March Madness! Preparing for Tryouts in Youth Hockey

As youth hockey tryouts loom on the horizon, the anticipation and nerves can feel overwhelming for players and parents alike. In this insightful episode, our seasoned hosts Lee Elias, Christie Casciano Burns, and Mike Bonelli dive into the heart of youth hockey's "March Madness," offering a wealth of advice on how to approach tryouts with a winning mindset.

What You'll Learn:

• Strategies for Success: Discover proven strategies for standing out during tryouts and making a lasting impression on coaches.
• Mental Preparation: Learn how to mentally prepare for the pressures of tryouts, fostering resilience and focus in young athletes.
• Physical Conditioning: Get tips on physical preparation that can give players an edge over the competition.
• Navigating the Process: Understand the importance of researching teams and aligning with the right fit for your athlete's development and happiness.

Why Listen:
Whether you're a parent navigating the tryout process for the first time or a veteran seeking to refine your approach, this episode is packed with invaluable insights. From practical advice on preparation to fostering a positive mindset, Lee, Christie, and Mike cover all the bases, ensuring you're fully equipped for the tryout season.

Don't let "March Madness" catch you off guard. Tune in to "March Madness! Preparing for Tryouts in Youth Hockey" for expert guidance and support through every step of the tryout process.

Stay ahead of the game and help your young athlete navigate tryouts with confidence. This episode is not just about making the team—it's about laying the groundwork for a successful and rewarding season ahead.

Our Kids Play Hockey is powered by NHL Sense Arena!

NHL Sense Arena, is a virtual reality training game designed specifically to improve hockey sense and IQ for both players and goalies. Experience the next generation of off-ice training in VR with over 100+ drills and training plans curated from top coaches and players.

Use Code "HockeyNeverStops" at Hockey.SenseArena.com to score $50 off an annual plan!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:46

the world and welcome back to another edition of our kids play hockey. I'm Leo, lias is joined by always my best friends in the world, mike Bernal and Christy cash in a burns. And guys listen, it's early in the year when we're recording this season and we're going to be talking about all of the teams that I am part of. Parents asking questions, looking around, who's going where? What team am I going to make? This is the team I want to make next year. Are we going to be on the same team next year? Lee? Will you coach that team? What are we going to do? It's the madness of the end of the season. So we're not going to be talking about evaluations directly today, but we are going to talk about that journey, that road to the next season. So we're going to be talking about that and we're going to be talking about that and we're going to have to have these conversations. So, at the end of this episode, my goal, mike Christie, for the parents, for the people listening, is to a give you some perspective on what's happening, especially if you're new to the sport, but, more importantly, maybe, maybe, calm you down or maybe give you some, some, some, something to hold on to here as we approach that. So, christie, I'm going to start with you, because you've actually been doing a lot of work on March Madness. That's what you call. That's the episode title, right?

Speaker 2: 3:19

there it's March Madness and parents get crazy. There's you're not even done with the season yet. You haven't even done your final tournaments and parents are already so worried about the next season. It's okay to start exploring. Put the feelers out there. If, for some reason, you don't want to be a part of the team, you're not happy. Maybe it wasn't a good season for your family, maybe it was too intense, maybe it wasn't intense enough and you meet need to make that jump, what I always did and we didn't jump around a lot, but there was one point where we had to, because Sophia needed to go on and we wanted her on girls team to start playing with the season. I was like I'm going to be on the team right around the end of the season. Is I just asked other parents, started doing research with parents and even call the organization and found out you know what? What are, what's it like here? You know how welcoming you are, you with girls and you know, do girls get treated just as equally as the boys? What is the best way to do it? You know what it is and got a feel for them. Have a good conversation with them. Have a one on one with them, those in person, face to face meetings you can really get a sense of what kind of a coach you're dealing with. So it's okay to start exploring it, but don't forget you still have to finish the season, to Don't give up on your, your teams, and there's a lot of work to do toward the end of the season. You know you're a little tired. You start, you know, feeling a little burned out. You can't wait for your kids to pick up the lacrosse. I get that, but in the home stretch you really need to give a hundred percent to. So don't forget that.

