Three Pieces of Advice Hockey Parents Ask For—Then Ignore

We get asked for advice all the time… but what happens when that advice goes in one ear and out the other?

In this episode, Lee and Mike dive into three common pieces of guidance that youth hockey parents frequently seek out—then completely disregard. From multi-sport overload, to the myth of showcases, to chasing teams hours away for more letters, we tackle the realities of what kids really need to develop and thrive in this sport.

🏒 Topics include:

✅ Why playing multiple sports at the same time can backfire

✅ The truth about “showcases” and being “seen”

✅ Travel time vs. development time—what matters more?

✅ How burnout often starts way before it shows up

✅ Choosing development over “the best” team

✅ Why off-ice habits and creativity are just as important as ice time

Whether you’re new to the game or a seasoned hockey parent, this one is packed with real talk, proven experience, and thoughtful questions to help guide your hockey family’s journey.

💬 As always, we’re not here to judge—just to share what we’ve seen and learned along the way.

Have A Topic You Want Us To Cover? Let us know!

Please Be Sure To Subscribe & Leave A Review For Us On Apple Podcasts, doing so helps our show grow!

Follow Us On Social Media:

• Facebook Group
• X
• Instagram
• LinkedIn
• YouTube

Transcript

Lee MJ Elias [0:07 - 1:29]: Hello hockey friends and families around the world. And welcome back to another edition of our Kids Play Hockey. It's Lee Elias with Mike Benelli today and we got an interesting topic. Mike and I were chatting and we were kind of talking about, hey, what's some advice that you give to hockey families that just gets completely ignored? They ask the question, we give the answer and then we look up and a week later they're doing the exact opposite of that. So a little bit of a harsh tone in the way that I introduced that. But Mike and I really did want to bring this to the table today because it's again, discussion that we have. So today's topic is three pieces of advice from a couple youth hockey coaches that often gets ignored. And Mike, we had a fun time building this list. I think we're going to lead into it today, going right into the game here with the discussion about the multi sport athlete. And, and I think we need to preface this a little bit that we're not saying not to be a multi sport athlete. We encourage being a multi sport athlete. In fact, every bit of research out there says that if you want to succeed as an athlete, you need to be a multi sport athlete. But what we're talking about, Mike, is multiple sports in a season athletes. You're playing hockey, you're playing baseball, you're playing track, you're playing tennis, you're playing football, whatever. You're playing multiple sports during a season. And Mike lead off with this because I know you and I both agree this is not a good idea, right? 

Mike Bonelli [1:29 - 2:52]: I think what people, I think when you're talking to youth hockey parents, when your kids are six or seven, it's so easy just to throw them into everything, right? You just throw them into soccer and field hockey and tennis and golf. You try everything, you just throw in everything at the wall, you know, and if they're hockey, if you're a hockey family, most likely you're probably in a position where you're, you feel like you have to play hockey year round. Now I will say that, that hockey is separate than a lot of sports. Like when I, that I would say like field sports, right. Because of the skating. So what happens is a lot of people get a little nervous because if they feel like they're not on the ice that they can improve hockey skills. So what happens is, I think, you know, on my, in my opinion or in my experience, you know, people ask me, well, what do you like, what would you suggest we do, you know, to get better at hockey? And I'M like, well, don't play hockey. And it doesn't mean don't play hockey or play hockey and do skill work and do lacrosse and do baseball and do them all like within seven nights of each other, back to back and you know, belly to belly. Just you, you have to, you have to pick and choose the time and the place to do these multiple sports that will help you in hockey. You know, and we've talked on the episode a lot. Like it's not all about just being a better hockey player, it's just about being a better athlete. 

Lee MJ Elias [2:52 - 2:53]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [2:53 - 3:03]: But also being more balanced, like having a balanced life. And that doesn't mean that being a multi sport athlete means you're playing multiple sports all at the same time. 

Lee MJ Elias [3:03 - 3:39]: Yeah, you, you know, it's funny, there's a couple things you brought up there that's funny. I'll start with what you began with, which is this, this really ridiculous fear that your kid will somehow lose their talents if they don't stay on the ice. And what I realized, Mike, as I got older is we would definitely lose the talent at our age if we stayed up, if we stayed off the ice. As an adult, you do lose things. But when you're, you know, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, no, you might have a little rust, you might be a little rusty, but you get to pick it up right away within. Within a week. 

Mike Bonelli [3:39 - 4:21]: Right. And there's a difference between losing talent and losing conditioning. Like so. Yeah. And again, hockey is a different conditioning sport. No doubt. But you're not going to lose talent. Like you're not gonna, you're not going to fall behind on your talent side at any level. You're going. Timing. That's the reason why people have training camps. It's the reason why you have, you know, your intro, you know, to the, the pre free tryout camps if you haven't been on the ice in a couple weeks. Like just, there's timing and there's just balance in skating. There's, there's just the, you know, being in your equipment is so different than field sports that, that, yes, I do understand that taking time off will affect that, but it affects it for about an hour. Yeah, like it doesn't, it doesn't really affect it. 

Lee MJ Elias [4:21 - 6:16]: Yeah. That's the point I'm trying to make is that, you know, first off, the benefits of your child playing a different sport other than hockey will actually help them in hockey. Again, that's one of those ones. You don't see it until you do it. But the other thing that you tapped on is that, yeah, all for playing multiple sports, right? But you got to take a rest from hockey from time to time. Again, great example is, and I've said this on the show many times, as of right now, my son and daughter don't play hockey in the spring. And. And look, our family is not different than the other families. When the season ends, there's a kind of this weird hunger to keep going. And you got to put that at bay and say, no, we're going to take a little bit of time off. And the beauty of taking that time off from hockey is a they both play baseball or softball. Different pace, different game, different mindset, different learning. And I'm telling you, for three years in a row, especially about now when we're recording this, which is, you know, late April, early May, I start hearing from them, when are we getting on the ice again? There's this rejuvenation of wanting to get out there. Not to mention, you know, their bodies heal and grow in other ways. But to the point of this episode, if they're playing hockey, basketball, track, and are doing six seasons at once or three seasons at once, I mean, it's crazy to me. All right, and again, you could split this again, like we usually do, but below 12 years old and above 12 years old, because, you know, look, there are. I know a lot of high school kids who play a lot of different sports, but guess what? Those sports also have seasons, right, Mike? They tend not to overlap too much. And again, I just think it's too much. Not to mention you're going to end up in a position where you're going to have to miss something. You're going to miss something. We should probably add in, too, that this isn't limited to just sports, right? There's other extracurricular activities. I know a lot of kids that do music or they do theater or something like that that also has a play into this right now. Those are a little different. I think you should do those activities. 

Mike Bonelli [6:16 - 7:28]: But I agree, and I will say, like, for my own family, like, my youngest son does play spring hockey, but it's for a different reason. First of all, he's not into, like, a highly competitive winter season anyway, right? So he's more like in a recreational setting. But the spring for him was more social. It was more like getting to know people for next year and getting to know, like, you know, seventh graders and getting to know people he's going to go to school with and, you know, and he's not over taxed with other sports. You know, it's pretty much just lacrosse and tennis. So it's like, you know, just, just other things that are going on where we can weigh that. And it's not like, so there's levels of hockey. There's hockey, which is like a once a week power skating class, or you're doing a checking clinic, or you're learning how to shoot clinic, or you're a goalie and you do a once a week goalie session. And then there's hockey, which is you practice twice a week. You go in a tournament Friday, Saturday, Sunday. What I'm saying is that's the hockey I'm talking about. Right? Like taking, taking away chances to be on the field and playing lacrosse over making decision to go to a hockey tournament in another state or country over having your local field time. That's. That's what I'm talking about. 

