much for coming on the show. Can you introduce yourself and tell us where you're from? 

Darla: Yes. Hi, I am Darla Bishop and I currently live in beautiful Lansing, Michigan.

And I say currently live because I'm a military spouse and you'll hear a lot about that during this conversation. And so I've lived lots of places in the U S but right now we're calling Lansing, Michigan 

Paulette: home. Wow. That is I'm going to extend a thank you from everyone who's listening , because being a military spouse or being in the military is an exceedingly challenging experience, or so it seems from afar so we are here to talk about the family that you created and sometimes the family you create reflects the family you came from. So I'm wondering did you always know you wanted to be a mom? How does all that work for you? 

Darla: I am the oldest of three. I have a younger sister and a younger brother and raised mostly by a single mom. My family dynamic is different.

I am married. I intend to be married until one of us dies. Even if one of us has to [00:01:00] push the other one in that direction. 

Paulette: Relatable and fair. 

Darla: And we have two kids and, and have on purpose stopped at two. I remember having a very clear conversation with my husband, , do you like being married to a sane woman?

And he said, I don't know. I've never tried it. And we had a good laugh and I said, well, Let me tell you, you have your best shot if we stop at two kids. 

Paulette: Yeah. 

Darla: So, I think we should do something about that. And he said, no problem, I'll make the appointment.

And very thankful that he was happy to take care of our fertility so that we could stay at two. 

Paulette: Okay. Excellent. Well, this sounds like you're on the path you want to be on. It sounds like you grew up knowing that you wanted to have kids. 

Darla: Yeah. As the older sister, I think I played mommy a lot. I think, and hopefully it was helpful to my mom.

Cause I know now that I'm a mom, I think I know, I think I see it, how stressed out my mom was. And so hopefully me being the oldest sister and wanting to take care of the kids and do things for them and with them was helpful to [00:02:00] her. And I think I, I wanted to have a family because I liked kids when I was the bigger kid.

 I think I did want kids and then I didn't, and then I did, and then I didn't. It was one of those things where When you are building a career and you're enjoying your life and you're enjoying your spouse, you're kind of like, well, when is a good time? And there isn't a good time and you just make it all work and we did not have any issues with fertility.

And we kind of just were like, let's just ride this train as long as we can. And then when the kids happened, they have. 

Paulette: It sounds like you walked into pregnancy pretty easily since there were no fertility problems.

Yeah, a little 

Darla: too easily, but we won't get too much into my business. 

Paulette: Okay. So, so what did you imagine the pregnancy would be like before you stepped into it? So I was a 

Darla: doula. After I finished college, one of the ways that I wanted to give [00:03:00] back is I was a Spanish speaker and I'd learn about doulas.

I think when I was in graduate school, I have a master's in public health and one of the community doula organizations had come to give a presentation. They said, Oh, and if any of you are Spanish speakers, we really, really need Spanish speakers. And there's a scholarship available.

So you can become a trained doula. So I went through 80 hours of doula training, and then got to work in the hospital and catch babies, which was super cool.

Amazing. I didn't have my own kids for, probably five or six years after I caught my first baby. And I remember having lots of information, about how it works, how it looks, how it smells even, but when it's not your body, you don't fully understand.

And so I think I expected to feel a little bit crappy, but to feel pretty good. And to be excited about growing our family and having the time. And we had been married for what felt like a long time, at least to our parents, they were like, you guys are finally having some kids and I remember [00:04:00] being very clear about like, you don't know what it took us to get here.

It turns out it didn't take us a whole lot, but you don't know if we had trouble. You don't know if we have money issues. You don't know if our relationship is healthy. Do not ask when we're having kids. We'll tell you. Don't worry. Yeah, 

Paulette: Darla from, from your mouth to every parent's ear, there's so much parental interest in that topic in a way that is not helpful.

So totally fair. 

Darla: Yeah. And I remember having very clear vision. I wanted to have a home birth and my husband was like, Nope, can't do that. And I was like, what do you mean? He was like, I don't really want to see any of that. What if something goes wrong? It'll make me too nervous. , Nope.

I know you're a doula and you are a little woowoo or whatever you call it, and you want to go stand in the woods and hold onto a tree and squat down, but that's not my scene. We need to be at a hospital. And I was like, okay, fine. 