Speaker 1: 5:22

A hundred percent agree. You know, my message to my own children this time of year and the kids that that I coach I mean I don't have as much control over them other parents Is what you just said, chris. They like look, we got to finish this season. First of all, I do understand and Mike, I'm going to turn to you here I do understand that evaluations are usually tagged right to the end of the season, so you're not crazy for thinking about it. All right, I do understand that people have to make plans. I think Christie just gave some great advice of do your research, talk to people but, mike, we always talk about this to that the grass is always greener on the other side and that if you're not careful, you can start to commiserate a bit and find everything wrong with your organization. I do want to say look, there are absolutely different types of programs to leave one organization and go to another. There are appropriate times to leave A tier two program and go to a tier one program, especially on the East Coast, but you really got to come to it with it with the same mentality, and this type of year can make you insane. So, mike, again you're right in the thick of it. As a coach. Christie gave a great job of the parent point of you, especially in girls hockey. Mike, tell me the coaching point of you can. I'm sure you get so many gripes around this time of year.

Speaker 3: 6:34

Yeah, it's a, and we just didn't. We just hear that that the grass is not always green on the other side. It could be green on our side. You just have to. You just have to water it, nurture it and feed it, and you know, you know you don't need to go somewhere else when you have good grass right there in front of you. Just have to know how to. You know if, again, if you want to trample on it and rip it up and you know, get the dog out there all the time, then yeah, it's not going to be, it's not going to be, it's not going to be great shape. This is Monday morning and I just, I just, I just think, I just think I and again it's only from and let's clear, let's clear the air to these are all issues I truly believe aren't parental issues. These are because our organizations just can't get our act together and we're manipulating and we've ruined the end of seasons for kids when you start having tryouts and evaluations, and I deskates and pre ID, skate, skates and I'm not going to be able to get my act together in February and it's just, it's so hard. I mean, listen, I'll give a lot of parents that have fifteen and sixteen year olds the benefit of the doubt that they've been through the treadmill of of this hockey world and and they and they're jaded a little bit and they have to look. But my gosh, if you're a, if you're a parent of a six, seventh, you know eight year old, nine year old, I mean these are things you should, you know you should and I and I know you have to, yeah, but I think it's the coaches you know. So I did. Here's my recommendation from a coaching standpoint lay out what your, if you're going to have a team of, of your, if you're going to coach the same group of kids, say your parent, coach right, and you're coaching for our, for our intensive purposes here, squirt minor, which are first year squirts. Right, and you're going to coach the second year and you're going to have to start training for the second year. You haven't been running town yet. The organization want you to coach again. Then start laying the groundwork that you know you don't want to have tryouts. You don't need to have tryouts. You know what kids you have and I would and personally, I would be like I want all of you to return. Right, except you, you, not you, everyone else. I want to cater to my team. We don't need tryouts, and if you don't want to pay for us to raise funds, so you know what, go to the parents, be completely transparent and say this tryout needs to earn the organization eight hundred dollars. You have to pay a fee, but you're guaranteed to be on my team. I like you, you like me. Why go through the process of trying out for seventeen different programs? Save all your money, save your time. Just play for the coach you like At. You know again, this is six, seven, seven year olds, nine year old and what we call this craziness starts to happen. It only becomes crazy because you, dad and mom, create the craziness, because you don't need to move. You need to find a way. Showcases and ID camps don't mean anything before puberty, so just find a place that you like, get on the ice, develop your talents, be with kids you like, and again, it's easy to say and we'll have very few people listen, but it will happen, it'll just come about. If your son or daughter loves being on, that's the number one thing. Find the ability to move them on to the next role here that they love, they want to be there and I think you gotta remember the stress that we put these kids on there from coaches to say you must be at my tryout in April, but, coach, I'm an unbelievable cross player, I'm in the baseball Little League World Series. I don't care about that. You need to be at my tryouts, you have to participate and I can't tell you during tryout season how many kids that you literally see run into the building and like their cleats right.

Speaker 1: 10:36

And jump into their ice.