Lee MJ Elias [7:28 - 8:08]: Yeah. And I think we should also say here too, as we often have to on the show, we're not coming from a place of judgment here. We're coming from a place of curiosity and the questions that we get because every family has to make these decisions and every decision is, is, is different. We're just coming from our own experience of, you know, we' like, hey, don't play six seasons at once. Well, I have to do it for this reason. And I think the gauge for me, before we move on to the second one, Mike, is this, is that I look at the workload, right? To your point of is it hockey or is it like seasonal hockey? I look at the workload. Is your kid doing an exhaustive amount of sports to the point that they're almost groaning when you have to take them somewhere? That's too much. Right. 

Mike Bonelli [8:08 - 8:23]: And some kids don't. Like, some kids are like, it's very easy to manipulate your kids anyway. I get that, like you could convince your kids that this is the greatest thing they should be doing. Yeah, but, you know, but, but, but I think it's more if your spring summer season looks like your winter season, then you are only playing one sport. 

Lee MJ Elias [8:23 - 8:24]: That's true. 

Mike Bonelli [8:24 - 9:01]: You know what I mean? Like, so if it's, it's intense and if, and again and just for new parents out there and people that maybe haven't played a sport and are new to the whole like peaking and competitive piece of it, you always can't be driving for a championship. Like you, every weekend can't be playing for a championship because it, it diminishes. What, what Playing for And I know this might be. You could. I guess you could say I'm wrong, but this diminishes what playing for real things is like. It really diminishes what playing for something bigger really is when every single weekend is a championship weekend. 

Lee MJ Elias [9:01 - 9:02]: Well, and I think it's the thing. 

Mike Bonelli [9:02 - 9:20]: It's hard to. It's hard to balance that. You want your kids truly, especially when you get older, when you truly want your kids to be ready to play championship hockey at 15, 16 and 17 years old, the highlight of their life can't be A championship at 8. And I think this is where. This is where we all have to balance all this. This piece. 

Lee MJ Elias [9:20 - 10:14]: Look, this is where I'll. I'll throw some weight around a little bit with you, Mike. You and I have both coached at high levels, semi professional levels, professional levels, collegiate levels. Winning is insanely hard. Insanely hard. In fact, I'll give you all a couple book recommendations. If you really want a good front row seat to winning at the highest level, read Tim Grover's books, Relentless and Winning. He'll give you a front row seat to what it takes to win. And I'll tell you right now, one of the best exercises in that book is he says, what are the words that you think of that are associated with winning? And. And he talks about. Most people say, oh, elation and joy and wonderful things. And, and, you know, he is 100 correct that winning at that level, Those aren't the words. It's. It's pain, it's struggle. It's, you know, adversity. Those are the words. Release associated with. Yeah, with really winning. 

Mike Bonelli [10:14 - 10:16]: And I made. I made it. 

Lee MJ Elias [10:16 - 12:06]: Yeah. And then, and then once you win that, you go. You feel it for a minute and then you go back to work and, you know, you can see that some of the top champions in the world. Now, you're not creating that in your. Your kids if they're winning every weekend, all right? Actually, you're not creating that in your kids if they're not facing some adversity. And adversity is not going to the championship game every week, all right? Diversity is not. And. And adversity is not being the best kid on the team or not being the one that fits in. And again, your kids can only take so much of that, too. You got to be able to understand how to parent them through that. And the highs and lows, we say it all the time. There's development seasons where you're not going to win a lot, but the kids learning and then there's confidence seasons where maybe you are winning a lot and there's learning in that too, but you got to experience both sides of that. So I think that's a good one to jump off to the next topic, Mike, which is, and again, this, this, we're recording this in the spring, but this is kind of for year round showcases. We hear about it all the time. We get asked, should I go take my kid to this showcase? There's no such thing as a real showcase unless you're being invited by the national team development structure in Canada, the United States. Now, now listen, we're going to go into this slowly. We're not saying there's not reasons to go to a showcase, but you better be darn clear on what those reasons are. And that reason shouldn't be to be seen because it's highly unlikely that a quote unquote showcase is for you to be seen. All right, I can hear the naysayers. Well, this one and that one, I'm gonna throw it to you again, Mike. There are very few showcases that are there for that reason. Most of them are cash grabs. All right? And I think if, if they're ones to actually be seen, you're gonna know it because it's not going to be some showcase in this location that happens, you know, randomly at different spots. 

Mike Bonelli [12:07 - 13:17]: Yeah. And I've worked and, and ran many showcases. I mean, so it's not, it's not that they're not that they're not fun and, and you know, tournament weekends aren't fun and the, the, the AAA invite isn't fun. But if it begins with congratulations, your son has been identified to play on our 6U, you know, AAA franchise weekend, like, that's just not, it's just not real. It's not, it's not, it's just not a real thing now, are there, you know, so one of the clients I work with, I always. So we lay out the pros and cons and we lay out all of these showcases and tournaments and events and invites and all these other things selects all these other things that happen within the spring and the summer. And I, and I really try to weigh things like, okay, this is in a place that looks like a fun place to be, probably a cool experience. Your family's all going. But if it's, if you're, if you're, if you're picking it and going to these things in lieu of actual training and development. 

Lee MJ Elias [13:17 - 13:17]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [13:17 - 13:49]: Then that's where I get really stronger in my opinion on whether or not you should Go to not, you know, if you're, if you're forced to buy new socks, breezer covers, jersey, helmets and gloves for a weekend showcase, I would tend to say that's a red flag. Go do it if you want to do it and if you have the money, do it. But it's not real. Well, let's, let's talk like a good friend of mine will say, like it's a parental entertainment, like it's not a real thing. 

Lee MJ Elias [13:50 - 14:34]: Yeah, this is what I'll say to that. I think it's fair to say, Mike, that probably under the age of 15, these are not real. All right, I, I think we can draw the line. Under 15 years old, if you're going to a showcase, it is not a true showcase where you're looking to be recruited because they can't talk to you anyway. Now above 15, depending on the showcase, there may be some, some valor there, but there also is a lot of ones that aren't. So what I say is this, you know, if you're going to go to a showcase and I gotta repeat what Mike said, we're not saying not to do it. We're just saying a buyer beware on this one. The reasons you should be looking at a showcase at any age for yourself is a. To kind of see other talent out there and maybe how you compare, it's not so much to be seen. 

Mike Bonelli [14:34 - 14:34]: Right. 