Paulette: Good Lord, is your husband lucky? Tell me why. Because a lot of people get attached to that idea of this is the birth I want to have. And maybe because you were a [00:05:00] doula, you know, not to get attached, but, still a home birth and a hospital birth have such different vibes so for you to say, okay, I'll compromise on this and go to the hospital. I, I hope he knows how lucky he is. 

Darla: Well, I'll tell you what I'm the lucky one. Cause my husband lets me live my life and he's just kind of along for the ride. And so I can probably count on one hand, even though I've been in a relationship with this person for nearly, we'll make 20 years next year, we'll make 20 years in a relationship.

And I can count on one hand, the times that he's specifically. Asked for something or said, nope, this is how I need it to be done. Or this is the way I want it. And I honor that because he's so like, Oh, that's what you want to do. Okay. I guess that's what we're doing right now. And so he was like, no, I don't want to be worried about it.

We got to go to a hospital. I was like, okay, fine. And because I have seen beautiful birth experiences in hospital settings, I knew that I could create a lot of that, especially if I had a good relationship with my OB, if I decided we needed to bring a doula along. [00:06:00] And so the parts of what mattered to me for the birth process, I knew I could bring it.

It wasn't so much about the setting, but about some of the ways I want it to be. 

Paulette: Okay. And 

Darla: I knew I could do that. 

Paulette: Okay. So in a different, more accurate way, kudos to your husband for being loose enough in general life that his request is honored when it is something serious like that. So. So, you've seen a lot of births and probably you've been involved in the pregnancy.

So you've seen that, but I'm imagining it feels different than it looks. It does. It does. And I remember 

Darla: Had this horrible, horrible hip pain during the last trimester of my pregnancy. And I had a little bit of sickness in the first trimester, but in the second trimester was just tired, but I delivered in June. So where we were living at the time, winter, nobody came outside in winter. So it was like, no problem. Great. I have a perfect excuse to be cuddled up on the couch with all the blankets, you know, eating whatever I want or watching movies. 

And then once the weather started to [00:07:00] lift and the birds were singing and the flowers were booming, my energy was back. And so I was going on walks and I was so happy to be outside and my belly was starting to get a little bigger. And so people were noticing. And, and so it was actually a really lovely first pregnancy.

 It was really quite lovely because it was kind of like as spring was growing and blooming, so was I. And I remember being on walks on my lunch break with a co worker and kind of feeling that way. Like, Oh, look, me and the spring are growing together. That's awesome. That is awesome. 

Paulette: So take us to the day of the birth.

How do you know today's the day? 

Darla: So it was my due date and my OB had told me, Hey, just so you know, our hospital system has a special protocol for African American women because it turns out our outcomes are not so great.

And so we will not let you go past 40 plus four. I think it was. And I said, okay, I get that. She said, so once we get to 40 plus four, we're going to induce just because our data tells us that that increases our chances of not having some bad [00:08:00] outcomes. And I was like, Hey. That data sounds great to me. I would like to live.

Paulette: Yeah. 

Darla: Thank you. And so I went to my 40 week appointment. So it was my 4040 day. And she said, Hey, you're looking real good. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. She's like, any contract has had a little bit of tightness yesterday, but nothing that stayed. And she said, okay would you like us to strip your membranes?

And I was like, Oh yeah. And so for those who are listening, who don't know what that means, usually they take a small device, usually plastic, and they just kind of rub against your amniotic sac so that it thins out just a bit. So that when you're in your normal course of movement over the next couple of days, it then pops.

Paulette: Which you can feel or you cannot feel. 

Darla: You cannot feel, so it's a very gentle motion. You kind of feel a little bit of pressure cause they're getting up in there, but it's , just a quick little rub on the amniotic sac and just to weaken that part of it so that over the next day or so, as you walk around, it bursts for you so that your water actually breaks.

And I said, yeah, you [00:09:00] know what? Let's do it. She said, cause we got an issue in four days. Anyway, you want to just see if we can get your water to break over the next A couple of days, I said, yeah, I feel good. I got everything I need. We've got the car seats in the car. We've got my bag in the back.

So yeah, let's try it. So she goes to do it. And then my water break, she said, oh, you probably would have just gone into labor anyway. 

