On this week's episode of "Our Kids Play Hockey" Lee Elias, Christie Casciano Burns, and Mike Bonelli welcome back Matt Tendler and Mitch Harris for a special "Our Kids Play Goalie." We focus on the goalies' perspective during try out season and the Goalie Doctors provide expert advice and insights to how to stay cool, calm, and collected in the crease.
What's Inside This Episode:
This episode is packed with actionable advice for goalies and their families as they navigate the pressures of tryout season. Whether you're a seasoned vet or new to the crease, join us for an enlightening discussion that could change the way you approach the game.
Tune in now to ensure your goalie is prepared, supported, and set up for success!
Remember, hockey is more than just a game; it's a journey. Let "Our Kids Play Hockey" guide you through every save, every goal, and every moment that makes this sport truly special.
Our Kids Play Hockey is powered by NHL Sense Arena!
NHL Sense Arena, is a virtual reality training game designed specifically to improve hockey sense and IQ for both players and goalies. Experience the next generation of off-ice training in VR with over 100+ drills and training plans curated from top coaches and players.
Use Code "HockeyNeverStops" at Hockey.SenseArena.com to score $50 off an annual plan!
On this week's episode of "Our Kids Play Hockey" Lee Elias, Christie Casciano Burns, and Mike Bonelli welcome back Matt Tendler and Mitch Harris for a special "Our Kids Play Goalie." We focus on the goalies' perspective during try out season and the Goalie Doctors provide expert advice and insights to how to stay cool, calm, and collected in the crease.
What's Inside This Episode:
This episode is packed with actionable advice for goalies and their families as they navigate the pressures of tryout season. Whether you're a seasoned vet or new to the crease, join us for an enlightening discussion that could change the way you approach the game.
Tune in now to ensure your goalie is prepared, supported, and set up for success!
Remember, hockey is more than just a game; it's a journey. Let "Our Kids Play Hockey" guide you through every save, every goal, and every moment that makes this sport truly special.
Our Kids Play Hockey is powered by NHL Sense Arena!
NHL Sense Arena, is a virtual reality training game designed specifically to improve hockey sense and IQ for both players and goalies. Experience the next generation of off-ice training in VR with over 100+ drills and training plans curated from top coaches and players.
Use Code "HockeyNeverStops" at Hockey.SenseArena.com to score $50 off an annual plan!
Hello hockey friends and families around the world and welcome back to another edition of our kids play goalie, powered by NHL sensory. You know it's the time of year. We talked about this in a previous episode. Evaluations are coming, tryouts are coming, mass panic ensues. We don't know what to do. The teams are coming. We have to pick the teams, my goodness gracious. What are we going to do? But you know what we didn't talk about, guys. We didn't talk about this from the gold tender point of view, and it was our mission when we started our kids play goalie to make sure that no gold tender is left behind. You can print that, put it on a t-shirt TM at whatever you need to do so. In order to do this correctly, we need to bring in some gold in the expert. So we brought back the goalie doctors, matt tenor and Mitch Harris, joining us again. Their second episode on our kids play goalie. We are happy to have both of you here to dive into the world of gold tending around this time here, which is important for everyone parents, coaches, players, skaters and goalies to know, not just the goalies themselves. Matt Mitch, welcome back to the show.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having us.
Speaker 1:No, it's our pleasure, guys and listen. I'm not even sure where to start on this episode. Other than, do gold tenders go through the same level of anxiety at this time of year? Is it different for them approaching evaluations? Obviously there's less of them than the skaters, but I'm sure you get the same questions of what team I'm going to land on. You know, do I have to be at tryouts every time? What is the process for gold tenders this time of year?
Speaker 4:Well, if I could, I'll start. I think it's important to kind of lay the foundation where we're talking. So I think for the start of this conversation let's talk about youth and we'll talk about midget and below right. So when I'm looking at goalies that are going to tryouts and Mitch, I'm sure your phone is blowing up as well there's a lot of anxiety, there's a lot of uneasiness, there's a lot of uncertainty, and I think it's important for us to kind of segregate out this group again. So when I'm thinking about the difficulties around tryouts, there is a group, but to say the top 10%, that they can go anywhere. They're that good that they're wanted. There's not that much stress about where they're going to be. They really get the pick and choose for them. Okay, let's just exclude them from this environment. And then you also have the, the bottom 10%, which is the new ones, the beginners, that really this is something so new that they will just be happy to play on any team. And we'll talk about the middle 80%, where we can throw a big blanket over everybody and say you know what? We, this major group of goalies or players, they're all very good, they're all very competitive, but are they going to be at that triple A, double A or single A or whatnot? In that environment. We get a lot of phone calls and say you know we're we enjoy our team right now, but we're we're thinking about going somewhere else. The grass is greener somewhere else. Well, I think it's important to really look at it holistically. Yes, we all want to play in the best team possible, but there's a lot of other factors that play into it. We need to make sure that the parents are taking into consideration. You know travel, you know whether or not you're at the A level, the double A level, with a triple A level. Each team has a different commitment that is required and if you're not willing and ready to sacrifice or put that time and effort in, I think the parents and the players should exclude some of those teams. If you are on that side where I want to make the highest level, you know Johnny, johnny tried really, really hard this year and he played really good. You know we want to make that next level, we want to find that next opportunity. That's when it gets a little bit more difficult and challenging, right when you're going up against the competition that you looked up to for the whole past season and say you know what? I want to be on that level. My, my first question to any parent or player is how did you do? This year and I think it's important for all of us to understand tryouts for the most part are two days, three days. There's very short time and we all have this want and wish that the world is fair, unfortunately, you know, if we want to say in a perfect world, if I could create a perfect tryout environment, you have all the kids on the ice at the same time, goal is included and you would have a outside, independent evaluator to be blind to the names, to the parents, and just pick on skill. That's not how it really works. I mean, if you want to be honest, that's it's. It's unfortunate that it doesn't work that way, but it also wouldn't be fair to really operate that way, because I'm a firm believer that whether you play very good in one game or, let's just say, two or three days, or you play really bad in two or three days, that doesn't dictate who you are or how much potential that you have over the next 12 months. So really, what I try and encourage everybody is to take every day as a tryout. Hockey is a very small community and goalies, and goalies, parents, players you would be silly not to think that the coaches and the evaluators don't talk to each other, because we do. We all know, for the most part, who a lot of the players are before even the tryout weekend comes up, and it always comes back to what have you been doing for the last 12 months? What trajectory is this kid on? What are the parents like? Unfortunately, that's part of the equation. So if mom and dad are, you know a little bit of a, you know a squeaky wheel, it does put them into a different bracket where they better be so good that the coach is okay with dealing with mom and dad's extra curricular activities. So you know for the most part, when the goalies ask me like where should I play, is like okay. I look back and the goalies that we work with and I think had they been putting in 100 percent effort, 100 attention for the last 12 months? And if they have, and if they are, then we're looking. Okay, what's that next level? Can we go from a to double a? Can we go from double a to triple a? And if they can and they have the ability, then it really comes down to. The difficult part is finding the opportunity. You know we need to make sure that as parents and as goalies, you treat this almost like a job, right and honestly, why we place youth sports, for it gives us an environment to learn how to become a well-rounded human being that can be successful. After we're done putting our pads on, just like if I wanted to go out and find a job, I would evaluate what options are out there. For the most part that's not that difficult. We have this fun internet machine that you can google anything. You can look at every single triple-a team within mom and dad, 20, 30, 40 mile radius, however you feel, however long you want to drive, and then you can understand the options that are there. And then, once you understand kind of the teams to travel and make sure it's reasonable to be able to get there, then you can start looking at who's on. Who was on a team last year and I I got to be really self-aware as a player, as a goalie, of what my capabilities really are. If I'm a double a player and I'm a goalie and I am middle of the road at the double a pack, double a written level, I have to be realistic that I might not be up at the upper echelon of the double a team. So how do I expect to be able to make that triple a team? Maybe another double a season would be good for them. Right again, you know, in the NHL, the HLE East Coast, the younger players that come up they get put at lower levels to gain experience, to gain knowledge, to grow and mature. So then hopefully one day they can climb the ladder and get up to those higher levels. And sometimes we try and force kids into higher levels earlier because they, mom and dad, want those extra letters next to the team. Or is it double edged sword, right? We're only as good as the people that we surround ourselves with. So if we're in an environment where I'm a double a or single a player and I am putting everything I have into this sport, into this position, and my teammates on that environment can become very contagious as well and it can hold you back and it can restrict you. On the flip side, little Johnny thinks that he wants to really try hard and really play this position or play this sport, and he makes that triple a level. But it's more than he expected. This is a lot more of a commitment. I have three practices a week. I have to go travel two games on the weekend becomes more of a job. And then you know, by October or November he's burnt out.