Speaker 3: 10:37

And then the coach says, hey, he really didn't look like he was, you know, really didn't look like he was into it today, like he was tired and go. Of course he's tired, he just played two hours on the cross. So I think it's just a matter of knowing. You know Christy said it earlier do your research, look at the landscape. The younger your kid is, the less you gotta look and the more you should be embracing where you're at and making where you're at better. And if you fall into the trap that you know everybody's at the secret skills camp that you're not at and you're gonna start running after that, it's a no one situation.

Speaker 1: 11:11

Do you even wanna play for that team, like that's the other thing too, and this is something that's apparent it's like if you're in that type of a stress environment and I wanna be clear to everybody listening, we are talking kind of 12 you and down at the moment, we will address kind of the 16, 18 you at the end of the episode, cause I actually do think that there's a recipe for that too. But if you're in those first half of the youth levels and a coach is already creating a stressful environment, you really gotta ask yourself if you want your kid to be in that environment Right now. I'll give my organization a little bit of credit right now, because they scheduled one of the evals for both of my kids teams is during spring break, all right, and my family's not gonna be around during spring break, and they went out of their way to say listen, we completely understand that some of you will be on vacation, it is. I mean, you have to make one of the evaluations, you know, and they put the other ones the week after. But we understand if you're not around this week and it will not be held against anybody. I just appreciated that they said that because, as you can imagine, when those dates came out, the first thing oh, I'm not available. What's that gonna do to my kid? Oh my God, and you know. So I appreciate that they put that forward. But at the same time yeah, mike, you said it too I can't stand that we have evals at the end of the season. But I also understand like, what are the organizations supposed to do? Because if you don't do it, you're gonna lose all your players. Now, at this point, that's not true?

Speaker 3: 12:32

That's not true. So let's go back in the wayback machine Again. They can queue it up. Put their episode out there. We've had before. You do not have? You have seen the kids for 20, lee, do you not know every single kid on your team?

Speaker 2: 12:44

I know, them all yeah.

Speaker 3: 12:46

Very distinctly and again, and even if you weren't a good coach, even if you weren't a professional coach, you're an evaluator, you know your kids, your organization knows your kids. 20, 25 weeks, 25 weeks was your evaluation.

Speaker 1: 13:03

Yeah, it's half of the year.

Speaker 3: 13:04

So if you're in an organization right now, and you can't, as a parent, say you've seen my kid for 25 weeks. You're telling me I can't go to Costa del Vista or whatever hell. I can't go away for a week and have to worry about my kid not playing on a team because you don't know.

Speaker 1: 13:21

Let me give a little context, because I do agree with you on this. What I'm saying is that other organizations play against other organizations by saying, well, if you don't get to REVAL, there's no way you're gonna make our team and I'm talking about when people are maybe thinking about switching teams, not to mention the contracts, which I think are ridiculous that if you try out for us, you have to play for us, which, again, I understand it from a tactical level. I don't agree with it in any way. I think that that's horrible to put that on a 10 year old that you said you're coming, not to mention, it's all BS anyway, because if the kid's good enough, they'll take him on any team.

Speaker 3: 13:53

No, one's gonna hold you to that contract. We've created this financial need. We've created a need to say you're gonna sign up for my kid or my program, you are obligated if you make the team. And then you gotta read the fine print Well, this doesn't mean if you made the A team, it means if we put you on any team in the organization, you need to say, well, I didn't sign up to play on a C team, yeah, but it doesn't matter, that's the team you sign up for, so you lose your deposit.

Speaker 1: 14:21

It's a race to the bottom for me, right? If you, Mike and this is the point you just made and Christie, I'd love to jump into your experience. If your organization is great, people will wanna be there. I feel like everyone's looking at each other. I would use this metaphor of like your skyscraper and you're looking at the other skyscraper to see who's gonna be the tallest or who's coming up to be next to you. But if you just look up and get bigger and taller than everybody else, everybody will wanna come to your organization, right? So I don't like the race to the bottom. You have to come here, you have to play for this team. I wanna say this again, though, because we have organizers that listen. I also understand why we do that because people can make brash decisions when there's a lot of pressure. If you don't secure them quote unquote you're gonna lose a lot of players. That's the reality of it. Should it be that way? I don't believe so, but I just think if you have a fantastic organization, people will wanna be there. They won't want to leave, and I think every organization has the ability to do that, and some of it's through creating standards. But, Christy, let me jump back to you real quick Because, again, you had kids played on a lot of different teams. Yeah, you found ones that you're like oh, we're staying here, no matter what.