Paulette: Wow. 

Darla: It was kind of anticlimactic because I was just expecting so maybe when I'm walking around over the course of the next day or so, so I had my big pad on.

Just in case, but she was like, Oh, we just popped your water. So I guess you're going to the hospital now. And I was like, okay, so let me call my husband. So I said, Hey, it turns out my water broke at my appointment. So can you meet me at the hospital? He was like, do I need to come now? I was like, Oh no, we've got time.

I said, in fact, I'm stopping at the drive thru because once I get to the hospital, I know they're not going to let me eat. 

d: Yeah. 

Darla: So what do you want from the drive thru? And then I call my mom. who I wasn't so sure I wanted in the room, but I was like, you know what? I'll call her. If she comes, she comes. If she doesn't, she doesn't what didn't feel right to [00:10:00] do is to not give her the chance.

And then I would deal with my feelings in either side on the other side of it, but I at least needed to give her the chance. And she was about two and a half hours away. And then I call my boss and I go, Hey I'm not coming to work today.

He's like, Oh, is everything okay? I said, Oh yeah, I'm in labor. He's like, you seem awfully calm to be in labor. I was like, yeah, we're just at the beginning. We, we probably won't have a baby for another day or so. He's like, Oh, okay. So do you need anything? I'm like, Nope. I have my computer. I probably got a few hours before the action really starts.

So I'll put up all my, Out of office messages and I'll send those last few emails with the status report for things because you know, I was the last few weeks my pregnancy So I had all that stuff kind of ready. 

Paulette: What are we thinking about birth you're so chill about this Are you excited for birth?

 You feel like you're ready? , yeah, I'm totally ready. I'm like, okay, 

Darla: good. For the previous three or four weeks, I've been like every day, wake up like, oops, today's the day. I'm going to have a baby is today. The day I'm going to have a baby is today. The day I'm going to have a baby.

So we finally got it. Okay. Today's the day I'm going to have a baby. Okay. 

Paulette: Okay. [00:11:00] Okay. This is making sense. Mine was scheduled. So I knew the day I was having a baby, but. I can't imagine on that day that I would do anything with email. 

Darla: Oh, okay. But we're clearly very different people.

 My to do list, if I didn't clear it, I was going to be on maternity leave. Like I didn't clear my to do list. I didn't clear my to do list. I am an overthinker. And so taking things off my to do list helps clear my brain. 

Paulette: Okay. 

Darla: Okay. And I knew I was going to be away from work for three months because I told them, Hey everybody, I'm taking the maximum allowed by U S law.

Yeah. Even though you're paying me 0 to do so, I'm going to take the maximum I'll see y'all in 12 weeks. So that you all don't have any reason to call me because that's illegal by the way. Don't call me or text me or email me. You can ask for baby pictures. I'll send those, but don't ask me anything about work.

I have created a status report that I will send to you every week and on the day that I go out. And so that was my way of putting up the boundary, but also feeling good about leaving my team with what I thought they needed to leave me that fuck alone. 

Paulette: Yes. Fair. Okay. Good. Okay. [00:12:00] Good. So we're, we're in early labor.

You're not 

Darla: feeling a ton. Nope. In fact, I'm like, where are the contractions? And the contractions don't come. So my OB was still at the doctor's office. She was working her regular OB shift. And she said, Oh, I'm on at the hospital tomorrow morning. So, you know, we'll see if I deliver maybe one of the other doctors will deliver from the practice.

And so I get there and the, the OB on duty is like, Oh, you've got a nice size baby. And I'm like, what does that mean? I can't tell if she's telling me it's a big baby, it's a regular baby. She's like, no, just a nice size. I'm like, I don't know what that means. Are you trying to scare me? Cause I'm not scared, but are you trying to scare me?

She's like, no, it's just a nice size. I'm like, okay. And I said, yeah, I know we've just met, but it's really important for me to move a lot. I know that that's how I'll be able to manage my pain. And so whatever we got to do to be able to let me be able to walk, to move my hips, to be able to dance. If you've got any of those big balls, she's like, do you need to be in water?

I was like, no, I don't need to be in water. If the room you are putting me in allows for that, sure, but it's not necessary, but I do know movement is how I'll Keep everything moving. They were like, [00:13:00] okay, it's been a few hours. So we're going to give you some medicine to get your contractions going.