Speaker 2:So I think it's very important for everyone to really take a step back.
Speaker 4:This is sports, this is youth sports. Find the best environment that you think is going to help development, maturity. And also you need a fun spot that you're going to have fun. I mean, that's sometimes the most important piece of this sport that people forget that you need to find a spot where you can enjoy, be challenged, grow but make sure they have fun. So I think it's important to really look holistically what are the options triple, a double, a single I? Whenever you kind of find what funnel you want to be in, then you really have to do your due diligence on the coach. You know every coach I think is coaching is the most important piece to any team and you could be on a triple a program and not have a very good coach and you could have a terrible year. But it's okay. I'm playing against the best players in the area, not in my opinion. I don't agree with that. I much rather played a lower level. A double a or single a level with a coach is 100 passionate. That's going to do a great job. Running team practices, doing things like team building, teaching kids resiliency, independence, maturity. Those are the pieces that are sometimes the hardest thing is to find. So I think it's for parents. Phone calls, emails are very important around this timeframe reaching out to the organizations, reaching out to the hockey directors, reaching out, connecting with the coaches and then, as we get through the end of the season, tryouts. Districts are all over. For the most part, every ranked run pre-trial skates. So I think it's great for the kids that get out there in those pre-trial environments and then when you're on the ride home or you're at home on the dinner table, mom and dad and the goal you're the player better have a honest conversation about how they think they did in that environment and they better understand that there's only a few spots available on each team and for goalies. I'm not a great mathematician, but I think there's only two of them. So if there's a goalie on the team that it was the number one goalie last year and played the majority of the games, you better realize that there's only one spot there. Or I hate to say this, but again, as I prefaced earlier, tryouts aren't just those two or three days, it's what have you done for the last 12 months. So if the goalie pair that's there on any team did exceptional, did fine, the coach is happy. Sometimes coaches would this is not the greatest metaphor or similar go with the devil that they know, because the devil you know is always better than devil that you don't know sometimes. So be realistic, be honest, realize that as much as we want to say that this is 100% a clean slate and fair, it's not. You know, there's obviously people that are in situations and in scenarios that they're not going to move down or not going to get cut and you have to really try to do the best that you can to understand that environment. It's a little bit easier for forwards and D is obviously there's not as many. There's not there's much more spots for those players. Goalies are a little bit more of a niche environment where you really have to network. I think networking is big and mom and dad can do a little bit. At the younger ages is more important for mom and dad to kind of be the shepherd to steer the ship. But as they become older you know, 13, 14, 15, anything after 15 mom and dad should be nothing more than the show for and the big and the piggy bank, because if they really are serious about trying to climb the ladder, no coach wants to talk to mom and dad. Outside of high level. The coach wants to talk about and talk with the player because really, you know, I was a head coach, I'm a coach, mature, your coach. We all know the investment is for the next 12 months. So it may be a trial for two or three days, but we're investing in the player and the family for the next 12 months and it needs to be a good investment on both sides. I know that was kind of all over the place in a little high level, so I'll kind of open up the Mitch and see if you have any extra comments on that one yeah, a couple of things.
Speaker 3:Definitely to think about our what goalie coaches available at that team. There are some double-a programs that have don't have as good of goalie coaching as tier two programs. So it's really important to know and doesn't have to be. Obviously we'd love to have all you guys at goalie doctors teams, but we can't. We can't have all the boys there. But it's really important to understand what goalie training do they get? Do they get a clinic? Does a coach come out for the first 10 minutes of practice and then go to another team or stand by the wayside? So knowing what you're going to get in goalie training at your team is critical. Aside from that, I mean what Matt said is really accurate. We really need to make sure you know that you're talking to coaches and really read that they're telling you the truth, that, oh well, there's. There's a spot when you know that they had two great goalies and you know they're coming back. Another big thing that we're starting to see, especially the midget level, the triple-a level, is you're starting to see teams carry three goalies. So it's really important, if you're at that level, to ask are you carrying three goalies? Because, frankly, it's a challenge and if you are perceived, especially if you're the new guys. The three chances are that you're probably not going to get a lot of playing time. And also then, when it comes to nationals, they only have a certain amount of roster spots. You could find out in end of December. You've paid your full dues for the year. Sorry, sorry, johnny, but we don't have a roster spot for you for nationals, so your season's over. Basically, you're a practice player for the rest of the year. So there's a lot there. Matt covered a lot of it, but for me it's also you know, find out who the goalie coach is. If you're going into a team and they say, well, we don't have one yet or we don't know, we're still working on it, I would be a little nervous about going ahead in that program. And if I could, just one extra comment.
Speaker 4:I think it's important for all of us to realize that. You know, we're always striving for perfection and I deal with a lot of parents that are very, very successful outside of the rink in their, their career, and they are perfectionists and that's why they are so successful in the hockey world. I don't know too many people that have a perfect environment. Right, you get those top 10% and they're. They're really good, they're going to be in their mind, they're in the perfect environment because they're always going to be the, you know, the upper rush line. I think it's important to try and find the most ideal for the individual and everyone's situation is a little bit different, right? Let's just take example for the three goalie. You know, if I, if I'm on, I'm teeter wrong the double A to triple A and I get an offer as a third goalie spot on a triple A midget program, I really need to look internally and say, is this the best situation for me and what do I really want in hockey? Because whatever team that we're on this year is nothing more than a lily pad or a stepping stone onto what's going to come next. And you have to make sure you're not just looking at the next 12 months You're looking at. Goals are so important for goalies, players, parents, everyone Set goals short term, mid term, long term and you have to see where each step that you take gets you closer to those goals. And for a third goalie on a midget program, for some they're not mentally strong enough to be able to do that. I deal with college teams. Mitch deals with college teams and they carry four goalies and every single one of those goalies think that they're good and they are good, but there's only one net and for the most part, one or two goalies of the three or four get the majority of the minutes and three or four are there for development and growth, but they don't get as many games. They don't get as much, I would say, feedback and opportunities to grow from the coaches. So they need to be much more independent in terms of their workload, work, their effort and also their development. One of the biggest years that I think I had of growth was when I didn't play as much Because I was hungry. I had a taste of what number one was like. I had a taste of being the guy, and then I got myself into an environment and I wasn't that guy and it was hard, it was not fun, but instead of looking externally and saying, oh, I blame the coach, I blame this, I made a poor decision, I said I'm on this train, there's no going back. How do I make this environment and this situation the best that it can be? I put my nose down. I was upset every weekend that I didn't get to play, but I used that as motivation, as fuel to continue to get me into the gym, back on the ice, show up to practices early, be the best teammate that I can be. So whenever I did get my chances and I did earn my minutes, not only was I better prepared and I realized that I invested and I got my return on my investment, but my teammates respected me more. I didn't complain, I didn't moan, I didn't point fingers, I put my head down, I got better, I earned my minutes and then, whenever I was playing, they were like man, this guy went through the rigor. This has not come easy for him. Let's go get him a couple wins, let's go block a couple extra shots. And I think it really comes down to the individual, but ultimately, trying to find the most ideal is definitely a lot easier than trying to find that perfect environment.