Lee MJ Elias [14:34 - 16:06]: If you're going to AAA showcase and you know a lot of people from other teams are going to be there, sometimes internally, and by internally I mean your family or you. It's not bad to see engage yourself against other talent, as Mike said, as long as you're not sacrificing something greater in that situation. All right. I do think there is value in playing with players you haven't met before. There's value in seeing other players you haven't played with before, going for coaches you haven't been there before, that's value. But if the value is you could go to this and be seen and be found, you know, I got bad news for you. It's extremely unlikely, number one. Number two is that there's no showcase where you'll be plucked and sent to the highest levels most likely and get. Unless it's a really well known showcase, in which case, Mike, you're probably not paying too much money to get into that thing because they actually want to see you play again. You gotta gauge it. You should be asking great questions. Great questions demand great answers. And again, I, I do think I'm gonna say it again, that there is some value in being around new people and being around new levels and being around new players and coaches and even arenas at some points. But you got to have a grip on that because if, if you're just going for the showcase aspect of it to be seen or be recruited. You know, Mike, I'm trying to think of my, my career as a coach. I think there's only been one time at a showcase. I plucked the kid. And it was, it was for a collegiate showcase. Like it was four college coaches to see you. We made that very clear. Only one kid I can think of I've ever took it. One of. 

Mike Bonelli [16:06 - 16:13]: Yeah, if you're going to Voorhees, New Jersey, for the, for the ACHA Division 2 showcase, that's a real showcase. Like, that's a real thing. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:13 - 16:15]: Right? That's kind of what it was. Right. 

Mike Bonelli [16:15 - 16:56]: If you're going to something that somebody's running, whether it's a money grab or not, and, and you're the, the chances of you getting a look where you didn't get a look for the last five years, and you think, I'm gonna have one hell of a weekend, like, I'm, I'm. Now I'm gonna show myself then, then go. But if you're six and, and the funny thing is you talk about like, like meeting new people, it's all the same people. Like, when you go to these things, they're all the same people. So they're, they're like. You're like, hey, oh, so and so's here again. Oh, so. So is this tournament. So and so flew out here. It's all the same kids in these, in these pods. So we're, and frankly, we're probably not even talking to these people. Like, the people that I'm talking about aren't on this show. They're not listening. 

Lee MJ Elias [16:57 - 16:59]: But we're influencing people that may be that way. So that's good, right? 

Mike Bonelli [16:59 - 18:21]: And it. Well, and again. Well. And the thing is you. But what I'm saying is I'm not even, like, I even poo pooing the idea of it. I'm saying, yeah, yeah. I'm saying when you, when you come to me and we're coming from a perspective of what advice do I give? So that means somebody came to me and said, okay, Mike, 40 years of doing this, every level of coaching developed or worked with thousands and thousands of kids. What would your advice be on this subject? I would say don't go and use it in a different. Do that time. If you do have the time and you have the money and you have the resources there are. If your ultimate goal is to get to the highest level, this is not the way to do it. You can do it. If you want to do it, go ahead and do it. I'm just saying this is not the way to do it. If you're, if your ultimate goal is what you're telling me it, it is, then this is not the way to do it. So again, buy the jersey, get the tournament T shirt, book the flight, get the hotel, spend the money if you have the time. If your kid's that gifted and he's so much better than everyone else anyway and he's not getting better by doing anything else. Development, do it. Do it more and more and more. But for the rest of us, it's just a matter of weighing what ultimately will work and what really doesn't matter. 

Lee MJ Elias [18:22 - 18:45]: Well, and I think I can cap this one off, Mike, and you tell me if you disagree, but there's a very, very good chance that the, the superstars that you're alluding to are putting in the development work and are putting in the time away from the rink to develop their games as well. I mean, I don't like to sugarcoat that. There's very few kids that I have met that are insanely talented, that are making it, that aren't also putting in the time away from the rink. 

Mike Bonelli [18:45 - 20:38]: Well, that's the whole argument, right, with USA Hockey is that the fact that some of those kids do look too super talented. When you look at a six and seven year old, they just look, they're just are, they're just better. They're talented. Like, they're, they're, they're talented as much as a six year old can look. But that all catches up. Like if they're not putting in the work that, that, that, that, you know, natural talent, that natural drive, that natural. Like I listen, I work with some, I want to say real like, like, and it's hard to even say it right, But I work with kids that like, like that are 9 and 10 years old, that are the best kids that I've ever seen, right? I gotta look at them. Like, these kids are so good. Like they're so athletic and they're so competitive and they're so, and they're driven. Like these are little boys that are men. Like they're, they're, they, they play and compete like men. But where, what, what's the building block that they're going to get to help them ultimately end and it's not what they look like now. It's not like what they look like when they're nine. And I think that's our job. Like, I feel like that's my job is to, you know, create an atmosphere of, of, of fun and passion and development. Even if you're the best kid, and by far we're looking at all these kids. I'm like, I'm looking at all these kids like you are clearly all the best kids in your age group. But can you. What are you going to do to be the best kid in your age group? And it matters, right? Well, and, and again, that's where I think that's where we all get disillusioned. Then we see all the same kids are like, oh, my kid made that team at six. He's, he's going, he's going to the show. Like he's in. And you know what the crazy thing is? Like in hockey, it's a little different. Like he, he is, he may, he has a really good chance. But out of the, but out of the 400 that tried out for that position, he's the one. 

Lee MJ Elias [20:39 - 21:34]: Well, I, I gotta say this too. You know, I was just talking with another youth coach the other day about similarly what we're talking about this really talented kids that we have at 10U or 12U. And we just kind of said that. And not again, not in a judgy way. This is just a very matter of fact statement that when you get to 14U and the hitting comes in and, or the competitive contact comes in and your life at 14 years old as a boy or a girl is going all sorts of directions that can completely change a trajectory, good or bad, depending on the kid. Right? When I've always said this. If you haven't been hit square in the chest and knocked down, it'll change your life one way or the other. You're gonna make a decision after that of, oh, I, I don't like this, or I do like this. All right. And again, every kid is different. Some kids really rise up to that, some kids don't. And neither one of them is right or wrong. 

Mike Bonelli [21:34 - 22:14]: No. Some parents look at you and they're like, Mike, I have no idea where this kid gets it. He is just like this kid is. Gets up in the morning, he wants to work out, he goes to bed at night, he's sleeping with his stick. Yeah. I think that's unbelievable. I think that's so fun. I think it's great, but it's great. Yeah. The reality is think about the long term of what you want to do with your kid. And again, we'll talk about this a little bit, I guess, later, but if you're in an environment of other kids that want to get better, too, you could be a great influencer in that as well. So be aware of that piece too. What your. What your role is as a great player in a certain age influences other great players around you. And I think that's. That's an obligation too. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [22:14 - 24:12]: 100. And, like, just closing this out. We always like to say it that, you know, if your kid is that motivated kid waking up and sleeping with the stick, and. Yeah, that's great. And if your kid's not, that's also great. Okay. Like, it's not something you can directly, excuse me, create in your kid. You can cultivate it a bit. You can mentor your children. Obviously, it's our jobs. But if they're not ultra, you know, alpha competitive at nine, that's okay. I mean, it comes in when it comes in, all right? That shows up when it shows up. And you gotta lose the fear of, what if they don't get that till they're 16? We all grow up at different rates. Okay. Again, we had Chris Terry on the show, former NHL. He didn't play. His entire 15th year. He didn't play, and he made the NHL for a full career. You just never know when it's going to happen. But you did allude to it, Mike. This brings us to our final of the three pieces of advice from youth hockey coaches that get ignored. This one's a little broad, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna call it mind over matter. Mind over matter. Now, what are we talking about? The. The distance you travel versus the level you're playing at, the development nature of a team versus how many A's are on a team having to make that choice. Off ice training versus on ice training. We've put all of these together because I know these are probably the most common ones that we get, Mike. Of, you know, which team should I play for? Or why didn't I make this team? Or. Well, if I drive two and a half hours to practice three times a week, which I know people that do that for younger hockey parents. I know people that travel from different states, and we'll drive two hours to practice and games for their kid to play there, which we're not saying is right or wrong. I just. We know people that do it, but it's the questions we get. So why don't we start with distance over level, Mike, it's. You could play on a double A tier 2 team 10 minutes from your house, or you could play on this AAA elite team an hour and a half from your house. Mike, which team do I play for? 