Speaker 2: 15:29

Yeah, and we were always very involved with whatever team we were on. We were really a part of the team. So, if they needed volunteers, if they needed the parents were fantastic. So we were very fortunate to have a lot of dedicated parents who worked to make it a great experience all around For the coaches, we would go ahead and if, hey, parents, we need you to set this up for it, we would all step up and do it. And that's what made us want to stay is because that sense of community.

Speaker 1: 16:07

Love it.

Speaker 2: 16:08

And no one really. It didn't feel competitive off the stands On the ice. The kids were competitive, sometimes with each other of course and with other teams, but we didn't feel like we were competitive in the stands, which really makes a difference. There was one team that I had some issues with, but you learned to work around it and you deal with it. The other thing about evaluations my kids never really mind. Of course they got nervous the day before, but I always love the way it really kind of jacked them up. You know what I mean and I was impressed. Sometimes I would watch the bleachers just to see how they would do and it was really kind of impressive how they wanted to step up and really do their best and that actually helped Sophia later on, as she got into the more competitive stages of hockey. She had that switch that she could turn on when it was really important to be seen, especially by college coaches when they were evaluating her. So in early age evaluations it could actually be a good thing for the kids. I agree With a right perspective.

Speaker 3: 17:31

And I agree I mean, I think that's the argument I'll always get is oh, we just want to test the medal against the best. I want my kid to go out there. I don't care if they make it or not, which is not true, but I want to see really where they fit in. So my charge to some of these organizations and somebody in some governing body of hockey that runs youth hockey in the United States should implement some type of data source that says if you're a AAA elite organization and you're having open tryouts, tell me how many kids that come to that tryout articulate to your team. Honestly, tell me, if you have 15 kids on your 15U team and you have a tryout with 90 kids on the ice, how many of those kids make the team. And it's so small a number it's literally like statistically. When you see it over and over and over again, you're going to find that that number is maybe one kid and that kid probably knew that. They were probably going to make that program anyway because of all the back channel stuff that goes on.

Speaker 1: 18:38

Absolutely. Here's the other thing, too, mike, is that I think there's nothing wrong with being honest about that with the kids and making sure that they understand that you might not make this team. I think that's OK. Here's the other thing, too, guys, is that when I think about evaluations as a whole, I think about how my kid approaches the evaluation. This is going to be some, I guess, active advice for you guys. Listening at home, the messaging you give your children, is super important. So, number one if you're nervous Christy brought this up I always tell my kid that's OK, that's normal, because if you're nervous, it means you care, and I think that that's something that kids need to recognize. Sometimes kids don't recognize why they're nervous and it eventually turns into I'm nervous, I might not make the team, and then that just turns into fear. And I think it's important. Mike to your point and Christy to your point yeah, you might not make the team, and that's OK, because what matters. And parents, this is what I really think we should be telling our kids. And I'm not telling you not to tell them to be aggressive or not to work hard or not to try and make the team, but when I talk to my children and the kids that I coach it's. I just want you to leave knowing you did the best you possibly could at this tryout or this evaluation. That is important to me. It doesn't guarantee anything, just like life, but you're going to be doing these evaluations for 10, 15 years, maybe more, and they're going to get harder and harder and harder. And I want you to understand how to compartmentalize that nervousness, that fear, what you're feeling right now. It's OK to feel something, but I need you to know son, daughter, friend, whatever if you just do everything you can, you have to live with that. And parents remember you're going to be nervous too. It's just a natural response. But it feeds each other. If your kid's nervous in your universe, it's going to feed and grow into this really big ball of nervous energy. So it's kind of to me. This is my opinion. Yes, nobody has to agree with me on this, but I try and keep it as cool as I possibly can for them, because I don't want to put it on them that, hey, I'm nervous, you might not make the team out and, to be fair, at this point in my journey, I'm pretty calm at evals Because my belief is that wherever my son or daughter is placed, whether I agree with it or not. We have to make the best of that At this point of their journey. I want to reiterate my kid's going to be a second year squirt and a second year might. It is not 18 you, I mean. I understand it's a different situation. They're 16 you. But yeah, listen, I just want you to do the absolute best you can. We have to leave this eval. You need to be in the car and look at me and say I did everything I could to the best of my ability, whether you make mistakes or not.