Speaker 2:That is such great advice and parents can play such a big role in that positivity. It'd be very easy to feed into those negative feelings and to blame everybody for your kid not being in the net. But to use that as an opportunity to grow and to become a better player and really pay attention to what's going on out there in the ice it you can turn that into a great opportunity, like you did. That is such great advice. I'm curious during tryouts itself, you know your nerves are your bundle of nerves in the net. Let's say you're in a tryout, you're not doing well. You feel like you're really messing up. Are there any kinds of tricks for goalies to hit the reset button to try and save that tryout?
Speaker 4:You're safe. I love that? Yeah, absolutely, and I won't be as long. I'll give Mitch a little bit of time here. But I just want to say, you know, a couple deep breaths In, hold out, hold and say, go out and have some fun. That was always kind of my reset right For me. Everyone has a different mental exercise, but for me it was a couple deep breaths realizing that, you know, I just need to be grateful to be here. And if I was grateful for the opportunity that I had, grateful for the chance that I had to play goalie, grateful that my parents allowed me to do this, it really alleviated a lot of that anxiety Because I was just happy to be there, happy to be in that environment, happy to compete. I mean, really that's all we can do as players and goalies. I mean, that's the thing that I miss the most about playing is, honestly, when you're in the net and when you're on the ice, you are in control. You, the goalie, you can make that extra save or you can let that squeaker in, and it's really up to you. I think every puck is stoppable. I can argue on that. There is a difference between could have stopped or should have stopped, but every puck in my mind is a stoppable puck. So when I'm in that environment, a couple deep breaths refresh my memory that I'm here because I love the game, I love the position, I love the competitiveness and I just want to go out and compete. And you know what? The one thing that my dad told me when I was a young kid that really stuck with me was the hockey gods. I've already written down what happened in this game, in this practice. So just go out and play. Don't worry about what's going to happen. Worry about what you can do right now. Mitch said this to me the other day. He is where his feet are. Be where your feet are. Don't be up in the stands thinking about what the coach is thinking about. Don't be on the bench what the coach is thinking about. Be in the crease. Be in your skates. Be where your feet are and worry about what is right in front of you right now. Be a firefighter. Don't be worrying about planning what's going to happen after I get off the ice. See a fire, solve it. See a problem, solve it. And just trying to refresh your mind that I am here. I can't fix what happened, but I can make a difference on what's going to happen.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's a great point.
Speaker 2:I think we need a t-shirt. Be where your feet are, I love that Actually from a Justin Goldman book.
Speaker 3:I do believe in Jake Oddinger that said it, I don't recall, but it was in his book the week from one. But yeah, I mean, the key thing for me is control the controllable. I mean that's all we can do, our attitude and our effort. Goals are going to happen. It's just a part of the game. There's not one goalie in the hockey hall of fame with zero goals against and 1,000 safe percentage. So goals are going to happen. It's how do you react to it? I've seen in tryouts where goalies will slam their stick. They'll look up in the sky. They'll look up at mom and dad. There's an X right there. So it's a matter of just like you wouldn't a game. Goals happen Just whatever you do in a game, whether it be getting your water, whether you skate to the corner, whether you, whatever you do, emulate. Look at the NHL goal. Is it what they do when they give up goals? You know that to me is key.
Speaker 1:One thing I want to bring up. You're both talking about present moment awareness, which I think is a massive skill set that we need to be teaching our youth hockey players at all positions more and more. But something you're making me think about, just from an evaluation tryout point of view for the parents out there look, it's normal for your kids to have some nervousness or anxiety before an evaluation. I mean, that's completely normal and I think normalizing that that is what happens is something that's important to do Now. With that said and you both touched on this right it's enjoyable to compete. I think the older you get in sports, the more you realize how much a gift that competition is right and the nerves turn into something a little bit different. I think you still feel the nervousness and the anxiety, but you're starting to be grateful for it Because, as I always say to my students, if you're nervous it's because you care. You're nervous because you care about the outcome of the situation. Now to Mr Point what can you control in this outcome? And I'll tell you right now, as a coach at an eval and this is true for all players, but especially goaltenders If I see a goalie out there and he's having a blast or she's having a blast whether the puck goes in or not, and they're working hard, obviously, and there's some talent there. I want that kid on my team right because they're loving it and, again, this is true for D forwards, anything in between and the thing is that player is probably nervous, but they're transforming that energy into something a little bit different. I had a great conversation with my own son. We were facing a team that is highly unlikely we were going to win this game I'll put it that way and we talked about the mental approach of you know what the outcome of this game will most likely be. So what are we going to do? What are we going to do about it If they come in with 100 shots? What are you going to do and I think that a lot of that mental training goes into the evaluation as well what are you going to do in the net and an E-valve you get scored on? Yes, all eyes are on you, whether they are or aren't. That's a perception. So what are you going to do and I'm going to say it one more time when I see a goaltender having fun in that high pressure environment and fun can be I'm having a fun time smiling in net or a nice goal. Great job, let's go next shot. It's a huge impact. Again, this is probably advice for all players, not just goaltenders. But I'll throw it back to the group here, because I think what we look for at E-Vals in addition to talent, we have to look for that that's why we have E-Vals is the attitude.
Speaker 4:Absolutely Body language is so important. We communicate when we're in the net with our body language. I mean, if I get scored on, I slam my stick and my shoulders are slumping. You said this. All eyes on you, or that's how we perceive it. There's a lot of kids on the ice at tryouts. Not every goal is seen. Not every mistake is seen or watched by the coach. Not every big save is seen or watched. It's true. I mean you're out there and the coaches are having a laundry list of players of 40, 50, 60, maybe even at some junior skates, 100 plus, with 30 plus goalies. You only have a few seconds for a coach to watch you and either cross your name off the list or keep you on the list. So body language is so very important. And remember, even if you make a mistake, it doesn't mean that someone saw it so quickly refresh, get over it and then get back to work, because maybe they missed that mistake and then you follow up a goal with a huge save. They see that big save. So it's again important to remember control the things. You can be where you're at, make sure you're having fun. If you're having fun normally, normally the results trend in that direction. Where you're having fun, you're doing better, and then your body language is contagious. If you're having fun, enjoying yourself out there, your teammates are going to enjoy it as well. And then, like you said, the coach is thinking I want this kid on my team. I don't need to worry about the difficulties or the challenges of this goaltender, and we're not perfect as coaches. In my last tryout season we were at a lot of teams and a lot of organizations, and the one that sticks out my mind is a high level AAA program and there were a couple of goalies that were picked this year and they were probably the best ones talent-wise. But in that two or three-day environment you don't get to know who that person is. You don't get to know who that goalie is and whether it was luck or just they just played really well that couple of games. Their deficiencies didn't show in those two or three-day span and the coaches picked those goalies and then over the next 12 months, the cracks started to show. The mental immaturity of some of the goalies came to light and now they're looking elsewhere. The coaches are looking elsewhere. So don't be discouraged if you don't make the team that you want this year. Again, it's one year, it's 12 months. And don't get complacent if you make the team that you do or that you want to Stay hungry. It comes down to the individual.