Cause they're just not starting the way we want them. And since your water has already broken, we don't want too much time to pass. I say, yeah, no problem. So they give you the medicine, the contractions start coming. I'm like, Oh, okay. All right. These are contractions. Got it. All right. And they're like, Ooh, they're coming, but we'd like them to be a little stronger.

And I'm like, you want them to be stronger. But I'm managing well, you, why are you ruining this for me? I'm managing this pain. Well, I'm breathing. I'm taking my deep breaths. Yeah. I'll get a move in. Why are you ruining this for me? And they're like, well, no, we need, we need a little more power to, so that everything can open up.

I'm like, okay. So they give me a little more medicine and I'm like, okay, good. Things are moving the way we want. We're going to give you one more dose of medicine. I'm like, okay, I think I can handle it. So it's the middle of the night and they're like, we need you to lay in this bed because at this point they have , that monitor on my belly so they can hear baby's heart rate.

But I was moving a lot because that's how I was managing my pain, swaying, rocking, doing booty [00:14:00] shaking, because the same movements you do to get the baby in are really helpful in getting the baby out. That's interesting. And the nurse was like, Oh, we can't get a good read on the baby. We need you to lay here.

We just really need to get a read on the baby. So she made me stay in the bed for a whole hour. And my pain was so strong. And when she finally came back, I said, do you have enough for reading the baby? She's like, it's not so great. So we need you to stay here longer. I said, laying in this bed is going to kill me.

Because I was managing my pain really well when I could move, but you're telling me I can't move. We need a different solution. Why is the movement helping you 

Paulette: just because it's distracting or 

Darla: because it's distracting. I'm able to sway my hips because so much of the pain was in that hip. 

d: So 

Darla: being able to move with the pains, do the hip circles for the, for the audience listening, I'm actually doing the movement.

So just imagine it being able to rock back and forth just to get some different action going to [00:15:00] have my husband put pressure in different points, the same things that I would have done with a client I was helping, right. Yeah. It just helped me to get through that moment and , okay, the pain's gone now we can continue our conversation.

Then here's another one. Right. And she said, Oh, we can do an internal monitor. And I was like, why, why is this the first I'm hearing this I could have had an internal monitor this whole time. And I've been laying here in horrible pain when I was managing so well before. And she was like, sorry, we didn't know you were interested in that.

I'm like, . That's so interesting because I've told everybody in this room, it's really important for me to move my body because that's going to help me manage my pain. So how'd you miss that memo? I'm not sure, but thank you. So they put the internal monitor in, everything's good. They're like, Oh, baby's great.

, yeah, great. And so I was able to move and walk around again. And so even as things got really strong, as the contractions got stronger and harder and everything, no problems because I was able to move and breathe and bend and shift my body and talk to my body and tell my body, this was normal and say, no, we're opening up, everything's [00:16:00] good.

This is exactly what's supposed to happen. And so when it came time to deliver. The resident came in this wonderful, beautiful resident. This resident was so pretty. I was like, Oh my God, you're so pretty. You could have been a model. Why are you a doctor? And I go, I know this is weird, but I would really like to labor on my hands and knees.

And she said, I think I can do that. She literally turned her head to the side, I think, cause she was imagining, how she would need to look at things to catch the baby. I said, I'd really like to labor on hands and knees because if you see any animal in the wild give birth, how do they give birth kind of in that all forced position because gravity help them.

And anytime I've had a mom where I can get her in hands and knees, I can usually get that baby down so that the pushing is just smoother because gravity is working with you versus against you. 

She was like, yeah, we can do that. And the, the OB who was there to supervise said, yeah, we've done that before. I can assist if I can [00:17:00] talk you through it. I was like, okay, good. So we get into the show. My doula is there. And they're like, okay, are you ready to push? I'm on hands and knees. And we get that baby out in four pushes because gravity helped me.

Mm hmm I take in I take in some gas because, I really didn't want an epidural because I wanted to be able to move and once you have an epidural, they make you stay in the bed. And I was like, we can do everything up until that, because movement was really, I knew was going to help me.

And so the baby comes out, baby's all yucky, the way they should be, but I have this great picture of my husband.