Speaker 3: 21:18

Yeah, and I think. But and I think that's a real key point too is that when you are coming to these evaluations and you set your, you know if you're gonna put your kids through the evaluation gauntlet, it's fine. I mean, I actually don't mind that. You know, if you want to test the metal against metal, right, but Don't. Every time you don't make a team can't be because it was political and because, I didn't see you and that you know this is ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 21:42

They so poor talent based right. It's not just about talent. I think people forget that right. You could be the best player out there, but you know right, Didn't you see my son?

Speaker 3: 21:49

he scored four goals in an evaluation. Yeah, he did, but he was on the ice for seven again. So now you only saw the four goals for, but you didn't see the fact that he never came over the red line. So I think it's always like you know where you know, but you know. I think, as a parent, it's so important that you, just when you set those expectations, you set them to where, when you don't make it, you don't make it for whatever reason. It doesn't matter because it can't and there's absolutely could be political. I got a story for both you.

Speaker 1: 22:17

I got a story for both you. Christie, you love this too. I don't talk about this often, but just to prove that point, going all the way to the highest levels, mike, all right, I had a professional tryout and I scored five points in two games at this against other professional players. I remember thinking like I mean, this was the trial of my life, like I did everything I need to do, I took care of everybody, and I remember I sat down with the coaches and they said to me, keeping in mind, this is, this is 20 years ago yeah, well, you didn't get any fights and I was. I wasn't actively even avoiding fights. I was ready to fight if I needed to fight again different time of the game and and this league I was trying out for probably many of you can guess what it was at that time. But they said, yeah, you know, you didn't get any fights. We didn't see that right. And look, look, there was no kind of ill will. I mean, I was a professional about it, but I didn't get selected for that team because I didn't get in a fight. Wow, right, and it just goes to show you that that you know. Maybe it to be fair. Like again, this is all retrospective. Maybe I should have asked them before the tryout. Hey, what are you looking for Exactly? I just went in there like if I score a million points, they're gonna have to take me right and that's a professional team right now. Now, my logic dictates. Maybe that wasn't the best call for the coaching staff, right, I think I had a pretty good tryout, but it just goes. That's not what they were looking for and that's that's what they didn't need. Another person like that. Right, they could score point. They needed someone that could put some fists up again. Different time period of the game. I want to reiterate that parents do not tell your children to fight. This is a disclaimer. Never should you do that at a tryout. But but, mike, I just wanted to share that because it does.

Speaker 3: 23:48

It does support what you're saying, yeah, well, and it's really just the point of you don't and again, this comes back to the organization and the coach, maybe. But you know we don't list out like during the open tryouts that we're looking to fill these five different types of players like, right, like we don't do that, right so, and maybe we should, maybe we should say, hey, it's an open like in football, right, oh, we have an open tryout just for kickers. I don't care if you're the best quarterback in the world, doesn't matter, I just want a kicker. You know, and I think and that's sometimes you're like, I just need a defenseman and that's all I really need for this team, because I love this team and I want to keep this team. But at the same time, don't invite 120 kids if you know you're only gonna take two kids. You know that's an organizational and you know, and those organizations get right, you know it's funny when they get exposed. You know, year after year after year, and the same parents say, oh, my god, they always did this. I go, yeah, but you always go to the tryout.

Speaker 1: 24:41

So you know.