Speaker 1:I was just reading this great article this morning. Funny enough, matt, that was talking about the three types of inspiration, and one was having a dream. It's got to start somewhere. And two was having someone that supports your dream, that you two emulate that every single day of your work. And they said three, the hardest part was when you kind of make it. Then what Is it? You just wanted to make the team. This is important for tryouts across the board. Did you just want to make that team with the letters or the name, or did you want to excel on that team? Because when you accomplish the goal, that's really where the work begins. And I think that that's an important part of this is that for parents, for players, making the team whatever team we're talking about is kind of step one. We put so much emphasis on how many A's or after a team and I'm not saying it's not important for people Like don't get me wrong, but we put so much emphasis on that and not this question, which is something we talk about a lot. And again, this is probably this is true for all levels, but the younger you get, the more true it's. Where will you develop the most? We just had Andrew Alberts on the show, former NHL player, and he talked about Matt, like you just did, that some of my biggest seasons were when I didn't make the team, because it fueled me and it motivated me. That's something you can't really teach a kid. You have that or you don't. Parents, we can help cultivate that, we can't create it. But some of the biggest developmental years were when I didn't make the team that I wanted to make. But at the end of the day, the highest performers I know they don't need someone to push them. When you get to the high level AAA programs, your hope is that those goal tenders are so self-motivated, and the players too, that they want to learn. Here's one for everybody at tryouts and this isn't deceitful in any way I'm a coach. I naturally want to teach. So at a tryout, if I'm running the tryout, I'm still coaching. If I see a kid do something correctly, incorrectly, I'm going to offer my advice. Now, how that player responds to me at a tryout is going to affect if I have to make a decision. I want the kid who's like yeah, thank you. Thank you for showing me that I didn't know that. I've had kids say to me I know, I know I know Every parent's just nodding their head right now at home. I know I know mom, learning how to learn is a massive skill set. And I'll tell you right now. Here's a scenario people don't think about and we'll use goal tenders as an example. Let's just say the top team goalies really are already picked. We know who they are. They've got seniority. The coach wants these two goal tenders. Well, what happens when that younger goal tender at the eval is learning from the coach or learning from the person doing the eval, and they go to the top level coach say next year that kid's going to be ready for you. You even might want him to come out to your practices this year because he wants to learn or she wants to learn. You can see how much this goes into it. So it is a 12-month process, but it really is a 10-year process when you think about team to team to team. So again, I'm going all over the place here. I did want to say, when we approach an evaluation, let's just talk for a minute about the after effects, because I think from the goal tending position and again, it's always true for all positions, but goal tending specifically, mitch, you brought it up, that goal tending coaching throughout the year. Again, people listening know I have a young goal tender in the house and where I'm at right now he's going to be a second year squirt and there's actually a goal tending shortage at the organization as of today. We all know that can change in a heartbeat depending on what people do. But one of the things I want to bring up and, matt, I want to pay you a compliment is that he expressed interest to me organically, which I'm very proud of. Hey, I think I want to play at a higher level next season. I want to earn that spot. That was the way he approached it to me and me being me, I have all these thoughts in my head. I said you know what you should talk to coach Matt. He's a goal tending coach. I am only a bronze level coach because I took that course. I'm kind of joking, but I was proud because he went up to you and he asked and actually you told him exactly what we kind of alluded to him, which was let's work on your game, let's get stronger. Nothing was you have to make the AA team next year if you really want to succeed. No, letters were not brought up. It was here's the route of development for you at your age and your skill level. It was not about what team you make, it's about what you do with the time that you have. So, again, we put so much onus on the three days and I think that you're making a great point that it's not three days, it's 12 months and it's a year-long commitment. And those three days, yes, they do affect your trajectory, but the work is not done in those three days.
Speaker 3:I think it's a good point. I mean, especially, think about those three days, especially if you're a new guy coming in. Take the ice away, and I think it's something I think we should talk about is what's your behavior off the ice? As soon as you walk into the rink, as soon as you're in that parking lot, eyes are on you. So if they see you talking to your parent rudely, something like that, you walk in. You don't throw your trash away. You leave the locker room and you leave it a mess. You leave your area a mess During drills. You're not doing 100% the skating drills, you're not helping pick up pucks, you're not doing a little extra things as the new guy. That's not a good thing. You need to be a great human being, because that's the coach. As Matt said, it's a 12-month process. You're in this for 12 months. Those three days, if you're the new guy, you need to be the best new guy you can be, to show that you're a better, maybe a better person. You may be an equal goaltender, but you better be a better person than the two boys coming in.
Speaker 1:Totally agree. I do want to say to the audience listening, mike Benelli is here. This is one of those episodes where Mike is listening quite a bit and, mike, I do want to throw it to you because you always have some wisdom or some good questions that drop in on this and I didn't do a full intro at the beginning of the show. So, mike Benelli, ladies and gentlemen, here on our Kids Play Goalie.
Speaker 5:No, no, I mean, listen, it's what we talk about every day, right? I think it's just reinforced that you have to come in prepared, you have to come in with the feel I mean, I just look at goaltending that you have such a. I think it's a great opportunity for goaltenders, because I think goaltenders don't need to play on the best team and depending on where you're at in your region and where you're at in your development listen, you paint a lot of money to be a goaltender. You might as well get the most rubber right, you might as well get the most shots, and if you get the best coaching, that's where we see these kids leapfrog. I mean, the reality is goalies make teams in youth hockey based off a lot of politics. They made it, they were the only goalie when they came to squirts, and then they go well, we can't cut the kid. Now he's our only squirt, he's our only squirt goalie. And then now he's just now he's the squirt, a goalie, and now he's the Peewee goalie. But where that changes is at 13, 14, 15 years old. There's no longer the. We just got to keep the kid around to be loyal to him because he's from our town. So I think that's so. It's a longer game. I think for goaltenders that wherever you get in, you find good goaltending coaching. You find a good parent coach or a coach that is realistic in the expectations of not just blaming you for every goal and blaming you for every loss, and understanding that you're going to be in practices, that you get to see like real hockey shots and really get to develop as a goaltender, and that your coaching staff and both got I think we've talked about this even on other episodes right that the parent coach or the professional coach, whatever it is that you talk is coordinating with the goalie coaches, is understanding that it is a specialized position, is understanding that these players need you know a different look. And if I'm a head coach, I'm selling all that Like I don't care if I'm AAA or AA or AA, I'm like, listen, I'm going to get your kids in off ice. We have a. We have not only do we have a good goalie coach, which is great, but I coordinate and communicate all the time with the goalie coach, like I don't just say like. I mean I can't tell you I've been a part of hundreds of organizations that I've come and worked with that the goalie coach is there, but they're not there. They have no idea what the goalie did last weekend. They had no idea where the kid is in the pecking order. They just show up, they check the box. Did I talk to the kid? Did I tell them to watch his angles? Did I tell them to get better body language? And they move on. They say, hey, we have a goalie coach, but do you really have a goalie coach? So I want the, I want the organization that tells me we have a goalie coach, that communicates with me, with you, with your parents, the other coaches in the organization, and we have a plan for you over the next two, three, four, five years, no matter where we put you. If you're coming to me or you're coming to our organization, you're already trusting that the organization is good. Right, because when our organization is not good anymore, after you get cut, that organization sucks. Well, you came and tried out for us, so you're the one that wanted to be here. So all of a sudden, we became bad because we evaluated you not the way you wanted to. So I'm just saying, like, if your coach is out there listening to this, be proactive in that. Sell the fact that you are a communicator, that you don't know that much about the day-to-day operations of a goal tender and you're counting on this person, but you're always going to be communicating with that person all the time. And I will say one thing I don't think so much at the once the kids I think at like 11, 12, 13, 14 years old. It's not as important sometimes, depending on what region you're in, again to be a part of the team building process because, frankly, teams aren't loyal to you either. So just find the best place you could be, find the best place mentally. You can mature and get all the opportunity you can. And I think for both these guys right, and you guys could comment on this I think it would be best is look at the facility and tell me everything I need be right here. Or do I need to go travel out 45 minutes twice a week to go get the extra instruction and go get different educational pieces of my game? Like, can I go to a one-stop shop which is gonna give me back a lot of pieces of my life, and get good goal tending within the building I'm already in, but other than that I mean all the other things you know not to look like a professional when you're eight. But you come in, you know, don't look like Goldberg out there, you know. You know, put your pads on the, you put your pads on the wrong legs and you know your mom's helping you get dressed. You know, when you're 12, like, just know, know all these different things and set the tone of you coming in saying, listen, not only am I mature, I love playing goal tender, I know how to get dressed, I know how to be a good teammate, I know how to look the coach in the eye, like these are all things we tell all of our players, right, and I think, and frankly, as a parent and as a coach, you're like man, this is great. This kid's like you know, he's mature for his age, he understands the game, he's gonna be a really positive influence in my locker room and wow, he's just a happy kid, like, he's just a happy person. And then that goes a long way when you're, when you're trying to find especially when you know you had to have two goal tenders and try to manage those two personalities. I always want to find a team as opposed to two individual kids that sit on either side of the bench and never talk to each other.