Mike Bonelli [24:13 - 25:07]: So the. So I, I think, I do think you do have to do a mental checkbox and I do think this depends on what region you live in too. You know, dep. Where you are in the United States or Canada, you know, you have, you have to make tough choices, but anything. Let's just call this under 12. Let's just say you're 12 years old or younger. There, there really is no evidence and there's no. A piece of development that I've seen. Now again, again, you could take what it is that, that you driving for an hour and a half to go play on a team of better players is necessarily going to make you better. You may end up being better anyway. Like, like, I think what, what's so hard for people to see is the kids that do that end up going to the highest teams, but nobody's saying, well, what about the kids that didn't do it that end up on that same team? 

Lee MJ Elias [25:07 - 25:07]: Right, right. 

Mike Bonelli [25:08 - 27:18]: You know, so, so you don't. And I guess my argument when I sit down with people and they ask me, Mike, what's your advice on the out. I'm 15 minutes from a rink with an okay team, my son's 7 and there. Or I was invited to an all star team. That's a good. And, and everybody said it's like anything else. Right. So when you give your height, you know, in college, your height and weight, you always elevate it a little bit. Right. So people in, in, in travel hockey say it's only an hour and 15 minutes. Well, is it really only an hour and 15 minutes, or is it. If you get stuck on the bridge for 20 minutes, do you add that to like, is it, is it the Google commute or is it the actual commute? Like, is it, is it just, you know, what the map says it should be, or is it the. So anytime you're driving over, and you know, I use the term a lot at youth hockey, no bridges, no tunnels, no tolls. So if you can avoid those things, you're in great. You're in a great place. But once you start adding those pieces to your commute now, you have to weigh, does that override the amount of ice I'm missing, the amount of family time I'm missing? And as your kid get older, the amount of school Work you're missing. I can't tell you how many freshmen and sophomores I work with that can't understand why their academics are slipping. When they drive two hours to go to practice and they get home at midnight and get up at 6 to go to school, I'm like, it takes a rocket scientist to figure that out. I'm like, you know, these are very smart people. These are the highest level people I know. I'm like, you can't figure out that your son or daughter would be better off 15 minutes down the road playing on a subpar team, getting a ton of development, a ton of extra work, all the reps, and then being able to add in all the extra time. Because once you start getting at let's, let's call it elite hockey level, double A, triple A level, you gotta now think about the private lessons. You got to think about the extra training. You got to think about the, you know, the, the added practices because these top, these higher level teams don't practice once a week or twice a week. They maybe practice three times a week, maybe four. So now you got to figure out, well, how am I going to do that? So a lot of people get in, get, get sucked into the team. 

Lee MJ Elias [27:19 - 27:19]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [27:19 - 28:36]: And thinking. And then they go, oh my God. Like this is every day. Like this guy wants me to come here all the time. Like, it's like every game's an away game, every practice is an away practice. And, and I think that's, to me, nobody could convince me it's worth it. Now you could tell me that, you know, the coaching is so much better. That's why we're doing it. And I, I would, I would say call me and let's. I'll debate that because I don't know if that's, I don't know if that's, I, I can't see how that could be true. Now, all the players compiled on a team might be better, but I think that is, you know, an individual person needs to then say, does my kid need to be the seventh best forward on a nine forward team or do I want to be the best forward on a nine forward team? And am I, you know, what, what is those roles? So again, it comes down to who's your kid, what's their competitiveness, where is the region? But without a blanket statement like overall, the average, you're much better off staying closer than further and using that time in a better, more efficient way than struggling to find a way to make the time work during the winter season. Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [28:36 - 29:19]: And Mike, I think what I'll add on to that is this. You know, when you look at the travel aspect of this, I just did a little math here. So I don't, I don't think 45 minutes is crazy in youth hockey to travel to a rank at least on the east coast in our area. I don't think that's crazy. All right. I think when you get up to an hour and a half travel, that starts to get crazy. And I don't want to go over that right now. I know again, I know people who travel two hours, but I just did some math on, you know, a 90 minute drive twice a week. Right. And let's just say the season's 20 weeks and I know it's longer than that, but you're already up to 120 hours in the car. Right. Which is five days. All right. Like five full days. 

Mike Bonelli [29:19 - 29:21]: Some people quit their job if they had to do that. 

Lee MJ Elias [29:21 - 30:20]: Well, here's the thing too. I look at you're. I don't want to say you're losing that time because it is quality time with your kids if they're talking to you and things like that. Maybe you're reading, but most of the time I don't think that's what's happening. And it's like, what could you do with 120 extra hours a season or cut in half 60 hours? What could you do with that time training wise that you're not getting? And again, I just, I just have a hard time believing that there's such elite levels of hockey that far away that if you do that, it's going to make a huge difference. I'm not saying it's impossible. All right. But you know, again, we're looking at this not as necessity, if that's what you have to do to play, period. Meaning there's no other team nearby, which I know for a fact in like when you get out to the desert areas and some, some places where hockey is not as prominent, this is what you have to do. And God bless you all that have to do that. But I know in my area there's, there's about 20 ranks with within a two hour, two hour period, probably more than that. So you have your choice and you don't have to go crazy. 

Mike Bonelli [30:20 - 32:05]: Yeah. And I get totally that there's other circumstances there. Like my, my example I think was a pretty good one. Like my son play. We played, we were 45 minutes away for three years. But a. Because I was able to coach because I couldn't afford the program if I wasn't coaching. And B, it was with a bunch of college guys that I had played with. So to me it was almost as social as it was competitive. Like, it wasn't, it wasn't for a competitive balance. It wasn't like, oh my God, I gotta go to this team. It was more, it was definitely more social and work related than it was like, like athletic related. Yeah. And I do understand it though. You know, it's funny, I did a survey with a couple of kids this weekend. Not a couple, a lot. And we did a, we did a parent. A parent kid game. And one. And one of the questions that came up was our, our, you know what, what's our most listened to podcast? And it turns out it was like, you know, the, the car is not for coaching. And, and then I started thinking about like this episode here we're talking about, you know, that quality time. Every girl in the group, everyone said they'd much rather put their headphones on and listen to the music that ever talk to mom and dad like, oh my God, it's the wor. Like, I would never do that. And then one girl's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna send that episode to my parents. Like. And I was laughing going, you know, because again I. There's all. I'm all for quality time in the car, but you know, when, but there's a lot more quality time you can have for that 120 hours than in a car. Like looking back at your kid. But also from a, from an economic and a development perspective as your kid gets older. The fact is, if you wanted them to get better, they need to sleep more, they need to eat better, they need to have a, a better schedule. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:05 - 32:07]: And social life too. How about that? 