My doula was snapping pictures of the baby coming out. And he looks so disgusted and I'm sure he never expected anyone to see that face. And I was like, Oh, you poor thing. Were you okay? He was like, it just, it just looked like you were in a lot of pain. And I was like, no, dude, you were disgusted by what was happening.

Like you did this to me though. 

Paulette: Exactly. Exactly. 

Darla: And so the baby comes out, we get the baby weighed, we get the [00:18:00] baby cleaned up. Baby latches right away. Cause I'm breastfed. And the nurse who was very lovely. This is a new nurse by this time. Is like, oh, you're doing so great. Your, OB just came.

Cause my doctor had just come on duty. And she said, you couldn't wait 15 minutes where it was like, sorry, doc. And she's like, okay, we'll come check you in a few minutes. The nurse says you're doing good. So we'll just come check in a few minutes. So the nurse. She says, yeah, you're doing so great.

You didn't have any meds, you know, are you doing okay? I'm like, yeah, I'm doing fine. She's like, okay, would you like to take a shower? You know, you got a little messy and I was like, oh, I'd love to take a shower. That would just make me feel like a new woman. 

d: Yeah. 

Darla: And she said, okay,

let me go put some extra towels down in the bathroom. So you won't slip because really at this point, you've, you've been doing so good. It's really the slip risk. So she says, let me go put a few extra towels down. So you can take a shower.

 Okay, that sounds lovely. So the nurse so sweetly put all these extra towels down. She said, Oh, did you bring any shampoo or soap that you want to use? And so my mom grabs out of the bag and she sets it up so nicely. So she takes an extra few minutes to set up the bathroom, really kind [00:19:00] gesture, right?

Then she's like, okay, we're ready for you in the bathroom. She's like, let me just do one quick check. Where they push down to just check for anything and a huge pool of blood. And clots come out and she turns lily white and says, just a minute. And my doctor comes in, the lights come out and the doctor said, Hey, we think you retained a little bit of placenta.

So we got to get in there. And I was like, okay, what does that mean? She says, we got to manually express. And I'm like, manually express. I know what that means in breastfeeding. What does that mean for a uterus? So what it means, and this gets graphic, what it means is she's got to stick her arm. As far up in me as she can 

Paulette: to 

Darla: literally fill around to see if there's any abnormalities inside of my uterus to make sure that there's no tissue held behind because I've lost a lot of blood in those few minutes that the nurse took to so lovingly set up the bathroom.

And the doctor says, before we start, we have a few minutes. Do you want drugs? [00:20:00] I know you didn't have any medicine while you were laboring. I was like, no, I'm fine. And my doula looks at me and she says, you want the drugs? And I say, I'm sorry, my doula says I want the drugs. Do we still have time for that?

And they, yeah, no problem. So somebody hits me on one leg with, kind of like an EpiPen style injection. And then on the left leg, and then once again on the right side. And then they say, okay, we're going to give it about one more minute. And Okay. And then we got to start, but the pain meds should kick in soon and then we'll do local and they did some local anesthetic too.

What's the mood in the room? It has shifted. Yeah. Yeah. My mom is trying to tell my husband, let me hold the baby so you can hold Darla's hand. Yeah. And he's holding on to the baby with both hands, holding her so closely, very subtly rocking.

And what that tells me is he is scared, but he cannot say that. Yeah. And my mom is like, go be with your wife. I'll hold the baby. He's like, Nope, this is my baby. You sit there. I'm holding my baby. I'm watching [00:21:00] my wife. Sit there. I got it. But he's trying not to be rude or to let on that he's shaken. Right.

My doctor's like, hey, we got some stuff to do. It'll be okay. But we got some stuff to do because it went from this very calm, like, oh, what a wonderful birth experience. What a strong mama to surgical lights, five people in the room. People talking the doula in my ear, like, Hey, this is what's happening next.

This is what's happening next. This is what happening next. I'm like, okay. And I asked the doula, do I need to be worried? She was like, I don't think so. I think you're going to be okay because your doctor's here. Yeah. I was like, you're right. My doctor is here. Okay. Let me just say that I'm panicked and it clearly worked out.