Speaker 3:Mike, you've heard a really good point that I didn't even think about talking about how do coaches react to goalies. For parents who are thinking about changing teams, chancellor, if you're in the area, team A plays team B and team B plays team C Next time you watch that game, watch how that coach reacts to the goalie when they give up a goal. Do they yell at the goalie? They say, oh, what are you doing back there? Wake up, what are you doing? It's a bad goal, good goal, whatever. Do they blame the goalie, do they yell at their goalie? Do they even interact with their goalies? So I think that's a really good point. Obviously, you're not gonna see the practice side of things, which could be a completely different animal, but at least in a game are they yelling at their goalie that, what are you doing back there? Gotta make that safe.
Speaker 5:Well, but again, if you have the time, listen, we're not asking for people to travel seven hours, right, like your guys' point organization A and B might be 30 minutes away from each other.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 5:You wanna go sneak in and watch a practice and see that your goal, the goalie on that team didn't get one shot on net that looked like a hockey shot and get the hell out of there like run away. Well, that team's the best team in the league. Yeah, because they're playing teams that they're not supposed to be playing and they don't need a goaltender. They can just might as well put a cone in the net, like so if there's no development, but the team is good, who cares Like? I told the story a long time ago. I watched A when eight U hockey came to be and the whole fight about you know, big nets and small nets. I watched his coach put a goalie and laid him down on the goal line horizontally. The kid had a shutout, the kids couldn't lift the puck and the dad was the most ecstatic person in the world if they won that game. I'm like you know what we all lost in this game. Every one of us lost Then. But the kid won the game and it was a lot of and it was like you know. Even you know the kid in the game. The kids are jumping on him like well, he's already laid on the ice, you might as well have at it. I mean, it never had a move, like never had to do anything. And you know, in some parents like look at the mind on this guy, how strategic he was, knowing kids couldn't lift the puck, and I'm like, yeah, that's great. But this kid just I mean I don't know. I mean maybe, maybe. Butterfly for 45 minutes Mike Mike in a butterfly just laid there on this.
Speaker 1:Just laid there.
Speaker 5:You know it looked like Clint Malartrack out there.
Speaker 1:But I think it's just like.
Speaker 5:To me it's just finding the overall piece, but that is a brilliant piece of like. If you don't have to fly to Omaha and you live in Philadelphia, then go drive down the street, watch practice, watch the coach's interaction. I say that to recruits all the time, like, if you want to go to a team, go. You know. I don't think I ever and I know I didn't, I don't think I ever fully recruited a college player that played for me that I didn't see them in practice. I just don't. I mean, games are easy. You know games is where you know you get yeah, as you can see at the end of a game if a kid breaks a stick over the glass or something. But in practice is really where you see interaction and where personalities come out. And can I coach this kid? You know, can this kid play with kids that are better than him, worse than him? Can a goaltender? Is a goaltender gonna compete in practice? Or are they a gamer? You know what I mean. I think this is like all the kind of stuff you need to see as a parent going into. You know, it's not only, it's not always about what does the coach think of me? Take some power in this goaltending parents. You know what do I see in you. You know what are you gonna do for my kid? I'm the consumer and I don't know. Take advantage of that, because you're all talking about there's less and less goaltenders. Well then, take advantage of the fact that's Mike.
Speaker 1:I wanna bring this up too, because I had this on my list of things to prep and I actually have to preface this point that Matt and Mitch have been on the show well before I actually interacted with them in the real world, I'll say. But one of the most wonderful things that happened last season was that my kid's organization brought them in for goaltending instruction. I don't have a problem telling everybody about this. It's not why you're on the show today. It is nothing to do with this show at all. Oh, come on. But, mike, to your no, to your point. When I look at the organization my kids are in, especially my goaltender, that is a huge, awesome flag, not a red flag, a good flag, a star of why we keep returning. And again, there's other organizations in the area. I'm not looking at them, but, man, there's a lot of comfort in knowing, wow, this organization brought in goaltending specialists for every age. Right, that, take the time to come and help all the goaltenders, not just my son, right? So I'm just Mike, to your point. That's more important to me than whatever team he or my daughter makes this year, right it's. Oh, they're gonna get instruction, right, they're gonna get proper instruction and I go Matt Mitch, I hope I'm not putting on the spot with that at all. I just I love that that's something that the organization my kids are in did to stand out. And again, as the father of a goaltender, that's more important to me than the team that he is selected for.
Speaker 4:Yep for us. We have normal day jobs, we have boring sit behind a desk job.
Speaker 1:No, you don't. You do this full time. That's what we tell them. I would love to.
Speaker 4:But you know 100% honesty. We do this because we love it Right and we do it because it is our fun job. And the really most important thing that I always ask myself every day is do I wanna keep doing this? And every single day I wake up and I'm grateful to have this opportunity to go to rinks, be in the freezing cold and freeze my toes off, because I get to interact with so many good people and I'm a huge believer that mentors have created me into the person that I am today and I was fortunate enough to have really good examples and coaches and mentors growing up and I'm just grateful to have the chance to be able to do that for that next generation. And I think you know, with that attitude, not to disparage any other goalie, coach or anybody else, but sometimes you know head coaches even I can have a bad day. We get on the ice and you know we have misplaced anger from something else that happened and we bring it into the hockey rink and that can create a very, I would say, dangerous environment for the growth and development of the kids. So for us, because this is something that we love to do and I love to do and I really enjoy going to the rink and spending five hours on the ice. I can't believe I say that, but I do Is because I get to see the growth and the development of the players, like I've been doing this in this area since 2006, 2007. And I have kids that have started out just like your son, logan at nine years old have grown up, they have their wife, kids, married, job and we still talk and we still connect and some of them played at a very, very high level and it was a lot of fun to be along that ride with them to play at college or maybe some pro. And there's a lot more that didn't get the chance to play college or pro. But they still look back and they're grateful that they had that chance. They still look back and they reflect on a lot of the lessons that they learned dealing with adversity. And I'm just grateful to have just a small little piece of that because, yes, we're there when we're there, but it's once a week, maybe once every other week, that we get to see some of the goalies. So we have a very small piece. It's the coaches, it's the teammates, it's the parents that really help that growth. But we try our best to make the most impactful influence on them, in terms of not just the skill development but also the mental side and the enjoyment side. So, Lee, I appreciate that it's a lot of fun being on the ice with those guys.