Speaker 3: 24:41

You know it's we, and we've talked about this million times, right, buyer beware, do your research. You know, don't. You know, don't complain after the fact, when you knew it was gonna happen. Right, and you know. And who are the happiest people, the only people that are happy after those trials, are the people that made the team and you know, no matter how good you are what you are a metaphor for life, though, right. Right, but you could. But you could avoid a lot of that preemptively. I Do. I not going to these evaluations when you know your kids not gonna make the team, like, if you're going doing it for some ego Peace, like really sit and talk to your son and daughter like, do you like the TV run, you know you're probably, you're probably gonna make this team and you're gonna be able to play no problem. Or is your kid going that I'm so much better in this group. I want to try against those guys. I know I could make it. Okay. Well, that's a you. You're the one that needs to want to do that. So if you want to do that, let's prepare by going over these points. Right, you know that if you don't make it, how do you react to that?

Speaker 1: 25:41

I'll prepare right.

Speaker 3: 25:42

That's the purpose of the episode is to be there and then me as a coach, says well, I already asked you to come to my team if you don't want to come play for me. Like this one and this, what happens all the time. It's so sad, right, but a player a wants to be. You know the coach wants them on their team. Player a's parent and kid decide Well, you're not really the team I want to be on, so I'm gonna go try out over here. They don't make that team. The coach doesn't want them back on this team and they go to another program. Whether it's a lower level, higher level, doesn't matter. Now You've just displayed and everyone's doing it. So now you have like seven or eight kids all doing this little dance around. I wanted to play up. I was told I couldn't Screw the coach. They don't know what they're doing. I'm leaving now because I got to save face, because I can't go back to the person who originally asked me to play for them. Right, and it's just like this vicious cycle of you know like I laugh in the spring. You know, when you see kids and it's looking for a roll of tape in their bag and they pull out Jersey A, jersey B, try out Jersey A, try out Jersey B, different color socks, and I'm like my God, like how many places have you been? And it's, and it's a really it's a red flag and when you and we're going to, we're going to get to this, I get right. Well, maybe we could do it now, but when you get to 15, 16, 17 year olds, those red flags are bright. They are. They are like this kid has been in seven organizations in seven years. Right, you know, I don't know if the kid's going to last till November with me. Tell them about the parents Right, right and then and then okay, and then you're, you are looking, there's no doubt about it. You're looking at the parents Zero doubt that you're. When you're doing evaluations, you're not going and going. I love this kid and I think he's okay, but there's like seven of those kids and six of the parents are much, much better and they're going to and they're going to let that kid play for me and I think that's a huge. That's a huge piece of this, Because in the top of the pyramid, all the kids are good, they're all good, they're all good, and now it's a matter of who's going to give me the biggest headache, Right. And most of the time you're going to go with the kid, that's not going to give you a headache at all. Yeah, and the parents? That happens all the time.

Speaker 2: 27:44

I've seen that. I've heard that from coaches.

Speaker 1: 27:46

Right.

Speaker 2: 27:47

You know, if a kid's on the bubble and you could go either way, well geez, this kid's got a better attitude, so we're going to go.