So 

Paulette: yeah, 

Darla: it did. So, I've decided I can't look at my husband anymore cause I can tell he's a mess and I'm like, Nope, he's a mess, but I'm okay. I'm okay. I feel okay. I'm okay. My dual is here. He's holding the baby. Everything's going to be fine. So the doctor does whatever she needs to do with her arm. She puts on this glove that goes all the way to her shoulder.

Paulette: Yeah. And like NASA [00:22:00] style. Yes. 

Darla: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when she pulls her arm out, there is blood and debris all the way up above her elbows. So she was all up in my body. Yep. And I remember just,, not thinking about it. , my doula was like, hey, you did so good giving birth. It's gonna be a little bit different, so let's just breathe.

I got you. Do you feel the pain meds? Are they kicking in? She was keeping her very calm voice. Being like everything's okay walking me through because she knew I wanted to know what was happening She's like, yep, the doctor's in looks like she's feeling around. I'm sure you can feel that the nurse is handing her things Oh great.

Okay. They're stitching you up now. Can you feel that stitching? I said, well, I can kind of feel that And so she says hey she can feel that so they give me a little bit more local anesthetic And then once all is said and done, they're like, okay There's no more bleeding. We stitched you up. We're gonna monitor you.

How are you feeling? , I'm exhausted. I was feeling okay before, but I don't know what you just did, but it feels like I ran what I think it feels [00:23:00] like to run a marathon. And I am exhausted now. And they said, yeah, you rest. We'll keep a very close eye on you, but you haven't lost any more blood.

You didn't lose too much. We don't even need to give you a blood transfusion fusion. We caught things fast enough. And so I just knocked out for three hours. Three hours, just fell asleep because my body was like, whoa, what the fuck just happened? Yeah, but in my brain, what's so interesting is in my brain, I was kind of like, no, I'm okay.

My doctor's here. The doula is here. My husband's here. My mom is here. It was a little scary seeing all that blood. It was trippy to see the doctor's whole arm with me on it. Yeah, but in my brain I was like, no, everything's okay. My brain was telling me everything was okay. 

Paulette: That's super interesting to have this different message from body and brain.

And when they sew you up, does that mean they found, a piece of placenta that was still attached? Okay. They 

Darla: found some retained [00:24:00] placenta, so doctor manually scraped it out with her hand because delicate to use a tool. So she was able to get it out with her hand. And then in the process of getting her arm where it needed to be I tore a bit, I had a very minor tear, so they gave me two stitches before they discovered the hemorrhage. And then, the doctor just broke those with her arm. Yeah. And so then I got a bunch more stitches after. Okay. Then the tear was a lot bigger from her neededness to do what she needed to do to, to, to make sure I didn't die.

And so recovery was oddly uneventful. They were like, yeah, take a few iron pills. Yeah. Let us know if you have any headaches. Let us know if you notice anything about your blood pressure or you feel lightheaded, but , otherwise, within 24 hours of observation, all your stuff looks normal.

So we're going to release you. And you have a doctor's appointment in about a week. Baby has a doctor's appointment in a couple days. But everything seems fine. But [00:25:00] if anything changes, just call us and you can come in. But everything was fine. The weirdest thing I had in my recovery was the the stitches from the tear.

They were just so itchy. But it was on the inside of me. And it's like, I don't even know. know how to scratch that. So it's just this weird itch on the inside that I can't do anything about. 

Paulette: But the itching is healing, right? Isn't that what that's supposed to signify? Yeah. Right. Yeah. How is your husband?

Is he unfrozen from that, 

Darla: by the time I woke up and I think it had about two or three hours had passed, he was in the same position, but had relaxed, relaxed some. I think at one point I glanced over, he was doing some skin to skin with the baby.

At another point he had a shirt back on, but was holding the baby. So he was kind of in the same position in the same seat, holding the baby, but with a more relaxed face and a more relaxed body. 

Paulette: Good. I wonder if it is normal [00:26:00] protocol to push on your abdomen before you get up because that seems like that was the trigger for figuring out something was going on.

Darla: Yeah. They are supposed to be doing that every 30 to 45 minutes to see how much blood is coming out if it's just a little whoosh of blood, that's normal as the uterus does that initial retraction to its initial size, which takes a full six weeks. But even in that day, it starts to do that a little bit.