Speaker 1:Man, I'll tell you this, dude, and you can call this the Christie effect Anytime you're in the rink, you are smiling, you can tell that you want to be there, right, I mean I mean that. And again, mitch, I've just spent more time around Matt this season here, but I mean there's a present, you look excited to be there, you look like you want to be there, right. And the point I'm bringing that up for is, first off, it's great. But the effect that has on the kids, right, it's not just my son. When you're there, all of the goaltenders are like all right, you know it's like they want to be there, right, it's a huge thing. And again, look, that's not limited to a goalie coach, that should be every coach. All right, they will feed off you. And again, huge point, you bring up the best advice I ever got, I think, growing up is you don't bring the outside world onto the ice. That is your sanctuary, that is your peace. It is not easy to do, that is much easier said than done, but when you step on the ice, really the world should be OK, right. Again, it's not every time, it's something you got to work on, but that is a sanctuary, right. And again, as adults we forget the things. No-transcript. As an adult they seem like silly problems, but I've always said this a 10-year-old has a right to their 10-year-old problems. A 15-year-old has a right to their 15-year-old problems. The worst thing you can do as a coach is well, let me tell you about how hard real life is. The kids don't care. They don't care. So we talk about where they're at. We had Justin Goldman on the show. He said you know, you got to meet these kids where they're at. So I think it's just so important from a coaching standpoint, even at the tryouts, understanding that you know in parents this is something I have to say it might be everything in the world to your kid to make a team right. That is logical thinking for a 10, 15-year-old and up. But as the parent you have to know their life does not hinge on what team they're about to make. All right. And again, you don't necessarily have to say that, but you need to emulate that through things like I love you, no matter what happens. I love watching you play. You're going to have great development this season, no matter what team you make right. Those are the messages in my opinion kids need to hear. That's kind of where I want to bring this now because we're running out of time here is the parents right? And again, it's funny, you know, matt. You said in the beginning you know the top 10% can go wherever they want. Well, the 50% think their kids are in the top 10%. That's something Mike always says, right? So messaging from parents to the kids, specifically goaltenders Mitch, obviously you too on this right what should we be saying? My son's about to go on the ice and I know what I think I want to say, but what should we be telling these goaltenders before they take the ice in an E-Val or a tryout?
Speaker 3:So for me. I mean, I'm a goalie dad too, so I bring that perspective to it. My son's now playing 18U, but when my son was young and worked with Matt back when he was a mate, I would say to him before he gets on the ice have fun, play happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And we actually wrote it on a stick and to this day I think he still does, but maybe not he doesn't.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure he's got to get back on it If we can't let that streak stop now, no, that actually came.
Speaker 3:Cam Ward has that on his stick. I forget what it was, but it was something along those lines. But that's all we need to say have fun, play happy and do your best. So it is Win and loss doesn't define you. You making a team, not making a team, doesn't define you. We still love you. You still have a place to live in our house. We're still going to feed you. Nothing's going to change. Just go out and have fun and play happy. It's a game. Hockey's a game and games are meant to be fun, and that's the bottom line at the end of the day, especially at 8 U-10 U. It just have fun and even at the higher levels, it's still a game. You're still. Believe me, it's a lot better than me and my desk right now at my day job. I can tell you that. 100,000%. Except for when you get to do this right, exactly yes. Without a doubt, the one thing I tell kids when they're on the ice with me is if I see that they're not smiling or whatever, I say, you know what? As you said, this is your sanctuary. You're not at home, you're not making your bed, you're not fighting with your brother or sister, you don't have to go feed the dog, you don't have to mow the lawn. All you have right now is the ice and now and we've got great shooters out here Go out and stop some pucks.
Speaker 4:Just have some pucks.
Speaker 3:Stop thinking and just play. Just go out and play. But that's the message of parents no pressure on the kids, just have fun, play happy and I love you, no matter what.
Speaker 1:So, wait, we're supposed to feed them when they lose. Is that what you're in? Well, not good for them.
Speaker 3:They get deathly vegetables OK.
Speaker 2:Ha, ha ha.
Speaker 4:You know, for me I think it is a difficult situation, right, Because we all want to see our kids, we all want to see the goalies play at the highest level and be special. So I think it's important to walk that fine line where you're trying to set expectations and hold them to a higher standard, Because if you do that more often than not they're going to rise to that standard. It might not happen in a day, it might not happen in a month, it might not happen in a year, but if you continue to set those higher expectations, higher standards, sooner rather than later they'll be able to reach that level. But it's important to remember, like you said, meet them where they're at. I can't teach a first grader calculus if they don't know simple math and addition and subtraction. So make sure you make smart goals and you talk about them with your kid right. Smart is specific. What's my specific goal? I want to make XYZ. Team M is measurable. Well, did you make it or did you not? A is attainable. Am I really going to make the Philadelphia Flyers? As a 10-year goalie? It's not that attainable. So we have to make sure that that's an attainable goal. We have to make sure it's realistic. And if I make this team, am I only trying to make this team because I want to make it, or do I want to excel once I get there? And then you have to make sure that there's a timetable on it. So if I want to make this team and I hate to tell anybody this, but if you're starting to make these goals right now and try out for a month away, you may be a little late for this year. So again, realize that if you're just starting to study for the test at 9 AM and the test is 10 AM, it's probably too late.
Speaker 1:That's a great point, but if you study, a day, a week, a month in advance.
Speaker 4:When that test rolls around, you're going to be a lot more confident going into that classroom. It's the same thing with tryouts. So mom and dad set high expectations, but make sure they're realistic, Make sure that they're attainable and make sure when they meet or exceed some of those goals you give them a little pow in the back. I can't tell you how enjoyable it was growing up whenever my dad gave me a compliment.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 4:Only because he didn't give me a compliment that I played outside of my. He gave me compliments on my effort, my attitude and my attention level, the things that I had control over. And if I got lit up for eight goals but I played phenomenal, you know 70 shots, he's giving me a pound on the back and saying, hey, you battle, you competed, you never gave up Right, and if I play a game and I let up two goals, we went to one, but the two goals are crap, you know. He's telling me OK, matt, I need more focus, I need more effort, I need more attention. So it's really, instead of focusing on the result, focus more on the process. Give the kids some simple, attainable thing. Simple, easy, easy to do things that they can get their mind right, be able to step on the ice and find success, instead of worrying about, oh no, if I don't make this team, my dad's going to be miserable and not say a word on the drive home, or mom's going to think, you know, she's going to take away my PlayStation or something along those lines. You know, whatever it may be, hey, it's still happening? Yeah, it does, and I hate that. I you know that that breeds hate for the game Right.
Speaker 1:Right, Like if I, if I go out.
Speaker 4:I want to have fun and I, for the most part, 13 and younger. They are kids that don't have a fully, fully developed mind and they really don't know what they're doing in terms of the hockey world. They watch guys on the NHL and say that's where I want to be, but they don't know the time, the effort, the sacrifice, the commitment it takes to get there. But it sounds really cool saying it and it's encouraging. I'm setting a goal to make the NHL. Mom and dad have to bring them back down to earth and be able to give them measurable, smart, attainable, realistic goals that they can accomplish so they feel accomplished. Right, if I set a goal, I want to make the NHL and I'm looking five years down the road. It's a grind those five years. To be able to get there you need to be able to give yourself a few pat on the backs of along the way.