Speaker 1: 27:56

Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you? You know it's rare that the skill level is that much more in. Mike, we have a couple of minutes left. I'm going to go over some quick thoughts, slash tips that I think all parents should be bringing and kids to their tryouts. Right, and you can apply these across the board. Mike, you brought up kind of that above 15. Look, there's a lot of politics when you get above 15, whether you want them to be there or not. That's the truth. This is my belief. At that age it's as much, if not more, about your kids drive for the sport than what team they're on. I'm not saying that making a triple A tier one team is not a value. If you want to play in college, we're going to a really good prep school team. I can't deny that, that there are opportunities for those kids. But I can also tell you and from personal experience that if your kid is not out in the driveway or out at the gym and untold, unprompted, working on their game all the time at that point which is okay I got to mention that it's okay if they're not doing that, if they have other interests. You really need to pay attention to that because I have seen walk-ons go to the NHL. I have seen really talented players burn out. If the love and the passion are not there and there's plenty of distractions at 15, 16, 17 or 18, you individually, as families, you have to look at that and make decisions. And as a parent you can advise your kid and say, look, if you really want this, you'll practice, without me telling you anything. The message should not be you should practice this kid's practicing all the time. Don't do that to your kid. If they want it, they will do it and you can guide them, but you can't make them do it without massive resentment. So that is my tip again, above 15. It's as much you, if not more of you, than the team you're on and that kind of segues into this point that I want to make. Look, I'll be very real with all the parents out there, most of the time 80%, if not more, of the team is already picked. All right, we know that. It's just natural progression of development. You kind of know what kids are going to fall on what team. That's not crooked, it's not politics, that's just natural. You kind of know who's going to be where and that means that, yeah, there's some bubble positions on any team. People can impress, people can change things. I've seen it, it's happened to me, it's happened to my kids. All right, the point is you never really know where you're going to end up. So don't go into an evaluation assuming 100% you're going to be on the team, even if the coach told you your kid's going to be the captain next year, do not assume anything. Your kid still needs to go there and give 100% at that evaluation, especially if they're being promised something like that, which should never happen, by the way. The other thing is this, and this is kind of my big point on Action News tonight hey, christy, that was for you. All right, it has to be more about the development than the letters behind the team. We talk about this every episode. It seems. I want my kid. This is my goal as a hockey parent. Genuinely, I don't care right now what team they're on If it has a great coach and a great ability for them to develop as leaders, as players, as skaters, as goalies, as people. As long as that is there, I am a satisfied parent. At this point of my life, my kids are 10 and 7, keeping this in perspective, it is different when you're older. I want them to develop. So if they make the same team, if they make a higher team, even if make a lower team, and the chances there for them to develop as hockey players, that is what my goal is and I'm going to say it again, to not be hypocritical it's not guaranteed right. Some of this is on me as a parent to help them evolve, to help them go OK. We didn't make the team we're going to make. You don't like the coach, you don't like your teammates. Let's not run away first. That shouldn't be my first inclination. What can we do as a family to survive this, to work on it, to be great at it? Not every season is going to be wonderful. I don't know how else to say that You're going to have bad years, but the kid who understands how to navigate that, infinitely more prepared for life number one, will be a better kid to be coached. Coachability is a major thing for us when we pick teams. You'll be infinitely better to be coached, more coachable, and you're going to be able to deal with adversity. So get this when you get to a championship situation or a tryout situation. You have felt that feeling before or have a motivation of. I don't want to make a bad team. I want to show these people I can be great. It's all learning. On this 10 to 12 year journey. You get new hockey. So again I put myself on a pedal still there, I'm sorry. I will throw it back to you too. I just I had these notes on.

Speaker 2: 32:38

So there may be families who come into your organization from other organizations looking for that greener pastor, and be welcoming to them and help them navigate, because you know that's the thing too is. You know, we took in families who had bad experiences from other organizations and you, you talked to them. So what was it about that organization? Well, you know, like you know, we didn't really like the way they treat. I can sit on the bench all the time. My kid is six years old shouldn't be sitting on the bench the whole time. The coach only played the top players and it's good to find out why they left and then as a group say, well, how can we make it better for this family? Let's work together.

Speaker 1: 33:31

Once you're here, you're with us right. Welcome them.

Speaker 2: 33:37

And because that's really important too, don't ice them out. Oh, they're from that organization. What are they doing here? It takes a village?

Speaker 1: 33:45

right, it really does. You said that word community before it's on the parents and the families that that's part of it. You got to make the community. If you're standoffish like I, don't want to get to know anybody because we might not be here next year, what are you creating?

Speaker 2: 33:57

Right, yeah, so that's important too. So if you see families coming in from outside because they were unhappy, and I've seen some parents say, wow, you know, they're carpet baggers, they're going from one organization to another, well, they're with us now.

Speaker 1: 34:14

Yeah, they're our team. Now they're with you.

Speaker 2: 34:16

Make this work, yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:18

Mike, any final words?