Mike Bonelli [32:07 - 32:20]: To more success. So ultimately, if you want to keep them, you got to do something different early on and, and set them up for a different place. You gotta travel. You gotta travel, but if you don't have to travel, you don't have to do it. 

Lee MJ Elias [32:20 - 34:09]: Well, and let's kind of. And this part of this section on that too is that your kid's age matters in this one. You just don't need to do this when your kids 8, 9, 10 years old, you just don't, you know, like, especially if there's a local team, again, barring circumcircumstances, like, you make a good point. Certain circumstances, Mike, that, you know, if you're really not fitting in with your team or you really need a fresh place to go I do understand that, believe it or not. But if you're purely going for just the level, just, just have this conversation at home, right? Like, you know, I, the best example I have and we'll move on. We had a kid at 12U here in our tier 2 organization last year, really talented, got chosen for Pee Wee Quebec, which is kind of almost unheard of, that a tier two player. But he went to the evaluation, wasn't a showcase. He got selected and he was one of the best players on the team. And now in his first year of 14, you, he's playing tier one. He was clearly ready for that level. But this, again, this is a kid who played Tier 2, played his local club and it's funny, when I talk to his parents, it's like, well, we had no choice. Now, you know, he's really excelling at the game. We had to move him up to the next level. To me, that's, that's a great conversation. Right? It wasn't. Oh, he's been at this level. I see these tier one kids at 8, 9 years old and parents who are doing this. I'm not again, I'm not crapping on that. I don't want you to take that. But I think there's this expectation if, oh, if I played tier one AAA at eight, I'm, I'm set. I'm set with the program forever. You're not, you're not set. I guarantee. You guarantee. This is not a guess. If your kid's 16 and a better 16 year old kid comes along, they will take that kid over your kid. All right? They will do it. There is not much loyalty when it comes to having to choose a team. All right? And again, they may, maybe there are. Someone else is getting cut if it's not your kid. All right? 

Mike Bonelli [34:09 - 34:10]: Yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [34:10 - 34:35]: These waiting lists, I've seen this my whole life, Mike. Oh, we've got waiting lists. You will skip that waiting list. If your kid is good enough, they will put him on the team. All right? You better be realistic about that. All right? So again, if you can afford tier one at eight and you're close and you love it and your kid loves it, do it great. But don't have this expectation that when they're 18, they're still going to be there. They have to earn that. Okay, I have to earn that. 

Mike Bonelli [34:35 - 34:56]: Yeah. And I think my point to the people I work with is like, you don't have to do it. Like you don't want a better ROI take, like, take the, like, just do a little Parent calculator and say, okay, well, if I do this, I'm saving, like, let's just say conservatively. And I agree with you. I mean, 45 minutes. Like, people say to me all the time, like, oh, my God, that's three hours away. I'm like, three hours. I'd love three hour ride. 

Lee MJ Elias [34:56 - 34:58]: I went conservative on these numbers. 

Mike Bonelli [34:58 - 35:00]: I did that in a day. I said three hours. 

Lee MJ Elias [35:00 - 35:04]: The real number, Mike, is probably closer to 300 hours a year. 

Mike Bonelli [35:04 - 35:37]: Yeah. I mean, a three hour road trip, I'm like, oh, I could do that in my sleep. But I think it's, you know, I think what. At the end of the day, though, when you have, when you have people sitting here saying, well, you know, I. I want to know why, you know, I got to do this, this, and this. I said, yeah, well, stay home, find a local coach, take that five grand and reinvest it into different things that make your kid better. Whether it's off ice training, on ice training, or another activity. Completely different activity. Something. Something that enhances their life, that makes them a better athlete and a person. 

Lee MJ Elias [35:37 - 35:37]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [35:37 - 36:13]: In the long run, going to pay off. But it really is hard. I get it. It's so hard for parents to look outside of. Is it power skating and is it shooting? Like, other than that, I don't care. I'm like, well, it's everything. It's more. It's so much more than that. And I think when people get it and they. And they want to get it and you and do it, like, sometimes, you know, I laugh a lot of stuff. I. I do. Like, people don't talk about what I do, and I wish they would. I'm like, well, I wish you'd promote this. I'm like, well, why would I. And they're like, well, why would I promote it? Like, that's something good for my, like. 

Lee MJ Elias [36:13 - 36:15]: So it's the same thing close to the chest. 

Mike Bonelli [36:15 - 36:18]: It's working for the parent. They're like, I'm not telling anyone else. 

Lee MJ Elias [36:18 - 36:20]: That's why we made the podcast, Mike. 

Mike Bonelli [36:20 - 36:32]: Like, I like this. This is my little secret here. Right? So it's not. It's working for me. But, you know, so it's, It's. It's one of those things where, like, the parents that are doing it, you might not even know they're doing it because they're not promoting that. They're doing it with their kid. 

Lee MJ Elias [36:32 - 36:36]: I'll say a couple things. I'm speaking directly as a coach right now. All right? 

Mike Bonelli [36:36 - 36:37]: If. 

Lee MJ Elias [36:37 - 41:33]: If you really want your kid to stand out. And they have, they have good talent. Let's just say they have the appropriate amount of talent in hockey already. Get them working on their hockey iq. And I'm also going to say in the same breath, good luck with that, okay? Because it's going to take a real special kid that wants to sit down and look at the chessboard of hockey at 10 years old. I'm not saying it's not possible and I am suggesting that you introduce your kids to that aspect of the game and there are methods to do that. But you really want your kid to stand out. Hockey IQ is by far the most lacking thing in the game right now, by far. All the way up to the NHL. You're not taking my word for that. NHL coaches have been saying that that is the skill set right now that will set your kid apart from the rest. Because I'll tell you what, if you're an adequate skater and an adequate hockey player and you know where to be in a system, coaches will love that. They will love that right now. Doesn't mean you can ignore the other stuff. So with that time, you could be investing in that. With that said, I also have to bring this up. You want to know when burnout starts in hockey? It happens when they're 15, starts when they're 8 or 9 or 10. Okay. And what ends up happening, parents, is a, kind of a common story now is the kid is so into the game at 8, 9, 10, and you're into it too, because you love your kids. And then puberty hits and maybe they're waning a little bit. Now you're on them because you invested all this money and all this time and you want to keep going, keep going. And then by the time they're 15, they don't want to do it anymore. All right? And it's, it's one of those things, parents, where you'll, you, you almost won't see it coming. All right? It's like nobody expects it to be my kid. They'll be 15, 16. I don't want to play anymore. I want to go out. I want to be with my friends. I want to do something else. We all play a role as parents at 8, 9, 10 to make sure that we're minding that future 15 year old kid. Don't put them in the game 24, 7, 365. They will burn out. It's I, I guarantee it. You have to explore other things. Mind over matter. The second, the second thing we have written down here, this is what I'm pretty passionate about is development over letters. All right, Meaning that do you want to be on a lower team where your kid's going to excel or a triple A team where maybe they're not going to play? We've talked about it a lot. We're not going to beat a dead horse on this. There is no, I can tell you all this. There's no correct answer to that question. It's different every season. It's different for every kid. It's different every time. But what I can tell you, as I said earlier in the episode, great questions demand great answers. I've seen this. After tryouts, a kid doesn't make the team they wanted to make, and there is now no thought from the parent or the parents of, well, was this the correct decision? Now, with that said, coaches, organizations also play a role in this. You should explain. I don't like when teams don't do this. Mike. You should explain to a kid, you know, why they were chosen for the team. They were chosen. And it's not like, oh, your kid sucks. That's why they're on the B team. It's, here's what we saw or here's what we didn't see. Here's what we want them to work on. You do need to provide a path for these kids. If they didn't make the team that they want to make, I think you got to provide it, even if they make the team they want to make. But, you know, I think sometimes I think of these kids that maybe didn't make the team they want to make. And I hear a lot of excuses from people about why they should be on the other team. And I don't hear any accountability of, well, you know, your kid needs to lose 15 pounds, and that's why they're not on this team. Or, you know, your kid didn't have the best season. And, you know, I, I, it's tough. You know what I mean? And we think they're going to develop more on this team. They could have gone either way. That's a tough position for evaluators to be in, too. You know, this is also, Mike, just, you'll laugh at this. Why I have zero to do with evaluations in any of the youth hockey organizations that I coach in or my kids play in. I refuse to be part of that, that, that process right now. I'll always tell a parent what I think if they ask me, but I am out. I do not get involved in the evaluation process even. And this also why I don't head coach. You have hockey right now. Now, obviously at the higher levels I coach at, I'm heavily involved in that because I have to be. But you know, just something to think about. Parents, what I want you to take away from this part of this section is just take a step back and really look at your kids development, you know, and, and what's the priority here, like whatever team they're on. I think development is more important than the prestigiousness of any team. And again, I see it every year, Mike, and I know you do too. I see the kid who didn't make the team they want to make and it ends up being the best thing that ever happened to them because now they're motivated. Now they have a reason. We talked early in this episode about losing and every weekend can't be a win. Well, I can tell you right now, my greatest development seasons for myself were the years I didn't make the team I wanted to make. I was pissed, I was hot, I was ready to work and I did. And I'll tell you what, it paid off big time for me, all right? And I'm not saying the teams I made that I wanted to make weren't great seasons, all right? But you, this is that adversity piece. If you're not willing to face that adversity in youth hockey, there no way. There's no way they'll be prepared for it when it really matters. 