Speaker 1:So you know I'll say this to your point that and a few things you know. One is that I think we all have to remember and look, odds are, if you listen to this show, you have an immense amount of love for your child. I think we all love our kids. But it's important to remember, not every kid has a safe place to go after school, after hockey. And when I say safe, I'm not necessarily talking like violent, I'm talking about no kid wants to go home to a parent that's just ripping on them. You lost that game. You should have made that save, or just a negative environment. Your kids need that safety of knowing I can always go home, I can always go back to mom and dad or my guardian or whoever. So I think that that starts at home. Obviously that starts with the messaging. Matt, you just said that. It starts with understanding, clear expectations. Another thing you mentioned too that it's funny. You talked about putting in the work and studying for the test. It's an amazing moment in your life and it does happen around that 13, 14, 15-year-old time period. We realize, well, I don't want to do it, but I have to do it. And then you start falling in love with the process and you get over that hump of, well, I don't want to do it and you start to realize but if I do do this, I will be prepared, and that preparation is what gets me ready for the practice and the game. And then it feeds on itself. I've never met I shouldn't say that. It's extremely, extremely rare that you meet a high level athlete that doesn't have that. There are some people out there with so much talent that it doesn't matter, but they tend not to make it too far either. But that process, that drive, that wanting to do it and, again, understanding that there's always a safe place to go at the end of the day. So I think, parents, as you approach evals, remember that You've got to be their rock. If something does or doesn't go their way, that's not the eventuality of their lifetime. I can go to mom. I remember I'll make myself vulnerable for a minute. I remember not making a team and crying the whole ride home. I was so devastated. Again, it ended up. Matt being one of those teams were the best thing that could have happened to me for that season, but in the moment it was the end of the world and my dad and my mom were really there for me, and sometimes it was just not even talking, I just knew they were there. I'm so thankful for that, because I can't imagine if they said something like well, I guess they picked the right kids, I guess you weren't good enough. This happens. This happens all the time, right?
Speaker 2:It does happen. Also, I don't know, we're kind of tied on time, but you mentioned at the top of the show, during evaluations, parents also are part of the equation. During the evaluation and over the years, I've witnessed some goalie parents that are well-intentioned absolutely but, to put it kindly a bit over the top, constantly yelling to the goalie cover it or whatever other impressions that they need them to do Save, cover it and they have a clipboard and they know every single shot, where it went in, where it didn't go in, what shot. They're good at it, it's intense and I get it's. All eyes are on your kid and there's a lot of pressure on your kid and it can feel like your kid is going to win it for the team or lose it for the team. How can you give some advice to goalie parents to just kind of maybe pull back a little bit on that?
Speaker 3:I mean for me, honestly, at a tryout, very simple Don't go, don't go. Oh, I love it. Nothing good is going to come from you going, because all you're going to do is either do exactly what you're saying or you're just going to drive yourself nuts. So, in all honesty, I mean, I personally believe and I know there are some teams that do it that close e-vows and tryouts to parents, and I think that, to be brutally honest, is the way it should be, because you're always going to have, whether it be from a player side, from a goalie side oh well, my player played better than that player. My goalie gave up three goals. Well, that goalie gave up five. Well, what were the goals? Or again, the tryout process isn't just those three days, it is a 12 month or it could be a longer process than that. So, true, apparently, I've changed my name. But, no, in all honesty, parents just stay away. Don't go to tryouts, Don't go.
Speaker 2:OK, and year round. What about their behavior especially? When they're recording them and then doing a play by play when they get home. Are you serious?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean it's a tough position because, again, as you said, there's only one goalie in the net at one time. So yes, all eyes are on that goalie, but in my opinion it's really just, and I tell a lot of parents it's relaxed. I personally I stand at the top of the stands on the blue line or the red line. I never stand behind the net where my kid can see me. I try to be out of sight as much as possible and I try to. I don't change ends, I think, just find a spot and just watch, just watch it.
Speaker 2:OK, I need you to emphasize that, because every team we've been on the goalie dads, moms, stand behind the net.
Speaker 1:And really stand behind the net. Kristine, oh yeah, oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I see it all the time, absolutely, and then they're talking to their kids too. Could you please tell parents why that is not a good idea to do that?
Speaker 3:I just think. I mean, let's put it this way when they're in school taking a test, do you stand right in front of them, watching them and saying two plus two, what?
Speaker 1:do you mean that's five? It's four? What are you talking about? It's four. So what if you let them match? I know, I know.
Speaker 3:This is the part that's going to be a good point.
Speaker 5:Right to the rink, right there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but in all honesty, I mean for me it's like be out of sight. They're there to play their game. The last thing they need to do is give up a goal. And oh sorry, mom didn't mean to give that goal up. It's not. So, like I said, for me it's be out of sight, be at the top of the bleachers and just make sure when I mean listen, as I said, before goals happen, let's not put your hands up. Oh my, what just happened? Listen, I mean, I'm guilty of it too. It happens every now and again where my son gives up a bad goal. When I look up and I roll my eyes and I'm ashamed to admit, but he has said it's like dad, were you mad at me after that long goal? So I'm like why are you even. So even at the top of the stands, they can see you and they are looking at you. It's really important. Just watch, encourage, just listen. I know it's stressful, trust me, I know it's stressful. My wife, god bless her to watch games. She takes pictures and then she wears headphones with music on. She has a playlist for games. So if she's not taking pictures she'll have silly putty or a play-doh where she has to do something with her hands. Just find some coping mechanism that isn't becoming an alcoholic.
Speaker 2:Yes, because in college that's what we do we go out in the park.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm sorry, it's OK, Go ahead. Buddy, my bad.
Speaker 3:But no, it's all good, but it is what it is. I mean, whether they pick the position, you pick the position, it's the position that they play and we just got to find a way just to get through. Whatever long that game is whether it's a 12, 15 minute period, 17 minute period, whatever it is just find a way. But the biggest piece of advice I can give you is don't follow your kid from end to end. Don't be behind the net, Watch from up top and just first of all. It's one of the worst places to watch a game anyway, it's from behind the net, but just go up top and just find a way to distract yourself while the game is going on. It's really the best.
Speaker 5:My new favorite is the instant replay mom, where the actual game is getting filmed, the goal gets scored and the kid could come to the glass. He could replay the goal right Instant, in real time, I'm like what the heck does that do?
Speaker 3:You've actually seen that, have you actually?
Speaker 5:Zero. There's zero embellishment of that story and it happens a lot Like I'm like I said this is insanity, and then I want to do it with my defenseman. But I just think it's like one of those things where I'm like, wow, how much stress is that for a kid to sit there and not only the kid, even the coach. Like the coach, like I don't want you looking at mom or dad, I want you looking at me, I want you reacting to me. I want you to reacting to your teammates, I want you coming out of the net, coming over to the bench to me and that's. But again, I blame that on Honestly, I blame that on coaching, I blame that on not educating and talking and laying all those kind of ground work out prior to the season and that's that communication between goal. Like. Imagine if your goalie coaches sat with the parents and the coaches and said, hey, listen, this is a strategy we want to look at this year and one of the strategies is let's not have mom and dad behind the net with the GoPro filming every game, because what do you do?
Speaker 1:Mike, I'm going to say that one of the things that and again, I hope this doesn't sound like I'm patting myself in the back, I'm not trying to One of the things I'm most proud of is that my son doesn't look to me when things are going wrong. He doesn't look up into the stands for approval or for anything. He's in his domain. I'm also proud that if he needs a moment of comfort or if he made a huge save, sometimes he will pump his arm at me, but that's not because he needs me to be there, it's he's sharing the moment with me, right? And I think that's true for all parents, true for my daughter too. I don't want you to have to, to, to, to need me in those moments. Of course I'm there for them if they do, but the point is that that's not what I want the reaction to be Right. And it's funny you met in Mitch um last year. A parent came up to me at the Eve bell and literally said how are you so calm? It's like they came up to me and asked that. And it's because of what you said before. I didn't say this, but you, you, you articulated it so well. So the hockey gods have written this already. It's just, it is what it is, right, like, like, all I care is that that he or she is just doing the best that they can. And I said I have no control over the outcome of this and me being nervous is not going to affect the outcome. If anything, it will make it worse for my kid, right? So it's just something I think about, too Is and I get, I I must have been like, like, like laid back at this tryout in the stands, just just kind of eating a soft pretzel or something like that. How are you so calm? I'm like, how are you not? It's like there's nothing we can do, right, just just to enjoy it. But, uh, you know, I wanted to mention that, like, sometimes, you know, and I think again as a parent, there's this, there's this, you know, paternal feeling of like, look at me, you need my help, and it's. You know, that's natural. I'm not, I'm not negating any parent the need to help their child. It is. It is obviously something we all share. But you can also be proud that they don't need you right now, and that's okay. They need their coach, right. They need their teammates Right, and you, you will be there for them, should they need you directly. That that's the compliment. Is that? That's why I said before it's a safe place. You can always come back to me, you can always come home, right? It's just not always going to be the case.