And there's even some medicines that they can give to help that speed along if they're concerned about bleeding risk. And then they're supposed to check because if a big whoosh of blood, let's check things out. 

Paulette: . Okay. So, do you go home 24 hours later and Yeah, 

Darla: they 

Paulette: sent me home with a baby 

Darla: and a bunch of papers. 

Paulette: Yes. I remember being shoved out of the hospital, much to my dismay why are you trusting me? This makes no sense. And so what was postpartum like? , had you prepared for postpartum? Did you know what it would be like?[00:27:00] 

Yeah, I think so. I 

Darla: I had a really fun time. I think probably a couple weeks before I had the baby, my father in law, who is just the most lovely person, really. No wonder my husband is so awesome because of who he is. Dad is. And he said, Oh, I bought my plane tickets. And his plane tickets were like for my due date.

And I remember like sitting in the car crying to my husband. I was like, I love your dad so much, but I don't want him here. The first week after I have a baby, I'm going to be bleeding and dripping milk and on, and on everything. And I don't want him to see me like that. Like, I don't want him to see me like that.

 Can we have a few days? And he was like, sure. , I didn't know this was a big deal. My dad wants to come to help, cause he'll cook and he'll clean and he'll run errands for us. And I'm like, I know, but I just want a few days to just be bloody and milky by myself on the couch. And he was like, okay, I'll tell my dad.

So he told him and his dad changed his tickets to a, week after my due date. And then [00:28:00] when he did come, it was so nice to have him. And I was glad that. I had a few days to be bloody and milky in my house before we figure things out before we were hosting because even though they say you're not hosting, you're still hosting.

Yeah. 

Paulette: Well that sounds like the best possible transition into that period. Yeah. And then it was cooking and cleaning and 

Darla: yeah. And then it was summertime. And one of my. Friends. Had said, Hey, make sure you tell people how to help you because people don't know how to help.

And so if you tell them they'll do it. And so she gave me the idea of putting up a whiteboard in the living room, and it said things you can help mom with. So it was like do a load of laundry, fill up water bottles, cut some fruits and vegetables, cook a meal, freeze a meal, all those practical things that if it's on the board, I don't have to say it.

Right? And then rule for overnight guests, make sure you change the sheets in the bed. Because we had people visiting, which, because this was before COVID. So you could have lots of people visiting you and think about it [00:29:00] twice, right? Yes, please come over and cook some food and do some laundry.

Hold a baby while I shower. Because my husband's parental leave wasn't so great. So it was nice to have a rotating list of family and friends kind of stopping into check on me while my husband was still at work or even at military duty. That summer. And And it was great. That board was great because oftentimes I only expected my friends or family members to do one of the things and they just do all the things.

They'd be like, okay, I filled all your water bottles. I put the lasagna in the oven. I cut some fruit and vegetables. You need anything else? I was like, Oh, I didn't mean for you to do all the things, but thanks. 

Paulette: That really worked out well done. Yeah. So when you have a little bit of time to reflect, What's our view of that birth?

Darla: You know, it all worked out. And so I had a beautiful pregnancy. It didn't scare me from having another kid. Okay, good. And I think I had made a decision And, you know, I think there's a little bit more news coverage of this now than even there was in 2018 when I had that [00:30:00] baby. That health out birth outcomes for black women are not so great.

And I was living in an area where, thankfully, the hospital had recognized that and put some things in place. And I also had made a very deliberate choice to have a white doula, because I thought that in case. I was not listened to my doula would be.

Paulette: I might interject here I wouldn't say that birth outcomes for black women are different. I would say dramatically different, black women are three times more likely than white women to suffer from maternal mortality, which is terrifying. So, so it is a really different thing.

And even though maternal mortality is not. A big number in the U. S. You are a young, healthy person who should not die in childbirth or 

Darla: shortly 

Paulette: thereafter. [00:31:00] Yeah. So I feel that very much as a, something you may carry into the hospital if you're, up on those statistics. And I think having a doula is a great way to better your chances of being listened to, of being attended to, there is some high fraction of that, that is considered preventable.

 So something's going on there. I'm glad that you have a doula and that you feel okay because the first one was you had the attention. I'm so grateful to your doula for telling you to get medication for that. 

Darla: Me too.