Mike Bonelli [41:34 - 41:48]: Right. And I think, and so, and in that, in that discussion too has to come with, if you don't make a team, the parent having an honest conversation about not just jump into another team that has the same level of aids. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:49 - 41:49]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [41:49 - 41:55]: And saying, well, now you made to see that team, that Triple A didn't even know you're talking about because there's so many. There's so many. 

Lee MJ Elias [41:55 - 41:56]: By the way, we're looking for players. 

Mike Bonelli [41:56 - 42:37]: Yeah. Oh, and by the way, I made the team. But we know you just, you mean you paid the bill that you didn't make the team. You were just happy to get offered a spot because you were able to pay right away. And I think sometimes, you know, you see it and it's happening more and more and more, especially here on the east coast and in New England area. I mean, it's like, my God, it's like that you, like people are signing kids sight unseen, not because they, they can't do it. It's just because they just trying to fill roster spots. And you know, that's, those are all red flags to me. Like, those are like, even the older kids I work with now that get all the letters of, you know, like, oh, you're invite. You know, you've been identified as a player that can, you know, fit this. But, you know, right. If you really want my child and write him a letter, like, send him a note. 

Lee MJ Elias [42:37 - 42:38]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [42:38 - 43:42]: Like. Right. Like, get, like a real conversation going about why you think this player can fit into your team and, and play on your program again. Again, if you, if, if you're going to programs that are just sticking out form letters and sign kids up, you get what you get. You do. I mean, and, and at the end of the day, you're probably not going to stay there. And if you're an organization that's listening to this, then maybe don't run your program that way. Maybe run it where, you know, you're inviting kids to your program with specific reasons why you're inviting them. Here's why. Michael, I'm putting you on the team. I like this, this and this about you, and you fit into this role for us. That's really what a developmental AAA hockey team should be doing. Yeah. And if you don't make the team and your kid doesn't experience any need to overcome that adversary and have any fire. Good. At least you found out early. Like, at least, at least, you know, it didn't really bother them. If it's bothering you, it's like the old say, right. If it's bothering you more than it's bothering them. Yeah, you might be the problem. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:42 - 43:48]: Like, parents have the gauge. That's a tough one for parents sometimes because I think they say, oh, it's. 

Mike Bonelli [43:48 - 43:56]: Like me, I get more bothered by my sons not competing and not fulfilling something than they do sometimes. Oh, yeah. 

Lee MJ Elias [43:56 - 43:57]: I don't want them to hurt off. 

Mike Bonelli [43:57 - 44:20]: I'm like, I'm like, aren't you mad at that? No. And then I have to reevaluate and say, well, why aren't you mad at it? Because, well, because that it's a spring league game. Like, it doesn't matter. Like, oh, okay, okay. Well, you know, it's a different story. So it just know your time and place and who your kid is. But if you're not asking these questions, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment and you're probably forcing your kid into a program they don't want to be in the first place. 

Lee MJ Elias [44:21 - 44:57]: You know, Mike, what's funny about what you're saying is, again, I've benefited so much from doing this show for five years with you and Christy because I have the youngest kids. And I always tell parents that, you know, a lot of the decisions I make as their parent is based off the advice I've got here, how I, how we approach evaluations, how we approach teams. It still doesn't shield me from being the dad that loves their kid and doesn't want their kid to be in pain. Right. So all what it's done is it allows me to recognize those situations. I think I'm very conscious of those situations when my kid does or doesn't make a team. But I still feel like, oh, it is, but you don't want to, you don't want to imprint that down. 

Mike Bonelli [44:59 - 45:02]: And again, these, this is not a preach. This is hard. Like, this is hard. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:02 - 45:03]: It sucks. 

Mike Bonelli [45:03 - 45:15]: It is very difficult to see your kids not succeed and you not step in to try to rectify it. It's very hard to sit back and say, just let them fail, let them fail, let them fail. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:15 - 45:19]: And it's the hardest part of parenting, I think, you know, outside illness and things, like, it's impossible. 

Mike Bonelli [45:19 - 45:40]: It's impossible. It's like, it's because you've lived all those life lessons. You've. And especially if you're in, like, I won't even like in anything they do. Like, I'm not a, like, my, my little guy loves chess and I'm like, I'm watching. I'm like, don't you want to just beat, like, don't you want to beat that other kid in chess? It's like, that's not that, you know, whatever. I'm just playing, like, yes, I want to win, but I'm not going to throw the chessboard across the room. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:40 - 45:40]: Right. 

Mike Bonelli [45:40 - 45:53]: So, so like, like to me, where I probably would. And that's, that's a flaw in the way I would handle it. But I'm just saying, like, when you look at, when you just, you can't be that kid. You can just put them in those great environments and see what occurs. 

Lee MJ Elias [45:54 - 49:45]: You know, I'll say this too, and then we'll close this out with our last part of this. I, I remember early on in the kids playing career actually in parenting, there's this kind of mindset as a parent of like, well, just do this, just do this thing that, that it's so easy because I know give you the shortcut. Right? And. Exactly. And the thing is there's rarely any shortcuts. And, and this is what I found, Mike. And you'll laugh at this. You know, we think as adults that we can do that. We don't do it as adults, it takes us decades to learn things. You know, we're just a little further down the line. But, you know, I always think about anytime I become conscious to something, I think, oh, man, I've been doing that for 30 years, 40 years, you know, Right. So the learning never stops and the, the speed of the learning may accelerate. But don't kid yourself. There's things that we're always learning that have taken us our whole lives to learn. And I actually think that's the beauty of life, is that you get to keep learning. But I'll spare you a deep philosophical conversation, all right? The last part of mind over matter, this one that's important to me because it's in my line of work. Off ice versus on ice. All right? Now, in the winter time, I'll be the first to say it. You know, during the regular season, you're primarily going to be on ice. That's exactly where you probably should be. I'm not saying there's not off ice training you can do, but when you're in season, you know, you want to be on the ice. It's cold outside. It's a good environment. And I'll, I'll say this. Look, I own an off ice training company, so I'm very biased on this. It's another reason why Mike is here, though. So back me up. When, when the temperature goes up and it's beautiful outside, let them go outside, let them play outside, get the rollerblades on. And here's the thing. If they want to do drills on their own, great. If they just want to go out there with a puck or a ball and a stick and a net and just mess around, let them do that because they are probably developing more skills. Even if they're doing Michigan's 50 times in a row, leave them alone and let them be creative and let them have fun. And if you can, maybe even get out there and play with them. But don't coach them too much unless they're asking you to coach them, all right? In the off season, buy into off ice, all right? And I'm not saying this is nothing to do with spring hockey or summer hockey or anything like that. There's so much value in just letting your kids go outside and play without structure, which they do not get too much during the season. This is at every age, all right? And again, I'm all for the setups in the garages. We have one in my house, you know, downstairs, net with, with, you know, shooting areas. I like them to go in the driveway. I like them, you know, to. To get outside and just mess around. I think that when we were kids, Mike, this is all we kind of did, like, you know, we want to. I would go out after school every day and play. And I think this is one of those things that's been lost in recent years because there's a lot more distractions. You know, I'm not, I'm not against video games, but kids will play Fortnite for five or six hours a night. I, I think that's a mistake to let them do it that long. All right, Let them get outside. Let them train off ice. I can also say to you, Mike, we've. We're living in a time. This is not just my company. We're at a time now where there's so much you can do off ice you can never do before. I mean, we're getting pretty close to simulating the on ice game outside, right? So whether it's your kid alone outside being creative or better, three or four neighbors outside playing the game, you'll learn so much by letting them do that. It's worth them doing that. Let them go out and play, enjoy the weather. It's all. Lastly, Mike, it's also very rejuvenating for the kids. All right, Think about you as an adult. When the springtime comes around, you can go outside. What that does for your psyche, right? The kids feel that too. Let them just get outside and have fun. But if you want to train off the ice, there's so many tools to do that. I know a few, but let them get outside and enjoy. 

Mike Bonelli [49:46 - 50:22]: Yeah, it's, It's. It's. It's really such a. A, A stain on our, like a sport society right now that, you know, parents don't have their kids. And it's not even, like, it's not even, you know, on purpose. It's just kids just don't go out and play together. Like, they don't. They don't rally around the, the, the park and, and, and come up with games. Like, it's all like, we all feel like we got to structure these things or, and then if, you know, and then. Or. Or hide the fact that my kid's doing a private lesson somewhere and he doesn't have time to play with your kid outside because he's doing real training. Like, he's really trying to develop escape. 

Lee MJ Elias [50:22 - 50:22]: Right? 

Mike Bonelli [50:22 - 52:05]: And I think that's like, for me, you know, having an opportunity to watch kids go out and explore. And again, you know, and again, it's Not a knock on video games. It's just easier to do it. It's, it's, it's like, like at one point when, when I was a kid, I got so bored out of my mind, I went outside and did whatever, you know, how to go shoot pucks or played street hockey or made believe you're in the Stanley Cup Final. Like now you actually can be in the Stanley cup final. Like you could be on a video game in the Stanley Cup Final. Like with your face in it. Like you could be in it. Like, so it's, it makes it hard. It's definitely harder. And, but, but anything else in off ice, offseason, inseason development, it's all about balance. It's all about just. Can you find different ways to do a little off ice, Explore different ways to handle the puck, different ways your arms can move, different ways your hips can be. And can then you, you can, can you translate that on the ice or on the basketball court or on the diamond? All those. That's where the great athletes really become greater. And when you really look at the best athletes in the world. You mentioned this a little bit earlier in the episode. Like, they are doing those things. They're doing the little. They don't do float like they do simple catch, turn, pivot, shoot, catch, turn, pivot, pass. Like very, like, I call it deliberate training. Very deliberate things you can do to improve your game. Any kid can do that with nothing but a couple of training aids. Yeah, again, and I know there's people that like, don't like block drills, they don't like training aids. It takes away creativity. I tend to disagree with that. 

Lee MJ Elias [52:05 - 52:06]: I completely disagree with that. 

Mike Bonelli [52:06 - 52:43]: I think it encourages creativity. I think it puts kids into a mindset that are gonna, they're gonna beat something so that they can then have a victory. Well, I think it creates more creativity, but there is a level where then you have to evolve it. Like, so you evolve it from being able to do the skill and the drill to then perform it in a, in a constraint based environment and then can you do it in a live environment? And I think those are all parts of the building blocks of getting better. But the more you can get your kids to, you know, have all that stuff laying around outside, and hopefully they go out and use it, the better. And if they can pick it up on their own, even, even much, much better. 

Lee MJ Elias [52:43 - 54:30]: Yeah, Mike, I'll even take it a step further. So, so I would completely disagree with the statement that training aids hurt your player. I, I think what hurts Them is if you structure the training aid for them of this is what I want you to do. Like you gotta let them have that training aid and be creative with it. Also, I was just talking to a pretty high level player the other day about a repetitive, repetitive kind of motion that I want them to work on for their game. Like this goes up to the top levels. But here's the thing, Mike. I'm going to bring this down for the, for the young, young parents and the young players. But you could do this at 15, 16 too, if you're able just, you don't even need a net, you just need a place to, to score. And putting the ball down on the ground and saying one on one go. You'll learn more in that one on one game than a lot of repetitive drills. Even if it's just a dad or a mom saying to their kid, hey, get around me and get to the net. I'm going to defend you. Right? Let me, let me tell you something. By far the most frustrating thing I am seeing right now at 12 years and younger and I'm talking, this is like a problem is offensive players getting over the blue line and going directly at the D with the puck in front of them trying to score. Like they have to deke out the D to score. It is not only one of the lowest IQ things I've ever seen in hockey, but we can't figure it out. Our best guess is they're seeing highlights of guys deke and go around people and they think that's the game. When in truth is if you have the speed, you can just go around them and if you can't get around them, you can create a play with a teammate. It's a problem, right? And so one of the things I do with my kids is, hey, here's a ball. Get around me. They start to learn really quick. They can't come right at me with the ball. I'm gonna get it right and if you try and dig through me, I'm gonna get it right or you're gonna. 

Mike Bonelli [54:30 - 54:56]: Lay on your ass. I, I think it's like, it's just, you know, you know, not to be that parent, but I think if you have to be. But I also think the kids, when they're doing all these kind of skills and drills have to understand that it's great to go one out. You know, I, I tell kids all the time, if you're able to beat that guy one on one every single time, you know what? Then do it every time. Go nuts. But you can't. So what are you going to do alternatively. 

Lee MJ Elias [54:56 - 55:08]: Wait, Mike, Mike, real quick. I gotta say this too. Yeah, one on ones are going to happen in a game, but what I see is a player with the puck in front of their body going directly at the defender. 

Mike Bonelli [55:08 - 55:12]: It wasn't a one on one. They made it a one on one. That's one on one. 

Lee MJ Elias [55:12 - 55:17]: Yeah, yeah. Like, like a great one on one deals with puck protection and placement and. 

Mike Bonelli [55:17 - 55:21]: And like, you know, you had a one on zero and then you made it a one on one. 

Lee MJ Elias [55:21 - 57:01]: And that's what I'm saying. There's nothing more frustrating to me than that. And I, Mike, I see it every single game and we coach it, like coach it not to happen. And I still do it. So I think this is where off ice training comes in is like, you can kind of show this ain't gonna work. And you need reps because here's the deal. Kid might get four or five of those in a game and then they don't really practice it or, or at practice they're doing the same thing. You got to get those reps in when it's not happening. Now again, we're turning off ice into a little more structure with that. The point I'm trying to make is this. Just go out and play. Go have fun. Make sure you enjoy the off ice. I think that can be more valuable than, than getting on the ice in the summer. You got to get out of the rink people. You got to get out of the rink people. You can't be in there year round. You'll go crazy after a while. All right. I, I just think there are very few people that want to be in the rank365. And again, look, even I, who kind of one of those people, I love being at the rink. I need breaks from time to time. All right? And I love it. I'm. Look, I say all the time people, I shock people with this. The season is too long and I love being at the ring. I love it. But it's too long. It shouldn't be as long as. And, and as aggressive as it is. But that's, that's where we're at. So mind over matter. Again, three pieces of advice here that we're preaching to the choir. I know on the episode, but parents listening, people listening. I'm telling you, we have to do this all the time. And, and we see it. Well, I wouldn't drive two hours. Okay. Would you end up doing. We're driving the two hours. Right. Well, I don't I don't know if you should do that showcase. What did you end up doing? We went to the showcase. We didn't get picked. All right. We hear this every year. Well, I don't know if your kid should be playing fuller sports. What happened? We only played three. 

Mike Bonelli [57:02 - 57:05]: I don't even hear about it anymore. I just see it on Facebook. Yeah, well, it's. 

Lee MJ Elias [57:05 - 57:34]: That's because they're. They don't. Maybe they don't listen to this program. All right, what other pieces of advice did we miss? What other piece of advice do you need? Let us know. You can email us team@our kidsplayhockey.com or you can always use the link in the description accompanying this episode. Tap that. It'll send us a text message we use. We usually highlight those on an episode, but. Good topic today, Mike. Again, like, just. Just sharing our knowledge again. I do know sometimes we sound a little judgy. Really, it is coming from a place of curiosity. We're just both from the northeast, and we tell you what's on our mind without any. Any. 

Mike Bonelli [57:34 - 58:38]: And I actually, I do. I do appreciate the people that do listen to the show that. That want to get into some open debates with me, and I wish more people would, because I think. I think when I see a lot of folks at the rink and I know. And I think sometimes I. I'm speaking directly to them that, you know, and for me, like, I'll say to that person, like, I'll say, like, you know, you remember last month when you had this discussion, like, why would you do that? Like, why? And then, you know, you look at it like, oh, you know, and I never really get a really good answer. I get a lot of, ah, you know what I'm gonna do? You know, I had to do it. I'm like, well, and I. And I. And I will appreciate the fact that, like, me, like, it's just me. My personality is like, well, I don't. I'm not gonna do that. And I'll fight that. Like, I'm just gonna go do something else, right? And I'm gonna do what I think is the right thing to do. And I think what people don't. They aren't. They aren't doing what they think is the right thing. They do. They just do the thing that's the easiest thing to do, and it doesn't. And it looks like the rest of the sheep are doing it. So, like, well, yeah, my chances are I'm gonna do it because it looks like. Like the best kids are doing that. 

Lee MJ Elias [58:39 - 58:39]: Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [58:39 - 58:47]: And I get it. And I understand that. And I. And I. And I can appreciate the fact that they don't have that knowledge base that maybe I do, and they don't have that history of. 

Lee MJ Elias [58:47 - 58:49]: Well, that's why they come to us as coaches. Yeah. 

Mike Bonelli [58:49 - 59:02]: Yeah, I think. But I just wish more other. I just coach it. I just wish other coaches that are. That are asking their kids to travel an hour and a half to come to their practice, which openly say, listen, you really don't need to come here. This is crazy. 

Lee MJ Elias [59:02 - 59:03]: Yeah. You know. 

Mike Bonelli [59:03 - 59:05]: You know, but they don't. And. And I get it. 

Lee MJ Elias [59:05 - 1:01:02]: I'll finish with this story that I think I was 15 years old, 14 or 15. I did not make a team that I wanted to make, and all my friends were on that team, and I was left off that team. And, you know, I made the team beneath that. And it was probably the most transformative year of my youth hockey. I mean, I developed more this year than any other year. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. And I'll tell you right now that the head coach of that team that I made, who didn't know me, went out of his way to call me and talk to me and. And explain to me, you know, what his expectations were. He. He acknowledged, and he's empathetic to, like, I know you're hurting. I know you wanted to be on that team, but this is what we're gonna do. And I'll tell you what, Mike, he didn't promise me the world. He actually ended up making me the third line center on that team. But he gave me a really specific role that fit into my talent structure. And I remember I thinking, like, I don't want to be a third liner on this team, but we won a championship together, and I had a very, you know, again, youth hockey. It wasn't like I was a bruiser or anything like that, but, you know, I understood my role. He put an A on my chest, and he really. I think I've said this before. He sat me down before every practice for 45 minutes, went over X's and O's with me, taught me everything. It's the best thing that could have happened. You just never know where the journey is going to take you ever. Right. I'm so thankful for that failure in my life at this point, if you can even call it that. All right. It wasn't even my choice. I'm not sure I failed there. All right, that's gonna do it for this episode Just to echo what Mike said, you know, we're the host of the show along with Christy. It's your show, right? If you have topics you want us to talk about again team@our kids playhockey.com email us. This show is all about the discussions that were not happening in youth hockey and after five years and the massive audience that this show has created, which we're all humbled by and thankful for. We want to make sure that you're still involved in making the show the best it can be. But that's going to do it for this episode of Our Kids Play Hockey. For Mike Benelli. I'm Lee Elias. We'll see you on the next episode. Everybody skate on, have fun and enjoy any time you have away from the rink and in the rink as well. 

Mike Bonelli [1:01:02 - 1:01:02]: Take care. 

Lee MJ Elias [1:01:03 - 1:01:46]: We hope you enjoyed this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey. Make sure to like and subscribe right now if you found value wherever you're listening, whether it's a podcast network, a social media media network, or our website, Our Kids Play Hockey dot com. Also make sure to check out our children's book, When Hockey Stops atwhen hockey stops dot com. It's a book that helps children deal with adversity in the game and in life. We're very proud of it. But thanks so much for listening to this edition of Our Kids Play Hockey and we'll see you on the next episode. Sat.