Speaker 3:No, I mean that that's a great point you make. Um, you know, whenever games over, my son gets to the car, my son gets back in the car, I give him win, loss, whatever he gets the, however much time he needs to vet, and I won't say a word like whatever, my, my D did that, what, what? Okay, are you, are you done Ever? Once he's done, then we can, we move on Right. But I think that's key is, after that tryout, after a game or whatever, just let your kid that. You don't need to. You don't always have to answer every question. Not everything is a well, it's going to be okay, john. Sometimes you know what it happened. Go in it Like you're allowed to be angry, allowed to be upset, or you're allowed to be static. Right, it's like emotions are okay, negative or positive. Emotions are okay.
Speaker 1:Mitch has another one too. It is if they don't bring it up after the game, I don't bring it up. If they're, if they don't want to talk about it or they're not, they're not volunteering it. And don't get me wrong, I'm a hockey coach it's hard not to talk about it. But if they don't bring it up, I won't talk about it. I only talk about it when they ask or they want to talk about it. So it like I think we get lost sometimes too. It's like you just lost the game and you don't care. They might not care, that's okay. It's like, especially if they're really young.
Speaker 3:We're having lunch.
Speaker 1:Yeah Right, we going McDonald's. Yeah Right, you know like some.
Speaker 3:you know, you lost your McDonald's yeah.
Speaker 1:We don't feed you when you lose the game. You guys know this. Sorry, five goals or more, you don't eat dinner either. No, that's obviously not the case. But I think it's so important to again meet them where they're at. You're right, we don't have to fix everything in that moment. And again, adults we're we like to think we're all adults. How do you vent? When you're venting, you don't necessarily need someone to tell you it's going to be, you just want to get it out. Like, they're not that dissimilar from adults, right? But what you can do as a child is learn how to compartmentalize and how to use that emotion and use those strategies to be better as an adult, like, I'm always trying to help my kids learn it before I did Sometimes. That's not talking. I'm a show host and a coach. I talk a lot, right. Sometimes it's hard for me not to do that. Anyway, I'm now. I'm monologuing. We got to close this at some point. This is starting to get picked up Like because he's got a time out here, right? So, um, yeah, I'll give you a any final words you have and then we'll close this episode out.
Speaker 4:I'm sure if I could just comment on the parenting one last time. Um, at a younger age I needed my dad at the rink because he was. He was very stoic, he didn't show emotions, always stood there across and no matter it was a great game or a bad game, I just knew that he was there and he was a valued voice in my hockey career. And my mom was always there. She was always the nice lady, always, no matter what happened, gave me a pat on the back. And then, as I grew older and matured, I didn't need them there anymore. I wanted them there. And then, as I got older and I moved away, I really wanted them there, not because of feedback or anything. I wanted to share this experience with my parents. I wanted to share this this time that I had with my father. Um, and that's not easy for parents to do. So just remember, parents, the way that you act around your kids at a young age is going to dictate the relationship that you have with them later down the road. So that's all I wanted to say in terms of that, especially when Greg gets coming into the picture.
Speaker 1:You don't want to be around. You want your kids to want you there. Yeah, mitch, any final thoughts?
Speaker 3:Yeah, Um, final thought, just for this, more for the goalies just going out at the trial, just make sure again, 100% effort, 100% attention every time they step on the ice. And the biggest thing I can tell you that I can say is when doing skating drills and this is one of my biggest pet piece um, doing a line drill and they say, skate to a line, skate to the line, please. I ran a and this is not I'm not exaggerating this. I ran a junior main camp last summer. Um, so we're talking about goalies who are between the ages of 17 and 20. Um, blue line, red line back. I ran three sessions, 20 goalies each. I would say over half the goalies did not make it to that line. Wow, and this is a try. And I basically I went off and I said, guys, this is a tryout. Like, do you understand that people are watching you right now? And you could be just as good as goalie A and goalie A skated line and goalie B. You didn't guess who's line just got crossed out. It's not going to be ace. So it's really, really important, especially during skating drills. Whatever drills you're doing, just give a hundred percent effort and if you have to go to the line, go past the line, do not stop, sure the line. And that's a story for life too. You don't stop Sure. And my analogy is you know what if a, if a teacher gives you homework and you have to read pages one through 10 and you have a test the next day and you only rate red pages one through eight, and all the test questions are on pages nine and 10, you probably fail the test because you didn't read it. So it's no different than skating to a line or finishing a drill or whatever it is. It's a motto for life Skate to the line, finish it out. Do it the way it should be done, every single time.
Speaker 2:Oh, so tough.
Speaker 4:Could I give a little fend off in terms of the trials as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go for it, yeah.
Speaker 4:So try not to leave anything to chance, and that just goes. The same thing with Mitch right. Do everything to the best of your ability and try with a hundred percent. Now, that's simple and easy for us to say and simple and easy for us to hear. The hard part is that doesn't guarantee you success. So when you're in any trial environment, look at your peers, see what the other people are doing as well and gauge your level versus theirs. And if you're on the same playing field and you don't make it, take that as motivation that I got right there. If you don't make it and you look to the left and everybody is so much better than you, take that as motivation that I need to develop Right. So, no matter what you do, hard work, dedication, commitment increases your chances of success, but it doesn't guarantee it. Stay motivated, don't get discouraged. This is a long term investment and it does take many, many years to reach the goals that everybody's setting for themselves. So enjoy the ride and embrace the process.
Speaker 1:Well, this entire episode proves once again that the entire process is the same, that the entire purpose of our kids play goalie, our kids play hockey, the ride to the rink, all of our episodes is that hockey is a vehicle for your growth as a human being Right. And when you approach the game that way, as a parent, as a player, as a coach, the results tend to be pretty good. Right. When you have that big view and if it's just about making one team, that's going to be your viewpoints it's going to be very small. So, matt Taylor, mitch Harris, just fantastic stuff once again here on this episode of our kids play goalie, I want to thank you both for being here. Also want to thank Kristy Cash and Burns, mike Bernal, my co-host, the faithful co-hosts, making like superhero.
Speaker 2:A great big dose of the goalie doctors. Always good medicine, guys Love that.
Speaker 1:Thank you, that's going to have to be. We're going to put that on the wall at their location. Thank you. That's been another great episode of our kids play goalie, powered by NHL censoring, and make sure to check them out at hockeycensoringcom. For the entire crew here. Thank you so much for watching. You're the best in your evals, or if it's in the middle of the season when you're listening to this, remember it's a 12 month process, so we're wishing you the best in your evals, whatever they are, for Kristy Cash, you know, burns, mike Benelli, mitch Harris and Matt Taylor. I'm Leo. I'll see you on the next edition of our kids play goalie. Take care, everybody. We hope you enjoyed this edition of our kids play hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now If you found value. Wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media network or our website, our kids play hockeycom. Also, make sure to check out our children's book when hockey stops at when hockey stopscom. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of our kids play hockey and we'll see you on the next episode.