Speaker 3: 34:19

No, I would agree with that. Like once the move is made and the person's there, then you got to build a program and get a build a team. I mean you can't go through all the years saying I can't believe this kid's here and this is ridiculous. You know I hate everybody here. So I mean it's just a matter of you know, once that greener pasture has been met in your mind, then embrace the group that you have and then try to make that group better.

Speaker 1: 34:42

And I think that's easier said than done.

Speaker 3: 34:43

There's no doubt about it. It's so hard because there's so many moving parts to all this stuff. You know, and I think you know you get, and then this time of year too, it's like imagine the emotions. I mean, it's like you know, I know you can't take the 24 hour rule sometimes at the end of the last two weeks of the season but sit back and say, is it really that bad, or was it just this last week? Like, was it just that last shift that you're leaving, or was it really really good? Like if you were having I said this to parents as a hockey director all the time like, oh well, this happened and that happened and this happened. But if all this happened back in September, why wouldn't you have told me about this? Like you waited until now to unleash, you know, unleash your frustration. I could have actually done something in September.

Speaker 1: 35:24

Like I can't do anything now.

Speaker 3: 35:26

So you know if you're, if you're pent up and everything was going great until the last two weeks of the season and there's like little nuances of the you know because again it happens all the time this time of year is not every single kid on the team sick, every kid sick. You know who's there, who's not there. Did we win a game because we only had eight players? Did this player not show up? Did this player have other events going on? Just sit back and say was it really six months of horrendousness or was it a week? Misreliance and then reset and then look and say, now you know it's not so bad.

Speaker 1: 35:58

And when, like to Chrissy's point, you're going to go into a rink and you're going to hear from other parents and you're like, oh man, my my says pretty good, Make sure you ask the kids too, because you might think it was a horrible year, but the kid these are his friends or her friends, I was always good to ask your children.

Speaker 3: 36:12

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, people can forget. That was a horrible season. You guys didn't win a game.

Speaker 1: 36:17

They don't know what they want. You guys didn't win a game, but I love, I love this team, I love playing with these guys, the best you'll get, the best you'll get.

Speaker 3: 36:23

We didn't, yeah, we did right.

Speaker 1: 36:26

We won once in a while. I thought we did. This has been a really good one. Everyone listening to this show we know our audience pretty well. All right, if you're listening to this show, this really is, I think, our parting advice. Look, you're doing great. You're doing a great job. As a hockey parent, I've said this before you're not crazy. The hockey world is crazy. Okay, there's a big difference there and I want you to know you're doing great. Remember the episode? It's one of our most popular episodes ever about the three things to say to your kids right, hey, I love watching you play. Make sure you say these things before evals. Right, I love watching you play. You are the most important thing in the world to me, no matter what happens. I don't care what team you make, I'm going to love you, no matter what afterwards. These are really important messages to give your kids. And then the third one, which goes all over the place, is do the best. You can Just leave the eval being able to look me in the eye and saying that was the best effort I could give. I think if you give those kids those messages, you're in a good place with them. I think that goes for all age levels. All right, if you're the parent that's going in. I don't even listen to this show. But if you put in a tremendous amount of stress on your kid, you got to make this team, you got to hit this kid you are really setting them up long term for failure. All right, I'm not saying there isn't an intensity, that has to be there. I am not saying you should not be competitive. You must be both of those things. But there's a way to do it. Get a way that's not going to emotionally hurt your kid, or yourself for that matter. So again, those are my closing remarks. Again, guys, anything else, before I go into our close, I want to make sure I don't get any Well said, well said. Thank you, my friend. Yeah, I'm okay. When Christie says that to me, I actually feel like I did something, so that's always good. All right, that's going to do it for this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure you listen to all the episodes we've ever done ourkidsplayhockeycom, or email us if you have any questions, concerns or if you disagree. Team at ourkidsplayhockeycom. We love sharing those emails on the show. So for Kristi Cashiano Burns and Mike Benelli, I'm Leo Elias. We will see you on the next edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Skate on everybody. We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value. Wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network or our website, ourkidsplayhockeycom. Also, make sure to check out our children's book when Hockey Stops at whenhockeystopscom. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode.